JustPearlyThings - Single Mother Shared Her Story

00:00:00.000 um thank you sorry um what would you what would you give up for the right guy

00:00:05.460 um it's actually not easy for me to answer that question i don't know because

00:00:12.840 from what i experienced i got married i um came from iran to the uk and then i got divorced i

00:00:21.380 had a daughter i've been single mom for eight years and i kind of feel like for the last

00:00:25.980 that eight years living with my daughter um it's kind of taught me a lot about being independent

00:00:31.860 i had to so i kind of feel like i um my personality built up quite a lot i mean i felt like having a

00:00:40.060 child and because i've always been looked after by my by my dad as a culture in iran and then i came

00:00:47.100 you know got married so i was working but obviously i had my husband so i think um so i kind of

00:00:54.040 understand her in a way of tradition because when you live in that sort of country that you've been

00:01:00.040 brainwashed since you was you were a child that you know when you go out be careful nobody should

00:01:04.900 touch you this i mean we have this in the uk as well but you don't think that's a good thing

00:01:09.060 it's a good thing because i'm teaching that to my daughter but we've been brainwashed in a way of

00:01:14.200 we've been so scared even when i had a boyfriend i was like i was not relaxed so i couldn't go on

00:01:21.080 holiday with him because i was i shouldn't sleep with him and it was so kind of like so confusing

00:01:26.920 because you you grew up in a different culture completely different culture and now when i'm

00:01:32.020 watching my daughter at school she's 16 she's a teenager she's going out she's going to like

00:01:37.700 brighton she's going out with her friend i invite her friends whether girl or boy it doesn't make any

00:01:43.640 difference to me anymore because i just learned from her that girl and boy are not making any difference

00:01:48.700 if you're you know going to school you know mixed school but we never had that sort of things in

00:01:53.480 iran so um don't you um don't you think it's bad like that's a good thing to have less sexual 0.72

00:01:59.000 partners though like that doesn't seem like a bad like you said brainwashed like that was a bad

00:02:03.640 brainwashed in a way of um when i say brainwashed i don't mean like you know my parents keep telling 0.88

00:02:08.940 me you shouldn't have you know sex with your boyfriend i was not even allowed to have a boyfriend 0.98

00:02:15.300 that's a good thing no i don't think it's a good thing at all because so how did you get married

00:02:20.640 then it was arranged oh was it arranged yeah it was arranged and then you said you you also i noticed

00:02:25.560 something you said you said you you had to be a single mother did he file for divorce no i i filed

00:02:31.500 it for divorce so isn't that a choice then um no it was my choice it was my choice and i think if i was

00:02:38.840 in iran i would have probably do it i wouldn't do it because it was lots of family where where right

00:02:44.080 but right but when you said like you had to be a single like you said you you chose to be a single

00:02:49.180 mother and you had to be independent and so that's not but that's not correct it seems like unless

00:02:54.720 there's some sort of abuse or something um no it wasn't abuse at all we kind of got to an agreement

00:03:01.040 because it's been um it was like two years that i wanted i was thinking about divorce and then i had a

00:03:06.900 chat with my ex-husband and he didn't want to get divorced but i wanted to because i didn't want

00:03:11.960 to live i did didn't want to be living with someone who i am not who i don't love anymore

00:03:17.260 so i just didn't want to like the feelings went away because did you love him before or did you

00:03:22.320 never love him um no obviously i loved him but i think um it was so many different things he told me

00:03:27.980 because he was at a range wedding and we kind of did online at meeting because i was in iran and he was

00:03:33.600 in england so he was telling me for example i'm very sporty and he was saying i do horse riding

00:03:38.520 i do tennis i do this i do this and you know when i when when we were together i was like you said

00:03:43.960 you're going to do gym every day and you're doing this and i was like i never seen you out of the

00:03:48.880 house and he was literally going to work and coming back and sleeping on the sofa watching tv so

00:03:53.820 that was my life and i never chose to do that life because even when i was back in iran i was very

00:03:59.300 sporty i was very you know outgoing and i love friends he never come out with my friends because

00:04:04.620 he was thinking he was not social but i didn't really know because we didn't really had a chance

00:04:09.980 to go out did you did you know that before you had a kid um yeah yeah okay so then why why did you

00:04:16.600 keep going if you you got because you know that's a very good question why did you keep going and then

00:04:20.440 have the kid if you do that's a very good question so basically because i was scared to tell my

