JustPearlyThings - February 08, 2023


Shocking FACTS About Relationships


Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

213.30148

Word count

2,709

Sentence count

256

Harmful content

Misogyny

11

sentences flagged

Hate speech

12

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about who wears the pants in a relationship and why it's important to have someone in charge in order to make the decisions. We also talk about what it means to be a woman in a male-dominated world and how important it is to have a man in charge.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 So what happens in, like, a lesbian relationship, then? 0.98
00:00:03.580 I don't know.
00:00:04.900 Well, again, like, I think to be clear, everything that was said...
00:00:07.340 Everything that was said is fine for relationships.
00:00:10.540 There's not, like, a masculine-feminine.
00:00:12.440 Like, what you started talking about, you're going to talk to your partner.
00:00:14.460 You're going to make sure that they understand where you're coming from.
00:00:16.060 Hopefully you love each other and you know each other.
00:00:17.820 Hopefully you both have each other's best interests at heart.
00:00:19.980 And then you advise on that.
00:00:20.680 But I just think at the end of the day, someone wears the pants.
00:00:22.720 Like, someone's leading and someone's following.
00:00:24.320 It's like...
00:00:25.040 No, no, no.
00:00:25.480 And sometimes...
00:00:26.040 Wait, and sometimes it's reversed.
00:00:28.120 But at some point, like, you have to trust someone's leadership.
00:00:31.440 It's going to depend on the domain that you guys are experts in, right?
00:00:34.560 So you said you were a mechanic, right?
00:00:36.880 So I'm guessing that traditionally men are going to have the say over the car because men tend to know.
00:00:41.240 But I'm guessing you probably know more than your husband does, right?
00:00:43.340 If he comes back with a 50-pound bill for blinker fluid, you're probably going to...
00:00:46.920 You're probably going to make fun of him, right?
00:00:49.160 But you know something, right?
00:00:51.020 As Pearl knows, and as you most probably know, yes, I'm a mechanic.
00:00:55.160 But he's more stable-minded than me.
00:01:00.380 And as you know from the shit car that I picked you up in, right?
00:01:04.460 Because I must have been having a blind, non-mechanic, feminine moment where I just went in and asked for the cheapest car with four doors.
00:01:13.100 And you saw it.
00:01:13.940 The car's a piece of shit.
00:01:15.220 It's for somebody single.
00:01:16.440 It's not for somebody who's got three grandchildren because three grandchildren, he fills the car.
00:01:19.800 But whereas, he hasn't seen the car yet because I didn't discuss it with him.
00:01:24.020 And he's going to look at me and say, why did you get that car?
00:01:27.900 Yes, I could take it back.
00:01:29.720 But I've decided to punish myself for being such a stupid woman and choosing such a stupid car when I was feeling in my most feminine moment. 0.61
00:01:39.780 So, yeah, I can do that.
00:01:41.900 But whereas, even though I'm a trained mechanic, you know, my nails, and there's certain things that he will do in the car.
00:01:49.800 No, I won't say that.
00:01:50.600 Most of the things he will do.
00:01:51.820 I always say your brake light needs to do it.
00:01:53.320 But he expects me to do the brake light.
00:01:54.960 Sure.
00:01:55.160 Because I'm trying to do just the brake light.
00:01:56.820 I'm just saying that in every relationship, like, both sides are going to know more things than the other side.
00:02:01.840 But, like, so there are going to be some things where the husband is going to have, like, the grand authority, but not because he's the man.
00:02:06.860 But just because that's the stuff that he knows about, because the woman has, like, the authority, because she knows about it.
00:02:11.780 I agree with you, but the last decision, you see, with me, we would discuss stuff.
00:02:18.980 And I will say this, and he will say that, and then I might be right, and he'll say, you know what, go with you.
00:02:26.520 Or he might be right, and I'll say, go with you.
00:02:29.460 But if we come to a stalemate, me, I will say, you know what, we're going to go with you because the decision is all yours.
00:02:35.680 Because if the shit hits the fan, me as a bitch woman, I will say, you know what, you made that decision. 1.00
00:02:41.320 So the final decision is always his.
00:02:44.180 Whether he agrees with me or whether I agree with him, I prefer the final decision to be his because he has to deal with it.
00:02:55.180 I just think, personally, the ideal situation is when you're with a guy that you can trust his decision-making.
