JustPearlyThings - April 23, 2023


The Entire Panel Got In Their Feelings


Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

225.83557

Word count

2,919

Sentence count

1

Harmful content

Misogyny

9

sentences flagged

Hate speech

4

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss trust within a relationship and how important it is when it comes to a woman s trust in her partner. We also discuss the importance of boundaries within relationships and how to build trust in a relationship.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 it's because you've got a good man yeah wait what hold on even if you're a good man that
00:00:03.520 sounds ridiculous yeah maybe because i can't i can't do what you just i can't do what you just
00:00:07.360 said i can't because that's why is that ridiculous why because why would you need permit like there
00:00:13.440 might be boundaries within the relationship so for instance like i don't want you to do
00:00:17.600 like a pearl like strip show dance thing with like male strippers like i can understand that
00:00:21.920 because that's like boundaries of the relationship but in terms of like i need your permission to do
00:00:26.480 a show because i like if your boyfriend or husband or whatever if he's not like in this world you
00:00:31.360 probably know better than he does like what's better for you i'd imagine but the thing is we're both not
00:00:35.120 in this world we both don't know about social media he didn't and it's blown up but you're in this world
00:00:39.760 now right right yeah but i still had his permission so there might be certain things that have developed
00:00:44.880 since me being on the podcast that he doesn't agree with so i will cut them back i mean if you pick a
00:00:51.280 good guy i mean he's a good guy yeah but imagine if he didn't have a good guy yeah all the women 1.00
00:00:55.840 that are trapped in abusive well and also you never know if you have a good guy until you don't
00:01:01.200 don't you know yourself better than anyone no not necessarily because i'm i'm human i've got bad
00:01:07.200 things and i've got good things i'm just as bad as anybody else and i will always take other people's
00:01:11.280 opinions and then when he says stuff i don't always take it as hard as pearl knows because thanks to
00:01:16.480 pearls you know sort of a few problems we've had to like you know stop like being stubborn
00:01:22.080 but you've given another human authority over your decision making in life sorry can i just
00:01:26.880 someone else can i add something onto that um auntie what you said is the exact same situation with me
00:01:31.760 i have a fiance and i would not come up here unless i've spoken to him about it and he's actually agreed
00:01:36.960 with it so the only reason why i'm sitting here is because my fiance doesn't have a problem me sitting
00:01:41.040 here but can i ask you something right when you go out on the street which a lot of people don't
00:01:45.120 recognize when you go out and you dress and you speak who do you represent when you go out as a
00:01:50.160 woman in the relationship your husband right so when you're at school and you're in uniform you
00:01:55.040 represent the school yeah when you go out as a child you represent your parents if you have a man
00:02:00.000 you represent your man you're a couple so people gonna know that if he sees you on a on a podcast and
00:02:06.720 you're doing god knows what you're gonna represent him people gonna know that's so-and-so's woman
00:02:11.760 yeah so you have to listen to him you don't don't tell he doesn't tell me what to do but i have to
00:02:16.800 take his feelings into account do you flip that do you flip that into saying does he represent you
00:02:22.880 as well when he's doing stuff cool yeah well then do you do you have authority over him to give him
00:02:26.640 permission to do stuff or not yeah certainly he won't do anything we discuss everything it works both
00:02:31.600 ways but you said you have but he has the final decision it's not equal you said he has the final
00:02:36.160 decision guys guys we need okay okay finish your point yeah he has the final decision if he's going
00:02:41.360 to do something and he says oh i'm going to do that and i'm like do you know what i don't agree with that
00:02:46.080 because it's been so long 32 years and counting because it's been so long he he will know that there
00:02:52.560 must be a reason behind it that i don't agree with him now he will either listen to me as i would do him
00:02:58.640 because i don't have to take everything he says as gospel it's up to me whether to take it or not
00:03:05.920 i will listen to him rather than listen to my friends because women will finally listen to their 1.00
00:03:10.640 friends what about most of us that haven't had 32 years and so are you saying that i've been with my
00:03:14.960 man two years and i must what he says goes this is what my struggle is what i'm trying to say you've
00:03:19.760 been able to build that trust you've been able to know that he's got your best interest at heart yeah
00:03:23.680 you've been able to know that he has the your right your right intentions but most of us haven't
00:03:28.880 had 32 years to practice all that you know i can't adopt your position can i say something do you
00:03:33.600 know something right you as a woman would know within the first six months whether that man is for
00:03:40.080 you i can't say that i married a man i would know didn't end up wherever me personally i would
