JustPearlyThings - April 09, 2023


They All Got TRIGGERED When He Said This


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

209.59227

Word count

2,488

Sentence count

2

Harmful content

Misogyny

23

sentences flagged

Hate speech

11

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss monogamy in the modern dating culture and what it means to be a young man in the 21st century. We discuss what monogamy means to modern women and why it is important for them to have kids.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 do you know what though i think i think in regards to the question about expecting monogamy when
00:00:04.300 you've had a child i would say universally if a woman hasn't helped me attain my high value status 1.00
00:00:11.220 then she can't expect monogamy from me if i do it's not about morals it's just if she hasn't 0.76
00:00:19.900 contributed to me i'm not i don't because you have to remember and i always say this like
00:00:23.420 women are born of value whilst men have to create their value so if i've had to work hard and strive
00:00:28.020 and do what i need to do to attain a certain world you're buying into that lifestyle having done
00:00:32.560 nothing so the only thing you can give to me is probably kids and whatnot and again if i want
00:00:37.340 to give you monogamy i can but you can't expect it from me because you haven't done anything to
00:00:42.120 to warrant the lifestyle but when when you're 20 and or 21 or whatever and you start building
00:00:46.680 would you want to get into a serious relationship really a lot of men and i said this on the show
00:00:53.300 as well it there's context for guys who are in the late 20s building their foundation to or set
00:00:59.600 their foundations they want someone to contribute to their lifestyle it just so happens that with
00:01:03.700 modern women that you're looking for a guy who's already made obviously if you're going for a guy 1.00
00:01:08.420 who's 21 22 23 you should expect a young boy's mentality so i have a question for you go on would
00:01:14.280 you keep that same mindset for a woman who hasn't helped you contribute hasn't helped contribute 0.99
00:01:18.960 oh sorry do you have the same mindset for a lady who hasn't helped to contribute to get you to 1.00
00:01:25.980 where the level you're at now um but she doesn't have a child yeah you have the same mindset yeah he
00:01:33.580 said that in general he's not talking about you having kids because pearly was asking about
00:01:37.760 i mean the point the point is that men like are compromising on their mating strategy but not
00:01:44.580 getting their mating strategy fulfilled in return and what is that so their their mating strategy
00:01:49.700 is they don't want to pass on resources to another man's kid like that's why that's why
00:01:53.880 they're repulsed by hoes that's why they're they're repulsed by like other people's children 1.00
00:01:57.900 it's like a natural so so women want to lock down and get commitment from the highest value guy they 1.00
00:02:04.440 can where men they want purity and youth and they want to know that the kids are theirs so they get
00:02:10.040 neither and we get what we want so are you in a relationship and anybody that you get with from
00:02:14.940 now are you going to be faithful to i don't i haven't i'm close i hit high value status in it so i'm
00:02:20.120 still in the very i'm still very much in my building but yeah you're still if i met someone now and i'm
00:02:24.320 able to build to attain that level then you deserve exclusive can i ask you a question go on
00:02:29.460 okay the goal was intense but let's say let's let's say you were someone who was willing to date
00:02:36.720 someone who had a child and you're in your growing your building status and she was happy
00:02:43.460 and willing to build with you would you be faithful to her so i've accepted a woman for a kid yeah
00:02:51.460 obviously in the normal circumstances that wouldn't happen anyway but if it did and you know what let
00:02:57.240 me just say i i think never say never type thing yeah but i think what what what plays into my idea
00:03:02.900 with that is again it's the fact i'm nigerian and i know that would be even but you know it's so funny
00:03:07.020 you say that yeah but in in nigeria nigerian men in nigeria accept girls with kids more than here
00:03:13.000 my parents are on smoke okay i know for a fact oh does it come from like a cultural thing so so what
00:03:18.540 i've what from my own experience most mothers wouldn't want yeah so for my experience as a single 0.70
00:03:25.240 mother right i get more smoke here than i get in nigeria really and i think and i think a big part
00:03:31.140 of that a big part of that is because back back in nigeria uh a man who who took on another woman's
