JustPearlyThings - August 02, 2023


They Used Trauma As An Excuse For Bad Behavior


Episode Stats


Length

14 minutes

Words per minute

223.86835

Word count

3,274

Sentence count

1

Harmful content

Misogyny

8

sentences flagged

Hate speech

3

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the importance of a good relationship between a single mom and a single dad and how it can affect a child's mental health. We discuss the benefits of single mom homes vs. single dad homes and how they impact on a child s mental health

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 certain health and whatever like you know I've gone through a lot of things that I've actually
00:00:06.060 thought to myself is it excuses or am I really going through something or you know like it plays
00:00:11.540 tricks on you as well because you feel offended or you feel like oh I'm having a bad day we're
00:00:16.080 having a bad run of days and you know sometimes it's just a storm over your head that's gonna
00:00:21.120 pass and you just gotta make sure that you know in your head that there's a light at the end of
00:00:26.260 that tunnel you know I'm saying so sure but sometimes it's not it's not as easy and just
00:00:30.440 because somebody has gone through something more than what you have doesn't just discredit what
00:00:35.100 you're going on I think it does discredit it doesn't it does not well then I was super traumatized with
00:00:43.540 my nanny you know I could say you know one time my dad went on a business trip and I didn't get to
00:00:50.740 see him boohoo I'm so traumatized don't discredit me that's not trauma though really no no it's
00:00:56.020 trauma I'm trauma but that but but she's right though in a way because that's her trauma you
00:01:00.260 can't really question it in a way that's okay my point is I can't let it affect you that would
00:01:05.700 depend on so many things whether your dad was never there how many times did this happen to you like
00:01:10.620 how strong was your attachment with your mom like there's so many dependencies to that and also
00:01:15.120 resilience is built by the age of seven so your first seven years are very important like
00:01:19.760 not taking away from anyone that's had serious trauma but they may be more resilient if their
00:01:25.100 first seven years which is why women shouldn't leave because they need the mom and the dad it's 1.00
00:01:30.960 like she's on my team now you know what it is I feel like I feel like what you're saying yeah in in
00:01:36.740 what I'm getting is the woman is the core I feel like the woman's the core to the family and that's 0.89
00:01:42.600 real the reason why I said it because when a woman goes like nine times out of ten I mean 0.98
00:01:49.740 I've I've witnessed it myself there's the family bond is gone it's this it's it's it's
00:01:55.080 it's uh you know disappeared or was it's um you know scattered you know the woman holds the the
00:02:00.520 woman is the home I feel the home the foundation the family the you know the you know do you know
00:02:07.400 what I'm saying like so everybody has different opinions but I wouldn't say that it's always the
00:02:11.920 woman's fault I think that's I wouldn't say that that's that's equal say it again I personally think that's 1.00
00:02:17.980 equal what as in the man also is yeah of course but in a way who's take that who takes care of the
00:02:25.260 kids more you know like in a way it's a different way there's a different way of how that your mom 0.90
00:02:30.280 for example takes care of you differently how your dad does yeah and you see your mom and you you know
00:02:35.260 you love both your parents but you love your mom and your dad differently in a way not in a way you
00:02:39.220 love your mom more than your dad or whatever but there's a different comfort but that's good
00:02:43.220 of course but at the same time there's research to show like the primary if the if there's a break
00:02:49.920 in the attachment with the primary caregiver which can be a mom or a dad but usually is a mom
00:02:54.460 um that can affect life um chances for the rest of your life so you're more likely to go to prison
00:03:01.440 you're less likely to do well at school isn't that the dad no it's it's either so a also it could be
00:03:06.880 both a primary attachment figure and also that doesn't have to just be you don't see them for a couple
00:03:11.400 of months that can be their unpredictable that can be their suffering from mental health issues
00:03:14.660 that isn't a break in an attachment i will say single father homes have better outcomes than
00:03:19.940 single mother homes yeah statistically yeah so hold on say that again single father homes have better
00:03:25.700 outcomes than single mother homes but then that's when i disagree because no it's not it's not like