00:03:44.800 know i was a single parent just like you i was a single parent and we split up but when i met him back
00:03:49.040 he was a single parent so i know that anything he says if it jars in my heart i have to think
00:03:55.760 to myself you know what that don't feel right let me discuss it but if i think to myself i am not going
00:04:00.960 to be a detriment then i'll go with it because it's not harming me so if he if i think in my head
00:04:08.960 as a woman that what he's saying doesn't benefit me or harms me i will discuss it and then because it's
00:04:16.880 not the fact that oh what he says goes i will discuss it with him and i want to hear where he's
00:04:22.080 coming from because all right then for instance you've got a man and you both of you have a favorite
00:04:28.000 artist and the favorite artist gives you two free tickets to go and then your man looks at the ticket
00:04:34.880 and says you know what you're not going what would you do like this conversation couldn't happen with
00:04:39.680 my man anyway honestly i think that i think the modern relationship is way too uh no let me say
00:04:47.440 the modern relationship i'm looking for is way too equal in terms of opinion and position there's
00:04:52.480 there's a conversation it's about what's making me happy and if it's taking my best friend to that
00:04:56.800 concert he wants to see me smile and he wants to see me happy that's what's going to happen in that
00:05:00.880 concert but you didn't answer the question so the question was i asked you what would you do like when
00:05:05.360 he asks you to do something that you don't want to do or to not to to not go somewhere that you
00:05:10.240 want to go i will consider his feelings but if it's in my best interest i cannot put myself the only
00:05:14.320 man or the only being is god that can tell me by speech by prayer okay by whatever by message god
00:05:22.720 says obey your husband your man the man's the head he's my husband he's my man he didn't put a ring on
00:05:27.920 it but then you should be with him until you put the ring on it right but what i'm trying to say is
00:05:32.560 if i'm a feminist but what does it mean for me as a single woman that's what i'm trying to
00:05:36.080 understand from this conversation okay so can i try to add a little bit of context on it because
00:05:39.840 it's like a okay so basically what what what they're saying is okay so yes working taking out the
00:05:46.160 rubbish doing all of these things are seen as as masculinity right however i don't think we're
00:05:51.600 speaking in that regard because obviously these are things that have to be done you have to take out
00:05:55.920 the rubbish you have to work you have to do these things but i think we're especially as a single
00:06:00.960 person however we're basically saying but you're still a feminine that doesn't make you masculine
00:06:06.400 what makes you masculine is when you're like so let's put everything in context now so i said i made
00:06:12.080 the same statement as auntie right so i'm going to put things into context if i wanted to go shopping
00:06:17.040 in tesco's for example i don't need his permission right because i'm going tesco's and i'm doing food
00:06:22.080 shopping if somebody invites me to a club or some kind of event then i need to sit down and speak to
00:06:29.920 him and explain to him where i'm going what type of event is what kind of people are there all right
00:06:33.680 let's say let's say for example i put an outfit on and i put on a short dress and my breasts are
00:06:39.600 revealing okay now if he says to me you look nice babe go out and have a good time as soon as he's
00:06:48.160 finished that sentence me and him are done because me i can't be the guy like that to me that's a simp
00:06:53.360 okay so if my my man or my husband says to me you need to go back and you need to change because
00:06:59.760 what you're wearing is inappropriate now look a lot of people will be like no why why i can wear
00:07:05.840 what i want if i want to wear but you're not you're not thinking because if you if you're going out
00:07:09.760 with your husband right and you go to a club or a place and you're wearing a short skirt and your 0.50
00:07:14.240 breasts are out you'll there's a huge possibility that you're going to put your husband in a situation
00:07:19.040 no but he's next to me okay wait let me land let me land okay so for example my fiancee right
00:07:27.520 if me and him went out to a place and he wouldn't let me wear that anyway in the first place but let's
00:07:31.840 say he did and we went out to a place right and and a guy comes and and taps my bum why would he do
00:07:37.840 that because they do that well because i'm wearing a short shirt yes yes i've seen that many times but
00:07:42.480 you can also do that in jeans too right yeah but still if you it's less likely right and if he does do
00:07:48.480 that if i had a bbl you will tap my ass not necessarily but look look look we we have to 0.88
00:07:53.520 go about intentions if i come to a place and i'm properly covered up jeans and a guy does that 0.86
00:07:58.800 he's getting smoked right there's no if so but about it because this girl is respecting herself
00:08:04.240 she's dressed up nice and you've come out of your way yeah and you've you've slapped her ass now my 1.00
00:08:09.440 fiancee if he was with me right and somebody did that there's a huge possibility he's going to jail for
00:08:15.360 life but then you're wearing tight jeans why not wear this one long skirt in it if we're going 1.00
