00:00:00.000Okay, guys, guys, guys, I don't think you should be saying that, baby, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, okay, so, so, lady, lady, lady, if you interrupt me one more time, you're going, you're going, man's got his gloves on again, okay, um, so, so, guys, over the age of 50, would you rather be with a girl that's hot,
00:00:28.880submissive, and younger than you, um, or would you rather be by yourself? The first one, the first, yeah, okay, okay, like, the guys don't argue with this, it's easy, most people, I don't think guys want to be alone either, no, okay, um, what are you talking about, so, did you ever, did you tell me what you did to become traditional?
00:00:52.440I feel like you keep dodging, she didn't make them, she didn't give you a list, I keep dodging, I just don't know what you did, if you, you took cooking classes, you decided that you're going to do x, y, you gave up social media, what did you do?
00:01:03.940Like, yeah, did you, how do you explain the Holy Spirit, girl, you know, okay, so, this is, okay, so, this is what this sounds like to me, now, I'm not saying this is what happened to you, I'm saying this is, this is what it sounds like, so, I hear this, and I hear nothing,
00:01:20.040I got baptized, like, that's, that's what, like, that's what it sounds like, I got baptized, and now I'm traditional, but being, getting baptized doesn't make you traditional.
00:01:29.180No, I hear you, uh, yeah, it is, I, I think I, I started to explain it earlier a little bit when I, uh, was living in a Western, Western society, and transitioned there, I became more modern, but there's one thing, I remember my granddad, he was, um, he taught me from very young to not, this is why,
00:01:48.400Pearl, you made me share something that I never thought I would share in public, but you know what, now it's open, about, um, saving myself before marriage, so, this is the only thing I did, I used to smoke cigarettes, 20 cigarettes a day, I used to rebel in every way, but this is the only thing that I kept, because I thought, okay, if I'm going to give this up, I'm completely away from my family and everyone else,
00:02:10.440so, because my granddad and my, my parents instilled that from me, from young, I actually, the way I did it was wrong as well, because the way that you, you get this thought, it's like sex is bad, right, or, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but, uh, sex is bad, so this is, it was more like a fear-based,
00:02:25.740and that kept me away, which is not a healthy way, when I had an inner conviction after, um, it is changing my environment, it is wanting more, it is going into deep depression, searching, you know, you know, going up the career ladder as a modern woman, Miss Independent,
00:02:44.380and thinking that when you reach that level, you're going to be happy, and then later realizing you reach that level, and you're not happy, and that's when I started to ask questions, there is, there must be more, maybe I'm not an independent woman, maybe there is more,
00:02:57.920and it's by starting asking those questions, and, you know, just, um, searching for the truth, desperately, trying to go from one thing to the next, until I realized this is, it's my faith, it's the only thing that can give me full fulfillment, that's how I made the transition, it's just, you know, rock bottom.
00:03:13.380So you quit, you quit cigarettes, cigarettes, it sounds like you stopped going out?
00:03:18.200I, yeah, I used to live in London, um, I lived in the UK and travel, but, um, yeah, I used to live in London, the uni life, did the clubbing scene, uh, which is really tough as a, you know, when you don't go to the next step with a man, and it always felt wrong, even when I was rebelling, it always felt wrong, so.
00:04:18.420Um, it's actually not easy for me to answer that question.
00:04:23.220I don't know, because from what I experienced, I got married, I came from Iran to the UK, and then I got divorced.
00:04:32.140I had a daughter, I've been single mom for eight years, and I kind of feel like for the last, that eight years living with my daughter, um, it's kind of taught me a lot about being independent.
00:04:42.920I had to, um, so I kind of feel like I, um, my personality built up quite a lot, I mean, I felt like having a child, and because I've always been looked after by my, by my dad as a culture in Iran, and then I came here and got married, so I was working, but obviously I had my husband, so I think, um, so I kind of understand her in a way of tradition.
00:05:07.920Because when you live in that sort of country, that you've been brainwashed since you were a child, that, you know, when you go out, be careful, nobody should touch you, this, I mean, we have this in the UK as well, but you don't think that's a good thing?
00:05:20.700It's a good thing, because I'm teaching that to my daughter, but we've been brainwashed in a way of, we've been so scared, even when I had a boyfriend, I was like, I was not relaxed, so I couldn't go on holiday with him, because I was, I shouldn't sleep with him.
00:05:35.020Mm hmm. And it was so kind of like so confusing, because you, you've grew up in a different culture, completely different culture. And now when I'm watching my daughter at school, she's 16, she's a teenager, she's going out, she's going to like Brighton, she's going out with her friend, I invite her friends, whether girl or boy, it doesn't make any difference to me anymore, because I just learned from her, that girl and boy are not making any difference.
