JustPearlyThings - May 22, 2023


Post Wall Woman's ADVICE To Modern Women


Episode Stats

Length

12 minutes

Words per Minute

193.51555

Word Count

2,471

Sentence Count

212

Misogynist Sentences

10

Hate Speech Sentences

14


Summary

In this episode, we talk about regrets and how to deal with them in our lives. We also talk about what we would do differently if we could go back in time and what we wish we would have done differently.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 So what would you give up for the right guy?
00:00:03.240 What would I give up for the right guy?
00:00:05.160 Yeah, because we all agree that you have to make sacrifices in relationships, right?
00:00:08.440 So what sacrifices are you willing to make in a relationship?
00:00:11.760 You know what?
00:00:12.560 We just had the conversation before you came,
00:00:15.200 and we were talking about if we see ourselves as modern women and independent women,
00:00:19.640 and I made a transition.
00:00:20.780 I used to think I was a misindependent, modern woman,
00:00:25.240 but the recent years, I've made a transition,
00:00:28.960 and I never thought I would give up my career,
00:00:34.240 you know, just like being in a higher position.
00:00:37.380 I was looking when I was younger, I was always looking for status.
00:00:40.000 I was looking to go up the career ladder, making money,
00:00:43.300 but over time it has changed.
00:00:45.340 I think now I'm getting older, and I'm like,
00:00:47.000 hey, have I been wasting some years?
00:00:50.600 Do you think you have?
00:00:52.260 Now looking back, no.
00:00:53.500 I don't like to think so,
00:00:57.560 but if I were to go back and do some things different, I would.
00:01:00.720 But I don't regret it, because that has added to my experience now.
00:01:03.840 What would you do different?
00:01:05.600 Well, don't listen to songs like Neo, Miss Independent, first of all.
00:01:08.440 Yeah, that's a good song.
00:01:11.000 For you, yeah, yeah, okay.
00:01:12.160 Right?
00:01:12.640 And I think it's like this music culture, and yeah, society.
00:01:16.960 I would have gone back and spoke to my aunties more,
00:01:21.400 spoke to my mom more from Sudan, the traditions,
00:01:24.360 because I see my parents are still married.
00:01:26.720 My grandparents are still married.
00:01:29.260 And I would have, I wanted to rebel against that when I was younger.
00:01:33.560 Now I made that transition, and I'm thinking,
00:01:36.480 I'm not that independent woman.
00:01:37.680 I don't want to be an independent woman anymore.
00:01:40.640 So I would, if it's the right man,
00:01:43.360 I believe that the right man, we have aligned visions and missions.
00:01:47.560 So I'm willing to give up everything I had in my career
00:01:52.160 to go for what God has put us together as a mission together.
00:01:57.060 I would do that.
00:01:58.100 So you would give up your career for a family, say?
00:02:00.300 I would, if God wants me to do that, I would, yeah.
00:02:04.020 So one thing you said, you said you don't regret it?
00:02:07.840 Or you do, like,
00:02:09.300 If I were to go back, I would do some things different,
00:02:11.400 but I am grateful for where I'm at right now.
00:02:14.740 So I'm grateful that I had this experience.
00:02:16.660 Now I have a little niece.
00:02:18.060 I can teach her those things,
00:02:19.560 so she doesn't go the road that I went to.
00:02:22.140 But, um,
00:02:23.640 I just never understand when women say they don't regret it,
00:02:26.740 if they would change it,
00:02:28.080 because then wouldn't you regret it?
00:02:30.300 I don't understand your question.
00:02:32.060 Like, like, I've heard girls say that,
00:02:33.940 and it doesn't compute to me,
00:02:35.420 because me, if like, if I would change something,
00:02:37.140 then I regret a certain decision.
00:02:39.280 Well, it's, it's the feeling.
