JustPearlyThings - She Was In A Toxic Relationship For 15 YEARS!!!

00:00:00.000 chaotic i guess um my ex-partner and the father of my children um i met him when i was 14 years old

00:00:07.580 what is it with no how old is he he was i was 14 he was 16 so we were still a little better yeah

00:00:13.840 what is it with this oh honestly what do you guys do in england my lord like what is it

00:00:18.300 it's a bit groomy uh yeah so um so he was like he was my first ever boyfriend and when i met him i

00:00:25.880 remember this i was at school and i met him he came and chatted me up at the bus stop after school

00:00:30.580 with his friends um and i thought he was the most handsome guy that i'd ever seen in my life and i

00:00:36.340 was super flattered that he was talking to me um so we dated i say we dated we were in a little bit of

00:00:41.900 a relationship for maybe like a year um and then he broke up with me and i was just i was heartbroken

00:00:48.100 i think at that time i really convinced myself that i loved him and that i was mature enough to

00:00:52.860 know what love was and my friends and my family were like no he's not for you he's not they were

00:00:58.400 obviously seeing something that i didn't see because you're in that bubble of being in love

00:01:02.680 and this juvenile sense of he's my everything like at 14 i don't think you can know what your everything

00:01:08.120 is um so we we were together first kind of intimate experience and things like that and i think that

00:01:14.720 i put that uh i held that to quite an you know on quite a pedal store that i was intimate with

00:01:21.260 somebody for the first time and so this must be love and we're going to be together forever

00:01:24.820 um we our relationship came to an end when we was i don't know i think maybe like a year later i was

00:01:30.560 about 15 um and i saw other people and things like that but he would always contact me so it will be

00:01:36.560 like we wouldn't speak for maybe like six months or something i'll change my number and then i'd

00:01:40.660 randomly bump into him in the street which just kept fueling this sense in my mind of oh my god we're

00:01:45.380 clearly meant to be together when did the kid come in she was a father yeah yeah when did the 0.84

00:01:49.760 kid come in so we got back together um i would say again sort of in line with that whole us bumping

00:01:54.960 into each other and me feeling like it's fate it's meant to be oh my gosh um fast forward i was 19 i'd

00:02:01.140 moved out of my parents i was living on my own i was living a great life i was very happy um and again

00:02:05.860 i moved i moved into a place and on my first day of living there i've gone to the like the local shop

00:02:10.960 and he's just there and he's like this is the pub the pub next door is where he like cashed his

00:02:15.720 checks after work and stuff so again this just fueled this we're meant to be this is the universe

00:02:20.740 this is god bringing us together um so we got back together when i was 19 we had our daughter when i was

00:02:27.840 21 uh our son when i was 20 uh 22 um and we had a 10 year relationship wow we separated when i was 30

00:02:36.180 when i was 30 he's only two years older than me so he was 32 um and it was very in the beginning

00:02:41.900 stages it was very i wouldn't say it was very toxic but i didn't see him for what he was i was just in

00:02:47.260 this bubble of i love him and he's who i'm gonna be with forever would you say he was a bad boy or a

00:02:52.480 nice guy i would say that i believed he was a nice guy but in hindsight he's not a very nice person

00:02:57.600 okay he's a bad like if you if you had to classify one he'd be bad boy category yeah but not like your

00:03:03.060 your stereotypical bad boy like he's got edge about him more like you're just not a very nice

00:03:07.620 person you're actually very insecure you've got a lot of issues in yourself you project a lot of

00:03:11.900 things and i think that was particularly when we had our children um we moved away from my parents

00:03:18.660 so i was quite isolated i lost quite a few of my friends i didn't really see my family so all of my

00:03:23.340 relationships started to take a bit of a hit for this love that i thought was going to be forever

00:03:28.060 um and i would say by the time by the time i got to 29 i started to see it for what it was and i

00:03:34.620 started to see he was quite narcissistic he was quite i would never want to deform his character and

00:03:40.340 say he was narcissistic but from my experience i felt like i was being emotionally manipulated

00:03:46.060 mentally manipulated and things like that um so we separated when i was 30 and it was actually a

00:03:51.740 really bad breakup like really really bad breakup um so we've been we haven't been together for

00:03:58.300 five years four and a half five years and he hates my guts we co-parent and he's a great father i

00:04:04.620 wouldn't take that away from him my children absolutely adore him and he adores them they see

00:04:09.900 him very regularly but he doesn't even give me eye contact he hates me why i don't mind um to be honest

00:04:17.820 with you i think i think that he didn't take the time to heal from our relationship and if i'm being

00:04:26.060 really transparent um i checked out in like the last year of our relationship i checked out he you

00:04:32.140 know he was doing his thing he was unfaithful in the beginning of our relationship um it prompted like

00:04:37.900 an open relationship for like a year which i didn't really want to have but because he wanted to have

00:04:42.300 it i kind of agreed with it because i felt like that was the right thing to do um i never stepped out and

