JustPearlyThings - These Women Refused To Take Accountability

00:00:00.000 Yeah, but the thing is like, but women, but women, women, some women seek, some women seek partners and some women seek companionship. And I feel like it's more so in the hands of the man to an extent. So you can't solely put it on women. That's the thing. 0.97

00:00:19.400 So like if a guy that I was interested in, that was the kind of guy that I would go for, wanted to take things further with me, everything would be progressive and moved by him. It's not by the woman. And if a guy's not doing that, then how is the woman the blame?

00:00:36.700 Because wouldn't you say that she's not like a high enough quality? Like if a man doesn't get laid, we put it on the men, right? So we'll say, we'll say the men, it's your fault. You're not getting laid. You should go make more money, go to the gym, do this, do this. But for women, it's like, if we're not getting into relationships, isn't that our own fault that we should be better?

00:00:53.560 I don't feel like we definitely, if you want to get married, you want to communicate with a guy and tell them. That's what my future entails. I want to get married.

00:01:00.780 Not tell him. I'm saying like, bring more to the table.

00:01:03.700 Yeah, I feel like I bring enough to the table.

00:01:05.360 I'm not talking about you. I don't know what you do.

00:01:09.920 I feel like it's important for a woman to let a man know when you start that relationship, this is what I want in a man. 0.62

00:01:17.880 Because when I go and get into a relationship, I let them know, I want to have kids, but I want to be married first.

00:01:25.060 No, I agree with you. You should tell them.

00:01:27.500 But my question wasn't about telling him.

00:01:30.340 My question was, if you're a girl and you can't get in relationships, isn't that your own fault? 1.00

00:01:35.360 Like, how is it our fault?

00:01:37.640 Like, if a man can't get laid, isn't that his fault?

00:01:41.680 Like, he should go to the gym, he should make more money.

00:01:45.620 Like, no guy that's a billionaire isn't getting laid, right?

00:01:47.960 Or making six figures, right?

00:01:49.680 Yeah, but there's other things that attract people to him.

00:01:52.200 Wouldn't you say, so you don't think it's his own fault if he doesn't get laid?

00:01:57.220 Well, if he's a billionaire, then...

00:01:58.800 Not a billionaire. I'm saying, like, if a man doesn't get laid, we tell that man to improve, right?

00:02:04.280 Yeah.

00:02:04.800 We say, go to the gym. Like, you're a dating coach, right? That's what you would say.

00:02:08.300 Go to the gym, learn to talk to girls, etc., etc.

00:02:11.640 So if a woman's not getting in relationships, that's the equivalent, right? 1.00

00:02:15.300 Because men try to get sex, women try to get relationships. 1.00

00:02:18.180 So if we can't get relationships, isn't that on the woman because she's not bringing enough to the table 1.00

00:02:22.960 that makes men want to get in relationships with her? 1.00

00:02:26.260 So what is she bringing to the table?

00:02:28.160 I don't know. It depends on the girl.

00:02:29.400 I get what you're saying, but I don't think it's on the woman.

00:02:33.120 I feel like it's on the man.

00:02:34.600 He's not persistent enough.

00:02:36.440 That's the problem as well.

00:02:37.660 He's not bringing the energy.

00:02:38.840 They're not trying hard enough.

00:02:40.220 No, I'm saying, like...

00:02:40.800 Oh, you said, no, okay, well, I'm going to walk off and...

00:02:42.720 No, I agree.

00:02:44.280 But there's a girl...

00:02:44.960 Okay, there's a girl I went to college with, right?

00:02:46.900 And this girl was just raised super traditional.

00:02:49.220 Like, she was one of the most traditional women I've ever met.

00:02:51.560 She could cook.

00:02:52.860 And she just had that personality. 0.99

00:02:54.660 Like, she was beautiful.

00:02:55.520 She just had that personality that men, like, loved. 1.00

00:02:57.620 Like, she was very good about, like, catering to guys.

00:03:00.380 She would just notice, like, little...

00:03:01.620 You know those people that just make you feel very, like, warm and comforting and, like, at home.

00:03:05.780 And, like, she never had a problem getting in relationships.

