JustPearlyThings - Single Mother GOT DESTROYED for Saying This

00:00:00.000 Do you think it's fair for women to expect monogamy 1.00

00:00:02.240 if they have children from a previous guy?

00:00:06.380 I mean, I think you should expect monogamy

00:00:08.480 if the conversation hasn't been had otherwise.

00:00:11.480 You know what I mean?

00:00:12.320 Just generally.

00:00:12.800 Yeah, exactly.

00:00:14.320 It's more likely if you,

00:00:15.960 I feel like if you've got children

00:00:17.360 from a previous relationship,

00:00:19.360 I think it's probably more likely

00:00:21.260 that you're going to get cheated on

00:00:22.400 because you're going to know that

00:00:24.380 that person probably has less option

00:00:26.380 to just walk away after that.

00:00:28.120 It's more likely that they will try and work out

00:00:31.040 if they've already got children from a past relationship.

00:00:33.420 They don't necessarily want to lose that person

00:00:35.400 that they've been in a relationship with.

00:00:37.060 You know what I mean?

00:00:37.460 So, yeah, I think that as long as there's honesty,

00:00:42.400 then anything's possible.

00:00:44.120 But without that, then, you know.

00:00:46.160 And don't ever undermine the power and influence

00:00:48.500 of a stepfather or a stepmother.

00:00:50.080 I came from a single-parent family

00:00:52.660 who had shouted at my mum.

00:00:54.220 My dad ran away.

00:00:55.540 And this man came into my life

00:00:57.760 and he's the biggest blessing

00:00:58.700 that's ever happened to me.

00:00:59.760 So, like, honestly, don't,

00:01:01.100 I know this is a random spur, sorry,

00:01:02.540 it's just emotion speaking.

00:01:03.780 It's the most important thing.

00:01:05.200 It's the only thing that could potentially eclipse

00:01:08.280 the heartbreak of not knowing your real father

00:01:11.000 or your real mum.

00:01:11.780 If someone's strong enough,

00:01:13.460 manly enough or woolly enough to come in

00:01:14.900 and take that role,

00:01:16.100 it doesn't fill the void permanently,

00:01:17.760 permanently, but it does help.

00:01:19.760 It helps heal the heart so much.

00:01:22.020 And it puts that male energy as well

00:01:24.080 that you probably need to go in.

00:01:25.220 Yeah, but the issue is,

00:01:26.460 it's just a bad deal for guys, to be honest,

00:01:29.180 to date a single mother.

00:01:31.020 But you say that, though.

00:01:32.080 Yeah, but you're the same fact.

00:01:32.580 I could call my step that right now

00:01:33.680 and I'll tell you for a fact.

00:01:35.320 I know, but I'm not talking about you.

00:01:36.620 He hit the jackpot.

00:01:37.620 Right, I'm not talking about you.

00:01:39.360 I'm talking about in general. 0.99

00:01:40.680 I'm a hypocrite on that 0.97

00:01:43.020 because I was raised by a single mother. 0.90

00:01:45.860 My mother to me is an angel,

00:01:47.580 but I wouldn't want to go with a woman 1.00

00:01:49.300 who already has a child.

00:01:50.440 And that's just no disrespect.

00:01:51.840 It's just like, for me,

00:01:52.860 for me, I just wouldn't want to do that

00:01:56.000 because it's a lot to take from

00:01:58.180 and there's another man in this situation.

00:02:00.540 I don't want to have to deal with that.

00:02:02.420 But at the same time, I'm a single mum.

00:02:04.280 Yeah, I'm a single mum.

00:02:05.520 And at the same time,

00:02:06.400 when you want to meet me,

00:02:07.660 you already know that I have a child.

00:02:09.860 And obviously, she will be my number one priority.

00:02:12.880 It doesn't matter, no matter what.

00:02:14.680 Even myself, I'm going to put myself last.

00:02:16.780 And that's why it's kind of a respect from me

00:02:19.040 is because I'm like,

00:02:20.360 I can't make a mistake

00:02:22.700 with a woman who's got a child. 1.00

00:02:24.640 There's that fucking Jerry Maguire movie 1.00

00:02:26.560 where it's like, you don't shop the putty. 1.00

00:02:28.580 You don't mess around with a woman 1.00

00:02:30.660 who's got a child already.

00:02:31.940 You have to treat her with a lot of respect.

00:02:33.520 It's a more dangerous situation

00:02:35.840 because people get hurt more.

00:02:37.080 Well, and you're supposed to put your...

00:02:39.100 I disagree with what you're saying.

00:02:40.600 What do you disagree with?

