JustPearlyThings - Post Wall Woman's ADVICE To Modern Women

00:00:00.000 So what would you give up for the right guy?

00:00:03.240 What would I give up for the right guy?

00:00:05.160 Yeah, because we all agree that you have to make sacrifices in relationships, right?

00:00:08.440 So what sacrifices are you willing to make in a relationship?

00:00:11.760 You know what?

00:00:12.560 We just had the conversation before you came,

00:00:15.200 and we were talking about if we see ourselves as modern women and independent women,

00:00:19.640 and I made a transition.

00:00:20.780 I used to think I was a misindependent, modern woman,

00:00:25.240 but the recent years, I've made a transition,

00:00:28.960 and I never thought I would give up my career,

00:00:34.240 you know, just like being in a higher position.

00:00:37.380 I was looking when I was younger, I was always looking for status.

00:00:40.000 I was looking to go up the career ladder, making money,

00:00:43.300 but over time it has changed.

00:00:45.340 I think now I'm getting older, and I'm like,

00:00:47.000 hey, have I been wasting some years?

00:00:50.600 Do you think you have?

00:00:52.260 Now looking back, no.

00:00:53.500 I don't like to think so,

00:00:57.560 but if I were to go back and do some things different, I would.

00:01:00.720 But I don't regret it, because that has added to my experience now.

00:01:03.840 What would you do different?

00:01:05.600 Well, don't listen to songs like Neo, Miss Independent, first of all.

00:01:08.440 Yeah, that's a good song.

00:01:11.000 For you, yeah, yeah, okay.

00:01:12.160 Right?

00:01:12.640 And I think it's like this music culture, and yeah, society.

00:01:16.960 I would have gone back and spoke to my aunties more,

00:01:21.400 spoke to my mom more from Sudan, the traditions,

00:01:24.360 because I see my parents are still married.

00:01:26.720 My grandparents are still married.

00:01:29.260 And I would have, I wanted to rebel against that when I was younger.

00:01:33.560 Now I made that transition, and I'm thinking,

00:01:36.480 I'm not that independent woman.

00:01:37.680 I don't want to be an independent woman anymore.

00:01:40.640 So I would, if it's the right man,

00:01:43.360 I believe that the right man, we have aligned visions and missions.

00:01:47.560 So I'm willing to give up everything I had in my career

00:01:52.160 to go for what God has put us together as a mission together.

00:01:57.060 I would do that.

00:01:58.100 So you would give up your career for a family, say?

00:02:00.300 I would, if God wants me to do that, I would, yeah.

00:02:04.020 So one thing you said, you said you don't regret it?

00:02:07.840 Or you do, like,

00:02:09.300 If I were to go back, I would do some things different,

00:02:11.400 but I am grateful for where I'm at right now.

00:02:14.740 So I'm grateful that I had this experience.

00:02:16.660 Now I have a little niece.

00:02:18.060 I can teach her those things,

00:02:19.560 so she doesn't go the road that I went to.

00:02:22.140 But, um,

00:02:23.640 I just never understand when women say they don't regret it, 1.00

00:02:26.740 if they would change it,

00:02:28.080 because then wouldn't you regret it?

00:02:30.300 I don't understand your question.

00:02:32.060 Like, like, I've heard girls say that, 1.00

00:02:33.940 and it doesn't compute to me,

00:02:35.420 because me, if like, if I would change something,

00:02:37.140 then I regret a certain decision.

00:02:39.280 Well, it's, it's the feeling.

00:02:40.980 If you don't like the outcome,

00:02:42.040 if you don't like the outcome,

00:02:43.220 like, why don't you regret it?

00:02:46.220 Well, it's the context.

00:02:46.560 To be honest, Pearl, I don't, I, again, like,

00:02:49.640 I'm, I'm not going to apologize for it.

00:02:51.560 I'm very faith-driven,

00:02:52.600 so I speak from that perspective.

00:02:54.800 And, um, regret is a very,

00:02:57.300 it's a very bad feeling.

00:02:59.140 And it's, I don't believe that we're meant to live with regret.

00:03:02.360 So before I was regretting it, for sure.

00:03:05.300 I was feeling those regrets.

