The Uncomfortable Truth About Marriage For Women
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Summary
In this episode, we talk about what it means to be in a healthy marriage, what it's like being in a long term relationship, and how to deal with the pressures of being a married man. We also talk about the importance of a healthy relationship and how important it is to have a solid foundation in a relationship.
Transcript
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are about happiness I think they're more about compromise and with compromise comes happiness
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and kind of I guess understanding having that connection having that empathy having that
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chemistry is all ingredients towards happiness but yeah it's a it's a work in progress it's a
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journey that's how I feel a relationship to some degree a marriage specifically actually no I think
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that happiness is a part it's a component and it's obviously a byproduct of a happy and healthy
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marriage but I think if the primary goal of a marriage is just based around happiness emotions
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are fleeting so if the only thing holding your marriage or long-term relationship together is
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both people feeling happy all the time then that marriage is going to fail because it's not a
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realistic goal and I think it's actually a very childish way to go into it I think if you have a
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good happy healthy marriage then of course you will overall be happy and be content but I don't
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think it should be set up with the intention that that is going to be the goal all the time or you're
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going to fall short of that because no one can be happy all the time yeah I agree I don't think
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the primary goal is happiness I think it's more about you know how you develop independently and
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then how you develop together as a unit you're never going to be 100% happy I mean that's the
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one person that's going to annoy the shit out of you like no one else that's going to push your
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buttons but how you come back from that is basically what's going to bring that happiness you know
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like you know makeup sex and stuff like that you know so I don't think yeah like you said if if
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you're striving for 100% happiness I just think that's fake that's a fake marriage so I just think
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that's not idealistic at all to me happiness is peace of mind so a marriage is for you to be in a
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partnership that no matter how difficult or how amazing things are you always have that peace of
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mind if things are bad you're going to work together to make them better if things are happy and good
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and positive you enjoy them together but happiness doesn't necessarily mean you need to have positive
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things all the time it's just how you look at things so my husband baby support me into feeling
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positive about most things even when things are bad what's the question
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is marriage um is marriage slash relationships about happiness because nowadays people don't
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even get married it's about duty okay you know what I'm saying because obviously when you get
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married yeah like obviously it's basically a business transaction when you think about it like
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people get gassed about love love love bro like bro love is is not unconditional but there's conditions
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to that bro like everyone has to play their position do you know what I'm saying if you mess up whether
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it's the man or the woman bro someone's gonna should hold you accountable like do you know I'm
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saying like bro like this is not what I signed up for yeah but then especially if you have children
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involved but there's even a larger amount of duty involved do you get what I'm saying a lot of us
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we didn't even come from families where we come from marriage you know I'm saying like I know me
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personally and most of my friends didn't come from no home where we had our mom and our dad most of us
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was just like our mom you know I'm saying like so a lot of us don't even know what it looks like
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we've not experienced it so like not to not to be funny but like when I hear people's um like idea of
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what it is like most of us don't even really know we're just we're just saying what we think in it
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like but is that really what it is because um if you ask people from the 1950s they probably have
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something different to say do you get what I'm saying so like that's just realistically I'm not
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married I haven't been married I don't have kids so I don't know do you know I'm saying like I just
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got an idea of what it may look like but when I get into it if I ever get into that yeah it might
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it might be something else like do you know I mean but I think more than anything it's duty in it
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like do you know what I'm saying if you have that mindset if it's duty you're more inclined to stick
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with it you get what I'm saying so that's what I think
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but when they go into marriage I just believe that a man can't make you happy you're supposed
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to be happy and he's supposed to make you happier same thing goes the other way around because a lot
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of people go into relationships or marriage thinking oh he or she's gonna make me happy
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and they're not happy to start with so I just think in relationships happiness is a bonus
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it's something that you grow to have but you've got to be happy before you enter relationship
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and then the person make you happier like me I was always happy my man makes me happier if I wasn't
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with him I'd still be happy but just not as happy as I am when I'm with him
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like anty said you have to like and love yourself before you can like and love others
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so if you're going into a relationship like she said it's a bonus so they're added to your bonus
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you're not going in there like expecting them to make you happy you should be happy in yourself
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however that person you meet you have to understand the uncompromisables and stuff you compromise on
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so when you get into a relationship you have to understand that I will compromise with this I
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won't compromise on that that's the reason you get into a relationship knowing that they're good
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they're bads and they're uglies you get in there naked and you go in there blindsided you're going
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to be oh my god I can't believe this person like that but when you get into a relationship it again
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some brother said it's a it's a financial commitment it's a partnership commitment it's all
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these things mixed in one to get to where you need to get to and that happiness comes from
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yourself but when they're together and you understand what they like that's an added bonus
