JustPearlyThings - August 10, 2023


Single Mother REFUSES To Accept This Fact


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

225.29938

Word count

2,126

Sentence count

259

Harmful content

Misogyny

11

sentences flagged

Toxicity

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

12

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I sit down with my good friend Jana Simone to talk about what it means to be a provider and why it's important to be in the top 20% of women. We talk about the benefits of a provider mindset and how it can be applied in your life.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 salary is $41,000 a year. And you guys even said yourself, like, how many people here wanted to
00:00:06.100 pay 20% or less of the bills? But what percent of us are in the top 20% of women? And so the men
00:00:11.280 are looking up and asking, what do they get out of it? They don't get purity. They don't get youth
00:00:14.160 or none of us are virgins anymore. And they get in the UK, they get a 31 year old wife. So she's
00:00:18.780 on the brink of geriatric pregnancy. Why on earth would they have a provider mindset for a
00:00:23.580 non-traditional wife? I mean, what I would say to that is there's like, what, seven billion men out
00:00:35.220 there? I'm sure you can find the man that you want. And I encourage women to stand up for what they want. 1.00
00:00:42.960 And that sounds nice. But do you have it? You might not have it. But where you are now isn't where you're
00:00:49.580 always going to be. So I do believe that if you have a mindset of you're going to get something,
00:00:54.180 you can get it. You can get it, but can you maintain that? It's got to be realistic. Which is what you
00:00:59.300 said in the beginning, like people are so delusional, like you've got to keep it realistic. I feel like
00:01:04.080 it all depends on how you view life. Like you said, you're spiritual, you view life in a certain way,
00:01:08.840 you like to live a certain way. No, no, it's dependent on outcomes. So what do you get?
00:01:14.340 Yeah. What do you mean by that? So, okay, if you want a traditional outcome, like I'd first ask,
00:01:18.440 are you a traditional woman? And what outcome will you get? What outcome have you gotten in 0.67
00:01:23.300 the past? If you've never gotten that outcome in the past, why would you get it in the future?
00:01:26.540 Because things change. No, because I feel like where you are now doesn't mean this is where you're
00:01:31.560 always going to be. I realize I know that your mindset matters. So whatever you say, if I say I'm
00:01:35.980 going to do something, I'm going to get it done. I don't care what she says, she says. If I say I'm
00:01:40.000 going to do something, I'm going to do it. Right, right. But this is okay. So if I'm applying for a CEO job
00:01:43.400 and they say, okay, what CEOs have you worked for before? And they say, you know, I've worked minimum wage
00:01:48.400 at McDonald's, but I really want the CEO. We can talk about that. We want it, but it doesn't mean
00:01:53.020 you're going to get it. But there's been probably situations where that's happened by chance and
00:01:58.020 by going for it. And people win the lottery and it happens, but I'm not going to go and give general
00:02:02.380 advice and say, oh, that's going to happen for most people. But the perfect example is Tyler Perry.
00:02:07.080 It's not going to happen for most people, but you just got to want it. That's what I believe. I don't
00:02:10.660 believe that, or totally agree with what you're saying, but I do believe that once you have the mindset
00:02:15.520 and you desire something, I said, I'm not in the 20%. Doesn't mean that I'm not going to be one day.
