JustPearlyThings - Single Mother Calls Herself TRADITIONAL

00:00:00.000 information and then like you keep contradicting yourself and i think the reason is is because i

00:00:04.980 am a clash of cultures so i am very you know obviously i'm bagnadeshi british muslim and i

00:00:10.540 think the modern side is what is me what i'm fighting against does that make sense so the

00:00:15.840 more i'm realizing actually i'm not this modern woman is the more comfortable i'm getting in who

00:00:19.700 i am i don't i don't think you can really go back like i don't think you can really claim

00:00:24.480 traditional if you're separated from your like your husband it's no when i say traditional i

00:00:29.340 say traditional in my values in my morals not that i'm i'm i'm gonna stick in a marriage that i'm

00:00:33.980 unhappy in because i'm a traditional woman it's more i know what i want for myself and i know that

00:00:38.760 this right but like that rhetoric right there that sounds very modern well can i just say again

00:00:43.980 all i'm hearing is i i i i not and i'm not trying to personalize it to you it's just that you're

00:00:49.820 speaking and a lot of the things that have been said today are i based and in relationships in

00:00:55.780 marriage it's about partnership working together and we're not nobody's perfect sometimes sometimes

00:01:03.040 you make mistakes and you have to work through it and with i'm not married i've never been married and

00:01:10.600 i think it's easy for me to talk on it you know from a perspective but when you've got a child

00:01:17.160 involved your feelings involved you know finances involved whatever it might be work involved your

00:01:22.300 friends involved you you have to kind of peel back on all of the factors that influence you

00:01:28.640 and look at the bare bones of the relationship which is you your child and your partner and

00:01:34.940 literally zone in on that and make that your priority wait i've got a question i've got a

00:01:41.020 question quickly just a kind of caveat of it yeah yeah so on that note you're talking about i i do you

00:01:45.880 would you say that the modern woman is is selfish then yes because it because society allows that 1.00

00:01:52.440 to be the case because it's about what you want is it what the woman wants i don't think that's the

00:01:57.480 case for every woman because i've been very selfless in relationships i've got nothing back

00:02:02.680 right exactly so but how can i be selfish no no no but when kids are involved you kind of have to be selfish

00:02:08.280 so sorry to cut you off yeah yeah that's all right selfish like how though when kids are involved

00:02:13.720 well like your kids are your priority so it's like regardless of what how anybody feels like

00:02:18.120 your child is your priority isn't the priority to stay in that relationship with two parents

00:02:21.480 no my priority is to take care of my child yeah yeah so that's but that's that's being selfless

00:02:27.560 like when you have a kid it's not supposed to be about you anymore it's about your kid

00:02:31.240 your happiness but that's exactly i think unless you're in like extenuating circumstances where you

00:02:35.800 are getting abused or yeah yeah i'm with you i'm with you if your child if your child's in danger

00:02:41.400 yeah i i agree yeah but that's not that's not the majority of cases if the child's not in danger

00:02:45.880 you need to try working out together but that's exactly what like for example my daughter doesn't 0.89

00:02:50.760 know we're separate my daughter hasn't experienced anything different when she sees us she sees

00:02:55.160 us very amicable and she she doesn't know anything different so when i say no we don't live in the

00:03:01.320 same house okay but when i say that when i say i'm putting my daughter first that's the reason why

00:03:07.000 i'm not chasing another man or chasing another relationship because the most beneficial one is

00:03:12.120 me and her father but like so you keep kind of contradicting yourself and you did it again just

00:03:17.240 here there because you said your daughter you don't live in the same house but your daughter

00:03:21.000 doesn't know anything's up yeah she may not at five but she will yeah and when and so and so

00:03:27.320 she might not understand it but you you can't say that it's like she's not going to notice that her

00:03:31.960 dad or her mom isn't in the home no but i'm not saying there's my my dad used to work here while my

00:03:37.560 my family were back home my dad wasn't present in their lives every single day and i think that's

00:03:42.600 another big misconception that a parent or a dad has to be at home every single day it's a cultural

00:03:47.880 thing yeah exactly did it affect you and not having him there all the time no no not at all i love my dad

00:03:53.560 like my dad was an amazing man an amazing father figure amazing that's why i can't trash men because

00:03:57.960 i have so much respect for my you don't think it would have been better if your dad was there a bit

00:04:01.160 often you spent more time i'm just i'm just thinking about pearl and their dads no no yeah my dad

00:04:08.360 my dad was gone my dad was gone a lot too and i'd say like it did affect me like i yeah i mean i would

00:04:14.600 have been better if he was there i still love him and i respect him more than anything but like i think it

00:04:18.840 would be dumb to say i didn't want my dad around more do you think it would have changed your

00:04:24.040 perspective on you because you said that you battle being traditional western do you think if your dad

