JustPearlyThings - November 07, 2023


She Gets ROASTED for Lying on Men About SA


Episode Stats

Length

31 minutes

Words per Minute

209.4368

Word Count

6,701

Sentence Count

31

Misogynist Sentences

32

Hate Speech Sentences

16


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 female leaders tend to outperform those that don't by 30 percent. While this may sound like
00:00:05.680 nothing new but like nothing well this may sound like nothing but good news a study from UCLA
00:00:11.740 surveyed 60,000 professionals and found that women even those who were managers themselves
00:00:17.620 were more likely to to want a male boss than a female one. The participants explained that female
00:00:24.220 bosses are emotional, catty or bitchy. Men preferred male bosses too but by a much smaller margin than
00:00:31.800 female participants did. A much smaller survey by UCLA of law firms, staff, secretaries, paralegals
00:00:39.160 etc nearly all of whom were women resulted in not one saying that she would that she or he would
00:00:46.320 prefer to work for a female law partner. The studies showed that females in the legal profession
00:00:51.340 that reported to a female boss showed more symptoms of distress including trouble sleeping
00:00:57.540 and headaches when compared to working for a man. Gallup completed a survey that gave a holistic
00:01:03.240 view of this phenomenon. The study found that almost 40 percent of women preferred male leadership
00:01:08.800 as compared to 26 percent of men. When asked would you prefer would you prefer to work for a female or
00:01:17.800 male boss the responses that of those that preferred male leadership leadership can be summed up as
00:01:24.260 followed. Male bosses are more receptive towards new ideas and allowed execution with minimal
00:01:30.260 interference. They're a lot nicer and less emotional. They have less drama and are less jealous of their
00:01:36.500 better-looking counterparts. They recognize and applaud commitment and dedication and are more direct to
00:01:42.680 deal with and willing to wade into disagreements amongst subordinates. Also statistics from the
00:01:49.640 Workplace Bullying Institute has shown that 80% of the time women bully other women while at work.
00:01:58.040 If more women prefer male leadership how is there a patriarchy of the modern workplace? Is it time to
00:02:04.760 recognize and recognize the toxic matriarchy? Thoughts? Question for the woman. What has your overall
00:02:12.760 experience been with female leadership compared to male leadership in your industry?
00:02:18.760 Um so starting here and then go around if this if you've never had a like both genders as bosses you
00:02:26.680 can say that too. Um well I've experienced both a male and female management but I'll say I've experienced
00:02:32.360 one female management due to like male. Um female I would say they're more direct. I feel like sometimes
00:02:39.720 male um management or stuff they just tend to have like a more standoffish approach whereas females are
00:02:45.240 more straightforward maybe they're more like engaging. I would say it was okay it was good it was a good
00:02:52.040 experience but there can be a bit of like that woman to woman kind of macho-ness like kind of how men have
00:02:57.560 that alpha kind of situation going on I feel like that can occur at times and obviously being a female
00:03:03.640 you know we're very like intuitive at times we're like is she is she trying to you know trying to play
00:03:08.120 games playing my mental but you know yeah nothing too intense like very mediocre. Okay what about you two?
00:03:17.000 Um I've had both I've had a woman manager once and I prefer having a male manager just because
00:03:25.160 they're less emotional I feel like in terms of leadership I trust men more and I prefer
00:03:33.400 a man to lead and a lot of older women not all but a lot are a bit jealous of younger women especially
00:03:40.840 if they look nice or if they have a lot of talent and sometimes it makes them wish that they were young
00:03:46.280 again so yeah I just prefer I prefer um men like I trust male leadership
00:03:58.040 so I'm really lucky I've only had one female boss and she was actually a very good friend of mine as
00:04:03.560 well and we worked wonderfully together um I'm 40 and she's I think 12 years older than me
00:04:08.760 um I think if you have a good working understanding relationship with the woman that you're working
00:04:15.320 with it can be a really wonderful thing um then I've worked for many many males the majority of whom have
00:04:24.040 been inappropriate I guess at some point like not physically but just more like um
00:04:29.640 um sly comments like flirty flirty and you know um suggestive you know maybe provocative
