JustPearlyThings - The Level of Delusion is SICKENING

00:00:00.000 Coming up next.

00:00:00.940 One of my single friends say, if I don't find the right guy, I'll just, when I'm old and I'm fragile,

00:00:08.460 I'll get all my single girlfriends and we live in the same house and we live happily together.

00:00:12.860 Like, you know, because at that time you need help.

00:00:15.120 Have you ever seen sorority houses?

00:00:17.440 They all fight like mad.

00:00:19.400 Exactly.

00:00:20.360 But I'm just saying, who is it?

00:00:22.040 Is it because the man is not there?

00:00:25.900 Yeah, I think it is.

00:00:27.740 I can't even imagine like life at six.

00:00:30.600 Like, what does life at 60 look like without a man? 0.84

00:00:33.180 So today we are going to talk about being married versus being single for a lifetime.

00:00:40.220 So my first question is, do you think that women can be happy for a lifetime single?

00:00:48.900 No.

00:00:50.540 Starting here and then go around.

00:00:52.640 But we can all go ahead.

00:00:53.820 Go ahead.

00:00:54.100 To be honest, I think it depends on how you have a relationship whilst you're single.

00:01:01.760 Are you single whilst dating?

00:01:03.680 Are you single and still seeking a companionship?

00:01:07.400 Or are you just solely by yourself?

00:01:09.260 And I feel like if you're solely by yourself, I don't think you can actually 100% be happy on your own.

00:01:14.940 I don't think you have to be married to be happy in particular, but I do feel like you would need some kind of companionship, whether that's a long lasting one or one that lasts two or three years.

00:01:26.520 But I feel like everyone seeks to have that kind of someone that they can share part of their life with.

00:01:32.880 I think the main mission of women is to be in love. 1.00

00:01:39.180 And when you're not in love, you will never be happy.

00:01:42.360 You can have a career, you can be in Forbes, you can have millions, but when you're not in love, you have one gap inside you and you will be very looking for this because we're born to be in love.

00:01:54.960 It's our main mission, even not to be a mother, to be in love.

00:01:59.900 Okay.

00:02:01.740 Yeah, sort of echo what everyone is saying.

00:02:04.240 So I feel that no one wants to be lonely, really.

00:02:08.820 I don't think anyone wants to be lonely.

00:02:10.860 And I think even if you have everything in life materialistic ways, you want to share it with someone, whether it's family, a companion.

00:02:18.440 And so, yeah, whether it's a husband or your life partner, definitely something that adds value to life because we want to share our happiness.

00:02:27.540 So, yeah, I agree.

00:02:32.220 For me, there is millions answer for this question because there is millions factors that indicate and bring happiness.

00:02:45.640 And has a different definition for being single.

00:02:51.280 But if the single, your question means not being in a relationship with someone, and which sort of relationship, marriage, being a partner, friendship?

00:03:01.840 So, yeah, so when I say single, I say not in a long-term relationship or married.

00:03:05.780 I know some people do like the seven, eight-year relationships.

00:03:08.300 I think that's a little different, but single for a lifetime or constantly between relationships.

00:03:14.180 Why not?

00:03:15.280 Of course.

00:03:16.140 There is no rules that anyone must marry to be happy.

00:03:20.900 I think there is no fixed rule.

00:03:23.560 Many people are single and happy.

00:03:25.780 And many people are not single and are in a relationship and happy.

00:03:31.000 So, for me, why not?

00:03:33.560 Of course.

00:03:34.400 Okay.

00:03:35.340 Yeah, I think it's possible, but very unlikely.

00:03:38.920 Yeah, like, I don't think women in general, and I think you can see that because women get on antidepressants when we're old and single over the age of 45. 0.87

00:03:47.300 That's, like, the most women you see on antidepressants. 0.99

00:03:50.200 But for me as a healthcare professional, I met many people, many patients, many clients that are single.

00:03:59.060 And they're happy, but what is the definition of happy?

00:04:03.380 You know, it's very vague.

00:04:06.040 That is a very good point, yeah.

00:04:07.980 Defined as how, if a scale of one to ten, how much you're happy.

00:04:14.200 You know, if you say happy, it's just very vague for me.

00:04:17.200 Yeah, I think women can be happy single till their looks fade. 1.00

00:04:20.240 I think that's typically when the happiness goes, in my opinion.

00:04:24.800 Yeah.

00:04:25.560 Interesting.

00:04:26.080 Go ahead.

00:04:26.420 This is a question for the women, right? 1.00

00:04:30.380 No, what do you think?

00:04:31.580 No, no, that's a question for you.

00:04:32.840 I mean, you're 40, 41?

00:04:35.180 42, yeah.

00:04:35.440 42, okay.

00:04:36.840 And you've seen women that stayed single, right?

00:04:39.640 Yeah.

00:04:39.860 So what's your opinion?

00:04:40.620 Do you think women can stay single and happy for a lifetime? 1.00

00:04:44.740 I would say for a man or a woman, I mean, happiness comes from within, but I think it is.

00:04:52.560 I think when you get older, you start seeing your parents pass away, your grandparents pass

00:04:56.940 away, and you get lonely.

00:04:59.480 What happens when you get sick?

00:05:01.380 I know when I got sick, my wife helped me when I was bleeding, sick.

00:05:07.400 You know, she helped me.

00:05:08.680 She helped me when I couldn't stand up.

00:05:10.340 And when I got out of the hospital, my daughter was there and my wife was there.

00:05:14.860 I couldn't imagine someone going through something where they get sick and they don't have a wife

00:05:21.780 and daughter.

00:05:22.200 So I would say you might feel happy when you're single and alone, but what are you going to

00:05:29.520 do when your wife, you know, your boys, your girls, they got married, they get married, they

00:05:33.640 get family, and they got kids, and, you know, they move on.

00:05:37.180 Once your friends start getting married and having kids, you're going to start seeing a

00:05:40.600 little bit of distance, I think.

00:05:42.540 And that's natural.

00:05:43.880 Yeah.

00:05:46.140 Literally, following on from what this gentleman is saying, I agree.