00:04:47.340 did anything but i would like tell him i was going on a date and i'd go to like my girlfriend's house

00:04:51.340 and just chill with her so that he thought i was going on a date because i knew that he would be

00:04:54.860 with someone else it was really bad really toxic this sounds very this is very pammy actually this

00:04:59.500 is quite family so i'm curious out of everyone here what who was anyone not on again off on again off

00:05:06.700 again with the guy well i would say for the 10 years we were consistent you're consistent in the first

00:05:12.380 four years we were on and off on and off i've never done the on and off thing so you were

00:05:16.460 you're completely on yeah i was on enough on and off i don't know i don't know um because he went

00:05:21.740 in jail it's a bit yeah undefined i guess do you think that women like instability because everyone's 1.00

00:05:30.380 for the most part everyone's ex doesn't sound stable i feel like we don't like it it's not really a

00:05:36.620 choice with them because there's no stable men there are my boyfriend is very stable but there

00:05:44.700 are a lot i'm very lucky with mine but there are a lot that aren't so i feel like if it was up to us

00:05:52.060 it would all be stable but there's two of us in it and always one is not stable you know what i mean

00:06:00.700 yeah but i mean as a young woman you have so much choice like there's so many men in the friend zone

00:06:05.020 that is very true you know are very stable but we never pick them we don't do i don't know why we

00:06:10.780 don't pick them and it's almost like there's like i don't know like a thrill of the ups and downs

00:06:15.020 like even with my ex i feel like part of the reason why i was even so attracted to him in the first place

00:06:20.700 is because like he's just unpredictable like you know them people that you can call them bad people

00:06:26.060 but they're only good to you it's that kind of a chat i don't know if you don't kind of understand

00:06:30.380 what i'm saying but it's like it it makes you feel like wow like makes you feel special yeah

00:06:36.300 i think women like a challenge when it comes to love i think they like to feel that they've got to 1.00

00:06:41.100 win the guy over i felt that in my younger days i sound like i'm really old now i'm not i'm still

00:06:46.780 i'm not old still young but you know it was that feeling of like feeling like in some way like when

00:06:52.140 with the ex you know when i saw him with somebody else it's like i want to win him back you know because

00:06:56.140 i felt like i had to prove that i was the better one you know i think that's that you can say that's

00:07:01.740 ego or your pride but i do feel there is i see it a lot yeah it's literally but i think it's attached

00:07:08.380 to a sense of worthiness that you don't feel worthy for love just to come easy to you that you have to

00:07:12.940 work for it and i know that i experienced that growing up with my mum um breaking up with my dad when

00:07:18.540 i was three and i swear to god that woman probably only in the past few years has got over him

00:07:24.620 it's taken a long time so i i i witnessed that my mum always sort of pining after 0.97

00:07:30.700 my dad in this roundabout way so that's where i learned that behavior from that feeling like love

00:07:36.460 had to be about pining for someone craving them rather than them just coming easy to you i feel

00:07:41.820 like there's um that's one way to look at it but from my experience like i have had something that's

00:07:46.780 like kind of up and down stuff and i feel like as women we when we get emotionally attached we kind of

00:07:53.180 feel like from my experience i'm like oh you know i know um that there might be some flaws in this

00:07:58.380 person but i've seen people change um they can change too i know the right way they just have

00:08:03.500 to see the right way and i really see people change yeah i've changed a lot and anyone can change i think

00:08:10.140 i feel like people get worse over time actually i actually don't think i don't know a single person

00:08:15.420 that's changed completely it depends which way you flip the coin and you can either come out

00:08:21.100 of a relationship better or it can drain you to the point where you feel worse than yourself it

00:08:25.660 depends about obviously the people that you are before you go there in the first place i mean i

00:08:29.660 think i hear a lot of people that say they changed but then i watch their relationships and they're

00:08:34.140 exactly the same i think traits are difficult to change but behaviors can be changed and mentality can

00:08:40.380 be changed as well because you have to like look at the um the personality traits and the behavior

00:08:45.660 causes and then you have to look at um like you have emotional logic and you have logical logic and

00:08:50.460 you have to choose which one suits um that situation at the time you know it's true yeah when

00:08:55.260 you say emotional logic okay example for example for example i'll use a situation with one of my

00:09:00.300 friends um we used to get into arguments because i would explain to them you have to um pay attention

00:09:06.060 to your emotions and you have to work through them that is logical it's using your emotions but

00:09:09.820 it's being logical and they were like no no no i don't need to um look at my emotions right now

00:09:13.580 i have things to focus on so on and so forth but the um unresolved emotions were getting in the way of

00:09:18.780 them it sorting out what they needed to sort out because they would just um go and lash out every

00:09:25.100 so often and this that that that that um i don't know if you look

00:09:38.860 you

JustPearlyThings - May 29, 2023

She Was In A Toxic Relationship For 15 YEARS!!!

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