This Modern Woman ADMITTED This
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Summary
In this episode, we discuss cheating in relationships and how to deal with cheating in a relationship. We have a special guest, Laura, who shares her experience of cheating in her relationship and how she dealt with it.
Transcript
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Have you ever cheated, starting here, go around, and then second?
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I have never cheated. I have been cheated on once that I'm aware of.
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Literally just WhatsApp and also he had some dating apps as well,
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Was it your first time looking or had you looked before?
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That was my first time looking. I already felt there was something not quite right.
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How long were you guys dating before you looked?
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No, because I trusted him until a point that I didn't and then I was right.
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He changed the mannerisms, the way we were together, it was just different.
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I was getting lots of presents and he was very wealthy, so win-win maybe?
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There was definitely things lacking, like emotionally and stuff.
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I stayed for a bit because he was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
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And he was like all about, you know, making everything work and fixing it.
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But I think deep down, I was like, I can't, it doesn't, it's broken.
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If he was making less money, would you have left quicker?
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Probably, you know, because once it's broken, it's broken.
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If he was making more, would you have stayed longer?
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No, I think, no, there came a point where I was like, no, I'm done.
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No, no, because, because I think when the trust is broken, the trust is broken.
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So like, although I'm like, yeah, we can make it work.
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And you, and once that trust is broken, then I think it's really hard for a relationship
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But I think because we spent so long together and we were good for so long and he was willing
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to own up to it and rectify it and blah, blah, blah.
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But realistically, it's very rare that that works.
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If you were single the rest of your life, would you have wished you worked it out with
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But I think, I think when I was in love with him, I probably would have said that, but
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That, that emotion, that emotional draw or tie.
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Have you ever, have you ever flirted with another guy?
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It's just because of some of the stuff that I do work that I do, but, but never with intent.
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Did you have guy friends at all when you were in that relationship?
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Did you ever respond to messages from other guys?
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Maybe light flirting some guy friends, but nothing physical.
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I really, if I like someone, that's the only person I want to be with.
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I think they kind of cheat for a one-upmanship rather than, so you did it so I can do it.
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Whereas, um, I think that there is an element that it's, you know, escapism and they, and they want out of what they're in.
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You've never cheated, but you know women who've cheated back.
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And is that usually, does it work out for them?
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Um, I've experienced someone being unfaithful to me, but we're not even together in the first place.
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So you weren't, so how was he unfaithful if you weren't together?
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Um, I just, we were doing very official things.
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So the sex, you guys were having sex and then he was, we didn't have like a proper talk.
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But then I just energetically felt like he was with someone else.
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If, if you never really established something, but, but then you kind of have?
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If you're, if you're not together, you think it counts as cheating?
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He was consistently asking me out to be official.
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I was kind of, you know, for me, it's about action.
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So instead of saying, yes, I can be a girlfriend, I have to receive girlfriend treatments and,
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Maybe, maybe he took it as a no and then was starting to move on.
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Like if like, it's like, if you asked a guy to be your boyfriend or like, if you, it's going
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somewhere and he says, no, wouldn't you move on?
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It was just some kissing and a bit of a fumble in my lunch break.
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So I don't know how I feel about it or felt about it.
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So I don't know how I feel about it or felt about it.
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Well, the first time, she probably cheated on me and then I just went nuts.
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She's probably going to watch this, so I can't.
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And we're actually laughing about it over the other week.
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Like, she's the best, but she thought I was a proper angel.
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And when I was about to tell her over dinner, like, everything that happened, like, she was like,
00:10:02.000
Like, I look at you as a, like, as an angel, so I was like, all right, find a way to tell
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In your experience, if a girl finds out about another, if a girl finds out about other
00:10:57.000
I want to know what you define cheating as first.
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Because everyone sees cheating as a different thing.
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Is it deceiving someone behind their back or is it doing it when they know about it?
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So, you've had like an open relationship type thing?
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To be honest with you, everyone sees cheating as a different thing.
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So, I'm trying to find out what cheating is to you.
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Yeah, but if they know about it, then it's not cheating, isn't it?
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But, so my question is, like, so you did like a one-sided open relationship where it
00:12:31.000
So, I found that as a good excuse to cheat on them back.
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Like, if I said I'm in a relationship with someone, I'd be like, right, I'm in a
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And I'm like, right, I'm going back to Stefan now.
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Like, my girlfriends were so sly about it as well.
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Like, when it comes to dating, I'm like, super intelligent.
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So, I'm going to take pictures of people in a club.
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Well, obviously, if I go out, someone's going to take a photo of me.
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If they're asking me that question, I'm like, I'll wait for them to go out.
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And then I'll go and tag photos and stuff and see them in photos.
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I'm like, why are you taking photos and why are you even asking me?
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If someone asks you a direct question, you have a direct answer.
