JustPearlyThings - August 14, 2023


These Updates Would Piss Feminists Off


Episode Stats


Length

14 minutes

Words per minute

204.89754

Word count

2,923

Sentence count

335

Harmful content

Misogyny

39

sentences flagged

Hate speech

30

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss what men are looking for in a woman and what they don't want. We also discuss the things we should stop saying to men and how to stop saying them to men. We discuss toxic masculinity and toxic men.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 A couple months ago, I made a list of the things that us as women should stop doing.
00:00:05.880 Now, this is not to say that I am perfect and have never said anything on this list.
00:00:11.680 However, I just felt like this was a very, very good list.
00:00:16.880 So this is the things that men look for, basically, or don't want.
00:00:21.560 It's like want, don't want kind of a combination.
00:00:24.220 No tattoos.
00:00:24.900 Your hobbies cannot be going to the bar every weekend and going out all the time looking like a hoe. 1.00
00:00:30.360 No heavy makeup, eyelash extensions.
00:00:32.360 No super heavy eyeliner.
00:00:34.060 No shopping addiction.
00:00:35.460 No piercing except ears.
00:00:36.820 Be able to get ready in 30 minutes or less.
00:00:39.740 No super long fingernails. 0.69
00:00:41.100 Do not be an idiot.
00:00:42.480 Do not be a beautiful, majestic creature.
00:00:45.100 A girl, she has to have a fitness routine. 1.00
00:00:48.020 Good with kid.
00:00:48.660 Knows how to cook.
00:00:49.580 Coachable.
00:00:50.120 Teachable.
00:00:50.640 Feminine.
00:00:51.520 Do not be a feminist. 1.00
00:00:52.460 Men want women that work hard but not too hard and at the right things. 0.70
00:00:56.880 They do not want a girl that wants a career more than a family. 1.00
00:01:00.040 This is my favorite one.
00:01:01.440 The words we're going to stop saying.
00:01:05.220 Partner.
00:01:05.940 Horoscope signs.
00:01:07.000 Looking for a connection.
00:01:08.160 Energy.
00:01:08.640 Trauma.
00:01:09.160 Toxic masculinity.
00:01:10.980 My truth.
00:01:12.180 Healing.
00:01:12.620 My narcissistic ex-boyfriend.
00:01:14.260 My abusive ex-boyfriend.
00:01:16.000 Grape accusations.
00:01:17.500 Don't judge.
00:01:18.260 Yeah, but.
00:01:18.780 Manifesting.
00:01:19.940 Equals, I want to do no work and still get the outcome I want. 0.97
00:01:23.320 As a woman.
00:01:24.200 We know you're a woman.
00:01:25.540 I did too much and I let him walk all over me.
00:01:28.840 Equals, I like cheaters and toxic men and I will choose them and be toxic as well and not 1.00
00:01:33.340 admit my part that I had any part to play except quote unquote giving too much.
00:01:38.400 Generational trauma.
00:01:39.300 I make the same mistakes that my parents make and I'm too dumb to learn from their mistakes
00:01:43.420 and instead I will make the same mistakes but blame it on them.
00:01:46.800 I'm in my feminine energy.
00:01:49.320 Men always stare and approach me.
00:01:51.620 I will be submissive for the right man.
00:01:54.640 Men are trash. 0.58
00:01:55.500 Equals, I take no accountability for the negative part that myself or any women play in relationships.
00:02:01.180 He needs to make six figures.
00:02:02.760 Equals, I have no emphasis on character.
00:02:05.400 I don't need a man but I want a man.
00:02:07.280 My ring costs this much.
00:02:09.060 Financial abuse.
00:02:10.000 I became feminine.
00:02:10.880 I need a man to maintain you. 0.99
00:02:14.480 We need to vibe.
00:02:15.460 I feel like I'm a traditional when I am single.
00:02:18.780 Manish.
00:02:19.520 I will be submissive for the right man who hurt you.
00:02:22.240 Internalize misogyny.
00:02:23.660 I'm leveling up altogether.
00:02:25.640 I need a man to be on my level.
00:02:28.740 I'm a boss babe.
00:02:29.720 I'm a bad bitch. 1.00
00:02:30.940 These men are broke and dusties.
00:02:32.920 I am the table.
00:02:34.240 I am a 10.
00:02:35.600 He needs to add to what I have going on in my life.
00:02:38.340 Not all women equals that is a problem with women but I won't admit it's a problem. 0.98
00:02:44.700 I need someone to match my energy.
