JustPearlyThings - August 09, 2023


These Modern Women Don't Know What Men Look For In RELATIONSHIPS


Episode Stats


Length

20 minutes

Words per minute

218.02998

Word count

4,517

Sentence count

1

Harmful content

Misogyny

41

sentences flagged

Hate speech

11

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode we discuss what men are looking for in a woman, what they want in a partner and what they're looking for from a woman. We also discuss the importance of a woman who can give her partner the peace and stability they need in a relationship.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 what do you guys think that men look for so if you had to list like five things that men look for
00:00:04.560 what would you say god i've really been out the game for a while so i think i'm not the right
00:00:08.400 person to ask yeah but you're you're in it now so what do you you gotta i'm not really i'm not
00:00:14.160 really if you wanna if you wanna get this guy right you gotta know your target i don't really
00:00:18.240 care right now your mark i'm like it's too soon it's too soon i'm working on me but you didn't
00:00:25.600 learn anything about like what your husband liked if you're married that long well not me
00:00:32.800 you didn't learn anything how long were you married 10 years to you you were married a
00:00:36.800 guy for 10 years you didn't learn anything about men
00:00:41.280 clearly not because he left so um i don't know i don't know how to answer that question okay
00:00:48.000 what do you think men want i think they want a woman that gives them space to be them 1.00
00:00:52.400 um i also think they want someone that like supports them i always believe i think i come
00:00:59.200 from quite a traditional um background in terms of like family and like how things run i'd say
00:01:05.440 um so i think a woman that allows him to be the head but still can be the neck that holds him through
00:01:11.280 whatever it is that you both need to go through um i think someone that's his piece you know someone
00:01:17.120 that can bring some form of tranquility into his life when everything feels like it's all over the place
00:01:21.520 or to just actually just you know just be at peace and not bring so much like problems or
00:01:27.520 always moaning or plucking things out of thin air to make something happen from past trauma or whatever
00:01:33.120 it is um i think that's what men kind of look and again i'd say that looks or some sometimes it could
00:01:39.680 be body but i wouldn't say it is i think it depends on what stage they're at in their life if they're
00:01:44.560 willing to just like mess around and just want their tings i feel like that's what they focus on but i think
00:01:48.880 when they're ready to settle down it's just a woman that can ground them what do you think i feel 1.00
00:01:54.880 like i wouldn't be able to say like just five things like i feel like in my relationship i know
00:02:01.680 that like my boyfriend tells me that for him it's important that i can give him space that he can grow
00:02:09.040 into the person he needs to be but as long as he knows that i'm gonna be there to wait for him to
00:02:13.920 get to that point then he feels secure in that you know i mean so i feel like men want somebody
00:02:20.320 who's going to be there with them because for men they want to be able to turn around and say yeah i 1.00
00:02:24.320 went through a b c d but this woman stood by me the whole time so that's why she gets to reap the 0.99
00:02:30.160 benefits now so loyalty yeah loyalty is really important for men like obviously everybody wants
00:02:36.400 to be with a loyal partner like men or women but for men it's really important like it's so so important
00:02:42.240 that they can have somebody who grows with them because they want to build with their women they
00:02:46.400 don't want to like just make the money and then get a girl who's only come after the money you know 1.00
00:02:51.600 i mean they want somebody who's been there the whole time so that they feel like this person actually
00:02:56.080 deserves now to reap the benefits of what i've made because they've been there the whole time
00:03:00.000 i think how she carries herself as well like if you're somebody who's you know you don't carry
00:03:15.760 yourself well in public you have a bit of a reputation for yourself it's going to make the
00:03:19.360 men look at you a bit sideways like do i really want this person to be associated with me so like purity
00:03:24.080 yeah purity as well like you want to come from a good place you want to have good like morals and
00:03:29.280 stuff like that so it's not it's like if you know one day you end up having to meet their family and
00:03:34.320 stuff their family don't feel like they have anything to like pick at you about like you've got good
00:03:39.680 morals you come from a good place you know you've got yourself together and they can see that as well
00:03:45.120 then that's what they're looking for okay what about you um definitely men want love 100 um loyalty
00:03:54.400 um they want peace they want you to be their peace so how can you give up because i always hear women 1.00
