JustPearlyThings - April 03, 2023


She DATED A Weak Man For 12 Years


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

186.45102

Word Count

1,833

Sentence Count

186

Misogynist Sentences

5

Hate Speech Sentences

2


Summary

In this episode, we discuss what we look for in a significant other and why we don t settle for less than what we want in a partner. We also talk about what we would do if we were in a situation where we didn t have the authority to say what we wanted in a relationship.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I would say I'd like someone to be honest.
00:00:03.680 And even if that is brutally honest, I prefer that.
00:00:08.600 Someone that is considerate.
00:00:11.920 Someone that I'm attracted to, first of all.
00:00:14.580 That's my number one.
00:00:16.020 And then the rest kind of follows.
00:00:17.080 I'm a bit more like, I don't mind relaxing some of my wants
00:00:23.200 if the person is a decent person, if he's got drive,
00:00:27.920 if he likes to enjoy life, if he sees fun in being alive,
00:00:35.180 appreciates being alive.
00:00:37.660 Things can change.
00:00:39.020 I'm not so black and white on things.
00:00:42.140 I have dated, okay, I was young,
00:00:44.500 but I've dated someone that was shorter than me before.
00:00:50.020 Actually, I've only had two relationships and both weren't tall.
00:00:55.220 So it's not like I'm looking for...
00:00:56.580 Did you break up with them or did they break up with you?
00:00:59.040 They both broke up with me.
00:01:00.560 Okay.
00:01:03.420 So what else?
00:01:04.380 Anything else?
00:01:05.300 Obviously, like I said earlier,
00:01:07.540 they come back.
00:01:12.320 When they realize the grass isn't greener.
00:01:15.440 But yeah.
00:01:16.520 Would you take them back if they came back?
00:01:19.060 Well, I did with one particular one.
00:01:21.280 Not anymore, though.
00:01:22.560 That option's not even there anyway, but not anymore.
00:01:25.240 Can I ask why they broke up with you?
00:01:29.580 Is it you or is it them?
00:01:33.040 I would say it could be...
00:01:36.120 So the first person wanted, like I said earlier,
00:01:38.840 wanted to have fun.
00:01:40.440 Went off, thought he could come back.
00:01:43.460 And I didn't let him come back.
00:01:44.920 And that really upset him.
00:01:46.120 Second person, he did keep coming back, to be honest.
00:01:51.900 It's a long story.
00:01:53.160 We were dating since like I was 14.
00:01:57.180 14 to 18, broke up, dated the other guy,
00:02:01.860 and then got back with him after.
00:02:03.960 And we were dating for about 12 years,
00:02:07.880 with maybe a year gap in between that.
00:02:09.640 Wow, you were with him for 12 years?
00:02:11.920 Yeah, with like 13 years, with a year gap in between.
00:02:15.520 Wow.
00:02:16.540 Why didn't y'all get married?
00:02:18.400 That was the idea.
00:02:19.560 Yeah.
00:02:20.300 That was the idea.
00:02:21.460 It's longer than most marriages.
00:02:23.180 Yeah, it was the idea.
00:02:24.140 We lived as, you know, as you would.
00:02:26.900 But, you know, things change.
00:02:28.820 People change.
00:02:30.400 And I think sometimes,
00:02:31.980 when someone's in an environment
00:02:34.140 where they're with a lot of younger people,
00:02:36.640 they can change what they want.
00:02:38.340 So initially, when we first dated,
00:02:41.680 he would, he still would hold all the doors and everything.
00:02:44.320 He's very gentlemanly.
00:02:45.540 And he's a very nice person.
00:02:47.840 But he, he would not like it
00:02:50.780 if I attempted to pay for something.
00:02:52.760 He had to pay for things.
00:02:54.040 Like, he learned to drive
00:02:55.580 because he didn't like me driving him around.