00:05:48.980 And taking points of what everyone has said, it's like, what is happiness first and foremost?

00:05:54.640 And yes, we're, you know, centering this conversation around women, but I think it applies equally

00:05:59.820 to men.

00:06:00.660 A man, and you were saying, as their looks fades, beauty, it doesn't mean one thing for 0.72

00:06:06.260 women and one thing for men. 1.00

00:06:07.740 We're all physical beings.

00:06:09.280 Our beauty and our looks fade over time equally.

00:06:12.280 No, they do not.

00:06:13.380 Women's looks fade much quicker than that. 1.00

00:06:15.840 Not necessarily.

00:06:16.080 But if you look at, even if they've done studies on facial elasticity, so it's how

00:06:19.880 much men's, like, the wrinkles in your skin come, women versus men.

00:06:23.400 Women wrinkle faster than men. 1.00

00:06:25.320 Okay, fair point.

00:06:26.340 However, I stand on the point that I'm saying that, you know, taking away the point you're

00:06:31.320 making about beauty, even if you're not married and you choose to be a single person in terms

00:06:36.840 of when you tick the box, you are single.

00:06:39.420 Even if you tick the box and you're cohabiting or, you know, you have a partner.

00:06:42.460 I think there's a longing within everybody.

00:06:44.900 Everybody wants to know that they are cared for by somebody, that they are loved by somebody,

00:06:48.560 that somebody is going to take care of them in their time of need.

00:06:51.300 So I don't think it applies to women. 0.98

00:06:53.920 I think men as well.

00:06:54.700 Even if men are alone, you can earn all the money that you want.

00:06:57.880 You can buy all the big houses, but you're going to buy a big house and live in it alone.

00:07:00.920 Is that going to make you happy?

00:07:02.020 You can buy the big, fast cars and drive them alone.

00:07:04.280 Are you going to be happy?

00:07:05.220 Because I've thought about this, right?

00:07:06.820 And I kind of go, I go both sides because sometimes I think of Hugh Hefner.

00:07:11.680 Was that man unhappy?

00:07:13.900 I think so.

00:07:15.000 I've seen Hugh Hefner on a Wednesday night at Concord.

00:07:18.820 No way.

00:07:19.600 Yeah.

00:07:20.120 A nightclub in Hollywood around 2004.

00:07:22.940 And I remember seeing Hugh Hefner with like on a Tuesday night, like five women.

00:07:29.440 I don't know if he was deep down happy or not, but he seemed like he was having a good time.

00:07:34.620 Yeah.

00:07:35.020 But I don't know.

00:07:35.860 Well, because it's like we have this idea that like men are, if they don't get married and have kids,

00:07:40.540 they'll be lonely too.

00:07:42.040 And I just don't see it the same for men and for women.

00:07:44.720 I think women get much more lonely the older they get. 0.99

00:07:46.980 I don't think so.

00:07:49.320 Because I feel like men, when they lose their spouses, they tend to actually become more

00:07:55.060 depressant, entering the depression, actually women losing their spouses.

00:08:00.000 So, and even when it comes to family.

00:08:02.240 Yeah.

00:08:02.440 I don't think that's the same though, because that's like the loss of a partner.

00:08:05.940 That's not never getting a partner.

00:08:07.920 Oh, so your question is if a woman never gets a partner. 1.00

00:08:10.920 Yeah.

00:08:11.240 If she ends up single.

00:08:12.860 Oh, okay.

00:08:13.800 I think my point is, it depends on the community she has and the other relationships she has. 0.52

00:08:21.380 I get it.

00:08:22.300 There is this thing about, but there are so many women who are married and not happy as 1.00

00:08:28.000 well, right?

00:08:28.520 Like, you know, so when we say about single woman being happy, my question then arises is,

00:08:34.960 have you got those relationships?

00:08:36.880 Like I'm from a very big family and I, I tell you from friends to my neighbors, to everybody,

00:08:44.200 like right now I'm single.

00:08:45.800 I've been married for 18 years.

00:08:47.560 I am much happier right now than I've ever been.

00:08:50.820 And if you ask me, would I rather be with the person with him?

00:08:55.320 I'm miserable or not because, you know, it also about compatibility and stuff like that.

00:09:01.100 But as a single woman right now, I feel like it's about compatibility with the men as well,

00:09:07.220 because obviously a man or the other person can't make, keep you happy all the time either.

00:09:12.200 So when we are talking about our happiness, then it comes from within.

00:09:16.880 So if it comes from within, I think the only thing I would say then the odd is, okay,

00:09:23.500 that physical connection with somebody you can hug and say, this is the person, it's mine.

00:09:28.220 But anything else, you know, if you want to go for a cup of coffee, a man probably doesn't, 1.00

00:09:33.920 might not want to do it at that time.

00:09:36.260 Sorry, no, go ahead.

00:09:37.300 So I was just saying, you can go by yourself and have that coffee.

00:09:42.100 Do you translate that as single yourself, although you are still in a relationship with someone?

00:09:46.880 So my point is, a woman can stay single and happy. 0.96

00:09:51.800 It's just how you're interpreting it in the sense of, like, a woman cannot stay single.

00:10:00.940 If she has really good relationships around her, her girlfriends could be her closest friends.

00:10:06.460 Like one of my single friends say, if I don't find the right guy, I'll just, when I'm old and I'm fragile,

00:10:13.480 I'll get all my single girlfriends and we'll live in the same house and we'll live happily together.

00:10:18.500 Like, you know, because at that time you need help.

00:10:20.840 Have you ever seen sorority houses?

00:10:22.940 They all fight like men.

00:10:25.060 Exactly.

00:10:25.980 But I'm just saying, who is it?

00:10:27.680 Is it because the man is not there?

00:10:31.540 Yeah, yeah, I think it is.

00:10:33.680 I can't even imagine, like, life at six.

00:10:36.220 Like, what does life at 60 look like without a man? 0.84

00:10:38.400 I'm basically, I disagree with this statement that men brings happiness.

