She Blames Her Parents For Her Childhood Traumas
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
195.70892
Summary
In this episode, we discuss the topic of good and bad wives leaving a toxic marriage. Do good wives leave? Is separation a good option for the sake of the kids or is it better to stay together as a family unit? Is it better for the kids to move out or stay in the same house as their parents?
Transcript
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tell me your thoughts do good wives leave yes or no and good wives only believe in separation they
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don't believe in divorce you can go it's all right you can disagree that's what do you what do you
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think tell me why um i mean if you want to leave leave honestly it doesn't make you a bad person
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i just just leave like if i don't know it can be very little this or you're just not feeling
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anymore like both of you it's a mutual thing or okay just leave i don't believe in that separation
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so a good wife can leave yeah okay go ahead uh yeah i do agree with you um only because based
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of my personal experience and watching my parents be like that i always grew up wanting them to
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actually get a divorce because it was so damaging to us as children so i feel like life is way too
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short to stay in a marriage with someone that you are not happy with and to continue living
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a miserable life yeah why why put yourself through that why put your kids through that as
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well if kids are involved as well so i do think you can still be a good wife but you can also
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leave maybe do it for the kids yeah like well because kids have better outcomes i'm saying
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stay together for the kids oh i don't like no it's even worse no yeah but see i as i was the kid and i
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always wanted my parents to get a divorce i would even tell them but why don't you guys get a divorce
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because it was so painful seeing them be the way they were with each other living that separated
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life in the same house but how do you how do you know it would have been a better outcome for you
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you seem to have turned out okay right thank you so um your outward appearance doesn't necessarily
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indicate what's going on inside though yeah exactly what i'm saying haven't you like i don't know um
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um every statistic statistic will tell you it's better to have two parents in the same house
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than it is yeah but one parent i know but then that kid also has to deal with that trauma for
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example i have trauma now growing up you may you may see me like this but like you don't know how i am
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inside like i have childhood trauma now because of my parents marriage and witnessing what went on in
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that house because they did not uh get a divorce did they get did they not get along they would fight
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a lot yeah absolutely they did not get along and really and truly they should have got divorced but
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because of the kids they stayed and because my mom believed in this whole i need to be a good wife
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and i can't leave him now that he's old and throw him out she stayed but i wish she would have got
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divorced because that was really painful as a child growing up to see those things what if one of them
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had moved out though and you hadn't seen them as much would that have been painful as well do you
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think i think either way it would that either way it would have been but i actually would have preferred
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that if they had got different house yeah i would have liked my dad my dad's not alive anymore um but
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i would have liked it if he moved out and we saw him on weekends or something because i feel like it
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would have been a healthier environment for us kids i think it causes a divide and a toxic household
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as well yeah it was an extremely toxic household it was and it was really hard growing up dealing
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with that actually um and it's also given me trauma now that you know i'm in a relationship and i'm
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planning to get married and i worry that i'm gonna have the same life my mom and dad had which is a
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horrible feeling but that is what kids who go through those things end up feeling when they get to
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my age do you think that's me do you look at kind of marriage as a more kind of solid thing now
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though you look at it and you go i have to want this so badly yeah before i get it's like i want
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to break the generational curse now because because it's a lot of women in my family unfortunately left
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their husbands um that's that's that at least that's a positive outlook that you've got on it you
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can look at it and be like yeah i want to be successful in it that's yeah that's strong and
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can hold together even through hardship you can be like well i don't want what happened before yeah
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at least it's something you can kind of yeah grow on and develop have you ever seen a healthy
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relationship no i don't have a representation of a healthy relationship no so how how would you learn
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how to be a wife um i'm doing a lot of inner work like i'm really searching inwards i you know i've
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looked into therapy i i've tried to work on myself i tried to work work on my traumas i really want to
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break that generational curse um so i have healthy open com you know conversations with my mum about
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these things in the past and her marriage with my dad we talk about these things on a daily basis
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um so i feel like i i have i have the right mindset now because i know what i don't want
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and i don't want that unhealthy toxic environment that unfortunately i grew up in as a child i don't
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want my kids to go through that so i feel like all the things that my mum and dad went through i don't
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want to be reenacting those in my marriage how are you raised your hand um when it goes back to what you
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just asked um i agree with you um i don't have any parents in my life mom or dad um i had a mom
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who played a woman and a father um but i think when it comes to relationships and what you choose i think
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it comes to choices and what you learn i think the world i think that's quite big to be honest but i think
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just like learning from people around you you just kind of sit back and be like do i like that do i
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accept that um and i think it's just choice really what makes you happy and you just build yourself if
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that makes sense like with me i think love's beautiful i would love yeah i would love to get
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married and it's not just marriage you know i understand where you're coming from it's like
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signing a paper and i get where you where like you come from i understand that but i feel like
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there's someone out there for everyone i agree you know yeah and i yeah i agree with you and i
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think i would love to get that opportunity why do you think that why because what was that i didn't
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even hear it oh there's not there's not someone for everyone why yeah because some women die alone
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a lot of women do they do all the time some men die alone but how do you know they didn't have the
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love of their life yeah and they lost it yeah because one out of three men are sex because karma
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who said that one of three men are either virgins or having had sex in the past year plus there's
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more women than men but they lost the love of their life because of karma because of what no no there's
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there's more women than men on the planet so if every woman had someone there would be eat 50 50.
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can i ask a question do you see yourself sorry a bit off topic but i'm just quite curious would you
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do you see yourself marrying a man or not like again i would only ever get married if that other
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person really wanted it but i i've actually this is probably the first time i've ever openly come out
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as bisexual like publicly um but yeah i mean i yeah either way if it's the if it meant a lot to
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the other person and i you know felt like it i was in a position in my life to be like that's really
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if that means so much to you i want to be able to give that to you would you marry a woman yeah
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yeah yeah why me but i i again it wouldn't be because i want to even with the nagging
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i nag to myself that's enough sometimes who here thinks i just want to raise a hand who
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thinks good wives don't leave you do everyone else thinks good wives leave oh actually wait no good
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good good wives will never leave good good wives you you think that i don't think you're no you're
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not a wife if you leave i think if you sign up for something you're not you're no longer a wife if
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you leave are you you're no longer so so you're neither someone else's wife yeah but you're not
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in that situation you're no longer the wife to be a good wife so are you a good one i'm just gonna i
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just kind of want to break this down okay this is why men are complaining it's like they maybe get
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one meal from a good wife and she's she's okay to leave if she feels like it and we fight i mean
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he's okay to leave as well like it's i mean but but the thing is we don't have anything on the line
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if a man marries you you i'm doing a documentary on the court system here you you literally are paid
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like lawyers um you are you get a free counsel here if you say that he abused you and you can deny
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him access for his kids up to two years trying to get like he doesn't have a chance in court
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vice versa no it's not vice no no but vice versa it's so much harsher on the man isn't it no it's
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so it's so much harsher on the man to the point 90 of the time um women get custody yeah and it's
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actually like it's actually a really it's really sad i'm interviewing some of the guys that have like
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been through it it's it's there are guys that haven't seen their kid in four years because they're
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ex accused them of abuse and they never did it there's no proof there's no how'd you know they
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didn't do it because there's no proof that doesn't mean anything that doesn't it doesn't mean that they
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do something or they okay you think it's do you think it's okay to deny access to children with no
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evidence of a crime no evidence they never press charges no evidence i think it very much we should
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just take take women's word amber heard's word oh that's another that's another thing