00:02:57.800 He was saying.
00:02:58.380 That sounds amazing.
00:02:59.340 He was like, I don't feel manly.
00:03:01.680 Yeah.
00:03:02.040 Yeah.
00:03:02.720 But at the end, when we broke up,
00:03:04.560 one of the reasons he gave is
00:03:05.800 because I don't pay,
00:03:07.380 take him out on dates and pay for things.
00:03:09.500 But he's in an environment
00:03:10.580 where he hangs around with younger people.
00:03:12.260 And I think he may have got a bit messed up along the ways.
00:03:17.340 He had it right in the beginning.
00:03:18.700 You know, he was very traditional.
00:03:20.820 And I like that about him.
00:03:22.060 He was a good person.
00:03:22.980 He treated his mum.
00:03:23.640 That's another thing.
00:03:24.580 They have to treat their mum well.
00:03:26.540 And I think that that speaks volumes.
00:03:30.420 Yeah.
00:03:31.200 Times change.
00:03:32.140 People grow out of each other.
00:03:34.640 So, he...
00:03:36.480 Because this just doesn't make sense.
00:03:38.220 So, he hung around younger people
00:03:39.560 and then he was mad you didn't pay for things?
00:03:40.620 So, he's a musician.
00:03:42.820 Okay.
00:03:43.520 And I think when other people say,
00:03:45.520 oh, my girlfriend bought me this,
00:03:47.040 my girlfriend done this
00:03:48.140 and took me this place.
00:03:49.420 Oh.
00:03:49.880 And then it made him think,
00:03:51.100 oh, why isn't she doing that?
00:03:52.500 But he would have been angry
00:03:53.720 if I'd done that originally.
00:03:56.080 Do you think there was other ways
00:03:57.420 maybe you could have done something
00:03:58.760 that wasn't money
00:03:59.500 that he would have appreciated?
00:04:00.840 Oh, yeah, I did.
00:04:01.840 Yeah, I did.
00:04:02.440 And he just didn't take that into account?
00:04:03.980 Well, no.
00:04:06.480 Maybe not.
00:04:07.320 Obviously not.
00:04:08.160 Yeah.
00:04:08.540 That kind of sounds like
00:04:09.460 he was doing stuff.
00:04:10.880 Not more so to have the authority,
00:04:13.680 not in a bad way,
00:04:14.940 but to have the authority
00:04:16.040 be like, yeah,
00:04:16.740 I can look after you.
00:04:18.060 But kind of just dismiss the fact
00:04:19.860 that he wanted to be looked after too.
00:04:21.280 So, maybe that's why he came back
00:04:22.300 and went, cool,
00:04:23.300 like, you didn't look after me.
00:04:24.900 But like, for him,
00:04:25.860 his only, like,
00:04:27.280 his only intention
00:04:28.120 was to look after you.
00:04:29.060 And, well, I don't think,
00:04:30.060 I don't know,
00:04:30.440 based on what I'm hearing,
00:04:32.160 that's what it sounds like.
00:04:33.600 But, yeah.
00:04:34.980 Based on what I'm hearing,
00:04:36.120 he got easily influenced
00:04:37.360 by his peers.
00:04:38.900 And that's what it was.
00:04:40.440 He spent more time
00:04:41.320 with his younger peers
00:04:42.220 listening to them.
00:04:43.500 And sometimes it became hard.
00:04:44.760 Peer pressure can come at any age.
00:04:46.580 Yeah, I think so.
00:04:47.360 Especially as yous lot
00:04:48.340 were together so young.
00:04:49.840 And he was so,
00:04:50.580 it seems like he was
00:04:51.880 mature when he was young.
00:04:54.240 And then he spent
00:04:54.900 most of his youth being mature.
00:04:56.700 And then when he had the chance
00:04:57.860 to be young again
00:04:59.020 and be a teenager,
00:05:00.540 because he'd lost
00:05:01.160 all his teenage years,
00:05:02.200 he just went for it
00:05:02.860 because he was surrounded by that.
00:05:04.540 I think if he wasn't a musician,
00:05:05.720 it would have been different.
00:05:06.700 But being a musician,
00:05:08.500 that's hard.
00:05:09.500 Yeah.
00:05:10.200 I made him be a musician as well.