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to yourself that's my opinion on it anyway yeah well just touching up on what he said and what
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auntie said literally like if you're not happy within yourself wait it's going to be very hard
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to make yourself happy you know what I'm saying and if you rely on someone else for the happiness
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you've already felt so a lot of people they don't see that a relationship is they have their self
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and then they've got the relationship you get me so it's like when you come into a
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relationship you should both be complementing each other in different ways and you should
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understand and no one's perfect you get me some people got everyone's got flaws but you need to
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understand the flaws that you can tolerate you know I'm saying because you can't just be like oh
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from the start in the first three months it was all good everything did it do it's always always
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it's always good at the start you get me you know delve into stuff you see true people's colors
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and stuff like that you now have to understand that yo boom this is the flaws this is the good you put
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that together that's what makes the person the person you get me you can't pick and choose what
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you like from someone and then have an ideology of someone that's where it just starts getting
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into that you're never going to be happy if you're chasing happiness it's like fucking
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sorry for the swearing but it's like people that take them mad drugs heroin and they always say
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like the first time the mad and they chase the hit if you're going to get happy from the first time
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you butt that person and then you're just chasing the happiness all the time you ain't ever going to be
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happy so you just got to make sure you're happy from the start um for me the main thing really is
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like it's more of a conscious effort to make your partner happy i mean so there might be things that
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you don't want to do but you do it anyway because you know it's going to make the person you live happy
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so that's the main thing i um do not like the word compromise because compromise means one if not
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both members of the party do is not happy with the agreement i prefer cooperation right you have to
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cooperate to get to an end goal of what you want you know what i mean so i removed that from it as a
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quick little story i had an uber driver one time who he i asked him he was driving and he was missing
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his thumb i said what happened to your thumb just tell me what happened to your thumb so we can do
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this drive because i'm an asshole and uh he was like oh i got cut off when i met my wife i said
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what happened he said oh a dude she was dating cut my thumb off at a bar fight he's from saudi arabia
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or somewhere um i don't remember because i don't pay attention to where people are from i don't care
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and um so he got his finger cut off and he was 14 when he met this woman she was 14 the guy she was
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dating was 20 uh but you know r kelly and so uh it is what it is and uh he was like 60 at this point
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and i said well what did you do he goes you know we got this thing it was a whole thing eventually
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long story short she saved my finger she took my finger to the hospital where i was they tried to
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sew it back on but where i'm from the medicine was not where it should be and i said so how long
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have you been married he said i've been married 50 years and i go how did you not cheat
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he goes what do you mean i go i mean how did you not cheat or leave like 50 years is a long time
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to not put your penis somewhere else no offense ladies uh i'm sure it's the same for you but it's
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a long time to get along he said oh i don't compromise my wife we cooperate and it's my duty
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is what he said and he said the other thing is there's not happiness there's not love every day
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i don't love her every day i'm not happy with her every day but i respect her every day he goes if
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you don't respect the person that you meet and that you marry and that you're with forever
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it'll never work he was like some days i want to throw her through a wall because i don't like her
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i don't love her she said something she pissed me off she pressed me and i'm over it he goes but you
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know what she's the mother of my children she's been with me for 50 years she took my finger to the
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hospital to try to get it sewn back on i respect this person he goes so that's why i'm with it and
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that's why i'm together with her i forgot the question but that's all i had to say can i ask you
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a question about that yeah what age group was them oh he was i was 27 at that point that was 10
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years ago and he was almost 60 then yeah so is that it's an older it's an older mindset it's an
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older mindset where he said i don't compromise because that doesn't make any sense i cooperate
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with her so we can get to an end goal because it's that's our duty and i respect her no matter
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what have she respects me as well but i respect her but like my point was like them women of
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that generation that's that's different women bro it's very different it's a very it's also a very
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different culture than what we're used to in the west they're the same women that raised us though
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it's very true it's very true but but the same but i don't know what did that be wouldn't that be
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our grandparents generation almost because i don't because it seems like there's like a change
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when it's like the our parents like it seems like our grandparents were the ones like man had side
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chick across town she still stayed yeah my my granddad has a whole had two other whole families
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yeah it is what it is but i don't i don't like growing up my grandma was my rock right my anything
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my mom and dad told me get out of here like i don't they weren't the parents that they could have
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been no offense you know what they could have been so the way i look at it is i look at that older
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generation and i go okay respect duty and cooperation is the only way that long-term thing
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can can possibly work like auntie was saying like everybody was saying the happiness is fleeting
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that's not gonna stay like even today like we was all joking and laughing in there but if people saw
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that part they would be like how are they different now like we're very calm everybody cool now right
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but we were talking earlier everybody's having a great time earlier we can talk a little more
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shit but i'm saying like even in this moment even in this room we switched up didn't we everybody
