This Feminist DISAGREES With COOL Aunty
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
220.44438
Summary
In this episode, we discuss what it means to be a feminist in the 21st century and how to deal with toxic masculinity in the modern dating world. We also discuss what a feminist should do when her man asks her to do something that she doesn t want to do and what she should do about it.
Transcript
00:00:00.040
When you go out and you dress and you speak who do you represent when you go out as a woman in the relationship
00:00:06.380
Right, so when you're at school and you're in uniform you represent the school
00:00:10.220
Yeah, when you go out as a child you represent your parents if you have a man you represent your man
00:00:15.680
You're a couple so people gonna know that if he sees you on a on a podcast and you're doing God knows what
00:00:22.920
You're gonna represent him people know that's so-and-so's woman. Yeah, so you have to listen to him
00:00:27.880
You don't don't know he doesn't tell me what to do, but I have to take his feelings into account
00:00:34.380
Do you flip that do you flip that and to say does he represent you as well when he's doing stuff cool?
00:00:38.540
Yeah, well, then do you have authority over him to give him permission to do stuff or not?
00:00:42.080
Yes, I think he won't do anything. We discuss everything. It works both ways, but he has the final decision
00:00:49.080
He has the final decision if he's going to do something and he says I'm gonna do that
00:00:57.800
And I'm like, do you know what? I don't agree with that because it's been so long 32 years and counting because it's been so long
00:01:04.700
He will he will know that there must be a reason behind it that I don't agree with him
00:01:10.160
Now he will either listen to me as I would do him because I don't have to take everything
00:01:14.880
Like he says as gospel. It's up to me whether to take it or not
00:01:20.000
I will listen to him rather than listen to my friends
00:01:25.120
What about most of us that haven't had 32 years and so are you saying that I've been with my man two years and I must what he says goes
00:01:33.920
You've been able to build that trust you've been able to know that he's got your best interest at heart
00:01:37.880
Yeah, you've been able to know that he has the your right your right intentions
00:01:41.760
But most of us haven't had 32 years to practice all that, you know
00:01:46.880
Can I say something you know something right you as a woman would know within the first six months
00:01:53.380
Whether that man is for you. I can't say that I'm married a man. I would know
00:01:57.140
Me personally, I would know I was a single parent just like you. I was a single parent and we split up
00:02:02.520
But when I met him back, he was a single parent
00:02:04.520
So I know that anything he says if it jars in my heart
00:02:09.400
I have to think they must have you know what that don't feel right. Let me discuss it
00:02:13.080
But if I think to myself, I am not going to be a detriment
00:02:18.040
Then I'll go with it because it's not harming me
00:02:21.320
so if he if I think in my head as a woman that what he's saying
00:02:26.120
Doesn't benefit me or harms me. I will discuss it and then because it's not the fact that oh what he says goes
00:02:33.400
Mm-hmm. I will discuss it with him and I want to hear where he's coming from because all right then for instance
00:02:38.840
you got a man and you both of you's got a favorite artists and
00:02:43.760
the favorite artist gives you two free tickets to go and
00:02:47.960
Then your man looks at tickets says you know what you're not going. What would you do?
00:02:52.680
This conversation just couldn't happen with my man. Anyway, no, honestly, I think that I think the modern relationship is way too
00:02:58.760
It the what no let me say the modern relationship
00:03:02.680
I'm looking for is way too equal in terms of opinion and position
00:03:07.880
It's about what's making me happy and if it's taking my best friend to that concert
00:03:11.720
He wants to see me smile and he wants to see me happy. That's what's going to happen in that concert
00:03:15.760
But you didn't answer the question so the question was I asked you
00:03:18.640
What would you do like when he asks you to do something that you don't want to do?
00:03:22.320
No, we're not to not go somewhere that you want to go
00:03:25.160
I will consider his feelings, but if it's in my best interest, I cannot put myself the only man or the only being is God that can tell me
00:03:43.800
You should be with him until you put the ring on it
00:03:45.480
Right, but what I'm trying to say is if I'm a feminist
00:03:48.360
What does it mean for me as a single woman? That's what I'm trying to understand from this conversation
00:03:51.480
Okay, so can I try to add a little bit of context on it because it's like a okay
00:03:55.160
So basically what what what they're saying is okay, so yes working
00:04:00.120
Taking out the rubbish doing all of these things are seen as as masculinity, right?