00:03:06.940 I was feeling those,

00:03:08.220 oh, I shouldn't have done.

00:03:09.100 But then, because I'm safe now,

00:03:11.100 because I have a different life now,

00:03:12.900 I don't carry those feelings anymore.

00:03:15.300 I'm set free from that.

00:03:16.360 So, yeah, if I, if I was, it was the old me.

00:03:19.560 Why would anyone want to live with regret?

00:03:22.060 And why would that be comfortable for anybody to live with regret?

00:03:25.920 And why would you, anybody see that?

00:03:28.320 I don't mean it in like a way that,

00:03:30.280 I don't mean it in a way that shames,

00:03:32.180 but to me, like, when I hear that,

00:03:34.080 it just sounds like the same thing.

00:03:35.640 That was my question.

00:03:36.620 Because if I would change something,

00:03:38.080 then I regret it.

00:03:38.900 Well, regret, if you're living regret,

00:03:40.280 it's like you're holding on to something.

00:03:41.920 Then you can't, at the same time,

00:03:43.860 be grateful for who you are now,

00:03:45.620 what you've got.

00:03:46.420 So it's kind of like just not living in,

00:03:48.000 like, the shame of the decision.

00:03:49.360 Yeah, in the past.

00:03:49.880 It's like, okay, I did that.

00:03:51.260 And like, sorry, was it Carmen?

00:03:53.820 Yeah.

00:03:54.260 Yeah, she was saying it's,

00:03:55.460 it's what she's learned from it.

00:03:56.920 So how can you regret that?

00:03:58.140 It's like, wow, I've learned from it.

00:03:59.720 If I didn't go through this path,

00:04:01.080 I wouldn't even know.

00:04:02.640 I could, no, I mean,

00:04:04.420 I could absolutely look at certain decisions

00:04:06.380 that I've learned from and be like,

00:04:07.980 well, I regret, yeah, I wish I didn't do that.

00:04:09.980 Yeah, 100%.

00:04:10.640 There are things I've done.

00:04:11.980 And I'm not saying you should wallow in it.

00:04:13.240 You can't change it.

00:04:14.380 Yeah, but yeah, I get what you're saying.

00:04:15.700 There are certain things that, yeah,

00:04:17.000 I wish I did not do that.

00:04:18.480 I did not need to learn in that way.

00:04:19.780 I could have learned from other people.

00:04:21.460 So, yeah, so you mentioned

00:04:22.860 you went from being more modern

00:04:24.520 to being more traditional.

00:04:26.060 What did you do specifically

00:04:27.780 to make that change?

00:04:30.280 Yeah, so when I came here,

00:04:32.960 when I went to Germany,

00:04:34.240 I lived in Germany most of my life,

00:04:35.700 and then I came to the UK.

00:04:36.580 So I was more,

00:04:40.160 the culture has changed.

00:04:41.800 So I wasn't into very traditional,

00:04:43.420 I wasn't so close to my Sudanese background.

00:04:46.000 So I was more around people

00:04:47.440 who were living a very modern life.

00:04:50.360 And there's a lot of my friends

00:04:52.020 who were with single parents.

00:04:53.880 So in my culture,

00:04:55.120 this is not happening.

00:04:56.560 And that has shaped who I was becoming.

00:05:00.580 So you didn't surround yourself

00:05:02.660 with modern people.

00:05:03.500 No, I did, I did.

00:05:04.540 No, I'm saying now you chose

00:05:06.060 to switch it to more traditional.

00:05:07.380 No, now I have empathy.

00:05:09.280 Okay.

00:05:09.680 Now I can understand

00:05:11.040 why they're living this way

00:05:13.280 and why I rebelled against my roots

00:05:16.540 and who I came from.

00:05:18.780 But I made that transition

00:05:20.480 because I saw this,

00:05:22.120 yeah, I saw this freedom.

00:05:24.380 I saw this empowered woman. 0.59

00:05:26.220 I can be everything.

00:05:27.460 I can do everything.

00:05:29.320 But that comes with a price.

00:05:32.260 Could it be because you moved

00:05:33.800 from your country

00:05:34.700 to a more Western

00:05:36.260 and more free country?

00:05:37.740 Could it be that?

00:05:38.300 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

00:05:39.220 For sure, yeah.