00:04:37.320 inappropriate did you ever feel like you got like better like you moved up faster because they were
00:04:42.200 flirting with you yeah I did and actually there was one job that I worked at in the retail industry
00:04:49.320 where we had a male manager and then all of the other employees were attractive women all of them
00:04:57.320 and it was very obvious and everybody knew it all the other retail stores around us you know they knew
00:05:04.200 that all of the girls that work there were particularly good looking and that there would always be like
00:05:09.000 a new flow of good looking women um but overall I think when you're a confident woman then you can
00:05:16.840 work with other confident women and when you are a confident woman you can take leadership from a man
00:05:24.280 okay what about you I would say for me personally the difference is between competence and incompetence
00:05:32.360 so if you're a competent leader you're competent and then the differentiating factor between a man and
00:05:37.560 a woman is if you're disappointed by a rubbish woman boss is because they've been unkind to you or been
00:05:44.280 overly critical or been overly judgmental and then if you have a male boss that's incompetent it's
00:05:50.520 because he made a pass at you or he made you feel smaller than you should have felt or he belittled
00:05:56.200 you in front of people when actually he was the one that was wrong so I think the differentiation
00:06:01.240 comes between their levels of incompetence but competence is competence irrespective of
00:06:06.280 if you're male or female okay what do you think I think it's 50 50. I think I've had good and bad like
00:06:14.360 with a male manager that I had he was all about looks and then my previous manager who was a female
00:06:23.160 she was just very laid back so yeah I think it's 50 50. was you asking the girls or just the oh um
00:06:31.720 yeah we'll do girls first go ahead um I agree with like what you were saying about competence
00:06:38.360 so if you have experience if you care about the work that you do um whether you're male or female
00:06:45.000 you will like brush up on your leadership skills um women lead the home so I mean I'm a bit old school
00:06:54.280 so I believe that like technically if push comes to shove a man should leave the lead the home
00:07:01.400 but in terms of the running of the home the organization the family the you know like
00:07:07.800 multitasking everything else how things look um organizing the finances thinking about investments
00:07:15.080 like women lead um and I've had an amazing female leader and I've had a shh
00:07:21.240 am I allowed to swear yeah you can swear I've had like a really shh a female boss
00:07:25.480 who was a bitch like yeah she was horrible um and I was really young and yeah she
00:07:32.440 yeah but I've so I've had both but men I've like and I've had it same I've had really good men
00:07:39.640 bosses um or like colleagues and then but men in leadership I trust women more like competent women
00:07:50.200 like there's um something really special when like strong women come together and work together
00:07:56.280 it's like sisterhood and it's rare like I say I don't it exists it's not it's not a unicorn it's
00:08:04.600 not you ever see sorority houses versus frat houses the frat houses they're like best friends for life
00:08:10.040 no no you're right like you're right men as groups like bond better like they're bros more like they
00:08:15.880 are like they play sports together so they do more things as a group um but when you like
00:08:23.080 get a good mix like I don't know how to explain it I think that's to do with the competency like if you
00:08:27.640 are a healthy person and you find another healthy person there will be healthy things happening um
00:08:34.200 so you know you're getting old but if you're dealing with your trauma with getting old and like
00:08:40.200 the way that that makes you feel and you're faced with a beautiful young woman you are not going to
00:08:44.600 take out those feelings on her I don't know it exists there are nice people out there but it's
00:08:50.360 rare I think it's common though I think older women bully younger women a lot no I hear you I
00:08:55.320 hear you it's like like mother vibe like a mother-daughter relationship well it's almost like it's only I
00:09:00.120 I've noticed it's usually I'm not saying all but it's only if they're still single like if they're
00:09:04.760 married they're like happily married they got a man but it's like when they're competing with you
00:09:09.320 yeah that's that's what I found I hear you I hear you and the that's the dynamic between like older
