She tried To Slither Her way Through This Topic
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
216.89197
Summary
In this episode, we discuss the topic of whether or not to have sex with your partner when they don t want it. Is sex a duty? Is it a privilege? Is sex something you should always be involved in? And what would you do if your partner stopped having sex with you?
Transcript
00:00:00.000
So you do believe, like, when you get married, it's forever?
00:00:05.280
Okay, and so do you believe that it's in sickness and in health
00:00:08.360
for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse?
00:00:11.440
Okay, so then not when the man isn't pulling his weight.
00:00:20.740
That doesn't mean she doesn't love him and she wouldn't stay with him,
00:00:22.660
but she may stop having sex with him if he's not.
00:00:25.860
So she uses sex as a way to control him if he's not doing what she wants.
00:00:33.000
Because nobody's attracted to somebody who doesn't, like, help them and, like...
00:00:39.980
Like, do you believe you have duties in a marriage?
00:00:42.160
Or do you believe you should just do what you want, what makes you happy?
00:00:52.520
I can't imagine, like, not having sex with my boyfriend every day.
00:00:55.920
What would you do if your boyfriend stopped having sex with you?
00:00:59.460
which is why I understand that there's so much nuance to this topic.
00:01:03.260
And also women don't take rejection as well as men do often in the bedroom.
00:01:07.360
But, like, I also understand that there are situations in a marriage
00:01:10.220
where you may go through a dry spell because you're busy,
00:01:12.600
because you're stressed, because you're having a hard time.
00:01:14.060
Well, you've had two children and it's, like, physically impossible or painful.
00:01:18.500
Well, I understand, like, if you have medical issues.
00:01:21.880
But outside of medical issues, we're just talking normal.
00:01:24.420
Why would you not want to sleep with your husband?
00:01:27.560
I think that attraction can ebb and flow, especially when you're very stressed.
00:01:33.040
Yeah, it's hard for me to speak on because I've not been in that situation myself.
00:01:36.920
So I can only speak on, like, based on my friend's experience
00:01:39.460
and what they've told me of, like, I don't want to sleep with my husband
00:01:41.720
because I don't see him anymore and, like, he's working all the time.
00:01:45.860
It's hard for me to speak from myself because I've never been in that scenario.
00:01:49.800
Do you think that men get married thinking their wives will stop sleeping with them?
00:01:53.740
No, nobody gets married thinking they're not going to sleep with each other.
00:01:55.980
Okay, so don't you think that's a bit unfair to men?
00:01:58.900
Like, they're already risking so much going into marriage.
00:02:02.160
They're risking you falsely accusing them of abuse.
00:02:12.360
I don't think anyone wants to not have sex with their partner.
00:02:15.180
But whose choice is it typically to not have sex, the men or the women?
00:02:19.040
Okay, so it's the women not sleeping with the men.
00:02:27.860
No, I don't think you're entitled to somebody's body.
00:02:31.280
But so you don't think sex is a duty from wives to husbands?
00:02:35.500
I think it's a lovely thing that you can share in.
00:02:37.640
I think intimacy is very important in a relationship.
00:02:39.840
And I think if sex stopped forever, you might get divorced over it.
00:02:46.340
And do I think the expectation of owing would make anyone want it more?
00:02:58.860
It's just like the way you're speaking, it's kind of like do whatever you want in marriage.
00:03:08.560
But it's like if you want a long and happy marriage, how are you going to do that if you're not sleeping with your husband?
00:03:13.680
But if you're having sex when you don't want to with your husband, I can't imagine that.
00:03:19.540
Do you think that sometimes in marriage you're going to have to do things you don't want to do for the family?
00:03:25.820
Sex is a very unpleasant thing to do if you don't want to do...
00:03:32.820
Why would you get married though if that's an option for you with that person?
00:03:37.540
I think it goes back to when you asked why do you want to get married?
00:03:40.720
I think I don't want to get married to feel like a unit, to want to have kids with someone, to want to love someone.
00:03:47.660
I'm getting married because I can't wait to enjoy that day with that person just for us to enjoy.
00:03:53.820
It's like a declaration of me showing you again why I love you.
00:03:57.360
It just comes with a lot more responsibility in terms of, like you said, we come together as a unit financially on paper.
00:04:03.200
But it shouldn't change the status of your love, your relationship.
