JustPearlyThings - She Gets ROASTED for Lying on Men About SA

00:00:00.000 female leaders tend to outperform those that don't by 30 percent. While this may sound like 0.90

00:00:05.680 nothing new but like nothing well this may sound like nothing but good news a study from UCLA

00:00:11.740 surveyed 60,000 professionals and found that women even those who were managers themselves 0.87

00:00:17.620 were more likely to to want a male boss than a female one. The participants explained that female 1.00

00:00:24.220 bosses are emotional, catty or bitchy. Men preferred male bosses too but by a much smaller margin than

00:00:31.800 female participants did. A much smaller survey by UCLA of law firms, staff, secretaries, paralegals 0.92

00:00:39.160 etc nearly all of whom were women resulted in not one saying that she would that she or he would

00:00:46.320 prefer to work for a female law partner. The studies showed that females in the legal profession 0.99

00:00:51.340 that reported to a female boss showed more symptoms of distress including trouble sleeping

00:00:57.540 and headaches when compared to working for a man. Gallup completed a survey that gave a holistic

00:01:03.240 view of this phenomenon. The study found that almost 40 percent of women preferred male leadership 0.82

00:01:08.800 as compared to 26 percent of men. When asked would you prefer would you prefer to work for a female or

00:01:17.800 male boss the responses that of those that preferred male leadership leadership can be summed up as

00:01:24.260 followed. Male bosses are more receptive towards new ideas and allowed execution with minimal

00:01:30.260 interference. They're a lot nicer and less emotional. They have less drama and are less jealous of their

00:01:36.500 better-looking counterparts. They recognize and applaud commitment and dedication and are more direct to

00:01:42.680 deal with and willing to wade into disagreements amongst subordinates. Also statistics from the

00:01:49.640 Workplace Bullying Institute has shown that 80% of the time women bully other women while at work. 0.96

00:01:58.040 If more women prefer male leadership how is there a patriarchy of the modern workplace? Is it time to 1.00

00:02:04.760 recognize and recognize the toxic matriarchy? Thoughts? Question for the woman. What has your overall 1.00

00:02:12.760 experience been with female leadership compared to male leadership in your industry?

00:02:18.760 Um so starting here and then go around if this if you've never had a like both genders as bosses you 0.87

00:02:26.680 can say that too. Um well I've experienced both a male and female management but I'll say I've experienced

00:02:32.360 one female management due to like male. Um female I would say they're more direct. I feel like sometimes 0.77

00:02:39.720 male um management or stuff they just tend to have like a more standoffish approach whereas females are 1.00

00:02:45.240 more straightforward maybe they're more like engaging. I would say it was okay it was good it was a good

00:02:52.040 experience but there can be a bit of like that woman to woman kind of macho-ness like kind of how men have

00:02:57.560 that alpha kind of situation going on I feel like that can occur at times and obviously being a female

00:03:03.640 you know we're very like intuitive at times we're like is she is she trying to you know trying to play

00:03:08.120 games playing my mental but you know yeah nothing too intense like very mediocre. Okay what about you two?

00:03:17.000 Um I've had both I've had a woman manager once and I prefer having a male manager just because 0.94

00:03:25.160 they're less emotional I feel like in terms of leadership I trust men more and I prefer

00:03:33.400 a man to lead and a lot of older women not all but a lot are a bit jealous of younger women especially 0.96

00:03:40.840 if they look nice or if they have a lot of talent and sometimes it makes them wish that they were young

00:03:46.280 again so yeah I just prefer I prefer um men like I trust male leadership

00:03:58.040 so I'm really lucky I've only had one female boss and she was actually a very good friend of mine as

00:04:03.560 well and we worked wonderfully together um I'm 40 and she's I think 12 years older than me

00:04:08.760 um I think if you have a good working understanding relationship with the woman that you're working

00:04:15.320 with it can be a really wonderful thing um then I've worked for many many males the majority of whom have

00:04:24.040 been inappropriate I guess at some point like not physically but just more like um

