JustPearlyThings - The Uncomfortable Truth About Marriage For Women

00:00:00.000 are about happiness I think they're more about compromise and with compromise comes happiness

00:00:08.900 and kind of I guess understanding having that connection having that empathy having that

00:00:15.920 chemistry is all ingredients towards happiness but yeah it's a it's a work in progress it's a

00:00:20.700 journey that's how I feel a relationship to some degree a marriage specifically actually no I think

00:00:31.420 that happiness is a part it's a component and it's obviously a byproduct of a happy and healthy

00:00:37.820 marriage but I think if the primary goal of a marriage is just based around happiness emotions

00:00:43.960 are fleeting so if the only thing holding your marriage or long-term relationship together is

00:00:50.560 both people feeling happy all the time then that marriage is going to fail because it's not a

00:00:56.840 realistic goal and I think it's actually a very childish way to go into it I think if you have a

00:01:03.020 good happy healthy marriage then of course you will overall be happy and be content but I don't

00:01:08.880 think it should be set up with the intention that that is going to be the goal all the time or you're

00:01:14.320 going to fall short of that because no one can be happy all the time yeah I agree I don't think

00:01:19.980 the primary goal is happiness I think it's more about you know how you develop independently and

00:01:27.000 then how you develop together as a unit you're never going to be 100% happy I mean that's the

00:01:34.200 one person that's going to annoy the shit out of you like no one else that's going to push your 0.94

00:01:39.300 buttons but how you come back from that is basically what's going to bring that happiness you know

00:01:44.800 like you know makeup sex and stuff like that you know so I don't think yeah like you said if if

00:01:51.500 you're striving for 100% happiness I just think that's fake that's a fake marriage so I just think

00:01:57.320 that's not idealistic at all to me happiness is peace of mind so a marriage is for you to be in a

00:02:04.360 partnership that no matter how difficult or how amazing things are you always have that peace of

00:02:10.040 mind if things are bad you're going to work together to make them better if things are happy and good

00:02:15.020 and positive you enjoy them together but happiness doesn't necessarily mean you need to have positive

00:02:19.680 things all the time it's just how you look at things so my husband baby support me into feeling

00:02:24.340 positive about most things even when things are bad what's the question

00:02:29.560 is marriage um is marriage slash relationships about happiness because nowadays people don't

00:02:40.980 even get married it's about duty okay you know what I'm saying because obviously when you get

00:02:45.340 married yeah like obviously it's basically a business transaction when you think about it like

00:02:49.500 people get gassed about love love love bro like bro love is is not unconditional but there's conditions

00:02:55.020 to that bro like everyone has to play their position do you know what I'm saying if you mess up whether

00:03:00.020 it's the man or the woman bro someone's gonna should hold you accountable like do you know I'm

00:03:04.600 saying like bro like this is not what I signed up for yeah but then especially if you have children

00:03:09.160 involved but there's even a larger amount of duty involved do you get what I'm saying a lot of us

00:03:15.400 we didn't even come from families where we come from marriage you know I'm saying like I know me

00:03:21.420 personally and most of my friends didn't come from no home where we had our mom and our dad most of us

00:03:25.980 was just like our mom you know I'm saying like so a lot of us don't even know what it looks like

00:03:30.780 we've not experienced it so like not to not to be funny but like when I hear people's um like idea of

00:03:38.980 what it is like most of us don't even really know we're just we're just saying what we think in it

00:03:43.880 like but is that really what it is because um if you ask people from the 1950s they probably have

00:03:49.260 something different to say do you get what I'm saying so like that's just realistically I'm not

00:03:54.560 married I haven't been married I don't have kids so I don't know do you know I'm saying like I just

00:03:58.240 got an idea of what it may look like but when I get into it if I ever get into that yeah it might

00:04:03.900 it might be something else like do you know I mean but I think more than anything it's duty in it

00:04:08.160 like do you know what I'm saying if you have that mindset if it's duty you're more inclined to stick

00:04:12.240 with it you get what I'm saying so that's what I think

00:04:14.400 I just think that when two people get together

00:04:18.580 but when they go into marriage I just believe that a man can't make you happy you're supposed

00:04:25.340 to be happy and he's supposed to make you happier same thing goes the other way around because a lot

00:04:31.360 of people go into relationships or marriage thinking oh he or she's gonna make me happy

00:04:36.100 and they're not happy to start with so I just think in relationships happiness is a bonus

00:04:41.520 it's something that you grow to have but you've got to be happy before you enter relationship