00:02:20.080 Maybe I want to be, and maybe I will be. That's all my mindset and what I choose to do.
00:02:23.700 But you can't be in the 20% with a kid.
00:02:25.380 Who says that? Men. 0.60
00:02:27.120 Why can't I be in the 20%?
00:02:28.200 Men, and I'm sorry. It's not. 0.51
00:02:29.120 No, sorry. I'm a mom. Can I finish talking?
00:02:34.060 Go on.
00:02:34.360 And nobody can limit me. No one can limit me. There's no limitations. So if I want to be in the 20% 0.91
00:02:39.700 and I believe I'm going to be in the 20% with my six-year-old, I am going to be in it.
00:02:43.060 That's because that's my mindset and that's how I think.
00:02:45.140 But you have to ask the top 20% of men what they want.
00:02:47.420 But that's fine.
00:02:48.080 And I'm telling you, I've interviewed these men. I've spoken to these men.
00:02:50.920 Yeah, but that's fine.
00:02:51.640 And they don't want single mothers typically. 1.00
00:02:54.660 But typically they don't want. But I'm sure there's a small percentage that will.
00:02:58.540 And you'll find that percentage.
00:02:59.780 Sierras exist, but they look like Sierras and they have Sierras outcomes.
00:03:03.420 Yeah, but the thing is...
00:03:04.400 They're exceptions. They're not the rule.
00:03:05.780 That's fine. I know I'm not Sierras. I'm Janae Simone.
00:03:08.040 So whatever Janae Simone wants, if she's going to put her mind to it, she's going to get it.
00:03:11.540 So you might not, the percent or the statistics may go against me, but I know who I am and I know what I want.
00:03:17.920 So yes, I have a six-year-old and yes, I was a teenage mom, but that doesn't define me as who I am.
00:03:23.300 Who I was when I was 18.
00:03:25.000 I'm not saying it defines you.
00:03:26.120 I'm saying, but it influences your outcomes.
00:03:28.760 It influences my outcomes, but it doesn't 100% factual that that's going to be my outcome.
00:03:33.840 Statistics can say whatever.
00:03:35.520 But from what I believe and where I come from and what I know and what I've seen, what I want, I will get.
00:03:40.020 If I want to be a housewife, I'll be a housewife. 0.99
00:03:41.960 If I don't want to be...
00:03:42.940 Do you think it's wise to tell single mothers that they're going to typically be in the top 20% of women?
00:03:47.020 I think it's wise to tell single mothers that if you believe... 1.00
00:03:49.560 Sorry, sorry.
00:03:49.980 Do you think that's honest?
00:03:51.140 No.
00:03:51.820 To be honest with you, I don't think that it's honest.
00:03:53.100 It's not about honest.
00:03:53.880 It's about letting people know if you believe something and you're going to work towards it.
00:03:58.260 It's very unrealistic.
00:03:59.760 Go for it.
00:04:00.080 No, but it's not unrealistic.
00:04:01.680 It is unrealistic in terms of statistics.
00:04:04.200 And I understand you want to be an exception to the rule, but it's unrealistic to leave single mothers to believe. 0.90
00:04:10.960 It's not about trying to be like...
00:04:12.620 No, you're unique in your circumstance and you believe you can obtain that.
00:04:16.680 It's just who I am.
00:04:17.960 It's not...
00:04:18.300 I don't want to ever...
00:04:19.200 Yeah, but you're not everybody now speaking from that statistical.
00:04:22.340 Like, it's very unrealistic.
00:04:23.840 So what am I saying to someone, you're going to be statistic?
00:04:25.640 I get your point of view, but to tell at large, single mothers, they've got a chance of... 1.00
00:04:34.220 I'm not going to tell...
00:04:35.100 I'm not telling them that.
00:04:35.820 That was the question, though.
00:04:37.160 So I think that's unrealistic.
00:04:38.680 So do you think it's unrealistic?
00:04:39.880 I don't think it's unrealistic.
00:04:41.020 I don't think it's unrealistic.
00:04:42.120 I don't think it's unrealistic.