00:03:00.020 And I think the girls, and the girls that I see where they wear the pants in their relationship, they're miserable.
00:03:05.260 Oh my God, they're miserable.
00:03:06.480 It just depends on the thing.
00:03:08.140 Like, there are plenty of women where guys wear the pants, and they're miserable, too. 0.99
00:03:11.560 There are lots of people in miserable relationships.
00:03:13.940 Does it happen both ways?
00:03:15.420 Sure, at times.
00:03:16.420 I've just seen, I think that when women wear the pants, they're miserable. 1.00
00:03:19.960 What I don't understand in a relationship, can I just say, why does someone have to wear the pants?
00:03:26.280 Why can't we make decisions together?
00:03:28.900 Why can't we make decisions together?
00:03:32.300 Like he said, if you have more expertise in that field, say, okay, like, if I'm trying to make a decision with my man now, I know about properties, right?
00:03:43.060 Like, say he doesn't know anything about properties, I'm going to be like, oh, babe, because I've bought a property, this is what I'm going to tell you.
00:03:49.460 And because he's probably, like, men know more about cars.
00:03:52.300 I don't know about cars.
00:03:53.380 I will never tell my man anything about cars.
00:03:57.460 Because I assume, because men seem to know more about cars, and if he has a nice car, he's been driving for a long time, I'm going to think, you know what?
00:04:06.080 That's his field.
00:04:07.260 Why does it have to be someone wear the pants?
00:04:09.660 Do you know something, right?
00:04:10.700 That's what women fail to understand. 1.00
00:04:13.320 When they hear about a submissive woman, do I look like a woman that just does what her man says? 0.97
00:04:20.000 No.
00:04:20.800 I want to take, for instance, you.
00:04:22.680 My man is a saver.
00:04:25.260 I like to invest in property.
00:04:27.780 He has got more money in the bank than me.
00:04:30.520 I have got more properties than him.
00:04:33.320 And even when it comes to getting properties, he was a saver.
00:04:36.980 He was like, no, I need to save money or whatever.
00:04:38.380 And I was like, this is what I think.
00:04:39.400 You know what he said?
00:04:40.060 Go with it.
00:04:41.300 Do you know what?
00:04:41.800 I was right.
00:04:43.220 It doesn't make a difference.
00:04:45.120 Because he made the final decision.
00:04:47.700 Because a selfish man, a man that just wants to feel all full of himself, would just go with what he wants.
00:04:54.540 And we're not talking about the lady in the red coat.
00:04:56.320 I'm sorry.
00:04:56.860 We're not talking about that.
00:04:58.020 We're talking about where you've got a man that leads.
00:05:01.600 And a proper man.
00:05:02.860 When you've got a man that you can trust, he will take into account what you said.
00:05:07.060 He will take into account what he says.
00:05:09.240 And he will weigh up the pros and cons.
00:05:11.220 And he will come out with the best decision for you.
00:05:13.860 Whether it means you side with him or whether it means it sides with you.
00:05:18.580 And if he's not sure, he will either say, you know what?
00:05:22.000 If he's a stubborn, big-headed, bullish man, he will say, you know what?
00:05:25.320 My name rules, so I'm going to go.
00:05:27.260 No.
00:05:27.740 When I was talking about buying a property, my man didn't agree with me.
00:05:30.740 And I explained, you know what?
00:05:31.960 This, this, this, this, this.
00:05:33.120 But it seemed like an impossibility to him in his mind as a natural saver.
00:05:37.720 But he was like, do you know what?
00:05:39.420 Go for it.
00:05:40.520 Now we've got the properties.
00:05:42.100 He's got the money.
00:05:42.900 I haven't got no money.
00:05:44.260 If I need money, I'll go to him.
00:05:45.960 But on paper, I've got more money.
00:05:48.740 But in reality, he's got more cash.
00:05:51.440 So you just don't go with a man just because.
00:05:53.780 Because a lot of women think that, oh, I might know more about this, but he's the man.
00:05:58.300 He has to make the final decision.
00:05:59.740 That's like a respect.
00:06:01.200 If a man respects you, he will take into account your decisions, your research, your qualifications,
00:06:08.680 before he makes the final decision.
00:06:11.300 And if a man is going to go with all your knowledge, all your experience, all your decision-making,
00:06:16.720 and what you've been doing for a lifetime and go against it.
00:06:19.840 But don't you think you're talking about skills in a man?
00:06:23.140 That is a man that has lived, a man that's matured, a man that has had relationships,
00:06:27.960 learned about himself and others.
