JustPearlyThings - August 22, 2023


The Main Problem With Relationships Today


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

194.38829

Word count

1,859

Sentence count

1

Harmful content

Misogyny

15

sentences flagged

Hate speech

8

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about sexual trauma and how to deal with it. We talk about how sexual trauma has impacted our dating life and how it has affected our relationships and how we have dealt with it in the past.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 too at right now because with the way society is structured like men are just being slammed with
00:00:06.760 sexual images non-stop like the moment we wake up like how about some sex you know and so this has
00:00:13.400 caused male thirst to be at an all-time high yeah and so dudes are like a you know when guys get good
00:00:21.220 with game and you know getting with a bunch of women that sex that ejaculation that hunt is all 0.99
00:00:27.500 based upon dopamine and so you got these guys are just searching for that next dopamine hit you know
00:00:33.520 what i mean and then also i don't think we've ever had a period in time where older women were doing 1.00
00:00:39.200 their best to stay sexy you know i mean i think like back in the day they'd be like you know yeah
00:00:46.640 you know you have like the j-lo's and you got all these different women i don't keep up celebrities 1.00
00:00:51.760 but not j-lo's the only one i know but like you know they're they're older women in their 40s and 1.00
00:00:56.320 50s right that are like trying to be super sexy so when you're sexy you know guys are dogs guys are
00:01:04.360 fucking dogs and so they're gonna come after you yeah but i also think it doesn't really count 0.73
00:01:09.820 until you're until you're married really or in a long-term relationship with kids because that seems
00:01:14.800 to be the new marriage nowadays because i think a lot of times as women will mistake sexual attention 1.00
00:01:19.600 for relationship attention and they're not the same that's huge yeah but because a lot of women 1.00
00:01:24.440 they'll conflate the fact that a million dudes are in their dms right and like hollering at them 1.00
00:01:30.040 but i would say 99 of those dudes they're gonna fuck you a couple times and disappear yeah and then
00:01:36.240 you're gonna be like oh i thought you liked me i'm guilty of that like majority girls are for women 1.00
00:01:43.600 that want relationships where is where are the best places to look see see you know what here's the
00:01:48.600 thing i know i'm like a red pill guy and i'm supposed to like shit on women because that's like 1.00
00:01:52.340 what the majority of people do but that even for me is something that i have been trying to answer
00:01:58.380 the question to i can't tell these women where to find good men but i can tell them where not to find 0.96
00:02:04.560 them where we're not any dating app agree i'm not on any of those at all anymore any dating app bars
00:02:12.820 any if he has any kind of drug addiction no yes right church used to be a stable thing but honestly i
00:02:19.720 would say this the guys that you ignore are probably going to be some of the better
00:02:23.500 relationships yeah the guys that don't even show up on your radar yeah because it's just it is hard
00:02:29.420 because for guys you know when mainstream media and mainstream culture is just telling girls by
00:02:37.300 default to be sluts to be whores to sleep around right it's really hard so that's the conundrum we 1.00
00:02:44.360 have right now is like good women are usually trying so hard to find good men and good men are
00:02:52.800 trying so hard to find good women because for me too after i became successful it's just like how i don't
00:02:58.360 even know like where to like find decent women because like women who like you for your clout or for 1.00
00:03:03.600 your money or all those things you know it's just like this bitch is treacherous like she's after me 1.00
00:03:09.960 yeah before things that i have not me dating once you have a following is so different oh dude i have
00:03:16.160 trauma i want to go to a monastery like because because it's just it's so for so i'm talking from
00:03:22.460 a guy's perspective it's so hard to one vet a woman and find out the truth of who she is
00:03:32.620 and and then on the other side of the coin it's the same thing for ladies because you're blinded 1.00
00:03:40.020 by your own attraction like i like this person well they did this like this means they like me but then
00:03:44.860 like you know when you go through a situation when you thought someone loved you you thought they liked
00:03:48.980 you a lot and then you find out that yeah they didn't and then they leave quickly when they don't
00:03:54.080 want to resolve conflict or whatever then you're just sitting there like damn i just really don't
00:03:57.760 know shit and i went through that i i literally went through that someone who i thought was on my 0.76
00:04:03.160 team um who i i you know i gave myself to and we i thought we were on the same page and then you
00:04:10.740 later want to find out it was it wasn't that it was not being reciprocated yeah and and that's where
00:04:16.640 you have to draw every piece of strength what happened uh without going into too much detail um wrong show
00:04:23.940 i put a lot of trust into someone whom uh when i just when i began communicating with him um he of
00:04:34.440 what i had previously been through which allowed me to drop my guard um and i was happy to do so