00:09:14.840 women and younger women but there's also a dynamic between older men and men in general and women
00:09:20.520 and if men see you as a sexual object rather than a work colleague it happens like I've been a teenager
00:09:29.080 like groped at work by my boss like did you report it I didn't report it like I when these things happen
00:09:36.280 grapes okay maybe not grapes but like when like you don't know how to like especially being a
00:09:42.280 teenager like I'm going to college I live alone and you know I'm going through things in my life
00:09:49.000 and I've been through things in my life and it it you internalize it if that makes sense like you feel
00:09:53.400 like you've done something wrong or you're to blame like I'm feisty so like I put it on him and
00:09:57.640 I like showed him it's not that bad but like what do you mean you put it I put it on him like bro
00:10:02.280 like it's not that kind of party like I'm from south London like yeah like your own yeah I was confused
00:10:07.080 and the u.s. put it on him means no like I didn't like straddle him in the cafe but like I just showed
00:10:14.120 him like that's not cool but yeah like when there's such a difference between age and like experience
00:10:20.760 and just in general like even if there's not that difference between age and experience
00:10:24.600 like men think that they can be inappropriate and that's okay you know some men some men some men
00:10:33.080 most men because if you look at you can't say most you because you've got to look at a woman's
00:10:39.080 experience and you've got to look at they do research like if I've spoken to 100 men in my life
00:10:44.520 and 89.9 you think have moved in this type of way 90% of men 89.9 okay you think 89.9 have moved mad
00:10:56.760 no that's not my experience like I just wouldn't I mean when I was when I was young I had a coach
00:11:01.720 hit on me but I wouldn't generalize all men with that 89.9 yeah no not even close I would say like
00:11:08.680 I would say most men are good men like you know what you're saying do you have any brothers
00:11:11.640 I have two brothers one which is AWOL and the other which is Dutty but kind of good so so if
00:11:18.680 you put your brothers in the room with us that's four men and then you put where Kobe said that's
00:11:23.000 five you put uh blessing here that's six um Amiri just left that was seven if you put another three
00:11:27.880 you're gonna say out of those ten men eight of us are inappropriate and removed but you're you're
00:11:31.960 picking like my brothers no I'm picking no I'm picking no and you're assuming that my brothers
00:11:36.920 like a call no I'm just picking I'm just picking 10 men and you said 89.9 so let's say so let's say
00:11:43.960 out of 10 men yeah nine of them yeah are men that commit SA and don't know how to treat women is
00:11:49.480 that what you're saying so I'm not saying that they commit SA I never said they'll commit SA I'm
00:11:54.440 saying inappropriate so okay so the same way that we said that older women may like try and put that on
00:12:01.800 a woman and bring out like their issues that they have about getting older and a young woman being
00:12:06.680 threatening to them that's one dynamic between an older woman and a younger woman an older or a
00:12:13.000 similar age man and a woman from my experience so I'm not saying in life in general this is for
00:12:18.840 everybody but from my experience over 50% closer towards 89.9 okay wait wait wait can you define
00:12:26.360 can you define inappropriate so like passes like like what's passes yeah so you just mean like
00:12:33.560 you look like looking at your blouse like or like do you know what I mean like like I can give a good
00:12:39.080 example why yes please thank you I was at work sorry I could give a good example I forgot my mic was so
00:12:45.240 far away um I was at work um one day and I was like going through my shift my job is one of those jobs
00:12:51.160 where you get there I don't really wear my uniform to work because I don't like to commute in my uniform
00:12:55.720 so I'll change when I get there whatever not so I've gone on the shop floor and I'm just getting
00:12:59.320 on with my job I've got probably 11 hour shift just going through it going through going through it
00:13:03.480 and one of the like new kind of old-ish like you know when someone does a job and they come back
00:13:08.040 we had like someone that had come back to the shop and they was like on the past whatever not doing
00:13:11.640 their job and I'm just like you know on the shop floor getting on with everything I'm seeing them
00:13:15.720 gesture at me like kind of like glaring towards me and I'm thinking who who is it um this is uh like
