JustPearlyThings - May 29, 2023


She Withheld S3x From Her Boyfriend For 5 Months


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

208.35568

Word Count

2,201

Sentence Count

206

Misogynist Sentences

7

Hate Speech Sentences

2


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Hungry sex.
00:00:00.880 But I don't think you can have sex if you're not fully in it anyway.
00:00:03.680 Well, that's me personally.
00:00:04.680 I don't know about you lot.
00:00:05.540 I'll do it just to let him shut up.
00:00:06.920 I'll give him five minutes.
00:00:08.760 I would.
00:00:09.160 I also think foreplay works.
00:00:10.860 I would.
00:00:12.220 He'd get you in the mood.
00:00:13.120 Any man could get you in the mood.
00:00:14.280 Yeah.
00:00:15.040 The right man.
00:00:15.720 No, the right man could get you in the mood.
00:00:17.400 Yeah.
00:00:17.760 Depend on how you feel.
00:00:18.800 Yeah.
00:00:19.060 But yeah, the general rule is if you want to eat, you have to prepare it.
00:00:25.460 Yeah.
00:00:26.100 Cook it.
00:00:27.600 Marinate your chicken before you cook it.
00:00:29.520 It's such an analogy.
00:00:31.000 How long do you think a guy, if he goes without sex, like, okay, I'm trying to phrase this
00:00:35.960 question.
00:00:36.560 So how long, let's say you haven't had sex with him in a month.
00:00:40.120 Is it acceptable for him to cheat?
00:00:42.040 No.
00:00:42.900 Like, at what point have you, like, not slept with your guy where it's kind of understandable
00:00:47.620 that he steps out?
00:00:48.500 Because we could agree probably that if you haven't slept with him in two years, he's probably
00:00:52.460 going to step out.
00:00:53.700 If my man don't sleep with me in a month, I think it's over.
00:00:56.020 I think he's finished with me.
00:00:57.760 I've got a question, actually, off the back of that.
00:00:59.940 No, it's not you.
00:01:00.760 It's like you not sleeping with him.
00:01:02.240 And all seriously, never.
00:01:03.600 Nah, I can't see it happening.
00:01:04.780 If a guy has been deprived for that long, like, get to the point of saying you've deprived
00:01:08.540 me for this long.
00:01:09.260 I feel like I need it and I'm going to get it.
00:01:12.620 Like, just talk to me.
00:01:15.100 Yeah.
00:01:15.340 Communication.
00:01:16.100 If he's addressed it to me and come to me and be like, look, this is how I'm feeling.
00:01:21.580 And I haven't tried, I think the same as an argument and I haven't tried to resolve it.
00:01:25.860 Yeah.
00:01:26.060 Resolve it.
00:01:26.660 At that point, leave me.
00:01:28.060 But that's, I feel like sex aside, it could be everything.
00:01:29.700 But it's not that simple for a lot of guys.
00:01:31.860 But maybe because they lose custody of their kids.
00:01:34.660 No, I think, I know, I agree, it's not that simple, but if you want me to answer the question
00:01:40.020 black and white, no, but in real life, everything's a little bit more complex than that.
00:01:45.380 So I get it.
00:01:46.260 There's exceptions of everything.
00:01:48.100 Well, yeah, and honestly, I just feel like even like me as a married person, like I've
00:01:53.020 told my husband this before, I don't feel like cheating is a deal breaker if, I just
00:02:00.360 don't feel like cheating.
00:02:01.180 I feel like you can literally work through anything.
00:02:03.860 I really do, but like, just to answer your question, no, no, no.
00:02:09.740 Yeah, but at least like two months.
00:02:12.180 Okay, two months.
00:02:12.940 Two months is...
00:02:13.940 Two months, okay.
00:02:14.940 No, at least, like, some people will be like, oh, we're having sex in two weeks.
00:02:20.220 Yeah, I was well saying, what are you doing?
00:02:20.940 But in what aspect are we, okay, so why wouldn't you be having sex with him?
00:02:25.380 Sometimes...
00:02:26.060 Whatever the reason.
00:02:26.940 Yeah, am I allowed to ask questions?
00:02:28.180 Some girls, some girls, yeah, you can, yeah.
00:02:29.740 Some girls do it to like control the guy.
00:02:32.340 Punish him, yeah.
00:02:33.460 That's sadistic.
00:02:34.780 I think sometimes...
00:02:35.780 Again, remember, one in four marriages are sexless.
00:02:38.260 I mean, maybe she didn't marry the guy she wanted and she's not really attracted to him anymore.
00:02:42.340 Yeah.
00:02:42.940 I mean, there's a million reasons.
00:02:44.340 I think if it started that way, then it's different.
00:02:46.580 If it's changed, like throughout, you need to look at what's changed it.
00:02:50.500 But sometimes it's also like where you are at mentally.
00:02:53.180 Yeah.
00:02:53.500 Yeah.
00:02:53.820 And if you're someone who like suffers from depression, that can affect how you feel sexually.
00:02:59.100 Yeah.
00:02:59.420 And unfortunately...
00:03:00.060 Depression is sorted.
00:03:01.500 And unfortunately, unfortunately, unfortunately, like it's not personal to your partner, but obviously it does affect your partner.