00:10:46.380 It's a very old and classic statement and phrases that they said, happiness should come through the within of you.

00:10:53.980 May I?

00:10:54.840 And it should come, you have to be happy.

00:10:59.260 You find happiness, definition of happiness in your life.

00:11:02.300 And if there is a gentleman wants to come to your life, they will add something to that.

00:11:08.480 Not because they bring the happiness.

00:11:10.740 They will add something.

00:11:12.280 Well, my point is I don't think women typically are happy over a certain age with no man or kids. 0.94

00:11:18.180 I think women get happiness from relationships. 1.00

00:11:20.320 And when women don't have relationships, I just don't, I don't think that they're happy. 1.00

00:11:23.740 When people are in a relationship and are unhappy, I don't see any, you know, scientific logic behind this sentence that we need a man at a certain age.

00:11:34.220 Well, I'll say, like, what I would say to indicate that is that women are in antidepressants at a higher rate when they don't get married and they don't have children.

00:11:42.480 Like, that is the single most, like, most medicated group.

00:11:45.760 This is what they choose, you know.

00:11:47.660 This is why they select.

00:11:49.280 They want to be, why should everyone be a mother? 1.00

00:11:52.260 May I?

00:11:52.600 Why should everyone die?

00:11:53.780 Yeah, I'm not, I'm not saying every person has to be a mother, but the majority of women wanted kids. 1.00

00:11:58.940 So the majority of women that don't have kids, like, initially wanted kids. 1.00

00:12:05.060 I, you know, in science or in my part, you have to bring the numbers and you have to bring them, you know, you have to bring some, a very strong logic.

00:12:18.340 When you said majority of women, where? 1.00

00:12:20.920 Well, they surveyed, they surveyed, they surveyed, they surveyed a couple thousand women. 0.91

00:12:25.180 I can't remember the exact institution, but it was a college in the U.S.

00:12:28.020 They surveyed, I think, 3000 to 5000 women asking if they wanted, that were single and did not have kids, asking if they wanted kids.

00:12:34.940 And I want to say it was 80, 85, I can't, off the top of my head, 85, so yes.

00:12:39.200 In many countries, the rate of, you know, having a child is, goes negative, you know, so they are not happy.

00:12:46.200 Correct, you're right, you're right.

00:12:47.120 So they are not happy, they are happy.

00:12:48.740 Well, I do, I do think, I do think it has short-term happiness.

00:12:52.820 I absolutely do.

00:12:53.840 I think there's, what does it mean, short-term happiness?

00:12:55.540 Short-term happiness, that means they're happy now, but they're not happy in the long term.

00:12:59.200 Because, again, life, life looks really different at, at 60 than it does at 25, at 35.

00:13:06.300 Go ahead.

00:13:06.560 Pearl, I actually think that most women don't really know what happy is. 0.99

00:13:12.360 But I actually read a statistic that showed that women are the happiest when they're given a blowjob. 1.00

00:13:19.740 What? 1.00

00:13:23.140 Oh, really?

00:13:24.480 Pearl, may I interrupt?

00:13:25.380 No, but it's actually real.

00:13:27.940 Oh, go ahead.

00:13:28.520 Yeah, go ahead.

00:13:29.460 Yeah, go ahead.

00:13:30.100 So, predominantly, I think we have middle-aged women here, all may be married, divorced, 0.99

00:13:36.160 we're in that situation where I think most of us are divorced at the moment.

00:13:41.760 And I think we're kidding ourselves when we're saying we're going to be happy without a man 0.99

00:13:46.300 and that we don't need to get married.

00:13:47.840 We need a man.

00:13:49.580 I don't think no one is saying that here.

00:13:52.200 What was the question?

00:13:53.240 Can women be happy for a lifetime single? 1.00

00:13:57.640 No, they cannot.

00:13:58.440 They cannot.

00:13:59.120 So, if any, like, most, I think, have said, yes, they can.

00:14:02.220 No, they cannot.

00:14:03.000 Because when they're single, they're still looking.

00:14:05.020 They're on dating websites.

00:14:07.060 And, you know, you're like, you said you were 43 and you're happy and you're single

00:14:13.120 and you're, because you're beautiful.

00:14:15.580 You're still beautiful.

00:14:16.280 But you will age, you will get older, comes health and, you know, you will need a partner.

00:14:22.200 But who guaranteed it, that partner will be there when I needed him, you know, in terms of that happiness?

00:14:30.660 Because I feel like one man cannot provide you with everything.

00:14:35.240 If you have a community of people, if you have lots of amazing relationships.

00:14:39.360 It's commitment.

00:14:40.100 Commitment is man.

00:14:40.900 I'm not saying, see, there are other needs that a man can fulfill for a woman.

00:14:48.360 Yes, they are there.

00:14:49.620 But happiness is not the grounding for, oh, I need to have a man because he's going to make me happy.

00:14:58.320 You have to make yourself happy.

00:15:00.000 You have to learn to love yourself, make yourself happy.

00:15:02.540 Yeah, there are other needs, obviously.

00:15:05.040 But God made a man because you cannot fulfill that gap.

00:15:08.260 See, that's what I believe.

00:15:10.060 I believe you will need a man eventually.

00:15:12.460 I personally think, my personal experience, after being in a marriage for 18 years, I always see men as like a security for me.

00:15:20.320 Coming from an Asian background, it's always just like he's my back.

00:15:26.580 So other men can't approach me.

00:15:29.060 I feel safe.

00:15:30.000 I feel protected.

00:15:30.940 That's something I can say, yes, a man can provide for life.

00:15:35.580 And when I become single, I'm exposed to all these men because I'm single now.

00:15:39.880 So I've learned, I've learned for men to approach me and I've done so much self-work and growth.

00:15:45.380 If a man approaches me, like, no, I'm not available.

00:15:48.400 I'm in a relationship.

00:15:49.580 It's you.

00:15:50.360 You need to work on your self-love and you need to, your self-control.

00:15:54.740 So if somebody comes to you and wants you, no, I'm in a relationship.

00:15:58.140 Absolutely.