00:05:12.980 Oh, right.
00:05:14.200 I was like, do it.
00:05:15.580 Follow your, yeah, do it.
00:05:16.800 It's fine.
00:05:17.360 I can, you know,
00:05:18.380 take care of things
00:05:20.120 for a little while.
00:05:20.960 That's such a long relationship.
00:05:22.480 It just sounds like
00:05:23.400 such a,
00:05:24.520 it's seemingly smaller thing
00:05:26.580 that to end such a long relationship.
00:05:28.100 Oh, no, there was many,
00:05:29.000 there was many things.
00:05:30.280 There was many things
00:05:31.300 that he'd done at the end
00:05:32.360 that were not good.
00:05:33.320 But I don't really want,
00:05:34.180 he's a good person.
00:05:35.120 I've got nothing bad
00:05:35.840 to say about him.
00:05:36.540 But he behaved badly
00:05:38.320 for a little while.
00:05:39.760 For like six months
00:05:40.860 of our relationship.
00:05:42.680 He behaved very badly.
00:05:44.120 And then he's now back
00:05:46.140 to being normal
00:05:46.760 and everything,
00:05:47.440 you know, fine.
00:05:49.060 But he, yeah,
00:05:49.820 he was a different person
00:05:50.720 for a while.
00:05:50.740 I've got fingers crossed for you.
00:05:52.300 Yeah.
00:05:52.720 No, no, no, no, no.
00:05:53.420 Absolutely not.
00:05:54.040 I'm rooting for it a little bit.
00:05:54.880 No, hell no.
00:05:55.940 Absolutely not.
00:05:57.020 He won't mature.
00:05:58.380 No, no.
00:05:59.420 How old is he now?
00:06:01.220 He's 40.
00:06:01.700 When he, so it was,
00:06:03.440 when he was turning.
00:06:04.560 Is he with anyone?
00:06:05.680 I don't know.
00:06:06.200 He would,
00:06:06.520 I don't think he would ever tell me.
00:06:07.800 That's the thing.
00:06:08.560 I don't think he would.
00:06:09.320 You didn't creep?
00:06:11.220 No.
00:06:11.700 You didn't check his page?
00:06:13.460 No, I haven't recently.
00:06:14.580 Obviously when we first broke up,
00:06:16.060 I looked.
00:06:17.260 Would it make you feel?
00:06:17.920 We're still on,
00:06:18.680 we're still friends on everything.
00:06:19.860 We haven't done that.
00:06:21.920 Would it make you feel
00:06:22.460 a type of way if he told you
00:06:23.400 he was talking to someone else
00:06:24.260 right now?
00:06:24.720 No, not at all.
00:06:25.620 I'm completely healed.
00:06:26.680 Like literally when he moved out,
00:06:29.320 I came to terms with it pretty quick.
00:06:31.620 And I am one of those people
00:06:33.760 that take things as a lesson
00:06:35.000 and I move on from it.
00:06:36.880 So I'm like,
00:06:37.780 I could see,
00:06:38.720 so he's done some really bad things
00:06:39.880 at the end,
00:06:40.340 but he's a good person
00:06:41.840 and I can see the part
00:06:43.240 I played in that.
00:06:44.320 So I can see how my behaviour
00:06:46.360 made him behave that way.
00:06:49.160 So I think, you know,
00:06:50.320 sometimes it can be easy
00:06:51.620 to stop doing the things
00:06:54.280 that you do for each other.
00:06:55.560 and not keeping things alive,
00:06:58.080 you know,
00:06:58.580 and I'm not saying in the bedroom,
00:07:00.560 I'm saying in general,
00:07:01.960 day to day.
00:07:04.800 Yeah, so I just think that
00:07:06.960 good people,
00:07:08.560 bad situation,
00:07:10.140 things went upside down
00:07:11.480 and that's fine.
00:07:12.800 And actually,
00:07:13.640 I think I had my best year
00:07:15.300 of my life
00:07:15.920 since we split up funny enough,
00:07:18.440 not because he's a bad person,
00:07:20.280 it's just because
00:07:20.740 I can be me,
00:07:22.620 I can do what I want to do,
00:07:23.620 I don't have to consider
00:07:24.720 a partner's feelings
00:07:26.360 for a little while.
00:07:28.220 I'm not the type of person
00:07:29.480 to just move