00:05:39.900 Western country has definitely shaped me.

00:05:42.920 And I have to be honest,

00:05:44.520 not for the best way.

00:05:45.940 How old were you

00:05:46.800 when you came to the UK from Germany?

00:05:49.020 Three years.

00:05:50.340 Three years old?

00:05:51.380 Three years, yeah.

00:05:52.100 No, when I came from Sudan to Germany.

00:05:54.380 No, but from Germany to the UK,

00:05:55.660 how old was he?

00:05:56.560 I think 18, 19.

00:05:58.000 Okay.

00:06:00.380 So I still don't understand

00:06:02.400 what you did

00:06:03.000 to become more traditional.

00:06:05.220 Like, did you take cooking classes?

00:06:08.740 So I had examples

00:06:10.580 and I didn't see successful marriages.

00:06:14.440 I didn't see successful relationships.

00:06:15.960 So then I started to surround myself

00:06:17.980 around Christian communities

00:06:19.220 when I became a person of faith

00:06:20.900 and I got baptized in 2019.

00:06:23.880 That completely transitioned my life.

00:06:25.820 So as a result,

00:06:26.680 I started to see successful,

00:06:28.500 healthy marriages.

00:06:30.040 I didn't see that before.

00:06:31.540 That's why I didn't even

00:06:32.300 have the desire to be married.

00:06:33.760 You didn't see it?

00:06:34.440 I thought you said your parents

00:06:35.480 and your grandparents were married.

00:06:37.160 Yes, but that's the only example

00:06:38.900 that I had.

00:06:39.580 That's a very limited example.

00:06:41.260 But I didn't,

00:06:43.540 I did, okay, they're married,

00:06:45.580 but do I want to have their love life?

00:06:47.440 No.

00:06:49.400 They're still together.

00:06:50.400 Their values are amazing

00:06:51.340 when hard times hit.

00:06:53.080 Yeah, they stick together,

00:06:54.220 but I wanted more.

00:06:55.580 So I didn't have those examples.

00:06:57.460 But when I started to surround myself

00:07:00.100 in the right environments

00:07:01.240 and I started to see

00:07:02.140 that I can have healthy relationships

00:07:04.440 and healthy marriages

00:07:05.380 and yeah, with the right fire.

00:07:08.000 So that has changed,

00:07:09.540 surrounding myself,

00:07:10.300 the right people

00:07:10.980 who I can see an example.

00:07:12.580 All I needed was just an example

00:07:14.280 and role models

00:07:14.940 and I didn't see it.

00:07:16.760 So yeah,

00:07:17.220 so it still doesn't make sense to me

00:07:19.900 and I hear this a lot.

00:07:21.060 So it's not just you,

00:07:21.860 but like when I hear girls 1.00

00:07:22.820 talk about how they were modern

00:07:23.900 and then they became traditional.

00:07:25.460 Like I don't hear anything

00:07:26.580 that you actually did.

00:07:27.860 Like I hear that I surrounded,

00:07:29.240 I got baptized,

00:07:29.900 which is great.

00:07:30.840 You know, I'm pro-faith here.

00:07:33.620 And like that you surrounded yourself

00:07:36.060 with people that were married,

00:07:37.240 but it's like I can watch people

00:07:39.360 that play basketball.

00:07:40.280 That doesn't mean I learned to play.

00:07:41.720 So I was just wondering

00:07:42.500 like what specifically you did to become,

00:07:45.040 because if women want to know 1.00

00:07:46.560 you were modern before,

00:07:47.720 then you became traditional.

00:07:49.140 Like what specifically did you do?

00:07:51.800 Well, for something new to come in,

00:07:53.840 the old has to go. 0.67

00:07:55.400 My old self had to die.

00:07:57.460 So that means my old belief.

00:07:59.020 So because you said

00:08:00.340 you know of faith, right?

00:08:02.760 Do you know something

00:08:03.880 called the Holy Spirit?

00:08:05.480 So when the Holy Spirit

00:08:07.180 convicts someone on something,

00:08:09.280 when you have a conviction,

00:08:11.020 people call it intuition.

00:08:13.300 We call it the Holy Spirit.

00:08:15.920 So, but it's stronger.

