This HVM SCHOOLED The Panel On What Idea Marriage Looks Like
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Summary
In this episode, I sit down with my good friend Dimitri and talk about how he went from being a college dropout to becoming a multi-millionaire in the legal world. He also talks about why he decided to get married at the age of 22, how he picked his wife, and why he chose to have kids with her.
Transcript
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strategic decision. I'm going to go all frickin in.
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That's the way it should be. That was the way you love me.
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That was my choice. And I admit, it might not be the most,
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because people are going to say, oh, but you're a businessman.
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You're making a, you know, not a risk mitigating decision.
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I made a choice. But, you know, I'll tell you something.
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My wife's told me this many, many times, like sort of in a playful way,
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kind of talk, you know, because we have hard conversations sometimes.
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She's like, look, if you divorce me, I don't want any money.
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She just said, I just want to make sure that I have the kids.
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And I said, that's great. That's what I want, too.
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Right. But that's it. But I made that decision.
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I made that decision to step into that and say, I'm going to risk everything,
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because maybe it's a courageous, you know, delusion that I had at the time.
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And maybe I'm just lucky that it worked out the way it has so far.
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So would you say that there's no wrong or right when it comes to that kind of decision?
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Because it is like a business kind of marriage, marriage to marriage to me was,
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Are the laws different in the country you're in?
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Well, because the Canadian court system just is like Australia or the US.
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You know what's crazy is my wife's never had a public Instagram.
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And by the way, people that meet my wife, they're like, wow, Dimitri, like, really?
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Like, they're impressed that I got a girl of that caliber because she's, you know, 5'10 blonde.
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You know, my wife's like, like, I have a type and it's her.
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Like, you know, people say, wow, is she like a model or something?
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Because, you know, so I did well in that regard.
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And, in fact, I was my wife and I have my wife's first and only serious relationship.
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So, I guess if you choose right, you don't need to choose for life.
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Well, and of course, like, what bigger decision can a man make than to get married?
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I think when you're looking for a partner, you need to actually look at, do they actually,
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the little things, does it match with the person?
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And if the little things match, and if you can deal with one another's differences in opinions,
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I think that's a winner because then you're showing that you have respect and you're listening
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I was going to say, so I'm sitting with my mentor.
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And then, like, I'm 22 and I'm single and I'm frustrated.
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And my life is not going the way I want it to go.
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I bought my first house at 23 and I was a full-time university student.
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So, like, there was a lot of changes that I was undergoing.
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Like, I took cold showers every freaking morning.
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In fact, my 1988 Toyota Corolla, actual 1988 Toyota Corolla that I took a girl on a date on,
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told me that she'll never go on a date with me again because my car smells like old people.
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And she thought I was a psycho, which makes sense because my Corolla had a Ferrari sticker on the steering wheel.
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Tony Robbins, no, it was Napoleon Hill, secrets of whatever, Napoleon Hill playing.
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And motivational quotes posted on all the mirrors.
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So, anyways, 22, I'm sitting with a mentor of mine.
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I'm like, and I said, dude, like, how do I get a happy and successful girlfriend?
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You're saying you've done the mentoring for the girlfriend.
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I went through that other phase two, by the way.
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And if you're listening to Napoleon Hill at 22, wow.
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Because, well, guys, because I lived in the actual projects.
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Like, I lived, like, you know, the projects are social housing.
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Literally, I was rollerblading and somebody recruited me to go into sales.
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But here's the, and by the way, like, so he, I said, how do I get a happy and successful girlfriend?
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At the time, I was just, I just wanted a girl to like me.
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And it comes back to, you know, McConaughey quote.
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He does the thing like, don't chase a butterfly, build a garden.
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So a mentor of mine that had a really huge impact on my life.
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Like, he really told me, like, he's like, just build your own value.
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Focus on you and do everything you need to do to be the most attractive guy to the women around you.
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Because I wasn't an attractive guy to women around me.