00:04:28.600 was there more that you'd be a lot more traditional than western no i think the problem with me was when

00:04:34.200 i went to uni and i came out of my traditional or my culture the bubble so i think that bubble protected

00:04:40.200 me for so long and i wish i stayed in it a bit longer because the trauma only came when i thought oh let

00:04:45.480 me experience a bit of life can i just say this do you think your dad being present in your life

00:04:51.640 when you were growing up would help you manage your situation right now with your husband better

00:04:56.600 because he would have been able to advise you or even now i don't know what your relationship is like

00:05:02.280 now but he would be able to guide you or even have an impact on you in a way that would allow you

00:05:08.520 to manage the situation better i don't i feel like i'm managing the situation well compared to what

00:05:15.480 society will tell me because there's a lot of people that will tell me why are you even investing

00:05:19.000 any more time or why are you even allowing this dynamics because a lot of people say oh close book

00:05:24.280 and rush out that's why girls give the worst advice i i don't i don't think you could say you're 0.98

00:05:29.080 managing it well unless you're still with him can i just no it's like it's it's not you can't it's like

00:05:34.280 when i say that's like that's like that's like like failing a test and saying you got no when

00:05:38.600 i say managing it well i'm saying about i'm respecting his values or views in where he is in

00:05:44.680 life i'm respecting that he's not ready to commit to the marriage and children yet because he feels

00:05:50.360 like he can't be that responsible why did you get married no wait wait before before that before that

00:05:56.360 sorry i'm so proud of you like we can all see how much like you love your daughter how much you're

00:06:00.680 trying to make this work like his life is hard you know like no no no no wait wait wait wait wait

00:06:04.920 she only got here she only got here because she cheated the cheap because before we said yeah that 1.00

00:06:09.320 ah women women said they like the truth in it your husband told you the truth saying that i may 0.98

00:06:14.920 potentially want to step out on you yeah and that's what started this whole debacle of problems of

00:06:20.840 relationship so him being honest is kind of why you're here isn't it initially it was the my ex

00:06:26.360 cheating that was the issue but you said you had help for that trauma you said you had that trauma

00:06:30.600 no no no that's something i've gone in later like say within the last year because it seems to me like

00:06:35.880 you and your husband split because of something that he might do in the future yeah and that was

00:06:40.760 me looking back at myself saying i was the fault of that so that was me taking accountability

00:06:45.480 are you now saying that as a young woman that traditional is the way to go 100 thank you 100 i'm i will

00:06:54.680 i believe in traditional roles i believe i just believe that this society doesn't enable that

00:06:58.760 and a lot of my anger as well even in my relationship was the fact that i had to work

00:07:02.600 and i had to do things that a woman shouldn't necessarily do because society now is too expensive 1.00

00:07:09.000 i don't think can i just say that society though can i just say that traditional women always work 1.00

00:07:19.240 you asked your mom how she worked just because she didn't read the house yeah exactly so we're doing

00:07:22.920 the housework and then more she's talking about career i'm talking about career but i'm saying

00:07:26.360 that it all depends on how you see it no 100 and also if you and your husband wouldn't it be

00:07:33.640 better if you both got a flat with three bedrooms and worked out two separate rooms that's the thing

00:07:39.960 money is the issue so if money wasn't an issue of course we could have a mansion and we could

00:07:44.840 no i'm just saying is it is it there is to live apart than to live together yeah uh yes

00:07:52.600 i would it's just easier for now because obviously where we're not not easier i'm talking about

00:07:58.840 cheaper is it cheaper to live separately or is it would it be cheaper to live together it's just not

00:08:04.600 a position we're at now because we're only i've only just healed could you just answer that yes or no

00:08:09.080 is it cheaper to live apart it's probably it's cheaper to live together it's cheaper to live

00:08:12.760 together but obviously if i'm not like i've only gone through my counseling and having to learn about

00:08:17.240 myself in the last year and a half that time i was alone if that makes sense if i'd never done that

00:08:22.200 i would never have gone through counseling or learn about myself and what and i've learned and i think

00:08:27.000 the thing is i had an amazing father figure i had an amazing childhood with my dad and my dad not

00:08:32.680 being there he was there you know him not being there for parts isn't impacted me at all my

00:08:38.200 relationship was amazing there was other things that happened when i was a child that made it more

00:08:43.480 difficult if that makes sense in me in my longer lifelong marriage and i think once i then went

00:08:49.800 counseling for that i then realized actually there was a lot of me that had to heal before i even took

00:08:56.440 that step can i just give you a bit of advice as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we

00:09:02.440 are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform if you want to help please consider sending a super

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JustPearlyThings - May 27, 2023

Single Mother Calls Herself TRADITIONAL

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