JustPearlyThings - June 30, 2023


The HARSH Truth About Western Women


Episode Stats


Length

18 minutes

Words per minute

189.3642

Word count

3,441

Sentence count

285

Harmful content

Misogyny

9

sentences flagged

Hate speech

5

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about trauma and the impact it has on our lives and how it can have a negative impact on the way we grow up. We discuss the impact that trauma can have on a child's development and how to deal with it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 I think people in the Western world use trauma as an excuse.
00:00:03.340 There's no such thing as trauma in the Western world.
00:00:06.180 If you go to their countries that experience real trauma
00:00:08.680 and the people are not overweight.
00:00:10.480 I just don't believe in that.
00:00:11.780 I think it's a crutch to remove accountability from people
00:00:15.380 and to give people an excuse to not do what needs to be done.
00:00:18.460 But have these people got access to food?
00:00:21.320 Is it easily accessible?
00:00:23.400 That's the question.
00:00:24.820 Africa is not a jungle.
00:00:26.920 I don't think you've just said that.
00:00:28.300 I'm from Bangladesh, my parents are-
00:00:33.980 But the way people approach their problems is different.
00:00:37.300 Yeah, agreed.
00:00:38.300 But can I ask you this?
00:00:39.720 You came from a fully intact family, mother, father?
00:00:42.620 Yeah.
00:00:43.440 See, I think that's the problem because a lot of the Western shit
00:00:46.820 is like the families are, like we have all the money in the world,
00:00:49.920 but the families are so broken.
00:00:51.820 And then, you know, because there were two girls on a podcast 1.00
00:00:55.700 I was at recently, right?
00:00:57.000 And one girl was like, my father was present from zero to 13.
00:01:00.800 Very normal, very beautiful girl.
00:01:02.680 And another girl was like, my father was present, well, my stepfather was present from 13 onwards.
00:01:07.680 And she was just permanently angry.
00:01:09.860 So, in these developmental stages, these developmental parts of our lives,
00:01:15.300 because in America, women are incentivized to throw the father out from the children being one, two, three, 1.00
00:01:21.600 and then you're growing up with this empty position.
00:01:24.600 But didn't, like, fathers used to go to war.
00:01:27.600 Do you know what I mean?
00:01:27.940 Like, they used to be gone.
00:01:29.340 But that's what I'm saying.
00:01:30.040 Like, I just, it just all-
00:01:31.600 But they were, they did go to war, but the mother wasn't at home being like, 0.90
00:01:34.820 your father's a fucking loser. 0.95
00:01:36.480 And he's getting realized.
00:01:37.820 He's out there.
00:01:39.020 He's out there, like, fighting for the country.
00:01:41.400 Like, the most masculine, esteemed thing you can do.
00:01:44.080 I'm not saying trauma doesn't exist.
00:01:46.380 I just think, like, 80% of the time when I hear trauma, it's just an excuse.
00:01:50.740 I will say this.
00:01:51.340 I'm going to push back, because you and Myron have the same position on this, right?
00:01:55.060 But you and Myron were also raised in very healthy, like, functioning families.
00:02:01.420 I was, like, severely emotionally abused, mentally abused, and physically abused for, like, the majority of my childhood.
00:02:10.120 And when you are undergoing these kind of things during your formative years, you have a traumatic outlook on life, period.
00:02:20.660 It changes your perception.
00:02:22.420 And I know it sounds like I'm coping, but I'm not.
00:02:24.860 I'm telling you.
00:02:25.720 And it's a hard thing for people who are not traumatized to look at this from an outside lens, because there's things you have to overcome.
00:02:33.080 I have a question.
00:02:34.360 How much more traumatic can it get for a child to grow up in a situation where it's encouraged for you to be beat by your parents as discipline?
00:02:44.280 Because that's how African kids are raised. 1.00
00:02:46.020 That's not true.
00:02:46.880 Okay.
00:02:47.780 So, let me ask you this.
00:02:51.200 How traumatic would it be for you to grow up never knowing who your father was?
00:02:56.560 I mean, compared to getting beat as a kid every day.
00:03:00.380 I got beaten, too.
00:03:01.280 Okay.
00:03:01.680 So, what if you saw your parent, one of your parents get beaten by your other parent as a child?
00:03:09.120 But I can just...
00:03:10.280 But I can just...
00:03:11.280 So, how could you not say that that trauma would affect somebody and you'd use it as an excuse?
00:03:15.400 Because if you've seen that...