00:13:20.440 say if it's a runner like I work in hospitality so okay so like say if I'm like head waitress that's
00:13:25.480 my position senior waitress on the shop floor and I'm just doing my day-to-day like you know
00:13:30.280 and um they was doing their job but it's like they was glaring at me at a point so I was thinking um
00:13:35.640 how can I help but I'm kind of like not space saying nothing I'm kind of looking at them like
00:13:39.160 and it's it's two guys no it's one guy at this one guy one guy this is just somebody that's not
00:13:43.720 necessarily on a higher hierarchy in the um establishment but it doesn't make a difference
00:13:47.880 like men male whatever so um yeah he's glaring at me and I'm looking back like how can I help
00:13:53.240 and he's kind of like looked down because obviously being a female you'll be conscious of
00:13:56.680 when I'm when a male's looking at you this is what I thought I'm Stephanie's trying to explain like
00:14:00.600 you know when someone's kind of giving you kind of like not uncomfortableness but
00:14:03.640 I'm not sure what you're trying to say but you're not saying nothing so you're leaving it out in the
00:14:07.400 open so I've had to try and interpretate what he's looking at so I've looked down and my flies are
00:14:12.360 undone when was you going to say something because you've been looking at my front for a very long time
00:14:17.000 maybe maybe you've been looking at my crotch and when I made like the you know the announcement
00:14:21.960 of like oh like was you not going to say anything he was like I liked it like what what does that
00:14:26.120 mean he was hitting on you but that's the point like why why is that something that you know it's
00:14:32.040 weird it's just weird and guys tend to do things like in their mind seems light-hearted but it's
00:14:36.120 very serious yeah I flirted with the guy at work before I don't think it's like I was doing like a six
00:14:41.640 hour shift with my flies undone yeah but the thing is he didn't say anything so the thing is you have
00:14:47.000 to be clear you have to be very very clear in what you're saying so you're explaining for her but you
00:14:52.360 can't explain for her for a situation so you're giving me yours right but what I take from this
00:14:56.920 what I take from this as a man which a man's been inappropriate okay but when you start talking about
00:15:02.680 89 point do you really do you know what you're saying you're saying when you walk down the street
00:15:07.480 90 percent of men are going to do a madness or going to treat you inappropriately so then you
00:15:12.200 can't then retract that to 50 that could be more likely 50 you know a guy could maybe be like this
00:15:17.560 or not be like that as a man when we listen to women talk like this we have to listen to what
00:15:22.200 you're saying and unless a man has actually done something that you can concrete say he did this
00:15:26.600 i reported this what we hear is just what we always hear from women depending on what you feel
00:15:31.800 is how you feel the scenario was but if you didn't report it if it wasn't recorded
00:15:36.840 all we have to go on is just what you believe it is and you can't even been clearing what you
00:15:41.400 believe it is what happened sorry but i disagree with that because you're saying that unless someone
00:15:48.280 reports it you only have their like version of events to go on yeah but there are people yeah yeah
00:15:55.560 sorry guys but there are people who do report things and it's still their version of events but you
00:16:00.600 didn't report it though have you so because if you don't if you don't wait wait if you don't
00:16:05.560 report it it's he said she said it's yeah but even when you report it but you said she said when
00:16:10.120 people report grape issues or sa issues it's still he say she say because if you're in a relationship
00:16:17.640 with someone if it's your uncle yeah whoever it is it's a personal thing you understand when you like
00:16:24.760 people aren't here right now there's a whole heap of people in this room yeah but when your man
00:16:29.320 does certain things your man you know and you haven't agreed to it it's still he say she say
00:16:36.760 did you report it no no no i'm saying to you but did you report i am saying to you that whether it's
00:16:41.800 reported but did you report it to hear what i have to say i'm saying to you that whether it's reported
00:16:47.000 or whether it's not reported it's still he say she said and the reason why people don't report it
00:16:51.880 is because it's still a he say she say there's no evidence there's no camera in my room right there's
