She Tried Justifying Not Reporting Abuse
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228.9469
Summary
In this episode, I discuss the lack of reporting domestic abuse in the UK and why it is so important that women report it to the police. I also discuss why women should report it and why they don't. I talk about my own experience with domestic abuse and how I dealt with it.
Transcript
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i'm not doing it for no reason i'm doing it so that the women that go through something and don't
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have the balls to go to the police they can actually say do you know what at least there's
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somebody there that says if i leave at least i'm free of it now because not everybody go to the
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police go to the police if you can if you can't i understand why you didn't and if you want message
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me denival.ao i'll help you don't worry my sisters i got you what you're going through nobody knows
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until you're going through it nobody trust me um okay but i would also like to add a slightly
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analytical perspective has any of the viewers noticed that around these conversations there's
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a there's a strong pattern with feminists right so normally it's everyone's being abused none of
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them report it and their personal experience counts for the reality so it's normally like
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you know everyone i i know two people who got jumped by by you know guys on the street um so that makes
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it a problem i didn't tell anyone at the time but i was suffering inside i was damaged in all these
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ways that no one can really prove or evidence um but i will tell you i was damaged because i guess
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no one can prove it um and you know it's an issue for everyone well that's why boys don't report it so
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domestic abuse for boys don't exist because the police don't see it no what alex is saying is that
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you can't use the statistics when you're not contributing to the statistics to defend what
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you have not reported that's basically what you're saying i think you can't use that you can't use
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that to your advantage if you don't help contribute that because you reporting it no matter when it
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happens you can report a year later two year letters report it help contribute to that statistic in
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such a way it now shows and proves that you know because even if they don't press charges today
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or tomorrow or for your case like people have patterns of behavior exactly and so you're just
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contributing to the problem by not reporting it like like by like by going on a on a podcast using
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the story to make you look good and i don't need it to make me look good and then not reporting it
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and then saying that under the guise of i'm doing this to help women it's like if you wanted to help
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women then you would have went to the police okay they're all noble victims it's it's like i don't know
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like i think that sometimes when people like talk about these situations they haven't gone through they
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really get and don't get the image for example the reason why i don't even need to report it because
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a lot of these things have happened in public i never i i actually said withdraw the charges i don't
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want him to go to prison why because i loved him and i didn't want him to be in prison over something
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that i thought me and him could actually resolve family could be involved in help but you're fighting
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a lot against against a lot of factors that's why i say if you're going to use the argument of
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oh you're here talking about it but you didn't report it didn't happen then men don't get abused
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and it's the the point still remains women get abused more than men that's like as simple as
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that and that's why i'm saying like because men don't report it so it don't happen no women
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one-sided abuse is more common for women to do so so if it's if you're not if it's not mutual hitting
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okay because like i i wouldn't say that's an abusive relationship if you guys are hitting each
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other like i wouldn't i wouldn't say you're a victim if you're hitting each other you're just toxic
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yeah it's just and so like i would argue you're not a victim if you're hitting each other constantly
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this this reminds me of the theory of hysteria if you read like the victorians used to talk about
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this this is this is like you know quite controversial but the victorians had this idea that um of
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hysteria that sometimes women would get into hysteria about things and and like just make stuff up and
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a lot of the time when i talk to the feminists i meet outside i do get the vibe that like she might be
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because because there's people that they all say the same thing it's like apparently everyone's
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been abused doesn't matter whether they go to the top uni or the or the worst uni everyone's abused
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especially when there's a big media event all of a sudden everyone comes out and they've had the
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same story and i'm like really like because because amber heard got punched in the face now you were
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getting whipped yesterday really i've known you for like three years you know and i just it just shows
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a lack of accountability like when you ask them these questions they start throwing out all these words
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well it's because like it goes back to if you really cared about women you'd report it if you
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if you genuinely like because you can report it you can report it later and you might not win but at
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least it goes on record and police can pull up those records to use in a case later cool like i said so
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any records i need to be used will be used the reason why i would prefer to use this platform to speak
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about and to do that is because like i said i don't only just champion women and men and sometimes men
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today i'm meant to be on the voice side and i also champion the black community culturally there's
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certain things that i decided not to do because i i have a complete a complex makeup so i'd rather sit
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here and tell girls if you're being abused and you don't know what to do and you're lost and you feel
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like your world is so lonely and nobody can help you i'm telling you can get out of it you don't if you
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don't feel like reporting to the police don't go speak to somebody somebody will understand because
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people have gone through and they've come out out of it stronger than whatever situation they were in
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so that's all i'm saying abuse exists it's real it's very very deep and that's why people sometimes
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don't talk about it the same way it goes for men same way it goes for women but let's not try and act
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like women don't actually go through this and a lot of the time like you said women will all then say
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oh yeah i was abused as well yeah because a lot of people go through things and they hide it they
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embarrassed or they they feel ashamed or especially when you're not talking about oh yeah but you're