00:08:17.620 It speaks so clearly.

00:08:18.660 It's like the thoughts feels wrong.

00:08:21.180 The person,

00:08:22.580 like I remember the day,

00:08:24.240 Pearl, this was crazy.

00:08:25.500 I remember the day

00:08:26.220 before I got baptized.

00:08:27.320 This was crazy.

00:08:27.980 I was with an atheist guy.

00:08:30.840 I was dating an atheist guy

00:08:32.460 and I was like,

00:08:35.060 yeah, I can change him, whatever.

00:08:37.020 And the day after I got baptized

00:08:39.260 and I had this inner conviction,

00:08:40.820 I had to break up with this person,

00:08:42.160 of course, for obvious reasons.

00:08:43.940 But did someone from outside

00:08:45.920 come and tell me this?

00:08:47.080 No, it was an inner conviction.

00:08:48.680 I knew that I had to let go

00:08:50.160 of certain people,

00:08:51.780 certain beliefs,

00:08:52.660 because my faith is now the priority.

00:08:55.740 I'm fully sold out.

00:08:56.960 No, and I think faith is great, right?

00:08:58.860 I think that's genuinely great for you.

00:09:01.280 But faith, like getting baptized,

00:09:03.180 being taken over with the Holy Spirit,

00:09:05.060 like I've been baptized,

00:09:06.240 that didn't make me traditional.

00:09:07.740 Yeah.

00:09:07.980 Right?

00:09:08.500 So.

00:09:09.000 Like what did you physically do?

00:09:10.480 Can you just define traditional?

00:09:12.140 Maybe I don't understand what you mean by traditional.

00:09:13.680 And traditional is like our grandmothers

00:09:15.740 and our great grandmothers.

00:09:17.460 That's like what they traditionally did.

00:09:20.860 Is there a hyper version of that?

00:09:23.000 Like, because I don't see myself

00:09:24.300 traditional, traditional,

00:09:25.480 but I don't see myself modern.

00:09:27.180 So is there like a middle definition

00:09:29.280 or hybrid?

00:09:31.080 I don't really think so.

00:09:33.740 I think it's like a lot of,

00:09:35.680 and no offense to you,

00:09:37.080 but modern women pretending to be traditional 1.00

00:09:39.540 and some of them don't really know they're not.

00:09:41.320 I don't think a lot of women. 1.00

00:09:41.900 But I think once you like are around

00:09:44.380 like a truly traditional woman, 0.99

00:09:46.100 you just know it when you see it.

00:09:47.420 I think there's differences

00:09:48.680 because you can be around,

00:09:49.900 like you're saying traditional,

00:09:51.180 you can not be.

00:09:52.940 And I think that individual person

00:09:55.780 grows up to believe

00:09:57.180 and do what they believe in their faith

00:09:59.180 and whatever they choose.

00:10:00.920 But you can like believe things

00:10:02.740 and that's great,

00:10:03.660 but it's about what you do.

00:10:05.260 Yes, exactly.

00:10:06.320 And I agree with that.

00:10:07.300 If you see a traditional woman 1.00

00:10:08.200 like would dress a certain way,

00:10:10.640 like modestly.

00:10:11.580 I agree with that.

00:10:12.300 Yeah, modestly,

00:10:13.040 you know,

00:10:13.660 wouldn't show off

00:10:14.520 and wouldn't go out party

00:10:15.640 and drink in.

00:10:17.580 Yeah, would be at home.

00:10:20.040 Traditional women are usually married. 1.00

00:10:21.860 They usually submit to their husbands.

00:10:23.380 They usually are the one

00:10:24.560 that's cooking for everyone.

00:10:25.740 I think the greatest thing would be

00:10:27.540 how do you see traditional women?

00:10:29.140 Because in different,

00:10:30.040 even in the UK,

00:10:31.480 in different parts,

00:10:32.320 there's different parts of,

00:10:33.780 if you look at Liverpool,

00:10:35.100 if we look at travellers, 0.96

00:10:36.300 everyone has a traditional type

00:10:38.380 of how they bring,

00:10:40.360 if you look at any culture,

00:10:43.260 they all have a different traditional way

00:10:45.100 and in their life.