00:03:59.600 say that like i want to be his peace but i never hear any specifics um it's in terms of like you know
00:04:05.760 leaves the house but work stress got stereotype stress um and then you come home and then you're
00:04:12.880 probably moaning about something that he he didn't call you today like i bring peace to my partner and
00:04:19.600 i'm not just saying that but i i i know that because when he come home and we're together
00:04:25.840 there's this where he can just relax his shoulders basically and not have to be this tough or or watch
00:04:32.480 his back or kind of be like there's a lot of men have to carry a lot basically so the fact that you
00:04:39.120 can be a shoulder to lean on listen to them support them um it's almost kind of like therapy but not in
00:04:46.080 that sort of way men want their women to be therapists not therapists not in that way but
00:04:50.080 men want to have somebody that they can open up to as much as they feel like they want to be tough
00:04:54.640 they want to be they want to have their person and that and their partner is that person we're not
00:05:00.960 judged not feeling like they need to be something that they have to be on the road in the house that
00:05:07.040 sort of thing um and men want love they want genuine wholehearted love um because you know
00:05:17.040 it's that sort of thing you can tell when a guy's in a good relationship how they act and when they're
00:05:22.240 in a bad relationship it affects their whole world around them as much as they might be tough or not
00:05:27.600 so that kind of deep genuine love is one of the things that they're looking for because when guys are
00:05:34.320 in the young age and they're sleeping around they're not looking for those um um they're looking for
00:05:41.840 family orientated um a strong woman somebody like all those things that they're looking for when they
00:05:46.960 want to settle down actually i have one question do you think women like men that are opening up to
00:05:54.160 them emotionally um i think so yeah funny enough um i know someone who she appreciates that um because
00:06:05.680 you get to know the real person when they open up um in terms of partner because there's a lot of
00:06:12.320 things that shape a man you know like family history um what they went through childhood adulthood like
00:06:19.280 there's a lot of things that shape them so when they open up to a woman that's how they get the
00:06:24.800 full picture of a man for example my mom always said when i started dating a man can only act for so
00:06:31.120 long so he might approach with this tough exterior and then or he's chasing after something and then
00:06:40.320 he can't act for that long and then you kind of realize who that real person is
00:06:44.720 so yeah they appreciate when men open up i don't think so i was gonna no i don't know i don't
00:06:51.920 there's studies that show that like women like their husbands less when they open up or cry to them 0.99
00:06:58.080 and i hear guys telling me all the time that like they'll open up to like this is women what we kind
00:07:02.960 of do is we kind of like we don't realize we're doing it but we start to psychoanalyze men and it
00:07:07.520 pisses them off so like they'll say oh this happened in my childhood or whatever they'll open up to us
00:07:12.240 and then we'll be like every time we're in an argument well it's because of his childhood
00:07:16.160 and it's like throwing it in their face that's women leading from a different angle there's this 1.00
00:07:22.640 thing about listen to understand rather than listen to respond and people who that's that's
00:07:27.760 basically you're throwing something back in someone's face so there's women like that because 1.00
00:07:31.600 they're not i think it's common though it is i don't even think it i don't even think it always
00:07:36.240 comes out of a like a place of maliciousness i actually i think so no well i mean for some
00:07:41.600 women yeah but i've heard girls do it and it's more of like them explaining like why he's doing 0.97
00:07:45.920 it but guys don't want to hear that oh they're trying to correct him basically yeah yeah yeah
00:07:50.800 but i genuinely think that telling men to like open up to women is bad advice overall i don't think
00:07:56.240 like you're telling them to open but like i think they should open up to other men do you think so
00:08:01.840 because i don't i don't want i look at a guy i want him to be my rock yeah i don't i don't want
00:08:05.840 a guy that's more emotional than me but when he crumbles all of a sudden it's like who's this person
00:08:11.520 how do i deal with it because i've never seen this side or i never saw it coming and it's like whoa whoa
00:08:16.320 whoa now he's really soft and who is this i'm not saying leave him the second you see any emotion
00:08:22.800 but i think by and large like the more he does it the more likely you will leave because you don't like
00:08:28.640 do women want weak men or do they want strong men it doesn't make you weak to open up i don't
00:08:33.520 think and i think there's a time and place and i think i think as you said it depends on what the
