JustPearlyThings - This Feminist DISAGREES With COOL Aunty

00:00:00.040 When you go out and you dress and you speak who do you represent when you go out as a woman in the relationship

00:00:06.380 Right, so when you're at school and you're in uniform you represent the school

00:00:10.220 Yeah, when you go out as a child you represent your parents if you have a man you represent your man

00:00:15.680 You're a couple so people gonna know that if he sees you on a on a podcast and you're doing God knows what

00:00:22.920 You're gonna represent him people know that's so-and-so's woman. Yeah, so you have to listen to him

00:00:27.880 You don't don't know he doesn't tell me what to do, but I have to take his feelings into account

00:00:34.380 Do you flip that do you flip that and to say does he represent you as well when he's doing stuff cool?

00:00:38.540 Yeah, well, then do you have authority over him to give him permission to do stuff or not?

00:00:42.080 Yes, I think he won't do anything. We discuss everything. It works both ways, but he has the final decision

00:00:49.080 He has the final decision if he's going to do something and he says I'm gonna do that

00:00:57.800 And I'm like, do you know what? I don't agree with that because it's been so long 32 years and counting because it's been so long

00:01:04.700 He will he will know that there must be a reason behind it that I don't agree with him

00:01:10.160 Now he will either listen to me as I would do him because I don't have to take everything

00:01:14.880 Like he says as gospel. It's up to me whether to take it or not

00:01:20.000 I will listen to him rather than listen to my friends

00:01:25.120 What about most of us that haven't had 32 years and so are you saying that I've been with my man two years and I must what he says goes

00:01:31.920 This is what my struggle is

00:01:33.920 You've been able to build that trust you've been able to know that he's got your best interest at heart

00:01:37.880 Yeah, you've been able to know that he has the your right your right intentions

00:01:41.760 But most of us haven't had 32 years to practice all that, you know

00:01:45.680 I can't adopt your position

00:01:46.880 Can I say something you know something right you as a woman would know within the first six months 0.95

00:01:53.380 Whether that man is for you. I can't say that I'm married a man. I would know

00:01:57.140 Me personally, I would know I was a single parent just like you. I was a single parent and we split up

00:02:02.520 But when I met him back, he was a single parent

00:02:04.520 So I know that anything he says if it jars in my heart

00:02:09.400 I have to think they must have you know what that don't feel right. Let me discuss it

00:02:13.080 But if I think to myself, I am not going to be a detriment

00:02:18.040 Then I'll go with it because it's not harming me

00:02:21.320 so if he if I think in my head as a woman that what he's saying

00:02:26.120 Doesn't benefit me or harms me. I will discuss it and then because it's not the fact that oh what he says goes

00:02:33.400 Mm-hmm. I will discuss it with him and I want to hear where he's coming from because all right then for instance

00:02:38.840 you got a man and you both of you's got a favorite artists and

00:02:43.760 the favorite artist gives you two free tickets to go and

00:02:47.960 Then your man looks at tickets says you know what you're not going. What would you do?

00:02:52.680 This conversation just couldn't happen with my man. Anyway, no, honestly, I think that I think the modern relationship is way too

00:02:58.760 It the what no let me say the modern relationship

00:03:02.680 I'm looking for is way too equal in terms of opinion and position

00:03:06.440 There's a there's a conversation

00:03:07.880 It's about what's making me happy and if it's taking my best friend to that concert

00:03:11.720 He wants to see me smile and he wants to see me happy. That's what's going to happen in that concert

00:03:15.760 But you didn't answer the question so the question was I asked you

00:03:18.640 What would you do like when he asks you to do something that you don't want to do?

00:03:22.320 No, we're not to not go somewhere that you want to go

00:03:25.160 I will consider his feelings, but if it's in my best interest, I cannot put myself the only man or the only being is God that can tell me

00:03:33.000 by speech

00:03:35.000 By whatever by message

00:03:37.000 God says obey your husband

00:03:39.000 He's my husband

00:03:41.000 He's my man. He didn't put a ring on it

00:03:43.800 You should be with him until you put the ring on it

00:03:45.480 Right, but what I'm trying to say is if I'm a feminist 1.00

00:03:48.360 What does it mean for me as a single woman? That's what I'm trying to understand from this conversation

00:03:51.480 Okay, so can I try to add a little bit of context on it because it's like a okay

00:03:55.160 So basically what what what they're saying is okay, so yes working

00:04:00.120 Taking out the rubbish doing all of these things are seen as as masculinity, right?

00:04:04.680 However, I don't think we're speaking in that regard because obviously these are things that have to be done

00:04:09.640 You have to take out the rubbish. You have to work

00:04:12.040 You have to do these things, but I think we especially as a single person

00:04:16.200 However, we're basically say but you're still a feminine that doesn't make you masculine 0.99

00:04:20.760 What makes you masculine is when you're like so let's put everything in context now

00:04:25.080 So I said I made the same statement as auntie, right?