00:02:40.980 If you don't like the outcome,
00:02:42.040 if you don't like the outcome,
00:02:43.220 like, why don't you regret it?
00:02:46.220 Well, it's the context.
00:02:46.560 To be honest, Pearl, I don't, I, again, like,
00:02:49.640 I'm, I'm not going to apologize for it.
00:02:51.560 I'm very faith-driven,
00:02:52.600 so I speak from that perspective.
00:02:54.800 And, um, regret is a very,
00:02:57.300 it's a very bad feeling.
00:02:59.140 And it's, I don't believe that we're meant to live with regret.
00:03:02.360 So before I was regretting it, for sure.
00:03:05.300 I was feeling those regrets.
00:03:06.940 I was feeling those,
00:03:08.220 oh, I shouldn't have done.
00:03:09.100 But then, because I'm safe now,
00:03:11.100 because I have a different life now,
00:03:12.900 I don't carry those feelings anymore.
00:03:15.300 I'm set free from that.
00:03:16.360 So, yeah, if I, if I was, it was the old me.
00:03:19.560 Why would anyone want to live with regret?
00:03:22.060 And why would that be comfortable for anybody to live with regret?
00:03:25.920 And why would you, anybody see that?
00:03:28.320 I don't mean it in like a way that,
00:03:30.280 I don't mean it in a way that shames,
00:03:32.180 but to me, like, when I hear that,
00:03:34.080 it just sounds like the same thing.
00:03:35.640 That was my question.
00:03:36.620 Because if I would change something,
00:03:38.080 then I regret it.
00:03:38.900 Well, regret, if you're living regret,
00:03:40.280 it's like you're holding on to something.
00:03:41.920 Then you can't, at the same time,
00:03:43.860 be grateful for who you are now,
00:03:45.620 what you've got.
00:03:46.420 So it's kind of like just not living in,
00:03:48.000 like, the shame of the decision.
00:03:49.360 Yeah, in the past.
00:03:49.880 It's like, okay, I did that.
00:03:51.260 And like, sorry, was it Carmen?
00:03:53.820 Yeah.
00:03:54.260 Yeah, she was saying it's,
00:03:55.460 it's what she's learned from it.
00:03:56.920 So how can you regret that?
00:03:58.140 It's like, wow, I've learned from it.
00:03:59.720 If I didn't go through this path,
00:04:01.080 I wouldn't even know.
00:04:02.640 I could, no, I mean,
00:04:04.420 I could absolutely look at certain decisions
00:04:06.380 that I've learned from and be like,
00:04:07.980 well, I regret, yeah, I wish I didn't do that.
00:04:09.980 Yeah, 100%.
00:04:10.640 There are things I've done.
00:04:11.980 And I'm not saying you should wallow in it.
00:04:13.240 You can't change it.
00:04:14.380 Yeah, but yeah, I get what you're saying.
00:04:15.700 There are certain things that, yeah,
00:04:17.000 I wish I did not do that.
00:04:18.480 I did not need to learn in that way.
00:04:19.780 I could have learned from other people.
00:04:21.460 So, yeah, so you mentioned
00:04:22.860 you went from being more modern
00:04:24.520 to being more traditional.
00:04:26.060 What did you do specifically
00:04:27.780 to make that change?
00:04:30.280 Yeah, so when I came here,
00:04:32.960 when I went to Germany,
00:04:34.240 I lived in Germany most of my life,
00:04:35.700 and then I came to the UK.
00:04:36.580 So I was more,
00:04:40.160 the culture has changed.
00:04:41.800 So I wasn't into very traditional,
00:04:43.420 I wasn't so close to my Sudanese background.
00:04:46.000 So I was more around people
00:04:47.440 who were living a very modern life.
00:04:50.360 And there's a lot of my friends
00:04:52.020 who were with single parents.
00:04:53.880 So in my culture,
00:04:55.120 this is not happening.
00:04:56.560 And that has shaped who I was becoming.
00:05:00.580 So you didn't surround yourself
00:05:02.660 with modern people.
00:05:03.500 No, I did, I did.
00:05:04.540 No, I'm saying now you chose
00:05:06.060 to switch it to more traditional.
00:05:07.380 No, now I have empathy.
00:05:09.280 Okay.
00:05:09.680 Now I can understand
00:05:11.040 why they're living this way
