They Used Trauma As An Excuse For Bad Behavior
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Summary
In this episode, we discuss the importance of a good relationship between a single mom and a single dad and how it can affect a child's mental health. We discuss the benefits of single mom homes vs. single dad homes and how they impact on a child s mental health
Transcript
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certain health and whatever like you know I've gone through a lot of things that I've actually
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thought to myself is it excuses or am I really going through something or you know like it plays
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tricks on you as well because you feel offended or you feel like oh I'm having a bad day we're
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having a bad run of days and you know sometimes it's just a storm over your head that's gonna
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pass and you just gotta make sure that you know in your head that there's a light at the end of
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that tunnel you know I'm saying so sure but sometimes it's not it's not as easy and just
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because somebody has gone through something more than what you have doesn't just discredit what
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you're going on I think it does discredit it doesn't it does not well then I was super traumatized with
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my nanny you know I could say you know one time my dad went on a business trip and I didn't get to
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see him boohoo I'm so traumatized don't discredit me that's not trauma though really no no it's
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trauma I'm trauma but that but but she's right though in a way because that's her trauma you
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can't really question it in a way that's okay my point is I can't let it affect you that would
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depend on so many things whether your dad was never there how many times did this happen to you like
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how strong was your attachment with your mom like there's so many dependencies to that and also
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resilience is built by the age of seven so your first seven years are very important like
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not taking away from anyone that's had serious trauma but they may be more resilient if their
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first seven years which is why women shouldn't leave because they need the mom and the dad it's
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like she's on my team now you know what it is I feel like I feel like what you're saying yeah in in
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what I'm getting is the woman is the core I feel like the woman's the core to the family and that's
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real the reason why I said it because when a woman goes like nine times out of ten I mean
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I've I've witnessed it myself there's the family bond is gone it's this it's it's it's
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it's uh you know disappeared or was it's um you know scattered you know the woman holds the the
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woman is the home I feel the home the foundation the family the you know the you know do you know
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what I'm saying like so everybody has different opinions but I wouldn't say that it's always the
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woman's fault I think that's I wouldn't say that that's that's equal say it again I personally think that's
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equal what as in the man also is yeah of course but in a way who's take that who takes care of the
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kids more you know like in a way it's a different way there's a different way of how that your mom
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for example takes care of you differently how your dad does yeah and you see your mom and you you know
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you love both your parents but you love your mom and your dad differently in a way not in a way you
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love your mom more than your dad or whatever but there's a different comfort but that's good
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of course but at the same time there's research to show like the primary if the if there's a break
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in the attachment with the primary caregiver which can be a mom or a dad but usually is a mom
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um that can affect life um chances for the rest of your life so you're more likely to go to prison
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you're less likely to do well at school isn't that the dad no it's it's either so a also it could be
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both a primary attachment figure and also that doesn't have to just be you don't see them for a couple
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of months that can be their unpredictable that can be their suffering from mental health issues
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that isn't a break in an attachment i will say single father homes have better outcomes than
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single mother homes yeah statistically yeah so hold on say that again single father homes have better
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outcomes than single mother homes but then that's when i disagree because no it's not it's not like
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a disagreement like the single mother home kids like go to jail more they feel out of school i thought
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i thought that was this i thought that oh okay okay single mothers i thought you meant okay okay
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kids are with a single mom okay more fill out of school yeah with a single dad they feel out of
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school less i mean it's still not great you know we we would like them together yeah of course yeah
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i'm gonna read super chats for a second and then blessing we're gonna react to one more thing
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you know just uh talk about this crap so glad we all get one more thing about being weak that's
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very unfair because people are suffering mental health issues they have to fight battles every
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single day people don't understand they're stronger in a lot of ways yeah checking on your friends
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yeah um i think there's real mental health and there's fake mental health i'd probably agree with
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that we can't be the ones judging that though you just gotta look at it as i will you know yeah
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i couldn't i couldn't judge it because you don't really know you know i'm saying you can't
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i think i think that you know you kind of do know which friends are kind of just being dramatic
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and which friends are actually this is why but then but then this is why a lot of people that do
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suffer of it turn to the people like you or us or whoever that think oh you're just faking it all
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this is an excuse this is why encourage it doesn't help them in a way where they're going through
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something they want to go to the closest people that they have but you're like oh it's not that deep
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though is it like you can't think like that yeah you gotta think you know more time i get help from