00:03:16.640 I know different types of trauma affect different kinds of people.
00:03:20.020 But I think the problem is we blame the trauma and we remove accountability from people.
00:03:25.000 Yeah, you choose how to react from that.
00:03:26.700 Because there are children that come from the same home where the father was abusive and one goes on to be successful in life and one has a completely useless life.
00:03:33.740 Can I jump in here?
00:03:34.460 Sorry, by a lot of people that I met who have gone, seen stuff from childhood, they either carry it on or they express it in another way, in an unhealthy way.
00:03:46.420 This is all irrelevant.
00:03:47.880 This is absolutely irrelevant.
00:03:49.280 It doesn't matter how you become traumatised.
00:03:51.900 It's about how you hit your rock bottom that forces you to go backwards.
00:03:56.320 The trauma is irrelevant.
00:03:57.780 It's the rock bottom that matters.
00:03:59.780 We're saying that sugar is a drug, right?
00:04:01.580 What happens to drug addicts?
00:04:02.820 So you have a sponsor and your sponsor might say, you know, you do like a day or two clean and it's, you know, well done, congratulations.
00:04:09.420 And then they get back onto the drugs.
00:04:11.840 They relapse and their sponsor or the, you know, the expert says, their support worker says, you haven't hit your rock bottom because they haven't.
00:04:19.720 It doesn't matter what your trauma is.
00:04:21.400 It matters what stops you from like going down the rabbit.
00:04:24.600 I definitely, I'm going to say I disagree with you on that in the sense because I exclusively run a community of traumatised individuals and our main goal is to overcome the trauma.
00:04:34.460 Because here's the thing, if you don't overcome your trauma, you're going to get caught in a pattern of self-sabotage.
00:04:40.600 How you earlier were mentioning that, you know, people who may have gained a lot of weight, they'll lose a hundred pounds, but they're still traumatised in their head and their subconscious mind is still traumatised.
00:04:51.820 So they will rebound upwards because they're going to match to what's going on here because you have to come to closure with your trauma.
00:05:03.580 That's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's the goal of all psychological training is it's catharsis.
00:05:11.640 Do you know what catharsis is?
00:05:12.760 Yeah.
00:05:13.140 Catharsis, you should look this up.
00:05:14.380 Catharsis is emotional release and which is coming to closure from your troubled past, your trauma and all those things.
00:05:23.780 And that's why, that's why you, you see somebody who like, how many people, don't you think it goes back to still the person though?
00:05:31.100 And what you choose to do with it instead of the trauma?
00:05:33.560 Because it's like, again, let me, let me finish.
00:05:37.120 Okay.
00:05:37.580 It's like that girl came back from like North Korea. 0.97
00:05:40.900 Yeah.
00:05:41.060 I mean, you've seen that where she came out of North Korea. 0.95
00:05:43.500 She literally was sold as a sex slave to get out in China and she came back and she's like, they were telling her to go to therapy.
00:05:51.100 And she's like, I don't even understand this.
00:05:52.840 She's like, that's out of context.
00:05:54.640 And then she's talking about how her, her, her roommates, like we're going to therapy over their cheating boyfriends.
00:06:01.060 And she's like, I just don't understand this.
00:06:02.660 So the reason roommates are going to.
00:06:04.240 Like, so, so like, isn't it based on, like, I just think it's based on like the person, you know, because I'll know people that like, they're, like he was saying they're siblings and one will turn out great and one will go crazy.
00:06:15.840 Yeah.
00:06:16.080 And then it goes back, but it does go back to the trauma.
00:06:18.540 I'm telling you, it's a big thing right now.
00:06:20.600 And that's reason why, that's why people are so fucked up.
00:06:23.180 And what Pam was saying is true.
00:06:24.980 Like your environments can keep you trapped in your trauma too, as well.
00:06:29.580 Because like, you know, historically speaking too, because not every, because another thing is this, not every therapist is a good therapist.
00:06:37.660 First of all, they just did what needed to be done to get their therapy license.
00:06:42.080 Yeah.
00:06:42.620 Right.
00:06:42.940 I would, I would, as someone, as someone who was in school for, if I failed a class, this podcast got too big.
00:06:49.400 But I did, I did not pass.
00:06:52.220 You know, to be fair, to be fair, to be fair, but, but I, I literally, most of the girls in the psych department are nuts. 1.00