00:04:29.640 um sly comments like flirty flirty and you know um suggestive you know maybe provocative

00:04:37.320 inappropriate did you ever feel like you got like better like you moved up faster because they were

00:04:42.200 flirting with you yeah I did and actually there was one job that I worked at in the retail industry

00:04:49.320 where we had a male manager and then all of the other employees were attractive women all of them 1.00

00:04:57.320 and it was very obvious and everybody knew it all the other retail stores around us you know they knew

00:05:04.200 that all of the girls that work there were particularly good looking and that there would always be like 1.00

00:05:09.000 a new flow of good looking women um but overall I think when you're a confident woman then you can 1.00

00:05:16.840 work with other confident women and when you are a confident woman you can take leadership from a man

00:05:24.280 okay what about you I would say for me personally the difference is between competence and incompetence

00:05:32.360 so if you're a competent leader you're competent and then the differentiating factor between a man and

00:05:37.560 a woman is if you're disappointed by a rubbish woman boss is because they've been unkind to you or been 1.00

00:05:44.280 overly critical or been overly judgmental and then if you have a male boss that's incompetent it's 0.98

00:05:50.520 because he made a pass at you or he made you feel smaller than you should have felt or he belittled

00:05:56.200 you in front of people when actually he was the one that was wrong so I think the differentiation

00:06:01.240 comes between their levels of incompetence but competence is competence irrespective of

00:06:06.280 if you're male or female okay what do you think I think it's 50 50. I think I've had good and bad like

00:06:14.360 with a male manager that I had he was all about looks and then my previous manager who was a female 0.98

00:06:23.160 she was just very laid back so yeah I think it's 50 50. was you asking the girls or just the oh um

00:06:31.720 yeah we'll do girls first go ahead um I agree with like what you were saying about competence 0.99

00:06:38.360 so if you have experience if you care about the work that you do um whether you're male or female

00:06:45.000 you will like brush up on your leadership skills um women lead the home so I mean I'm a bit old school 1.00

00:06:54.280 so I believe that like technically if push comes to shove a man should leave the lead the home

00:07:01.400 but in terms of the running of the home the organization the family the you know like

00:07:07.800 multitasking everything else how things look um organizing the finances thinking about investments

00:07:15.080 like women lead um and I've had an amazing female leader and I've had a shh 1.00

00:07:21.240 am I allowed to swear yeah you can swear I've had like a really shh a female boss 1.00

00:07:25.480 who was a bitch like yeah she was horrible um and I was really young and yeah she 1.00

00:07:32.440 yeah but I've so I've had both but men I've like and I've had it same I've had really good men 0.99

00:07:39.640 bosses um or like colleagues and then but men in leadership I trust women more like competent women

00:07:50.200 like there's um something really special when like strong women come together and work together 0.51

00:07:56.280 it's like sisterhood and it's rare like I say I don't it exists it's not it's not a unicorn it's

00:08:04.600 not you ever see sorority houses versus frat houses the frat houses they're like best friends for life

00:08:10.040 no no you're right like you're right men as groups like bond better like they're bros more like they

00:08:15.880 are like they play sports together so they do more things as a group um but when you like

00:08:23.080 get a good mix like I don't know how to explain it I think that's to do with the competency like if you

00:08:27.640 are a healthy person and you find another healthy person there will be healthy things happening um

00:08:34.200 so you know you're getting old but if you're dealing with your trauma with getting old and like

00:08:40.200 the way that that makes you feel and you're faced with a beautiful young woman you are not going to

00:08:44.600 take out those feelings on her I don't know it exists there are nice people out there but it's

00:08:50.360 rare I think it's common though I think older women bully younger women a lot no I hear you I 1.00

00:08:55.320 hear you it's like like mother vibe like a mother-daughter relationship well it's almost like it's only I

00:09:00.120 I've noticed it's usually I'm not saying all but it's only if they're still single like if they're 0.85

00:09:04.760 married they're like happily married they got a man but it's like when they're competing with you

00:09:09.320 yeah that's that's what I found I hear you I hear you and the that's the dynamic between like older