00:16:57.160 no camera in my room to prove that what i'm saying so why didn't you report it who but what are you
00:17:02.840 talking about i'm talking about hypothetical okay okay so do you understand the concept yes i do i do
00:17:07.640 i do i do i do i do okay wait wait but even even when it's a he said she said people have patterns of
00:17:12.920 behavior 100 like honestly i think it's selfish not to report it i genuinely think it's selfish like you
00:17:17.720 want them to do that to someone else but if it genuinely happened like why would you not report
00:17:22.200 it because even if even if like let's say justice isn't served for you if 10 girls come forward with
00:17:27.720 the same story eventually they can build a case against the guy it's happened i've seen it happen
00:17:32.280 so it's genuinely selfish if you don't so when you say he say she she every time you go to the police
00:17:37.160 and you make an accusation against someone you report it's always he says she she nothing is ever
00:17:41.240 concrete the reason why you go to the police is so that a case can be pulled against the person
00:17:45.160 so if i have five girls that say to me my boss was inappropriate to me and i said to you okay cool
00:17:50.040 or my sister says to me my boss was inappropriate to i say the first thing you do is go and report it
00:17:54.360 if five women do not report it then they say to me oh it's because of he say she she whose fault is
00:17:59.080 that but we're not even blaming people i'm not i'm not blaming because she said to me because you are
00:18:03.880 no no no no guys guys guys guys guys guys listen for a second yeah she said to me oh apparently i don't
00:18:11.000 understand that he's but i'm saying i do understand if someone does something to you this is
00:18:14.840 look let me look to the camera ladies women if somebody does something to you in your workplace
00:18:19.720 in your home any man is inappropriate you need to go and report it straight away you need to and this
00:18:24.920 is what i'm gonna advocate for because if you come on a platform and you say oh my man this this did this
00:18:29.320 to me my body my boss did it to me and you tell me and i said to you so what did you do about you said
00:18:33.800 nothing i'm sorry i just can't i just can't i just can't take every woman that says that the truth i'm
00:18:37.800 sorry i can't do that but can we just very quickly i think we really really should add
00:18:43.080 that some women are so traumatized thank you by what they have experienced thank you they find
00:18:50.600 it difficult to come forward have you experienced essay pearly things or you which is which i mean the
00:18:57.400 definition the definition for essay is so broad now what is the definition the definite i don't even know
00:19:03.080 they change it every year like legally but but arguably i could yeah i could argue that i have
00:19:08.520 and did you report every experience of essay yes every single experience it doesn't happen to me that
00:19:13.800 many times you were so brave then for having the courage to do it but some women's it's what if
00:19:20.920 the person is supposed to report no and i'm saying i'm going to argue and and it's arguably because
00:19:25.880 it's like nowadays you can report someone grabbing your butt at a bar but but if that's not warranted or
00:19:31.880 that's not invited but some people don't think that's like a higher enough you know it doesn't
00:19:35.800 matter no that's what i say it's so broad but i'm saying like like if you're to me okay it doesn't
00:19:44.440 make sense to me if you can come on a podcast and talk about something but you can't talk about it to
00:19:48.920 the police exactly so so i understand that some people like okay they might they might not want to
00:19:54.680 talk about it publicly or they might like if they're afraid then they wouldn't go to my podcast and they
00:19:58.680 wouldn't go to the police either but so again i still but i but i still think it's selfish i think
00:20:04.680 i think if you if you you're telling me i'm selfish for being a 17 year old girl who lives in a hostel
00:20:10.600 you don't know what i've experienced previous to that for not reporting my boss who's probably about
00:20:15.480 40 years old and excuse me let me land don't interrupt me i'm just saying yes i'm not asking you i was
00:20:21.320 asking pearly things right yes i'm asking you if you think i'm selfish i'm a child at this point yeah
00:20:27.240 i've been sexually harassed yeah all of them things that you know you can say um by yeah like
00:20:35.240 by odd you can't you can't tell me nothing however whatever your opinion is that's your business yeah
00:20:39.960 because i know my situation yeah and what i have walked through in the in that situation right now