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So, then I sort of like, if you're asking me a question, then what's the reason that you're
00:13:57.000
So, it's like, when someone asks the whereabouts or why you're doing something, it's normally
00:14:08.000
So, they would be cheating with the guys they took pictures with?
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So, for example, they'd be like, why are you taking photos with someone?
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So, I'm like, if that's a problem to you, and you're doing it, then you must be cheating
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Like, then you're doing, you're hiding something.
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If I'm texting a girl mate, I'll just say it.
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Or, if I'm taking a phone, even if I've gone back to an after party and there's five,
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And the fact they've asked me, and I've told them, I'm like, why are you
00:15:02.000
Did you message the guys that she was taking pictures with?
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Like, because I've been in the limelight quite a while, they start messaging me.
00:15:22.000
And also, if they've been out, if an ex-girlfriend's been out on a night out or whatever, like,
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you can see who they've been with because they start following them and stuff.
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Like, if someone's been with someone, they've not said they've been with them.
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Like, if you ask someone to question, it's like, oh, who was you with?
00:16:01.000
The fact they didn't say that to you is cheating to me.
00:16:16.000
By that logic, if a girl lies about her body count, is it cheating?
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So, you're like, where's that 20 come from then?
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And I'm honest about it, it just makes me want to be dishonest going forward.
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But my thing with body count is, how can you ever really know who's telling the truth?
00:16:58.000
Yeah, but if you say, like, 10 and you're 30 years old, like, you know something to be...
00:17:02.000
Like, if I haven't started sleeping with people until I'm, like, 27, 28, then of course that number can be...
00:17:07.000
But what if you're with someone and you find out they've been with 12 people after?
00:17:16.000
I feel like that's quite a general thing to say.
00:17:19.000
I'm not saying it's 100%, but when women slip up, it always comes out.
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Yeah, look, the thing is, like, 2 off, 4, 5, 10, whatever, but when you're, like, 50 off, or 100, then there's a problem.
00:17:40.000
So if I was to say right now that my body count's 10...
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You wouldn't be able to know if I'm lying or not.
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Yeah, but I just think the truth comes out of people...
00:18:00.000
I'll give you an example, because, like, I've had hundreds of women come on the show.
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It's like, one girl will say something on the podcast, but eventually I hear about someone she's slept with.
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And then, like, some guy will be like, oh, I slept with that one, that one, that.
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But then when it's like three guys have the same story, you're like, okay, God.
00:19:04.000
Like, men lie more about their body count than women.
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So it's hard to know what body count you actually have.
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One, feminists have ruined, like, all data.
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I think women suffer more judgment from the guy.
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Because usually we presume that the guy is left with a lot of girls.
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So men lie about the money because guess what?
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We lie about the things that society finds important.
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And women lie about their body count because it works.
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00:21:03.000
In all honesty, I think women lie more because it's like we have the filters on Instagram.
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I mean, I guess in a way, yes, it's just more socially acceptable with women.
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However, there are a lot of guys, depending on the spectrum of guy that you're like talking
00:21:47.000
to or dealing with, they are very physically orientated.
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So they do go to the gym, whatever it takes to get that buff body.
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But they do added extras, but it's so subtle and it's not spoken about because it's the
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focus is mainly on women because the beauty industry is funneled for women.
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From personal experience, a man, all they want to do is have a hair transplant.
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They don't feel comfortable talking about it, but I do.
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All self-reported data about cheating, money or whatever we speak now are unreliable.
00:23:04.000
Yes, I have cheated before and I have been cheated as well.
00:23:10.000
Well, let's talk about the physical that we started now and then we will go farther.
00:23:17.000
Like how did you meet women you wanted to cheat with?
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I was just in the clubs every night and it was easy.
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Like she would like entering the house or something.
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No, I kicked them out and I stayed with you after.
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Did you ever have sex with one girl and then have sex with her right after?
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In your experience, do women stay after they're cheated on?
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00:24:31.000
If they respect themselves, they should just leave.
00:24:47.000
Did you ask them to stay or did they say, I want to stay?
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But do you ever, do you say, I won't do it again.
00:25:00.000
You're the one, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:25:14.000
So just because he said, I'm sorry, I won't do it again.
00:25:17.000
Just curious as to, are they so desperate to stay that they don't need any reassurance?
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Or are you coercing them into staying perhaps saying like, I will never.
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No, as in sort of saying, oh, you've caught me.
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So it's kind of lying to them, to engage in them.
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But women don't really care when they get cheated on.
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And I say this because if you look at their, look at it.
00:25:58.000
But when I look at actions, they typically stay.
00:26:07.000
But the reasons behind it, I mean, there's an evolutionary reason behind it.
00:26:21.000
We can try to say biology doesn't matter, but it does.