00:04:47.740 and then the person make you happier like me I was always happy my man makes me happier if I wasn't

00:04:54.020 with him I'd still be happy but just not as happy as I am when I'm with him

00:04:57.800 like anty said you have to like and love yourself before you can like and love others

00:05:03.300 so if you're going into a relationship like she said it's a bonus so they're added to your bonus

00:05:07.740 you're not going in there like expecting them to make you happy you should be happy in yourself

00:05:11.740 however that person you meet you have to understand the uncompromisables and stuff you compromise on

00:05:16.660 so when you get into a relationship you have to understand that I will compromise with this I

00:05:20.100 won't compromise on that that's the reason you get into a relationship knowing that they're good

00:05:22.880 they're bads and they're uglies you get in there naked and you go in there blindsided you're going

00:05:27.440 to be oh my god I can't believe this person like that but when you get into a relationship it again

00:05:31.420 some brother said it's a it's a financial commitment it's a partnership commitment it's all

00:05:36.540 these things mixed in one to get to where you need to get to and that happiness comes from

00:05:40.740 yourself but when they're together and you understand what they like that's an added bonus

00:05:44.420 to yourself that's my opinion on it anyway yeah well just touching up on what he said and what

00:05:50.160 auntie said literally like if you're not happy within yourself wait it's going to be very hard

00:05:55.240 to make yourself happy you know what I'm saying and if you rely on someone else for the happiness

00:05:58.540 you've already felt so a lot of people they don't see that a relationship is they have their self

00:06:05.880 and then they've got the relationship you get me so it's like when you come into a

00:06:10.660 relationship you should both be complementing each other in different ways and you should

00:06:13.620 understand and no one's perfect you get me some people got everyone's got flaws but you need to

00:06:18.860 understand the flaws that you can tolerate you know I'm saying because you can't just be like oh

00:06:22.720 from the start in the first three months it was all good everything did it do it's always always

00:06:26.900 it's always good at the start you get me you know delve into stuff you see true people's colors

00:06:31.820 and stuff like that you now have to understand that yo boom this is the flaws this is the good you put

00:06:38.400 that together that's what makes the person the person you get me you can't pick and choose what

00:06:41.880 you like from someone and then have an ideology of someone that's where it just starts getting 0.99

00:06:46.440 into that you're never going to be happy if you're chasing happiness it's like fucking 0.95

00:06:49.640 sorry for the swearing but it's like people that take them mad drugs heroin and they always say 0.96

00:06:54.580 like the first time the mad and they chase the hit if you're going to get happy from the first time

00:06:58.420 you butt that person and then you're just chasing the happiness all the time you ain't ever going to be

00:07:02.260 happy so you just got to make sure you're happy from the start um for me the main thing really is

00:07:10.820 like it's more of a conscious effort to make your partner happy i mean so there might be things that

00:07:18.660 you don't want to do but you do it anyway because you know it's going to make the person you live happy

00:07:22.920 so that's the main thing i um do not like the word compromise because compromise means one if not

00:07:33.520 both members of the party do is not happy with the agreement i prefer cooperation right you have to

00:07:39.380 cooperate to get to an end goal of what you want you know what i mean so i removed that from it as a

00:07:44.440 quick little story i had an uber driver one time who he i asked him he was driving and he was missing

00:07:50.880 his thumb i said what happened to your thumb just tell me what happened to your thumb so we can do 0.95

00:07:54.200 this drive because i'm an asshole and uh he was like oh i got cut off when i met my wife i said 0.98

00:08:00.060 what happened he said oh a dude she was dating cut my thumb off at a bar fight he's from saudi arabia 0.98

00:08:05.800 or somewhere um i don't remember because i don't pay attention to where people are from i don't care

00:08:09.840 and um so he got his finger cut off and he was 14 when he met this woman she was 14 the guy she was

00:08:16.780 dating was 20 uh but you know r kelly and so uh it is what it is and uh he was like 60 at this point

00:08:24.560 and i said well what did you do he goes you know we got this thing it was a whole thing eventually

00:08:28.660 long story short she saved my finger she took my finger to the hospital where i was they tried to

00:08:33.320 sew it back on but where i'm from the medicine was not where it should be and i said so how long

00:08:39.020 have you been married he said i've been married 50 years and i go how did you not cheat

00:08:42.780 he goes what do you mean i go i mean how did you not cheat or leave like 50 years is a long time 0.99

00:08:47.460 to not put your penis somewhere else no offense ladies uh i'm sure it's the same for you but it's 1.00