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people that i don't know i get help from strangers i don't know because people that don't know me from
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the past they'll look at my situation right now and be like you know what let me help you get through
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that whereas the people that i know will look at oh well i know how you like how you like and what
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you've been like i don't really believe that because the traits or the characteristics that i've
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led them to think that oh i'm faking it whereas we should look at the moment yeah why do you think
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that that not be like oh you know get over it you know i'm saying i don't get why would they think
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you're faking it because they're looking at you because exactly because they look they're looking
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at how you are so they may point out little things that they think oh you may be too gullible or maybe
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you're too sensitive or you're being dramatic or whatever what did you go through to but that
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doesn't matter though that shouldn't matter right now i feel like this right now i'm happy right now
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i'm upset do you think why should that why should you you shouldn't let your emotions control you
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though no but at the same time at the same time we're human and and that's that's part of of being
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a being you know i'm saying some people have seen role models their parents that can manage emotions
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some people haven't been beaten up but i will be little should it okay okay let me let me just so
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they can manage their emotions much shouldn't the goal they're not a fair playing okay okay we could
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say but all right but wherever we're starting we could start here we start here shouldn't the goal
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be to manage your emotions 100 but that's why people should go to therapy and they should admit it but
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i'm saying like like if everyone in your life is telling you you're dramatic you don't think maybe
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you're dramatic not really because like i said if you're reaching out to somebody anything could be
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someone you know doesn't have to be a therapist yeah so but like i'm saying if you're reaching out
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to somebody you're having the like probably one percent confidence to think oh let me tell somebody
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how i feel you might be embarrassed you might feel you know that that much trauma that you don't want
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to you don't want to open up like a lot of men don't speak about certain things do you know i'm
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saying why is there more men that kill themselves yeah than women do because a lot of men keep it in
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their head and i've been that man i've been that man i've been that man so for me it's like okay
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i'm going to tell you how i feel but you're going to be like oh be a man yeah be a man about it
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you know what i'm saying like you're brushing it you're brushing it because you're in a better place
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than i am so i should be in at your level but you're not at my level so respect that man this
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respect my perception or how i view things because i view life and i walk life completely different to
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how you do exactly so you get it so i can't i can't judge somebody and be like oh you know
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your problems ain't greater than mine everybody's problems are greater than you know nobody's problem
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is greater than anybody else's you know i'm saying my whole point is we should be looking to like
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solve the problem exactly but we're brushing it off like it's not a problem to be solved
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therapy and medication and mindfulness and all these things that we guided towards there is
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no there is evidence there is statistics that do show that it works especially if you combine them
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i meant like when i last looked at statistics which was a while ago for example therapy was a
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that gave you a 30 percent of chance of getting better medication gave you a 30 chance of getting
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better together they gave you a 60 chance so there is evidence otherwise they wouldn't yeah a lot of
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these studies does meds really get you better no here's the problem a lot of these studies are
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funded by these like feminists yeah it's like these women in the gender studies program
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yeah and i just about what men feeling more than women like yeah they're not no no i think the
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meds that's the only thing i disagree with can i be wrong i think i think it's kind of equal i think
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women do suffer with a lot of trauma mental health as well you gotta look at it as well because you
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know like you said look a single mother with a lot of kids that's that's been cheated on or left by
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the husband or whatever what is our definition women's oh yeah but women's trauma comes from
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choices yeah but so does men though everybody goes through life by choices we all live with free
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will because we're not we didn't choose the family situation that we're born into so it's definitely
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not by choice this is like the victim olympics it's like it's like victim victim like i just feel
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like it's a mentality do you know not everyone's born with a silver spoon yeah do you know i'm saying
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let's be real now some people are born without all of these opportunities that some people do
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you know i'm saying i know people born with zero opportunities that made something out of them
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that didn't look at themselves as a victim that doesn't mean they didn't have mental health that
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might be the insecurity and trauma that drove them to prove themselves they might not actually be happy
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a lot if you keep it all in it actually leads to there's evidence that there's more physical health
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issues as well and also wait what i was going to say about oh yeah i know a lot of people especially
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older people even relatives the ones that are in denial and can't admit it because of the shame
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they just spiral down a lot of the time they end up in suicide or just very severe mental health