00:02:48.960 I still don't really know what that means.
00:02:51.520 I am his peace.
00:02:53.240 Broken men.
00:02:54.720 Men are F boys. 0.66
00:02:56.220 My body my choice.
00:02:57.560 He hit me harder than I hit him.
00:02:59.760 Body positivity.
00:03:01.700 Manifest.
00:03:02.580 I am not fat.
00:03:03.640 I am plus size or thick.
00:03:05.940 Small d energy.
00:03:07.120 My ex was a narcissist.
00:03:08.580 I am a queen who hurt you. 0.96
00:03:10.480 No respect for my own mother.
00:03:12.560 Yeah.
00:03:13.000 I mean, how is that?
00:03:14.260 Those are all the words that you can't say.
00:03:15.780 Yeah.
00:03:16.140 What can we say then?
00:03:17.520 I have a list.
00:03:20.760 Don't worry.
00:03:22.020 I am so here to help.
00:03:25.280 All right.
00:03:25.940 And this is collaborative.
00:03:27.600 So if you guys have anything you want to add to it, you know, feel free.
00:03:31.720 Phrases to add.
00:03:32.580 I trust you.
00:03:33.240 I support you.
00:03:34.280 Whatever you say, honey.
00:03:35.660 Thank you.
00:03:36.140 I have your back.
00:03:36.980 I'm making this for dinner tonight.
00:03:38.600 I believe or I think.
00:03:40.240 What can I do for you?
00:03:41.600 How can I help?
00:03:42.300 I'm proud of you.
00:03:42.960 I believe in you.
00:03:43.680 I couldn't do this without you.
00:03:44.860 I need you.
00:03:45.420 I love you.
00:03:45.980 I miss you.
00:03:46.480 I care about you.
00:03:47.120 I want you.
00:03:47.960 I admire you.
00:03:49.560 Oh, gosh.
00:03:50.020 I always forget this one.
00:03:51.100 I'm not reading that.
00:03:52.240 You inspired.
00:03:52.780 No, no, no.
00:03:53.280 Don't do that.
00:03:53.840 Don't do that, pal.
00:03:54.660 I read that.
00:03:55.480 I do this every time.
00:03:57.600 Get in the bedroom and drop your pants before you go to work.
00:04:00.780 Yeah, man.
00:04:01.180 You inspire me.
00:04:03.400 You're so red.
00:04:04.620 Thank you for working so hard.
00:04:06.620 Babe, I know you didn't mean it.
00:04:07.780 I'll let it go.
00:04:08.300 It's not a big deal.
00:04:09.440 I love that.
00:04:10.040 I love that.
00:04:10.640 I actually love that.
00:04:11.260 At least there was shorter than you.
00:04:12.520 I love that.
00:04:13.160 I love that.
00:04:13.280 It was shorter, you know?
00:04:14.460 Well, you know, we can add more if you have things you want to add.
00:04:17.080 It's really collaborative.
00:04:18.360 I've worked with a lot of people on this.
00:04:20.060 Okay, cool.
00:04:21.260 I think, though, whatever you say, honey.
00:04:23.020 You want a head massage?
00:04:23.780 That's the only thing.
00:04:24.880 That depends on the context.
00:04:26.840 And I was thinking that as well, yeah.
00:04:28.340 It can be a little bit like, oh, you know, like, oh, I have to do it again.
00:04:33.120 I just, you know, it depends on the context.
00:04:36.760 See, this is where the good women have gone. 0.99
00:04:38.180 You don't want to do that.
00:04:39.380 If you're with the right woman, that won't happen. 0.99
00:04:41.820 If you're with the right woman, if you're with the right man, that won't happen. 1.00
00:04:45.400 It depends on the context.
00:04:46.900 She's right.
00:04:47.620 It does.
00:04:48.180 But it doesn't matter.
00:04:48.760 Okay, I have to be honest.
00:04:50.300 I think women that say this, because I hear this a lot, it typically means I am disagreeable and I don't want to listen.
00:04:57.680 Okay.
00:04:58.440 Typically.
00:04:59.340 Or the men I pick aren't worthy.
00:05:01.460 Or like something, like I like bums, basically, is the other, like, it's like a trend.
00:05:06.340 Well, some women pick men who are, I think, for their character, too masculine.
00:05:12.840 I don't want to say that because then you're going to be, like, feminine, masculine.
00:05:16.020 No, like, too, you know, like, she's not feminine enough. 1.00
00:05:19.340 The man is really masculine.
00:05:21.640 But we're not meant to be masculine.
00:05:22.180 So she's in her feminine most of the time, but sometimes she's like, oh. 1.00
00:05:26.260 See, I see the language.
00:05:27.580 In her feminine. 0.92
00:05:28.840 Yeah, I knew you were going to pick that up, girl.
