The Harsh Reality of Dating Single Moms
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
217.44066
Summary
In this episode, we discuss whether or not it's better to date a woman who has kids or a man who doesn't have kids. We talk about the benefits and drawbacks of having kids vs. not having them, the baggage that comes with it, and the issues that come with it.
Transcript
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responsibility that you wouldn't know it's not like ideal but i just think um it's less important
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than that it's worse for you guys to meet a woman that has kids than for me to meet a man that has
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kids i think um the mum usually looks after the kid anyway in most cases more than the dad
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you don't have to actually be a stepmom i don't think okay wait so just so i i'm just i don't
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want to misunderstand you so you're saying for a man going for a woman who has kids it's more it's
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it's all baggage but it's more of a baggage for a man entering that situation it's more of a burden
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for a man entering that situation if if dads are less involved than being a stepdad you basically
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don't have to do because men are less involved in the parenting if you're saying that women naturally
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yeah because you said that women are no she's talking about i think you're talking about primary
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custody right no but like you said that women are more likely to take after the kids but then if
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you're a stepdad you're not going to really have to be around like you'll be around them but you
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won't have too much of a dad to them so like if you had a kid and he was your your man that he would
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be around but he wouldn't have to look after them so much i kind of would though like if we like live
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together i guess oh it's just um the biggest issue that i've i've heard um like my co-host on
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tuesdays his name's sarah he he said that he had he dated um a single mom for 10 years was basically
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that a lot of single mothers will let you know that you're not the dad and so basically like if
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you want to parent them one way and she wants to parent them a different way it like she'll always
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let you know that's not your kid oh so they lose their dominance kind of they lose that it's just
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i mean they have all the responsibility of the kid they have to make sure he's fed they have to
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make sure he's taken care of they have to make sure you know he has a male role model all that stuff
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but they they don't get the leadership yeah the responsibility that comes with it
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yeah or the freedom sorry the freedom that comes with it yeah then you got baby father drama as well
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and baby fathers when it comes to stepping on another man's ego oh denava like okay it's
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personally like i i think it would be wait okay i think i think it would be hard to date a guy with
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kids personally but i just don't tell the world what to be and women tend to go for men with kids more
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than without kids like again historically it was a sign of pre-selection like how did gongas khan
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impregnate like half of the world like you know
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no i i i agree with that one to an extent to be fair i think it's just when you have people that have
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that kind of lifelong commitment with somebody else because that's what happens when you have a child
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i think on both sides it brings a lot of complications i think that's why you don't want that drama
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i'm curious who here um raise your hand if you would date someone with a kid
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okay so one two okay i have in the past but it's not my preference it's not your preference yeah
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exactly i would but it wouldn't be my preference but as as woman well me anyway i will i would go
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for a man who is around his 30s he's more likely to have a child like it wouldn't be my first pick but
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you know if he's got all the other qualities and stuff rather than someone who doesn't have the
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qualities i want and doesn't have a kid then yeah i feel like it's easier to emotionally invest and
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be maternal to someone else's kids than for a man to financially invest in someone else's kids
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so you're saying it's like easier for a woman in that sense than a man yeah
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i don't know i think that if you're a man and you're doing your thing money ain't nothing but a thing
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that's it yeah so you'll be told for the majority so it's not the case but it that's the thing you
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really still shouldn't be the case but it's not even about money a lot of the time it's again back
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to the freedom without responsibility so they have all the responsibility of a kid but they don't get
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the freedom to parent them how they want and then on top of that like you know she can leave and then
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he'll have no rights to the kids well yeah and that lack of freedom like will um kind of be
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reciprocated in your relationship i guess because she's got power over something you don't but what all
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of the guys have been saying is that like they don't want to look after somebody else's kid because
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it's a burden to them they have to provide for these kids so it is about the money then isn't
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it they don't want to provide for this kid and give emotional support and financial support to
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this kid like you just said it wasn't about the money you said it was about no i'm saying sorry
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if i said it wasn't about the money at all i misspoke okay i'm just saying it's not always just about
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the money so even if a guy has money he still he's like he still has the issue that she will remind
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you that it's not your kid not all moms but some without the factor of the money if if they know
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that you have a kid and they're still looking for a long-term situation then why does the kid matter
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like if you know they have a kid and you still want a long-term situation with them then if you're
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not willing to put in the effort and like that risk take that risk that if it does end then the