00:08:51.540 a long time to get along he said oh i don't compromise my wife we cooperate and it's my duty 0.99

00:08:57.660 is what he said and he said the other thing is there's not happiness there's not love every day

00:09:02.820 i don't love her every day i'm not happy with her every day but i respect her every day he goes if

00:09:09.720 you don't respect the person that you meet and that you marry and that you're with forever

00:09:13.360 it'll never work he was like some days i want to throw her through a wall because i don't like her

00:09:19.220 i don't love her she said something she pissed me off she pressed me and i'm over it he goes but you

00:09:24.520 know what she's the mother of my children she's been with me for 50 years she took my finger to the 1.00

00:09:30.220 hospital to try to get it sewn back on i respect this person he goes so that's why i'm with it and

00:09:37.920 that's why i'm together with her i forgot the question but that's all i had to say can i ask you

00:09:41.600 a question about that yeah what age group was them oh he was i was 27 at that point that was 10

00:09:48.580 years ago and he was almost 60 then yeah so is that it's an older it's an older mindset it's an

00:09:54.420 older mindset where he said i don't compromise because that doesn't make any sense i cooperate

00:09:59.180 with her so we can get to an end goal because it's that's our duty and i respect her no matter

00:10:04.420 what have she respects me as well but i respect her but like my point was like them women of 1.00

00:10:09.880 that generation that's that's different women bro it's very different it's a very it's also a very 1.00

00:10:14.020 different culture than what we're used to in the west they're the same women that raised us though 0.97

00:10:18.480 it's very true it's very true but but the same but i don't know what did that be wouldn't that be

00:10:23.740 our grandparents generation almost because i don't because it seems like there's like a change

00:10:29.260 when it's like the our parents like it seems like our grandparents were the ones like man had side

00:10:36.500 chick across town she still stayed yeah my my granddad has a whole had two other whole families

00:10:42.860 yeah it is what it is but i don't i don't like growing up my grandma was my rock right my anything

00:10:50.500 my mom and dad told me get out of here like i don't they weren't the parents that they could have

00:10:55.120 been no offense you know what they could have been so the way i look at it is i look at that older

00:10:59.880 generation and i go okay respect duty and cooperation is the only way that long-term thing

00:11:06.620 can can possibly work like auntie was saying like everybody was saying the happiness is fleeting

00:11:12.500 that's not gonna stay like even today like we was all joking and laughing in there but if people saw

00:11:17.740 that part they would be like how are they different now like we're very calm everybody cool now right

00:11:22.540 but we were talking earlier everybody's having a great time earlier we can talk a little more 0.89

00:11:27.400 shit but i'm saying like even in this moment even in this room we switched up didn't we everybody 0.97

00:11:32.480 switched up to be oh i'm gonna be on camera i gotta be cool and shit so it's like that kind of that 0.99

00:11:37.420 energy so i really respect that everybody you know yeah i'm not gonna overtake you go ahead bro 0.82

00:11:41.360 can i just quickly throw some wood in the fire yeah so you know like this is why it's nice to

00:11:47.060 look at the women but look at the men as well he said the man the uber driver said it's about

00:11:52.080 compromise i was not compromise it's about cooperation i respect her so it's a duality we

00:11:57.480 can never just look at the modern woman to be the one that doesn't know how to cooperate because the 0.94

00:12:01.180 man the ones that say submission so did it all of this type of stuff so ham is that's the problem

00:12:06.620 well but i think i think the idea is that if 70 to 80 percent of women are leaving then like you

00:12:11.640 start with the 70 to 80 percent before you look at the 30. yeah that's great but surely we want the

00:12:18.000 70 to turn into like the 30 everybody to get married his wife was a housewife she did submit i don't know

00:12:24.740 if that's important well i don't know if that's what he's saying he said cooperation but they

00:12:28.920 cooperated like how they wanted their relationship to work so she how does it get to a point where

00:12:34.760 sometimes you'd be like sometimes i want to throw through a wall 50 years exactly so is that

00:12:40.960 constant submission i don't think so because challenges in marriage come from those things

00:12:46.180 it's respect i think the idea is though in a long marriage like at the end of the day someone has to

00:12:50.900 make the final decision exactly like like someone has to lead the relationship in cooperation and

00:12:56.340 respect it doesn't come to a veto well yeah but there's but there's but there's different ways to

00:13:01.600 do it like okay if there's a ceo of a company and he knows that this employee is like disgruntled