00:26:24.000
And it's because in the old days, if a guy could take care of other women and was selected
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by other women, that showed that he could take care of you too.
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And so that's why cheating, it's different for men and for women.
00:26:34.000
And in some cultures, they have multiple wives, which is technically.
00:26:43.000
And in some cultures, there's women who also have multiple husbands.
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8,000 years ago, 17 women were reproduced for every one man.
00:27:33.000
I feel like in society, just because one thing works for someone doesn't mean it works for
00:27:39.000
And I think the different tribes and the different, you know.
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We have to have a conversation about in generalities.
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Like we have to talk about the rule before we can talk about the exceptions.
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And the rule is women tend to stay more than they do.
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00:28:05.000
That means you've been seeing a lot of guys now.
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I've been interested for like four people, but real relationship only one person.
00:28:23.000
I'm saying when you're in a situationship, it's not.
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I wouldn't say situationship, but like you're getting, I was getting to know these people,
00:28:30.000
But the whole point is like, you didn't require exclusivity.
00:28:34.000
Meaning, he was proud, the reason women stay is because they can't replace the guy.
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But again, why is that because of financial hardship in society?
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It's literally less beneficial for a woman to leave a relationship than it is for a man.
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It's less beneficial for a woman to leave a relationship, but more women leave relationships.
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Even like you say all the time, 70% of divorces are by women.
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But again, why is it such a high number considering how much they lose in the relationship?
00:29:05.000
Does it not show that there's something missing there?
00:29:09.000
But I think it's because we've told women wrong.
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And so when women are unhappy, they leave relationships, even when there's children involved.
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00:29:24.000
You should be happy with the person that you're with.
00:29:26.000
You should feel supported by them emotionally, physically.
00:29:30.000
I think that's unrealistic in a 50 year marriage.
00:29:35.000
Do you really think that they were happy for 50 years?
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They've definitely done a little thing on the side.
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Did you know that in the 1950s, you know, the main era of stay at home moms and happy families
00:29:50.000
and all of that, there was like a known thing of those women being extremely unhappy
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because of the fact that they didn't have an out.
00:30:01.000
That's like, that's kind of the propaganda that they put.
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Most girls that I meet go, I want you to have enough money to have to work.
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I never say things unless I research it, you know.
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But here's the problem, is most of those studies, if you follow them back,
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it's by these like feminist gender studies professors that have gender.
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Feminists infiltrated universities in the 1970s and 80s,
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so much so that they made it more subjective rather than objective.
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And so the difference is now, it's like we have women running the universities
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and they even talk about how they rewrite history.
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If you can't trust anything that we find online, where can we actually find data to back the things that we say?
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And I think this is the difference between like the right and the left a lot of times.
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Like I think you learn over time, like which sources tend to be more credible.
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But in my experience, like I see what's in front of my eyes.
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Do you know, like sometimes they want to give you a study and say,
00:31:03.000
And I just don't see men being these crazy abusers that are just making women miserable.
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If anything, I see it the other way around much more.
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And I feel like just because you haven't seen this doesn't make it not true.
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Like it doesn't delete other people's experiences.
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There's hundreds of millions of women on this earth.
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And I guess if we're going to go off of abuse, then I want to see police reports.
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The majority of abuse claims are not filed in criminal court.
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I'm the first time I've experienced in this shit.
00:31:45.000
It's because in criminal court, it requires evidence.
00:31:49.000
And in family court, it's on a balance of probabilities.
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Meaning if it's 51% more likely that he did it, then they will take the woman's side.
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So if a woman cries on the stand, she only has to convince one judge.
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Where in criminal court, it's a jury of your peers, which is a lot harder to sway.
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And that, in my opinion, is why women do not file police reports.
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I think they don't file it because they're scared.
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I'm from Brazil and he has one of the highest rates of violence against women.
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I've done like charity work and working with women.
00:32:27.000
So depending, guys, look, it depends socioeconomically.
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What we're talking about is it depends on where you are.
00:32:39.000
Even on an international level, the issue is that they've switched to the Duluth model.
00:32:46.000
And one of them even admitted that it was not correct.
00:32:49.000
Like that the evidence that she was seeing working with women that had been abused
00:32:55.000
And basically the model that they made put men because they have more power.
00:33:02.000
Why do they call the police and they automatically arrest the man?
00:33:05.000
Even if the woman's hitting the man, it's because it's all based off of the Duluth model.
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I just noticed patterns and you see the same pattern.
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You're the number one swiped right man on Tinder, right?
00:33:24.000
They always do it to men with money, power, and status.
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And that's the problem with the abuse claims is that the system is so skewed one way
00:33:36.000
because it's all based on a feminist model that men have more power.
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00:33:54.000
Yeah, there's definitely women that could take men, you know, even football, sports,
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