00:08:38.960 woman's there for i think that also plays a part because sometimes you know when you're in your girl
00:08:43.280 chat or it i feel like sometimes it does stem from i wouldn't say it stems from any age range of women 0.61
00:08:48.960 or anything i think it's off a perspective and how like you said you want your man to be but nine times
00:08:53.760 out of ten i do feel like if a man opens up or he gets emotional i feel like if you've not been
00:08:58.160 together for a very long period of time or it's quite new women tend to go yeah but i don't actually
00:09:03.120 know why he opened up to me like why is he acting bare soft or like it's just a bit like what do i do
00:09:08.720 do that i mean a lot of women do get turned off by that kind of stuff yeah of course yeah that's why 0.60
00:09:12.720 it is always better to open up with your boys yeah sometimes your boys just can't support you like that
00:09:19.520 yeah not always or even reach out to a coach or a mentor an expert in that field i'm not even just
00:09:25.200 saying no but that's that's actually the reason why i got into it but like um yeah unfortunately
00:09:30.320 let's admit that your words do get used against you in an argument and women do sometimes tend to go to 1.00
00:09:37.120 that that that because when they want to get a reaction out of you they want to see some emotion
00:09:41.280 they will go to that soft place so i always tell men just yeah not not to open up and put your girl 0.87
00:09:46.960 and i think it goes back to like all them like old time saying you know like you treat him a mean
00:09:53.840 keep him keen so it's like that's what women like kind of sometimes that chase and that play with men 1.00
00:09:59.600 i feel like they don't always like what they want sometimes they like to be put in their place they
00:10:03.760 like a man to be able to know he can do that well and i think it also goes back to like women 0.85
00:10:08.160 reproduce with aggressive men you know that um felon violent felons have more children than
00:10:14.960 people that don't have a criminal history wow is that not to do with grape though i mean
00:10:20.320 that sounds a little sus that they have a violent history and then they have more girls look at what 1.00
00:10:25.200 happened to ted bundy when he was in prison i know but i feel like that's a wild exception in general
00:10:31.040 it's not an exception if you look at if you take the percentage of men that reproduce that are violent
00:10:35.600 felons they were to reproduce more than people without a criminal history and when there's even like a 0.63
00:10:40.720 trend of women falling in love with their captors or or pursuing those men when they're in prison
00:10:46.400 that's trauma like that's trauma though it's stockholm syndrome is like pursuing your captor
00:10:50.720 no i don't think it is i think it's biology i'm not saying it's like a good thing but why
00:10:56.080 well because because historically what what happened we were in tribes right and what would happen you
00:11:01.920 would be with the strongest man because they would kill your man and they would take you 0.66
00:11:04.880 i don't know you you had to like learn how to be fall in love with the person that capture captured
00:11:10.240 you if you wanted to survive and reproduce just like an anomaly here but like i could not be with
00:11:15.520 a man if he didn't open up to me if he didn't have a soft side and like if someone opens up to
00:11:19.600 me early on i take that as a positive sign that i've made them feel comfortable i've never ever ever
00:11:23.360 judged someone for that and i don't think that men should be trying to be with the kind of women 1.00
00:11:27.280 that would judge them for that like i would never encourage my male friends to be with a girl who would 0.99
00:11:32.400 like sneer at him for crying yeah but i think by and large like women lose respect for men the more
00:11:39.360 that they open up so i think it's like from a feminine point of view where like this is why
00:11:44.240 they say women give bad dating advice because across the board women don't respect men that open up more
00:11:49.120 i think it depends on a lot of factors like age and stuff like that because i think maybe at 23
00:11:54.400 i would have been like but you meet a man at 45 he's had children he's had trauma are you gonna have
00:12:01.520 people come with more stuff and i'm more like 360 now and i would be able to deal with it much more
00:12:07.440 now than i would be able i wouldn't judge a man for opening up to me now i mean yeah you might not
00:12:11.840 think you would no i really don't know but there's there's studies that show that women lose respect for 1.00
00:12:17.040 men the more they cry the more they like that's one way that men open up in front of society right
00:12:23.840 it's across the board they've done multiple studies with multiple different women in multiple regions
00:12:28.880 we just think about it like we don't you don't want a guy that's crying every day not every day
00:12:33.040 but like something traumatic his dad's died you want him crying but see this is what this is the