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I was rollerblading to university in the 1988 Corolla was falling apart.
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The driving test I took the first time, he didn't let me drive the car.
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I said, I borrowed my dad's car because he said the car does not look safe.
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So, you know, at 22, I'm not a good prospect for women.
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Like, oh, it's not that I'm not good at getting women.
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Well, because I'm 22 and I was, at the time, I was going to university.
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Why do you think you were able to take that feedback where most women, if you say the men you want, don't want, they get offended?
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Because the pain of staying the same was greater than the pain of change.
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To be fair, at 22, men are at that level where they're not as highly, you know, I'm talking from a perspective of a 22 year old man and a 22 year old woman.
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A 22 year old role, a 22 year old woman is a lot more desired than a 22 year old man at that stage.
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Yeah, but we could use the opposite, like a 42 year old man and a 42 year old woman.
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The man's going to be a lot more desired than the woman.
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It actually, it switches for women about 30, according to dating apps.
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I have friends that are 40 that are very successful.
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I kind of looked at it like I understand, obviously, that men's value grows with time and women's value, like whatever you call sexual market value goes down.
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But that's like what actually, in my opinion, this is an opinion.
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In my opinion, that's what makes a successful man.
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A man who can be dangerous, but chooses not to be and chooses to control it.
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That, to me, is like a really high aspiration for a way of living.
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I love the aspiration of being able to do the things that are dangerous, but choosing to control that danger.
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I feel like it's tough because it's almost like if you have a kid, you're screwed anyway.
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I've been doing this documentary on the court system.
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But even so, I just don't think I could ever advise a guy not to get a prenup because just the outcomes are so catastrophic.
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Especially when I'm learning about men committing suicide a lot during that process.
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I started asking Uber drivers that I drive with.
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And I found out like, I would guess like one out of four of my Uber drivers, they somehow were in the court system in some way.
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So it's like all these men that were just financially ruined at their 40s or their 50s to the point they're never going to come back.
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So do you advise men to like do the same route that you did?
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Because I would just have a hard time doing that.
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You know, I'm a logical guy and I like to think of like in things about mitigating risk.
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It was a personal choice for me to, you know, I get really hard for commitment.
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I've done one thing in my life, you know, at a university selling door to door.
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I started a company that's, I sold suits door to door in office buildings, which has just grown to 20 countries.
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We now have over 100 people working at our company.
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I don't like to, I don't like to look for success in places that I don't know they exist.
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I don't like to, I don't like to look at my neighbor's lawn.
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So for me, that decision of commitment was actually bigger than the risk that I felt.
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I mean, I don't think, I don't know if there's a right answer.
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I think this is part, to me, it's just personal.
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I was just wondering, you have so many guys you mentor.
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So I was just curious if you advise them the same way.
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I tell my guys this, never marry from a weak position, never commit from a weak position.
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What I mean from a weak position, you know, when you see red flags and you're like, everybody's,
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you know, everybody knows that you see the red flags and you choose to ignore them.
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And like, I tell guys in our company when they joined there in their early twenties, I'm like,
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don't like, don't commit to the first girl you fricking kiss, man.
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Because you're like, there's things you're not going to see.
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I go, go through the three or fours, run it, run it, run it, run it.
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I expected you to have more of a trap kind of position.
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That is the optimal thing that a man can do is make himself as highly attractive to women
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as possible, as possible to increase his pool and then pick the option that optimizes for him and then commit to that.
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Now, some people might say, oh, you should have three or four wives.
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What did you think about what he said earlier about guys liking alpha women?
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Well, I found myself very, my mom is an alpha woman.
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She's a high, high income earner compared to my dad.
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So she actually, her career took off, you know, in computer science, she's got a master's computer science.
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So when we moved to Canada, she was like the Soviet engineer and her career took off and my dad just remained a humble mechanic.
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And so I found myself at a young age attracted to these women that were sort of like argumentative, sometimes would cause a scene in public because that's my mom and wanted control.