00:03:08.620 Like, any guy she slept with would date her because she was just so feminine. 1.00

00:03:12.600 And so, it's like, if you're a woman and you sleep with a guy and he doesn't want to be with you,

00:03:17.420 like, you're not doing something.

00:03:18.920 Like, something's wrong.

00:03:20.260 Yeah, I agree.

00:03:22.200 That's a fair point.

00:03:23.740 Yeah.

00:03:24.500 What did you say?

00:03:25.320 I think maybe you're just not bringing your attentions, of course.

00:03:27.540 That's why they just sleep with you and just...

00:03:29.340 No, I'm telling you, for her, it didn't even really matter.

00:03:32.660 Like, she just...

00:03:33.640 And I'm not saying, like, you should just sleep with any, you know. 0.93

00:03:36.320 But for her, like, she just was so feminine that, like, every guy...

00:03:40.980 Like, she was just the guy at our college...

00:03:42.520 Or, guy, girl.

00:03:43.460 She was just the girl at our college that every guy wanted to date.

00:03:46.920 And it wasn't like she was super hot.

00:03:48.720 She was cute. 0.89

00:03:49.420 Like, she was pretty.

00:03:50.140 But it was just she was so feminine and cool to be, like... 0.99

00:03:52.760 She just very much, like, made...

00:03:54.960 I don't know, men feel special.

00:03:56.080 She let a man be a man. 0.90

00:03:57.220 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:57.820 So, which means that beauty is not that important, then, after all.

00:04:02.220 If she wasn't that pretty. 0.96

00:04:04.180 So...

00:04:04.500 She was cute. 0.89

00:04:05.780 So, that's what I'm saying.

00:04:07.080 I've heard from guys...

00:04:08.000 This is just what I've heard from guys.

00:04:09.220 Like, it starts with looks.

00:04:10.300 So, they want a girl that's, like, over, like, a six.

00:04:12.680 Or maybe their guy at the floor is a seven.

00:04:14.460 But they'll...

00:04:15.120 Like, guys will go down and looks for femininity. 1.00

00:04:17.740 Yeah.

00:04:18.280 Or...

00:04:18.640 I agree.

00:04:19.560 Cooperation.

00:04:19.840 Cooperation.

00:04:20.580 Yeah.

00:04:20.840 Yeah.

00:04:20.980 And, no, exactly.

00:04:21.720 And what you said, that's just sort of emphasised what I was trying to articulate earlier,

00:04:25.280 which is she's got to be pleasant.

00:04:27.040 And I suppose another word for pleasant is feminine, really. 0.84

00:04:29.300 Yes.

00:04:29.520 You know, you've got to feel that nice energy when you're with her.

00:04:32.600 And some women have that and some women don't. 1.00

00:04:35.040 And I think guys will take...

00:04:36.440 There's this idea that for somebody that you're thinking of marrying looks, even for a guy,

00:04:43.120 it should be...

00:04:43.480 It's of lesser importance, really.

00:04:45.200 It's like, okay, do we actually get on?

00:04:47.000 Is there actually a vibe there?

00:04:47.900 Is she going to be pleasant with me?

00:04:48.940 You know?

00:04:49.160 And there's a sort of a school of thought.

00:04:51.040 I'm not saying I agree with this, but that you should almost, you know, drop down the

00:04:55.780 scale of looks for the woman you're going to marry, because you don't want to be married 0.99

00:04:58.400 to some sort of super high-maintenance kind of nine who's, like, super bitchy, and she's 1.00

00:05:02.340 going to go and fuck the poor boy, you know, in six years' time or whatever. 1.00

00:05:05.600 Do you know what I mean? 1.00

00:05:06.700 So, yeah, definitely.

00:05:09.080 I think femininity and pleasantness is such an important thing. 0.88

00:05:12.220 Yeah.

00:05:13.620 I agree.

00:05:14.520 Yep.

00:05:15.580 I agree.

00:05:16.180 Have you guys ever tried self-improvement as a woman?

00:05:20.920 Nah.

00:05:21.340 Yes.

00:05:23.460 And, like, what did you do to improve?

00:05:27.180 Well, I'm going to say this.

00:05:28.880 I did, like, a few years of therapy.