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damaged goods and you know things like that people won't speak up that's what it is listen right you
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can go if you're abused and you can report it and nobody will know about it nobody would know about
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it they've even got special codes now that you can go into a shop and you can say to them you know
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give them a keyword i can't remember what the name is it's a woman's name yeah where is the code exactly
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at the bar it's called angela if you go to the bartender and you tell them i need to call angela
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even in any shops or chemists or you know i mean some pharmacies where is that for men so it's not
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to say that oh you're gonna feel shame listen right if anybody's out there getting abused report it
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don't go and talk to your friends about it go and report it there's nothing to be ashamed about
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nobody needs to know don't go out there and advertise it go and talk to somebody about it that's what you
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need to do i am champion for the women it's nothing to do with culture it's nothing to do with the
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blackness it's to do with women and men full stop if you are getting abused go and report it don't
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talk to your friends about it as soon as it happens go and report it because there is help for you and
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i would like them to be codes for men too and there should be codes for men so that if a man is getting
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abused rather than going somewhere and you think to yourself well i'm a man and i have to go and
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report this there should be a code where a man goes into a police station said the code and then he gets
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treated the same way as if a woman says the code i hear you auntie but um you get some people out
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there that they just won't go to the police either because um they feel like the police ain't gonna do
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nothing about it you know what i'm saying don't knock it till you've tried it i hear you but um
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there's this i'm just saying in general there's a lot of people you can't say that to everyone if
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you've been abused go report to the police because not everybody's gonna do that some people don't
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even trust the police like some people might have like oh maybe say if someone put on yeah the
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police killed my son or you know i mean they don't trust the police so everybody's not gonna go to
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the police i understand i understand what you're saying right but if they're not gonna report it
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and you don't want to say nothing about it shut up about it don't go on social media and advertise it
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i agree shut up about it because i don't understand how somebody could be too scared too frightened to
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report it to a police but they're not too scared too frightened to go on a public platform and talk
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about it it don't make no sense it don't make no sense to me do you know what it is right you get
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some people right they feel like if they announce it on the social media they feel like they're releasing
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their stress you know i'm saying this from my experience i've seen this you know i'm saying in
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this generation right now back in the days in one of that but in this generation right now i've seen a
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lot of people when they're going through this that they feel like if they're going on social media
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going to life and then express their feelings because they just want the world to know what they're
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going through yeah but there's there's therapists i hear that but a lot of people don't do that
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friends and family like why are you going to on a pot like if if you're saying you're afraid
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if you're afraid of not being believed if that's that's what you're saying then you're going to go
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talk to more people about it that doesn't like two plus two doesn't equal four it doesn't make sense
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but i'm just saying you get some people like that yeah but like why do you i don't believe it
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i don't buy i think it's a form of social currency now have you been abused yeah oh how was it did you
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report it no then don't say you've been abused then same as me sorry no that's that's not how
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that works so so you don't you don't use your your experiences as a way to kind of prove a point
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but that doesn't mean you can't factually state that like you asked the question so i'm going to
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answer your question factually anyway moving on um yeah i think it's a form of social currency i think
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because we've we've seen we see this a lot right whether they all come up here and they've all you know
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everyone's got their victim story and they're all noble victims and i just feel like they get a kick
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off it like it's it's cool to be like to be one of the downtrodden it's cool to be a victim
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sorry i wouldn't say it's it's like cool to be a victim i went through it and i think maybe because
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time has passed like you said you you are now you are now able to vent about what happened but maybe
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when you're going through that and i'll say it's someone who did go through that in two relationships
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there was no way i could speak about it because to me no one would believe me
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to me i just had a baby with him and you know you've given this this guy a son and
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you made your bed lying yeah and to society especially to like latin american
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cultures portuguese okay uh you have to you have to like even though as stupid as it sound
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okay you've had a child with someone okay make it look like you're doing well in life
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so you don't want to come out and say you know what i am being abused i am being
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mentally uh being abused i have to say mentally because it wasn't physical with this one right
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um so what happened the second time can i ask what happened the second time uh the second time was um
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it became physical but with this one it was both so i have to say that i was also i got i also got
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physical with him and there was a time that there was a time there was a time i headbutted him so hard
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in the mouth and he had to bustle it for a whole week did he call the police on you no no he didn't
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because he would always say i'll never call the police on you because that's not me i'm a man
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and i'll take it and in my and in my head auntie jenny i was like i'm i'm a piece of shit because
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even though he's tall and he's bigger than me i still hit him and i have no right to do that so i
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am abusing him even though he did that so it was just like you say it was it was it was an
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absolutely toxic relationship but now when i look back at it i'm like i i don't blame him i don't
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see him any i don't see him any less because i was just as bad as him like we were just as we were
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just as bad as you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this
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