00:05:32.220 I just think it's, like, nonsense.
00:05:34.280 Like, it's just, it's like these women that go on Instagram and they'll say, oh, I'm a feminine. 0.94
00:05:40.020 I don't know if it's you.
00:05:41.000 I hope that's not what you do.
00:05:42.580 But, like, it's like I'm now a femininity coach.
00:05:46.000 And there's some genuine ones.
00:05:47.640 I'm not going to say there's not.
00:05:48.940 There are genuine ones that help.
00:05:50.100 There's men who do this, too.
00:05:51.180 Masculine, feminine energy. 0.85
00:05:52.940 The ones that I see that are full of shit.
00:05:56.240 Because men actually look to solve problems. 0.97
00:05:58.160 So if you look at, like, men's improvement, it's very practical.
00:06:01.380 So it's very much, like, go to the gym, screw a bunch of girls so you know how to.
00:06:06.960 Or do, you know, like, I've even, there's an ex-corn star that's been on my show.
00:06:10.520 He has very practical, you know, tips.
00:06:12.820 Not my thing, right?
00:06:14.140 But, like, or they'll do, like, go to the gym, make more money.
00:06:19.000 Women, it's very, like, broad. 1.00
00:06:21.220 Like, soft life.
00:06:23.840 I'm going to sit at home.
00:06:25.180 And it's never, like, concrete steps.
00:06:28.560 I've only had one, like, femininity coach give me, like, real concrete steps that isn't just, like, journaling or. 0.99
00:06:34.800 Actually, I have something to say about feminine coaches. 1.00
00:06:41.280 They operate from, again, energy.
00:06:46.140 But, like, what is to be feminine?
00:06:47.720 They tell you be creative.
00:06:49.220 Like, focus on things that make you tap into the, like, that traditional woman. 0.99
00:06:54.220 That's what they are all about.
00:06:56.340 Like, try to, for, I've been in touch with some of them.
00:07:00.020 They tell you, like, listen to music, dance, or create something with, like, a painting or something tangible with, like, artistic.
00:07:09.960 Yeah, and to me, this sounds like nothing useful to a guy.
00:07:14.920 Go listen to, like, go listen to some music.
00:07:19.700 But I can.
00:07:20.700 Like, I'm just, I just have yet.
00:07:23.800 There's only been one femininity coach that, like, actually talked about real stuff.
00:07:27.860 And she helped me write most of these, like, words to add.
00:07:30.480 In the short term, it might seem that it's not helping.
00:07:33.700 But imagine on the long term, rather than a woman being in her, as I say, masculine energy, which is, like, shouting and confronting. 0.90
00:07:41.920 She learns to be submissive, but, like, step by step.
00:07:45.440 First of all, by tapping into these skills, then to be comfortable just doing even something such as cooking.
00:07:53.540 They tell you cooking makes you tap into your feminine energy more and more. 1.00
00:07:57.360 So, maybe by building those little habits.
00:08:01.240 I think cooking, yeah, I don't think cooking is bad.
00:08:04.200 But I just, you can't convince me.
00:08:08.780 Do you know why we need these now?
00:08:10.560 I agree with you.
00:08:11.860 I agree that it shouldn't matter.
00:08:14.120 But we need these now because a lot of women and men as well forgot that natural state. 1.00
00:08:20.800 You know, what's your natural state as a woman? 1.00
00:08:23.100 I don't know because I get really confused because I hear these, like, women talk about soft, 1.00
00:08:27.220 soft life, right?
00:08:28.100 But, like, our great-grandmothers really didn't have a soft life. 0.99
00:08:32.100 They were milking, like, at least I'm from the U.S., they were milking cows.
00:08:35.480 Like, have you seen Amish people?
00:08:36.820 That's where they used to live.
00:08:38.060 Like, they do not have a soft life.
00:08:40.000 And soft life, to me, is living off a man. 0.90
00:08:42.520 That's what I see as a soft life.
00:08:45.160 Maybe.
00:08:45.700 Yeah.
00:08:46.140 When you ask where all the women, good women, went, I mean, to me, they went to confusion and independence. 1.00
00:08:50.560 Right.
00:08:51.060 And this confusion is a diffused awareness because of the primal nature, right?
00:08:56.280 A man is hunting.