00:05:31.840 Okay.

00:05:32.240 So, I think that helped me.

00:05:34.040 I'm still, you know, every day there is something to face and something to improve.

00:05:39.200 I think we never are, like, I don't believe there is anyone that is completely, you know,

00:05:43.280 100% perfect in everything.

00:05:45.060 We are just humans.

00:05:46.360 It took me a while to realize that because I've been coming from a background that I wanted

00:05:50.720 always to be perfect, you know, not showing my, you know, fragilities, insecurities.

00:05:55.540 But then, as I grew older, I understood that, you know, actually, that's just, you know,

00:06:00.660 a mask and we are all fragile in a way.

00:06:03.180 And we need just to work out what is wrong with us and trying to transform that in, you know.

00:06:08.680 Did you go to therapy, like, after a bad relationship or?

00:06:12.700 Yeah.

00:06:13.240 Yeah.

00:06:13.420 Also, but also, like, you know, it was a very particular time when I was actually, I just

00:06:18.440 moved here to the UK.

00:06:19.580 So, it was quite difficult for me, that transition.

00:06:22.480 It's hard.

00:06:23.440 Yeah.

00:06:23.800 Yeah.

00:06:23.980 It's really hard.

00:06:24.800 Yeah.

00:06:25.080 So, it's like, it was like, you know, mix of things that made me, you know, make that

00:06:30.060 choice.

00:06:30.660 And I'm glad I did.

00:06:31.700 And then I, you know, I try every day to listen, trying to be a better listener.

00:06:37.640 Me, I love, like, I love to talk.

00:06:40.080 I talk a lot.

00:06:41.120 And I've been learning during the years that actually I need to just shut my mouth and also

00:06:46.520 listen to other people when they talk and trying to, yeah, really listen because it's

00:06:51.720 a very great quality to have.

00:06:53.980 I'm still, you know, trying to improve the aspect, which that doesn't mean that I don't

00:06:58.880 listen to people.

00:06:59.800 I don't care.

00:07:00.800 I'm actually very passionate.

00:07:02.140 So, everything is actually the opposite.

00:07:04.160 When I'm very passionate about something, I just, you know, through my ideas.

00:07:08.060 So, you worked on talking less and therapy.

00:07:10.320 Those are the two things.

00:07:12.020 Well, just like having this type of dialogue, conversations when I don't cut people when

00:07:17.400 they talk eventually.

00:07:18.960 Okay.

00:07:19.660 What did you do?

00:07:21.520 I also went to therapy, not for very long.

00:07:25.640 So, I started and then I became pregnant.

00:07:30.200 So, then I stopped.

00:07:31.940 But I do eventually want to go back because I think it is very important.

00:07:35.500 I think a lot of people need therapy.

00:07:38.860 It's just because, you know, we've all, I think everyone's been through something in

00:07:43.640 life.

00:07:43.940 And I do think it plays a role in how you are in relationships.

00:07:48.360 So, yeah.

00:07:49.180 Going forward.

00:07:49.800 Did you do anything else?

00:07:51.020 Therapy and then any other self-improvement stuff?

00:07:53.940 No.

00:07:54.400 It was just therapy.

00:07:55.080 Therapy.

00:07:55.560 Okay.

00:07:56.080 What about you?

00:07:56.800 Mine was building my confidence.

00:07:59.400 And how did you do that?

00:08:01.120 Going to the gym.

00:08:02.340 Okay.

00:08:03.020 So, I took time out because I feel like you don't really get, I'm very, I'm not much of

00:08:07.080 a giver of life.

00:08:08.400 So, I'll always sit on the phone to someone and give my energy all the time.

00:08:12.380 And I felt like gym was my space of having my energy, getting myself back.

00:08:17.700 And it was even, like, even now I go for a walk at lunchtime just to take time out for

00:08:22.540 myself, eat healthy, just spend time being happy with myself.

00:08:29.300 And I couldn't do that.

00:08:31.180 I realized that there was times where I wasn't by myself and that wasn't normal.

00:08:36.680 So, I needed to work on myself to learn to love myself.

00:08:40.700 And I go to the temple now once a week and just pray.

