JustPearlyThings - April 17, 2023


She ENDED A 5 Year Relationship Because Of THIS


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

213.05695

Word count

1,994

Sentence count

200

Harmful content

Misogyny

14

sentences flagged

Hate speech

7

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about how to create a sacred space in a relationship and how important it is to be able to communicate your needs and wants with your partner. We also talk about cheating and how to deal with it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Why would you want to be in a long-time relationship with someone
00:00:02.680 that you don't feel comfortable expressing your emotions?
00:00:06.000 No, no, I feel comfortable.
00:00:07.340 I don't mind.
00:00:07.700 I'll tell you anything.
00:00:08.860 But if I know what I'm going to tell you is not going to be easy on you,
00:00:12.020 why tell you it?
00:00:13.540 Do you understand what I'm trying to say?
00:00:14.500 Why make my girlfriend go through or my wife go through the stress
00:00:18.220 that she doesn't...
00:00:19.260 Listen, that's not your stress.
00:00:21.040 It's like her coming to me with every issue she's got in the house.
00:00:23.280 I don't want to hear it.
00:00:24.660 Don't come to me with every issue in the house
00:00:26.160 because I already got my issues to sort out.
00:00:28.140 Do you get what I'm trying to say?
00:00:28.720 So it's not that I lack communication.
00:00:30.820 It's just that some things is not meant for you to worry about.
00:00:33.380 And it's how you create a sacred space.
00:00:35.360 You know, when you go into a relationship,
00:00:37.380 you don't want to be bringing all of this baggage with you.
00:00:39.500 And I think in order to make a marriage long and successful,
00:00:42.920 you don't need to know every little detail of what they're doing,
00:00:45.740 where they're going, how the finances are going.
00:00:47.180 You create sacred space.
00:00:49.220 You know, as a woman, you take the load of the household and the kids. 1.00
00:00:52.240 You know, you don't need to bother your husband with every single thing.
00:00:55.060 And vice versa.
00:00:55.820 The husband doesn't need to come home
00:00:57.320 and tell you exactly what's happened at work
00:00:59.260 and how he's paid the bills,
00:01:00.980 but he's only got said how much I ever left.
00:01:03.480 Like, it's all about creating a space
00:01:05.300 where you're just, you're in like a comfort zone together.
00:01:08.240 And the fact that men have this ability
00:01:10.020 where they will go out and they will work
00:01:12.600 and they will take the load of the finances.
00:01:14.760 If they're not telling you if they're a bit short one month,
00:01:17.480 I don't think that's a bad thing.
00:01:18.740 I actually think it's beautiful that they want to kind of cushion you.
00:01:21.920 Would it be less attractive, though, as well,
00:01:23.440 if the dude is like coming out to you with every single little thing?
00:01:26.860 Yeah, like if he's coming home and he's like,
00:01:29.220 oh, like, oh, I'm 20 quid short and all of this.
00:01:32.680 I'd just be like, oh, my God.
00:01:34.900 My ex-boyfriend, my childhood sweetheart.
00:01:47.160 Oh, gosh, I can't believe I'm saying this.
00:01:49.880 Maybe don't.
00:01:51.620 He didn't have the money at the time to buy a car.
00:01:57.160 Well, that's not back up there.
00:01:58.180 So I bought him a car.
00:01:59.880 You bought him a car?
00:02:02.180 Wow.
00:02:02.520 How much was a car?
00:02:04.020 It was a BMW E36, I believe.
00:02:08.500 So it was a bit of a classic.
00:02:09.800 Yeah.
00:02:11.180 Lucky boy, isn't it?
00:02:12.600 But obviously he paid me back in installments, okay?
00:02:15.440 But that's what I mean.
00:02:16.700 How did that affect the dynamic of your relationship?
00:02:18.960 What does that do to your relationship?
00:02:20.480 Because then he owes you money.
00:02:21.700 It's not that.
00:02:22.520 It's like a relationship.
00:02:24.080 I think it's really important to have like a friendship.
00:02:26.760 Yeah.
00:02:27.840 Who broke up with who?
00:02:31.380 I broke up with him, but not for that reason.
00:02:34.020 Not for that reason.
00:02:35.040 It was for a different reason.
00:02:36.660 I just asked the question.
00:02:38.060 Does he still owe you the money?
00:02:39.420 No, no.
00:02:39.840 He paid me back.
00:02:40.700 Like I trusted him.
00:02:41.660 Did you break up with him after he paid you back?
00:02:44.360 The reason why I broke up with him is because he called me another girl's name.
00:02:49.060 So did he cheat too?
00:02:50.020 That's all right.
00:02:50.800 What?
00:02:51.700 What?
00:02:52.020 Wait, what?
00:02:52.400 That's crazy.
00:02:53.800 Anyways.
