JustPearlyThings - August 15, 2023


This Divorced Mom Wants Her Husband Back

Topics
single mother homes family dynamics
Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
Only Fans Model Makes This Confession Live On Air Why Feminists And Soy Boys Use Shaming Tactics

Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

234.64

Word count

2,506

Sentence count

233

Harmful content

Misogyny

9

sentences flagged

Toxicity

2

sentences flagged

Hate speech

3

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I sit down with my ex-wife, Penelope, to talk about how she found out that her husband was cheating on her and how she managed to stay with him through it all. We talk about what it was like being a single parent to a child with a father who was a serial cheater, how she handled the situation, and why she stayed with him.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Do you ever wish you stayed?
00:00:01.640 Absolutely.
00:00:02.400 Really?
00:00:03.060 Yeah.
00:00:03.540 Well, I wish we could have worked it out.
00:00:05.780 Absolutely.
00:00:06.540 So what, what made you guys get divorced?
00:00:08.300 If you don't mind me asking.
00:00:10.080 Well, I, I, I came to him and I gave him the very clear parameters.
00:00:14.380 I was like, listen, I figured this is happening.
00:00:16.480 This is not deniable.
00:00:17.280 We can't deny this is happening.
00:00:18.480 So let's just save our marriage and save our life.
00:00:21.280 We have a great life.
00:00:22.720 And so I said, you know, I need these three things to happen.
00:00:25.220 And not only did they not happen, but it got much, much worse.
00:00:28.000 And then it got dangerous and they got violent and then it got scary.
00:00:31.240 And then I, you know, then I just felt like I didn't have a choice because things got so
00:00:35.640 violent, dangerous, and scary.
00:00:37.380 So it weren't directly because of cheating.
00:00:40.080 Well, no, initially I started off that way.
00:00:43.480 Cause there's just so much lies and deceit and can I trust this person?
00:00:46.380 And then, but I really, really wanted to, to make it work.
00:00:49.880 I was like, why don't we, we'll just have an open marriage, which I knew would probably
00:00:52.600 kill me inside.
00:00:53.360 But I was like, yeah, I even offered it. 0.95
00:00:54.700 You know, I was like, that's really, really, really wanted it.
00:00:57.520 I even gave him a contract for a second child.
00:00:59.380 I said, you don't have to pay for the child.
00:01:01.300 Like I just, I really wanted the marriage to stay together, but I just got scared.
00:01:05.620 So if it was just strictly cheating, do you think it would have worked out?
00:01:09.040 Then it would have been all right?
00:01:10.200 No.
00:01:11.640 Well, I needed certain things to change.
00:01:13.640 I needed some securities that weren't, that weren't, that weren't there.
00:01:17.340 Cause I think, what do you mean securities?
00:01:19.180 Do you mind saying or no?
00:01:20.180 Well, when I found out that he was cheating, I also looked into like our life a little bit
00:01:24.620 more deeply and I realized that absolutely nothing was in my name.
00:01:28.360 Okay.
00:01:29.020 I had nothing.
00:01:29.920 And I was like, oh my gosh, I'm in a really vulnerable position here.
00:01:33.360 Cause I never even thought about it.
00:01:35.120 And so then I was like, listen, I need to have some stake in our lives and it was a protective
00:01:42.260 mechanism clearly.
00:01:43.520 Um, and he was like, no, no way.
00:01:46.700 Can I ask a question?
00:01:47.960 So did you, did you put yourself in that situation where you wanted to make it work for Penelope?
00:01:54.800 For sure only all because you loved him.
00:01:57.140 So did also, I still love him today and he's watching right now.
00:02:00.300 I mean, I was hoping he would come to London yesterday and have lunch with us.
00:02:03.140 I mean, is he still, is he still single?
00:02:06.740 Yeah.
00:02:07.240 He's in a situation.
00:02:08.340 He's in a situation.
00:02:09.620 Okay.
00:02:09.880 So would you ever get back with him?
00:02:13.480 If, I mean, I would consider Penelope thinks I'm crazy, but I talk about it all the time.
00:02:17.260 My dad would never get back with her.