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And I made a, and again, I started finding myself attracted to those women.
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And I remember my first serious girlfriend for two years, she never cooked the meal.
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She said, I think it's beneath women to cook for men.
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It was, and that wasn't the only, and that was the only, that wasn't the only thing.
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Something that came in my mind, basically what you're saying is, I get it because, you know, for example, a lot of people DM me saying they talk about my chest and that.
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And I'm like, is it because they've got a fat mom and they've been like, you know, when they're breastfeeding.
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So that's why they DM me talking about wanting to lick my nipples and all that.
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It comes from childhood and it comes from like little things.
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Like, you know, I mean, it comes from certain feelings must come from childhood for them to have those things as adults.
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And I really believe people that have fat mothers also like fat people.
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There's a study that's been shown that poor men prefer corpulent, you know, larger women.
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I'm like, I'm like, I wonder if it's because I wonder if it's because that's just the pool that they have available to them.
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You know, and obviously if you grow up more, there's more likelihood you will be poor.
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No, I was going to actually like in terms of obviously every man is different.
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I couldn't be with a girl for two years, one year, six months.
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You're probably just naturally better with women than I was.
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Like if you work where you work and you were getting some good for you, man.
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I don't want to like maybe I argue and I'm being too.
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And my wife cooks all the time and it's amazing.
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I believed in actualization because my mentor said you need to believe in it.
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I don't believe in astrology, but I'll try this stuff, whatever.
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I had a book and one of the, it was like a folder.
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There was like, you know, goals in different areas.
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And one of the, one of the dividers was about my ideal mate.
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And I actually described very vividly with pictures what my ideal mate would be to me.
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For me, it also included, you know, background, family.
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He sold his company at 39 for 50 million bucks.
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And just look, a guy put me on the board of his fricking company.
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He goes, Dimitri, I want you to just sit there and listen.
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I just want you to sit and listen so you can be around these people and just see how they talk,
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And, and he was like, girl's relationship with her father matters a lot.
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I didn't know why I didn't understand it, but I said, okay.
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So I wrote down, I want my future wife to have an amazing relationship with her dad and respect her father.
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That was the words he said, respect her father.
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Right now, as I got into like 24, 25, 26, my options opened up profusely.
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Like it was like, it was like good times at that time.
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But then I was choosing from the women that made themselves available to me.
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But in terms of like who I was going to wife up, I knew exactly what I wanted.
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And that may be different from different people, but I really want to take a strategic position.
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You know, I think, I think if the guys aren't getting laid, then they're probably just going to get married for the pee.
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And I, I, you know, and that, and that's been the intent.
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Dimitri, you've been sharing some sort of special wisdom because I've actually really been enjoying this.
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It's actually your wisdom to hear your experiences to, to how it is for you.
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Also, the fact that you've come from a hardship background.
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You guys know, you guys know, you guys, you guys know, you guys know that statistically, if you're,
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yeah, I was going to say, statistically, if you're wearing a suit, people just believe you more as an expert.
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You know what's, you know what's interesting when you were talking about, um, no tattoos, no,
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That was, for my wife, no piercings, no tattoos.
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It's interesting because when I was growing up, my mom would always say that to me.
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Like, you, and I'd be like, mom, you're so judgmental.
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Why would you say, like, you know, and I would always be, you know, just arguing with my mom about it.
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And she would always tell me, you can't get tattoos, no piercings, no this, no that.
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And I was thinking, I was like, maybe I will just piss my mom, you know, you're 18, right?
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But it's like one of the things I'm so thankful for now is that, like, my mom just, like, beat that into me.
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Like, no heavy makeup, no tattoos, no, don't, like, stay in shape, like, all that stuff.
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And it's interesting you say that because what I noticed is, like, my brothers, like, they won't even give a girl, like, a second look if they say she's got any tattoos that are visible.
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It's sad because sometimes, like, girls are so beautiful, but it's like they'll get, like, a sleeve or they'll get something.
