The Entire Panel Got In Their Feelings
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
225.83557
Summary
In this episode, we discuss trust within a relationship and how important it is when it comes to a woman s trust in her partner. We also discuss the importance of boundaries within relationships and how to build trust in a relationship.
Transcript
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it's because you've got a good man yeah wait what hold on even if you're a good man that
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sounds ridiculous yeah maybe because i can't i can't do what you just i can't do what you just
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said i can't because that's why is that ridiculous why because why would you need permit like there
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might be boundaries within the relationship so for instance like i don't want you to do
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like a pearl like strip show dance thing with like male strippers like i can understand that
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because that's like boundaries of the relationship but in terms of like i need your permission to do
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a show because i like if your boyfriend or husband or whatever if he's not like in this world you
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probably know better than he does like what's better for you i'd imagine but the thing is we're both not
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in this world we both don't know about social media he didn't and it's blown up but you're in this world
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now right right yeah but i still had his permission so there might be certain things that have developed
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since me being on the podcast that he doesn't agree with so i will cut them back i mean if you pick a
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good guy i mean he's a good guy yeah but imagine if he didn't have a good guy yeah all the women
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that are trapped in abusive well and also you never know if you have a good guy until you don't
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don't you know yourself better than anyone no not necessarily because i'm i'm human i've got bad
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things and i've got good things i'm just as bad as anybody else and i will always take other people's
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opinions and then when he says stuff i don't always take it as hard as pearl knows because thanks to
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pearls you know sort of a few problems we've had to like you know stop like being stubborn
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but you've given another human authority over your decision making in life sorry can i just
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someone else can i add something onto that um auntie what you said is the exact same situation with me
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i have a fiance and i would not come up here unless i've spoken to him about it and he's actually agreed
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with it so the only reason why i'm sitting here is because my fiance doesn't have a problem me sitting
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here but can i ask you something right when you go out on the street which a lot of people don't
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recognize when you go out and you dress and you speak who do you represent when you go out as a
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woman in the relationship your husband right so when you're at school and you're in uniform you
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represent the school yeah when you go out as a child you represent your parents if you have a man
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you represent your man you're a couple so people gonna know that if he sees you on a on a podcast and
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you're doing god knows what you're gonna represent him people gonna know that's so-and-so's woman
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yeah so you have to listen to him you don't don't tell he doesn't tell me what to do but i have to
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take his feelings into account do you flip that do you flip that into saying does he represent you
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as well when he's doing stuff cool yeah well then do you do you have authority over him to give him
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permission to do stuff or not yeah certainly he won't do anything we discuss everything it works both
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ways but you said you have but he has the final decision it's not equal you said he has the final
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decision guys guys we need okay okay finish your point yeah he has the final decision if he's going
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to do something and he says oh i'm going to do that and i'm like do you know what i don't agree with that
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because it's been so long 32 years and counting because it's been so long he he will know that there
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must be a reason behind it that i don't agree with him now he will either listen to me as i would do him
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because i don't have to take everything he says as gospel it's up to me whether to take it or not
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i will listen to him rather than listen to my friends because women will finally listen to their
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friends what about most of us that haven't had 32 years and so are you saying that i've been with my
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man two years and i must what he says goes this is what my struggle is what i'm trying to say you've
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been able to build that trust you've been able to know that he's got your best interest at heart yeah
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you've been able to know that he has the your right your right intentions but most of us haven't
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had 32 years to practice all that you know i can't adopt your position can i say something do you
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know something right you as a woman would know within the first six months whether that man is for
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you i can't say that i married a man i would know didn't end up wherever me personally i would
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know i was a single parent just like you i was a single parent and we split up but when i met him back
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he was a single parent so i know that anything he says if it jars in my heart i have to think
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to myself you know what that don't feel right let me discuss it but if i think to myself i am not going
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to be a detriment then i'll go with it because it's not harming me so if he if i think in my head
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as a woman that what he's saying doesn't benefit me or harms me i will discuss it and then because it's
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not the fact that oh what he says goes i will discuss it with him and i want to hear where he's
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coming from because all right then for instance you've got a man and you both of you have a favorite
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artist and the favorite artist gives you two free tickets to go and then your man looks at the ticket
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and says you know what you're not going what would you do like this conversation couldn't happen with
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my man anyway honestly i think that i think the modern relationship is way too uh no let me say
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the modern relationship i'm looking for is way too equal in terms of opinion and position there's
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there's a conversation it's about what's making me happy and if it's taking my best friend to that
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concert he wants to see me smile and he wants to see me happy that's what's going to happen in that
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concert but you didn't answer the question so the question was i asked you what would you do like when
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he asks you to do something that you don't want to do or to not to to not go somewhere that you
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want to go i will consider his feelings but if it's in my best interest i cannot put myself the only
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man or the only being is god that can tell me by speech by prayer okay by whatever by message god
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says obey your husband your man the man's the head he's my husband he's my man he didn't put a ring on
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it but then you should be with him until you put the ring on it right but what i'm trying to say is
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if i'm a feminist but what does it mean for me as a single woman that's what i'm trying to
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understand from this conversation okay so can i try to add a little bit of context on it because
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it's like a okay so basically what what what they're saying is okay so yes working taking out the
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rubbish doing all of these things are seen as as masculinity right however i don't think we're
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speaking in that regard because obviously these are things that have to be done you have to take out
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the rubbish you have to work you have to do these things but i think we're especially as a single
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person however we're basically saying but you're still a feminine that doesn't make you masculine
