Single Mother Calls Herself TRADITIONAL
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
211.51799
Summary
In this episode, we discuss what it means to be a modern woman in the modern world and how it affects our relationships with our children. We also discuss the role of fathers in our children's lives and how they affect the way we grow up.
Transcript
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information and then like you keep contradicting yourself and i think the reason is is because i
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am a clash of cultures so i am very you know obviously i'm bagnadeshi british muslim and i
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think the modern side is what is me what i'm fighting against does that make sense so the
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more i'm realizing actually i'm not this modern woman is the more comfortable i'm getting in who
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i am i don't i don't think you can really go back like i don't think you can really claim
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traditional if you're separated from your like your husband it's no when i say traditional i
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say traditional in my values in my morals not that i'm i'm i'm gonna stick in a marriage that i'm
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unhappy in because i'm a traditional woman it's more i know what i want for myself and i know that
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this right but like that rhetoric right there that sounds very modern well can i just say again
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all i'm hearing is i i i i not and i'm not trying to personalize it to you it's just that you're
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speaking and a lot of the things that have been said today are i based and in relationships in
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marriage it's about partnership working together and we're not nobody's perfect sometimes sometimes
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you make mistakes and you have to work through it and with i'm not married i've never been married and
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i think it's easy for me to talk on it you know from a perspective but when you've got a child
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involved your feelings involved you know finances involved whatever it might be work involved your
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friends involved you you have to kind of peel back on all of the factors that influence you
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and look at the bare bones of the relationship which is you your child and your partner and
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literally zone in on that and make that your priority wait i've got a question i've got a
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question quickly just a kind of caveat of it yeah yeah so on that note you're talking about i i do you
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would you say that the modern woman is is selfish then yes because it because society allows that
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to be the case because it's about what you want is it what the woman wants i don't think that's the
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case for every woman because i've been very selfless in relationships i've got nothing back
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right exactly so but how can i be selfish no no no but when kids are involved you kind of have to be selfish
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so sorry to cut you off yeah yeah that's all right selfish like how though when kids are involved
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well like your kids are your priority so it's like regardless of what how anybody feels like
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your child is your priority isn't the priority to stay in that relationship with two parents
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no my priority is to take care of my child yeah yeah so that's but that's that's being selfless
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like when you have a kid it's not supposed to be about you anymore it's about your kid
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your happiness but that's exactly i think unless you're in like extenuating circumstances where you
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are getting abused or yeah yeah i'm with you i'm with you if your child if your child's in danger
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yeah i i agree yeah but that's not that's not the majority of cases if the child's not in danger
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you need to try working out together but that's exactly what like for example my daughter doesn't
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know we're separate my daughter hasn't experienced anything different when she sees us she sees
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us very amicable and she she doesn't know anything different so when i say no we don't live in the
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same house okay but when i say that when i say i'm putting my daughter first that's the reason why
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i'm not chasing another man or chasing another relationship because the most beneficial one is
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me and her father but like so you keep kind of contradicting yourself and you did it again just
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here there because you said your daughter you don't live in the same house but your daughter
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doesn't know anything's up yeah she may not at five but she will yeah and when and so and so
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she might not understand it but you you can't say that it's like she's not going to notice that her
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dad or her mom isn't in the home no but i'm not saying there's my my dad used to work here while my
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my family were back home my dad wasn't present in their lives every single day and i think that's
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another big misconception that a parent or a dad has to be at home every single day it's a cultural
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thing yeah exactly did it affect you and not having him there all the time no no not at all i love my dad
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like my dad was an amazing man an amazing father figure amazing that's why i can't trash men because
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i have so much respect for my you don't think it would have been better if your dad was there a bit
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often you spent more time i'm just i'm just thinking about pearl and their dads no no yeah my dad
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my dad was gone my dad was gone a lot too and i'd say like it did affect me like i yeah i mean i would
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have been better if he was there i still love him and i respect him more than anything but like i think it
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would be dumb to say i didn't want my dad around more do you think it would have changed your
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perspective on you because you said that you battle being traditional western do you think if your dad
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was there more that you'd be a lot more traditional than western no i think the problem with me was when
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i went to uni and i came out of my traditional or my culture the bubble so i think that bubble protected
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me for so long and i wish i stayed in it a bit longer because the trauma only came when i thought oh let
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me experience a bit of life can i just say this do you think your dad being present in your life
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when you were growing up would help you manage your situation right now with your husband better
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because he would have been able to advise you or even now i don't know what your relationship is like
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now but he would be able to guide you or even have an impact on you in a way that would allow you
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to manage the situation better i don't i feel like i'm managing the situation well compared to what
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society will tell me because there's a lot of people that will tell me why are you even investing
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any more time or why are you even allowing this dynamics because a lot of people say oh close book
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and rush out that's why girls give the worst advice i i don't i don't think you could say you're
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managing it well unless you're still with him can i just no it's like it's it's not you can't it's like
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when i say that's like that's like that's like like failing a test and saying you got no when
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i say managing it well i'm saying about i'm respecting his values or views in where he is in
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life i'm respecting that he's not ready to commit to the marriage and children yet because he feels
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like he can't be that responsible why did you get married no wait wait before before that before that
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sorry i'm so proud of you like we can all see how much like you love your daughter how much you're
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trying to make this work like his life is hard you know like no no no no wait wait wait wait wait
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she only got here she only got here because she cheated the cheap because before we said yeah that
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ah women women said they like the truth in it your husband told you the truth saying that i may
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potentially want to step out on you yeah and that's what started this whole debacle of problems of
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relationship so him being honest is kind of why you're here isn't it initially it was the my ex
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cheating that was the issue but you said you had help for that trauma you said you had that trauma
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no no no that's something i've gone in later like say within the last year because it seems to me like
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you and your husband split because of something that he might do in the future yeah and that was
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me looking back at myself saying i was the fault of that so that was me taking accountability
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are you now saying that as a young woman that traditional is the way to go 100 thank you 100 i'm i will
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i believe in traditional roles i believe i just believe that this society doesn't enable that
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and a lot of my anger as well even in my relationship was the fact that i had to work
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and i had to do things that a woman shouldn't necessarily do because society now is too expensive
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i don't think can i just say that society though can i just say that traditional women always work
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you asked your mom how she worked just because she didn't read the house yeah exactly so we're doing
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the housework and then more she's talking about career i'm talking about career but i'm saying
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that it all depends on how you see it no 100 and also if you and your husband wouldn't it be
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better if you both got a flat with three bedrooms and worked out two separate rooms that's the thing
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money is the issue so if money wasn't an issue of course we could have a mansion and we could
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no i'm just saying is it is it there is to live apart than to live together yeah uh yes
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i would it's just easier for now because obviously where we're not not easier i'm talking about
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cheaper is it cheaper to live separately or is it would it be cheaper to live together it's just not
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a position we're at now because we're only i've only just healed could you just answer that yes or no
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is it cheaper to live apart it's probably it's cheaper to live together it's cheaper to live
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together but obviously if i'm not like i've only gone through my counseling and having to learn about
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myself in the last year and a half that time i was alone if that makes sense if i'd never done that
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i would never have gone through counseling or learn about myself and what and i've learned and i think
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the thing is i had an amazing father figure i had an amazing childhood with my dad and my dad not
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being there he was there you know him not being there for parts isn't impacted me at all my
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relationship was amazing there was other things that happened when i was a child that made it more
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difficult if that makes sense in me in my longer lifelong marriage and i think once i then went
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counseling for that i then realized actually there was a lot of me that had to heal before i even took
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that step can i just give you a bit of advice as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we
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