00:03:29.840 a disagreement like the single mother home kids like go to jail more they feel out of school i thought
00:03:34.200 i thought that was this i thought that oh okay okay single mothers i thought you meant okay okay
00:03:39.360 kids are with a single mom okay more fill out of school yeah with a single dad they feel out of
00:03:45.160 school less i mean it's still not great you know we we would like them together yeah of course yeah
00:03:51.400 i'm gonna read super chats for a second and then blessing we're gonna react to one more thing
00:03:56.120 you know just uh talk about this crap so glad we all get one more thing about being weak that's
00:04:02.660 very unfair because people are suffering mental health issues they have to fight battles every
00:04:06.720 single day people don't understand they're stronger in a lot of ways yeah checking on your friends
00:04:10.920 yeah um i think there's real mental health and there's fake mental health i'd probably agree with
00:04:18.640 that we can't be the ones judging that though you just gotta look at it as i will you know yeah
00:04:24.860 i couldn't i couldn't judge it because you don't really know you know i'm saying you can't
00:04:30.260 i think i think that you know you kind of do know which friends are kind of just being dramatic
00:04:35.540 and which friends are actually this is why but then but then this is why a lot of people that do
00:04:39.780 suffer of it turn to the people like you or us or whoever that think oh you're just faking it all
00:04:46.440 this is an excuse this is why encourage it doesn't help them in a way where they're going through
00:04:52.100 something they want to go to the closest people that they have but you're like oh it's not that deep
00:04:57.120 though is it like you can't think like that yeah you gotta think you know more time i get help from
00:05:01.520 people that i don't know i get help from strangers i don't know because people that don't know me from
00:05:06.760 the past they'll look at my situation right now and be like you know what let me help you get through
00:05:11.460 that whereas the people that i know will look at oh well i know how you like how you like and what
00:05:15.740 you've been like i don't really believe that because the traits or the characteristics that i've
00:05:20.360 led them to think that oh i'm faking it whereas we should look at the moment yeah why do you think
00:05:26.100 that that not be like oh you know get over it you know i'm saying i don't get why would they think
00:05:31.880 you're faking it because they're looking at you because exactly because they look they're looking
00:05:36.580 at how you are so they may point out little things that they think oh you may be too gullible or maybe
00:05:42.200 you're too sensitive or you're being dramatic or whatever what did you go through to but that
00:05:46.920 doesn't matter though that shouldn't matter right now i feel like this right now i'm happy right now
00:05:52.200 i'm upset do you think why should that why should you you shouldn't let your emotions control you
00:05:56.200 though no but at the same time at the same time we're human and and that's that's part of of being
00:06:02.120 a being you know i'm saying some people have seen role models their parents that can manage emotions
00:06:06.960 some people haven't been beaten up but i will be little should it okay okay let me let me just so
00:06:12.180 they can manage their emotions much shouldn't the goal they're not a fair playing okay okay we could
00:06:16.140 say but all right but wherever we're starting we could start here we start here shouldn't the goal
00:06:20.160 be to manage your emotions 100 but that's why people should go to therapy and they should admit it but
00:06:25.160 i'm saying like like if everyone in your life is telling you you're dramatic you don't think maybe
00:06:29.540 you're dramatic not really because like i said if you're reaching out to somebody anything could be
00:06:34.700 someone you know doesn't have to be a therapist yeah so but like i'm saying if you're reaching out
00:06:38.240 to somebody you're having the like probably one percent confidence to think oh let me tell somebody
00:06:43.820 how i feel you might be embarrassed you might feel you know that that much trauma that you don't want
00:06:48.680 to you don't want to open up like a lot of men don't speak about certain things do you know i'm
00:06:53.200 saying why is there more men that kill themselves yeah than women do because a lot of men keep it in
00:06:58.140 their head and i've been that man i've been that man i've been that man so for me it's like okay
00:07:05.160 i'm going to tell you how i feel but you're going to be like oh be a man yeah be a man about it
00:07:09.440 you know what i'm saying like you're brushing it you're brushing it because you're in a better place