00:03:09.100 But you should be able to communicate clearly why you're feeling like you're feeling so that he doesn't feel iced out.
00:03:15.980 Because men will literally, if you go to Satchi and you're like, oh, he's going to feel iced out.
00:03:20.940 Yeah.
00:03:21.260 And then hopefully you have a compassionate partner.
00:03:23.740 I mean, I just don't know what you could tell him.
00:03:25.500 Like, baby, we're not going to have sex for three months, but this is how I'm feeling.
00:03:28.860 Yeah.
00:03:29.180 Yes.
00:03:29.580 Well, can you understand?
00:03:31.260 Well, mine did.
00:03:32.060 I think foundationally what helps is if both people in the relationship can agree that if we haven't had sex in a while, there's actually a problem.
00:03:41.900 Because one might not see it like the woman that is withholding sex, she might not see as a problem.
00:03:46.380 But if we can agree that I don't feel, I have not felt like having sex with you for like over a week or two weeks, she within herself should be able to say, I may not know why, but this is definitely a problem.
00:03:59.820 Yeah, but you always know why, you just need to dig deep.
00:04:03.820 Like, I knew why and at first I was like, oh, I'm not too sure.
00:04:07.580 And then I did and I told him, I was like, this is why.
00:04:10.060 And he was, we have an open, not open relationship in terms of other people, but in terms of like openly communicating.
00:04:16.620 I don't feel like no one should be having sex if you can't talk about sex.
00:04:20.380 You certainly shouldn't be having, being in a relationship, you can't talk about sex with your partner and why you don't have sex or what you like, what you don't like, etc, etc.
00:04:27.900 And hopefully the person that you have respect you as a human being and says, okay, I can see why you're going through that.
00:04:34.300 Like, do you know how long?
00:04:35.500 And if you can honestly say, look, I don't know how I'm going to feel.
00:04:38.780 If that person then turns around and says, well, I feel like at least wait a certain time period before you go.
00:04:45.900 Okay, it's been a while.
00:04:47.660 Is anything changing?
00:04:48.700 No, the woman should get proactive about it.
00:04:51.020 Can I just ask a question?
00:04:53.100 What is the longest has any of us been without sex in a relationship and who stopped it?
00:05:00.380 What's the longest you've been in your relationship without sex?
00:05:03.820 So I, can I, yeah, I just jumped in.
00:05:11.260 Sorry, I don't know if anyone else.
00:05:13.340 Okay, I don't.
00:05:17.100 So one of my exes was anorexic.
00:05:20.620 He had an eating disorder.
00:05:22.940 And I used to hate sleeping with him because I could feel his hip bones and it used to make me feel
00:05:27.820 uncomfortable. It would hurt and it put me off and trying to help someone overcome that and support them.
00:05:38.140 But also trying to be intimate with them when you're not feeling it because it physically hurts is a hard thing to stay in.
00:05:44.940 So, um, that was not a very sexy relationship.
00:05:49.420 So how long was it?
00:05:51.100 That was a year and a bit.
00:05:53.100 No, I mean, how long you got without sex?
00:05:55.180 No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:05:56.300 Because he started, he started gaining.
00:05:59.580 I couldn't do that to myself.
00:06:02.780 Wait, did you cheat on him?
00:06:03.980 No, I've never, I've never, I couldn't.
00:06:07.580 If I'm either in or I'm out, I don't run around in gray areas.
00:06:11.500 I don't, it's just not how I roll.
00:06:13.420 So for me that we weren't intimate for about a good, it was like on and off because some,
00:06:21.500 I'm trying to think probably about a good four or five months.
00:06:24.140 But just to clarify.
00:06:25.020 Wait, you didn't, you didn't have sex with him for four or five months?
00:06:27.420 Yeah.
00:06:27.820 And it's because you didn't want to.
00:06:29.740 Did he know the reason why?
00:06:32.460 I had to be honest in the end.
00:06:34.700 Do you think if the roles were reversed that you would have like taken that okay?
00:06:38.700 And you know what, it's interesting you're saying that.
00:06:41.420 I called myself out on it today because my friend said to me that a guy she was with
00:06:46.540 made a comment about her weight in the bedroom.
00:06:49.020 And it made me reflect and think, God, I've done that to a guy.
00:06:52.940 And I thought, who the hell am I to say that?
00:06:57.980 I felt bad.
00:06:59.740 But then he asked me why.
00:07:01.100 And I don't lie.
00:07:02.220 You know, I'm going to be honest with you if we're in a relationship.
00:07:06.780 And, um,
00:07:07.820 How did he respond?
00:07:09.100 Yeah.
00:07:09.820 It was hard for him, but then he actually got well.
00:07:12.540 Like he started training in the gym.
00:07:14.060 He started eating properly.
00:07:15.260 We cooked together.