00:20:45.160 i'm 33 years old yeah so it's different now of course i can sit down i work with i do i work in the
00:20:49.720 community but at that age yeah that young age i am a child i can't even open a bank account
00:20:56.680 on my own yeah and you're telling me i am selfish i am selfish i am something you can have a bank
00:21:02.280 account whatever you can't do you can do a lot of people don't have that education at 17 you don't
00:21:08.920 know you can open a bank you're trying to you're trying to you're trying to make jokes and you're
00:21:13.080 trying to interject and you're trying to diverge from something that is very very important and a lot
00:21:17.960 of young women have experienced it okay okay okay have you gone through essay okay wait no no no okay
00:21:23.640 you you asked me the question first and then you go on this rant i did go on a rant okay um okay do
00:21:31.960 i think that's selfish yes yeah i think because then other girls have to deal with it like i just think
00:21:37.480 if if something happened to me that was so traumatizing like i wouldn't want other girls
00:21:41.560 to go through that you're like basically i can't i can't judge other people you can say what you want
00:21:47.480 and feel what you want yeah and have your opinion and that doesn't mean that much to me because you don't
00:21:53.000 know what people go through what your capacity is at 17 i don't know if you went through your
00:21:58.680 experiences at that age and if you was living in a hostel at that age and if you had gone through what
00:22:02.840 i had gone through at that age yeah we're different people do you understand what i'm saying to you
00:22:06.840 yeah i know i know we're different people we're different people so that's what i'm saying you might
00:22:10.360 have the capacity you might have the support you might be living at home you might have your
00:22:13.560 mom to rub your back at the police station i wasn't in that situation so there are many people
00:22:19.320 that are experiencing things and i haven't got no judgment for you do what you can do because why
00:22:23.720 is it up to the victims to find and look down you know as a child to to to build up a case against
00:22:31.400 these people when you have the capacity yes i encourage i support but find an organization if
00:22:38.040 you don't think you can do it on your own if you are unsure get the support that you need the main thing
00:22:43.080 is that you have got support to get through the trauma of very yes you get your bum grabbed at a
00:22:48.120 nightclub but there's varying different traumas there's an organization it's called the police
00:22:52.600 so listen to this i've just listened to you just no no sorry can i can i talk because i've just
00:22:56.200 listened to you we've listened scars on me okay okay why am i going to go to them when i'm being
00:23:00.600 so what you're doing now is we've let you speak we've let you tell your story let you tell your passion
00:23:05.560 but i'm sorry but the world doesn't owe any one of us understanding lots of people are going through
00:23:09.880 lots of things end of the day it's very selfish for you to be assaulted by a man or whatever you said
00:23:14.520 and he's 40 years harassed or whatever it is but it's it's made you feel this strongly about
00:23:19.000 it it's gone into your life and it's obviously followed you you have let let this man go into
00:23:23.080 the world and possibly do it to many other women before this is like knowing a man is actually like
00:23:27.480 um for example if someone touched kids and you knew they did that and you never was a kid no you
00:23:34.040 wasn't you're 17 let's not do this please listen listen listen listen listen technically okay so if you're
00:23:39.560 gonna keep doing this then we're not gonna able to get off because basically you said to me i couldn't
00:23:43.560 open a 17 you can open a bank account you can open a bank account at like 11 years old what tends to
00:23:47.800 happen is a lot of people come over here and they're trying to act like oh when i wasn't i wasn't an
00:23:52.040 adult at 17 you knew right from wrong end of the day if you had any family any people around you if you
00:23:56.920 didn't call you to scenario i understand that but you have the police there you cannot come into a
00:24:00.920 platform and be this fluid and be this articulate and challenge pearl and say to myself oh you know what i
00:24:05.640 couldn't go to the police there's nobody around the police is there then you say to me
00:24:08.920 okay i got attacked by the police okay so you don't have whatever it is okay cool why am i