00:07:14.180 than i am so i should be in at your level but you're not at my level so respect that man this
00:07:18.520 respect my perception or how i view things because i view life and i walk life completely different to
00:07:24.420 how you do exactly so you get it so i can't i can't judge somebody and be like oh you know
00:07:29.880 your problems ain't greater than mine everybody's problems are greater than you know nobody's problem
00:07:35.280 is greater than anybody else's you know i'm saying my whole point is we should be looking to like
00:07:39.600 solve the problem exactly but we're brushing it off like it's not a problem to be solved
00:07:44.080 therapy and medication and mindfulness and all these things that we guided towards there is
00:07:48.940 no there is evidence there is statistics that do show that it works especially if you combine them
00:07:53.780 i meant like when i last looked at statistics which was a while ago for example therapy was a
00:07:59.180 that gave you a 30 percent of chance of getting better medication gave you a 30 chance of getting
00:08:03.420 better together they gave you a 60 chance so there is evidence otherwise they wouldn't yeah a lot of
00:08:09.140 these studies does meds really get you better no here's the problem a lot of these studies are
00:08:13.640 funded by these like feminists yeah it's like these women in the gender studies program
00:08:19.120 yeah and i just about what men feeling more than women like yeah they're not no no i think the
00:08:27.340 meds that's the only thing i disagree with can i be wrong i think i think it's kind of equal i think
00:08:31.580 women do suffer with a lot of trauma mental health as well you gotta look at it as well because you 1.00
00:08:36.560 know like you said look a single mother with a lot of kids that's that's been cheated on or left by 1.00
00:08:41.520 the husband or whatever what is our definition women's oh yeah but women's trauma comes from 0.80
00:08:45.820 choices yeah but so does men though everybody goes through life by choices we all live with free
00:08:51.160 will because we're not we didn't choose the family situation that we're born into so it's definitely
00:08:56.100 not by choice this is like the victim olympics it's like it's like victim victim like i just feel
00:09:00.600 like it's a mentality do you know not everyone's born with a silver spoon yeah do you know i'm saying
00:09:04.820 let's be real now some people are born without all of these opportunities that some people do
00:09:09.660 you know i'm saying i know people born with zero opportunities that made something out of them
00:09:14.280 that didn't look at themselves as a victim that doesn't mean they didn't have mental health that
00:09:18.240 might be the insecurity and trauma that drove them to prove themselves they might not actually be happy
00:09:22.620 a lot if you keep it all in it actually leads to there's evidence that there's more physical health
00:09:26.680 issues as well and also wait what i was going to say about oh yeah i know a lot of people especially
00:09:32.420 older people even relatives the ones that are in denial and can't admit it because of the shame
00:09:36.420 they just spiral down a lot of the time they end up in suicide or just very severe mental health
00:09:43.360 issues you want to do it sorry i was going to say at the end of the day i think um we do know that
00:09:49.560 at the end of this conversation is that each and every person can improve 100 now how to improve is what
00:09:56.880 they need to be aware of and as long as you bring that awareness to them then they have a choice to get
00:10:03.960 better yeah for sure and also just because you have a problem doesn't necessarily mean you're
00:10:09.360 making yourself a victim you're not labeling yourself as a victim it's other people that are
00:10:13.160 saying that you are saying i think i think that you are if you're constantly talking about your
00:10:17.880 problem but then if you're leading with it and if every time someone like if you're always bringing
00:10:22.700 up your problem again and again this is why i wanted to bring up the topic of social media
00:10:26.360 because that's where people put their problems but not necessarily because if you're constantly
00:10:31.560 bringing your problems maybe listen maybe sit down and be like okay what is the root of your problem
00:10:36.920 maybe he's crying out for help and then guess what that same person may have killed himself you'd be
00:10:41.660 like do you know i wish i i wish i listened oh i wish i was there for that person you know people
00:10:46.840 want to give you the flowers when you're dead and buried but they don't want to give you flowers when
00:10:49.940 you're alive and i just feel like people are really like you know delusional in a sense where they