00:02:18.800 So it's like, I don't, I don't know.
00:02:21.360 Can I ask him right now on camera?
00:02:24.320 No, no, don't do that.
00:02:25.320 Can I ask a question?
00:02:26.320 But why wouldn't you, I know you said you would, you would, you're doing it for Penelope
00:02:30.420 and I understand that.
00:02:31.420 Absolutely.
00:02:32.420 You can do anything to keep, um, I think people would do anything, um, for their children,
00:02:37.100 but don't you think that you should love yourself more instead of, uh, after what he's done
00:02:42.380 and that feel like you can do, you deserve better and you don't deserve to be treated like
00:02:45.380 that?
00:02:46.380 I glorified what being a single parent was going to look like. 0.71
00:02:49.920 And it was crazy cause I had a single mom, so I should have known better.
00:02:53.820 But honestly, I think it's modern day child abuse.
00:02:56.820 It is.
00:02:57.820 And I watched her and I watched her in my, I watched her growing up struggle so much as
00:03:02.620 one person to do all the work at home, like just one person, no support.
00:03:06.820 I mean, it was so hard for you.
00:03:07.820 Like you were, I remember the nights you were like crying and it also struck a strong heart.
00:03:13.820 And for me, that was like, I never want to have that.
00:03:16.820 And I will do any, anything and everything in my power to never create that for my future
00:03:20.820 family.
00:03:21.820 Because that is so, it was so painful.
00:03:22.820 I don't wish that pain on anyone.
00:03:24.820 So if your man cheats, you're staying then?
00:03:26.820 Yeah.
00:03:27.820 Because if I have a family, I made a, I make a vow.
00:03:30.820 I make a vow.
00:03:31.820 I make a vow.
00:03:32.820 I make a vow to, to God, to higher power that I will stick with this person for the rest
00:03:36.820 of my life.
00:03:37.820 Of course.
00:03:38.820 I thought that I did that with your father too, but you know, it happened, but I can never
00:03:41.820 make up for that.
00:03:42.820 For you not having a dad growing up.
00:03:43.820 And there was a spiritual, like there was a spiritual disconnection there.
00:03:47.820 Well, our values were different.
00:03:49.820 I thought we were in a monogamous relationship, but I, you know, found out otherwise.
00:03:53.820 And maybe it was a phase.
00:03:54.820 I don't know.
00:03:55.820 Maybe you can't change people.
00:03:56.820 I don't know.
00:03:57.820 But you know, it's sad.
00:03:58.820 I mean, guys, he, he still admits to this day.
00:04:00.820 He, he regrets what he did.
00:04:01.820 He wished he didn't do what he did and he, and he, and he wishes he could have changed
00:04:04.820 certain things.
00:04:05.820 So he's not like, doesn't have any remorse.
00:04:07.820 Cause I just feel like majority, not all, majority of men do at some point in their life
00:04:13.820 will cheat in a relationship.
00:04:15.820 They will.
00:04:16.820 They will.
00:04:17.820 And if every woman leaves a man for cheating. 1.00
00:04:19.820 Then you have all these, you know, motherless and fatherless families.
00:04:22.820 But I think, I think that's the thing.
00:04:24.820 We're never like, we're never, as women, we're never told like how men are naturally. 0.93
00:04:28.820 And like, men just want to screw everything.
00:04:30.820 So it's like, we've kind of been told that if we get cheated on, it's the worst thing
00:04:34.820 ever.
00:04:35.820 And it can't be worked through.
00:04:36.820 Is that because the man isn't in the house?
00:04:38.820 There's a lot of fatherless women. 1.00
00:04:40.820 I think that most of, I think that most of society's problem really like come back to
00:04:45.820 single mother homes, to be honest.
00:04:46.820 Like if you look at the prison population, it's like 80% single mother homes.
00:04:50.820 If you look at youth suicides, you're way more likely to be abused as a child.
00:04:55.820 You're way more like every big, I spoke to a homeless shelter director down the street.
00:05:01.820 And I said, why, why like, are these people homeless?
00:05:04.820 Like, cause he has like the worst type of homeless, which is like the street sleepers. 0.98
00:05:07.820 Cause there's different like levels of people living in cars.
00:05:09.820 There's whatever.