00:12:37.680 thing though like every time i bring up this example that's always what women say it's like 0.99
00:12:41.440 when his dad died that's extreme yeah but when you're talking about every day overall overall you still
00:12:46.800 want a strong man you don't want a guy that's crying every day every day every day and we're doing
00:12:51.920 like once like there's a there again there's a spectrum okay so how often can he cry like when
00:12:57.040 the way after like when something traumatic happens okay so how often what if it's once a week you
00:13:01.760 staying no okay i would say i mean if it was going through a bad patch or something and he's got
00:13:07.680 depression and like then again there's different circumstances so three years he's depressed every
00:13:12.320 week he's crying that's going to be tough but see that's that's my point but if i was crying every
00:13:17.200 day for three years that's going to be tough it's not i don't know girls cry once a month if you know
00:13:21.120 what i mean yeah but that's not every day for three years it depends on your preference now you're
00:13:27.840 right there's some women that put up with more and there's some that put up with less but if you're 1.00
00:13:31.600 advising men why would you tell them to do something that most women don't like by and large because i
00:13:36.080 wouldn't want them to be with most women though i'd want them to be with someone who's going to 1.00
00:13:39.040 emotionally support them and love them like unconditionally and if that means i cry women women don't love 1.00
00:13:44.480 unconditionally they love under conditions yeah come on if your guy was unemployed for 10 years
00:13:50.320 you're staying not working sitting on the couch it's obviously it's situational when you get with
00:13:55.360 somebody but that's the point see you you wouldn't but you would it like if something happened to my
00:14:00.800 boyfriend if my boyfriend got cancer and couldn't work and he was ill for 10 years would i leave him
00:14:06.080 absolutely not not a million years i would stay and i'd support him it's actually men who live in that
00:14:09.920 situation but i wasn't talking about the exception i'm talking about the rule and one of the number one
00:14:13.440 indicators of divorce is financial yeah because and women and actually one out of six divorces women 1.00
00:14:19.200 are spiteful and wreck men in court what does that mean financially wreck that means they don't give
00:14:24.560 them access to the children and they also financially ruin them one of every six divorces yeah but most 0.93
00:14:29.680 men don't it's only like 20 of men try to get access to their children why i don't know why because
00:14:35.760 they feel like it's not okay so they just don't bother but why would you not fight if i had lost control i
00:14:40.240 don't have children but like if i lost my children i would fight for them i wouldn't be like i'll tell
00:14:44.960 you i'll tell you i'll tell you why they don't fight so um i interviewed and i'm doing a documentary
00:14:49.440 on this okay so i actually have spoken like i just did one today um so basically what a girl can do is
00:14:56.640 she can put it's a restraining order i forgot what you you guys did non-molestation order yeah non-mol so
00:15:02.800 so one call right she can put in a non-molestation order and say he abused her and by the way she's 1.00
00:15:07.840 incentivized to say this so she gets free housing if she says that he abused her and free um lawyers 0.98
00:15:14.560 so one call he's out of his house because he can't stay in the house he he still has to pay the
00:15:18.560 mortgage on and now he doesn't get a court date for a year so it takes him a year six months to a
00:15:23.760 year to even see his kid that she's not letting him see and he can't even legally go and try to see
00:15:28.960 the kid okay then if he wants to so she gets free lawyers and by the way these women's shelters they 1.00
00:15:35.200 know exactly what to say so he cannot get access to the kids okay um and so on top of that and this
00:15:42.080 is this women can do this too or men can do this too but they're not typically the first ones who 0.95
00:15:46.160 file women file eighty percent at the time ninety percent if they're college educated so on top of 1.00
00:15:50.480 that if he wants to fight in court he has to spend twenty to thirty thousand dollars or pounds here
00:15:55.920 would your children not be worth okay okay okay i'll get to it i'll get to it so the average guy makes
00:16:01.040 what thirty five thousand pounds so now he's in all this debt trying to get his kids okay so he
00:16:06.960 goes to court and there's only a ten percent chance of him winning ten percent of the time so now he's
00:16:12.160 just and on top of that he's still paying the mortgage on his house and on top of that he he's now on
00:16:17.520 child support so he's probably paying like three four hundred bucks a month on top of maybe a fifteen
00:16:23.280 hundred dollar a month mortgage so that's almost two grand okay he's paying a month and then he's got the
00:16:29.120 court fees this is where a lot of men kill themselves yeah because they can't see their 0.99
