JustPearlyThings - March 20, 2023


Toxic relationships stem from this

Topics
abusive relationship
Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
Mentioned
Aunt Jenny Pearl Ruby Bridges Melanie Meghan Markle Kevin Samuels Rosa Parks Auntie
Married man drops Red Pill truths Monkey branching from a woman’s perspective

Episode Stats


Length

13 minutes

Words per minute

202.12

Word count

2,827

Sentence count

270

Harmful content

Misogyny

10

sentences flagged

Toxicity

13

sentences flagged

Hate speech

13

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I speak to Melanie and Jenny, two women who share their experiences of growing up in a broken family and growing up with an emotionally abusive father. We discuss the importance of mentoring young women, how to spot the red flags and what to look out for in a potential partner.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Because you have that exposure.
00:00:01.840 And if you befriend these men, instead of making—a lot of women make them their enemy. 1.00
00:00:06.680 But a lot of these men will love you and give you advice and treat you with respect.
00:00:13.900 And if you brought a man in their direction and asked them advice, they would be happy to tell you the truth about that man.
00:00:21.240 But this is the thing.
00:00:22.120 A lot of women will hear the truth. 1.00
00:00:24.340 We will notice those red flags from our family and friends.
00:00:27.000 Or we know in our spirit that we're attracted to something, but we're not willing to step away.
00:00:33.040 There's a little bit of rebellion in us if we're honest.
00:00:35.820 We want what we want.
00:00:37.140 I'm grown.
00:00:37.900 I'm going to make my own choice.
00:00:39.480 But as you grow and as you get older, these are things that are going to be important.
00:00:43.700 Because you're going to tell your daughters or your children the same thing.
00:00:46.960 Or you may raise your sons to never victimize a woman.
00:00:49.920 You've got to know what that looks like.
00:00:57.000 I was going to say something, but it's just absolutely gone out of my head.
00:00:59.880 I just feel like me personally, I've been disadvantaged a bit growing up because I've never really felt like I have been protected by a man. 0.93
00:01:07.460 Again, I'm not trying to fucking victimize myself. 0.88
00:01:08.800 Do you not have a father for you? 0.98
00:01:11.520 I do, but he's just very distant.
00:01:15.500 I've never really had...
00:01:17.600 Did he not grow up with you separate?
00:01:20.120 So I lived with him in a split family from probably about 10 years old.
00:01:26.440 But he came from Sierra Leone and he didn't speak very well English.
00:01:31.880 He didn't know much about the Western culture and whatnot.
00:01:34.320 He was just very, again, emotionally distant.
00:01:37.140 He was a bit strict, but he never really taught me core values or what to see in a man.
00:01:41.820 He was a little bit abusive as well, which is, I think, one of the reasons why...
00:01:45.680 I wouldn't say I seek abusive men, but originally, now I've started looking into it, I spot the signs.
00:01:52.280 But originally, I'd be around either emotionally unavailable men or men that are abusive.
00:02:01.840 So I feel like I had a bit of disadvantage at that point.
00:02:04.460 Like you were saying earlier, like with the whole, when you grow up, being brought up to be a housewife, I'd never really got that.
00:02:12.380 So I feel like I've been disadvantaged in that sense.
00:02:15.300 But it's something that I'm currently working on and something that, like, obviously I'm currently healing myself before I get into another relationship
00:02:22.000 because I don't want to hurt myself again with a man that I feel does not deserve me.
00:02:28.840 But again, I just feel, like I said earlier, a bit disadvantaged in that sense.
00:02:33.400 But it's something that I need to...
00:02:35.400 And you said you were...
00:02:36.580 And you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to, so feel free to not answer any of this.
00:02:40.740 But you said you were 17.
00:02:44.040 How did you meet him?
00:02:45.700 Through work.
00:02:46.620 Through work.
00:02:47.200 And did he know you before that?
00:02:50.120 Yeah.
00:02:51.140 From what age?
00:02:52.780 Like 15.
00:02:53.880 Oh, wow.
00:02:55.080 Yeah.
00:02:56.100 Was he like a boss or something?
00:02:57.920 No, he just worked up my work.
00:03:01.220 MT, are you on decision?
00:03:02.160 Yeah, this is a type of conversation that I typically...
00:03:05.720 I think it's very important for the women to talk to the women regarding this conversation. 1.00
00:03:10.640 I kind of feel like I got a place and I got a turn in order to enter information.
00:03:13.840 But let me give you from my perspective something that I tell the men on my channel is that
00:03:17.260 when you're vetting a young woman, one of the first places that you should look at is the relationship between her father.
00:03:25.440 And you mentioned that you said that your father was abusive.
00:03:28.280 And one thing that we actually learned in the conversation earlier today is like, like attracts like.
00:03:35.660 And if your father was abusive, you are more likely to attract abuse going into the future.
00:03:42.780 And I think that it ranged true even within this conversation.
00:03:46.060 I think there was a lot of points that were made on both sides of the coin from both Melanie and Auntie Jenny that I think you should replay this video back.