00:15:58.540 You can say that, but what I'm saying is once you're married, you just have that, okay, that's my protection there.

00:16:05.060 That's my security.

00:16:05.960 Maybe it's the way I've been raised as well.

00:16:08.400 Like, you know, so for me, that urge of, okay, having that protection or leaning on someone when you're finding, like, as a single mom challenges around kids and stuff, who can I lean on?

00:16:19.960 So it's interesting.

00:16:20.880 I just, you know what I wonder, cause like, then who, if you don't get married, who takes care of you?

00:16:26.500 Your community.

00:16:27.100 You can take care of yourself.

00:16:28.840 But we are mature people.

00:16:30.600 Why we are...

00:16:31.480 Well, no, but I'm saying at some point you're going to have health, everyone does.

00:16:34.680 But can I just say something?

00:16:36.360 We don't need men to be nice.

00:16:37.400 There's a difference between a woman choosing to be single, because I feel that... 0.86

00:16:43.860 It's always a choice for women. 1.00

00:16:45.840 It is always a choice.

00:16:46.720 For men as well.

00:16:47.440 It's a choice for men as well.

00:16:48.300 No, no, it's not.

00:16:49.160 Not when one out of three men are sexless.

00:16:54.620 It's not a choice.

00:16:55.900 It's not when, like, there's a whole group of men that have no choice because no women want them.

00:17:01.280 Most men didn't even reproduce historically. 0.91

00:17:03.000 Only 40% of men reproduced.

00:17:05.800 But how does that take away from the...

00:17:08.600 Because, again, because women, what... 1.00

00:17:10.960 All right, now, in modern times, what starts relationships? 0.58

00:17:14.460 Sex, right? 0.92

00:17:15.260 Women are in control of sex. 1.00

00:17:16.740 There's always someone willing to sleep with a woman. 1.00

00:17:19.320 There's always someone willing to date a woman. 0.85

00:17:21.700 That is true.

00:17:22.180 Always.

00:17:22.600 There's not always someone willing to date a man, right?

00:17:25.860 That may be true.

00:17:26.620 So, therefore, women always have choice. 1.00

00:17:28.520 Men do not. 0.98

00:17:29.260 Okay, let me tell you why that is true and also not true.

00:17:33.040 Okay.

00:17:33.300 Because in the beginning, yes, you're right.

00:17:35.520 A woman does have control of the sex part in terms of, like, introducing sex. 1.00

00:17:40.960 But once the sex relationship is established, the power dynamics completely change.

00:17:45.620 You're right.

00:17:46.060 You're right.

00:17:46.640 You're right.

00:17:47.240 But my point is, where does it start?

00:17:49.480 And you may be...

00:17:50.620 Some of you guys are a bit older, but in modern times, in modern times, in most relationships

00:17:55.100 start with sex. 0.73

00:17:56.520 No. 0.86

00:17:57.020 If you...

00:17:57.580 Yes, they do.

00:17:58.180 I may...

00:17:58.680 Maybe...

00:17:59.180 In Tinder...

00:18:00.600 Dating apps are the number one way people are meeting under the age of 30.

00:18:04.500 Yeah.

00:18:04.640 Come on, you know.

00:18:05.640 Because we can't speak from a personal experience because we have to speak.

00:18:09.880 Right, right, right.

00:18:10.940 It's beginning from a general experience.

00:18:12.080 Yeah.

00:18:12.440 Yeah.

00:18:12.700 So, I understand that.

00:18:14.020 But we can't ignore the fact that the power dynamics do change with men in terms of they

00:18:18.640 take leadership of where the relationship will go.

00:18:21.480 Most women actually wait on a man to define the relationship, whether where we are, where 1.00

00:18:28.840 are we?

00:18:29.380 But women... 1.00

00:18:29.940 But we pick the type of men we date, right?

00:18:31.880 Oh, 100%.

00:18:32.320 So, you either pick a marriage-minded guy or you don't.

00:18:34.940 It's true.

00:18:35.540 That's true as well.

00:18:36.400 That's very true.

00:18:37.320 But what I'm saying in terms of, like, waiting until you're 60, you could, for example, I

00:18:41.260 was in a relationship for 13 years, was married, but I got married quite young.

00:18:47.180 Well, some would say I'm young, 24 years old.

00:18:49.100 And then in my late 20s, I was my first partner from the time I was 16 years old.

00:18:54.760 So, I start actually dating dating at the age of 28, right?

00:18:58.440 And now I'm in my mid-30s.

00:18:59.980 Now, I've only been, let's say, single roughly around six years.

00:19:05.260 So, now I'm now looking for a relationship because I love love.

00:19:08.660 I want to be in a relationship.

00:19:10.000 I want to be married again.

00:19:11.380 I love companionship.

00:19:12.480 I believe in the idea.

00:19:13.420 I believe in the idea.

00:19:15.280 But I can find a partner and we may be married for, like, 20 years.

00:19:20.160 So, let's say 45, 55.

00:19:22.460 I'm not saying I'm not putting that into the atmosphere.

00:19:24.100 I hope that is for life.

00:19:25.520 But let's say we may be married for 20 years and anything can happen.

00:19:29.800 It might be a loss.

00:19:31.360 People lose, you know, I lost my close friend, my best friend in January and her partner now

00:19:35.660 is a widow, for example.

00:19:37.080 And he's only in his, they're both in the mid-30s.

00:19:39.480 So, anything can happen.

00:19:40.500 And it could be life, we're not the same people as we are 10 years ago.

00:19:45.700 One of the reasons.

00:19:46.020 I don't think that matters, though.

00:19:47.780 I don't think it matters if you're the same people.

00:19:48.420 I think it matters because you know why?

00:19:50.240 Because I say, oh, 100% it matters.

00:19:52.180 I'm going to go to that point.

00:19:53.180 But what I'm trying to say is, so now you're 55, for whatever reason now, the separation,

00:19:58.700 you know, is done.

00:20:01.220 I don't think that you take away your experience that you've had for the past 20 years.

00:20:06.520 So, you've had a good 20 years of experience.