00:02:41.940 Yeah, I mean, yeah,

00:02:43.220 you have to put respect and all that.

00:02:45.600 But because I'm a single mum,

00:02:47.800 doesn't mean I'm a very weak person.

00:02:50.120 I'm more stronger than ever.

00:02:52.340 No, what I mean is

00:02:53.400 because there's a child involved,

00:02:54.660 I treat it more seriously

00:02:56.280 than if it's just me and a girl.

00:02:58.160 And if our feelings get hurt,

00:02:59.820 that's one thing.

00:03:01.180 But when there's a child involved,

00:03:02.600 that's a whole bigger situation.

00:03:03.920 And that's why I wouldn't...

00:03:05.040 I agree, I agree.

00:03:05.540 I would be more...

00:03:07.100 Oh, is this what I want to do?

00:03:08.420 I'd be sick.

00:03:08.820 Yeah, but at the same time,

00:03:09.500 if you can be straightforward

00:03:11.000 and at the point and honest

00:03:12.620 and to have an open conversation with me,

00:03:15.120 obviously we can agree.

00:03:16.920 And if things are not working out,

00:03:18.680 that's completely fine.

00:03:19.500 I'm not going to get upset.

00:03:20.360 I'm not going to be depressed

00:03:21.140 because you don't want to be in the lab.

00:03:22.260 That's your...

00:03:22.980 And look, that's you,

00:03:23.980 but I don't know every girl's a strong child.

00:03:25.840 Yeah, yeah, of course.

00:03:26.380 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:27.580 I'm talking just about myself.

00:03:29.160 Well, but there's a couple issues

00:03:30.980 because one, if they raise...

00:03:32.760 In the UK, if you raise someone else's kid, 0.61

00:03:34.920 you have no rights to that kid.

00:03:36.220 So it's like you could bond with the kid

00:03:37.660 for 10 years and you have no rights to it.

00:03:39.540 Dude, if you've got your own kid,

00:03:40.900 you've got no rights to it if you're a man.

00:03:42.120 Yeah.

00:03:42.780 So go to look with someone else's kid.

00:03:44.680 Right, but at least your genes are passed on.

00:03:47.680 But if you think of it from a genetic point of view,

00:03:49.920 there's no reason for a guy to date a single mom. 1.00

00:03:52.520 Yeah, but it's never about the legalities of genetics.

00:03:54.620 It's about...

00:03:55.280 How you're feeling.

00:03:55.820 It's about the impression you leave

00:03:57.340 on another fellow human being.

00:03:58.440 I've just told you I've spoken about a stepfather

00:04:01.180 more fondly than I did about my own father.

00:04:04.720 That's worth something, surely.

00:04:06.420 And I know we're not making it about me,

00:04:08.040 but God, Jesus Christ, man,

00:04:10.080 someone out there must understand

00:04:11.820 it's a beautiful thing to raise a child that's not yours.

00:04:15.200 And I think that sounds nice.

00:04:17.160 It sounds really nice,

00:04:18.480 but you know if you had a son,

00:04:19.540 you wouldn't encourage...

00:04:20.360 If he had no kids,

00:04:21.120 you're not going to encourage him to date a single mom.

00:04:23.040 If I met a woman who was beautiful

00:04:24.780 and gave me everything that I wanted,

00:04:26.300 but just so happened to have a child,

00:04:28.440 you think I'm going to say no

00:04:29.300 because a child isn't...

00:04:30.260 I think you should.

00:04:31.020 I think that's not very wise, to be honest.

00:04:33.480 But I wouldn't be the person I am today

00:04:35.160 if my stepfather didn't take ownership.

00:04:36.380 And again, I think that's great for you.

00:04:38.460 And I think you ended up in a good situation.

00:04:40.840 But I think nowadays it's like

00:04:42.160 you have so much to risk

00:04:44.300 going into relationships as a guy.

00:04:46.180 Like you have so much to...

00:04:47.960 Like you might not even understand it.

00:04:49.620 I just know because I'm doing this documentary

00:04:51.260 in the court system.

00:04:52.600 So, and it's like you could spend five years

00:04:55.080 of your time, attention, and resources

00:04:56.900 and she can leave on a dime.

00:04:58.460 I mean, they're already leaving the father of their kids.

00:05:01.180 Yeah.

00:05:01.780 Like what is she going to...

00:05:02.420 It's happened to me before.

00:05:03.300 I mean, one of the last relationships I was in

00:05:06.180 with the mother of one of my children,

00:05:08.520 she already had three children

00:05:12.120 when I first met her.

00:05:13.960 We've got a child together,

00:05:15.640 but she already had three children,

00:05:17.320 three beautiful children.