00:05:13.280 and why I rebelled against my roots
00:05:16.540 and who I came from.
00:05:18.780 But I made that transition
00:05:20.480 because I saw this,
00:05:22.120 yeah, I saw this freedom.
00:05:24.380 I saw this empowered woman.
00:05:26.220 I can be everything.
00:05:27.460 I can do everything.
00:05:29.320 But that comes with a price.
00:05:32.260 Could it be because you moved
00:05:33.800 from your country
00:05:34.700 to a more Western
00:05:36.260 and more free country?
00:05:37.740 Could it be that?
00:05:38.300 Yeah, yeah, for sure.
00:05:39.220 For sure, yeah.
00:05:39.900 Western country has definitely shaped me.
00:05:42.920 And I have to be honest,
00:05:44.520 not for the best way.
00:05:45.940 How old were you
00:05:46.800 when you came to the UK from Germany?
00:05:49.020 Three years.
00:05:50.340 Three years old?
00:05:51.380 Three years, yeah.
00:05:52.100 No, when I came from Sudan to Germany.
00:05:54.380 No, but from Germany to the UK,
00:05:55.660 how old was he?
00:05:56.560 I think 18, 19.
00:05:58.000 Okay.
00:06:00.380 So I still don't understand
00:06:02.400 what you did
00:06:03.000 to become more traditional.
00:06:05.220 Like, did you take cooking classes?
00:06:08.740 So I had examples
00:06:10.580 and I didn't see successful marriages.
00:06:14.440 I didn't see successful relationships.
00:06:15.960 So then I started to surround myself
00:06:17.980 around Christian communities
00:06:19.220 when I became a person of faith
00:06:20.900 and I got baptized in 2019.
00:06:23.880 That completely transitioned my life.
00:06:25.820 So as a result,
00:06:26.680 I started to see successful,
00:06:28.500 healthy marriages.
00:06:30.040 I didn't see that before.
00:06:31.540 That's why I didn't even
00:06:32.300 have the desire to be married.
00:06:33.760 You didn't see it?
00:06:34.440 I thought you said your parents
00:06:35.480 and your grandparents were married.
00:06:37.160 Yes, but that's the only example
00:06:38.900 that I had.
00:06:39.580 That's a very limited example.
00:06:41.260 But I didn't,
00:06:43.540 I did, okay, they're married,
00:06:45.580 but do I want to have their love life?
00:06:47.440 No.
00:06:49.400 They're still together.
00:06:50.400 Their values are amazing
00:06:51.340 when hard times hit.
00:06:53.080 Yeah, they stick together,
00:06:54.220 but I wanted more.
00:06:55.580 So I didn't have those examples.
00:06:57.460 But when I started to surround myself
00:07:00.100 in the right environments
00:07:01.240 and I started to see
00:07:02.140 that I can have healthy relationships
00:07:04.440 and healthy marriages
00:07:05.380 and yeah, with the right fire.
00:07:08.000 So that has changed,
00:07:09.540 surrounding myself,
00:07:10.300 the right people
00:07:10.980 who I can see an example.
00:07:12.580 All I needed was just an example
00:07:14.280 and role models
00:07:14.940 and I didn't see it.
00:07:16.760 So yeah,
00:07:17.220 so it still doesn't make sense to me
00:07:19.900 and I hear this a lot.
00:07:21.060 So it's not just you,
00:07:21.860 but like when I hear girls
00:07:22.820 talk about how they were modern
00:07:23.900 and then they became traditional.
00:07:25.460 Like I don't hear anything
00:07:26.580 that you actually did.
00:07:27.860 Like I hear that I surrounded,
00:07:29.240 I got baptized,
00:07:29.900 which is great.
00:07:30.840 You know, I'm pro-faith here.
00:07:33.620 And like that you surrounded yourself
00:07:36.060 with people that were married,
00:07:37.240 but it's like I can watch people
00:07:39.360 that play basketball.
00:07:40.280 That doesn't mean I learned to play.
00:07:41.720 So I was just wondering
00:07:42.500 like what specifically you did to become,
00:07:45.040 because if women want to know
00:07:46.560 you were modern before,
00:07:47.720 then you became traditional.
00:07:49.140 Like what specifically did you do?
00:07:51.800 Well, for something new to come in,