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what makes you masculine is when you're like so let's put everything in context now so i said i made
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the same statement as auntie right so i'm going to put things into context if i wanted to go shopping
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in tesco's for example i don't need his permission right because i'm going tesco's and i'm doing food
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shopping if somebody invites me to a club or some kind of event then i need to sit down and speak to
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him and explain to him where i'm going what type of event is what kind of people are there all right
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let's say let's say for example i put an outfit on and i put on a short dress and my breasts are
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revealing okay now if he says to me you look nice babe go out and have a good time as soon as he's
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finished that sentence me and him are done because me i can't be the guy like that to me that's a simp
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okay so if my my man or my husband says to me you need to go back and you need to change because
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what you're wearing is inappropriate now look a lot of people will be like no why why i can wear
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what i want if i want to wear but you're not you're not thinking because if you if you're going out
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with your husband right and you go to a club or a place and you're wearing a short skirt and your
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breasts are out you'll there's a huge possibility that you're going to put your husband in a situation
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no but he's next to me okay wait let me land let me land okay so for example my fiancee right
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if me and him went out to a place and he wouldn't let me wear that anyway in the first place but let's
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say he did and we went out to a place right and and a guy comes and and taps my bum why would he do
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that because they do that well because i'm wearing a short shirt yes yes i've seen that many times but
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you can also do that in jeans too right yeah but still if you it's less likely right and if he does do
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that if i had a bbl you will tap my ass not necessarily but look look look we we have to
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go about intentions if i come to a place and i'm properly covered up jeans and a guy does that
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he's getting smoked right there's no if so but about it because this girl is respecting herself
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she's dressed up nice and you've come out of your way yeah and you've you've slapped her ass now my
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fiancee if he was with me right and somebody did that there's a huge possibility he's going to jail for
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life but then you're wearing tight jeans why not wear this one long skirt in it if we're going
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if you're going to do models if you're going to do what you can wear a long skirt yeah you do
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no curves no nothing you can you that's what you should do then because you're calling for it also
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with the little tightness okay getting away from the clothes hold on getting away from the clothes
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you guys this is what i'm so confused about auntie you kind of did it and then walked to a more agreeable
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area you guys talk about things that are basic relationship norms but you like frame them in the most
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toxic way possible i don't understand so you talk about like if i'm going to wear something and go out to a club
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my boy my my boyfriend my husband whatever is going to approve of it which it to some extent
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like can make sense in a relationship context but if you flip that around if your boyfriend or husband
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says i'm going to go out to party you know and there's like you know 10 girls there and like two
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guys i imagine you have to okay that right you'd have to tell him whether or not you give him permission
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to do that no yes okay so you guys frame these things like my my husband is the ultimate authority
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and blah blah blah but that's not true for all you guys it's a back and forth like you're going to be
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okaying what he does he's going to be okay what you do that has nothing to do with masculinity or
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femininity or anything like that that's just like two adults having a relationship figuring out what
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the boundaries are thank you yeah so so what do you mean by your place when you say auntie because
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what does he saying that it is an equal exchange of um looking out for each other no i think when i
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when i with me i'm different because if i'm gonna wear a short skirt and something sexy i'm always gonna
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work with one with my man mostly i wear it at home but if i want to go out and i say to him what do you
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think about this and do you know what what um destiny said what we've been saying is just normal normal
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respect for each other and i respect him and his decisions and his opinions and he will respect mine so
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it's not like i'm blindly following where he wants to go because if he wanted to go somewhere or talk
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to certain people i've said in the past you know what i don't like your friends and as a man i will
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say you know i'm not gonna say don't go out of them i'm saying this watch out for this this is what i
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spotted this this this and this and i'll let him go ahead and eventually he will not you know what you
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were right so it's just about respect but i find that these modern people now they don't have the
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basic respect for each other in the relationship so what happens in like a lesbian relationship then
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i don't know well again like i think i think to be clear everything that was said everything that
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was said is fine for relationships there's i just there's not like a masculine feminine like what you
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start talking about you're going to talk to your partner you're going to make sure that they
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understand where you're coming from hopefully you love each other and you know each other hopefully you
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both have each other's best interests at heart and then you advise on that but i just think at the end of
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the day someone wears the pants like someone's leading and someone's following it's it's like no no no
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sometimes wait and sometimes it's reverse but at some at some point like you have to trust
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someone's leadership that it's going to depend on the domain that you guys are experts in right so
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you said you were a mechanic right so i'm guessing that traditionally men are going to have the say
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over the car because men tend to know but i'm guessing you probably know more than your husband does
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right if he comes back with a 50 pound bill for blinker fluid you're probably going to you're probably
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gonna make fun of him right but you know something right as pearl knows and as you most probably know
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yes i'm a mechanic but he's more stable-minded than me and as you know from the car that i picked
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you up in right because i must have been having a blind non-mechanic feminine moment where i just
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went in and asked for the cheapest car with four doors and you saw it the car's a piece of
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it's for somebody single it's not for someone who's got three grandchildren because three grandchildren
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me fills the car but whereas he hasn't seen the car yet because i didn't discuss it with him
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and he's gonna look at me and say why did you get that car yes i could take it back but i've decided
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to punish myself for being such a stupid woman and choosing such a stupid car when i was feeling in my
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most feminine moment so yeah i can do that but whereas even though i'm a train mechanic
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and then my nails and there's certain things that he will do in the no i won't say that most of the
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things he would do i always say your brake light needs doing but he expects me to do the brake light
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because i'm trying to do just as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized
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