00:20:08.420 It's just like many people, like our grandparents, a lot of them lose their partners, but they

00:20:12.860 still are, you know, yeah, they become lonely, but sometimes it's not all about choices.

00:20:19.140 Sometimes things in life happen as humans, we're human individually.

00:20:22.840 Well, no, but I would say the majority of single women, it's a choice. 1.00

00:20:26.300 I mean, we could talk about being a widow.

00:20:28.240 That's an exception.

00:20:29.120 But the rule is it's a choice.

00:20:30.420 Women leave relationships. 1.00

00:20:31.560 Men don't. 0.98

00:20:31.820 Well, I do.

00:20:32.560 There's context behind that.

00:20:33.940 No one leaves.

00:20:34.640 I think women will always make up a reason. 1.00

00:20:36.900 There's always some reason, like grow apart.

00:20:38.920 Marriage isn't about growing apart.

00:20:40.440 It's not about liking your partner.

00:20:41.600 It's about duty.

00:20:42.780 A hundred percent.

00:20:43.640 So, when the duties, exactly.

00:20:45.260 So, both men, so I have a role in my marriage and the man has a role in his marriage.

00:20:50.360 So, what if the man is not fulfilling those marriages?

00:20:52.820 And remember.

00:20:53.160 But then it's like, it's so hypocritical because it's like, well, women are supposed to be virgins on their wedding night. 0.58

00:20:58.340 Most women are virgins on their wedding night. 1.00

00:21:00.000 So, we're not perfect either.

00:21:01.540 But yet, we expect perfection from our husbands.

00:21:03.720 No, there's no perfection.

00:21:04.940 No one's expecting perfection.

00:21:06.480 I literally just asked.

00:21:07.780 There are duties.

00:21:09.040 I'm not perfect, neither is he.

00:21:10.700 No one's talking about perfections here.

00:21:12.680 We're talking about standard expectations within a marriage.

00:21:16.060 So, if that man, for example, because you said people change, people, I mean, the matter of changing doesn't exist.

00:21:25.120 For someone, I've got to be able to.

00:21:26.040 No, I didn't say it doesn't exist.

00:21:26.500 I mean, it doesn't exist, but it doesn't.

00:21:27.720 I said, I implied it was a silly reason for divorce.

00:21:31.280 The reason why I say that, for example, I met my partner at 16 years old.

00:21:34.840 Right.

00:21:35.120 In college.

00:21:35.760 Yes.

00:21:35.980 Right.

00:21:36.640 When you meet someone at 16, we're both kids, what you're looking for a partner when you're 16 is completely different when you become an adult.

00:21:44.940 You know, who now knows in a way what they want because they become, they come into their own adult or they, you know, who they are as a person.

00:21:53.060 So, in that time, as we're growing up, when we became adults, we got to a point where we both knew in a way, because I think someone mentioned about compatibility, right?

00:22:03.740 There is more to marriage and relationships than love.

00:22:07.240 There's other thing that constitutes marriage.

00:22:09.220 We both didn't understand what constituted marriage, maybe because of our age at the time.

00:22:13.640 We didn't have, we weren't equipped with the right mindset when we got into the situation because it's not just, oh, I love you.

00:22:19.900 Let's get married.

00:22:20.640 So, what does, what does that mean though?

00:22:21.840 I need a specific example.

00:22:22.760 So, what I'm saying to you is if you, if two people that are not compatible end up in the marriage, there are things that are going to happen eventually that's going to bring up issues.

00:22:31.780 It's either resentment towards each other because one person is expecting that person to mirror the other person that's going, and that goes vice versa between male and women.

00:22:38.360 What is the, can I have a specific example of what this means?

00:22:41.320 Because I, it's just, this is very broad, so I need, I need to.

00:22:43.680 Okay.

00:22:43.940 So, for example, a man, for example, you're in a relationship and let's say you start earning more than your partner because we're growing slightly more than your partner.

00:22:53.840 You know, you both grow halves on each other, but for some reason that man feels less than a man because he's earning less than you.

00:23:03.520 Now, this is nothing really that I can actually do because that's an individual thing for a person to do.

00:23:09.960 Well, I would ask why he feels that way because a lot of times what women do is they throw it in the guy's face and they constantly bring it. 0.96

00:23:15.900 A lot of women do. 1.00

00:23:17.040 A lot of women do. 1.00

00:23:18.140 But I'm not, I'm not talking about you though.

00:23:20.560 It's wrong and it's unfair and I think.

00:23:23.300 I'm not, but I'm not talking about, a lot of women do, but I think sometimes as well, we have to be very balanced in terms of sometimes we push this narrative that women, there's a hundred percent toxic women that you're speaking of, but we're not talking in this context.

00:23:37.740 So there are, there are sometimes that men within themselves feel that they haven't found themselves, which is in a way in our twenties, we're still finding ourselves and then they may feel inferior because they might be earning less.

00:23:48.900 I've never heard a guy talk about finding himself.

00:23:51.240 That's like, that's like, that's like a, that's like a, I've heard guys talk about maturing, but I've, I've.

00:23:57.660 But that's, that's maturing.

00:23:58.840 It's finding yourself.

00:23:59.740 It's finding yourself.

00:23:59.760 It's finding yourself.

00:24:00.760 No, no, no, no.

00:24:01.760 Yes.

00:24:02.380 Yes.

00:24:02.720 Typically when men talk about finding themselves is because they've heard it a lot from women and they know that that is a language that works with women.

00:24:08.620 So most of the time they're just lying to you because they want to get something from you.

00:24:12.060 Can I, can I interject?

00:24:12.920 That's a language.

00:24:13.460 Can I interject?

00:24:14.040 I'm sorry.

00:24:14.580 When you're talking about, um, they've heard it from women. 1.00

00:24:16.660 Sometimes it's not, it could be a very, it could be various circumstances that come about that a man has to find himself.

00:24:22.620 It could be, yes, he's come out of a relationship.

00:24:24.420 It could be, he's trying to find the right career path to go down.

00:24:27.380 It could be, it could be, it could be a religious, from a religious perspective, he needs to look within himself to, to, you know, become this greater being.

