JustPearlyThings - August 12, 2023


The Sad Reality Of Average Men In The Dating Market


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

188.00726

Word count

1,969

Sentence count

194

Harmful content

Misogyny

16

sentences flagged

Toxicity

13

sentences flagged

Hate speech

12

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about bisexuality and what it means to be bisexual in the 21st century. We talk about our experiences with bisexuality in the past and present, and how bisexuality has impacted our dating and sex lives.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 So I have a question.
00:00:00.660 You said you're bisexual.
00:00:01.940 Indeed.
00:00:02.480 All right.
00:00:02.760 Can I ask you questions?
00:00:04.040 Go for it.
00:00:04.840 They always say that a guy can't be bisexual, that he's only gay.
00:00:09.200 Have you heard that before?
00:00:10.700 Never heard that.
00:00:11.600 And I'm guessing, and I'll tell you this, the women I've been with wouldn't say that either.
00:00:15.920 They wouldn't say.
00:00:16.540 Does it, like, put off girls at all?
00:00:19.060 Yeah.
00:00:19.380 So men find it a turn on.
00:00:22.040 Women are, like, intrigued because they're like, oh, they asked the question to me again. 0.98
00:00:27.660 They go, are you sure you're bisexual?
00:00:29.380 I'm like, I'm definitely sure.
00:00:31.860 Tell me about the differences between dating men and dating women. 0.85
00:00:35.360 Men are liars and men will tell you what they want to tell you to.
00:00:39.460 Men are, men will tell you what they want to tell you, which most of the time is just to get into a situation, 0.99
00:00:49.100 whether it's bed or whether it's a date or whatever. 0.60
00:00:51.280 Do men have to lie to other men to get sex? 0.59
00:00:53.500 I feel like they do. 0.92
00:00:54.920 I feel like they do.
00:00:56.020 I feel like they do.
00:00:56.800 With a woman, you know where you stand. 1.00
00:00:59.680 Like, if you've done something wrong, they let you know.
00:01:02.540 They don't need to say anything.
00:01:04.460 Their body language, their expression, the way they carry themselves, like, you know you've messed up.
00:01:09.200 With a guy, like, they'll try and, like, play it off.
00:01:13.840 So, like, for me, yeah, I'm still trying to, like, figure the whole thing out.
00:01:21.700 I mean, like, I know I was bi since I was eight, and I've been, like, dating guys or whatever the last four or five years,
00:01:27.660 but the majority of my life has been with females.
00:01:29.320 So I understand females to a T. 1.00
00:01:31.560 To a guy, I'm just like, sometimes I meet a guy and I'm just like, huh, I thought I had it figured, and I still don't have it figured.
00:01:38.520 Who's more of a player, men or women?
00:01:42.360 Men.
00:01:43.080 Men.
00:01:43.580 Men.
00:01:44.140 Now I'm at a stage where I'm like, now I understand why women be out there, like, oh, you guys ain't playing this and that. 1.00
00:01:50.840 Because it's like, it's a crazy world.
00:01:53.920 Are we going to give you the same advice that we give to all these women?
00:01:56.120 I wonder if men, like, if in same-sex relationships, like, because women we know are hypergamous.
00:02:05.300 I'm like, I wonder, is it the same?
00:02:06.460 Like, is it the same, like, when it's same-sex, are you guys all sleeping with the same men?
00:02:11.640 Or is it more even cross?
00:02:12.980 I'm very particular.
00:02:14.820 Okay.
00:02:15.040 So some guys, I've been told sometimes I'm not gay enough.
00:02:20.940 Where I'm just a specific person who like what I like, and I think it's come to a point where, like, I'm 33 years old.
00:02:30.160 I'm, like, confident who I am and everyone knows and blah, blah, blah, where I'm just like, it's not just about how you look or whatever.
00:02:36.040 It's actual, the conversation, the attraction, the overall how you are as an individual.
00:02:42.400 Like, I've been with people who I physically wouldn't have been attracted to, but I've gotten to know them.
00:02:48.640 And it's been like, you've wowed my mind and that I find sexy and I find it, yeah, and attractive.
00:02:56.180 Is that the same for women? 1.00
00:02:58.440 Both.
00:02:59.100 Okay.
00:02:59.640 It's both.
00:03:01.000 Because I don't hear guys say that often where they can, like, they don't find a girl attractive and she can, like, talk her way into being attractive.
00:03:06.980 But I hear women say that about men.
00:03:08.800 That's why it's interesting.
00:03:09.900 Yeah, it is.