00:05:59.020Making any difference if you're, you know, going to school in the, you know, mixed school, but we never had that sort of things in Iran. So, um,
00:06:06.020Don't you, um, don't you think it's bad? Like, that's a good thing to have less sexual partners, though? Like, that doesn't seem like a bad, like you said brainwashed, like that was a bad thing.
00:06:15.020Brainwashed in a way of, um, when I say brainwashed, I don't mean like, you know, my parents keep telling me you shouldn't have, you know, sex with your boyfriend.
00:06:24.020I was not even allowed to have a boyfriend. That's a good thing. No, I don't think it's a good thing at all. Because how did you get married then?
00:06:32.020It was arranged. Oh, was it arranged? Yeah, it was arranged. And then you said you, you also, I noticed something you said, you said you, you had to be a single mother.
00:06:40.020Did he file for divorce? No, I filed it for divorce. So isn't that a choice then? Um, no, it was my choice. It was my choice. And I think if I was in Iran, I would have probably do it.
00:06:51.020I wouldn't do it because it was lots of family where, where, right. But, right. But when you said like you had to be a single, like you said you, you chose to be a single mother and you had to be independent.
00:07:01.020And so that's not, but that's not correct. It seems like unless there's some sort of abuse or something.
00:07:08.020Um, no, it wasn't abuse at all. We kind of got to an agreement because it's been, um, it was like two years that I wanted, I was thinking about divorce.
00:07:17.020And then I had a chat with my ex-husband and he didn't want to get divorced, but I wanted to because I didn't want to live.
00:07:23.020I didn't want to be living with someone who I am not, who I don't love anymore. So I just didn't want to.
00:07:29.020So like the feelings went away because did you love him before or did you never love him? Um, no, obviously I loved him.
00:07:35.020But I think, um, it was so many different things he told me because it was an arranged wedding and we kind of did online meeting because I was in Iran and he was in England.
00:07:44.020So he was telling me, for example, I'm very sporty and he was saying, I do horse riding, I do tennis, I do this, I do this.
00:07:51.020And you know, when I, when, when we were together, I was like, you said you're going to the gym every day and you're doing this and I was like, I never seen you out of the house.
00:08:00.020And he was literally going to work and coming back and sleeping on the sofa, watching TV.
00:08:04.020So that was my life. And I never chose to do that life because even when I was back in Iran, I was very sporty.
00:08:10.020I was very, you know, outgoing and I love friends. He never come out with my friends because he was thinking he was not social.
00:08:18.020But I didn't really know because we didn't really had a chance to go out before.
00:08:22.020Did you, did you know that before you had a kid?
00:08:33.020So basically because I was scared to tell my parents that I want to get divorced and I didn't have, I wasn't, I didn't have a child that time.
00:08:42.020And I was thinking for two years how to tell them that I don't want to live with him anymore.
00:08:47.020And I want to got, I want to get divorced.
00:09:00.020And then it's difficult to recognize whether I'm depressed and because of the depression and I'm lonely and I'm feeling, you know, out of my country.
00:09:37.020Like the, the, what I'm disagreeing on is when you said you had to be a single mother, like you had no choice in it when it seems like everything was your choice.
00:09:54.020So it's like kind of when we talk to the next generation, it's like, sorry, we make it seem like there was no choice when it was all your choice.
00:12:36.020That time when I got divorced, I felt like, oh, my God, maybe, maybe I shouldn't do it because of her.
00:12:41.020So everything was like, I shouldn't do it.
00:12:43.020That's why it took me two, three years to make a proper decision to, uh, you know, apply for divorce because I was, I understand that because I was so worried about my daughter.
00:12:53.020After my divorce, it took me 10 years after my splitting for my partner and have my daughter, um, that we, we chose to get divorced because we both had different partners.
00:13:05.020And I wanted the best for my daughter.
00:13:19.020Yeah, for a long time, for a long time.
00:13:21.020But I wanted the best for my daughter.
00:13:23.020I used to be able to go home to my partner's house and I'd stay with them and have Christmas dinner with them and I'd stay in my daughter's room.
00:13:31.020And I had the, you know, I can't say everyone would have this, but I was quite fortunate that I had that relationship because I wanted the best for my daughter.
00:13:39.020But do you not think the best for your daughter would have been to stay with her father?
00:13:42.020No, not if two people are not truly in love with each other and she sees us argue every day.
00:13:57.020Yes, when you have children and you get yourself into that position and you truly don't, you know, then you come back and let's have this podcast again.
00:14:05.020Let's answer that question again, because I don't think.
00:15:24.020I was very fortunate as well because Nedda's dad, my ex, he always...
00:15:28.020I mean, the first two, three years, obviously, because of divorce, we were going through, you know, madness up and down.
00:15:33.020But after two, three years that I settled down with her and he was saying, actually, I'm not divorced because I want to go around and look for boys.