00:09:14.840 women and younger women but there's also a dynamic between older men and men in general and women

00:09:20.520 and if men see you as a sexual object rather than a work colleague it happens like I've been a teenager

00:09:29.080 like groped at work by my boss like did you report it I didn't report it like I when these things happen

00:09:36.280 grapes okay maybe not grapes but like when like you don't know how to like especially being a

00:09:42.280 teenager like I'm going to college I live alone and you know I'm going through things in my life

00:09:49.000 and I've been through things in my life and it it you internalize it if that makes sense like you feel

00:09:53.400 like you've done something wrong or you're to blame like I'm feisty so like I put it on him and

00:09:57.640 I like showed him it's not that bad but like what do you mean you put it I put it on him like bro

00:10:02.280 like it's not that kind of party like I'm from south London like yeah like your own yeah I was confused

00:10:07.080 and the u.s. put it on him means no like I didn't like straddle him in the cafe but like I just showed

00:10:14.120 him like that's not cool but yeah like when there's such a difference between age and like experience

00:10:20.760 and just in general like even if there's not that difference between age and experience

00:10:24.600 like men think that they can be inappropriate and that's okay you know some men some men some men

00:10:33.080 most men because if you look at you can't say most you because you've got to look at a woman's 0.98

00:10:39.080 experience and you've got to look at they do research like if I've spoken to 100 men in my life

00:10:44.520 and 89.9 you think have moved in this type of way 90% of men 89.9 okay you think 89.9 have moved mad

00:10:56.760 no that's not my experience like I just wouldn't I mean when I was when I was young I had a coach

00:11:01.720 hit on me but I wouldn't generalize all men with that 89.9 yeah no not even close I would say like

00:11:08.680 I would say most men are good men like you know what you're saying do you have any brothers

00:11:11.640 I have two brothers one which is AWOL and the other which is Dutty but kind of good so so if

00:11:18.680 you put your brothers in the room with us that's four men and then you put where Kobe said that's

00:11:23.000 five you put uh blessing here that's six um Amiri just left that was seven if you put another three

00:11:27.880 you're gonna say out of those ten men eight of us are inappropriate and removed but you're you're

00:11:31.960 picking like my brothers no I'm picking no I'm picking no and you're assuming that my brothers

00:11:36.920 like a call no I'm just picking I'm just picking 10 men and you said 89.9 so let's say so let's say

00:11:43.960 out of 10 men yeah nine of them yeah are men that commit SA and don't know how to treat women is

00:11:49.480 that what you're saying so I'm not saying that they commit SA I never said they'll commit SA I'm

00:11:54.440 saying inappropriate so okay so the same way that we said that older women may like try and put that on

00:12:01.800 a woman and bring out like their issues that they have about getting older and a young woman being 0.98

00:12:06.680 threatening to them that's one dynamic between an older woman and a younger woman an older or a 1.00

00:12:13.000 similar age man and a woman from my experience so I'm not saying in life in general this is for

00:12:18.840 everybody but from my experience over 50% closer towards 89.9 okay wait wait wait can you define

00:12:26.360 can you define inappropriate so like passes like like what's passes yeah so you just mean like

00:12:33.560 you look like looking at your blouse like or like do you know what I mean like like I can give a good

00:12:39.080 example why yes please thank you I was at work sorry I could give a good example I forgot my mic was so

00:12:45.240 far away um I was at work um one day and I was like going through my shift my job is one of those jobs

00:12:51.160 where you get there I don't really wear my uniform to work because I don't like to commute in my uniform

00:12:55.720 so I'll change when I get there whatever not so I've gone on the shop floor and I'm just getting

00:12:59.320 on with my job I've got probably 11 hour shift just going through it going through going through it

00:13:03.480 and one of the like new kind of old-ish like you know when someone does a job and they come back

00:13:08.040 we had like someone that had come back to the shop and they was like on the past whatever not doing

00:13:11.640 their job and I'm just like you know on the shop floor getting on with everything I'm seeing them