00:02:54.600 Wait, you break up with me not because I cheated, but because I called you someone else.
00:02:57.580 But might have.
00:02:58.380 Was he not cheating?
00:02:59.220 No, I know who that girl was because he spoke about that girl in the beginning of the relationship.
00:03:03.880 And I found something a little bit sus.
00:03:05.680 No, but that's my point.
00:03:06.580 Like even if that's, that's even more reason.
00:03:09.100 Because if it's a girl that I used to see, then it's quite easy that I might have mistaken you.
00:03:13.020 You know, I actually think the same thing.
00:03:14.560 Because I don't know.
00:03:15.120 I just feel like in society, we always jump to the worst case scenario instead of giving people the benefit of the doubt.
00:03:20.100 What if he just, what if he just.
00:03:22.040 Just a slip up.
00:03:22.500 Yeah.
00:03:23.320 How long were you two speaking for?
00:03:25.800 Oh no, we were like childhood sweethearts.
00:03:28.200 And then I broke up and, oh, I met him when I was 16.
00:03:31.360 We got together when I was 17.
00:03:33.060 And then I broke up with him and I was like 21, 22.
00:03:36.020 So for him to, so when did he mention her?
00:03:38.680 Because you said at the beginning of your relationship, was that when you were like 16?
00:03:41.420 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:42.040 When I was 16, he met him when you were 21.
00:03:44.180 Yeah.
00:03:44.500 Yeah.
00:03:44.740 So that, that's a big, like, how was her name?
00:03:47.940 But it's just words.
00:03:49.700 It's just words.
00:03:50.260 Oh no, no, no.
00:03:50.920 There was context behind those words.
00:03:52.600 But anyway, what I'm saying is in a relationship.
00:03:54.180 Oh wait, wait, hold on.
00:03:55.100 Was you doing the naughty when he said it?
00:03:58.660 No way, no way.
00:04:01.680 Break up with him.
00:04:02.820 No way.
00:04:03.940 No, no, no.
00:04:04.520 We were driving in the car.
00:04:06.020 Oh, okay, okay.
00:04:06.660 I think the one that I bought him and he just said her name and then he went, Nideshi, I
00:04:11.260 mean.
00:04:12.240 And it was because he was hanging her, like, hanging out with her before he saw me.
00:04:16.060 In your car.
00:04:16.280 Yeah, that's crazy.
00:04:17.120 In the car.
00:04:17.580 How do you know?
00:04:18.500 Did you have it all out with him though afterwards?
00:04:20.360 Were you like...
00:04:20.640 I just asked him, but he started getting a little bit defensive and I just said to him, like,
00:04:24.340 listen, like, I'm not judging you.
00:04:27.300 I'm not telling you off.
00:04:28.160 Like, I'm not your mum.
00:04:29.320 But our five-year relationship is over.
00:04:31.240 Stop the car.
00:04:32.020 Stop the car.
00:04:32.520 Let me ask.
00:04:33.740 Give me back my people.
00:04:34.880 We were on the boat way.
00:04:36.040 We were on the boat way.
00:04:37.060 So that couldn't even happen.
00:04:38.140 But anyways, I just said to him, like, it's okay.
00:04:40.020 Like, you can tell me.
00:04:40.780 And then he was just like, oh, because I knew the girl that he was talking about because
00:04:47.120 they were friends during, like, their childhood.
00:04:50.560 And then they tried to date, but it didn't work because it turned out that she's a lesbian. 0.99
00:04:57.100 So I was like, fair enough, fair enough.
00:04:59.440 And then they stopped speaking.
00:05:00.280 So he called you a lesbian's name and you still dumped him? 1.00
00:05:03.200 She's a lesbian. 1.00
00:05:04.320 If she's a lesbian, what? 1.00
00:05:05.620 So that wasn't the problem.
00:05:07.180 Wait, did he tell you that she was a lesbian? 0.52
00:05:08.680 What was the problem then?
00:05:09.060 Come on, we need context.
00:05:10.320 Yeah, yeah, sorry.
00:05:11.540 Let her finish. 0.98
00:05:12.300 Let her finish. 0.98
00:05:13.760 Let her finish. 0.98
00:05:13.820 Let her finish. 0.98
00:05:13.840 Let her finish. 0.98
00:05:13.860 What's the context?
00:05:16.300 So I was like, okay, so why are you hiding the fact that you're hanging out with her if you're
00:05:20.800 just friends?
00:05:21.280 And then he was just like, oh, and he couldn't give me a straight answer.
00:05:26.160 So that's when I was just like, okay, I'm just going to give it time.
00:05:29.660 If you want to open up about something, you will open up when you have to.
00:05:34.840 Anyways, time goes on.
00:05:37.600 And he showed me videos on his phone of them hanging out.
00:05:42.660 They're watching a movie.
00:05:43.900 They're under a blanket together eating Chinese food.
00:05:46.400 And I was just like.
00:05:47.460 He sent you the video?
00:05:48.980 He didn't send me it.
00:05:49.760 He just showed me on his phone.
00:05:50.720 He was like, see, we're not doing anything.