00:07:30.120 from person to person.
00:07:33.080 Yeah, so I'm just good
00:07:34.140 being me for a little while.
00:07:35.780 I'm still kind of rooting for it.
00:07:37.320 No, no, no,
00:07:37.960 no, don't,
00:07:38.680 don't, no.
00:07:39.220 Okay, what about you two?
00:07:42.260 What do you guys look for
00:07:43.060 in a guy?
00:07:47.480 Go ahead, go ahead.
00:07:48.360 I've already answered,
00:07:49.160 I said I have everything I want.
00:07:50.280 Yeah, she says.
00:07:50.960 Oh, sorry, I'm sorry.
00:07:51.800 It's okay.
00:07:53.400 I want the truth
00:07:54.140 because I seem to find myself
00:07:57.260 in the position
00:07:58.660 where I'm always seen
00:07:59.440 to be the side bit,
00:08:01.040 side bitch,
00:08:01.720 all the time.
00:08:03.320 And I think that's just
00:08:05.860 what annoys me.
00:08:07.940 You think you give us
00:08:08.900 side chick vibes?
00:08:09.800 Yeah, I just don't seem
00:08:11.160 to find someone
00:08:11.860 that just wants me.
00:08:12.480 But do you know
00:08:13.080 he's in a relationship
00:08:13.960 when you meet him?
00:08:14.780 No, otherwise I wouldn't go there.
00:08:16.580 Oh, okay.
00:08:17.300 That's different.
00:08:18.280 Yeah.
00:08:18.740 I just get put in a position
00:08:19.860 where I find out
00:08:20.840 like months,
00:08:23.260 in one case,
00:08:24.080 two years,
00:08:25.960 that they've been
00:08:27.260 in a relationship.
00:08:28.180 So I just want the truth
00:08:29.140 because it doesn't hurt me.
00:08:31.000 Like you could turn around
00:08:31.640 and say,
00:08:31.900 oh, this is not serious.
00:08:33.700 And I'd be like,
00:08:34.680 it is what it is.
00:08:36.080 I want to have my fun.
00:08:37.600 But if you...
00:08:38.240 Why do you think
00:08:38.720 they put you in that box?
00:08:40.560 I think because
00:08:41.040 I don't necessarily come...
00:08:44.000 I don't come across
00:08:46.420 like I want to have
00:08:47.400 something serious.
00:08:48.660 Okay.
00:08:49.120 So as much as I do,
00:08:51.100 I'm like in between
00:08:51.940 because I've had
00:08:52.800 bad experiences before,
00:08:54.480 which has made me feel
00:08:55.520 like I don't want
00:08:56.240 no one to live with me.
00:08:57.500 I don't want this.
00:08:59.060 I don't want that.
00:08:59.720 But then it comes to
00:09:00.800 I do feel lonely
00:09:01.820 and I would want
00:09:03.300 that intimacy
00:09:03.940 and that love
00:09:04.740 from the right person.
00:09:06.620 Do you think
00:09:07.240 that that's in a way
00:09:08.100 making the mistakes
00:09:09.480 of the men of the future
00:09:10.660 pay for the mistakes
00:09:11.480 of your past?
00:09:13.700 It's kind of like
00:09:14.400 when a guy
00:09:15.620 is always going
00:09:16.880 through your phone
00:09:17.440 because some girl
00:09:18.120 cheated on him
00:09:18.920 in a way.
00:09:21.160 See, I always say
00:09:21.900 this rule.
00:09:22.380 I won't go through
00:09:22.880 your phone.
00:09:23.340 Don't go through
00:09:23.720 my phone.
00:09:24.720 If you see something
00:09:25.360 that's going to hurt you.
00:09:26.300 Don't you think that
00:09:26.960 before you move on
00:09:27.760 to one relationship,
00:09:28.700 get rid of the baggage.
00:09:30.020 Heal from one
00:09:30.940 before you go.
00:09:31.600 Don't take one relationship
00:09:33.020 into the other.
00:09:33.720 As many of you know,
00:09:34.740 I was just banned
00:09:35.880 on TikTok
00:09:36.780 and we are demonetized
00:09:38.500 on a daily basis
00:09:39.760 on this platform.
00:09:41.560 If you want to help,
00:09:43.040 please consider
00:09:43.760 sending a super thanks
00:09:45.160 below.
00:09:46.100 Every donation helps
00:09:47.400 and it helps make
00:09:48.240 what we do possible.