00:08:57.440 He's directive in his focus.
00:09:00.200 And a woman is diffused because she only has a certain amount of daylight hours to get as many berries as she can. 1.00
00:09:04.980 And she's very skilled at it. 0.99
00:09:06.240 She can do it way quicker than a man, apparently. 1.00
00:09:08.420 And it's part of our survival mechanism.
00:09:10.160 And so it is kind of obtuse and broad when we think about how we go back into our feminine nature so we're not, you know, in this CEO role of our families, of our relationships, of our businesses.
00:09:24.220 And then we've got to come home and then deal with the reality of, like, you know, being a partner, which is a totally different energy.
00:09:30.880 It's not, you're not directive.
00:09:32.640 Like, yeah, you've got to get the meal on the table.
00:09:34.900 And my grandmother and my mother, they worked really hard as homemakers.
00:09:38.180 It was, like, taboo for them to work.
00:09:40.760 But my generation and our generation now, it's very, it's a lot of confusion.
00:09:46.020 And we're still growing into that.
00:09:48.100 You know what it is?
00:09:48.560 How do we balance that?
00:09:49.720 It's Beyonce's fault.
00:09:52.340 I'm being serious.
00:09:53.340 She made a tune called Single Ladies, All of These Things with a Ring on a Finger. 1.00
00:09:57.480 I think we're very capable as women.
00:09:59.080 You know what I'm saying?
00:09:59.700 But I think there's a lot of confusion.
00:10:01.000 From the night, to be honest, you'll say you're right.
00:10:03.320 From the 90s, 2000s, whatever, there's been a lot of independence, independence, too.
00:10:08.180 Do your thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:10:09.820 Cool.
00:10:10.560 You can do your independence.
00:10:11.760 But if you don't need a man, then cool.
00:10:14.380 Someone said modern-day gathering has turned into shopping.
00:10:20.580 Yeah, but why do you think women are having burnout, endocrine disruption, cancer, depression? 1.00
00:10:26.560 I mean, there's all these issues with women's health because they're trying to be a man. 1.00
00:10:30.780 No, I spoke to a hormone doctor about this.
00:10:34.660 He said women and men don't handle stress the same, and it really messes up our hormones
00:10:39.640 being in high-stress positions.
00:10:41.680 And you know what the matter is?
00:10:42.500 If you stay in your feminine energy and you come home and you look after your partner, 0.96
00:10:45.800 your man is going to want to look after and do everything in his power to make sure you're good.
00:10:50.600 Yeah.
00:10:50.780 That's as simple as I can explain it.
00:10:54.160 As long as you stay in your feminine and you look after that man, he's going to do everything 0.99
00:10:57.620 for you, regardless, naturally.
00:10:59.520 But earlier with what I was saying, if you're not showing certain things to him, he's going
00:11:03.600 to see that.
00:11:04.060 I'm like, all right, cool.
00:11:04.860 She's not really, mm, my kind.
00:11:06.980 I'll sit back.
00:11:07.700 I'm there, but I'll sit back a little bit.
00:11:09.540 But if he sees you're making effort, like even cooking, cooking, if you want to get through
00:11:14.040 to a man's heart, it's through his belly. 0.89
00:11:15.400 100%.
00:11:15.780 It's as simple as that.
00:11:16.540 You get what I'm saying?
00:11:17.520 Yeah.
00:11:17.820 And I also, I fell into the boss babe culture for a long time when I was obese and I, 0.56
00:11:21.840 and then I started losing weight, but I was still in the boss babe culture.
00:11:24.220 I was like, oh, I don't need a man.
00:11:25.800 Like, I'm fine.
00:11:26.560 And it was when I had the daddy issues when I was, I didn't have a good relationship
00:11:29.660 with my father.
00:11:30.120 And it wasn't until I held my relationship with my father that I was like, oh, okay.
00:11:34.660 I actually, you know, it's really important that I don't have to work like a man. 0.77
00:11:38.560 I was so stressed.
00:11:40.060 I was so anxious all the time.
00:11:41.620 And then I just let it go.
00:11:42.540 It's like, I don't need to do that.
00:11:43.460 My future husband will provide for me.