00:03:39.080 child that wasn't his he gets a lot of honor and respect for that whereas that doesn't happen yeah
00:03:44.880 yeah yeah probably like back in the day it used to happen but because it's almost like oh wow he's the
00:03:49.700 man who not only is he supplying for his own kids but for someone else's there came a lot of respect
00:03:54.600 for that so i think it was more regarded in high regard but it's not regarded like that today like
00:03:58.900 in nigeria you can say that i'll be like oh i've got kids the only thing daily joke though they make
00:04:02.680 in nigeria is like you know you london kids like london girls like to have kids quickly that is it 0.99
00:04:06.840 yeah but they don't they don't say like oh you're less of a woman but they even find women with kids 0.88
00:04:13.500 a lot more serious it's literally the total opposite i think that's that very that's modern i don't
00:04:19.800 think that's no my mom and aunties and stuff like that's not oh yeah it's not a traditional
00:04:25.260 thing yeah yeah it's not a traditional thing yeah yeah yeah so yeah that's still frowned upon like
00:04:29.820 my mom will very much say a lot of the responsibility if the if the family doesn't go well a lot of the
00:04:34.400 responsibility falls on the woman like it's the woman's fault if anything goes wrong what if the
00:04:38.340 marriage didn't work if the marriage didn't work my mom would say if one of the reasons she's scared 0.99
00:04:42.420 that anything would happen in the marriage obviously everything is good but if it was
00:04:45.620 she would say the problem falls on the woman that's very still very much so the case like 1.00
00:04:50.440 obviously modern day women now you know so mad i i agree with you i i as much as is is um a hard
00:04:57.520 pill to swallow the majority of the marriages that don't last is because of the woman not like she 1.00
00:05:04.260 was the problem but she just wasn't willing to shoulder the blame no she was just not willing to
00:05:10.580 continue because like if if if i was to sit here and start dissecting my marriage you'd be like but
00:05:16.580 you could have worked it through it do you know i mean like yeah yeah but and this is why i say that
00:05:22.120 if someone if you if you one of the issues or the mistakes i made i didn't date a bad boy i'm not
00:05:29.520 interested in bad boys i was it wasn't a thing for me i i dated a quiet i was married to a quiet guy
00:05:34.360 but what i didn't pay attention to and that was lack of knowledge is attributes mannerisms how you're
00:05:41.780 raised family values all of that those were my problems it wasn't oh he was cheating or um you
00:05:48.660 know he he was we just did i was just fed up it was that our values didn't work together so that's
00:05:56.120 why it's my fault because you could turn around and say that why didn't you pick up those things but
00:06:00.380 i wasn't wise enough to pick up on those things can i can ask did you leave sorry yes you you left
00:06:06.720 sorry yeah okay first yeah would you ever get back with him no and you know it's so mad yeah you
00:06:12.720 remember the last time we came you said i don't uh you don't remember i do so many shows okay so in
00:06:19.020 a figure of speech but when the last time we came you said that um part of a marriage um as a woman
00:06:24.380 you're meant to for your kids you're meant to stay in a marriage but i remember i said it i said the
00:06:28.480 main reason why i left was because of my kids because when you look at my kids now they're a lot
00:06:33.320 calmer the teachers don't complain about them when i was the teachers used to complain a lot about
00:06:38.960 my children's behavior just them being unsettled just being but as soon as i facilitated structure
00:06:44.980 they're fine was that because you and your your husband were showing the troubles in your
00:06:49.660 relationship to your this was even after we broke up and he had access to the kids okay as soon
00:06:54.800 as that access was no longer there they were a lot more settled i but don't get me wrong i i am so
00:07:01.260 scared raising my boys because i'm a woman do you know i mean so like even little things like when my
00:07:07.980 son comes upstairs and he's crying even though i want to hug him because i don't want to make the
00:07:14.400 mistakes i believe some parents have made on their sons i have to be stern do you know i mean and i i get
00:07:20.360 scared that am i confusing this boy that he need a woman is meant to be aggressive i respect that
00:07:25.640 because that's a difficult situation do you get what i'm saying it's like how do you teach him
00:07:30.700 because a lot of women don't even take that into account a lot of women just they do the 1.00