00:05:18.580 We were in a relationship for, you know, five years.

00:05:22.720 In that time, I became somewhat

00:05:25.100 these children's real father.

00:05:27.600 You know what I mean?

00:05:28.140 I'm there with them every day.

00:05:29.720 I'm doing the school runs,

00:05:31.300 picking them up, parents' evenings,

00:05:33.540 you know, doctor's appointments,

00:05:35.000 all those kinds of things.

00:05:35.920 And then once our relationship had finished,

00:05:39.360 I no longer had any rights to those children.

00:05:42.700 You know what I mean?

00:05:43.180 I built up this beautiful relationship.

00:05:45.040 I look at them no different

00:05:46.500 from my own biological children.

00:05:48.440 You know what I mean?

00:05:49.000 They were my children.

00:05:50.020 They are...

00:05:50.540 Even to this day, they still are my children.

00:05:53.180 However, I don't have the same level of...

00:05:55.400 Was their dad involved over there,

00:05:57.440 like helping or was he around?

00:05:58.620 He's about, but he's not about, about.

00:06:00.720 You know what I mean?

00:06:01.440 And even the way that he would raise the children

00:06:05.640 would be slightly different

00:06:06.580 from the way that I would raise children.

00:06:08.280 You know what I mean?

00:06:08.820 So we have our differences in that.

00:06:11.060 Everyone is different anyway.

00:06:12.740 And that's the other issue I've heard.

00:06:15.800 It's like, does she respect your authority

00:06:18.080 over the kids because they're not your kids?

00:06:20.200 Well, it depends how long you've been together.

00:06:22.000 Because obviously,

00:06:22.700 if you're in the beginning of your relationship,

00:06:24.860 it's not gonna...

00:06:25.420 But if you're not respecting him in the beginning,

00:06:27.280 how does he know you'll respect him in the future?

00:06:28.900 You're respecting him,

00:06:30.300 but in the same time,

00:06:31.020 you have to build that trust over time.

00:06:33.260 How did you feel, bro?

00:06:34.140 Just out of curiosity,

00:06:35.060 giving back to those three kids.

00:06:36.620 Would you see it as some people insinuating

00:06:38.620 as something that you wouldn't encourage

00:06:40.760 your next man to go through?

00:06:41.660 You know what?

00:06:42.140 Do you regret it at all?

00:06:43.680 I don't regret it.

00:06:44.900 I don't regret it.

00:06:45.660 I mean, I think it's taken a mental toll on me.

00:06:48.100 However, I don't regret it.

00:06:49.440 I feel like the input which I put into those children's lives,

00:06:52.360 you know, has been positive.

00:06:53.680 And I think that one day when they grow up,

00:06:55.840 they will really appreciate it.

00:06:57.540 A hundred percent.

00:06:58.320 But what have you sacrificed?

00:06:59.500 And that's what I'm saying.

00:07:00.640 Yeah.

00:07:01.000 It's like,

00:07:01.660 I wouldn't even like to have a breakup with a girl 0.91

00:07:03.780 and her keep the dog. 1.00

00:07:04.780 It would fucking... 0.99

00:07:05.180 I love dogs. 0.99

00:07:05.860 So do I.

00:07:06.680 So do I.

00:07:07.260 Let alone,

00:07:08.340 like me attaching myself to a child

00:07:11.000 and feeling like,

00:07:11.760 I love this kid.

00:07:12.680 I feel like it's mine,

00:07:13.940 but it is like literally nothing to do with me

00:07:16.540 after that day.

00:07:17.640 And then after five years...

00:07:18.240 Would you encourage your son to do it?

00:07:21.980 To do what?

00:07:22.740 I wouldn't...

00:07:23.280 You know,

00:07:23.660 I'm...

00:07:24.660 Personally,

00:07:25.060 I believe in hope

00:07:25.880 and, you know,

00:07:27.300 the positivity.

00:07:28.320 So I would hope that,

00:07:29.580 you know,

00:07:29.780 if my son did go into that situation,

00:07:32.080 he would be able to make the right decisions

00:07:34.240 to make that relationship last

00:07:35.960 and stick it out for the long run.

00:07:38.580 Because as I say,

00:07:39.720 you know,

00:07:39.980 a child needs a father.

00:07:41.380 Exactly.

00:07:42.160 And if you can be that positive role,

00:07:44.240 a male role model in someone's life,

00:07:45.840 then be it.

00:07:46.320 Don't you think that's on her

00:07:47.420 to get back with the dad of her kids?

00:07:49.280 Like,

00:07:49.620 isn't it better if the actual dad

00:07:51.160 is in their lives?

00:07:52.580 Yeah.

