JustPearlyThings - August 09, 2023


They Exposed This Sad Reality For BROKE MEN


Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

226.96738

Word count

2,838

Sentence count

236

Harmful content

Misogyny

15

sentences flagged

Hate speech

8

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the idea that it's hard to submit to someone if they don't make more money than you, and why it's important to have a partner who can provide for you and your family.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Do you think you guys could respect a guy and follow his lead
00:00:04.280 if you make more money than him?
00:00:06.760 No.
00:00:07.600 Subconsciously, I do.
00:00:08.560 Whoa.
00:00:10.280 No.
00:00:10.880 I don't mind, like, in terms of finances.
00:00:13.380 It doesn't make a difference to me.
00:00:14.720 Yeah, I wouldn't mind if my partner made more money than me.
00:00:17.600 It's as long as you talk to me with the same level of respect
00:00:19.900 because I'm still earning.
00:00:21.240 Do you know what I mean?
00:00:21.540 So what if you were paying 80% of the bills
00:00:23.620 and you had to buy a house?
00:00:25.420 So let's say you pay...
00:00:26.780 That don't make sense.
00:00:27.400 Yeah, let's say...
00:00:28.640 I'm just taking it to the extreme.
00:00:31.320 You're paying 80% of the bills
00:00:32.680 and he says we're buying this house
00:00:35.020 and you don't like it, you hate it.
00:00:37.200 Are you going to go with it?
00:00:38.280 No.
00:00:39.180 You'd have to convince me why we're buying it.
00:00:41.480 You'd have to make logical sense.
00:00:43.480 I personally...
00:00:44.640 The whole point is that you're not submitting
00:00:46.920 if he has to convince you.
00:00:48.620 True.
00:00:48.880 That's like if it's your boss and he tells you to do something,
00:00:51.220 you just do it, right?
00:00:52.080 True, true.
00:00:52.680 So, I mean, I think when we're being honest,
00:00:55.060 it's hard to submit to someone if they don't make more money.
00:00:57.680 And I feel like a man is meant to be,
00:01:00.060 well, if you're married, a provider.
00:01:02.640 Well, not a sole provider, but a provider.
00:01:05.460 And I don't feel like if you're not earning more than me,
00:01:08.400 you could provide for me fully.
00:01:11.180 And if we're buying a house together and I don't like it,
00:01:13.200 I'm providing basically more.
00:01:15.680 It's going to be more my decision.
00:01:17.220 I think it would be hard for me to submit to someone
00:01:19.140 who isn't basically being able to lead me.
00:01:22.060 You're going to have to be able to lead me.
00:01:23.300 And if you're not earning more than me,
00:01:24.840 it's going to be harder for me to agree or listen to you.
00:01:28.320 It might sound, oh, that's not nice, but that's how I feel.
00:01:30.900 I can't listen to someone that isn't earning more than me.
00:01:34.620 But why is that, though?
00:01:35.380 I'm the opposite.
00:01:36.240 I just feel like it's just because of the way I've been raised.
00:01:39.080 If I, for example, I use my dad, he's always been an earner.
00:01:42.220 He's always been able to look after me and his family.
00:01:44.460 So that's what I see my future husband doing.
00:01:47.140 And if you're not earning more than me,
00:01:48.800 maybe if it's a short period of time, you've lost money or you're down.
00:01:52.540 But I couldn't marry someone that earns less than me.
00:01:55.120 I just couldn't.
00:01:56.040 Because how I see the role of a man in the household,
00:01:58.100 you're meant to be a leader, provider.
00:02:00.540 I just couldn't.
00:02:01.320 I don't understand.
00:02:02.020 But sometimes there's a come up, so they might be low in the beginning.
00:02:05.720 Could you stick by someone that has a good heart
00:02:08.360 and be with them through the come up?
00:02:11.340 To be honest with you, I feel maybe because of my past experiences,
00:02:14.160 where I am now, I don't want to be with someone that's on the come up.
00:02:20.360 I feel like, especially because I have a child
00:02:23.220 and where I want to be in life, I don't want someone that's on the come up.
00:02:27.120 Maybe a few years ago, it was fine.