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switched up to be oh i'm gonna be on camera i gotta be cool and shit so it's like that kind of that
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energy so i really respect that everybody you know yeah i'm not gonna overtake you go ahead bro
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can i just quickly throw some wood in the fire yeah so you know like this is why it's nice to
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look at the women but look at the men as well he said the man the uber driver said it's about
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compromise i was not compromise it's about cooperation i respect her so it's a duality we
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can never just look at the modern woman to be the one that doesn't know how to cooperate because the
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man the ones that say submission so did it all of this type of stuff so ham is that's the problem
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well but i think i think the idea is that if 70 to 80 percent of women are leaving then like you
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start with the 70 to 80 percent before you look at the 30. yeah that's great but surely we want the
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70 to turn into like the 30 everybody to get married his wife was a housewife she did submit i don't know
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if that's important well i don't know if that's what he's saying he said cooperation but they
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cooperated like how they wanted their relationship to work so she how does it get to a point where
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sometimes you'd be like sometimes i want to throw through a wall 50 years exactly so is that
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constant submission i don't think so because challenges in marriage come from those things
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it's respect i think the idea is though in a long marriage like at the end of the day someone has to
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make the final decision exactly like like someone has to lead the relationship in cooperation and
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respect it doesn't come to a veto well yeah but there's but there's but there's different ways to
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do it like okay if there's a ceo of a company and he knows that this employee is like disgruntled
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when he works this way he may compromise what he wants to do in order to make the employee happy
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at times but it's still his decision yeah but i still get my will which means that the disgruntled
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person the one that made the complaint and said this is not cool ceo actually you're making the wrong
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decision the ceo will analyze and say okay cool which means that the lack of submission from the
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employee actually made the ceo because it is his decision and that's what i'm saying right but
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there's a way to like bring up your your disagreements in like a submissive way where
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it's like it's like you you bring it up politely but you still know he's making the final decision
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not you that then comes down to respect and not submission but why is being polite submissive
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exactly it's respect i i think the idea i'm sorry i might have misspoke but i'm saying like
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like because a lot of girls will come off very argumentative and they they just want to like get
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their point across and just like they're frustrated and i'm saying like like you can bring up a
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concern but the idea is like i trust you to make the decision i i think a lot of i think a lot of
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women i think a lot of modern women get hung up on the word submission yeah it's it's it's the word
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itself can we correct that to our body gets a bit confused with submission because not just the
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girls i'm telling you now i brought that up because the man them think submission is bitch shut up your
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mind well but you you get to no no no that's not the guys that they that's the kind of guys that
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listen to you talk here i don't know you last time man was here some guy was telling you bitch
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your mind that's what submission is and people like yeah like shut up who said that last show
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the guy that was sitting here was that and that's what a lot of men think that they think submission
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is that you tell your woman to shut up because i'm the man i think i think the idea last show was that
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you you were talking about like you dated the rapper right no we're talking about submission
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i don't know you want to get to me i don't know you want to get to me but that's a different
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you like bad boys no yes i no i like one bad boy on the rebound
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wait we actually have a question what do you think of michael just like
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why you did that i love this question oh you're trying it you're trying it you're trying it
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is this like a match like are we set michael he's a special yeah he didn't even yeah he
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didn't want to give his government name in the beginning but wait wait wait why are you
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just saying i'm just saying michael is a libra right now i'll tell you what that means because
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i i i try trouble with him okay horror assaults don't mean no no it's a good way it's a points
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of reference for description so i i approached him first he's got like the tattoos the gold
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teeth the gold jewelies hey did you say you you approached him first yeah yeah i spoke to him
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okay okay of course i'm a confident woman i'm not afraid and i was like okay so he fits a certain
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stereotype he looks like a certain way so you may come across you can make a judgment but actually
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hearing what he's had to say and how he's spoken he's quite balanced he's he's just a
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a hardcover but sweet story can i ask can i ask can i ask you a question don't worry i've got the
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socials already is he is he like a libra though well yeah yeah okay sweet story is that what a libra
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is because i've lied tons of times just gives a about my horoscope
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oh then gemini no gemini no no see but i would be all those things back in the day
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okay okay okay okay you said you said i love you yeah you said my dad dad he might as well be
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a man got the people now i'm not for the time see man they're in trouble why was a boy then then
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they didn't get to go an initial question and whether love relationships and marriage
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were based on happiness yeah uh no it's based on practicality and you know offspring etc outside of
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that i have no real interest i think marriage you have to actively get up and say i want this to
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work like it's not just going to fall into your lap you have to look at it like almost a job like
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you're going to commit to this person respect them take their feelings into consideration you have to
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literally get up and actively work on it every day or it's not going to work basically as many of you
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know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform if
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