00:24:34.880 It's not just, and we're putting a lot of things, oh, it's the woman, it's the woman, and not a woman throwing something in the mouth. 1.00

00:24:39.800 The reason we say it's the woman, because the data indicates that it is.

00:24:43.480 But that's the data.

00:24:44.480 The data has no context.

00:24:45.980 So the data, the data talks about who files for a divorce.

00:24:49.060 You can just look it up.

00:24:50.060 But there's no context.

00:24:51.060 There's no context to that.

00:24:52.980 What do you mean there's no context?

00:24:54.180 For example, you, what I'm saying to you is, you said statistics, statistics might be fact, in the Western world, because that's what the stick, but I don't know.

00:25:00.480 Yeah, UK and US.

00:25:01.680 The UK and US, okay.

00:25:04.260 But there is no context as to the reasons why, because I'll tell you something, why I, why I'm saying this, a woman will stick more in a relationship, a toxic relationship, an abusive relationship, for many, many, many, many, many, many more years than a man would.

00:25:19.920 Women pick toxic relationships. 1.00

00:25:21.920 They don't pick it.

00:25:23.100 Yes, they do.

00:25:24.100 Yes, they do.

00:25:25.100 Yes, they do.

00:25:26.100 So do men.

00:25:27.100 How do you, how do you, how do you get into a relationship with someone if you don't pick them?

00:25:29.100 Because people change.

00:25:30.100 People change.

00:25:31.100 No, this is like an excuse.

00:25:32.100 This is an excuse I hear women. 1.00

00:25:33.100 Can I, can I say something?

00:25:34.100 This is an excuse.

00:25:35.100 Hold on.

00:25:36.100 Can I, can I, can I finish my point?

00:25:37.100 Can I, can I finish my point?

00:25:38.100 If they, man.

00:25:39.100 No problem.

00:25:40.100 This is an excuse that women use, this is an excuse that women use to justify picking poorly. 1.00

00:25:46.100 90% of the time when women are in toxic relationships, it's because they didn't get their father's advice, their brother's advice, or their friend's advice. 0.69

00:25:54.100 Half the time, everybody is warning them, telling them not to date them, and they do anything.

00:25:59.100 Yeah, you are, Perra, are you the same person you were ten years ago?

00:26:01.100 You, Am, am I the same person?

00:26:02.100 Are you the same person?

00:26:03.100 I would say I have very similar traits than I did ten years ago.

00:26:06.100 Can I, can I say, can I, I, I, I, I think, no one is ten years the same.

00:26:11.100 And, and, and, and, and I, I, and I just think, I don't think, I don't think, I don't think this stuff matters.

00:26:15.100 It really does.

00:26:16.100 Like, I just think.

00:26:17.100 Because nobody, when you take vows, it's for better or for worse, and sickness, and it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not for when, for when we grow apart, no.

00:26:24.100 But that's not the reason why.

00:26:25.100 Can I say something?

00:26:26.100 I'm not a man obviously but I think a man will leave if he's not if it's not 100% there and he

00:26:33.220 doesn't want to be with you he will leave he would cheat he would disrespect you he will not call you

00:26:37.800 he will not return those messages he's left he's not interested you're holding on to something

00:26:42.440 you're you're almost like begging to be with somebody you're trying to make this work a woman 1.00

00:26:47.220 will do that but a man has already left and but the men don't leave the majority of the time

00:26:52.520 when they're cheating when they're speaking to somebody else but again it's only it's only

00:26:59.680 it's only a small percentage of men that can cheat it's a very small percentage of men that actually

00:27:04.720 can I can I add dynamic I want to know where these facts are coming from to be honest

00:27:09.300 to be honest it also takes it also takes courage and good that you're saying that a lot of women

00:27:17.340 are the one who leaves it takes courage to leave a relationship no I disagree it does

00:27:24.500 especially in a society that sees you know it takes courage to do the easy thing no

00:27:30.660 what's the easy thing the easy thing is to leave

00:27:34.620 why why is that easy it's hard it's hard it's hard it's hard it's hard to stick it out oh my god

00:27:44.780 it's not easy it's hard no no no no no let's answer the question

00:27:49.180 this is the this is the crazy thing this is the crazy thing

00:27:55.780 the thing is what I want to say is because you're making it personal when it's not personal

00:28:01.560 no no no no let me have a general conversation with you because I asked Pearl I'm having a really

00:28:07.920 normal constructive um conversation with you I shared my experience within my marriage and I said

00:28:12.680 to you I got with someone that was 16 we were both young yeah and I think at 16 like I said your your

00:28:18.440 your views and relationship in terms of what you want is very different when you're thinking

00:28:21.720 I understand your point of view that if a woman at a certain age when they're adults now should 0.96

00:28:28.960 make now healthier choices and better decisions so when they do make those choices as adults they

00:28:35.360 should make you know healthier and better decisions so when they are in the marriage that

00:28:39.940 that marriage actually is a healthy marriage I understand that point of view but when I'm giving you

00:28:44.660 examples I'm saying that there's a lot of context behind your so-called statistics that you get

00:28:48.680 from wherever you get but when I ask you are you married it's not a dig at you it's because you

00:28:54.220 can only speak of what like our knowledge and our experience our knowledge is only can I just finish

00:29:00.740 sorry I don't think I don't think I don't think the person I don't think I don't think the person

00:29:04.420 say I don't think the person I don't think that the person saying something matters is it true or is

00:29:10.960 it not true is it harder to stick something out or to leave like you can only know it makes no sense

00:29:18.680 unless you've been in someone's shoes what's the question you want to ask if she was married so if

00:29:23.620 she if she's been married if she's been married what's the thing is it's the experience so she's

00:29:28.320 married that she would understand and I want to say wear her perspective because usually women 1.00

00:29:32.300 do you know why do you know why because women usually that haven't been married are usually the 1.00

00:29:36.740 women that come at women that have been married it's usually the case so no let me say something 1.00

00:29:41.860 to you no happily married people no ever my point is my point is my point is my point is if you say