00:04:42.620 But I'm not going to look at someone.
00:04:43.880 Pearl, factually, is that not a fact?
00:04:45.840 Because I'm not going to look at someone, I don't care what situation you're in now.
00:04:49.400 You can be homeless, poor, broke.
00:04:51.020 I'm not going to look at you and tell you, your statistics have said you're going to still be homeless.
00:04:54.720 I agree, I agree, I agree, I agree, I agree.
00:04:57.760 It doesn't...
00:04:58.360 I didn't say you...
00:04:59.640 No, no, I didn't say you...
00:05:00.360 I didn't say you...
00:05:00.940 I'm not saying that every single mother is going to die alone. 1.00
00:05:04.380 But I'm saying if they expect to get with the top 20% of men, shit, they might. 0.99
00:05:09.720 Because they're holding out for men that typically don't want them. 0.99
00:05:12.960 Top 20%.
00:05:14.080 I don't even think I deserve the top 20% of men.
00:05:17.100 Like, that's...
00:05:17.900 It's about knowing what you think you deserve them.
00:05:19.980 That's saying you're an 8 out of 10 or higher.
00:05:21.680 Yeah.
00:05:22.040 But I mean...
00:05:23.200 But like you said before...
00:05:24.140 I think that's an insult.
00:05:24.780 Like you said before, men don't really...
00:05:26.780 You're saying they don't look at their parents 8 out of 10.
00:05:28.920 So that wouldn't really matter in hindsight.
00:05:30.700 You're saying that they don't look at their parents...
00:05:32.480 No, no.
00:05:32.840 Oh, no.
00:05:33.320 They start...
00:05:33.880 It starts with looks.
00:05:34.980 Okay.
00:05:35.540 But my point of view...
00:05:36.500 I'm saying they don't like lip fillers.
00:05:37.400 Oh.
00:05:38.600 Okay.
00:05:39.180 Well, my point of view is that I would never look at somebody and say, because of where you
00:05:42.940 are today or what you have today or what you've got, you're not going to be able to get something.
00:05:47.020 I would say because of choices that you've made, it is unlikely that you will be in that position.
00:05:51.440 But that's your opinion.
00:05:52.100 It's not an opinion.
00:05:53.600 It's looking at outcomes.
00:05:54.860 It's looking at outcomes.
00:05:55.600 But there's many outcomes that I can change.
00:05:57.860 I can change.
00:05:58.480 I'm not going to be the same single mother in five years.
00:06:00.480 Yeah.
00:06:00.980 And I don't believe that.
00:06:01.720 And I'm not going to...
00:06:02.480 But you can't change what men value.
00:06:04.980 Yeah.
00:06:05.360 But I can find someone that doesn't agree with that.
00:06:07.160 And typically, that's not going to be the top 20% of men.
00:06:09.620 Typically, that's typically by statistics.
00:06:11.680 It's not going to be 100%.
00:06:13.680 It's not 100%.
00:06:14.680 It's not 100%.
00:06:15.680 And miracles happen, but it's not the rule.
00:06:17.680 It's not the rule.
00:06:18.680 But who said...
00:06:19.680 You don't always have to go by rules.
00:06:20.680 I think it's dishonest to say that it's likely that single mothers are going to get the top
00:06:25.680 20% of men.
00:06:26.180 It's not dishonest because it's been...
00:06:27.180 It's happened.
00:06:28.180 It happens.
00:06:29.180 I'm not going to...
00:06:30.180 It's not dishonest.
00:06:31.180 I'm letting people know that what you desire is achievable.
00:06:35.180 It's achievable.
00:06:36.180 I'm not going to sit and tell someone because statistics says that you're not going to find
00:06:39.180 someone in 20%.
00:06:40.180 You're not.
00:06:41.180 No.
00:06:42.180 It's achievable.
00:06:43.180 This is why women prefer to be lied to because that's a lie. 1.00
00:06:45.180 It's not a lie.
00:06:46.180 It's literally not being put in a box.
00:06:49.180 Okay.
00:06:50.180 Blessing.
00:06:51.180 Blessing.