00:06:59.500 Oh my God.
00:07:00.580 I was like, I was looking around and I was just getting a psych degree for fun.
00:07:04.480 I wanted something easy.
00:07:05.660 I was like, I was looking around and I'm like, these are the future therapists of America?
00:07:12.880 But it's, it's not that the bitch is in the, sorry ladies, it's not that the women are, the women in the psych departments are crazy. 1.00
00:07:21.560 They're all fucking crazy.
00:07:22.920 Have you seen the elementary school teacher department?
00:07:25.320 These girls railing coke on the weekends and going, having a wild time.
00:07:30.480 But they handle business when it comes to the children.
00:07:32.520 And I want to say that your point, to my point, was not a valid rebuttal.
00:07:35.760 Because I said, when you hit rock bottom, that's when things start to change.
00:07:39.340 I'm not saying that you don't need closure from your, from your trauma.
00:07:42.440 Absolutely.
00:07:43.000 But you can only seek that, that closure once you hit that rock bottom.
00:07:47.920 So I'm not saying that you don't need closure.
00:07:49.680 I agree.
00:07:50.120 I feel like our points go hand in hand.
00:07:51.800 I don't think that was a valid rebuttal.
00:07:53.280 You know, that for me, so no, it wasn't a rebuttal.
00:07:55.920 I'm sorry.
00:07:56.420 It wasn't a rebuttal, but it was just adding on to the fact that like, because I have seen people who've hit rock bottom and still didn't do what was necessary to change.
00:08:05.580 Which was to, which was to heal that trauma, to come clear, to come to closure with it.
00:08:09.720 Right.
00:08:10.500 But, because I have dealt with people too, who have hit, like I said, they had hit rock bottom, but they just, that was the new home.
00:08:19.060 That was the new home.
00:08:20.160 They stayed there.
00:08:21.440 You know what I mean?
00:08:21.900 I personally have never hit rock bottom with my mental health, but I was miserable enough to be like, yo, this is something else to fucking change.
00:08:30.700 You know what I mean?
00:08:31.720 So, that's my big thing, because I think if we're telling everybody, get out there and hit rock bottom, like, you know, it's just not a good thing.
00:08:41.660 It's not a good thing.
00:08:42.380 But, like, what Pearl and King said, too, you know, there is an absolute truth to that in the sense that we can't sit here and sit around and feel sorry for ourselves.
00:08:52.140 In today's modern times, like, I tell this, guys, I said, to all men, and I don't care what you have to say, but if you're a man, and you're after the age of 35, and you're still financially struggling, it is 10,000% your fault.
00:09:07.520 Because there's every opportunity in the world.
00:09:11.120 I personally have come from every low marker, abject poverty, physically abuse, mentally abuse, emotionally abuse, everything.
00:09:22.100 And I have made millions with my business.
00:09:24.220 And so, for me, if I could do that, if I could do that, you know, I'm an exception to the rule, but I am saying that there's possible.
00:09:35.200 Do you think focusing on trauma makes it worse?
00:09:38.240 Because I just look at the results, okay?
00:09:41.920 I'm not saying there's no exceptions to this.
00:09:44.140 And when I hear girls talk about trauma for years, it just, they don't seem to get better when they're always talking about it. 1.00
00:09:52.480 And they'll do, like, therapy for years.
00:10:00.000 I'm like, this is supposed to be, like, six months.
00:10:02.120 Because they haven't understood.
00:10:03.080 Yes.
00:10:03.520 They haven't understood.
00:10:04.760 Okay, so, I just want to walk through this.
00:10:08.180 I just want to walk through this.
00:10:09.620 So, if I'm in a single, I'm grow up, I'm in a single mother home, okay?
00:10:13.700 And the trauma was that, I don't know, she hit me, and she was abusive until I was, like, say, I don't know, 15, then I moved out.
00:10:22.260 Okay.
00:10:22.620 Now, like, what do you, like, so we talk about it with, I just want to know, step by step.
00:10:26.800 So, I want to just add something before you say something.
00:10:29.620 The majority of therapists, their goal is not to get you better.
00:10:34.480 It's to keep you coming back to the next session.
00:10:36.540 Yeah.
00:10:36.980 First of all.
00:10:37.700 Yeah.
00:10:37.980 Because the majority of therapists, this is why I didn't pursue my doctorate in psychology.
00:10:43.700 The average prescription that they give you in the United States of America is 12 weeks of therapy plus drugs.
00:10:52.100 And I don't agree with that.