00:02:29.240 But where I am now, I want you to be at least a certain level
00:02:32.020 earning a certain amount of money consistently.
00:02:34.320 I don't want to have to raise you or support you consistently.
00:02:37.980 How much money is it?
00:02:39.420 How much money?
00:02:40.000 Do you know what?
00:02:41.200 It doesn't have to be a large amount of money
00:02:42.900 because I'm not, what's the word?
00:02:45.200 High maintenance or...
00:02:46.080 Let me Google, hold on.
00:02:47.360 Yeah.
00:02:48.600 Average salary UK.
00:02:52.980 Okay.
00:02:53.940 I feel like someone just be able to live, maintain,
00:02:57.040 be able to go out on events and do things.
00:02:59.140 It doesn't have to be crazy, but as long as you're...
00:03:01.100 London, £41,000.
00:03:03.140 If he earns that.
00:03:04.280 Yeah, that's the average.
00:03:05.000 It says the average yearly wage for full-time workers
00:03:07.240 in London in 2022, according to status.
00:03:11.040 Yeah, I think that would be fine for me.
00:03:12.500 I don't, you don't have to be a millionaire or a billionaire.
00:03:14.620 No way.
00:03:15.420 You just have to be able to support yourself
00:03:17.300 so that we can rise together.
00:03:19.440 I don't want someone that's down
00:03:20.540 and then I have to pull you up
00:03:21.780 because I've got a child.
00:03:22.560 I don't have time to be pulling up everyone.
00:03:24.040 Then there's rebuttal is,
00:03:25.420 what are you bringing to the table?
00:03:26.920 What am I bringing to the table?
00:03:28.300 I don't get what it's all...
00:03:29.680 Well, I'm bringing myself.
00:03:32.900 I'm bringing everything I can do.
00:03:35.220 Yeah, but yeah, I bring a lot to the table.
00:03:36.840 Why do you hate the question?
00:03:38.020 I hate that question.
00:03:39.120 You don't think if you're interviewing for a job,
00:03:41.400 you have to show them your resume and your money experience?
00:03:44.400 Yeah, of course.
00:03:45.280 But I feel like when men ask that question,
00:03:48.300 I feel like we should be asking you,
00:03:51.740 what are you bringing to the table?
00:03:54.580 Money.
00:03:54.860 Because I...
00:03:55.960 41 bags.
00:03:57.240 You know what's crazy?
00:03:58.260 Yeah, but you're forgetting,
00:04:00.120 a woman is going to, 1.00
00:04:02.780 first of all,
00:04:03.120 she's going to make your house a home. 1.00
00:04:06.120 She is going to raise your kids. 0.93
00:04:08.460 Do you think most modern women can make a house a home? 1.00
00:04:11.160 Do most modern women have recipes from scratch? 1.00
00:04:13.580 No.
00:04:14.080 No, not...
00:04:14.460 Modern women that have old school morals. 1.00
00:04:16.180 No.
00:04:16.940 They're TikTok.
00:04:17.820 Not necessarily.
00:04:20.340 Not necessarily,
00:04:21.640 but what I mean is,
00:04:22.780 she is going to make your house feel like a home. 0.92
00:04:25.460 She is going to be there for you.
00:04:26.800 How does she do that specifically? 1.00
00:04:28.980 Well, you would do duties around the house,
00:04:31.320 would you not?
00:04:31.400 A maid can do that. 1.00
00:04:32.320 But not every woman does that now. 1.00
00:04:34.300 It's a certain type of woman you're talking about. 1.00
00:04:35.780 So, like, what does she bring to the table
00:04:37.380 that a hooker, a cook, and a cleaner can't do? 1.00
00:04:40.420 But she's going to be providing you with support,
00:04:42.960 emotional support, like...
00:04:43.520 But I just think when men hear this,
00:04:45.380 it's like we're saying nothing.
00:04:47.540 Oh, okay.
00:04:48.040 It's like not specific as,
00:04:50.520 I can do this,
00:04:51.180 I have this skill,
00:04:51.900 this, this, and this.
00:04:53.300 My mama can do that. 1.00
00:04:54.580 Do you know what it is?
00:04:55.820 Obviously, my sexuality,
00:04:58.280 and my role is basically like the male role,
00:05:00.780 so that's why I'm just asking these little ones and twos
00:05:04.200 to throw you off,
00:05:05.220 but also to get a better understanding.
00:05:08.100 But I'm not really hearing,
00:05:10.120 it's not matching up to the 41 grand
00:05:12.500 that I'm bringing to the table.
00:05:12.520 I don't get why everything's always centered around finances.