00:06:52.180 Do men typically want single mothers? 0.98
00:06:55.180 No.
00:06:56.180 No.
00:06:57.180 See that's what...
00:06:58.180 But that's you blessing.
00:06:59.180 That's blessing though.
00:07:00.180 That's blessing though.
00:07:01.180 I think why people look at people as many women as individuals. 0.91
00:07:03.180 Wait, wait, wait.
00:07:04.180 Wait, wait, wait.
00:07:05.180 For example.
00:07:06.180 I've been...
00:07:07.180 Do you know what as well?
00:07:08.180 It also depends on what type of single mother you are. 0.98
00:07:09.180 No.
00:07:10.180 Can I finish?
00:07:11.180 Sorry.
00:07:12.180 So I'm a single mother.
00:07:13.180 Yes, I am.
00:07:14.180 I was with my daughter's dad for seven years.
00:07:16.180 That was it.
00:07:17.180 One partner before him, then my daughter's dad.
00:07:19.180 That's it.
00:07:20.180 I'm very...
00:07:21.180 What's the word if I explain it?
00:07:23.180 It's not hard for me to find someone, but I'm selective, which I am allowed to be.
00:07:27.180 But that's because I want to get married.
00:07:29.180 I do not rule out someone like me, meeting someone that's going to value them because
00:07:33.180 they don't have a child.
00:07:34.180 I didn't say you wouldn't find someone who values you.
00:07:36.180 I'm just saying that.
00:07:37.180 I said the top 20% of men is probably unrealistic.
00:07:40.180 However, I...
00:07:41.180 And it doesn't...
00:07:42.180 All men feel this way. 0.86
00:07:44.180 Yeah, that's okay.
00:07:45.180 About any kid.
00:07:46.180 Any kid.
00:07:47.180 Because biologically, they don't have a biological incentive to do so.
00:07:50.180 Okay.
00:07:51.180 But just to let you...
00:07:52.180 I just...
00:07:53.180 No, no.
00:07:54.180 Wait, wait.
00:07:55.180 Can you say back what I said?
00:07:56.180 What did you say?
00:07:57.180 Sorry.
00:07:58.180 Men don't have a biological imperative to raise other people's kids. 0.89
00:08:02.180 But I've seen it happen many times.
00:08:04.180 Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:08:05.180 Their goal is to pass on their genes.
00:08:07.180 Yeah, but I've seen it happen many times.
00:08:08.180 So, okay, okay.
00:08:09.180 Their goal is to pass on their genes.
00:08:11.180 Yeah, but that's statistically right.
00:08:13.180 Wait, wait, wait.
00:08:14.180 Okay.
00:08:15.180 Their goal is to pass on their genes.
00:08:17.180 And so, marrying a single mother, they're putting their resources, their time, and their energy 0.93
00:08:21.180 into a kid that's not theirs.
00:08:22.180 Okay.
00:08:23.180 And legally, they have no rights to.
00:08:25.180 Okay.
00:08:26.180 So, they could raise a kid for 10 years.
00:08:27.180 You could change your mind tomorrow and say, you know what?
00:08:29.180 I'm not feeling this anymore.
00:08:30.180 And take the kid they raised for 10 years.
00:08:31.180 Okay.
00:08:32.180 But it happens.
00:08:33.180 So, wait.
00:08:34.180 And miracles happen, but it's not the rule.
00:08:36.180 Yeah, but I wouldn't call that a miracle.
00:08:37.180 That's not a miracle.
00:08:38.180 Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:08:39.180 Okay.
00:08:40.180 And women, it's not the same because if a guy has a kid, that's like signals other women 1.00
00:08:45.180 want him.
00:08:46.180 And so, that's a sign of pre-selection.
00:08:47.180 So, back in the jungle or whatever, if I saw a guy with a kid that said, hey, she picked 0.53
00:08:52.180 him and he could take care of that kid, so I should pick him too.
00:08:55.180 So, we just don't view it the same way.
00:08:57.180 So, we'll see you in a minute.
00:08:58.180 I'll see you in another minute.
00:08:59.180 Bye.
00:09:13.180 Bye.
00:09:14.180 Bye.
00:09:15.180 Bye.
00:09:17.180 Bye.
00:09:18.180 Bye.
00:09:20.180 Bye.
00:09:21.180 Bye.
00:09:23.180 Bye.