00:04:28.520 So I'm going to put things into context if I wanted to go shopping in Tesco's for example

00:04:33.080 I don't need his permission

00:04:34.920 Because I'm going Tesco's and I'm doing food shopping if somebody invites me to a club

00:04:40.360 Or some kind of event

00:04:42.840 Then I need to sit down and speak to him and explain to him where I'm going what type of event is what kind of people are there

00:04:47.800 All right, let's so let's say for example

00:04:49.240 I put an outfit on and I put on a short dress

00:04:52.520 And my breasts are revealing okay

00:04:55.720 Now if he says to me you look nice babe

00:05:00.040 Go out and have a good time

00:05:02.040 As soon as he's finished that sentence, me and him are done

00:05:05.240 Because me I can't be the guy like that to me. That's a simp

00:05:07.800 Okay, so if my my man or my husband says to me

00:05:11.800 You need to go back and you need to change because what you're wearing

00:05:15.720 Is inappropriate now look a lot of people will be like no

00:05:19.320 Why why I can wear what I want if I want to work

00:05:21.400 But you're not you're not thinking because if you if you're going out with your husband, right

00:05:25.640 And you go to a club or a place and you're wearing a short skirt and your breasts are out 0.99

00:05:29.880 You're there's a huge possibility that you're going to put your husband in a situation. No, but he's next to me

00:05:36.680 Let me land let me land okay, so for example my fiancee, right

00:05:42.040 If me and him went out to a place and he wouldn't let me wear that anyway in the first place

00:05:45.960 But let's say he did and we went out to a place right and a guy comes and and taps my bum

00:05:51.720 Why would he do that?

00:05:52.520 Because they do that

00:05:53.160 Well because I'm wearing a short skirt

00:05:53.800 Yes, yes, I've seen that many times

00:05:56.680 But you can also do that in jeans too, right?

00:06:00.520 It's less likely right and if he does do that if I had a BBL you will tap my ass not necessarily

00:06:06.200 But look look look we we have to go about intentions

00:06:09.160 If I come to a place and I'm properly covered up jeans and a guy does that he's getting smoked

00:06:15.000 Right, there's no if so but about it because this girl is respecting herself. She's dressed up nice and you've come out of your way

00:06:21.160 Yeah, and you've you've slapped her ass

00:06:23.080 Now my fiancee if he was with me right and somebody did that

00:06:27.480 There's a huge possibility. He's going to jail for life, but then you're wearing tight jeans

00:06:31.240 Why not wear this one long skirt in it? 1.00

00:06:33.240 We're going if you're gonna do

00:06:35.240 You can wear a long skirt

00:06:36.920 No curves no nothing

00:06:38.920 That's what you should do then because you're calling for it also with the little tightness

00:06:42.680 No, okay, wait get it getting away from the clothes get hold on getting away from the clothes

00:06:45.480 You guys this is what I'm so confused about it auntie

00:06:47.480 You kind of did it and then walked to a more agreeable area you guys talk about things that are basic relationship norms

00:06:53.080 But you like frame them in the most toxic way possible

00:06:55.080 I don't understand so you talk about like if i'm going to wear something and go out to a club

00:06:58.360 My boy my my boyfriend my husband whatever is going to approve of it

00:07:02.280 Which to some extent like can make sense in a relationship context

00:07:06.040 But if you flip that around if your boyfriend or husband says i'm going to go out to party

00:07:10.840 You know and there's like you know 10 girls there and like two guys

00:07:13.720 I imagine you have to okay that right you'd have to tell him whether or not you give him permission to do that

00:07:17.720 No, yes, okay, so you guys frame these things like my my husband is the ultimate authority and blah blah blah

00:07:22.600 But that's not true for all you guys. It's a back and forth like you're going to be okay what he does

00:07:27.000 He's going to be okay what you do that has nothing to do with masculinity or femininity or anything like that

00:07:31.000 That's just like two adults having a relationship figure out what the boundaries are. Thank you. Yeah

00:07:35.400 So what do you mean by your place when you say auntie?

00:07:38.440 Because what does he saying that it is an equal exchange of um looking out for each other no, I think

00:07:45.720 When I when I'm with me i'm different because if i'm gonna wear a short skirt and something sexy i'm always gonna work with one with my man

00:07:54.280 Mostly i wear it at home

00:07:56.280 But if i want to go out and i'll say to him what do you think about this and do you know what?

00:08:02.120 What um destiny said

00:08:05.000 What we've been saying is just normal normal respect for each other

00:08:10.840 And i respect him and his decisions and his opinions and he will respect mine

00:08:17.160 So it's not like i'm blindly following where he wants to go

00:08:20.760 Because if he wanted to go somewhere or talk to certain people i've said in the past you know what i don't like your friends

00:08:27.880 And as a man i will say you know i'm not gonna say don't go out of them i'm saying this watch out for this

00:08:32.120 This is what i spotted this this this and this and i'll let him go ahead and eventually he will not you know what you were right

00:08:39.000 So it's just about respect, but i find that these modern people now

00:08:43.080 They don't have the basic respect for each other in the relationship

00:08:47.000 Okay

JustPearlyThings - February 08, 2023

This Feminist DISAGREES With COOL Aunty

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