00:05:15.700 I understand you need money to survive,
00:05:17.480 but I don't understand where women have the high expectations 1.00
00:05:20.500 of expecting a man to have so much money to get with him.
00:05:23.040 Like, how can...
00:05:24.160 I thought, like, if you love someone,
00:05:25.920 it's based on love,
00:05:26.900 like, not just based on what you can pick.
00:05:29.400 Like, it's like you can tick all these boxes.
00:05:31.300 But where's the love in that?
00:05:32.700 Do you want to get it?
00:05:33.500 One thing I realised from being in a relationship,
00:05:35.140 love is not enough.
00:05:36.000 Love is not enough.
00:05:36.380 So you can have love.
00:05:37.120 It's wonderful.
00:05:38.920 It's great to be in love,
00:05:40.200 but it's not enough.
00:05:40.860 Love is everything.
00:05:41.820 Peace and love is life.
00:05:43.960 Okay, we can say that.
00:05:45.160 A man wants peace.
00:05:46.320 When you think about it,
00:05:46.860 and he wants love.
00:05:47.480 You can be in love with someone,
00:05:48.520 love them dearly,
00:05:49.380 but when the bills come,
00:05:50.520 is that love going to pay the bills?
00:05:51.520 You need to lower your maintenance then?
00:05:53.400 Yeah, you can lower your maintenance.
00:05:54.440 If you've got high expectations,
00:05:55.300 you should be providing for yourself then?
00:05:57.520 You can't expect the man to do that?
00:05:58.880 No, but you've got to do it together.
00:06:00.320 For example, okay,
00:06:01.160 you live together.
00:06:02.440 There are certain things that a woman may pay, 1.00
00:06:04.420 and there are certain things that a man may pay.
00:06:06.080 Okay.
00:06:06.680 You both work.
00:06:08.180 Love is not going to pay those bills.
00:06:09.520 Love is not going to keep you warm at night
00:06:10.720 when you have to pay our electricity.
00:06:10.940 But you endure when you survive
00:06:12.260 the life of a household together.
00:06:13.880 You survive.
00:06:14.580 That's how it works.
00:06:15.140 And you become accustomed to the wealth
00:06:16.640 that you make in your household.
00:06:18.060 I get that,
00:06:18.560 but that's not the way
00:06:20.020 I would want to live my life.
00:06:21.120 I want to be able to enjoy.
00:06:23.280 I want to be in love
00:06:24.380 and be able to say,
00:06:25.180 okay.
00:06:25.760 So if your man makes more than you,
00:06:28.780 why is he expected to make more
00:06:30.860 and you make less
00:06:31.900 and you both live the same life?
00:06:32.820 He doesn't have to make more.
00:06:34.020 You just said he has to make more,
00:06:35.360 didn't you?
00:06:35.920 No, no, no.
00:06:36.340 I didn't say he has to make more.
00:06:37.260 I said if I made more,
00:06:38.760 I wouldn't be able to submit to him.
00:06:40.620 So that means he's going to make more.
00:06:41.680 So he has to make more?
00:06:42.820 We could make the same amount.
00:06:44.080 You'd be happy with the same amount?
00:06:45.400 Yeah, I would be happy with the same amount,
00:06:46.740 but I find,
00:06:47.400 I know if he makes less than me,
00:06:50.320 it would be harder for me to submit.
00:06:51.680 Why is that?
00:06:52.200 Because I just,
00:06:53.040 I just,
00:06:53.420 that's how I see it.
00:06:54.360 I can't even put a nail on it,
00:06:55.660 but I know if a man made less than me.
00:06:56.880 Do you think society has a role to play in that?
00:06:59.140 That finance has got taken its toll?
00:07:00.860 A hundred percent.
00:07:01.860 A hundred percent.
00:07:02.300 I'm probably by the way I've been raised.
00:07:02.860 On your love lives.
00:07:03.780 Yeah.
00:07:04.140 Pardon me?
00:07:04.700 It's taken,
00:07:05.420 do you think society has taken a toll
00:07:07.080 on how you love someone?
00:07:08.700 Because it's supposed to be love.
00:07:10.000 Yeah.
00:07:10.180 No,
00:07:10.960 I think it's just the way I see love.
00:07:12.980 I feel like love is not enough.
00:07:14.700 Maybe my past relationship.
00:07:15.380 So you think love is based on material then basically?
00:07:17.020 No,
00:07:17.400 what I think love is,
00:07:18.380 is you can love someone,
00:07:19.860 but maybe,
00:07:20.700 what can I say?
00:07:21.440 So say you was with a man and he was rich