00:06:29.640 We're talking about men in their 20s and 30s that have yet to become.
00:06:33.820 Exactly.
00:06:34.260 And I think it's.
00:06:34.740 So we cannot, we cannot have the same attitude at all.
00:06:37.860 You're talking generationally completely different.
00:06:40.180 I think it's so.
00:06:40.500 The value base is completely different.
00:06:42.180 The way that they are raised are different.
00:06:43.880 You are, your expectations for our 2023 men that have been raised with sometimes very little foundation,
00:06:51.040 you're expecting so much for them to have all of these qualities that your man of X years
00:06:56.600 and X age and big, big age are having.
00:06:59.880 I think the point is to pick a good man that you can use.
00:07:03.200 100%, but what I'm talking about, we're here now, we're here trying to find this good man.
00:07:08.120 In the Mecca, we're like, oh no, the nonsense is happening.
00:07:12.480 I want to ask a question.
00:07:13.720 Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:07:17.280 I've been listening to, like, I haven't even said nothing for ages, you know,
00:07:20.840 like, at the end of the day, it comes down to who you pick.
00:07:23.600 Yeah.
00:07:23.920 100%.
00:07:24.160 It comes down to who you pick.
00:07:25.320 So you can say all of this, oh yeah, we're trying to find these good men.
00:07:29.500 At what age are you trying to find these good men?
00:07:31.280 Where are you trying to find them as well?
00:07:32.780 Can I just say something, Kim Riches? 1.00
00:07:34.240 Yeah.
00:07:35.040 Right?
00:07:36.340 You're saying about picking.
00:07:38.580 The problem that I find nowadays is that the women's picking. 1.00
00:07:41.700 Don't let the women pick. 1.00
00:07:42.800 The men's supposed to pick. 1.00
00:07:44.280 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
00:07:45.060 Hold on.
00:07:45.600 The men's supposed to pick. 1.00
00:07:46.780 It's what, Camilla?
00:07:48.300 Yeah.
00:07:48.640 Yeah, the problem is at 25, there are no men like this, okay?
00:07:52.120 If you're a 22-year-old woman, you're not going to find a 25-year-old guy 0.99
00:07:54.920 that's ready to take charge and lead everything.
00:07:56.600 That's not true.
00:07:57.300 No, that is absolutely true.
00:07:59.940 That's not true.
00:08:01.000 I'm so sorry.
00:08:02.200 I know there are a lot of children on this panel, but you're not going to find a 25-year-old
00:08:05.600 guy that has all of it.
00:08:06.540 When the average kid gets out of school today at like 22, 23 years old, you're thinking,
00:08:10.900 when in England do you finish college?
00:08:12.820 Wait, 18?
00:08:14.180 No, you don't.
00:08:15.040 University?
00:08:15.500 University, 25.
00:08:16.800 Okay, I'm sorry.
00:08:17.620 We call it different things in America.
00:08:18.720 Yeah, if in university, if you finish that at 22, 23, there's no way.
00:08:21.840 21.
00:08:22.940 21.
00:08:23.280 That's if you do a full degree.
00:08:25.000 At 24, 25, as a man, you are not going to have all the faculty that you will when you reach
00:08:30.920 30, 35.
00:08:31.780 You don't have that lived experience yet to know what it's like to lead a household,
00:08:35.180 to live a life, to exist in like the world and to navigate it in a responsible way.
00:08:39.240 I'm sorry.
00:08:39.380 I disagree with you.
00:08:40.140 I disagree.
00:08:40.200 I disagree.
00:08:40.500 It's funny that you guys are the first ones to say that we have two high expectations
00:08:44.340 and then come and tell us that we're not picking the right men and that we're just picking
00:08:47.500 irresponsible men.
00:08:48.460 You can date an older guy.
00:08:51.100 If you think that you need a 35-year-old guy, go date one.
00:08:53.740 That's a quick fix.
00:08:53.920 You could.
00:08:54.420 It's a quick fix.
00:08:55.180 Nah, I'm all right.
00:08:55.920 Come on, man.
00:08:56.440 But what if we're not attracted to older men?
00:08:57.620 What did you say?
00:08:58.400 What did you say?
00:08:58.880 I want a young man just like myself so we can relate together.
00:09:05.000 Again, like I don't want a leader.
00:09:06.880 So relate and struggle then.
00:09:08.120 You guys keep talking about how you need a man to lead.
00:09:11.920 I already know myself.
00:09:13.700 I'm an adult.
00:09:14.920 You know, I've spent a lot of time with myself.
00:09:17.440 I am in tune with myself.
00:09:19.800 What I want is partnership.
00:09:21.400 Yes, my lord.
00:09:22.040 I want a man that we can actually share experiences together rather than a leader.
00:09:28.480 Yeah, I think the problem is when I listen to Pearl and Rich is an auntie, a little bit,
00:09:31.760 mainly you two guys, it feels like you guys are saying that women need to look for fathers.