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But is there someone without tattoo or without piercing better than someone that has them?
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Does it make them greater than the one that doesn't have them?
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And again, I know that some people listening to this or even here are not going to agree
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And I think it shows a lack of impulse control.
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I'm sure that like 99% of men would disagree with me on this.
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So I'm probably not statistically correct here.
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So just know that you're more qualified in many men's eyes than less qualified because
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I'm sure other men would see that as fun and expressive and maybe...
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It depends on the type of guy you're going for.
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Guys that from like a corporate background, like that's not what they go for.
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Typically from a business background, it's not...
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I've been with lots of just tattoos, but I wouldn't marry you.
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You know when they say birds of a feather flock together?
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I think we need to always circle back around to that because if I date somebody completely
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out of my character, completely out of the people I vibrate on like this frequency, of
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I'm going to want to get my tattoos lasered and stuff.
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So if you want to get into that level of people, you know, those kind of people, you
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want to be around millionaires and you want to have a millionaire husband and all of those
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Yeah, but do you actually feel like just because like people don't have tattoos and piercing,
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And out of my five brothers, I think four make six figures.
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So four are in the top like five to ten percent of earners.
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If I can ask the oldest, if I can ask how old is the oldest brother or sister?
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We should clarify that like just because a man will sleep with you and we all know this
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Like I had lots of girls that had tattoos, but I knew that I wasn't going to be like...
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We're actually just discussing about if someone that doesn't have tattoos and piercing,
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why would it be better than someone that has them?
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Like it's the same thing as someone that is wearing a suit and someone that is wearing just jeans and just something casual.
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That's someone that wears a suit makes someone like better than...
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So to women, we like men in suits in general by and large because it signals well.
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Men like women without piercings and without tattoos because it signals purity and life choices.
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Like why do you wear a white dress at the wedding?
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I feel like with tattoos, first, yeah, they look good and all that.
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But then when you get older and wrinkled, I'm sorry, it just looks like a mess on the body.
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And even what you were saying, like birds of the same feather flock together, we have...
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I have another talent here and he's got a sleeve full of tattoos and he even says himself he prefers women without them.
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That's true, but can I say just something, yeah.
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When I was like younger, right, I used to have like piercings because I love piercings or whatsoever, yeah.
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I was the only one having piercings, nails whatsoever, yeah.
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But I can tell you for facts that I was the purest one because at 14, 15, I was not going with any guy.
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And the girls that they had the family that they were eventually give them curfew for going home at 10, 11 o'clock or they didn't have piercing or they didn't have tattoos.
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They were the ones that they were more dirty than me.
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But this is the thing, if you're advertising yourself one way.
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So if you have a sign on yourself and you're advertising that you're not pure, how would they know?
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It's like men, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck.
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But that's what I'm saying because nowadays the society gets only to see like the appearance.
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They don't really, everything is superficial now.
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Right, but we, okay, do you want to date a guy taller than you?
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Right, and for nature, men like women that are pure because historically they had to ensure paternity.
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And if a girl has tattoos and a lot of piercings, that's what they associate it with.
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Yeah, but we can even talk about how many people from New Zealand, like ages and ages ago,
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they used to have tattoos on their bodies or they used to have symbols on their bodies.
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Maori, Indies, all these people that they used to have tattoos.
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It doesn't really matter what the culture was back then.
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What I could say is that it's embedded in our DNA though.
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No matter where we are in the world, there is a specific thing that brings me in,
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that draws me in, that attracts me, that does particular things to my DNA.
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I don't care that he has four children and four baby mothers.
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Because at the end of the day, nature to nature, there is something within him that's deeper than what society sees him as.
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So you're Russian roulette in your relationships?
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No, I don't get in relationships with them because then I think, at the end of the day,
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me being in a relationship with myself is more important than being in a relationship man.
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I mean, in a relationship with a man who can't even be connected to himself.