00:05:10.820 And he told me that, um, he, that most of these, um, people came from single mother homes,
00:05:18.820 especially with like multiple baby daddies or like whatever.
00:05:21.820 And they, the kids that got ended up getting taken and like put in the system and they've
00:05:25.820 never, they don't know any sense of stability or function.
00:05:28.820 Um, and so if you look at all the like major issues in society, a lot are linked to single
00:05:33.820 mother homes and single father homes don't have the same outcomes.
00:05:36.820 It's not as bad.
00:05:37.820 If you're seeing a lot of, if you grow up in a single household and you see a breakup,
00:05:41.820 then in your head, it might seem like wrong.
00:05:44.820 Like what you were saying with your mom, you can, you can do this because your mom will
00:05:48.820 grow up in a single home.
00:05:49.820 So you might see it as this is something, it's not easy, but it's something I can do.
00:05:53.820 And then when, only when you go through it, you realize that, right, this is mad.
00:05:57.820 But if we have a lot more family units in the house and working at things, then the children
00:06:03.820 get to see like, okay, my mom and dad went through this, but they managed to go through
00:06:08.820 this route to, to help.
00:06:09.820 And because I've, I've been through my inner relationship where I've gone therapy and I've
00:06:13.820 gone places to, to fix things.
00:06:15.820 You get what I'm saying?
00:06:16.820 And even when you talk about therapy earlier, I don't think therapy is there to fix things.
00:06:20.820 It's just there to, for you to help.
00:06:22.820 It is.
00:06:23.820 Not, not, not, I don't think therapy is there to fix.
00:06:25.820 I think it's there to help you understand triggers and understand certain things for
00:06:29.820 you to maneuver.
00:06:30.820 It can never, therapy can never fix nothing.
00:06:33.820 Do you get what I'm saying?
00:06:34.820 Honestly, to be very honest with you, after going to therapy for eight years, maybe 12,
00:06:38.820 I don't believe in therapy.
00:06:40.820 I hear that.
00:06:41.820 There are other ways to fix your problems and you can also just really get over yourself.
00:06:44.820 Honestly, I just decided to get over myself and that's basically how I fix myself.
00:06:48.820 Well, I think, I think that therapy, like it's outsourcing families.
00:06:51.820 It is.
00:06:52.820 Because like, usually you would go to your siblings or you go to, because your, your, your,
00:06:56.820 your mother is going to have a completely different take. 1.00
00:06:58.820 Like if you're, let's say if you're in an argument with your boyfriend, she's going to have a completely
00:07:02.820 different take on the situation because she knows you and she knows your positive and your negative traits.
00:07:07.820 So it's like, if I tell my mom, like, Oh, this person reacted to me this way.
00:07:11.820 Mom's going to be like, well, maybe you did this.
00:07:14.820 Like maybe people are scared of that real truth.
00:07:18.820 No, I just think that the therapist doesn't have that information.
00:07:21.820 They didn't grow up with you, but like who knows your daughter better than you.
00:07:24.820 But that's what I'm saying.
00:07:25.820 She might be, she might be scared to go to her mom because she's going to get that harsh reality. 0.87
00:07:28.820 And sometimes people don't want the harsh reality.
00:07:30.820 You know what I'm saying?
00:07:31.820 No, I love it.
00:07:32.820 She raised me that way though.
00:07:33.820 Yeah.
00:07:34.820 Like the way you're, the way people raise their children dictates also relationships.
00:07:37.820 It dictates how people react.
00:07:38.820 And so she raised me, giving me the hard truth since I was little and I hated it.
00:07:42.820 I mean, I would scream at you and cry.
00:07:43.820 I used to hate her with my whole being.
00:07:45.820 But that's what I'm saying.
00:07:46.820 You hate, no one likes the truth.
00:07:47.820 No, no.
00:07:48.820 I used to hate her, but now I love her.
00:07:49.820 And I give her like all the props to being honest with me when I didn't want to hear it.
00:07:53.820 She told me I was fat.
00:07:54.820 She was like, you need to get up and go work out. 0.93