00:13:15.720 gesture at me like kind of like glaring towards me and I'm thinking who who is it um this is uh like

00:13:20.440 say if it's a runner like I work in hospitality so okay so like say if I'm like head waitress that's

00:13:25.480 my position senior waitress on the shop floor and I'm just doing my day-to-day like you know

00:13:30.280 and um they was doing their job but it's like they was glaring at me at a point so I was thinking um

00:13:35.640 how can I help but I'm kind of like not space saying nothing I'm kind of looking at them like

00:13:39.160 and it's it's two guys no it's one guy at this one guy one guy this is just somebody that's not

00:13:43.720 necessarily on a higher hierarchy in the um establishment but it doesn't make a difference

00:13:47.880 like men male whatever so um yeah he's glaring at me and I'm looking back like how can I help

00:13:53.240 and he's kind of like looked down because obviously being a female you'll be conscious of

00:13:56.680 when I'm when a male's looking at you this is what I thought I'm Stephanie's trying to explain like

00:14:00.600 you know when someone's kind of giving you kind of like not uncomfortableness but

00:14:03.640 I'm not sure what you're trying to say but you're not saying nothing so you're leaving it out in the

00:14:07.400 open so I've had to try and interpretate what he's looking at so I've looked down and my flies are

00:14:12.360 undone when was you going to say something because you've been looking at my front for a very long time

00:14:17.000 maybe maybe you've been looking at my crotch and when I made like the you know the announcement

00:14:21.960 of like oh like was you not going to say anything he was like I liked it like what what does that

00:14:26.120 mean he was hitting on you but that's the point like why why is that something that you know it's

00:14:32.040 weird it's just weird and guys tend to do things like in their mind seems light-hearted but it's

00:14:36.120 very serious yeah I flirted with the guy at work before I don't think it's like I was doing like a six

00:14:41.640 hour shift with my flies undone yeah but the thing is he didn't say anything so the thing is you have

00:14:47.000 to be clear you have to be very very clear in what you're saying so you're explaining for her but you

00:14:52.360 can't explain for her for a situation so you're giving me yours right but what I take from this

00:14:56.920 what I take from this as a man which a man's been inappropriate okay but when you start talking about

00:15:02.680 89 point do you really do you know what you're saying you're saying when you walk down the street

00:15:07.480 90 percent of men are going to do a madness or going to treat you inappropriately so then you

00:15:12.200 can't then retract that to 50 that could be more likely 50 you know a guy could maybe be like this

00:15:17.560 or not be like that as a man when we listen to women talk like this we have to listen to what 1.00

00:15:22.200 you're saying and unless a man has actually done something that you can concrete say he did this

00:15:26.600 i reported this what we hear is just what we always hear from women depending on what you feel 0.96

00:15:31.800 is how you feel the scenario was but if you didn't report it if it wasn't recorded

00:15:36.840 all we have to go on is just what you believe it is and you can't even been clearing what you

00:15:41.400 believe it is what happened sorry but i disagree with that because you're saying that unless someone

00:15:48.280 reports it you only have their like version of events to go on yeah but there are people yeah yeah

00:15:55.560 sorry guys but there are people who do report things and it's still their version of events but you

00:16:00.600 didn't report it though have you so because if you don't if you don't wait wait if you don't

00:16:05.560 report it it's he said she said it's yeah but even when you report it but you said she said when

00:16:10.120 people report grape issues or sa issues it's still he say she say because if you're in a relationship

00:16:17.640 with someone if it's your uncle yeah whoever it is it's a personal thing you understand when you like

00:16:24.760 people aren't here right now there's a whole heap of people in this room yeah but when your man

00:16:29.320 does certain things your man you know and you haven't agreed to it it's still he say she say

00:16:36.760 did you report it no no no i'm saying to you but did you report i am saying to you that whether it's

00:16:41.800 reported but did you report it to hear what i have to say i'm saying to you that whether it's reported

00:16:47.000 or whether it's not reported it's still he say she said and the reason why people don't report it

00:16:51.880 is because it's still a he say she say there's no evidence there's no camera in my room right there's