00:07:53.300 Of course,

00:07:54.020 of course.

00:07:54.300 And so my question is,

00:07:56.440 if she's leaving the...

00:07:57.400 And I'm not talking about your personal stories,

00:07:59.800 but if she's leaving the mother,

00:08:01.660 like the father of her kids,

00:08:03.080 which more likely than not she did,

00:08:05.360 it's like,

00:08:06.740 what incentive does she have 1.00

00:08:08.320 to stay with you

00:08:09.260 if she didn't even make it work

00:08:10.700 with the guy who she had a child with?

00:08:12.280 Because we don't know.

00:08:13.240 We don't know that the dad

00:08:14.540 that she was with,

00:08:15.420 he might have been abusing her physically.

00:08:17.520 He might have been...

00:08:18.080 Well, and there's a little bit

00:08:18.920 of a red pill on abuse.

00:08:20.300 Not as many women 1.00

00:08:21.100 that say they were abused

00:08:22.220 were abused.

00:08:22.980 And a lot of people don't know this

00:08:24.080 because of the way

00:08:24.660 the family court system is.

00:08:26.320 You have to ask

00:08:26.920 if they filed a criminal case,

00:08:28.280 and if the answer is no,

00:08:29.160 they may not have been.

00:08:30.300 Because the family court,

00:08:31.500 you don't need any evidence

00:08:32.460 to accuse and even

00:08:33.620 sort of prosecute

00:08:35.600 where there's legal consequences

00:08:37.040 a guy of abuse.

00:08:39.240 So there's a lot of girls 1.00

00:08:40.380 that go around saying

00:08:41.060 they were abused

00:08:41.560 and they weren't.

00:08:43.400 I just think it's a good thing to do,

00:08:45.220 and I don't want to lose hope

00:08:46.140 in you, man.

00:08:46.540 I wouldn't go as far

00:08:49.140 to say that if you were

00:08:50.260 to date a girl

00:08:51.200 who as a child 1.00

00:08:51.980 exclusively makes you a coward,

00:08:54.040 but because of my

00:08:54.900 personal experience, 1.00

00:08:55.600 fuck it. 1.00

00:08:55.900 I'm going to say it. 1.00

00:08:56.360 It definitely doesn't make you

00:08:57.040 a coward,

00:08:57.420 but you have to definitely 0.99

00:08:58.140 be scarce going into

00:08:59.300 that situation

00:09:00.640 knowingly knowing that.

00:09:03.060 I mean, I would just say

00:09:04.320 don't do it,

00:09:05.120 to be honest.

00:09:05.600 So are you supposed

00:09:06.600 to just write them

00:09:07.840 off them?

00:09:08.760 Because to me,

00:09:09.820 it feels like that's what...

00:09:10.820 I think that men

00:09:12.160 deserve to have standards.

00:09:13.500 Yeah, and if I know a guy

00:09:14.660 and I think he's a good man

00:09:15.780 and he's worked hard

00:09:16.540 to build a good career

00:09:18.120 and he has a lot going for him,

00:09:19.760 I would never tell him

00:09:20.940 to risk that

00:09:21.540 by dating a single mother.

00:09:22.860 I don't have anything

00:09:23.620 personal against single mothers,

00:09:25.380 but if I'm talking

00:09:26.420 to my brother

00:09:26.980 or someone I love,

00:09:28.560 no, I wouldn't want

00:09:29.760 them to do that.

00:09:30.800 Okay.

00:09:31.060 Because I mean,

00:09:31.340 looking back at the situation,

00:09:32.920 how much of my finances

00:09:34.060 really went into

00:09:34.860 raising these children

00:09:35.720 and they're not actually

00:09:36.720 my children?

00:09:37.620 And what did you get out of it?

00:09:39.040 How much of my time?

00:09:39.680 Yeah.

00:09:40.200 I haven't got much out of it.

00:09:41.160 You did, you did.

00:09:42.380 You did.

00:09:43.160 You referred to them

00:09:43.860 as three beautiful.

00:09:45.280 You are passionate about them.

00:09:47.660 You care about them

00:09:48.580 and they care about you.

00:09:49.780 No, but we have to remember

00:09:50.360 he's not disposable.

00:09:51.520 Their mom could just 1.00

00:09:52.180 turn around to me

00:09:53.000 and say,

00:09:53.280 no, it's another guy

00:09:55.500 that's not going to come into

00:09:56.320 the children's life.

00:09:58.120 If it is your kid biologically,

00:09:59.660 what makes you think

00:10:00.620 that the woman

00:10:00.980 is going to stay with you

00:10:01.760 more so than

00:10:02.420 if it's not your kid?