00:03:10.780 Because I've fallen for a person, a female, who I just used to hang out with and I physically wouldn't have normally found her attractive.
00:03:21.160 But after going out with her on, just as a friendship thing, I found myself not falling in love with her, but falling for her and seeing her in a different light.
00:03:29.640 So you were basically the gay best friend that they need to worry about. 0.97
00:03:33.220 Uh-huh. 0.95
00:03:33.860 That's deep, man.
00:03:34.760 You know what's funny?
00:03:35.520 You know what's funny, right?
00:03:36.380 One of my girls that's no longer a friend of mine because her boyfriend saw it as, uh, I was, I've been this guy where guys have stopped their girls being friends with me.
00:03:49.620 Yeah.
00:03:49.860 Because they're like, oh, blah, blah, blah.
00:03:52.320 I'm like, but your man knows I'm gay.
00:03:54.480 Just say I'm gay, though. 0.90
00:03:55.520 And he's like, nah, he knows you're bi.
00:03:57.340 So it's like it could go both ways.
00:03:59.320 Blood.
00:03:59.860 And I've been like, just tell him I'm not bi anymore.
00:04:02.600 Just say I've seen the light and I've gone all the way gay. 0.52
00:04:05.520 Honestly.
00:04:06.080 And it don't work.
00:04:07.000 If I was the boyfriend on the situation, I'm on the same vibe.
00:04:09.400 What do you mean?
00:04:09.740 Basically, as a bisexual, I'm just a lover of all people.
00:04:15.040 So just allow me to hang out with your girls. 1.00
00:04:17.540 Nah.
00:04:18.260 Nah, nah, nah.
00:04:20.540 That's mad.
00:04:22.260 No way.
00:04:23.640 Would you guys let your girlfriend hang out with a guy that was bi? 0.99
00:04:26.640 Nah, you know what?
00:04:27.300 Because he's, you're able to kind of tap into that emotional side.
00:04:32.200 Yeah?
00:04:32.620 On that side.
00:04:33.760 And then you're able to do whatever, lay whatever you need to lay in it.
00:04:38.380 So, yeah.
00:04:38.760 But I'm a good guy.
00:04:39.920 Yeah, I'm sure you're a good guy.
00:04:41.120 But you know, you'll be under the same category as just a male best friend.
00:04:45.120 It's not like sometimes a gay best friend kind of gets a little blight.
00:04:48.600 Yeah.
00:04:48.900 Because it's like he ain't interested in that. 0.88
00:04:50.260 That's what makes you scary because you've got all the attributes of the gay best friend. 1.00
00:04:54.580 But at the same time, on some days, you're not that gay best friend. 0.91
00:04:57.780 You know what I mean? 0.71
00:04:59.420 You know what I mean?
00:05:01.280 Okay.
00:05:01.860 So today's topic is talking about social media and how it pertains to relationships.
00:05:07.140 So I want to hear from the women. 0.99
00:05:10.320 On a given day, how many messages do you receive from men interested in you?
00:05:15.060 I think it depends.
00:05:19.660 I think if I put stories up, then I'll have more interaction.
00:05:22.420 But yeah, I think it just depends, really.
00:05:25.240 Okay.
00:05:25.480 That's not an answer.
00:05:26.280 Sorry.
00:05:27.520 When I put stories up, yeah, I'll get a couple, a few messages to be fair.
00:05:31.740 Okay.
00:05:32.020 So how many a day?
00:05:33.240 Like maybe like three, four, five.
00:05:35.800 Okay.
00:05:36.220 So five a day.
00:05:37.320 So, okay.
00:05:39.800 So go ahead.
00:05:40.860 I think for me, I don't post every day.
00:05:44.280 And any sort of like love or attention that I receive from dudes is from guys I already
00:05:49.880 know or have already like had an encounter with, like met before.
00:05:53.320 So I don't really get strangers like, hey, like, what's up?
00:05:57.620 Like, I don't really get that often.
00:05:59.040 But people that I know will show me love.
00:06:02.580 Okay.
00:06:03.440 So how many messages do you get a day from men?
00:06:06.400 Like a zero.
00:06:07.520 Okay.
00:06:07.800 So you get no messages from guys interested in you.
00:06:10.320 Do you have a public Instagram?
00:06:11.840 Yes.
00:06:12.460 Yes.
00:06:13.060 But I don't post often.
00:06:14.780 And when I do, it's the people that already know me.
00:06:18.000 I rarely get.
00:06:19.340 And if I do is from like an uncle that's like 25 years older than me that I'm going to ignore.
00:06:24.480 We should be friends.
00:06:25.040 It's like once in a blue moon.
00:06:26.860 Okay.
00:06:27.420 So what about you?
00:06:28.680 I don't really see them come up as much because they go into message requests.
00:06:34.140 But I'd say on average between maybe one, two.
00:06:37.540 One to two.
00:06:38.780 Hey, guys.
00:06:41.880 How many messages do you get a day?
00:06:44.680 You know what?
00:06:45.140 It's about when you post.