00:09:35.000 That's right.
00:09:35.500 I ain't looking for no daddy, baby.
00:09:37.280 Can I say something?
00:09:38.180 Can I just say something?
00:09:43.500 When I met my man, we were both in our 20s.
00:09:46.320 Thank you.
00:09:46.800 But in the 80s.
00:09:47.760 We were both in our 20s.
00:09:49.020 In the 80s.
00:09:49.480 And the thing is, it's in the 80s.
00:09:51.320 But if you had the same standards now, which I have met some really good young men that had
00:09:58.640 the same standards as my man have.
00:10:00.800 But you know what?
00:10:01.580 The women don't want them because they're average men. 1.00
00:10:03.360 Well, all your videos, everybody's videos.
00:10:06.140 The women want above average. 1.00
00:10:07.780 Auntie, can I add something?
00:10:09.040 So what is it?
00:10:09.640 When I met my man, I was average.
00:10:12.580 He was average.
00:10:13.360 He was sexy as hell and all the young girls wanted him.
00:10:15.960 Do you know what I mean?
00:10:16.500 But we were both average people.
00:10:19.500 And he was always sensible from young.
00:10:22.540 But you're sounding like I need to settle.
00:10:23.460 Why can't I want amazing?
00:10:25.320 No.
00:10:25.500 Why do I not deserve amazing?
00:10:26.480 This is the thing.
00:10:27.100 This is the thing.
00:10:27.740 Why do I not deserve?
00:10:28.560 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:10:29.620 You can want what you want.
00:10:30.780 But can you get it is the question.
00:10:32.120 Can I tell you something?
00:10:32.700 My man is amazing.
00:10:34.520 He's always been amazing.
00:10:36.160 He was amazing when I'm older than him.
00:10:38.820 He was amazing when he was young.
00:10:40.360 That was a bit shady, pal.
00:10:41.160 And he was amazing old.
00:10:42.760 It's not shady.
00:10:43.260 It's like, why aren't they perfect?
00:10:47.120 It's like, I know it's perfect.
00:10:48.360 But it's like everybody's saying, I need to have it as average.
00:10:50.640 As average.
00:10:51.220 Why?
00:10:51.560 I ain't average.
00:10:52.660 I am not average.
00:10:54.160 I'm going to let you know right now.
00:10:55.060 What makes you not average?
00:10:56.600 Because if I look at my age mates, my successes, my achievements, my personality, my drive,
00:11:02.800 my motivation is unmatched.
00:11:05.200 Can I just say something for once?
00:11:07.600 Are you a single parent?
00:11:09.340 I am a single parent.
00:11:09.920 You're average.
00:11:10.460 I'm average.
00:11:11.120 You're average.
00:11:11.840 Can you ask me why I was a single parent?
00:11:15.320 Can you ask me why I'm a single parent?
00:11:17.220 I'm a divorcee.
00:11:18.280 I'm a divorcee.
00:11:19.600 I'm a man.
00:11:20.100 I was a single parent.
00:11:21.900 But you assume why I'm a single parent.
00:11:23.600 You think I just woke up and I bred and I'm a single mom.
00:11:26.900 That's not how it happened.
00:11:27.560 I'm not assuming that.
00:11:28.060 I did all that.
00:11:28.780 I did all that.
00:11:29.400 I did all that.
00:11:29.880 Can I talk and talk really quickly, going back to what we were saying before?
00:11:32.880 It's just that because sometimes as a single parent, because you've been in a relationship
00:11:36.180 and you've been there before, you've got different expectations.
00:11:39.040 No, I'm saying I didn't start as a single parent.
00:11:41.060 I met my husband and I had a child.
00:11:42.960 Nobody meets as a single parent.
00:11:45.040 I really don't like the way you guys assume things about single parents.
00:11:47.420 My man was a single parent.
00:11:49.220 I'm not just going against the women.
00:11:51.180 My man was a single parent too.
00:11:53.500 My man was also a single parent.
00:11:54.680 So does that make her average because she's a single parent?
00:11:56.920 Guys, why is average an insult?
00:11:59.060 What is wrong with average?
00:12:01.000 Can I add something to me?
00:12:04.620 Wait, there's how many people in here?
00:12:06.660 Wait, eight?
00:12:07.820 Most of us are average.
00:12:08.960 Most people are average.
00:12:10.300 Can I say something?
00:12:11.060 And when you're talking about drive, that's not things that men look for.
00:12:14.060 Oh, shit.
00:12:14.160 I got it?
00:12:14.580 Well, shit.
00:12:14.600 Well, shit.
00:12:15.020 I got it.
00:12:15.240 Well, shit.
00:12:16.500 Well, shit.
00:12:16.800 Well, shit, man.
00:12:17.520 Well, shit.
00:12:18.780 Well, shit.
00:12:19.620 I got it.
00:12:20.680 Well, shit.
00:12:20.960 Well, shit, man.
00:12:22.040 Well, shit.
00:12:22.680 Well, shit, man was going with that name.
00:12:24.580 Well, shit.
00:12:30.620 I got it.
00:12:30.820 I got it.
00:12:39.220 I got it.
00:12:39.760 I got it.
00:12:41.120 , yeah, yeah.