00:07:23.720 and then he went broke,
00:07:24.680 would you stay with him?
00:07:25.580 A hundred percent.
00:07:26.520 What's the difference then if the roles are reversed?
00:07:28.760 The difference is because you've gone broke.
00:07:30.820 I didn't meet you broke.
00:07:31.560 So why can't you help somebody get rich
00:07:33.080 if you can help them stay broke?
00:07:34.540 Because it's a mentality thing.
00:07:36.360 If he could get rich in the first place,
00:07:38.320 then I know in my heart he can get rich again.
00:07:40.720 But how do you do that?
00:07:41.640 I believe a good person.
00:07:43.000 I believe in his mentality.
00:07:43.800 You know what it is?
00:07:44.420 Personally,
00:07:44.780 I get what you're trying to say.
00:07:45.720 A good person can see potential in somebody
00:07:47.760 if I'm nothing.
00:07:48.440 The problem is,
00:07:48.880 if I speak from my personal experiences,
00:07:51.060 I am always the one seeing potential in people
00:07:52.820 and always trying to stick by them.
00:07:53.680 Maybe there's something that you should look within yourself
00:07:55.540 that might need fixing and choosing a partner then.
00:07:57.700 Maybe it's not the man.
00:07:58.620 Do you know what it is?
00:07:59.320 Maybe it is.
00:08:00.400 But that's why I've made decisions to say
00:08:02.220 I'm not looking,
00:08:03.020 I'm not going to go with somebody that is.
00:08:04.840 I'm not going to look at anyone's potential anymore
00:08:06.320 because we can see potential for days.
00:08:07.900 It doesn't mean that they're going to reach that.
00:08:09.320 So what I've learned is
00:08:10.100 I now want to be with someone
00:08:11.300 or get to date someone
00:08:12.800 that is at a certain stage
00:08:14.080 that I can say,
00:08:15.340 okay, you're not at your pulling up stage.
00:08:16.960 I don't have to pull you up.
00:08:18.100 That's very unfair on men.
00:08:20.100 Well, maybe that is,
00:08:21.440 but that's my opinion.
00:08:22.300 That's where I am now.
00:08:23.120 I've given people chances,
00:08:24.920 pull them up.
00:08:25.760 So you want a high value man, basically?
00:08:27.880 I wouldn't say high value,
00:08:29.040 but someone that is at...
00:08:29.860 Yeah, high value.
00:08:30.680 Yeah, we could say high value.
00:08:31.820 That's the high value.
00:08:32.780 Well, you've got a child as well, don't you?
00:08:34.420 Just so you guys know.
00:08:35.200 A child as well.
00:08:36.560 If we're going to use that term,
00:08:37.580 it's 10k a month.
00:08:38.660 That's high value.
00:08:40.780 I wouldn't say high value.
00:08:42.080 I just want someone that is able to pay their bills,
00:08:44.940 feed themselves, look after themselves.
00:08:46.760 Okay, so what if a guy ticked all them boxes
00:08:48.440 and emotionally you don't feel nothing,
00:08:50.520 but besides that,
00:08:51.360 he's absolutely perfect.
00:08:52.800 Would you stay with him?
00:08:53.260 I don't like him.
00:08:54.260 There's no emotional connection.
00:08:55.320 There's no love there.
00:08:56.000 You said love isn't what it used to be.
00:08:57.980 No, I said love isn't enough.
00:08:59.500 So I can love someone,
00:09:00.620 but everything else has to be respectful.
00:09:02.740 You have to have family values.
00:09:03.900 Just say he ticked all them boxes,
00:09:05.420 but you love them a little bit.
00:09:08.720 Love is important.
00:09:10.420 He ticks all them boxes.
00:09:11.660 Say that question.
00:09:12.760 If a man ticked all the boxes
00:09:14.780 and you loved him a little bit,
00:09:16.740 is that good enough?
00:09:19.220 No.
00:09:20.240 Okay.
00:09:20.600 No, it's not.
00:09:21.420 I agree with you.
00:09:23.200 Sorry.
00:09:23.840 Do you think there's a minimum?
00:09:25.560 Like a guy has to have a job, right?
00:09:27.620 Okay, yeah.
00:09:28.420 Yeah, I mean, I think it's dishonest
00:09:30.120 when we say it's all about love
00:09:31.480 because I think at some point,
00:09:33.900 if a guy's unemployed for five years,
00:09:35.360 you're probably going to leave.
00:09:36.620 I think it's about the mentality of a person.
00:09:38.980 So like if somebody's broke,
00:09:40.220 say I met someone and he's broke,
00:09:42.460 but he's got the right mentality