00:07:56.820 Like she reminded me of that every day.
00:07:58.820 I love that.
00:07:59.820 That's good.
00:08:00.820 That's so funny.
00:08:01.820 I used to get mad at my mom.
00:08:02.820 I wasn't, I wasn't that big, but I was like, kept her pretty, pretty chunky. 0.99
00:08:05.820 And my mom would always be like on me because I was just this diehard, like tomboy.
00:08:09.820 And I just didn't want to like look.
00:08:11.820 And I still struggle with it to this day, but I'm like, oh my God, I would be so much worse
00:08:15.820 if my mom wasn't like on me all the time. 1.00
00:08:18.820 Cause when you're a kid, you're just like, mom, like I don't want to.
00:08:21.820 And she's like this, she has her master's in nutrition.
00:08:23.820 She's trained thousands of people.
00:08:24.820 And I'm like, I don't want you to tell me what to eat.
00:08:26.820 Like, I don't want you to tell me how to live, how to work out.
00:08:28.820 But I would sit in my room, like obese, fat, you know, crying.
00:08:32.820 I was depressed in my dark room all day.
00:08:34.820 And she'd be like, open the curtains, rip the curtains open, be like, I'm going to take your phone away.
00:08:41.820 And I was like, it was like really intense.
00:08:43.820 You know, she was angry.
00:08:44.820 But those are the kind of parents that you need.
00:08:45.820 But I needed that because this world is cruel.
00:08:48.820 And I've been through some bad things and, and having that, her mentality that she raised me with being honest and saying, Penelope, you need to get up.
00:08:54.820 No, Penelope, this is not true.
00:08:55.820 You know, men, there are men and women.
00:08:57.820 Like these are important things she taught me.
00:08:58.820 It's kind of funny.
00:08:59.820 Like the day you realize your parents were right about everything.
00:09:02.820 It's like, it's like you just wake up one day and you're like, oh, I was like around 21 or 22 for me.
00:09:10.820 I was like, oh my gosh, my mom and dad raised me so well.
00:09:13.820 And they were right about everything they told me.
00:09:15.820 We never listen.
00:09:16.820 We never listen through our teenage years.
00:09:19.820 Except for relationships.
00:09:21.820 Oh yeah.
00:09:22.820 I'm not listening to them for relationship advice.
00:09:23.820 I've got no relationship advice.
00:09:24.820 I'm in the best relationship compared to those two.
00:09:26.820 Yeah.
00:09:27.820 Yeah.
00:09:28.820 Well, do you like the guy she's dating?
00:09:29.820 Very much.
00:09:30.820 Yeah.
00:09:31.820 I mean, I think that I think that mothers like actually we should ask our parents about those
00:09:35.820 like people we date.
00:09:36.820 Yeah.
00:09:37.820 And I actually, he met my mom and my dad and I would, I wouldn't have been with him if they
00:09:40.820 didn't like him.
00:09:41.820 Yeah.
00:09:42.820 Period.
00:09:43.820 Cause that's just how, that's just how it should be.
00:09:44.820 But man liked that as well.
00:09:45.820 Cause even the girl that I'm seeing now, her family unit is strong and I feel like it wouldn't
00:09:49.820 have worked if her, if her mom or things didn't like man. 0.98
00:09:52.820 Do you get what I'm saying?
00:09:53.820 Totally.
00:09:54.820 And my family is like my most important thing.
00:09:55.820 But man respect that.
00:09:56.820 Once the family is important to you.
00:09:57.820 Totally.
00:09:58.820 And close to you.
00:09:59.820 Like, I feel like, I feel like men respect women more when they have that family dynamic.
00:10:05.820 Whether the, even if the dad's not there, if the dad's there, obviously he's going to
00:10:09.820 respect it a lot more in it because he's going to come differently.
00:10:12.820 But if, if he knows you have a strong support unit with mom, cousins, aunties, whatever.
00:10:18.820 Yeah.
00:10:19.820 He is going to respect you a lot more than if a girl doesn't really have the same kind
00:10:23.820 of support.
00:10:24.820 We're asking how you find a good woman. 0.72
00:10:25.820 And I also find it really challenging to know when you find a good man.
00:10:28.820 I mean, I think by now at 47, you know, it's challenging to find a good man.
00:10:32.820 I think I found one whose values align, but it's not that easy.
00:10:37.820 It's not easy.
00:10:38.820 Exactly.
00:10:39.820 Exactly.