00:24:13.720 going to go to the police okay okay so now 15 have assaulted me okay cool so now we can't go to the
00:24:19.560 police right so you don't know who do we go to well i'm just discovering who do we report it to you
00:24:23.640 i'm just discovering my manager who do we report i'm asking you you're telling me you can't go to
00:24:27.000 the police most people can go to the police but you're saying to me so i don't have to take this on
00:24:29.880 board do you have um would you like to see the scars see what you're doing is yeah because he said he
00:24:34.680 don't believe you're not letting me finish and the reason you're not letting me finish is because
00:24:46.680 the moment i do you don't have nothing to push back on you just really talk big man talk talk
00:24:51.320 let me hear what you're saying okay can i present something a second one second guys guys guys let
00:24:57.400 let him finish because the thing is yeah we're not going to be able to have a conversation if you keep
00:25:00.760 doing this because you keep getting triggered why are you getting so triggered like it's like that
00:25:04.280 no if this is trauma let's not talk about it because you're getting very triggered by it and
00:25:07.240 you don't have to speak about it if this is causing you trauma because we can't even have a conversation
00:25:11.320 in order for me to have a conversation we're going to ask you some questions we're going to have to
00:25:14.440 diverge and every time i do you get triggered you interrupt me so i i don't want to do it if we
00:25:18.680 can't do it pal there's no point say what you have to say you said you're going to land is that
00:25:21.960 is that what you have to say is that what you have to say no alex take it take it okay that's what i
00:25:25.800 thought all right let me let me present something to you steph yeah yes for the rest of us to just
00:25:31.240 listen to so steph let's say you could um you were looking right now at 17 year old girl who has
00:25:41.320 just experienced your fly on the wall you see a 17 year old girl who's just experienced what you went
00:25:47.080 through um with the police with that with those situations what right now sitting here now what
00:25:55.880 do you think are the steps that that 17 year old girl should take i'd like to hear from the rest of
00:26:01.480 the panel i've heard i've heard from two men my advice and my concern is for her mental health
00:26:20.360 and that she is supported so i my priority over speaking to the police which i think is the best
00:26:26.360 course of action if she feels able to do so is to make sure that somebody she trusts whether it's a
00:26:32.680 member of her family whether it's a friend whoever is aware of her situation because if she's feeling
00:26:38.920 low if you know i mean what that's my concern you know you don't my general concern you don't think
00:26:43.480 the number one concern would be to stop it from happening again because because it happened to her
00:26:48.760 so now it could happen to 10 girls or it could happen to one girl i think it's a point of view situation
00:26:54.120 that we're going to say like it's someone coming from trauma and someone coming from stoicism so
00:26:59.640 it's two completely different point of views that don't interject so i get what you're saying in the
00:27:04.920 sense that say it with your chest right those things happen to you they were awful i'm very sorry but
00:27:11.560 your statistic is you're coming at her with maths your math is off right and she's saying these
00:27:15.880 things happen to me so obviously there's going to be a a complete non so can i just stop you for
00:27:21.320 i'll let you go on you know what it is i've come on this platform before i have three sisters i have
00:27:25.000 four nieces like i am very much i've just been spending a whole day with my niece you can look
00:27:29.400 at my story playing with them yeah i have a very good relationship my younger sister and we speak
00:27:33.480 about a lot of things so if you said you never if you don't have people around you and you can't go to
00:27:38.760 the police then i'm more concerned that there's men around here and doing things to women because i keep
00:27:43.080 hearing this and this is not how i was raised so i'm like what can we do to stop this and whenever i
00:27:48.920 but whenever i try to speak about what can we do to stop this or what can we do to at least bring
00:27:52.680 more awareness to us it just goes round and round and round a suggestion of what people can do to
00:27:56.920 stop this is perhaps okay right something's awful has happened to you you don't feel like you can say
00:28:02.520 it right you don't feel like you have that safe space to say it so you hold on to it it becomes an