00:08:46.700 And, yeah, that's how I...

00:08:48.520 So, you got closer to God.

00:08:50.100 You did therapy.

00:08:50.980 Did you say therapy?

00:08:51.900 I didn't do therapy.

00:08:52.480 No, they did therapy.

00:08:53.160 You went to the gym.

00:08:54.060 Yeah, I went to the gym and just walk.

00:08:56.160 And I love nature and stuff like that.

00:08:58.180 So, I'm quite an earthy person.

00:08:59.460 I actually like to walk in the park and see the trees and see little squirrels run around

00:09:02.940 and say hi to the old people because they're really nice.

00:09:05.960 And that's what I love to do, to be honest.

00:09:08.820 And music.

00:09:09.420 Honestly, I feel like music is my therapy because any time I'm sad, I sing a sad song to myself.

00:09:16.360 And the majority of the time I freestyle it, forget the words, and then I can't write it

00:09:19.140 after that.

00:09:20.040 But, you know, and when I'm happy, and I feel like music does help me a lot.

00:09:25.980 Did you do any self-improvement?

00:09:28.480 And if so, what?

00:09:29.100 Well, I have accountability partners, which they're my sisters, but, like, they give me

00:09:35.860 a lot of feedback.

00:09:36.360 Sisters are good for that. 1.00

00:09:37.260 They're honest.

00:09:38.060 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:09:38.360 You're not going to get anyone else's.

00:09:39.680 Yeah, exactly.

00:09:40.260 Because girls, we lie to each other. 0.99

00:09:41.920 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:09:42.900 But sisters lie to us too, but a little less.

00:09:44.960 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:09:46.020 And my mom as well, like, literally, she'll tell me the truth all the time.

00:09:48.820 So, yeah, I think the things that I worked on was my patience.

00:09:52.040 I used to be very impatient.

00:09:53.420 I think I still am, but, like, I'm definitely improving.

00:09:58.300 It's hard.

00:09:58.980 Have you ever noticed, like, because I'm not the most patient person in the world, but

00:10:03.040 I found that, like, my impatience is what makes me good at things because I'm so impatient.

00:10:08.760 Like, I don't want to be bad at something, so I'll get, like, good at it really fast.

00:10:11.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:12.760 But it's also, like, not good when it comes to relationships.

00:10:15.740 Exactly.

00:10:16.060 Because you're just like.

00:10:17.580 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:18.120 Yeah, that's the issue that I face as well.

00:10:20.240 So, yeah, I think that my impatience is something that I definitely have worked on and I've improved.

00:10:25.660 And how did you know you improved?

00:10:27.140 Did your sisters notice?

00:10:28.680 Yeah, definitely.

00:10:29.740 And I feel like in relationships, I could just find myself, you know, I don't want to say

00:10:34.560 tolerating because that's obviously a negative word to use, but, like, not just lashing out

00:10:39.380 or reacting or being impatient.

00:10:42.000 What would you get impatient about?

00:10:46.140 Not getting a handbag.

00:10:48.120 I feel like when people don't think fast on their feet.

00:10:52.240 So, I think fast on my feet.

00:10:53.720 Like, I don't like slow people.

00:10:55.500 So, do you know what I mean?

00:10:56.560 I know what they are.

00:10:57.380 Yeah.

00:10:58.820 Honestly, yeah.

00:10:59.660 That's...

00:10:59.860 You remember the slow walkers?

00:11:02.000 Oh, my gosh.

00:11:02.720 I got it.

00:11:03.600 I got it.

00:11:04.980 I'm a power walker.

00:11:06.580 You know what I mean?

00:11:07.040 Like...

00:11:08.040 But it's like, it's kind of good for you, though, when you walk slow, like, enjoy life a little

00:11:13.480 more, so...

00:11:14.320 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:15.440 Yeah.

00:11:15.920 And I'm seeing the beauty of taking time to do things, like you said, walking as well

00:11:20.040 and stuff like that.

00:11:20.840 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok.

00:11:23.140 And we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.

00:11:27.920 If you want to help, please consider sending a super thanks below.

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JustPearlyThings - March 26, 2023

These Women Refused To Take Accountability

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