00:16:57.160 no camera in my room to prove that what i'm saying so why didn't you report it who but what are you

00:17:02.840 talking about i'm talking about hypothetical okay okay so do you understand the concept yes i do i do

00:17:07.640 i do i do i do i do okay wait wait but even even when it's a he said she said people have patterns of

00:17:12.920 behavior 100 like honestly i think it's selfish not to report it i genuinely think it's selfish like you

00:17:17.720 want them to do that to someone else but if it genuinely happened like why would you not report

00:17:22.200 it because even if even if like let's say justice isn't served for you if 10 girls come forward with 1.00

00:17:27.720 the same story eventually they can build a case against the guy it's happened i've seen it happen

00:17:32.280 so it's genuinely selfish if you don't so when you say he say she she every time you go to the police

00:17:37.160 and you make an accusation against someone you report it's always he says she she nothing is ever

00:17:41.240 concrete the reason why you go to the police is so that a case can be pulled against the person

00:17:45.160 so if i have five girls that say to me my boss was inappropriate to me and i said to you okay cool

00:17:50.040 or my sister says to me my boss was inappropriate to i say the first thing you do is go and report it

00:17:54.360 if five women do not report it then they say to me oh it's because of he say she she whose fault is

00:17:59.080 that but we're not even blaming people i'm not i'm not blaming because she said to me because you are

00:18:03.880 no no no no guys guys guys guys guys guys listen for a second yeah she said to me oh apparently i don't

00:18:11.000 understand that he's but i'm saying i do understand if someone does something to you this is

00:18:14.840 look let me look to the camera ladies women if somebody does something to you in your workplace 1.00

00:18:19.720 in your home any man is inappropriate you need to go and report it straight away you need to and this

00:18:24.920 is what i'm gonna advocate for because if you come on a platform and you say oh my man this this did this

00:18:29.320 to me my body my boss did it to me and you tell me and i said to you so what did you do about you said

00:18:33.800 nothing i'm sorry i just can't i just can't i just can't take every woman that says that the truth i'm

00:18:37.800 sorry i can't do that but can we just very quickly i think we really really should add

00:18:43.080 that some women are so traumatized thank you by what they have experienced thank you they find

00:18:50.600 it difficult to come forward have you experienced essay pearly things or you which is which i mean the

00:18:57.400 definition the definition for essay is so broad now what is the definition the definite i don't even know

00:19:03.080 they change it every year like legally but but arguably i could yeah i could argue that i have

00:19:08.520 and did you report every experience of essay yes every single experience it doesn't happen to me that

00:19:13.800 many times you were so brave then for having the courage to do it but some women's it's what if

00:19:20.920 the person is supposed to report no and i'm saying i'm going to argue and and it's arguably because

00:19:25.880 it's like nowadays you can report someone grabbing your butt at a bar but but if that's not warranted or

00:19:31.880 that's not invited but some people don't think that's like a higher enough you know it doesn't

00:19:35.800 matter no that's what i say it's so broad but i'm saying like like if you're to me okay it doesn't

00:19:44.440 make sense to me if you can come on a podcast and talk about something but you can't talk about it to

00:19:48.920 the police exactly so so i understand that some people like okay they might they might not want to

00:19:54.680 talk about it publicly or they might like if they're afraid then they wouldn't go to my podcast and they

00:19:58.680 wouldn't go to the police either but so again i still but i but i still think it's selfish i think

00:20:04.680 i think if you if you you're telling me i'm selfish for being a 17 year old girl who lives in a hostel

00:20:10.600 you don't know what i've experienced previous to that for not reporting my boss who's probably about

00:20:15.480 40 years old and excuse me let me land don't interrupt me i'm just saying yes i'm not asking you i was

00:20:21.320 asking pearly things right yes i'm asking you if you think i'm selfish i'm a child at this point yeah

00:20:27.240 i've been sexually harassed yeah all of them things that you know you can say um by yeah like

00:20:35.240 by odd you can't you can't tell me nothing however whatever your opinion is that's your business yeah