00:28:08.280 internal trauma and then when someone mentioned it to you you fly off the handle that's how most people
00:28:13.240 handle these situations but what you're saying is what can i do so when someone flies off the
00:28:18.040 handle yeah don't come at them with maths come at them from i understand that you're this reaction
00:28:26.920 comes from a place of fear and anger you're asking him to communicate like a woman he's a man
00:28:32.040 no no no in fact i'm asking him to just communicate with me
00:28:35.880 no you're asking him to communicate well then you're putting different variances
00:28:40.280 let me let me sorry sorry one second again we come to this dichotomy of words yeah one one
00:28:45.240 second this i think this is interesting so it goes back to macho-ness and like you know dominance of
00:28:50.440 men over power and women toxic masculinity you know in a very subtle manner or you can't divert your
00:28:57.960 vocabulary alex alex you're gonna jump in after me but hold on a second what you're doing is what
00:29:01.880 see okay so you're doing tone police and we get this every single week no because you've literally
00:29:06.760 just done what the girl did the last week and the girl did the last week if you go look at my story
00:29:10.280 on tiktok it's going viral every single time a man speaks i have a woman every time a man makes a
00:29:15.640 point okay it's every time a man makes a point now it's your tone so i wasn't i wasn't even trying to
00:29:20.200 no no but what i'm trying to let me come in let me come in let me come in let me just say and you
00:29:22.920 could just literally come after me pa we'll let you go but the reason i want to speak about this
00:29:26.120 because men we speak direct we are not women okay so we have a different vocal tone we have a
00:29:31.400 different base in it right when a man articulates himself or men are direct what women tend to do
00:29:35.800 we go around the houses we've just spent a lot of time going around to get to the bottom or
00:29:38.920 something i completely understand what you're saying but when you speak about men's tone
00:29:43.320 we are not women and you don't want us to be women that's the point that i was making i thought
00:29:47.080 you over you didn't understand what i was trying to say pearl was saying that she was basically
00:29:51.720 trying to make you speak as if you was a female yeah you can't do okay that's part of it yeah
00:29:56.280 is the reason of this whole topic which is men harassment within the workplace and what we were
00:30:01.160 saying about how men can come across towards women when we are in a situation do you think
00:30:05.000 just take this for me you can't that what's the word like you can't what's you can't like be a woman
00:30:10.840 adapt that's what i'm looking for do you feel i'm not being sensitive to her no it's adapting like
00:30:14.840 adaptation you can't adapt you're not even choosing to be on a level to be like you know let me try and
00:30:19.560 work out no one's i need to be a female because physically you can't be yeah we understand that but
00:30:23.000 there's a part of your brain that can click so i'm trying to understand so how to you know come
00:30:27.480 across but basically what you want me to what you want me to do no what you want me what you want me
00:30:32.680 to do what you want me to do is no no i'm trying to say you should talk in a tone no no because
00:30:37.080 basically what you want me to do is you want me to basically tiptoe around this whole no because
00:30:41.640 basically i've all i've done is simply ask her a question i've listened to what you said i've asked
00:30:45.640 you why didn't you report it you told me you couldn't go to the police you told me you got scars
00:30:48.680 you've told me all the different things yeah cool but if there's my concern is is that when
00:30:53.640 this happens women don't and there's men that's walking around and it's continuing to happen to
00:30:57.160 so when i say what can we do yeah because the girl in your situation now and she hasn't got brothers
00:31:02.120 she hasn't got family she's in a hostel as well yeah what does she do she can't go to the police
00:31:12.040 someone just gave you an example is as a man what you could do for a woman or a young girl in that
00:31:16.680 situation someone else is giving you an example of what you can do i was asked what i'd advise
00:31:21.240 other young people in this situation to do so if you are asking a question feel free to listen to
00:31:27.640 some options you don't have to take them on as i think these are valid examples
00:31:35.880 as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this
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