00:04:04.680
However, I don't think we're speaking in that regard because obviously these are things that have to be done
00:04:09.640
You have to take out the rubbish. You have to work
00:04:12.040
You have to do these things, but I think we especially as a single person
00:04:16.200
However, we're basically say but you're still a feminine that doesn't make you masculine
00:04:20.760
What makes you masculine is when you're like so let's put everything in context now
00:04:25.080
So I said I made the same statement as auntie, right?
00:04:28.520
So I'm going to put things into context if I wanted to go shopping in Tesco's for example
00:04:34.920
Because I'm going Tesco's and I'm doing food shopping if somebody invites me to a club
00:04:42.840
Then I need to sit down and speak to him and explain to him where I'm going what type of event is what kind of people are there
00:05:02.040
As soon as he's finished that sentence, me and him are done
00:05:05.240
Because me I can't be the guy like that to me. That's a simp
00:05:11.800
You need to go back and you need to change because what you're wearing
00:05:15.720
Is inappropriate now look a lot of people will be like no
00:05:19.320
Why why I can wear what I want if I want to work
00:05:21.400
But you're not you're not thinking because if you if you're going out with your husband, right
00:05:25.640
And you go to a club or a place and you're wearing a short skirt and your breasts are out
00:05:29.880
You're there's a huge possibility that you're going to put your husband in a situation. No, but he's next to me
00:05:36.680
Let me land let me land okay, so for example my fiancee, right
00:05:42.040
If me and him went out to a place and he wouldn't let me wear that anyway in the first place
00:05:45.960
But let's say he did and we went out to a place right and a guy comes and and taps my bum
00:06:00.520
It's less likely right and if he does do that if I had a BBL you will tap my ass not necessarily
00:06:06.200
But look look look we we have to go about intentions
00:06:09.160
If I come to a place and I'm properly covered up jeans and a guy does that he's getting smoked
00:06:15.000
Right, there's no if so but about it because this girl is respecting herself. She's dressed up nice and you've come out of your way
00:06:23.080
Now my fiancee if he was with me right and somebody did that
00:06:27.480
There's a huge possibility. He's going to jail for life, but then you're wearing tight jeans
00:06:38.920
That's what you should do then because you're calling for it also with the little tightness
00:06:42.680
No, okay, wait get it getting away from the clothes get hold on getting away from the clothes
00:06:45.480
You guys this is what I'm so confused about it auntie
00:06:47.480
You kind of did it and then walked to a more agreeable area you guys talk about things that are basic relationship norms
00:06:53.080
But you like frame them in the most toxic way possible
00:06:55.080
I don't understand so you talk about like if i'm going to wear something and go out to a club
00:06:58.360
My boy my my boyfriend my husband whatever is going to approve of it
00:07:02.280
Which to some extent like can make sense in a relationship context
00:07:06.040
But if you flip that around if your boyfriend or husband says i'm going to go out to party
00:07:10.840
You know and there's like you know 10 girls there and like two guys
00:07:13.720
I imagine you have to okay that right you'd have to tell him whether or not you give him permission to do that
00:07:17.720
No, yes, okay, so you guys frame these things like my my husband is the ultimate authority and blah blah blah
00:07:22.600
But that's not true for all you guys. It's a back and forth like you're going to be okay what he does
00:07:27.000
He's going to be okay what you do that has nothing to do with masculinity or femininity or anything like that
00:07:31.000
That's just like two adults having a relationship figure out what the boundaries are. Thank you. Yeah
00:07:35.400
So what do you mean by your place when you say auntie?
00:07:38.440
Because what does he saying that it is an equal exchange of um looking out for each other no, I think
00:07:45.720
When I when I'm with me i'm different because if i'm gonna wear a short skirt and something sexy i'm always gonna work with one with my man
00:07:56.280
But if i want to go out and i'll say to him what do you think about this and do you know what?
00:08:05.000
What we've been saying is just normal normal respect for each other
00:08:10.840
And i respect him and his decisions and his opinions and he will respect mine
00:08:17.160
So it's not like i'm blindly following where he wants to go
00:08:20.760
Because if he wanted to go somewhere or talk to certain people i've said in the past you know what i don't like your friends
00:08:27.880
And as a man i will say you know i'm not gonna say don't go out of them i'm saying this watch out for this
00:08:32.120
This is what i spotted this this this and this and i'll let him go ahead and eventually he will not you know what you were right
00:08:39.000
So it's just about respect, but i find that these modern people now
00:08:43.080
They don't have the basic respect for each other in the relationship