She SHARED Her ABORTION Experience
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
180.1542
Summary
In this episode, I chat with my good friend Ruf about abortion, sex and sex education. Ruf talks about her own experience with abortion and the lessons she has learnt from it, and how she has dealt with the consequences of it.
Transcript
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um i have a question for you and you don't you don't have to answer this um the the two abortions
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was it the same dad no they're two different people um and what made you think you couldn't
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have a kid with those guys um because like what she said it made me realize ruf said it just made
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me realize um this was when i was younger by the way so i've grown up a lot from how old with each
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one so i was 17 on the first one and then i was um 23 on the next one um but yeah it just made me
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realize like the the the second the first time like i actually like i was actually having fun
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right so that made me calm down i was like i ain't doing that so oh when you say having fun it was
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like a casual it was a casual so it wasn't anyone you were serious with no so okay so then you thought
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i can't have a kid with right yeah but but that made me realize right the media is it's those
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they kind of project that onto people that the original family is like the perfect picture right
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but but it's not true i've seen fathers who are not biological and and they have the most amazing
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beautiful families right so um do you think he would have like stuck around or no uh no no okay
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are we spoken about that yeah and he he said if you have this i won't be yeah yeah yeah was he angry
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at you at all um i guess yeah there was some sort of like you know pull back pull pulls and whatnot
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but yeah i guess again i was quite immature uh mentally at that time and obviously the second
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time as well it emotionally mentally i was quite immature as well i looked at things differently and
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then it made me realize okay next time i have sex i need to be aware like do i want to have a baby with
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this person do i want to marry this person do i want to you know just all these things sort of come
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up and i was like i really need to think about those decisions and and yeah and what about the
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second guy were you with him or no um yeah the second guy yeah so what made you not wanna because
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it seemed like he did he love you or like he was in a relationship with you so the the so we were
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actually together before and then we ended up coming back and then yeah so i wasn't actually
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with him but we ended up coming back and you dated him before yeah and i was it was like my longest
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relationship was he was he a good guy no oh okay no no no he wouldn't have stuck around no he was no
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okay yeah um so you did the same thing yeah did the same thing twice yeah okay exactly so you kind of grow
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up from it you sort of learn the lesson and like i've been celibate for so long now right because
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i look at things so differently now when it comes to sex and it's not just the baby but it's the sexual
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energy is everything is sex is really really sacred people think it's fun but it's how long have you
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been celibate for um if you want it you don't have to answer this if you don't want to um well it's
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it could have been a year but it's now five months but it could have been a year so i had a little bleep
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but yeah okay okay yeah um and then oh you also had an abortion yeah can i can i ask you about it is
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it okay um what made you think you couldn't have a kid with that guy oh there were a few factors
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actually so um number one was the guy that i was with at the time was more much it was much an older
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guy how old oh gosh that's 26 27 okay that's yeah you're 19 yeah that's not so bad okay um or if
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yeah if my mom was yeah yeah 26 27 or close yeah maybe about close to 30 30 anyway but he was much
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more older than me um and i remember when we discussed the whole i'm pregnant thing we stepped out of the
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doctor's room and he said to me oh you've got your whole life ahead of you um you're too young um so
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that put me off um and then i had i had a late term abortion that um so i was like 20 weeks um i had
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left the country um because i was actually struggling with whether or not i'm making the right choice
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um also it was um just how my peers would view me at the time and um my family i have a very strong
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family unit and the way i was raised um i was raised from in a christian home and um i just didn't want to
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disappoint my mom uh and i remember my my mom at the time she made a statement and that really just
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was like a deal breaker for me i was just like oh if if you feel saying it like that because she
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didn't know outrightly but i think just having a mother's intuition she sort of she she knew there was
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something going on and once she said that i was just like oh i can't do this this is i've at the time i
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felt like i i wasn't hearing what i wanted to hear which was who was going to support me how am i going to
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cope um and yeah i went ahead and went for the abortion um did the guy like do you think he would have
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stayed if you kept it i don't actually know you say actually know or you don't know no i don't i don't
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know i mean i chose not to continue a relationship with him so after my experience so yeah i'm just
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curious if it was a different guy do you think he would have been more likely to keep it like to both of
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you when you say a different guy i think if it was a different guy who had like a different
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response i would have kept so if he had the response that like i'll be there you can keep
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it you would have you would have kept it i think so yeah okay and what about if it was a guy that you
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were i shouldn't could have seen yourself with long term maybe yeah like i shouldn't really like
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it shouldn't really make a difference right but i guess yeah at the time yeah yeah yeah but like i said
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i was quite immature back then even when i had the little bleep now it was actually someone that i
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looked as to the future you know so it was a bit different but um yeah i probably would but it
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shouldn't really come down to that as my point really no i think um that's what they say in like
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red pill that abortion is um the ultimate like hypergamy where it's like women um want to be with
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the like best long-term mate that they can so i'm not really surprised by that answer um can i comment
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i think what it shows as well is that you know that we we call it pro-choice but that choice is never
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made in a vacuum you know it was it was the pressures of those around the thoughts and the
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and the feelings that are particularly the man and in laura's instance to her mother as well and even i
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can say from my experience and um when when i got pregnant and i told my family um yeah i mean i was
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very blessed that my um dad said to me um yeah we're going to be there for you we're going to support
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you and i know that that like helped me um and so i think it's it is a societal issue and i think this
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whole pro-choice rhetoric rhetoric it kind of puts everything on the woman when as a society you know
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abortion impacts society and it is there's so many pressures there's just so many pressures on the
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woman and the woman's left to deal with a lot herself at that end where you know what of the
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dad that wasn't there to support what of the friends and the family members that weren't there to support
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we often hear uh women say you know if i just had one person that say you can do this
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or will be here for you they might have made a different choice yeah um it's interesting the
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girls i know that have had abortions um not i just met you guys so like but like i don't um
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i don't think it was like like both of them came from like pretty wealthy families that could have
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helped them i just think it was more of like life inconvenience to be fair um just at the time but
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yeah i think support for those women is helpful it's not even just money though is it it's emotional
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support it's just that well because people can be rich and and could potentially support but are they
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you know these rich families can still say you know it's going to look bad on our family or you know
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there's all those shame elements and um that perfect though you touched on that perfect that dream for that
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perfect family that this is an interruption from that and so i just think there's a lot of elements
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that come into it as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily
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