00:20:39.960 because i know my situation yeah and what i have walked through in the in that situation right now

00:20:45.160 i'm 33 years old yeah so it's different now of course i can sit down i work with i do i work in the

00:20:49.720 community but at that age yeah that young age i am a child i can't even open a bank account

00:20:56.680 on my own yeah and you're telling me i am selfish i am selfish i am something you can have a bank

00:21:02.280 account whatever you can't do you can do a lot of people don't have that education at 17 you don't

00:21:08.920 know you can open a bank you're trying to you're trying to you're trying to make jokes and you're

00:21:13.080 trying to interject and you're trying to diverge from something that is very very important and a lot

00:21:17.960 of young women have experienced it okay okay okay have you gone through essay okay wait no no no okay

00:21:23.640 you you asked me the question first and then you go on this rant i did go on a rant okay um okay do

00:21:31.960 i think that's selfish yes yeah i think because then other girls have to deal with it like i just think 1.00

00:21:37.480 if if something happened to me that was so traumatizing like i wouldn't want other girls 0.94

00:21:41.560 to go through that you're like basically i can't i can't judge other people you can say what you want

00:21:47.480 and feel what you want yeah and have your opinion and that doesn't mean that much to me because you don't

00:21:53.000 know what people go through what your capacity is at 17 i don't know if you went through your

00:21:58.680 experiences at that age and if you was living in a hostel at that age and if you had gone through what

00:22:02.840 i had gone through at that age yeah we're different people do you understand what i'm saying to you

00:22:06.840 yeah i know i know we're different people we're different people so that's what i'm saying you might

00:22:10.360 have the capacity you might have the support you might be living at home you might have your

00:22:13.560 mom to rub your back at the police station i wasn't in that situation so there are many people

00:22:19.320 that are experiencing things and i haven't got no judgment for you do what you can do because why

00:22:23.720 is it up to the victims to find and look down you know as a child to to to build up a case against

00:22:31.400 these people when you have the capacity yes i encourage i support but find an organization if

00:22:38.040 you don't think you can do it on your own if you are unsure get the support that you need the main thing

00:22:43.080 is that you have got support to get through the trauma of very yes you get your bum grabbed at a

00:22:48.120 nightclub but there's varying different traumas there's an organization it's called the police

00:22:52.600 so listen to this i've just listened to you just no no sorry can i can i talk because i've just

00:22:56.200 listened to you we've listened scars on me okay okay why am i going to go to them when i'm being

00:23:00.600 so what you're doing now is we've let you speak we've let you tell your story let you tell your passion

00:23:05.560 but i'm sorry but the world doesn't owe any one of us understanding lots of people are going through

00:23:09.880 lots of things end of the day it's very selfish for you to be assaulted by a man or whatever you said

00:23:14.520 and he's 40 years harassed or whatever it is but it's it's made you feel this strongly about

00:23:19.000 it it's gone into your life and it's obviously followed you you have let let this man go into

00:23:23.080 the world and possibly do it to many other women before this is like knowing a man is actually like

00:23:27.480 um for example if someone touched kids and you knew they did that and you never was a kid no you

00:23:34.040 wasn't you're 17 let's not do this please listen listen listen listen listen technically okay so if you're

00:23:39.560 gonna keep doing this then we're not gonna able to get off because basically you said to me i couldn't

00:23:43.560 open a 17 you can open a bank account you can open a bank account at like 11 years old what tends to

00:23:47.800 happen is a lot of people come over here and they're trying to act like oh when i wasn't i wasn't an

00:23:52.040 adult at 17 you knew right from wrong end of the day if you had any family any people around you if you

00:23:56.920 didn't call you to scenario i understand that but you have the police there you cannot come into a

00:24:00.920 platform and be this fluid and be this articulate and challenge pearl and say to myself oh you know what i

00:24:05.640 couldn't go to the police there's nobody around the police is there then you say to me

00:24:08.920 okay i got attacked by the police okay so you don't have whatever it is okay cool why am i