00:10:53.420 Does that mean that therapists here do not have that goal?
00:10:55.740 Because it's free, isn't it?
00:10:57.120 We don't pay for our prescriptions or the therapy directly or up front.
00:11:00.020 I mean, if the government's in direct control of it, I don't trust it, personally.
00:11:03.860 Okay.
00:11:04.440 So, it's not money motivated in that sense, if you put it in the UK context.
00:11:07.300 Well, I think it is money motivated because it's subsidized by the government.
00:11:10.920 Okay.
00:11:12.700 They said that I should be on it.
00:11:14.720 I was like, no, I don't want to take it.
00:11:17.220 So, it is a thing.
00:11:18.420 It is a money making scheme, therapy.
00:11:21.560 You're only offered six sessions before you have to do it.
00:11:25.340 To be honest, I've been...
00:11:26.340 Just six sessions.
00:11:27.460 It's been about three years I've been waiting and I ain't had it and I've just...
00:11:31.780 Yeah, all you're waiting for...
00:11:32.980 Okay, when you're going through something, it's best to not focus on it.
00:11:38.320 Like, for example, when I came out of my trauma, I was like, okay, now I know I can see patterns.
00:11:44.140 This is what I do.
00:11:45.340 This is how I am.
00:11:46.900 I'm not going to do them.
00:11:48.120 That's it.
00:11:48.580 And I'm not going to also tell myself, I'm trauma, trauma, keep on moaning about it.
00:11:54.040 Because if you have that mentality, it's impossible.
00:11:56.400 But if you're going to say, do you know what?
00:11:58.000 I've been through that.
00:11:58.840 I'm going to forget it.
00:11:59.880 Old me, new me.
00:12:01.200 I'm going to give myself new habits.
00:12:02.880 I'm going to go for it.
00:12:04.340 It does work.
00:12:05.120 It does change.
00:12:05.920 Things change.
00:12:06.800 Step by step.
00:12:07.400 So, okay, I was beat till I was 15.
00:12:09.700 Now, what do you...
00:12:10.960 So, we go to the therapist and I say, I was beat till I was 15.
00:12:15.520 Are you affected by it in any way?
00:12:18.940 Does it affect you?
00:12:19.620 Of course.
00:12:20.080 That's why we're talking about this example.
00:12:21.360 That's true.
00:12:22.000 So, what they would end up telling you to do is you need to kind of...
00:12:27.920 And it's uncomfortable.
00:12:29.480 But you have to relive those situations.
00:12:31.900 Yeah.
00:12:32.480 Exactly.
00:12:33.260 You've got to relive those situations.
00:12:35.300 And then you need to identify your negative associations with that situation that happened.
00:12:42.060 And then they teach you how to come to peace with it.
00:12:46.020 Because a lot of people...
00:12:46.980 Listen, you know, I knew that woman yesterday who mentioned that she was SA-trafficked, right?
00:12:54.520 And this happens a lot with women who are graped, SA-trafficked, whatever. 1.00
00:13:00.520 They don't really come to peace with what has happened to them.
00:13:04.540 So, that's why she was here.
00:13:06.320 And she, like, had to continuously mention it to us.
00:13:08.860 And we're like a group of strangers, like anybody with kind of regular, you know, functionalities about themselves would kind of keep that private.
00:13:16.660 You know what I mean?
00:13:17.400 If we were trafficked across a place or we were graped for six months in a row.
00:13:23.540 But she had not come to peace with that.
00:13:26.400 And that's also why when I asked her and we had a little bit of conflict, you know, when people...
00:13:32.740 You know, here's a good way to understand if someone's traumatized.
00:13:35.800 If you keep on trying to tell them something, they're like, keep on arguing with you.
00:13:40.040 You tell them, like, calm down.
00:13:40.880 Let me make my point.
00:13:41.760 That's an indicator of a traumatized person.
00:13:44.200 Yeah.
00:13:44.500 I think that's just an indicator...
00:13:46.240 I just think that's an indicator of an asshole.
00:13:48.220 No, no.
00:13:48.680 It is literally...
00:13:49.740 It's their trauma.
00:13:50.440 Listen, their trauma is built up and they can't even help themselves.
00:13:54.660 I couldn't...
00:13:55.300 And they have to, like, come out and say these things over and over again.
00:13:58.460 I kept oversharing.
00:13:59.820 But I was like, okay, we go back and I say, okay, this is what happened.
00:14:03.380 She beat me. 0.98
00:14:04.200 And then, like, then what?
00:14:05.280 So now they say, accept it.
00:14:06.680 I say, okay, I've accepted.
00:14:08.080 So they can't accept it because when you're beaten, it's like, it's literally broken into your mind.
00:14:13.980 In your mind, there's almost a point where you have to, you need to blame somebody or something.
