JustPearlyThings - The Harsh Reality of Dating Single Moms

00:00:00.000 responsibility that you wouldn't know it's not like ideal but i just think um it's less important

00:00:08.800 than that it's worse for you guys to meet a woman that has kids than for me to meet a man that has

00:00:14.080 kids i think um the mum usually looks after the kid anyway in most cases more than the dad

00:00:21.640 you don't have to actually be a stepmom i don't think okay wait so just so i i'm just i don't

00:00:28.980 want to misunderstand you so you're saying for a man going for a woman who has kids it's more it's

00:00:36.180 it's all baggage but it's more of a baggage for a man entering that situation it's more of a burden

00:00:40.740 for a man entering that situation if if dads are less involved than being a stepdad you basically

00:00:47.940 don't have to do because men are less involved in the parenting if you're saying that women naturally 0.99

00:00:51.380 yeah because you said that women are no she's talking about i think you're talking about primary 1.00

00:00:55.520 custody right no but like you said that women are more likely to take after the kids but then if 1.00

00:01:00.060 you're a stepdad you're not going to really have to be around like you'll be around them but you

00:01:03.560 won't have too much of a dad to them so like if you had a kid and he was your your man that he would

00:01:09.520 be around but he wouldn't have to look after them so much i kind of would though like if we like live

00:01:16.020 together i guess oh it's just um the biggest issue that i've i've heard um like my co-host on

00:01:23.920 tuesdays his name's sarah he he said that he had he dated um a single mom for 10 years was basically

00:01:29.780 that a lot of single mothers will let you know that you're not the dad and so basically like if 1.00

00:01:36.880 you want to parent them one way and she wants to parent them a different way it like she'll always 1.00

00:01:41.520 let you know that's not your kid oh so they lose their dominance kind of they lose that it's just

00:01:46.460 i mean they have all the responsibility of the kid they have to make sure he's fed they have to

00:01:50.380 make sure he's taken care of they have to make sure you know he has a male role model all that stuff 1.00

00:01:55.240 but they they don't get the leadership yeah the responsibility that comes with it

00:02:01.160 yeah or the freedom sorry the freedom that comes with it yeah then you got baby father drama as well

00:02:07.080 and baby fathers when it comes to stepping on another man's ego oh denava like okay it's

00:02:12.100 personally like i i think it would be wait okay i think i think it would be hard to date a guy with

00:02:18.020 kids personally but i just don't tell the world what to be and women tend to go for men with kids more

00:02:23.360 than without kids like again historically it was a sign of pre-selection like how did gongas khan

00:02:28.420 impregnate like half of the world like you know 0.97

00:02:31.920 man's gene pool very strong

00:02:33.440 no i i i agree with that one to an extent to be fair i think it's just when you have people that have

00:02:40.100 that kind of lifelong commitment with somebody else because that's what happens when you have a child

00:02:44.920 i think on both sides it brings a lot of complications i think that's why you don't want that drama

00:02:50.020 i'm curious who here um raise your hand if you would date someone with a kid

00:02:53.360 okay so one two okay i have in the past but it's not my preference it's not your preference yeah

00:03:01.920 exactly i would but it wouldn't be my preference but as as woman well me anyway i will i would go

00:03:08.260 for a man who is around his 30s he's more likely to have a child like it wouldn't be my first pick but 0.98

00:03:14.140 you know if he's got all the other qualities and stuff rather than someone who doesn't have the

00:03:19.580 qualities i want and doesn't have a kid then yeah i feel like it's easier to emotionally invest and

00:03:25.340 be maternal to someone else's kids than for a man to financially invest in someone else's kids

00:03:29.640 so you're saying it's like easier for a woman in that sense than a man yeah

00:03:33.780 i don't know i think that if you're a man and you're doing your thing money ain't nothing but a thing

00:03:43.680 that's it yeah so you'll be told for the majority so it's not the case but it that's the thing you

00:03:49.220 really still shouldn't be the case but it's not even about money a lot of the time it's again back

00:03:54.020 to the freedom without responsibility so they have all the responsibility of a kid but they don't get

00:03:58.360 the freedom to parent them how they want and then on top of that like you know she can leave and then 1.00

00:04:04.000 he'll have no rights to the kids well yeah and that lack of freedom like will um kind of be

00:04:09.160 reciprocated in your relationship i guess because she's got power over something you don't but what all

00:04:13.180 of the guys have been saying is that like they don't want to look after somebody else's kid because

00:04:16.860 it's a burden to them they have to provide for these kids so it is about the money then isn't

00:04:21.560 it they don't want to provide for this kid and give emotional support and financial support to

00:04:27.920 this kid like you just said it wasn't about the money you said it was about no i'm saying sorry

00:04:31.980 if i said it wasn't about the money at all i misspoke okay i'm just saying it's not always just about

00:04:37.700 the money so even if a guy has money he still he's like he still has the issue that she will remind

00:04:45.360 you that it's not your kid not all moms but some without the factor of the money if if they know

00:04:50.120 that you have a kid and they're still looking for a long-term situation then why does the kid matter

00:04:55.820 like if you know they have a kid and you still want a long-term situation with them then if you're

00:05:00.080 not willing to put in the effort and like that risk take that risk that if it does end then the

00:05:04.840 kid will be out of your life then why are you still going into it i think i think it ultimately

