JustPearlyThings - April 16, 2023


She tried To Slither Her way Through This Topic


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

216.89197

Word count

2,134

Sentence count

167

Harmful content

Misogyny

18

sentences flagged

Hate speech

12

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the topic of whether or not to have sex with your partner when they don t want it. Is sex a duty? Is it a privilege? Is sex something you should always be involved in? And what would you do if your partner stopped having sex with you?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 So you do believe, like, when you get married, it's forever?
00:00:03.100 Yeah.
00:00:03.840 Okay.
00:00:04.280 In an ideal world, yeah.
00:00:05.280 Okay, and so do you believe that it's in sickness and in health
00:00:08.360 for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse?
00:00:10.540 Yes.
00:00:11.440 Okay, so then not when the man isn't pulling his weight.
00:00:15.360 No, I totally agree with the saying. 0.52
00:00:17.300 But what I was saying, though, is that, like,
00:00:19.080 she might not want to sleep with him.
00:00:20.740 That doesn't mean she doesn't love him and she wouldn't stay with him,
00:00:22.660 but she may stop having sex with him if he's not. 0.89
00:00:25.860 So she uses sex as a way to control him if he's not doing what she wants. 0.88
00:00:29.160 But she might not be attracted to him.
00:00:30.820 Why is she not attracted to him?
00:00:33.000 Because nobody's attracted to somebody who doesn't, like, help them and, like...
00:00:37.360 Do you believe in duty?
00:00:39.200 What do you mean by that?
00:00:39.980 Like, do you believe you have duties in a marriage?
00:00:42.160 Or do you believe you should just do what you want, what makes you happy?
00:00:44.600 Yes, but are you implying that sex is a duty?
00:00:46.640 I am.
00:00:47.580 Do you believe that sex is a duty? 0.68
00:00:49.740 Sex is a really complicated thing.
00:00:51.080 I'm a person with a really high sex drive.
00:00:52.520 I can't imagine, like, not having sex with my boyfriend every day.
00:00:55.920 What would you do if your boyfriend stopped having sex with you?
00:00:58.360 I would find it really difficult,
00:00:59.460 which is why I understand that there's so much nuance to this topic.
00:01:01.680 So I feel like I do have, like...
00:01:03.260 And also women don't take rejection as well as men do often in the bedroom.
00:01:07.360 But, like, I also understand that there are situations in a marriage
00:01:10.220 where you may go through a dry spell because you're busy,
00:01:12.600 because you're stressed, because you're having a hard time.
00:01:14.060 Well, you've had two children and it's, like, physically impossible or painful.
00:01:17.280 Yeah, how is it?
00:01:17.980 A long period of time.
00:01:18.500 Well, I understand, like, if you have medical issues.
00:01:21.880 But outside of medical issues, we're just talking normal.
00:01:24.420 Why would you not want to sleep with your husband? 1.00
00:01:27.560 I think that attraction can ebb and flow, especially when you're very stressed.
00:01:31.540 Oh, if you want to sleep with someone else.
00:01:33.040 Yeah, it's hard for me to speak on because I've not been in that situation myself.
00:01:36.920 So I can only speak on, like, based on my friend's experience
00:01:39.460 and what they've told me of, like, I don't want to sleep with my husband
00:01:41.720 because I don't see him anymore and, like, he's working all the time.
00:01:45.220 And, you know what I mean?
00:01:45.860 It's hard for me to speak from myself because I've never been in that scenario.
00:01:49.800 Do you think that men get married thinking their wives will stop sleeping with them? 0.55
00:01:53.740 No, nobody gets married thinking they're not going to sleep with each other. 0.90
00:01:55.980 Okay, so don't you think that's a bit unfair to men?
00:01:58.900 Like, they're already risking so much going into marriage.
00:02:02.160 They're risking you falsely accusing them of abuse.
00:02:05.200 They're risking all their assets.
00:02:06.880 And now they can't even get sex out of it.
00:02:09.280 I think women get married wanting to have sex. 1.00
00:02:12.360 I don't think anyone wants to not have sex with their partner.
00:02:15.180 But whose choice is it typically to not have sex, the men or the women? 0.88
00:02:18.560 The woman.
00:02:19.040 Okay, so it's the women not sleeping with the men. 1.00
00:02:22.060 Often, I would say, yeah, that's...
00:02:23.840 Okay, and you'd agree.
00:02:25.120 So would you agree that that's unfair to men?
00:02:27.860 No, I don't think you're entitled to somebody's body.
00:02:31.280 But so you don't think sex is a duty from wives to husbands? 0.83
00:02:34.380 Not a duty, no.
00:02:35.500 I think it's a lovely thing that you can share in.