00:11:45.340 My future husband will do these and I'll fall into my feminine roles. 0.99
00:11:47.640 I will cook.
00:11:48.480 I will clean.
00:11:49.060 I will take care of the kids.
00:11:49.860 I'll take care of the house like that.
00:11:50.960 And I'll garden.
00:11:52.180 What did you do?
00:11:52.740 Did you quit your job?
00:11:53.940 No, I just.
00:11:54.880 Oh, okay.
00:11:55.140 I was just curious.
00:11:55.940 Well, I guess I did.
00:11:56.800 It's a total miracle.
00:11:57.300 I just, I flipped two houses last year and I was like, I don't want to do this anymore.
00:12:01.140 So I just decided to stop doing it.
00:12:03.060 That's college.
00:12:03.620 Oh, wow.
00:12:04.000 It was a miracle though, really.
00:12:05.460 Yeah, because I, no, no, no.
00:12:06.760 No, because I was the boss, right?
00:12:08.580 I had to be the provider.
00:12:09.860 I had to be everything.
00:12:10.480 And you didn't have that example.
00:12:12.340 And I think that's another part of where all the good women have gone inside of this independence, 0.97
00:12:15.820 inside of this confusion.
00:12:17.360 It's fatherless families.
00:12:18.980 And like Pearl was saying earlier, if you don't have the example, how are you supposed
00:12:22.380 to know?
00:12:22.880 And you haven't had the example, Penelope.
00:12:24.700 So it's a miracle.
00:12:26.320 Purely.
00:12:26.920 Purely.
00:12:27.320 Yeah, no, it is.
00:12:27.840 And it was like growing up with you as my mom, like you played both roles, the dad and
00:12:31.280 the mom.
00:12:32.060 And so that was very interesting because I grew up thinking, oh, I don't need men.
00:12:35.540 Like men are terrible.
00:12:36.280 And I even thought my dad's father was terrible, but now he's like my best friend.
00:12:39.500 And I think where the good women are going is they think that it's a bad thing to be 1.00
00:12:43.720 feminine.
00:12:44.400 I think that the mindset of women today feel like I'm like that.
00:12:48.380 And now if you're feminine and traditional online, people are like, you're not a feminist, 1.00
00:12:52.420 you hate women, you are terrible, you are a disgraced society, you should go die.
00:12:56.420 And it's like, wait, wait, what?
00:12:57.680 Like women are the most beautiful things on planet. 1.00
00:12:59.620 They create human beings.
00:13:01.160 Men cannot create human beings. 1.00
00:13:02.620 So why are women putting women down? 1.00
00:13:04.540 Well, I think it's probably because women want women to fail and see them. 1.00
00:13:08.520 I think it's because we're not supposed to be competing with our mom's generation.
00:13:13.380 Because the thing is, like, if you have a 45 year old and you have like a 25 year old
00:13:17.820 girl, it's like a lot of times the guys you might want are the same age.
00:13:21.500 Because women like 45 tend to want guys like it's like five to seven years younger. 0.91
00:13:26.300 Where women 25 want guys five to seven years older. 0.93
00:13:29.340 This crossover and I think bitter older women that don't want you to win will tell you the 1.00
00:13:34.420 wrong information.
00:13:36.360 And it's because like if they're if they're being a hoe, right? 1.00
00:13:39.820 Like what's the worst feeling when you take a test and you fail?
00:13:42.440 What's the worst feeling when everyone else succeeded?
00:13:46.060 Right.
00:13:46.420 But if you turn around and they say I failed too.
00:13:48.380 It's like you feel a little bit better.
00:13:49.780 So it's like these women want other people to be miserable in their negative decisions. 1.00
00:13:53.940 It's true.
00:13:54.280 And I've lost hundreds of people because of it, because of succeeding in my relationship
00:13:58.220 and having a healthy relationship with my father, people dislike me because of that.
00:14:01.700 And it's like, why do you hate me for having a healthy relationship with my family?
00:14:05.180 Am I, am I, am I?
00:14:06.140 So would you, would you say?
00:14:07.240 And especially on like, they don't want you to win.
00:14:09.580 No.
00:14:09.920 Like, it ain't.
00:14:10.560 They want you to fail.
00:14:11.040 They want you to be divorced, miserable, sad, fat, on your phone, on TikTok, dying.