00:07:53.840 the old has to go.
00:07:55.400 My old self had to die.
00:07:57.460 So that means my old belief.
00:07:59.020 So because you said
00:08:00.340 you know of faith, right?
00:08:02.760 Do you know something
00:08:03.880 called the Holy Spirit?
00:08:05.480 So when the Holy Spirit
00:08:07.180 convicts someone on something,
00:08:09.280 when you have a conviction,
00:08:11.020 people call it intuition.
00:08:13.300 We call it the Holy Spirit.
00:08:15.920 So, but it's stronger.
00:08:17.620 It speaks so clearly.
00:08:18.660 It's like the thoughts feels wrong.
00:08:21.180 The person,
00:08:22.580 like I remember the day,
00:08:24.240 Pearl, this was crazy.
00:08:25.500 I remember the day
00:08:26.220 before I got baptized.
00:08:27.320 This was crazy.
00:08:27.980 I was with an atheist guy.
00:08:30.840 I was dating an atheist guy
00:08:32.460 and I was like,
00:08:35.060 yeah, I can change him, whatever.
00:08:37.020 And the day after I got baptized
00:08:39.260 and I had this inner conviction,
00:08:40.820 I had to break up with this person,
00:08:42.160 of course, for obvious reasons.
00:08:43.940 But did someone from outside
00:08:45.920 come and tell me this?
00:08:47.080 No, it was an inner conviction.
00:08:48.680 I knew that I had to let go
00:08:50.160 of certain people,
00:08:51.780 certain beliefs,
00:08:52.660 because my faith is now the priority.
00:08:55.740 I'm fully sold out.
00:08:56.960 No, and I think faith is great, right?
00:08:58.860 I think that's genuinely great for you.
00:09:01.280 But faith, like getting baptized,
00:09:03.180 being taken over with the Holy Spirit,
00:09:05.060 like I've been baptized,
00:09:06.240 that didn't make me traditional.
00:09:07.740 Yeah.
00:09:07.980 Right?
00:09:08.500 So.
00:09:09.000 Like what did you physically do?
00:09:10.480 Can you just define traditional?
00:09:12.140 Maybe I don't understand what you mean by traditional.
00:09:13.680 And traditional is like our grandmothers
00:09:15.740 and our great grandmothers.
00:09:17.460 That's like what they traditionally did.
00:09:20.860 Is there a hyper version of that?
00:09:23.000 Like, because I don't see myself
00:09:24.300 traditional, traditional,
00:09:25.480 but I don't see myself modern.
00:09:27.180 So is there like a middle definition
00:09:29.280 or hybrid?
00:09:31.080 I don't really think so.
00:09:33.740 I think it's like a lot of,
00:09:35.680 and no offense to you,
00:09:37.080 but modern women pretending to be traditional
00:09:39.540 and some of them don't really know they're not.
00:09:41.320 I don't think a lot of women.
00:09:41.900 But I think once you like are around
00:09:44.380 like a truly traditional woman,
00:09:46.100 you just know it when you see it.
00:09:47.420 I think there's differences
00:09:48.680 because you can be around,
00:09:49.900 like you're saying traditional,
00:09:51.180 you can not be.
00:09:52.940 And I think that individual person
00:09:55.780 grows up to believe
00:09:57.180 and do what they believe in their faith
00:09:59.180 and whatever they choose.
00:10:00.920 But you can like believe things
00:10:02.740 and that's great,
00:10:03.660 but it's about what you do.
00:10:05.260 Yes, exactly.
00:10:06.320 And I agree with that.
00:10:07.300 If you see a traditional woman
00:10:08.200 like would dress a certain way,
00:10:10.640 like modestly.
00:10:11.580 I agree with that.
00:10:12.300 Yeah, modestly,
00:10:13.040 you know,
00:10:13.660 wouldn't show off
00:10:14.520 and wouldn't go out party
00:10:15.640 and drink in.
00:10:17.580 Yeah, would be at home.
00:10:20.040 Traditional women are usually married.
00:10:21.860 They usually submit to their husbands.
00:10:23.380 They usually are the one
00:10:24.560 that's cooking for everyone.
00:10:25.740 I think the greatest thing would be
00:10:27.540 how do you see traditional women?
00:10:29.140 Because in different,
00:10:30.040 even in the UK,