00:09:43.520 to conquer the world,
00:09:45.620 then by all means,
00:09:46.340 I can support him and I can help him.
00:09:48.020 I'm happy to do that.
00:09:48.860 No, I agree with you.
00:09:50.520 It's about mentality,
00:09:51.520 but I just think when we're asking these questions,
00:09:53.240 it's like, what is the minimum?
00:09:55.580 I don't have a minimum.
00:09:56.480 If I like somebody and I believe in them,
00:09:59.220 then they've got my support.
00:10:00.820 But how long are you believing in them
00:10:02.880 until they like...
00:10:04.280 As long as I think it's difficult,
00:10:06.280 say I have money
00:10:07.720 and the man doesn't have any money.
00:10:09.180 If he can respect my values
00:10:10.600 and like believe that I'm putting him
00:10:12.080 in positions to help him,
00:10:13.380 then I'll support him.
00:10:14.860 If he's getting up every day
00:10:16.480 at six in the morning
00:10:17.660 and he's trying and trying,
00:10:19.040 you can't fault somebody like that.
00:10:20.980 Because we're all from different places.
00:10:22.160 But for how long?
00:10:23.740 And there's no job five years later.
00:10:25.720 But I think I've got
00:10:27.360 a whole different perspective of life
00:10:29.120 because of my lifestyle
00:10:30.400 and how I've been brought up.
00:10:32.520 What's different about your lifestyle?
00:10:34.360 Everything.
00:10:35.040 I think my life's upbringing,
00:10:36.500 experience is completely different
00:10:38.000 to a lot of people.
00:10:39.700 Okay, how so?
00:10:40.660 I don't really want to dig too deep on here
00:10:42.240 if I'm being honest,
00:10:43.000 but I just do believe
00:10:43.960 that my circumstances
00:10:45.000 are quite unique.
00:10:47.520 I just don't think money's everything.
00:10:49.780 So what would it take
00:10:50.580 for you not to believe in him anymore?
00:10:52.080 For you to say,
00:10:52.600 okay, cool,
00:10:53.100 my first perspective of this man was wrong
00:10:56.280 and he's actually like,
00:10:59.520 not a bum, sorry, but...
00:11:00.780 If he's behaving like a bum, 0.98
00:11:02.140 then obviously that's a huge red flag
00:11:04.400 that he doesn't really want to change his life.
00:11:06.200 He's quite happy being mediocre.
00:11:08.000 So yeah.
00:11:08.980 So that's when you'll leave,
00:11:10.140 when you realise his true mentality.
00:11:12.060 Yeah, but I haven't ever encountered
00:11:14.420 a situation like that
00:11:15.700 to say I'm going like a...
00:11:18.280 Okay.
00:11:19.300 What were you going to say?
00:11:20.580 You had something to say earlier.
00:11:21.880 Yeah, I just agree with you.
00:11:24.560 Sorry, I forgot your lovely name.
00:11:26.060 Janae.
00:11:26.580 I agree with you.
00:11:27.900 And I feel like what you were trying to say
00:11:29.720 was, yes, your love is,
00:11:33.000 you love someone,
00:11:33.920 but it's, as a woman,
00:11:35.100 it's conditional.
00:11:37.640 And I'm going to be honest,
00:11:39.200 as a woman,
00:11:39.860 like my love is conditional.
00:11:41.500 Yes, I can love you.
00:11:42.840 And yes,
00:11:43.800 I can have these amazing,
00:11:45.220 beautiful memories with you.
00:11:46.180 But if you are not bringing
00:11:49.200 those qualities that I want
00:11:51.440 and you are not going to contribute
00:11:54.640 to the life that I want for myself,
00:11:57.060 then that love is not enough for me.
00:11:59.680 It's not enough for me.
00:12:01.260 And if I'm honest with you,
00:12:02.760 I'm not really looking
00:12:04.100 to be with someone
00:12:05.440 and do the whole struggle love thing.
00:12:07.140 I'll be honest, I'm not.
00:12:09.120 I'll agree.
00:12:09.640 Yes, you have dreams,
00:12:11.220 but it's not my job
00:12:12.580 to sit here and motivate you
00:12:14.120 and be holding your hand
00:12:15.800 while you're doing it.
00:12:16.820 I'm not looking for a project.
00:12:18.440 I'm looking for someone
00:12:19.420 who is established
00:12:20.200 because I feel like
00:12:22.240 as a high value woman,
00:12:23.740 I am allowed to seek
00:12:25.140 a high value man,
00:12:26.160 especially because I know
00:12:27.380 what I bring to the table.
00:12:28.560 So I want someone to match that.