00:14:20.340 So you have to understand that it's not your fault.
00:14:23.520 That you did not bring this on yourself.
00:14:27.280 That was the other person's actions that you didn't have control over.
00:14:30.760 So when you understand that part of the trauma and know that it was nothing that you could have done to prevent that,
00:14:36.860 and it was not your behavior, you are not responsible for other people's behavior.
00:14:41.360 See, I don't know.
00:14:42.500 This stuff might work.
00:14:43.620 Like, in my, in my, but, but, it's just, to me, like, outside looking in, it seems nuts.
00:14:49.980 It's because you're not traumatized.
00:14:51.520 No, no, it's not because, it's because I do these shows and all these girls will tell me about their therapy. 0.86
00:14:55.960 And then they'll still, like, everyone, like, because you guys, you guys, I know, but I'm saying, like,
00:15:00.940 you guys were saying you guys are healed, but you both brought up your trauma on the show.
00:15:04.340 Isn't that you talking about it, which you say you wouldn't do.
00:15:07.120 Because it was context to the situation.
00:15:09.000 Yeah, which is, you know, fine, I'm not.
00:15:10.740 But it just doesn't seem to, like, match with what I see, like, people getting better from this stuff.
00:15:16.260 It might.
00:15:16.880 I don't know.
00:15:17.200 I've never gone through it.
00:15:18.380 I feel like it's, like, it just, it just seems like the majority of people go to therapy and they get worse.
00:15:24.580 No.
00:15:24.880 So, I would agree with you.
00:15:26.340 And, like I said earlier, traditional therapy is not the answer.
00:15:31.060 Right.
00:15:31.560 People, like, I have a friend, okay, and he went to 15 years of CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, right?
00:15:38.760 And he said it resolved about 5% of his traumas.
00:15:42.280 But once he started doing hypnotherapy and getting down to the core issues, because when you're traumatized, okay, when you're traumatized, your subconscious mind, which controls everything about you, that is what is permanently damaged.
00:16:00.500 Yeah.
00:16:00.720 And once that's damaged, it produces a damaged person.
00:16:04.060 That's why you'll take somebody who is addicted to drugs, right?
00:16:06.880 You'll put them in the countryside of Wichita, Kansas.
00:16:09.240 They'll be a farmer or whatever.
00:16:11.500 But somehow, they'll sneak out in the middle of the night and they'll find crack.
00:16:14.680 Yeah.
00:16:15.220 Yeah.
00:16:16.180 Because at their subconscious mind, they're traumatized as who they are.
00:16:20.100 That's their identity.
00:16:21.460 Yeah.
00:16:21.680 You know, and like I said, you were raised in an extremely well, like, healthy household.
00:16:28.260 Same thing with Myron, too.
00:16:29.480 Like, you guys are both, like, you both, like, say, like, trauma's not real and stuff.
00:16:32.960 You know, even Tate, too, right?
00:16:34.340 You guys, all three, are, like, very similar in that sense.
00:16:37.680 But it's hard for non-traumatized people to understand the reality of people who were.
00:16:42.500 Like, I was viciously beaten as a kid.
00:16:44.560 Like, and this is not me trauma dumping, like, oh, feel sorry for me.
00:16:47.460 But, like, you know, when I was, like, eight years old, I got held up against the wall and I was hit repeatedly, previously.
00:16:52.920 I saw my blood splat up against this white wall, right?
00:16:57.000 As an eight-year-old child, nine-year-old child.
00:16:59.300 This happened for a couple years, right?
00:17:02.040 That shit fucks with your reality.
00:17:04.580 It fucks with your permanent perception of reality.
00:17:08.420 And people just, we're still at this point right now where it's just hard to understand these things.
00:17:14.840 And it's hard to overcome them.
00:17:16.280 I was lucky enough to come upon a group of people through my community as I started my YouTube channel.
00:17:21.860 And if you watch my YouTube from now, like, now, watch me in 2019, 2020, I was, like, way more toxic, way more, like, unrefined that I am now.
00:17:31.120 And so it's a very complex puzzle to solve.
00:17:34.380 But if you do do research into understanding the majority of psychological problems that are haunting people right now, it is trauma.
00:17:43.560 And then the goal of all therapy is catharsis, which is emotional release, which brings closure to those traumas.
00:17:50.600 You can kick me off now.
00:17:53.280 I haven't.
00:17:54.180 I haven't.
00:17:54.300 I haven't.
00:17:54.560 I haven't.
00:17:55.120 I haven't.
00:17:55.360 I haven't.
00:17:55.640 I haven't.