00:05:08.500 depends on the baby father like how involved he is in in all of this because between men

00:05:15.500 this there's like an on on unspoken code if if that if if yes if he's completely out of the picture

00:05:24.340 then you have a lot more options as a man to to to do what you've got to do but if you have to

00:05:30.020 interact with this guy every every friday when he comes to pick up the kids you know i mean

00:05:34.080 and you look at each other you size each other up and then he's just there like it's a lot more

00:05:38.920 aggro and a hassle that you don't need that just sounds like it's dangerous it's dangerous for men 0.97

00:05:43.000 because if he if he's just come out of a 10-year stretch and do i mean all these kind of things

00:05:47.520 as a man you like just just a woman with another child puts you in harm's way as a man because you 0.83

00:05:53.760 don't know who this guy who she she she breeded with you know i would never date someone with a kid 1.00

00:05:59.080 because i don't want to deal with their like their emotional baggage and and like kind of be

00:06:03.500 responsible for their past decisions because that is like you having a child was a decision

00:06:08.420 and now i have to be responsible for that decision and it's like it's not i shouldn't have to take

00:06:14.020 that off you like i don't have to deal with your past traumas because they're yours they're not mine

00:06:18.140 yeah because i was saying just adding onto it so i'm not going to go into like names and stuff but

00:06:23.320 like um as pa was saying about you know the authority especially from like a masculine

00:06:29.200 perspective already taking on someone else's child if you look at it from like a survival

00:06:36.080 perspective that child effectively is your enemy which is why like when lions take over pride

00:06:40.420 they make sure to to to kill off any legacies that was there before and they start again

00:06:45.120 but then to to to swallow that pride is one thing but then if you you you as it like in in the

00:06:52.380 traditional sense you need to kind of like run your house but then if there's children here

00:06:57.080 yeah it's like if you respect the mother her her not allowing you to do the authority over that

00:07:06.020 child those children are on the same level as her so it's just like that whole like the whole

00:07:10.740 respect tree someone in the chat said it's like paying for another man's orgasm exactly exactly

00:07:16.660 you said they're fully developed by three and if you meet her and she's got a five-year-old that

00:07:21.120 kid knows you're not their dad like they're gonna it depends i mean it depends how it runs out the

00:07:25.580 domain the main thing yeah the main thing i'm trying to get across right is the fact that like

00:07:29.180 all of these things yeah it just is very case specific but generally speaking from a male

00:07:34.600 perspective there's just so many factors that you have to swallow and ignore and just try and ride

00:07:39.020 with it it's not it's not a reminder that they have slept with someone every day seeing that kid

00:07:43.520 like it's not nice speaking from experience like i grew up my parents split when i was very young

00:07:47.500 and yeah and my mom got had a new man from early so i grew up with another man in the household and i

00:07:53.400 didn't like him at all like we constantly clashed heads i was very much like always on my dad's side

00:07:59.520 i was always looking at it like why are you with him and not my dad so for him it must have been

00:08:04.140 horrible yeah living in a household where you know that this kid doesn't like you but if they can if

00:08:08.780 they can get over that insecurity of the fact that there's another man that like like fathered that

00:08:13.280 their like girlfriend or wife's a child then like i just don't see what the problem is like what you

00:08:17.600 were saying about like how they have to like see this other man if he's still in like the picture

00:08:21.480 it's not easy to get it just sounds like it's like that stems from their insecurity like if you're

00:08:24.980 too insecure about the fact that the girl you're seeing has had another like baby in the past then

00:08:29.480 like don't see her like why is that her why is like you making like her issue that it's your

00:08:33.700 problem it's like you're meeting someone's ex every friday like meeting their ex like if you don't

00:08:38.180 like it it's gonna be annoying isn't it i just understand if you don't like it don't get into

00:08:41.360 the relationship yeah but we're just explaining like why men don't and so do you know what i'll agree

00:08:48.880 with that even further actually because my mom was alone for a very long time because my dad passed

00:08:54.780 when we were 12 and i remember when i was 15 14 15 even 16 any man that ever got close to my mom

00:09:03.080 oh the four of us because we're four girls we used to give him hell because we had a certain 0.95

00:09:08.080 possession over our mom and we're kids we didn't know a lot of the time we're younger we had a

00:09:12.760 possession of our mom and we also have loyalty to our dad yeah okay and okay fine fair enough yeah my

00:09:19.060 dad passed away and there's a difference but actually i find that to be the case with a lot of people

00:09:22.520 especially if the children have got a good relationship with the father that was it feels

00:09:25.740 like a betrayal yeah it's a betrayal so i think that when you bring that kind of situation to

00:09:32.080 your life you have to understand that there's so many elements now that you've added to your life

00:09:35.780 they have absolutely no control over absolutely no control it can be absolutely chaos it can go well

00:09:41.720 a lot of the time it may not go well in the society that we live in now i would say if you're

00:09:46.640 like maybe in africa in other in other continents where life is a bit more difficult and you're

00:09:51.680 actually a bit more generous through struggle maybe but even still i would just say keep it

00:09:57.740 clean keep it simple keep it straight and easy it's such a complex i was just banned on tiktok

00:10:03.480 and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform if you want to help please consider

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JustPearlyThings - March 26, 2023

The Harsh Reality of Dating Single Moms

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