00:10:46.160 They have different traditions,

00:10:47.840 but I would still say

00:10:48.920 the archetype of a traditional woman

00:10:50.720 is the same.

00:10:51.360 It's the same.

00:10:52.140 No, because if you look at home,

00:10:53.480 looking after the family,

00:10:55.000 cooking, provide.

00:10:55.400 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:10:57.240 If you look at travellers, 1.00

00:10:58.360 if you look at the difference.

00:10:59.640 They're very crisp.

00:11:01.080 No, no, no.

00:11:01.760 They're very strict.

00:11:03.360 They're very prominent.

00:11:04.200 They're travellers.

00:11:05.880 That is nothing.

00:11:07.540 I'm just saying

00:11:08.380 when you look at it,

00:11:09.160 they're part of traditions.

00:11:10.560 They're part of traditional women. 1.00

00:11:12.500 Of course they are.

00:11:13.320 The gypsies. 1.00

00:11:14.680 Yes, they are. 0.57

00:11:15.740 They're gypsies. 1.00

00:11:16.720 Okay.

00:11:17.000 I don't know anything about gypsies.

00:11:18.660 We don't really have those in the US.

00:11:20.320 We actually have loads of them here.

00:11:21.780 We don't.

00:11:22.220 We actually don't.

00:11:23.420 Actually, we don't call them that.

00:11:25.520 No, no, no.

00:11:26.080 They're not allowed to get an education.

00:11:27.760 They literally have to like

00:11:28.540 get married at a very young age

00:11:29.840 and have children and leave them. 0.86

00:11:31.420 Oh, okay.

00:11:32.240 Yeah, okay.

00:11:32.680 No, we don't.

00:11:33.500 Yeah, I know, but we don't call.

00:11:34.860 Let's not get this.

00:11:36.120 We don't call them that.

00:11:37.100 Let's be very.

00:11:37.980 Call them what?

00:11:40.120 Gypsies. 0.99

00:11:40.560 Because they're not gypsies. 1.00

00:11:41.540 They call themselves gypsies. 1.00

00:11:42.940 I said, they call themselves gypsies. 1.00

00:11:43.740 They do call themselves gypsies. 1.00

00:11:44.960 I'm just saying that

00:11:45.860 they're also,

00:11:46.600 they're very strategic

00:11:47.820 in their belief.

00:11:48.640 They're very,

00:11:49.300 in their faith

00:11:50.460 and how they're brought up

00:11:51.860 and what they believe in

00:11:53.940 as the same as a Muslim woman,

00:11:56.080 a Muslim culture is,

00:11:57.720 a Catholic culture is,

00:11:59.260 a Hindu culture is,

00:12:00.780 a Buddhism culture is.

00:12:01.800 There's different types

00:12:02.360 of traditional women, yes. 0.60

00:12:03.720 Okay.

00:12:04.500 And they're all falling to the same.

00:12:06.920 So we can't,

00:12:07.520 we can't sit here and say,

00:12:08.880 okay, so what would yours be?

00:12:10.120 We're going to have to go

00:12:10.960 back and forth all night

00:12:12.060 if you're going to talk about

00:12:13.520 there's different types of people.

00:12:15.200 Like that's the general argument

00:12:16.500 you keep making.

00:12:17.100 I just think you're stereotyping

00:12:17.500 one person.

00:12:18.180 I stereotype a lot,

00:12:19.260 so we'll get over it.

00:12:20.440 Okay, so I don't need

00:12:22.880 to get over that.

00:12:23.800 You do have to get over it

00:12:25.020 if you want to stay.

00:12:26.320 So I stereotype on the show.

00:12:28.700 Yes.

00:12:29.460 Okay.

00:12:30.000 As many of you know,

00:12:31.000 I was just banned on TikTok

00:12:33.080 and we are demonetized

00:12:34.780 on a daily basis

00:12:36.020 on this platform.

00:12:37.860 If you want to help,

00:12:39.320 please consider sending

00:12:40.440 a super thanks below.

00:12:42.400 Every donation helps

00:12:43.680 and it helps make

00:12:44.520 what we do possible.

JustPearlyThings - May 22, 2023

Post Wall Woman's ADVICE To Modern Women

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