00:08:19.280 if you're going to do models if you're going to do what you can wear a long skirt yeah you do
00:08:22.960 no curves no nothing you can you that's what you should do then because you're calling for it also
00:08:27.280 with the little tightness okay getting away from the clothes hold on getting away from the clothes
00:08:31.360 you guys this is what i'm so confused about auntie you kind of did it and then walked to a more agreeable
00:08:35.120 area you guys talk about things that are basic relationship norms but you like frame them in the most
00:08:39.760 toxic way possible i don't understand so you talk about like if i'm going to wear something and go out to a club
00:08:43.920 my boy my my boyfriend my husband whatever is going to approve of it which it to some extent
00:08:49.680 like can make sense in a relationship context but if you flip that around if your boyfriend or husband
00:08:54.720 says i'm going to go out to party you know and there's like you know 10 girls there and like two
00:08:58.960 guys i imagine you have to okay that right you'd have to tell him whether or not you give him permission
00:09:02.880 to do that no yes okay so you guys frame these things like my my husband is the ultimate authority
00:09:07.760 and blah blah blah but that's not true for all you guys it's a back and forth like you're going to be
00:09:11.760 okaying what he does he's going to be okay what you do that has nothing to do with masculinity or
00:09:15.600 femininity or anything like that that's just like two adults having a relationship figuring out what 0.57
00:09:19.280 the boundaries are thank you yeah so so what do you mean by your place when you say auntie because
00:09:25.120 what does he saying that it is an equal exchange of um looking out for each other no i think when i
00:09:31.680 when i with me i'm different because if i'm gonna wear a short skirt and something sexy i'm always gonna
00:09:37.680 work with one with my man mostly i wear it at home but if i want to go out and i say to him what do you
00:09:44.480 think about this and do you know what what um destiny said what we've been saying is just normal normal
00:09:54.000 respect for each other and i respect him and his decisions and his opinions and he will respect mine so
00:10:02.880 it's not like i'm blindly following where he wants to go because if he wanted to go somewhere or talk
00:10:08.960 to certain people i've said in the past you know what i don't like your friends and as a man i will
00:10:14.400 say you know i'm not gonna say don't go out of them i'm saying this watch out for this this is what i
00:10:18.160 spotted this this this and this and i'll let him go ahead and eventually he will not you know what you
00:10:23.600 were right so it's just about respect but i find that these modern people now they don't have the
00:10:29.760 basic respect for each other in the relationship so what happens in like a lesbian relationship then 0.99
00:10:36.400 i don't know well again like i think i think to be clear everything that was said everything that
00:10:41.680 was said is fine for relationships there's i just there's not like a masculine feminine like what you 0.94
00:10:45.520 start talking about you're going to talk to your partner you're going to make sure that they
00:10:47.680 understand where you're coming from hopefully you love each other and you know each other hopefully you
00:10:50.800 both have each other's best interests at heart and then you advise on that but i just think at the end of
00:10:54.000 the day someone wears the pants like someone's leading and someone's following it's it's like no no no
00:10:58.000 sometimes wait and sometimes it's reverse but at some at some point like you have to trust
00:11:02.800 someone's leadership that it's going to depend on the domain that you guys are experts in right so
00:11:07.280 you said you were a mechanic right so i'm guessing that traditionally men are going to have the say
00:11:12.320 over the car because men tend to know but i'm guessing you probably know more than your husband does
00:11:15.600 right if he comes back with a 50 pound bill for blinker fluid you're probably going to you're probably
00:11:20.960 gonna make fun of him right but you know something right as pearl knows and as you most probably know
00:11:26.800 yes i'm a mechanic but he's more stable-minded than me and as you know from the car that i picked
00:11:35.280 you up in right because i must have been having a blind non-mechanic feminine moment where i just
00:11:42.880 went in and asked for the cheapest car with four doors and you saw it the car's a piece of
00:11:47.760 it's for somebody single it's not for someone who's got three grandchildren because three grandchildren
00:11:51.680 me fills the car but whereas he hasn't seen the car yet because i didn't discuss it with him
00:11:56.640 and he's gonna look at me and say why did you get that car yes i could take it back but i've decided
00:12:03.200 to punish myself for being such a stupid woman and choosing such a stupid car when i was feeling in my
00:12:10.160 most feminine moment so yeah i can do that but whereas even though i'm a train mechanic 0.97
00:12:17.520 and then my nails and there's certain things that he will do in the no i won't say that most of the
00:12:23.520 things he would do i always say your brake light needs doing but he expects me to do the brake light
00:12:27.760 because i'm trying to do just as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized
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