00:04:41.200 because um he made me feel safe okay um and i think for him it may have been what he could get
00:04:47.740 uh but i think the worst thing for me was that there was no resolution it was a straight cut off
00:04:54.160 to this day what do you mean a cut off i mean when it when things kind of sort of came about
00:05:00.100 and um you know when things really mattered and we should have been communicating we should have been
00:05:04.680 speaking about it speaking about the very small issue it was a very very small issue um what issue
00:05:10.820 was that it was a very small issue um it literally there was no conversation like we did we didn't get to
00:05:17.400 speak about what the problem was did you leave or did he leave he did oh so he left and then you
00:05:22.620 just never heard and i never heard was he younger no he was older so can i say that emotional labor
00:05:28.980 it does not come with a marker i don't think that you can you know be on a dating app or be in church
00:05:36.720 or wherever see someone meet them be on a date with them and say yes this person is willing and committed
00:05:42.520 to put in emotional labor to make this work you only know that when you come up to those those
00:05:49.400 situations that require the emotional i actually don't really think men should care about our
00:05:54.040 emotional needs no i don't think she means emotional needs i think like you know when you get to a point
00:05:58.020 in a relationship where there's like a a breaking point yeah but the both of you are gonna have to
00:06:03.340 endure through a that wasn't even i'm not even trying to be yeah yeah but like when you have to like
00:06:08.620 endure through hardship absolutely you know some people they just give up yeah and it's and it's
00:06:16.800 detrimental because i've i've been that i've been that person who didn't want to give up i was like
00:06:21.960 you know and i wanted to be committed to the situation when your partner gives up and then
00:06:27.240 that's just like and unfortunately like how does i just don't understand how that like works because
00:06:32.500 you're not a because you're not a dirtbag that's why well no because when i hear emotional labor like
00:06:37.740 i i always hear that i don't really hear that term used then i usually hear it when it's like my
00:06:42.240 partner's not meeting my emotional needs that's what i hear when i hear emotional no i think she's 1.00
00:06:46.400 talking about because there's points in a relationship what do you mean i would say that the emotional
00:06:50.420 labor is any situation that you come up against as a partnership where there requires some
00:06:57.260 either compromise or you two have to sit down and have a difficult discussion about you know
00:07:01.540 do the kids go to school here or there or you know you know it's just anything i think i think
00:07:06.020 the man should automatically decide do you i do i do i believe in i believe in traditional
00:07:11.460 relationships which are a bit different than like 50 50 so which which basically like a lot of times
00:07:16.860 women we want the guy to pay for everything we want we want to like a traditional outcome where he 0.98
00:07:21.580 pays for us he leads he's masculine but what you're supposed to give up with that is authority
00:07:26.440 yeah can i add on to because i you tell me if i'm wrong because this was your original
00:07:31.540 statement but i'm just going to add on to it i think what she means by emotional labor is like
00:07:36.260 again like you will get to a point where you will have a hard time like you both need to push through
00:07:43.860 an obstacle and i think that the example she gave about you know the schooling whatever was more about
00:07:51.140 like there's going to be emotional turmoil and conflict can i have an example just so i could
00:07:56.320 understand better what you're talking about let's just say you know you're both at an impasse where
00:08:02.260 you're just like there there's a communication barrier like you're saying one thing and i'm saying
00:08:08.720 another thing right and we really don't see eye to eye and we should just keep on trying to push through
00:08:18.160 keep on trying to communicate and get through it that's what a relationship that works looks like
00:08:25.860 but one party man or woman the emotional labor what's the actual issue 0.93
00:08:31.220 have you ever been in a relationship yeah i have okay everyone says i haven't but i have
00:08:36.620 virgin vibes
00:08:39.960 let's take you at your word then so you've been in a relationship have you ever had to
00:08:45.700 make a decision in that relationship either you say that you believe in traditional relationships
00:08:49.920 no i think i think one i think traditional relationships work better because if you look
00:08:56.060 at the history of them relationships tend to work better in countries that have more traditional
00:09:00.100 relationships and you know if you look at 100 years ago 95 percent of people were married but i'll
00:09:05.800 say no i wasn't a good girlfriend i think that's why we broke up well i'm not sure that answers the
00:09:10.240 question which which part well have you ever had a confrontation or a disagreement with your
00:09:15.680 partner ever in history yeah and the result of that confrontation was what have you ever broken
00:09:20.800 up over a disagreement irreconcilable differences um yeah yeah um it was more different values though
00:09:27.680 so it was like it was kind of getting to the point where we've been dating a bit and it was either
00:09:32.400 we're going to get you know married