00:16:33.040 kids there's only a ten percent chance they'll get primary custody he could go through the whole thing
00:16:38.480 and probably and if he's lucky he gets six days a month with his kid and she can do it all over 0.97
00:16:44.240 again with one call but if you take that back to the beginning to get a non-moll in the first place
00:16:49.200 you need probable cause that he was violent no you don't no you don't no you don't what do you
00:16:54.320 need that's that you don't need any evidence that i know a girl that got free housing and there was 1.00
00:16:59.360 no man that did anything like she didn't have a boyfriend that's ridiculous and she just said that
00:17:03.920 you don't need any evidence or proof because the differences in family court it's not based off of
00:17:08.560 evidence it's based off of a balance of probabilities and typically when women cry and say they were
00:17:13.280 abused the judge is just going to believe her because again in family court you don't need evidence 0.60
00:17:18.320 where in criminal court you do so the question is why aren't these women in criminal court now what 1.00
00:17:23.200 percent of cases did the women actually in in the women's shelters what percent of cases did the
00:17:28.560 women actually file criminal court where like a man actually got a jury a trial all that what percent 1.00
00:17:34.080 of cases do you think there is well clearly if that system is allowing them to lie then they they won't
00:17:40.320 bother going for criminal right but i'm saying so like if someone punches you in the face most likely
00:17:45.040 you're going to go to court right yeah right you would think right so what what percent out of 10 women 1.00
00:17:50.160 in these women's shelters what percent of them actually went to criminal court maybe like five 1.00
00:17:55.680 i think he's like love it under one yeah one under one it's actually it's higher than you say it's
00:17:59.840 like 15 to 20 so 80 of cases there's no evidence and with one phone call she takes away his kids and 0.98
00:18:06.320 the and financially ruins him and now he's saying on top of the child support he's paying on top of the
00:18:12.240 the um restraining order on top of all of these fees on top of arguing with the mother for a year
00:18:17.840 he needs to fight for his kids and pay 20 to 30 000 pounds for a 10 outcome do you know what if i
00:18:23.520 was a guy i wouldn't do it why would i you wouldn't i think there's men that would go to the ends of
00:18:28.400 the earth for their children but i think there's a lot of men that don't i i think that's easy to
00:18:32.160 say in a place place of privilege but if you're making at this point most of the men are homeless
00:18:37.600 and on top of that their entire community thinks they're an abuser with no evidence but are they
00:18:42.880 homeless though because you've said two things like that the woman's in the house and he's paying the
00:18:46.160 mortgage or is she in a woman's shelter which which one no no they go sorry they go to the 0.99
00:18:50.320 women's um it's not women's shelter it's like a women's um charity to help refuge there's a name
00:18:58.160 for it but it's like it's a women's group basically yeah and so she's in the house he's officially
00:19:03.920 homeless and now he's paying two grand a month and one guy interviewed it was actually the saddest
00:19:07.680 interview he had um three kids and he was a mile away and he couldn't see them he was a mile away from
00:19:14.480 them and he this man was fighting but he lost his job because he worked in electricity and imagine if
00:19:18.960 you're homeless and you can't see your kids and now like mentally how are you going to do that yeah
00:19:26.960 and so it's like it's like we have this narrative and a lot of like feminists honestly push this 0.98
00:19:31.040 narrative where it's like men need to be more men need to do more why when the systems are against
00:19:35.840 them and he could go through all of that not see his kid for a year one more phone call she can just
00:19:39.840 do it again and sign him up for another year and you know i think how long is he expected to do that
00:19:46.320 how long is he expected to financially ruin himself the average guy makes 35 000 a year that costs more
00:19:50.640 than 30 000 what is he supposed to do he doesn't have the money i think we're preparing i think going
00:19:55.920 back to what you said in terms of when you were saying you'd want you'd push your female friends to
00:20:00.400 support men and you'd want your male friends to go for someone that does do that i think it's kind of
00:20:05.280 devil's advocate and what you're saying reality is is that you have to prepare the men around you
00:20:10.080 for what can happen which is that and i think there's a fine line between having an opinion
00:20:14.560 off of what you do and what actually happens in society and it's one out of six divorces that that
00:20:19.840 happens and they and they factor in um like women that do it for like a good reason right like maybe 1.00
00:20:25.040 he actually was abusive or so so they take out those but it's one in six divorces
00:20:29.040 so it's really depressing it's actually really sad