00:02:37.640 I think intimacy is very important in a relationship.
00:02:39.840 And I think if sex stopped forever, you might get divorced over it. 1.00
00:02:43.380 I think intimacy is incredibly important.
00:02:44.880 But do I think that it's ever owed?
00:02:46.340 And do I think the expectation of owing would make anyone want it more?
00:02:50.240 No.
00:02:50.760 But not owed.
00:02:51.760 But shouldn't you want to do that as a wife? 1.00
00:02:54.840 I do want to.
00:02:55.800 Like with my boyfriend all the time.
00:02:56.720 But it's hard to...
00:02:57.520 Right.
00:02:57.820 But I'm saying like...
00:02:58.860 It's just like the way you're speaking, it's kind of like do whatever you want in marriage.
00:03:05.640 Like do what makes you happy.
00:03:06.900 Do what you feel is right.
00:03:08.560 But it's like if you want a long and happy marriage, how are you going to do that if you're not sleeping with your husband?
00:03:13.680 But if you're having sex when you don't want to with your husband, I can't imagine that.
00:03:18.180 But it must be a terrible feeling.
00:03:19.540 Do you think that sometimes in marriage you're going to have to do things you don't want to do for the family?
00:03:25.820 Sex is a very unpleasant thing to do if you don't want to do... 0.61
00:03:29.120 You can just lay there.
00:03:30.980 What are you really doing?
00:03:32.820 Why would you get married though if that's an option for you with that person?
00:03:37.540 I think it goes back to when you asked why do you want to get married?
00:03:40.720 I think I don't want to get married to feel like a unit, to want to have kids with someone, to want to love someone.
00:03:47.660 I'm getting married because I can't wait to enjoy that day with that person just for us to enjoy.
00:03:53.820 It's like a declaration of me showing you again why I love you.
00:03:57.360 It just comes with a lot more responsibility in terms of, like you said, we come together as a unit financially on paper.
00:04:03.200 But it shouldn't change the status of your love, your relationship.
00:04:07.400 I think when you get with someone and you say to yourself, this is the guy that I want to marry, you have a duty to never stop trying.
00:04:14.280 If you're at a point in a relationship where you feel like you don't know if you want to try with this person anymore,
00:04:21.160 the option of getting married should never be an option.
00:04:23.760 Because when you get into a relationship, that's why relationships fail.
00:04:27.600 Because people don't understand that when love is true love, it becomes a thing of you're not selfish.
00:04:35.440 And you vow to, without that marriage, you vow to always try.
00:04:39.420 When it's hard, when I'm in a mood, when I'm on my period, when everything's heightened, I still try for that person.
00:04:45.900 And a marriage doesn't define that.
00:04:47.080 And I really hope you get that.
00:04:48.340 But there is a million different factors that reason relationships break up.
00:04:52.100 Yeah, of course.
00:04:52.840 And as much as you try.
00:04:53.740 And also I don't think a marriage difficult gives you duty to have sex with someone all the time.
00:04:57.360 I think there's a million stupid factors that marriages break up.
00:05:00.020 Yeah, yeah, I think, yeah, I really do.
00:05:04.000 I think that women get divorced for a lot of stupid reasons. 1.00
00:05:07.560 Like what?
00:05:10.140 Financial, I think is pretty dumb.
00:05:12.440 Not being happy anymore.
00:05:14.520 I think that's pretty dumb.
00:05:16.260 I think really anything outside of, I'll give you infidelity.
00:05:21.160 Like if he gets another girl pregnant, I could give you, I'm going to give, I'm going to give you that one. 0.99
00:05:26.840 You're so generous.
00:05:28.080 Thank you.
00:05:29.020 I am so, thank you.
00:05:31.380 I'm going to say abuse.
00:05:33.220 There's one.
00:05:34.900 And honestly, I don't even really believe in divorce.
00:05:37.580 I believe in separation, you know, and then you try to work it out.
00:05:42.080 But I'll give you abuse.
00:05:43.640 I'll give you abuse. 0.99
00:05:44.720 I'll give you that.
00:05:48.500 Trying to think.
00:05:49.420 That's really it.
00:05:50.300 Abuse.
00:05:51.160 Now, nowadays, someone came on my pod and said you should get divorced for not doing the dishes. 0.80
00:05:57.020 So, you know, marriage has changed, I guess.
00:06:02.480 That's all I can think of those two.
00:06:04.440 That's what I got.
00:06:05.220 Can I ask a question?
00:06:06.020 Because she's about sex and duty within a marriage. 0.99
00:06:08.400 So, do you think the piece of paper that says I do the marriage certificate gives is then lifelong consent to have sex with me?
00:06:15.740 No matter the situation.
00:06:17.220 I don't.
00:06:17.820 I want to do one caveat.