00:10:03.280 If she wants to leave you,

00:10:04.040 she's going to leave you 1.00

00:10:04.580 regardless if it's your kid,

00:10:05.440 if it's your dog,

00:10:05.940 if it's your cat.

00:10:06.340 Right, right, right.

00:10:07.260 But what's the best predictor

00:10:08.480 of future behavior?

00:10:09.720 Yes.

00:10:10.260 Past behavior.

00:10:11.100 So if she's done it before,

00:10:12.720 she's likely to do it again. 1.00

00:10:14.460 But we need to understand why.

00:10:16.380 No, but you need to know

00:10:17.280 what's to say that she...

00:10:19.520 The why is very important.

00:10:20.720 Right, but something's wrong

00:10:22.580 with her decision making.

00:10:23.920 Okay, something's wrong.

00:10:24.840 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:10:26.780 Something is wrong, okay,

00:10:28.000 because I genuinely believe

00:10:29.180 everything in life 0.99

00:10:29.940 is your own goddamn fault. 1.00

00:10:31.620 You are the product 1.00

00:10:32.500 of your choices, okay?

00:10:34.160 So if she is a single mother,

00:10:35.560 she either likes abusive

00:10:36.800 and toxic men,

00:10:37.720 which means you won't live up

00:10:39.140 because she likes the drama,

00:10:40.500 she likes something about it,

00:10:41.520 that's what she picks.

00:10:42.820 Or she leaves when it gets hard.

00:10:46.860 But maybe there's other situations.

00:10:49.320 But what about if,

00:10:51.540 okay, you're saying,

00:10:53.520 okay, she's the one that left.

00:10:54.880 Okay, let's flip it and reverse it.

00:10:57.440 He was the one that left her

00:10:59.340 and then made her a single mother. 0.91

00:11:01.620 Do you feel that she now,

00:11:04.120 because he decided to walk away

00:11:06.680 from the responsibility

00:11:07.760 because it got too much for him,

00:11:10.180 would you feel that it's okay

00:11:12.140 for her to just be right off 1.00

00:11:14.080 because he chose to leave?

00:11:15.260 I would say she has a poor choice in men. 1.00

00:11:18.420 Yeah, I would say that says...

00:11:20.080 How could you say...

00:11:21.080 How could you...

00:11:21.800 Yeah, you're still blaming her.

00:11:23.580 No, I think he shouldn't leave.

00:11:25.600 I think it's wrong for him to leave.

00:11:26.940 But I know too much about the court system here.

00:11:29.700 Like, I know too much.

00:11:30.960 A lot of women... 1.00

00:11:31.540 No, a lot of women 1.00

00:11:32.340 keep the kids away from the fathers.

00:11:34.800 They absolutely do.

00:11:36.280 And so a lot of men grow up

00:11:38.240 thinking their dad's a deadbeat

00:11:39.520 and he's not.

00:11:40.400 And that's another risk

00:11:42.300 you're going to get with the single mom. 1.00

00:11:43.660 You're only hearing her side of the story.

00:11:45.580 So you don't...

00:11:46.720 Right, so you don't know the full picture.

00:11:49.180 So if she's saying,

00:11:50.220 oh, he abused me, he this.

00:11:51.800 Well, now I know

00:11:52.720 that you're accusing a guy of abuse.

00:11:54.280 She could accuse you of abuse.

00:11:56.460 And because you don't know

00:11:57.520 if she's telling the truth.

00:11:58.940 No, I understand.

00:11:59.800 So, like, these are just all

00:12:01.380 risk factors that go up.

00:12:02.900 So I think men deserve to have standards.

00:12:05.080 I think men can demand, 0.83

00:12:06.360 I want an in-shape, childless woman. 1.00

00:12:08.360 I think men have every right to say that

00:12:10.180 and they should.

00:12:11.540 Because genuinely,

00:12:12.540 I think women wouldn't leave as much 1.00

00:12:14.260 if men stopped putting up with this.

00:12:16.280 If women knew, 1.00

00:12:17.280 if I have two kids

00:12:18.280 and I don't make this work,

00:12:19.660 nobody is going to want me.

00:12:21.180 I think they would figure it out a lot more.

00:12:23.900 But they always think

00:12:24.980 the grass is greener on the other side

00:12:26.760 and a lot of times it's not.

00:12:28.280 You know what?

00:12:28.780 Sometimes I have to disagree,

00:12:29.920 but in this instance,

00:12:30.680 she's kind of right.

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00:12:36.140 and we are demonetized

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JustPearlyThings - May 03, 2023

Single Mother GOT DESTROYED for Saying This

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