00:07:33.680 the motherly thing which is just to like cottage yeah i can't as well because when i have a second
00:07:40.000 question would you take him back if there was no other men on the planet no i would be on my own
00:07:46.240 i've started to even though i don't like it and i'm praying to god it doesn't happen but i'm starting
00:07:51.220 to have that 10 that you may be on your own for a long time um do you think you'll have 2.5 million
00:07:58.640 saved up to retire i think by the time you're 60 yes if if that's what i wanted i will have what i
00:08:04.840 want okay i bet yeah i i one thing about me and anyone will tell you is i work hard i'm i am
00:08:10.940 a grinder well women like like because the thing is you're you're probably in a small percentage of 1.00
00:08:18.680 women that make that amount of money but a lot of women will be homeless in that position yeah and i 1.00
00:08:23.340 don't think they're really educated about that because i mean i know there's like government
00:08:27.460 benefits here but you don't know tomorrow they could take them away yeah yeah you're relying on that
00:08:31.600 can i ask a question to the ladies in the room so did you want to do something oh no go ahead um it's a 0.67
00:08:38.840 different shift um obviously women earn their own money and they earn good money nowadays right so 1.00
00:08:45.120 women have almost in certain ways adopted the traditional masculine positions that men have
00:08:51.740 taken historically but then a lot of women will still say that they don't want to provide for a 1.00
00:08:58.420 man so it's almost like they've taken the position of a man but they don't want to take the responsibility
00:09:03.540 that comes with that position i just wonder why do you guys think that is or do you think that's
00:09:08.660 even a fair statement to say um i think i think it's go on no i think it's just again just like
00:09:15.540 subjective you know um i've been in a position where i supported my man for like two years
00:09:20.740 would you have been happy to do that if you stayed together like for the duration of your relationship
00:09:24.960 yeah if i had to for sure but like i think again there is that natural energy exchange that needs to
00:09:33.360 take place um obviously like i would probably have that conversation but like hey you know
00:09:40.820 but like why but what i'm trying to say is like if you're the person in the relationship who is earning
00:09:45.280 more right why would you have to be like okay we need to have a conversation about this why could you
00:09:49.780 just be like okay well i'm just going to be providing for the relationship for because i feel like
00:09:54.340 there's like an energy of like resentment that might come up and where and i guess what i'm asking is
00:09:58.740 where does that come from because i agree yeah um honestly i don't know um would you say it's
00:10:04.160 entitlement no did you still find that man attractive yes yeah yeah i think a woman can do it if she 0.99
00:10:11.960 thinks it's temporary yeah yeah and the thing is like we were we were building like together so i was
00:10:18.340 involved in the dream he was involved in the dream and we were building his dream you know and so i
00:10:24.220 supported that 100 so i could never say oh sorry go on i could never be the provider of my of my home
00:10:31.620 never i don't want to i think it's confusing for the children it's confusing for me
00:10:36.760 yeah no no i like that it's not my role oh it's like why is he not working is it is he staying home
00:10:43.760 and it's not that he's not working right but it's like let's say for example your chosen career
00:10:47.760 pass right you're earning 80k he's earning 30k right and you want to live a certain lifestyle but in
00:10:53.640 want to live that lifestyle like you have to be uh uh have the financial burden of let's say 90
00:10:59.620 of the relationship then that's fine because you want that lifestyle right like the woman wants the 0.97
00:11:05.520 life but you would be okay you'd like you'd be okay providing for him yeah if the woman wants the 1.00
00:11:11.860 lifestyle then you're gonna have to the woman's gonna have to uphold it otherwise she would have 1.00
00:11:16.800 to come down a level but she has to uphold it for herself and for him yeah so you know the way men
00:11:21.300 have traditionally brought women up to their lifestyle you're doing the same for your man
00:11:25.240 like but i feel like most women would not want to do that like you said like a lot of time if a 1.00
00:11:30.740 woman's here she's like i want a guy who's here or above hashtag hypergamy many of you know i was 0.75
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