00:06:46.060 If I post because I'm a personal trainer.
00:06:47.920 So if I post like a update from like my gym progress, then I'll get a flurry of people.
00:06:54.780 I might get like 20 to 25.
00:06:58.440 But on a normal day, not like 5 to 10.
00:07:00.920 So if you post, you get.
00:07:02.860 Oh, and if you don't post, you get 5 to 10.
00:07:04.720 Yeah.
00:07:05.220 You're beating the women. 1.00
00:07:06.480 Yeah.
00:07:07.420 My mind.
00:07:09.340 Yeah.
00:07:09.780 I don't know.
00:07:10.460 So you get more DMs than the girls.
00:07:12.400 I guess so.
00:07:13.160 But, you know.
00:07:13.980 What would you say is the quality of the girls that DM you? 1.00
00:07:16.440 So like out of every 10, what percent are you would actually?
00:07:20.920 Yeah, maybe like 10%.
00:07:22.220 Okay.
00:07:23.100 It's like 10%.
00:07:23.720 Yeah.
00:07:24.240 I mean, if I post it, if I was to post a trap, it would maybe be that 40%.
00:07:27.980 Okay.
00:07:28.820 Just on average.
00:07:30.300 Sometimes, you know, I might get some wings in there.
00:07:34.940 But no, no.
00:07:35.780 But yeah, usually just about 10%.
00:07:37.540 I'll say.
00:07:38.180 Okay. 0.57
00:07:38.720 Yeah, because the gays love a personal trainer, man. 0.99
00:07:41.000 So my account is no longer public. 0.66
00:07:46.820 I've made it private.
00:07:48.480 And the reason why is because my situation, women are lovely. 1.00
00:07:52.080 Because women would just like, and then be like, oh, I love like how positive you are
00:07:56.880 and blah, blah, blah on social media.
00:07:58.980 Guys are very different.
00:08:00.640 There's not, I don't think, I think there's a shortage of like masculine mandem as they 0.98
00:08:06.220 call it guys.
00:08:08.020 So I made my account private because guys have kept DMing me through like, and then so
00:08:18.740 like, let's say, for example, the black gay community in London is not that big, including
00:08:23.560 like mixed race guys. 0.53
00:08:24.860 So kind of everyone's following everyone.
00:08:28.180 So some people would see, so some people would see that I'm following them or blah, blah,
00:08:32.040 blah.
00:08:32.520 And then my biography says like open-minded, blah, blah, blah.
00:08:36.020 So I don't even say I'm bisexual.
00:08:37.540 So they'll slide in my DMs.
00:08:40.260 And then one thing is with guys is guys.
00:08:44.000 Okay.
00:08:44.420 Perfect example.
00:08:45.760 I met a guy who was vibing, blah, blah, blah.
00:08:48.100 Weren't really too sure if I liked him or whatever.
00:08:49.800 And he was like, look, I wouldn't mind if you had an affair with a woman because she can 0.70
00:08:54.200 give you something that I can't give you.
00:08:56.000 But if it was with another man, he would find it offensive.
00:08:59.720 So how many messages do you get a day?
00:09:02.940 I can't say in a day.
00:09:03.940 I could say I could get like two, three a week.
00:09:06.100 Two, three a week.
00:09:06.860 Yeah.
00:09:07.160 Okay.
00:09:07.780 What about you?
00:09:10.060 I don't get no messages.
00:09:12.140 I don't get no messages.
00:09:13.420 That's half to do with the fact that I don't use social media.
00:09:16.580 Even when, but at the same time, back when I was single, I still didn't really get messages
00:09:21.820 like that, it was you having to fish rather than the fish coming to you type of situation.
00:09:27.460 Not to say that women are fish. 1.00
00:09:31.980 Canceled. 0.92
00:09:32.420 Yeah.
00:09:33.720 Taken off the platform.
00:09:34.820 But it was like, yeah, it was like, you have to go there rather than them come here.
00:09:40.200 Which is very different to a lot of other situations I've heard from like other guys
00:09:45.160 and other girls as well. 0.97
00:09:46.280 Girls to guys ratio is very different because a lot of girls I've seen get a lot more messages
00:09:51.420 than a lot of guys I've seen.
00:09:52.800 However, the guys that do get messages get a lot, and a lot of them.
00:09:57.920 So you have that like one friend, that one male friend who's a 10 out of 10, who we get
00:10:03.020 10 times more messages than any girl.
00:10:04.860 However, like a bell curve situation, there are more girls getting more messages than 1.00
00:10:10.080 guys.
00:10:10.640 Right.
00:10:11.380 But from what I've seen, the hottest guys will, because girls are hypergamous, so they 1.00
00:10:17.560 want to go for the best of best.
00:10:19.160 So if you've got that one guy who's a 10, he's going to get more messages than any girl
00:10:22.980 in any room, in anywhere.
00:10:25.140 Because every girl wants him. 0.93
00:10:28.260 So.