00:05:52.260 And I was just like.
00:05:54.580 Something is just off here.
00:05:56.000 He didn't help his case though, did he?
00:05:58.700 You know when you don't want to judge someone.
00:06:01.040 You know when you don't judge someone.
00:06:02.060 Is he trying to break up with you or something?
00:06:03.660 You started the story by saying you broke up with him because he called you another.
00:06:08.220 I gave him time.
00:06:10.140 I gave him time because I was just like, it could be a slip up.
00:06:12.760 You never know.
00:06:13.600 But then stuff didn't, you know, it wasn't adding up.
00:06:18.780 And then I was just like, you know what?
00:06:20.720 But ultimately, but ultimately, if she was a lesbian, would I get down to it anyway? 0.95
00:06:26.020 I mean.
00:06:28.100 But this leads on to a different question.
00:06:29.740 To be honest, I thought you were going to say that you said your name, like said that
00:06:32.160 girl's name while you were banging or something.
00:06:33.460 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
00:06:34.620 That's where I thought the story was going.
00:06:36.700 It doesn't really seem that serious.
00:06:38.260 Yeah.
00:06:38.440 Well, well, can I ask you something?
00:06:42.740 As a man or woman, are you allowed to like two people?
00:06:48.940 Yeah.
00:06:49.780 Like if I'm going out with you, am I allowed to like someone else?
00:06:52.580 Of course.
00:06:53.040 I mean, if you're in like a hardcore committed relationship and you're planning on getting
00:06:58.080 married and practicing exclusivity, then that's a bit of a disrespect.
00:07:03.740 But if you're in an open relationship and you're just dating.
00:07:05.840 It's a disrespect for me to like someone naturally.
00:07:08.600 Like something I can't help.
00:07:10.140 Yeah, you can't help how you feel.
00:07:12.380 You feel?
00:07:13.120 You can't help like attraction isn't a choice.
00:07:15.340 So if you walk past someone hot and you're like, God damn.
00:07:17.400 Oh, you mean that?
00:07:18.300 I thought you meant as in like physically do something.
00:07:20.640 You're seeing someone else whilst you're in a relationship.
00:07:22.320 No, no, no, no.
00:07:22.680 I mean like are you allowed to like someone?
00:07:24.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:24.700 Of course.
00:07:25.400 Like if he liked another girl's pictures on Instagram, I'll be like.
00:07:27.940 No, not like that.
00:07:29.160 I mean like I'm attracted to her.
00:07:31.300 Am I allowed to be attracted to another woman? 0.88
00:07:33.720 What, in a relationship?
00:07:34.920 Yeah, why am I in a relationship?
00:07:35.640 Dude, I have a question actually.
00:07:36.900 Did you have guy friends during this?
00:07:40.140 Yeah, but it was, it was very platonic.
00:07:43.740 Were you in the blanket?
00:07:44.980 Okay.
00:07:45.500 No, surprisingly.
00:07:46.580 Okay, so you had male friends.
00:07:49.140 You were mad at him for having a female friend.
00:07:51.660 Oh, no, it wasn't like that.
00:07:53.120 Okay.
00:07:53.320 It was like.
00:07:55.680 There was more of a bit of a female friend. 0.65
00:07:58.240 Do you see what I mean?
00:07:58.920 There's layers.
00:07:59.880 There's layers.
00:08:00.640 Yeah.
00:08:01.180 Did you find out for sure that they hooked up or like did something?
00:08:06.220 You know, I believe in.
00:08:08.080 For sure, like you know they did.
00:08:10.140 I believe in female intuition and I know.
00:08:13.480 I don't want to say the reason because it's too graphic.
00:08:17.680 Oh, my God.
00:08:19.520 Okay.
00:08:20.700 Okay.
00:08:21.840 You don't have to be graphic.
00:08:23.300 You could say yes or no.
00:08:24.420 So when I was with him, I.
00:08:27.460 You don't have to be graphic.
00:08:28.800 Let's be Shereen. 0.88
00:08:30.260 I just realized something like obviously with my body, like.
00:08:35.460 Anyways, when I, but compared to how my health was in the relationship to compare to how my health was outside the relationship, if you know what I mean.
00:08:42.420 Like, I was clean outside the relationship, but inside that relationship, I wasn't.
00:08:48.000 So he hadn't created a sacred space.
00:08:50.300 Exactly.
00:08:51.120 Yeah, that's it.
00:08:51.980 He was disrespected.
00:08:53.160 He was creating the sacred space with the lesbian under the blanket. 1.00
00:08:56.280 He was a community.
00:08:58.760 Goddamn.
00:08:59.120 Man, if you're going to, if you, anyway, if you're going to do something, strap up in it, like, you know what I'm saying, like.
00:09:04.000 Well, you shouldn't be driven by that, anyway.
00:09:05.240 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok, and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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