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kid will be out of your life then why are you still going into it i think i think it ultimately
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depends on the baby father like how involved he is in in all of this because between men
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this there's like an on on unspoken code if if that if if yes if he's completely out of the picture
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then you have a lot more options as a man to to to do what you've got to do but if you have to
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interact with this guy every every friday when he comes to pick up the kids you know i mean
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and you look at each other you size each other up and then he's just there like it's a lot more
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aggro and a hassle that you don't need that just sounds like it's dangerous it's dangerous for men
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because if he if he's just come out of a 10-year stretch and do i mean all these kind of things
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as a man you like just just a woman with another child puts you in harm's way as a man because you
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don't know who this guy who she she she breeded with you know i would never date someone with a kid
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because i don't want to deal with their like their emotional baggage and and like kind of be
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responsible for their past decisions because that is like you having a child was a decision
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and now i have to be responsible for that decision and it's like it's not i shouldn't have to take
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that off you like i don't have to deal with your past traumas because they're yours they're not mine
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yeah because i was saying just adding onto it so i'm not going to go into like names and stuff but
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like um as pa was saying about you know the authority especially from like a masculine
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perspective already taking on someone else's child if you look at it from like a survival
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perspective that child effectively is your enemy which is why like when lions take over pride
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they make sure to to to kill off any legacies that was there before and they start again
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but then to to to swallow that pride is one thing but then if you you you as it like in in the
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traditional sense you need to kind of like run your house but then if there's children here
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yeah it's like if you respect the mother her her not allowing you to do the authority over that
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child those children are on the same level as her so it's just like that whole like the whole
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respect tree someone in the chat said it's like paying for another man's orgasm exactly exactly
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you said they're fully developed by three and if you meet her and she's got a five-year-old that
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kid knows you're not their dad like they're gonna it depends i mean it depends how it runs out the
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domain the main thing yeah the main thing i'm trying to get across right is the fact that like
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all of these things yeah it just is very case specific but generally speaking from a male
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perspective there's just so many factors that you have to swallow and ignore and just try and ride
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with it it's not it's not a reminder that they have slept with someone every day seeing that kid
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like it's not nice speaking from experience like i grew up my parents split when i was very young
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and yeah and my mom got had a new man from early so i grew up with another man in the household and i
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didn't like him at all like we constantly clashed heads i was very much like always on my dad's side
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i was always looking at it like why are you with him and not my dad so for him it must have been
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horrible yeah living in a household where you know that this kid doesn't like you but if they can if
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they can get over that insecurity of the fact that there's another man that like like fathered that
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their like girlfriend or wife's a child then like i just don't see what the problem is like what you
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were saying about like how they have to like see this other man if he's still in like the picture
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it's not easy to get it just sounds like it's like that stems from their insecurity like if you're
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too insecure about the fact that the girl you're seeing has had another like baby in the past then
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like don't see her like why is that her why is like you making like her issue that it's your
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problem it's like you're meeting someone's ex every friday like meeting their ex like if you don't
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like it it's gonna be annoying isn't it i just understand if you don't like it don't get into
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the relationship yeah but we're just explaining like why men don't and so do you know what i'll agree
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with that even further actually because my mom was alone for a very long time because my dad passed
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when we were 12 and i remember when i was 15 14 15 even 16 any man that ever got close to my mom
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oh the four of us because we're four girls we used to give him hell because we had a certain
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possession over our mom and we're kids we didn't know a lot of the time we're younger we had a
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possession of our mom and we also have loyalty to our dad yeah okay and okay fine fair enough yeah my
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dad passed away and there's a difference but actually i find that to be the case with a lot of people
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especially if the children have got a good relationship with the father that was it feels
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like a betrayal yeah it's a betrayal so i think that when you bring that kind of situation to
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your life you have to understand that there's so many elements now that you've added to your life
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they have absolutely no control over absolutely no control it can be absolutely chaos it can go well
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a lot of the time it may not go well in the society that we live in now i would say if you're
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like maybe in africa in other in other continents where life is a bit more difficult and you're
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actually a bit more generous through struggle maybe but even still i would just say keep it
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clean keep it simple keep it straight and easy it's such a complex i was just banned on tiktok
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