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Being in a relationship with yourself is more important than being in a relationship with a man.
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I'm just saying, in order for me to be in a proper relationship, I need to know that that man is secure.
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Whether that means that I'm choosing a man who's not probably in a particular position where I would want to have his children.
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I do believe that me loving this man and having him commit to me could potentially make him the man he's meant to be.
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So the man's gonna commit to you and you're gonna make him into what you want him to be.
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Why would you pick a guy that you have to make him into what he should be?
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And that's what I'm saying because I think I've had a lot of offers of marriage.
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I wish I had that lot of people proposing to me.
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I mean you kind of did right there when you're saying I'm gonna make him into the man he wants to.
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I feel like men that are gonna be successful are gonna be successful regardless of the women.
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Whether you met your wife or didn't meet your wife.
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But is it wrong for a woman to blow her own horn?
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Well, women come in a relationship to multiply.
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And I'm not talking about you personally, but I'm talking about in general.
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And then they'll say, I make the house into a home.
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What percent of women today were really raised to be wives?
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What percent of women really know how to have family traditions?
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What percent of women really aren't out every weekend?
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Let us know, because that is the foundation, is a woman makes a house into a home.
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And that's why they say when you look at a society, you see how it's doing, you look at the women.
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And the women today, they're overweight, they've slept with more people, and we're less successful in relationships than ever before.
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But I must admit, the way society has gone, they've made it more accepted for women to be by themselves, have the kids, and not have the man involved.
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Why haven't they given men a lot of incentive to stay at home?
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Because, alright, a woman can be high on this and high statistically on that.
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But really and truly, the man, it's all down to him in a way.
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He will make the proposal, he will choose his wife, and all of that.
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So, why has not the system given more incentive for the men to stay at home?
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So, because women leave 70 to 80% of the time, 90% of their college education.
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So, the women are the ones ruining the relationship.
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Can I just say, the women have more incentive to be by themselves.
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Because they financially ruin men in order to do that.
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Financially, the system wants to tax everybody.
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I'll tell you why, because I'm actually researching this.
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I'll tell you why, if you want to know, because I'm actually researching this.
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The issue is that the politicians have no incentive to change the laws because the biggest group of swing voters is women.
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So, why would they take away the benefits of single mothers, even if men are committing suicide every single day, because of these policies?
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Now, some could argue that women shouldn't vote.
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The incentives are crazy, but we don't have to take them.
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And I don't even want to break down her parents right now.
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But my best friend from school, three kids, no husband.
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Like, why would my best friend from school do that?
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Of being a bit toxic, a bit generational curse.
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And, you know, even though these women are saying that they're going to leave,
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they're going to do this, they're still not happy in making that choice.
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But then the men still don't have no incentive to come back or to stay or to make it work with the women that they bear children with.
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But that's just, that narrative just isn't true.
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I'm saying, okay, out of 10 marriages, if there's 10 marriages, two are the men leaving, eight are the women leaving.
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This is why I say modern women are selfish because it's me, me, me before the family.
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Oh, even if they have the incentives, like a true traditional woman would never take them.
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She doesn't care because she cares about the kids first.
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Maybe they're coming from a place where they've seen that, okay, the traditional woman has been unhappy for most of her life.
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Women in families are happier than women without families.
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80% of women that are single and childless are not happy that they're there.
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By the way, the single most unhappiest demographic, the single most unhappiest demographic,
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there's lots of data on this, is 40-year-old single unmarried women.
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Like, again, I'm not saying everybody is like, statistics, you know, don't apply to individuals,
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And it's like, why do we, why do we, I feel like Hollywood, Hollywood has brainwashed us into thinking that traditional women were not happy.
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You know, I know a couple, and I've told this story a couple times, this couple, they were
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And the woman, the man actually left the house for a side chick.
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So he left, he left the house completely, left her.
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And this woman was so Catholic that she prayed, she prayed to God for a solution.
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As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok.
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And we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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