00:10:54.760 don't listen to the people that are suffering about this from like an individualistic point of view
00:10:59.420 so it's like if you have a problem and it's like if you're constantly talking about your problem and
00:11:05.020 talking about your problem it's not going to make it better it's a solution and i'm not i'm not saying
00:11:09.140 you can't talk to anyone about your problem ever but this idea like you want to go to everyone talk
00:11:13.360 about your problem forever talk about your problem to a therapist is it going to fix it no they need
00:11:17.140 to take active steps which is therapy which is meditation which is sometimes medication whether
00:11:21.760 you agree with it or not there's lots of different things you can obviously they should improve
00:11:25.140 i don't i don't really think it's great if someone just sits in it and doesn't do any of the
00:11:30.380 steps but the problem is if they listen to some things that you say pal they won't even start that
00:11:35.320 process and that's the issue with with um i i say i say you should get over stuff yeah you know what
00:11:42.780 it is no you know it is i think that mentality is is it's good for me it's selfish because i feel like
00:11:49.840 people just live for themselves people think for themselves oh i disagree i think you know i think
00:11:55.060 it's like that it's not selfish because you get over it for everyone around you nobody wants to
00:11:59.340 hear you talk about your problems all the time yeah but if you get over it and then you're a happy
00:12:04.720 person and then you're done talking about your problems all the time you do know that like so
00:12:10.180 neural pathways how our brain works so you're saying that problems create problems so the patterns of how we
00:12:15.100 think guys and how we manage our emotions they are actually built neural pathways when we are
00:12:19.280 younger it's not that easy to snap out of it you can improve it you can encourage alternative
00:12:23.800 thoughts but it takes a while you're building new habits and you can see that in the brain
00:12:27.580 your neural pathways have to change that's a fact i like that yeah so it is more difficult for other
00:12:33.140 people i understand it's more difficult for some people but i think that the point is still the same
00:12:37.980 why would you want to talk about your problems all the time i i i don't think i don't think that's
00:12:42.000 what i'm saying it's not what we're saying therapy doesn't have to be from a therapist therapy could be
00:12:46.720 anything exactly i don't think you could come to me that problem and i could just simply give you a
00:12:51.400 book and that's your therapy i mean i understand if you're saying someone's always talking about
00:12:55.480 their problems all the time you may look at as an excuse but at the same time maybe find out the
00:12:59.840 root of why they're always talking about their problems because instead of dismissing it and
00:13:03.180 thinking it's an excuse question maybe you know help that person and if that help that you've
00:13:07.860 extended doesn't reach them then you can say well get over it in a way respectfully but i don't know
00:13:13.800 talking about this from an individualistic point of view like you have the problem i'm like i'm just
00:13:19.060 trying to get over it and yeah but that's their problem so if they're reaching a hand you know like
00:13:25.280 you know they if they're reaching a hand they have that confidence to to to to feel trust or or some
00:13:31.640 sort of you know comfort in in disclosing a private you know trauma that they're going through
00:13:39.060 in hopes that maybe you can help them i don't know nice i'll listen and i'll be like all right how can
00:13:44.220 we solve this problem 100 yeah i mean that's the right step but my question my question is still like
00:13:50.980 if you're going around talking to people about your problems and everyone's saying something to you like
00:13:55.160 i don't know why you wouldn't think it says something about you but if it's something if it's
00:14:00.380 like five different people telling you the same thing it might mean something that's all i'm saying
00:14:04.440 why is that but if they are um demonstrating traits on my mom and i say hey mom this is my problem
00:14:10.560 then i go to my sister and she says the same thing and then i go to my brother and he says the same
00:14:14.580 thing and i go my other i got a lot of siblings and they all tell me the same thing like wouldn't
00:14:18.000 that mean something maybe all of you guys that have heard the problem should all come together
00:14:22.940 maybe maybe resolve a solution maybe you have unhealthy ways of coping or unhelpful personality traits
00:14:28.580 because of your trauma and that's why it has to be addressed i'm so tired of the word trauma
00:14:33.160 i feel like trauma's war every day's a war