00:10:31.480 in different parts,
00:10:32.320 there's different parts of,
00:10:33.780 if you look at Liverpool,
00:10:35.100 if we look at travellers,
00:10:36.300 everyone has a traditional type
00:10:38.380 of how they bring,
00:10:40.360 if you look at any culture,
00:10:43.260 they all have a different traditional way
00:10:45.100 and in their life.
00:10:46.160 They have different traditions,
00:10:47.840 but I would still say
00:10:48.920 the archetype of a traditional woman
00:10:50.720 is the same.
00:10:51.360 It's the same.
00:10:52.140 No, because if you look at home,
00:10:53.480 looking after the family,
00:10:55.000 cooking, provide.
00:10:55.400 No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:10:57.240 If you look at travellers,
00:10:58.360 if you look at the difference.
00:10:59.640 They're very crisp.
00:11:01.080 No, no, no.
00:11:01.760 They're very strict.
00:11:03.360 They're very prominent.
00:11:04.200 They're travellers.
00:11:05.880 That is nothing.
00:11:07.540 I'm just saying
00:11:08.380 when you look at it,
00:11:09.160 they're part of traditions.
00:11:10.560 They're part of traditional women.
00:11:12.500 Of course they are.
00:11:13.320 The gypsies.
00:11:14.680 Yes, they are.
00:11:15.740 They're gypsies.
00:11:16.720 Okay.
00:11:17.000 I don't know anything about gypsies.
00:11:18.660 We don't really have those in the US.
00:11:20.320 We actually have loads of them here.
00:11:21.780 We don't.
00:11:22.220 We actually don't.
00:11:23.420 Actually, we don't call them that.
00:11:25.520 No, no, no.
00:11:26.080 They're not allowed to get an education.
00:11:27.760 They literally have to like
00:11:28.540 get married at a very young age
00:11:29.840 and have children and leave them.
00:11:31.420 Oh, okay.
00:11:32.240 Yeah, okay.
00:11:32.680 No, we don't.
00:11:33.500 Yeah, I know, but we don't call.
00:11:34.860 Let's not get this.
00:11:36.120 We don't call them that.
00:11:37.100 Let's be very.
00:11:37.980 Call them what?
00:11:40.120 Gypsies.
00:11:40.560 Because they're not gypsies.
00:11:41.540 They call themselves gypsies.
00:11:42.940 I said, they call themselves gypsies.
00:11:43.740 They do call themselves gypsies.
00:11:44.960 I'm just saying that
00:11:45.860 they're also,
00:11:46.600 they're very strategic
00:11:47.820 in their belief.
00:11:48.640 They're very,
00:11:49.300 in their faith
00:11:50.460 and how they're brought up
00:11:51.860 and what they believe in
00:11:53.940 as the same as a Muslim woman,
00:11:56.080 a Muslim culture is,
00:11:57.720 a Catholic culture is,
00:11:59.260 a Hindu culture is,
00:12:00.780 a Buddhism culture is.
00:12:01.800 There's different types
00:12:02.360 of traditional women, yes.
00:12:03.720 Okay.
00:12:04.500 And they're all falling to the same.
00:12:06.920 So we can't,
00:12:07.520 we can't sit here and say,
00:12:08.880 okay, so what would yours be?
00:12:10.120 We're going to have to go
00:12:10.960 back and forth all night
00:12:12.060 if you're going to talk about
00:12:13.520 there's different types of people.
00:12:15.200 Like that's the general argument
00:12:16.500 you keep making.
00:12:17.100 I just think you're stereotyping
00:12:17.500 one person.
00:12:18.180 I stereotype a lot,
00:12:19.260 so we'll get over it.
00:12:20.440 Okay, so I don't need
00:12:22.880 to get over that.
00:12:23.800 You do have to get over it
00:12:25.020 if you want to stay.
00:12:26.320 So I stereotype on the show.
00:12:28.700 Yes.
00:12:29.460 Okay.
00:12:30.000 As many of you know,
00:12:31.000 I was just banned on TikTok
00:12:33.080 and we are demonetized
00:12:34.780 on a daily basis
00:12:36.020 on this platform.
00:12:37.860 If you want to help,
00:12:39.320 please consider sending
00:12:40.440 a super thanks below.
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00:12:43.680 and it helps make
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