00:06:20.020 It is not okay for him to forcefully have sex with you ever.
00:06:23.920 Okay.
00:06:24.800 But I think, I think, one, I don't see the point of getting married if you believe divorce is on the table for damn near anything.
00:06:32.080 What's the point?
00:06:32.680 Be in a relationship.
00:06:33.620 Don't get married.
00:06:34.560 Like, I just genuinely don't see the point.
00:06:36.240 I don't think there's many people that get into a marriage and stand there on that day thinking, oh, I've got a way out in however many years.
00:06:41.860 You know, but there's, I think your actions speak louder than words.
00:06:45.240 So, if you do it, then you think it.
00:06:47.400 You thought it at least once.
00:06:48.760 Yeah.
00:06:48.960 So, I'd like that caveat.
00:06:52.380 That's, that's not okay.
00:06:53.640 No, no grape.
00:06:55.020 None of that.
00:06:55.640 None of that.
00:06:56.180 But I think as a wife, you should have sex with your husband whenever he wants, pretty much. 1.00
00:07:02.520 No matter what his behavior is.
00:07:04.160 I don't think you should use sex to control your husband.
00:07:07.660 I think that's wrong.
00:07:08.840 So, I think it's actually.
00:07:10.000 What if he tries to use sex to control you?
00:07:12.860 Why?
00:07:13.460 Did two wrongs make a right?
00:07:15.060 Are we on the playground?
00:07:15.820 No, absolutely not.
00:07:16.380 Yeah.
00:07:16.780 So, I think a lot of women use sex to try to control their husbands. 1.00
00:07:21.100 Wrong.
00:07:21.960 Wrong.
00:07:22.460 I think that's mean.
00:07:23.600 Men need sex. 1.00
00:07:24.660 And I don't, if you do that, I don't feel bad if you get cheated on.
00:07:27.900 I don't feel bad.
00:07:28.840 Not even a little bit.
00:07:29.760 And I feel like they do that sometimes because they're actually not strong enough to actually stand up in a situation when they should.
00:07:37.240 So, they use other anomalies to get out what has been swept under the mat rather than facing that argument or facing what he done that was wrong at that moment, at that time.
00:07:49.520 So, that's like cooking, things like that.
00:07:51.260 Like, you stop doing them things rather than being direct and not being naive and then, like, exert that in a whole, like you said, the wrong way instead of the right way in communicating.
00:08:00.680 I think that if you want to get divorced for damn near anything, just don't get married.
00:08:04.640 Like, what's the point of getting married?
00:08:06.720 Like, what's then just be in a relationship?
00:08:09.220 I had someone, I'm not going to name names, Destiny, say that you should get divorced over chores. 1.00
00:08:15.740 Oh, go get it.
00:08:16.400 That's fine.
00:08:17.020 That's ridiculous.
00:08:17.480 That's fine if you want to do that, but what's, then don't get married.
00:08:21.300 Marriage is supposed to be for sicker, for poorer, for better, for worse.
00:08:24.760 He did make it quite a good point, though.
00:08:27.100 You're right.
00:08:27.940 It is a stupid reason, but he did make it sound quite, I understand.
00:08:31.920 He's going to make it stupid argument.
00:08:32.540 He's going to make it stupid argument sound good.
00:08:34.900 Can I also point out, though, that Destiny is actually the only one married here, though, isn't he?
00:08:39.260 In an open marriage.
00:08:41.280 In an open marriage, yeah.
00:08:42.100 Would you want an open marriage?
00:08:42.960 Don't make him not married.
00:08:43.880 Yeah, but, like, am I going to draw an experience-based, you know, I have a video coming out about this, but I have an aunt, you know, and she expressed that, like, her concern was she couldn't stay, like, she was so frustrated with her husband, right?
00:08:57.520 And she was like, he's so messy, I just couldn't deal with it.
00:09:00.680 And she's been married, like, 20 years, and honestly, she's one of the most feminine women that I know.
00:09:04.700 Like, she's just one of those aunts that comes in, you know, and you just feel, like, at home.
00:09:08.780 You know the aunt, right?
00:09:10.000 She's, like, the sweetest lady.
00:09:11.740 And she was like, yeah, I was so mad.
00:09:13.200 But then I thought every time I picked up my sock, I would just say, I love you, Jason.
00:09:18.120 I love you, Roman, because I was her husband and her son.
00:09:20.820 And she said, I had to change my thinking and stop complaining and just do it and think of it as doing something that I love for them.
00:09:27.900 So, like, what's a better mindset?
00:09:29.180 Get divorced over chores or learn how to love the person because you're not perfect either.
00:09:34.160 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok, and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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