00:04:24.560 parents that i want to get divorced and i didn't have i i wasn't i didn't have a child that time

00:04:30.880 and i was thinking for two years how to tell them that i don't want to live with him anymore and i

00:04:36.280 want to god i want to get divorced yeah but and you know what they were telling me i think the reason

00:04:40.820 is because you're very lonely because obviously it was difficult for me to come from iran which

00:04:45.320 i had no friends i had no one here and i only had him and then it's difficult to um recognize

00:04:53.140 whether i'm depressed and because of the depression and i'm lonely and i'm feeling

00:04:57.860 uh you know out of my country i don't have my family i don't have my friends i don't have anyone

00:05:02.400 and i was so depressed i felt like could it be my depression that i don't love him anymore i don't

00:05:07.660 want to be with him anymore or maybe maybe if i was older and i was more aware of what's happening

00:05:14.400 if i had some you know more experienced friends telling me go to a psychologist go to a coach and see

00:05:20.480 what is wrong with you maybe there's something wrong with you but it was i didn't have any of

00:05:24.580 those no and and i understand what you're saying like the the what i'm disagreeing on is when you

00:05:29.500 said you you had to be a single mother like you had no choice in it when it seems like everything

00:05:34.840 was your choice yeah no like you had to be independent but it seems like you chose to be

00:05:39.800 independent i chose to be independent right so so it's like kind of when we talk to the next

00:05:44.460 generation it's like sorry we make it seem like there was no choice when it was all your choice

00:05:49.260 no actually you're right it was my choice so i i got divorced without telling my parents

00:05:54.620 um and i got pregnant because it was um i just thought my mom kept telling me um you know you

00:06:01.840 you need to have a child maybe you won't be lonely and then you know just don't because they don't

00:06:07.140 that time they never wanted me or even my sister to get divorced i mean it was i brought up in a very

00:06:13.720 traditional family do you have a daughter or son daughter daughter was that hard on her her parents

00:06:18.540 how old was she when you guys got divorced three three years old yeah so luckily she was very young 1.00

00:06:24.080 to completely understand what is going on but i i i guess obviously she she got hurt a few times

00:06:30.700 especially when we were having do you think that you're the culture that you come from yeah is what

00:06:36.240 gave you that fear of not wanting to tell your mom your dad 100 do you think if you were still in

00:06:42.520 that culture that you'd still be married yeah and i'm so happy that i break the ice 0.62

00:06:47.980 and i kind of like in my family i think probably i'm the only one did that and after that actually

00:06:54.720 my cousins got divorced it's kind of like become more yeah would you say it's fair to say that women 1.00

00:07:00.860 single women kind of get help others in divorce like you sort of inspired that divorce or no 1.00

00:07:06.100 is that not fair to say um you mean you i inspired people to get divorced yeah that's what you mean

00:07:12.440 i've just noticed in like um friend groups that it's like one gets divorced and the other than the

00:07:18.100 other it seems like it's almost i saw i i i i experienced that i don't know with me if

00:07:23.700 my friends got divorced after me i i don't think so but i think so many people say when a friend get

00:07:30.700 divorced normally people like oh if she can do it probably i can do it and to be honest so many

00:07:37.520 girls they want to get divorced but they want because of so many things it can't be just culture 1.00

00:07:42.520 isn't that a good thing to be honest i i prefer to be single than being in a really sad relationship

00:07:50.820 even if i have children yeah that's what i think yeah like but to me it's like isn't the kids feelings

00:07:56.260 more and i'm not even trying to shame you i'm just like wondering what your mindset was yeah because

00:08:00.480 in my head it's like the kid is more important than my feelings like what made you consider your

00:08:05.240 feelings before the kid um i i still um even though i might look everyone's saying you look so

00:08:10.800 you know you're proud of what you've done and that time i couldn't say that so i was living with my

00:08:18.180 regret because of my daughter not regret but kind of like shame it's a better word for me to use it

00:08:25.340 that time when i got divorced i felt like oh my god maybe maybe i shouldn't do it because of her

00:08:29.620 so everything was like i shouldn't do it that's why it took me two three years

00:08:33.440 to make a proper decision to uh you know apply for divorce because i was i understand that because

00:08:39.480 i was so worried about my daughter yes as many of you know i was just banned on tiktok and we are

00:08:46.580 demonetized on a daily basis on this platform if you want to help please consider sending a super

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JustPearlyThings - May 10, 2023

Single Mother Shared Her Story

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