00:13:06.320 when he works this way he may compromise what he wants to do in order to make the employee happy

00:13:10.420 at times but it's still his decision yeah but i still get my will which means that the disgruntled

00:13:16.960 person the one that made the complaint and said this is not cool ceo actually you're making the wrong

00:13:21.240 decision the ceo will analyze and say okay cool which means that the lack of submission from the

00:13:25.800 employee actually made the ceo because it is his decision and that's what i'm saying right but

00:13:30.420 there's a way to like bring up your your disagreements in like a submissive way where

00:13:35.960 it's like it's like you you bring it up politely but you still know he's making the final decision

00:13:40.760 not you that then comes down to respect and not submission but why is being polite submissive

00:13:45.540 exactly it's respect i i think the idea i'm sorry i might have misspoke but i'm saying like

00:13:50.680 like because a lot of girls will come off very argumentative and they they just want to like get 1.00

00:13:54.320 their point across and just like they're frustrated and i'm saying like like you can bring up a

00:13:58.660 concern but the idea is like i trust you to make the decision i i think a lot of i think a lot of

00:14:03.900 women i think a lot of modern women get hung up on the word submission yeah it's it's it's the word 1.00

00:14:13.220 itself can we correct that to our body gets a bit confused with submission because not just the 0.99

00:14:18.500 girls i'm telling you now i brought that up because the man them think submission is bitch shut up your 1.00

00:14:22.640 mind well but you you get to no no no that's not the guys that they that's the kind of guys that 1.00

00:14:30.500 listen to you talk here i don't know you last time man was here some guy was telling you bitch 1.00

00:14:37.380 your mind that's what submission is and people like yeah like shut up who said that last show 0.97

00:14:41.500 the guy that was sitting here was that and that's what a lot of men think that they think submission

00:14:51.840 is that you tell your woman to shut up because i'm the man i think i think the idea last show was that

00:15:06.880 you you were talking about like you dated the rapper right no we're talking about submission

00:15:11.540 okay

00:15:13.820 i don't know you want to get to me i don't know you want to get to me but that's a different

00:15:19.140 you like bad boys no yes i no i like one bad boy on the rebound

00:15:22.480 wait we actually have a question what do you think of michael just like

00:15:26.580 do you know why you did that

00:15:29.480 why you did that i love this question oh you're trying it you're trying it you're trying it

00:15:36.480 is this like a match like are we set michael he's a special yeah he didn't even yeah he

00:15:44.220 didn't want to give his government name in the beginning but wait wait wait why are you

00:15:47.620 getting involved

00:15:48.280 just saying i'm just saying michael is a libra right now i'll tell you what that means because

00:15:54.680 i i i try trouble with him okay horror assaults don't mean no no it's a good way it's a points

00:16:00.600 of reference for description so i i approached him first he's got like the tattoos the gold

00:16:05.560 teeth the gold jewelies hey did you say you you approached him first yeah yeah i spoke to him

00:16:09.800 okay okay of course i'm a confident woman i'm not afraid and i was like okay so he fits a certain

00:16:17.480 stereotype he looks like a certain way so you may come across you can make a judgment but actually

00:16:22.760 hearing what he's had to say and how he's spoken he's quite balanced he's he's just a

00:16:27.560 a hardcover but sweet story can i ask can i ask can i ask you a question don't worry i've got the

00:16:33.720 socials already is he is he like a libra though well yeah yeah okay sweet story is that what a libra

00:16:43.880 is because i've lied tons of times just gives a about my horoscope

00:16:52.520 oh then gemini no gemini no no see but i would be all those things back in the day

00:16:59.320 okay okay okay okay you said you said i love you yeah you said my dad dad he might as well be

00:17:27.560 a man got the people now i'm not for the time see man they're in trouble why was a boy then then

00:17:35.400 hey i wanted to say they didn't get to go

00:17:39.480 they didn't get to go an initial question and whether love relationships and marriage

00:17:48.280 were based on happiness yeah uh no it's based on practicality and you know offspring etc outside of

00:17:54.520 that i have no real interest i think marriage you have to actively get up and say i want this to

00:18:12.760 work like it's not just going to fall into your lap you have to look at it like almost a job like

00:18:17.080 you're going to commit to this person respect them take their feelings into consideration you have to

00:18:21.800 literally get up and actively work on it every day or it's not going to work basically as many of you

00:18:28.440 know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform if

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JustPearlyThings - March 14, 2023

The Uncomfortable Truth About Marriage For Women

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