She EXPOSED Her Red Flags
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
220.49701
Summary
In this episode, I am joined by my good friend Lucy, who shares her experience of being sexually abused in her past relationships and how it affected her relationship with her partner. We talk about the effects of trauma and how this has affected her in the relationships she has been in and how she has dealt with it.
Transcript
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I've noticed a lot of people who say these kind of things have this idea that like they're never
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they never had anything to do with it right I couldn't have solved my own problem for this that
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this that this that but they can come out and tell the whole world about it but when you ask
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them what did you do in the time I know people who are like staunch feminists and they're still
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dating guys and being abused and telling me about like it's some like oh I'm a victim I was like
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oh you've been reading all these like Margaret Atwood books for time you still didn't know when
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you were being punched in the face that you should maybe leave and you can't like you can't just be
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like I hold the L you know I stayed in a bad situation too long I should have moved but
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you rarely get that it's normally everyone else's fault so I respect I respect your admittance
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thank you accountability is important in a relationship I guess everyone looking at
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of course it's who does more than the other but accountability is important I guess
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can I just say right I'm listening to you the young lady in the middle Lucy Lucy Lucy have you had
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any counselling or anything like that for what you've been through I uh with my first relationship
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no the whole thing because as far as I'm concerned I'm looking at you and it's still raw
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I have to say I have to say I am uh I am like a feisty little something um but yes I have I have had
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counselling and I'm and I'm still having it okay on on my anger and my um and my explosiveness which
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has calmed down a lot um but do you mean a lot relationship wise or no I'm just glad that you're
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getting some kind of help I uh a hands up for that I like I like that because you can tell in your face
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that the way you're talking about it like it happened yesterday hmm and it still has that same
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effect on you that's why I just thought you look you look traumatized oh wow I didn't see that at
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all but don't forget I've been abused I've been abused as well and I can see why when she was
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talking it was like she was reliving it it was like me mine's all gone do you know I mean I just
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packed that away a long time ago got rid of it had counselling sorted it out but for her to me it was raw
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I expected her to burst out crying like to relive it all over again that's what I picked up from her
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that's why I asked and the fact that it's still ongoing that council is still ongoing I got listen
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I'm not that good at reading the backs of people's heads so maybe that's it you're right no I I am
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taking I am still taking counseling like in the relationship I am now it's very healthy though
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there are some things that that don't go right you know my the partner I have now he's like very smart
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and he tries to like outsmart me sometimes and I don't want him to outsmart me but I recognize that
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he is smarter than me so we have like we we clash sometimes um so for that reason I do take
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counseling but the counseling I have taken before has absolutely helped me control my anger because
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I would be one that if someone was beeping at me in the car I would come out like and punch them
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that would be on one whereas now whereas now yeah whereas now I I am not that person like
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let's say road rage has calmed down but I can't say that I'm perfect no yes I yes I do take counseling
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and and I love it yeah and he he he the other day he was like here's here's 80 pounds for your
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counseling like a Colombian lady back home and then he he's like I support that because we are going
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to do anything that that means for our relationship to be healthy we do we have to invest and put some
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money down hey ho why not but I'm I'm I'm all for that I'm not going to say okay I took some counseling
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and I'm fine now no like I'm yeah I'm still I have a question so you said like you're the kind
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of person that something happens you get out of your car and you're ready to get into an altercation
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right you used to be I literally I did yeah do you think that played any part in like your past
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relationships because I could imagine at one point that would that would affect of course because even
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though you're in a relationship it gets to a point where when you're arguing with him you forget he's
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your boyfriend and the way you're seeing is oh you're squaring up to me so I'm going to square up to you
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it this relationship and laughing goes out the window uh he's trying to prove a point but no
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this is the point that I think um so so yeah it absolutely it absolutely does go out the window
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and then all this the way I was brought up like in school I was in a school where I'd like
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loads of fights went on and and and I was always involved I got bullied in like year seven year eight
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and then in year nine I was like you know this is not happening and then I became I just like um
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developed like this shield I'm gonna say and then of course I reflect that in my relationships but
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so with the baby dad it was horrible it was like that then with the next partner I had he was
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he was lovely I'm not gonna say he wasn't but there was physical violence involved
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from both from both so in the relationship I am now that doesn't happen and here I am I'm like okay
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I need therapy and I'm taking it and you know this I'm gonna do my absolute best and whatever it takes
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to make this one work why because I have a man that sees me the same way he knows my past
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he knows all the madness he even knows I've got a criminal record he knows that and he
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record yeah and he accepts me and he accepts me for that and he's like you know I'm gonna work with you
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because I believe that that you can be this good person and he knows that that deep down
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I am and I and I you know I just want the best for both of us so all this all this bs that went
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on in the past relationships I'm like okay that that that and that that's not happening again
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do you feel like because you're a woman um when it comes to like physical abuse that you get away
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with it more a hundred percent a hundred percent and we should we should test men respect 100 we do
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that because I'm I'm I consider myself a very feminine woman so if I have a guy that gets into
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a relationship with me I need to know you are that man that's gonna like hold me down because we do need
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that we do need that um assurance yeah we we do need that I'm gonna hold you down uh you're too
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feisty let me hold you down girl because you ain't going nowhere you know every now and then I'm gonna
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tell you what's what and we like that but when we get a guy that doesn't do that let me test you and if
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once once twice three times and then we just take you guys I'm not gonna say for granted but we we
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we fuck about with you you know I think I like I like what you're saying because I think it shows
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that like you you're aware of being a flawed person and it's a it's a it's a way of speaking
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I I almost never hear I'm generally shocked did you say a fraud person yeah like like you're you're
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flawed like you're you know you're cool with saying listen I can be very physically kind of domineering
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I can be aggressive have you noticed when you hear people talk about these kind of women talk
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about these they never say anything that you know anything is on their part then the idea is that
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they're perfect human beings no no no not not you but I'm saying like in general it's always that
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the man's the bad guy they're the victim can I can I just answer a question with all your experiences
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has it made you fear men has it made me fear men yeah do you fear men no okay she's aggressive
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be I don't I don't fear men trust you know I agree with you it made you gave me a different type of
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confidence and it's a thing where I know that if I know that if I'm going to fight a man he will
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he will me up but I'm still gonna give you my all you know say it again girl say it again
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but I know that biologically I can't take on a man if I was to go and fight my boyfriend
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he'll pin me down and box me and knock me out but I and I'm kind of thankful for that because I
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now I don't like I don't see myself being like like a little squirrel and scared to speak no
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I don't see myself doing that so in a way it's good but sometimes I go overboard and then I just
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take it too far and then you know like all these problems I've had in the past okay that is good
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can I just say something I also don't fear men because of my situation because I feel like
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when you're when you've already gone through so much like crazy stuff you look at it now and
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you've gone over it it's you know it's normal it's nothing so like I said I wouldn't girls you
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don't need to fear men obviously they are physically more they're stronger than you but what I always
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say is if someone if a man was coming coming to hit me I wouldn't even hit him back to show him
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like I want to hit you back if he hits me I'll just use my my fluidity to fall a little bit more
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and find ways to squirrel my way out of it you just don't be afraid just as many of you know I
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