00:07:16.060 Like that's why I think that I came into his life to help him with that.
00:07:19.420 It's really interesting, like the, it's like, it seems like men can accept criticism a lot better
00:07:24.860 than women.
00:07:25.340 Oh, Carl, you know.
00:07:26.300 It was hard for him.
00:07:27.180 Don't get it wrong, but he did really well.
00:07:28.620 I'm not being funny.
00:07:28.700 If you told overweight women that in the bedroom, they're going to swing out.
00:07:31.580 How dare you?
00:07:32.220 Guys, would you not get offended if your man was picking something, especially in the bedroom?
00:07:36.380 Yeah.
00:07:36.940 Which is why I felt really bad when she told me that story, because it made me think,
00:07:40.300 you know what?
00:07:40.780 I did that to someone and I didn't mean it in a malicious way.
00:07:43.900 No.
00:07:44.380 Well, you should have told him.
00:07:45.020 Because he asked me the question.
00:07:46.300 He asked me the truth.
00:07:47.260 He said, tell me.
00:07:48.380 I don't really, I don't really felt like, I mean, I just think four or five months.
00:07:51.900 That's a long time to not.
00:07:53.100 I didn't just come out with it in a very blunt way.
00:07:55.500 I was diplomatic.
00:07:56.700 Yeah, but I don't think you needed to wait four or five months.
00:08:00.140 I don't think you needed to wait four or five months.
00:08:02.220 You don't have to hear people.
00:08:06.380 If I'm going to be really honest, it spiritually attacked me as well.
00:08:10.060 It didn't, it didn't just get me physically.
00:08:11.820 It made me feel when I'm the kind of person, when I'm involved with someone, I take on everything,
00:08:17.100 like their emotions, their aura, like I feel.
00:08:21.500 I just want to ask.
00:08:22.540 So was you not attracted to him anymore because of that?
00:08:25.980 But when you got together, you said this is what he was like.
00:08:29.580 So surely you would know.
00:08:30.940 I was attracted to him.
00:08:32.540 It was painful to have sex with him because of his hip bones.
00:08:36.620 Sorry.
00:08:36.860 I thought you said you wasn't finding it attractive.
00:08:39.340 Sorry.
00:08:39.740 Okay.
00:08:40.060 It's also the.
00:08:41.340 It wasn't sexy.
00:08:42.300 Yeah.
00:08:42.620 So what's the longest?
00:08:44.460 I'm waiting to hear from a video.
00:08:45.740 She's five months.
00:08:46.940 No, no, I mean each person.
00:08:48.620 What's the longest?
00:08:49.340 Each person is.
00:08:50.300 I don't know, two days.
00:08:51.420 I haven't even been watching.
00:08:53.180 Like not even 48 hours.
00:08:56.620 Yeah, like two days.
00:08:57.500 No, that's what I meant because if you're in a relationship,
00:09:03.660 I can't see myself going five months.
00:09:04.940 Do you know what?
00:09:05.340 Yeah, it depends on the person.
00:09:06.460 I think if you start, no, if you used to a close,
00:09:09.340 me personally, after a couple of days, I'm like, what's wrong?
00:09:11.740 Yeah, yeah, me too.
00:09:12.300 I've got to say something after a couple of days.
00:09:13.580 Yeah, yeah, me too.
00:09:14.060 Intimacy is a big part of a relationship for me.
00:09:16.140 I think it's easy.
00:09:16.780 I think it's easier to go longer if when you're not living together.
00:09:20.140 Like me and my partner wasn't living together.
00:09:22.140 So yeah, that's why it probably had that time.
00:09:27.660 But if we were living together, I 100% believe it would have been sooner.
00:09:31.980 Yeah.
00:09:32.540 So can I answer your question though?
00:09:34.140 You know, when you said, oh, if your man commented on your body in the bedroom,
00:09:37.820 wouldn't you be offended?
00:09:39.180 I wouldn't.
00:09:39.820 Oh, no.
00:09:40.940 I mean, I wouldn't like, I just do something about it.
00:09:44.620 It depends on what they say though, and how they say it.
00:09:47.660 And I think it's also the heart behind it as well.
00:09:49.820 Well, no, yours as, as well as the heart, sorry, as well as the heart,
00:09:55.500 because I trust my husband.
00:09:57.500 So anything that he says, I know it's not like malicious, but also my husband is a bit
00:10:03.420 of an enemy of my progress because I want to lose weight.
00:10:07.260 And he's very like, oh, but you look amazing.
00:10:09.420 But sometimes I just feel like if your partner says, oh yeah,
00:10:12.380 I'd love if you like toned up, it gives you that extra motivation to go tone up.
00:10:15.820 Do you know what I mean?
00:10:16.300 I think there's a, there's a way of going around it.
00:10:18.460 So it's not like, oh, when you was,
00:10:20.780 when we was doing this and I felt this, there's ways around it.
00:10:25.580 Now my mama just say you're fat, you've got a buddy.
00:10:27.660 Do you think about it?
00:10:28.620 I was just going straight up.
00:10:30.460 Yeah, but yeah, I just think.
00:10:31.580 You've got that kind of straight forward.
00:10:33.260 Yeah.