00:29:50.900 have you been married it makes complete sense okay can you change your question then let me just make

00:29:56.040 my point is if you ask her have you been married and you don't follow it up with a question I just did

00:30:01.600 you know what was the question she didn't even answer no no so I don't know what she answered

00:30:06.360 everything she needs to answer the question it doesn't matter you've never let me say what I

00:30:09.520 want to say okay go on speak you've asked her have you been married I did which isn't really

00:30:14.580 necessarily relevant in your opinion are you gonna let me speak you've asked her have you been

00:30:21.180 married which is not necessarily relevant to what we're talking about because some of us are married

00:30:26.460 so we're talking about marriage we're talking about marriage you guys stop stop stop stop stop

00:30:33.220 stop over talking my producer I'm just trying to get a point across you're not even letting me speak

00:30:37.220 my point is we were yes the general topic is about marriage but we were on a particular trajectory

00:30:43.420 within the discussion and then you brought up have you been married to this to derail that

00:30:48.140 conversation because if you're asking if she's been married what is the relevance of that to what

00:30:52.940 we're talking about in this very second so you'd have to ask that then follow it up with a relevant

00:30:57.740 question or then it's a dig no answer sorry go on and I say this respectfully women are meant

00:31:05.420 to be quiet docile and submissive in almost every case when you see a woman is the opposite of that 0.99

00:31:14.240 it's a for example for example what's your name in the white in the white top right it's a put-off

00:31:20.260 a man doesn't want a woman like that go ahead no it's just it's just an observation and to the

00:31:26.900 earlier point about you know the question that you said earlier I was actually once driving my date home 1.00

00:31:34.180 and she said to me I don't need a man I said are you sure she said yeah I said so get the fuck out the 1.00

00:31:42.900 car and hitchhiked turned out she got kidnapped and that's a great example of why women need men 1.00

00:31:52.440 excuse me I just wants to add something in my opinion the woman coming to the relationship 1.00

00:32:01.760 with many reasons either I'm finding it really hard to keep a straight face I'm sorry I'm finding this

00:32:10.480 so hilarious either they want to fill the gap in their life because they feel they are not enough

00:32:18.680 at themselves are they either they want to add something to their life they think I'm good I'm

00:32:25.800 in a good point I know myself I work on myself I'm fulfilled you know I don't need someone else to give

00:32:33.200 me that positive energy you know bring something to me but I want I would love to someone come to my life

00:32:39.400 as a man and add something like when the child coming add something and a good friends coming

00:32:44.820 add something and you have a good brother and sister they add something to our life

00:32:48.820 and the same the men and women can go out of their relationship for many reasons

00:32:56.580 it can be because they are not compatible because there is first of the time you know when they meet

00:33:02.500 each other or with each other there's a loss of hormone engage and when the hormones suppressed

00:33:07.560 during the time they said oh she's not thinking like me he's not behaving the way I want you know

00:33:13.920 we are two different personalities doesn't mean if we are good or bad we are just different

00:33:18.560 or negative things they are cheating um they are you know at the really to the point that's you know

00:33:28.020 we don't want each other we don't like each other anymore yeah but I yeah I understand that that

00:33:32.800 happens but I just don't think it's a good reason when you have kids what do you mean because kids

00:33:37.300 are more likely to go to prison they're more likely to drop out of school they're more likely

00:33:40.420 to be abused by a step parent because when we talk about growing apart it's like you're going to

00:33:45.580 divorce over growing apart when you have a kid because it's not supposed to be about you it's

00:33:49.720 supposed to be about the kid oh my god I'll give you my if I give you my example my son is at

00:33:55.180 university at warwick university I left my husband I'm not I'm not talking about you though

00:33:59.800 like this is like a lot of times people take this stuff personally what I'm saying is um in fact

00:34:05.820 both my kids said to me and that's a feedback given to a parent by the children is mom I cannot

00:34:12.480 believe you stayed in that relationship for so long we are so happy you did that they even try to

00:34:17.460 approach their dad on camera but what I'm saying is um there is a perspective towards it but can I

00:34:24.620 interrupt I have to interrupt because I have two children I've I've seen witnessed everything I know

00:34:29.240 the world I know everyone for a child not having a personal dig at anyone hypothetically speaking

00:34:35.200 for a child I'm a mom of two for a child to come to a parent and say mom I can't believe you stayed

00:34:42.740 with dad it's like what have you said to that child for that child to say that to you it should not have

00:34:48.840 witnessed it should love his mom and dad equally it that's what you call narcissistic toxic abuse

00:34:55.400 feeding it to the children at its highest level it depends what the child are older children are

00:35:00.880 human beings they are observant as well 20 and as a good mother as a good I'm sorry don't raise my

00:35:06.140 voice I have a microphone but as a good mother you tell that child it's your father have a good

00:35:10.960 relation healthy relationship with that father and even if it's toxic hang on hang on even if it's

00:35:15.680 she hasn't finished her point I haven't finished my point let me finish my point I tell my children

00:35:20.440 whenever your father is ready go and meet him it's not personal I was hypothetically speaking I know but

00:35:26.600 what you are trying to say is I have always put positive projection towards your dad I said he give

00:35:32.560 you birth he has done his job after that there is no responsibility of him to you know what do you

00:35:37.820 what do you mean that's not positive projection that he no I mean I mean like positive projection of this

00:35:43.120 he's an honorable man he's a good man he gave birth to you no no I mean when they feel the need of

00:35:50.660 uh he's not financially there he's not physically he doesn't have to be financially there why does the

00:35:55.500 kid know if he's not financially there why does he not have to be there but why does a man have to be

00:36:01.480 the financial financier why does he have to he doesn't have to but what I'm saying is children did

00:36:08.080 you marry someone parents responsibility no no it's it's both parents responsibility but what I'm

00:36:13.740 saying is during COVID time my son decided to approach his dad his dad was so bitter that he

00:36:20.780 got he came back to me and I said what happened like you know go and talk to him why was the dad

00:36:26.540 bitter he was just bitter and angry but why with me why for leaving him okay so he was angry that you