00:04:07.400
I think when you get with someone and you say to yourself, this is the guy that I want to marry, you have a duty to never stop trying.
00:04:14.280
If you're at a point in a relationship where you feel like you don't know if you want to try with this person anymore,
00:04:21.160
the option of getting married should never be an option.
00:04:23.760
Because when you get into a relationship, that's why relationships fail.
00:04:27.600
Because people don't understand that when love is true love, it becomes a thing of you're not selfish.
00:04:35.440
And you vow to, without that marriage, you vow to always try.
00:04:39.420
When it's hard, when I'm in a mood, when I'm on my period, when everything's heightened, I still try for that person.
00:04:48.340
But there is a million different factors that reason relationships break up.
00:04:53.740
And also I don't think a marriage difficult gives you duty to have sex with someone all the time.
00:04:57.360
I think there's a million stupid factors that marriages break up.
00:05:04.000
I think that women get divorced for a lot of stupid reasons.
00:05:16.260
I think really anything outside of, I'll give you infidelity.
00:05:21.160
Like if he gets another girl pregnant, I could give you, I'm going to give, I'm going to give you that one.
00:05:34.900
And honestly, I don't even really believe in divorce.
00:05:37.580
I believe in separation, you know, and then you try to work it out.
00:05:51.160
Now, nowadays, someone came on my pod and said you should get divorced for not doing the dishes.
00:06:06.020
Because she's about sex and duty within a marriage.
00:06:08.400
So, do you think the piece of paper that says I do the marriage certificate gives is then lifelong consent to have sex with me?
00:06:20.020
It is not okay for him to forcefully have sex with you ever.
00:06:24.800
But I think, I think, one, I don't see the point of getting married if you believe divorce is on the table for damn near anything.
00:06:36.240
I don't think there's many people that get into a marriage and stand there on that day thinking, oh, I've got a way out in however many years.
00:06:41.860
You know, but there's, I think your actions speak louder than words.
00:06:56.180
But I think as a wife, you should have sex with your husband whenever he wants, pretty much.
00:07:04.160
I don't think you should use sex to control your husband.
00:07:16.780
So, I think a lot of women use sex to try to control their husbands.
00:07:24.660
And I don't, if you do that, I don't feel bad if you get cheated on.
00:07:29.760
And I feel like they do that sometimes because they're actually not strong enough to actually stand up in a situation when they should.
00:07:37.240
So, they use other anomalies to get out what has been swept under the mat rather than facing that argument or facing what he done that was wrong at that moment, at that time.
00:07:51.260
Like, you stop doing them things rather than being direct and not being naive and then, like, exert that in a whole, like you said, the wrong way instead of the right way in communicating.
00:08:00.680
I think that if you want to get divorced for damn near anything, just don't get married.
00:08:09.220
I had someone, I'm not going to name names, Destiny, say that you should get divorced over chores.
00:08:17.480
That's fine if you want to do that, but what's, then don't get married.
00:08:21.300
Marriage is supposed to be for sicker, for poorer, for better, for worse.
00:08:27.940
It is a stupid reason, but he did make it sound quite, I understand.
00:08:32.540
He's going to make it stupid argument sound good.
00:08:34.900
Can I also point out, though, that Destiny is actually the only one married here, though, isn't he?
00:08:43.880
Yeah, but, like, am I going to draw an experience-based, you know, I have a video coming out about this, but I have an aunt, you know, and she expressed that, like, her concern was she couldn't stay, like, she was so frustrated with her husband, right?
00:08:57.520
And she was like, he's so messy, I just couldn't deal with it.
00:09:00.680
And she's been married, like, 20 years, and honestly, she's one of the most feminine women that I know.
00:09:04.700
Like, she's just one of those aunts that comes in, you know, and you just feel, like, at home.
00:09:13.200
But then I thought every time I picked up my sock, I would just say, I love you, Jason.
00:09:18.120
I love you, Roman, because I was her husband and her son.
00:09:20.820
And she said, I had to change my thinking and stop complaining and just do it and think of it as doing something that I love for them.
00:09:29.180
Get divorced over chores or learn how to love the person because you're not perfect either.
00:09:34.160
As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok, and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
00:09:42.060
If you want to help, please consider sending a super thanks below.
00:09:46.580
Every donation helps, and it helps make what we do possible.