00:24:13.720 going to go to the police okay okay so now 15 have assaulted me okay cool so now we can't go to the

00:24:19.560 police right so you don't know who do we go to well i'm just discovering who do we report it to you

00:24:23.640 i'm just discovering my manager who do we report i'm asking you you're telling me you can't go to

00:24:27.000 the police most people can go to the police but you're saying to me so i don't have to take this on

00:24:29.880 board do you have um would you like to see the scars see what you're doing is yeah because he said he

00:24:34.680 don't believe you're not letting me finish and the reason you're not letting me finish is because

00:24:46.680 the moment i do you don't have nothing to push back on you just really talk big man talk talk

00:24:51.320 let me hear what you're saying okay can i present something a second one second guys guys guys let

00:24:57.400 let him finish because the thing is yeah we're not going to be able to have a conversation if you keep

00:25:00.760 doing this because you keep getting triggered why are you getting so triggered like it's like that

00:25:04.280 no if this is trauma let's not talk about it because you're getting very triggered by it and

00:25:07.240 you don't have to speak about it if this is causing you trauma because we can't even have a conversation

00:25:11.320 in order for me to have a conversation we're going to ask you some questions we're going to have to

00:25:14.440 diverge and every time i do you get triggered you interrupt me so i i don't want to do it if we

00:25:18.680 can't do it pal there's no point say what you have to say you said you're going to land is that

00:25:21.960 is that what you have to say is that what you have to say no alex take it take it okay that's what i

00:25:25.800 thought all right let me let me present something to you steph yeah yes for the rest of us to just

00:25:31.240 listen to so steph let's say you could um you were looking right now at 17 year old girl who has

00:25:41.320 just experienced your fly on the wall you see a 17 year old girl who's just experienced what you went

00:25:47.080 through um with the police with that with those situations what right now sitting here now what

00:25:55.880 do you think are the steps that that 17 year old girl should take i'd like to hear from the rest of

00:26:01.480 the panel i've heard i've heard from two men my advice and my concern is for her mental health

00:26:20.360 and that she is supported so i my priority over speaking to the police which i think is the best

00:26:26.360 course of action if she feels able to do so is to make sure that somebody she trusts whether it's a

00:26:32.680 member of her family whether it's a friend whoever is aware of her situation because if she's feeling

00:26:38.920 low if you know i mean what that's my concern you know you don't my general concern you don't think

00:26:43.480 the number one concern would be to stop it from happening again because because it happened to her

00:26:48.760 so now it could happen to 10 girls or it could happen to one girl i think it's a point of view situation

00:26:54.120 that we're going to say like it's someone coming from trauma and someone coming from stoicism so

00:26:59.640 it's two completely different point of views that don't interject so i get what you're saying in the

00:27:04.920 sense that say it with your chest right those things happen to you they were awful i'm very sorry but

00:27:11.560 your statistic is you're coming at her with maths your math is off right and she's saying these

00:27:15.880 things happen to me so obviously there's going to be a a complete non so can i just stop you for

00:27:21.320 i'll let you go on you know what it is i've come on this platform before i have three sisters i have

00:27:25.000 four nieces like i am very much i've just been spending a whole day with my niece you can look

00:27:29.400 at my story playing with them yeah i have a very good relationship my younger sister and we speak

00:27:33.480 about a lot of things so if you said you never if you don't have people around you and you can't go to

00:27:38.760 the police then i'm more concerned that there's men around here and doing things to women because i keep

00:27:43.080 hearing this and this is not how i was raised so i'm like what can we do to stop this and whenever i

00:27:48.920 but whenever i try to speak about what can we do to stop this or what can we do to at least bring

00:27:52.680 more awareness to us it just goes round and round and round a suggestion of what people can do to

00:27:56.920 stop this is perhaps okay right something's awful has happened to you you don't feel like you can say

00:28:02.520 it right you don't feel like you have that safe space to say it so you hold on to it it becomes an

00:28:08.280 internal trauma and then when someone mentioned it to you you fly off the handle that's how most people