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issues you want to do it sorry i was going to say at the end of the day i think um we do know that
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at the end of this conversation is that each and every person can improve 100 now how to improve is what
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they need to be aware of and as long as you bring that awareness to them then they have a choice to get
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better yeah for sure and also just because you have a problem doesn't necessarily mean you're
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making yourself a victim you're not labeling yourself as a victim it's other people that are
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saying that you are saying i think i think that you are if you're constantly talking about your
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problem but then if you're leading with it and if every time someone like if you're always bringing
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up your problem again and again this is why i wanted to bring up the topic of social media
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because that's where people put their problems but not necessarily because if you're constantly
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bringing your problems maybe listen maybe sit down and be like okay what is the root of your problem
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maybe he's crying out for help and then guess what that same person may have killed himself you'd be
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like do you know i wish i i wish i listened oh i wish i was there for that person you know people
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want to give you the flowers when you're dead and buried but they don't want to give you flowers when
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you're alive and i just feel like people are really like you know delusional in a sense where they
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don't listen to the people that are suffering about this from like an individualistic point of view
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so it's like if you have a problem and it's like if you're constantly talking about your problem and
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talking about your problem it's not going to make it better it's a solution and i'm not i'm not saying
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you can't talk to anyone about your problem ever but this idea like you want to go to everyone talk
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about your problem forever talk about your problem to a therapist is it going to fix it no they need
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to take active steps which is therapy which is meditation which is sometimes medication whether
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you agree with it or not there's lots of different things you can obviously they should improve
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i don't i don't really think it's great if someone just sits in it and doesn't do any of the
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steps but the problem is if they listen to some things that you say pal they won't even start that
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process and that's the issue with with um i i say i say you should get over stuff yeah you know what
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it is no you know it is i think that mentality is is it's good for me it's selfish because i feel like
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people just live for themselves people think for themselves oh i disagree i think you know i think
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it's like that it's not selfish because you get over it for everyone around you nobody wants to
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hear you talk about your problems all the time yeah but if you get over it and then you're a happy
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person and then you're done talking about your problems all the time you do know that like so
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neural pathways how our brain works so you're saying that problems create problems so the patterns of how we
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think guys and how we manage our emotions they are actually built neural pathways when we are
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younger it's not that easy to snap out of it you can improve it you can encourage alternative
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thoughts but it takes a while you're building new habits and you can see that in the brain
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your neural pathways have to change that's a fact i like that yeah so it is more difficult for other
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people i understand it's more difficult for some people but i think that the point is still the same
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why would you want to talk about your problems all the time i i i don't think i don't think that's
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what i'm saying it's not what we're saying therapy doesn't have to be from a therapist therapy could be
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anything exactly i don't think you could come to me that problem and i could just simply give you a
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book and that's your therapy i mean i understand if you're saying someone's always talking about
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their problems all the time you may look at as an excuse but at the same time maybe find out the
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root of why they're always talking about their problems because instead of dismissing it and
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thinking it's an excuse question maybe you know help that person and if that help that you've
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extended doesn't reach them then you can say well get over it in a way respectfully but i don't know
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talking about this from an individualistic point of view like you have the problem i'm like i'm just
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trying to get over it and yeah but that's their problem so if they're reaching a hand you know like
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you know they if they're reaching a hand they have that confidence to to to to feel trust or or some
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sort of you know comfort in in disclosing a private you know trauma that they're going through
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in hopes that maybe you can help them i don't know nice i'll listen and i'll be like all right how can
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we solve this problem 100 yeah i mean that's the right step but my question my question is still like
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if you're going around talking to people about your problems and everyone's saying something to you like
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i don't know why you wouldn't think it says something about you but if it's something if it's
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like five different people telling you the same thing it might mean something that's all i'm saying
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why is that but if they are um demonstrating traits on my mom and i say hey mom this is my problem
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then i go to my sister and she says the same thing and then i go to my brother and he says the same
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thing and i go my other i got a lot of siblings and they all tell me the same thing like wouldn't
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that mean something maybe all of you guys that have heard the problem should all come together
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maybe maybe resolve a solution maybe you have unhealthy ways of coping or unhelpful personality traits
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because of your trauma and that's why it has to be addressed i'm so tired of the word trauma