00:36:33.680 left him yeah isn't that a valid reason to be angry yeah I had it absolutely it will it should

00:36:39.180 be a valid reason for him to angry but what I'm saying is staying in a relationship where you are

00:36:44.680 miserable and making he is miserable as well is not healthy for him but I think this is the problem

00:36:50.540 this is such a modern this is such a modern mindset it's like marriage isn't supposed to be about

00:36:55.700 your happiness your happiness is going to come and go like and you shouldn't rely on another person

00:37:00.400 to make you happy if you don't have no communication with somebody my marriage was an arranged marriage

00:37:05.640 I never spoke to the guy on another wedding night I I never I only met him once before I got married

00:37:12.540 to him so 18 years living with somebody who doesn't speak to you and you're just living in a house and

00:37:17.520 sleeping together he never talked to you ever no it's literally just about no I mean like you guys

00:37:22.520 never had conversations like this isn't 18 years exactly you can live with somebody for but I think

00:37:28.380 but I think a lot of times as women like we put our expectations on men but can I say men don't

00:37:33.680 communicate but men but like wait wait but when men don't communicate the same way we do like men just

00:37:38.700 want to sit like they don't want to talk to us he was from a different place I was born I was born

00:37:43.900 around six brothers in Pakistan so my my my context about men was very different to his context of a woman

00:37:53.780 a modern woman from England right so it was but we never communicated with each other for 18 years

00:38:00.080 now what I know if I've known that 18 years ago that relationship would have stayed for life

00:38:04.980 but what I'm I'm sorry to cut you off this is just getting a bit out of control I agree viewers

00:38:09.720 this is what happens when it's only ladies having a conversation in a room 1.00

00:38:14.700 so please everybody please everybody just let's ladies let's just try to have a coherent conversation

00:38:21.720 I think it's very sexist to talk like this it's not like that they are telling their experiences

00:38:27.660 I was no I was actually going to say excuse me excuse me the lady are here I know many of them 0.97

00:38:34.500 you don't know their background you were not being their situation and you were not you don't know

00:38:40.840 anything he's just observing he's just observing he's just episodes

00:38:46.400 stop you're sorry no no no no no no no no no could not stop me like this

00:38:53.720 can you can you mute her mic no you don't get to just no no then build your own show go build

00:38:59.100 your own show it's like entitlement you're not entitled like this is such entitlement

00:39:04.600 no no wait wait wait wait wait actually I forgot what I was gonna say

00:39:10.280 sorry did you want to finish your point I mean I mean after listening to all of

00:39:14.480 this I know this might sound crazy I saw a tweet you did once where you said

00:39:22.280 women shouldn't be permitted to vote yes yes take it away repeal the 19th yeah 1.00

00:39:30.280 yes I saw it you know and I could see how you would think that you know I could

00:39:37.940 see how you think but I've actually spoken with some women oh yeah oh yeah 1.00

00:39:43.340 get rid of it no but but really I I realize this might sound crazy but the

00:39:48.080 tweet you said women it should be illegal for them to vote and I can I can see how 1.00

00:39:53.300 you would think that but I've actually had some conversations personal ones 1.00

00:39:59.000 with women and I now firmly believe that not all women are complete morons 0.98

00:40:07.880 that's actually alpha king rule number 202 some women can actually be pretty smart 1.00

00:40:18.020 sometimes and including yourself pearl thank you well you are married so I am I

00:40:24.020 assume your wife is a wonderful woman she's a she's she's my pride of joy

00:40:28.280 exactly so there you go so you there are women pearl pearls pearls are a great

00:40:32.780 example of a unique oh unique okay yeah well she's successful entrepreneurs

00:40:39.560 you organized everything here the iron irony one last thing here one last thing the

00:40:45.960 irony here would be that someone like pearl would be viewed as someone like a far

00:40:52.560 right maybe but in reality if you look at all her staff she embraces uh quite a bit

00:40:57.960 of diversity in her staffing so you know for example she she's created jobs in this

00:41:03.140 neighborhood she and she's an employer she put aside capital she saved capital she 1.00

00:41:07.860 built the equipment she took the office space she built a couple studios right she's

00:41:12.840 not counting on a man to take care of her she's doing everything same as me 1.00

00:41:17.120 so can I say something on that point what pearl is doing right now on this so you gotta respect

00:41:21.220 there is some respect no I don't I don't take nothing away from pearl we have been

00:41:24.860 different we have different opinions so it's nothing towards pearl as a human

00:41:29.100 being and what she does we have difference of opinion she doesn't have to

00:41:32.040 respect my opinion I don't have to respect her opinion or agree let's say

00:41:35.000 so because just like she said she wants to take voting away wherever you said 0.98

00:41:39.020 I'd completely take you know I mean so for me I find us the biggest bullshit 0.95

00:41:42.960 because only reason why I say that okay is for example I'm not going to mention a 0.94

00:41:47.020 name because we're not allowed but during the period that we went that we've just

00:41:50.500 passed what countries had the best rates all right or the lowest the management in

00:41:59.420 terms of management were led by whom were led by who not men oh and oh you know

00:42:05.020 you know wait wait this would actually prove my point because all of all of the

00:42:09.740 countries that followed that stuff right you're talking about yeah yeah do you

00:42:16.740 know who pushed that women yeah women yes but who could be the the the thing was

00:42:23.000 well that was an L I'm not even gonna lie it's very funny how it's very funny how

00:42:29.060 when we talk about leadership and countries that are led by women yes the

00:42:33.500 the president might be a woman but does that mean that it is the president that is 1.00

00:42:37.820 running the country you might be right might be wrong so what you're saying is

00:42:45.180 not facts neither no but but then you can you can make an analogy but it says that

00:42:49.460 if you were to look throughout all of human history whenever you see a woman at 0.98

00:42:53.500 the top of anything there's usually a team of men usually very competent men

00:42:57.740 helping her to achieve her goal

00:43:05.280 you

JustPearlyThings - August 08, 2023

The Level of Delusion is SICKENING

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