00:28:13.240 handle these situations but what you're saying is what can i do so when someone flies off the

00:28:18.040 handle yeah don't come at them with maths come at them from i understand that you're this reaction

00:28:26.920 comes from a place of fear and anger you're asking him to communicate like a woman he's a man

00:28:32.040 no no no in fact i'm asking him to just communicate with me

00:28:35.880 no you're asking him to communicate well then you're putting different variances

00:28:40.280 let me let me sorry sorry one second again we come to this dichotomy of words yeah one one

00:28:45.240 second this i think this is interesting so it goes back to macho-ness and like you know dominance of

00:28:50.440 men over power and women toxic masculinity you know in a very subtle manner or you can't divert your

00:28:57.960 vocabulary alex alex you're gonna jump in after me but hold on a second what you're doing is what

00:29:01.880 see okay so you're doing tone police and we get this every single week no because you've literally

00:29:06.760 just done what the girl did the last week and the girl did the last week if you go look at my story

00:29:10.280 on tiktok it's going viral every single time a man speaks i have a woman every time a man makes a

00:29:15.640 point okay it's every time a man makes a point now it's your tone so i wasn't i wasn't even trying to

00:29:20.200 no no but what i'm trying to let me come in let me come in let me come in let me just say and you

00:29:22.920 could just literally come after me pa we'll let you go but the reason i want to speak about this

00:29:26.120 because men we speak direct we are not women okay so we have a different vocal tone we have a

00:29:31.400 different base in it right when a man articulates himself or men are direct what women tend to do 0.86

00:29:35.800 we go around the houses we've just spent a lot of time going around to get to the bottom or

00:29:38.920 something i completely understand what you're saying but when you speak about men's tone

00:29:43.320 we are not women and you don't want us to be women that's the point that i was making i thought

00:29:47.080 you over you didn't understand what i was trying to say pearl was saying that she was basically

00:29:51.720 trying to make you speak as if you was a female yeah you can't do okay that's part of it yeah 1.00

00:29:56.280 is the reason of this whole topic which is men harassment within the workplace and what we were

00:30:01.160 saying about how men can come across towards women when we are in a situation do you think

00:30:05.000 just take this for me you can't that what's the word like you can't what's you can't like be a woman

00:30:10.840 adapt that's what i'm looking for do you feel i'm not being sensitive to her no it's adapting like

00:30:14.840 adaptation you can't adapt you're not even choosing to be on a level to be like you know let me try and

00:30:19.560 work out no one's i need to be a female because physically you can't be yeah we understand that but 0.96

00:30:23.000 there's a part of your brain that can click so i'm trying to understand so how to you know come

00:30:27.480 across but basically what you want me to what you want me to do no what you want me what you want me

00:30:32.680 to do what you want me to do is no no i'm trying to say you should talk in a tone no no because

00:30:37.080 basically what you want me to do is you want me to basically tiptoe around this whole no because

00:30:41.640 basically i've all i've done is simply ask her a question i've listened to what you said i've asked

00:30:45.640 you why didn't you report it you told me you couldn't go to the police you told me you got scars

00:30:48.680 you've told me all the different things yeah cool but if there's my concern is is that when

00:30:53.640 this happens women don't and there's men that's walking around and it's continuing to happen to 0.98

00:30:57.160 so when i say what can we do yeah because the girl in your situation now and she hasn't got brothers

00:31:02.120 she hasn't got family she's in a hostel as well yeah what does she do she can't go to the police

00:31:12.040 someone just gave you an example is as a man what you could do for a woman or a young girl in that

00:31:16.680 situation someone else is giving you an example of what you can do i was asked what i'd advise

00:31:21.240 other young people in this situation to do so if you are asking a question feel free to listen to

00:31:27.640 some options you don't have to take them on as i think these are valid examples

00:31:35.880 as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this

00:31:42.680 platform if you want to help please consider sending a super thanks below every donation helps and it

00:31:49.720 helps make what we do possible

JustPearlyThings - November 07, 2023

She Gets ROASTED for Lying on Men About SA

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