00:03:56.280 At the end of the day, you have to be responsible for you.
00:04:01.620 And what you don't want to do is be a victim into your singleness, into your lonely forever.
00:04:08.720 And can I say this?
00:04:10.020 You know, it's a failure of us as older women that we should be, you know, being able to mentor young women who have gone through these things and being able to be a voice.
00:04:22.100 So many older women are competing. 1.00
00:04:24.940 They're taking the same thirst trapping photos and still doing the most, only care about themselves.
00:04:29.880 They don't care about their children.
00:04:31.600 They're looking for what's best for them.
00:04:33.980 But I think I'm 41.
00:04:35.480 You're 21.
00:04:36.140 We're 20 years apart.
00:04:37.040 And I was blessed where my, like, my sister and cousin flew out with me, like, on a dime because our father, you know, our families raised us where they have money.
00:04:47.220 We were able to do what we want.
00:04:49.460 We're black Americans, which is very rare.
00:04:52.240 Like, I was like, hey, I got to go for business.
00:04:54.240 Y'all want to go?
00:04:54.800 Hey, girl, let's go. 1.00
00:04:56.020 Like, my sister bought a travel agency just so we could travel and, like, get discounts.
00:05:00.080 Like, we're in those positions, and I say my sister is one of the people who's mentored me, like, just talking to her, but my family in general.
00:05:08.380 And I think, you know, if you want to hit me up, and this is how I was raised because my parents did a lot of church ministry and things.
00:05:15.200 But if you want to hit up and you want to talk to an older woman who's not like, I'm not your mother, I'm not going to, you know, but if you want to, you know, you know, just, you know, like, hey, can I, I don't know certain things.
00:05:30.980 And I think that we as older women have failed this generation of women, the younger women, and we take, I take accountability for that.
00:05:41.540 Not, you know, me specifically that I've done it, but in general, and even your mother allowing you to be raised by a man who victimized you and did not raise you, you know, in the way that you should go.
00:05:53.140 But you can change that, and you can have a great outcome.
00:05:56.320 Don't let this define you.
00:05:57.600 Let it be just a lesson to make it greater.
00:06:00.820 You know, I always say pain always leaves a gift.
00:06:05.580 Auntie's been holding up her hand.
00:06:07.120 I'm trying to be good just because you're here, right?
00:06:09.740 Just because you're here.
00:06:11.020 That's why I'm holding up my hand.
00:06:12.160 I'm not butting now.
00:06:12.780 You can go off, Auntie.
00:06:13.660 Go ahead.
00:06:13.980 I'm on my best.
00:06:14.620 No.
00:06:17.020 Melanie, as an older woman, and I'm older than you, the young people don't want to listen.
00:06:26.700 We're old school.
00:06:27.820 I agree.
00:06:28.300 So I'm sorry, but I don't take that.
00:06:30.300 I understand what you're saying, and from your point of view, I agree.
00:06:32.980 I'm tired of talking to young people because they don't want to listen. 1.00
00:06:35.680 So I'm not going to nice it up.
00:06:37.600 Pearl knows.
00:06:38.600 If Pearl wants advice and she can't get hold of her mother, Pearl will phone me.
00:06:42.140 I'm going to nice it up for Pearl.
00:06:43.400 I will tell her straight.
00:06:44.660 Is that true, Pearl?
00:06:45.920 I will tell Pearl.
00:06:46.780 Two o'clock in the morning, I'm going to tell her like it is.
00:06:49.520 I don't give a damn how she takes it.
00:06:51.580 You ask me a question. 0.57
00:06:52.820 I'm going to give you an answer.
00:06:54.140 I don't want to go around and I've been talking to young people. 1.00
00:06:57.980 I've been Auntie Jenny now for 37 years.
00:07:01.640 I've been Auntie Jenny.
00:07:02.880 Auntie Jenny is not a new thing.
00:07:04.920 I've got the young people now coming to me.
00:07:07.340 Oh, you know what you told them on your podcast?
00:07:09.460 You told me that when I was young.
00:07:10.940 Yeah, I did.
00:07:11.740 And you know what? 0.99
00:07:12.180 I've got to the point now where cut the crap. 0.99
00:07:14.600 You're going out there. 0.99
00:07:15.500 You're adults.
00:07:16.860 Things have changed now.
00:07:18.140 Things have moved on so much.
00:07:19.520 You're on Instagram.
00:07:20.540 You're on TikTok.
00:07:21.380 You're on this.
00:07:22.080 You're on that.
00:07:22.800 You've got your own job.
00:07:23.540 You're making your money.
00:07:24.460 And I'm supposed to feel so free because you've had a bad life.
00:07:26.840 I've had a bad life.
00:07:28.440 You know, if it was a man, they would say, man up.
00:07:31.420 Now, woman up. 1.00
00:07:33.160 I don't give a toss about what you're going through.
00:07:35.600 Because you know that you're in the UK now.
00:07:38.420 There's free therapy.
00:07:39.500 I've had it.
00:07:40.820 The first one didn't work.
00:07:41.960 I had a second one.
00:07:42.560 I had a third one.
00:07:43.200 I tried all different kinds until it worked.
00:07:45.240 So that's why I've got to the point where I am where I don't want to hear no excuses for the UK.
00:07:50.020 Because in the UK, they lay down.
00:07:52.340 They will lie down backwards to help you.
00:07:55.660 You want therapy?
00:07:56.820 It's there.
00:07:57.320 Whatever kind you want, it's there.
00:07:59.020 You're ill.
00:07:59.740 It's there.
00:08:00.060 Everything is free in the UK.
00:08:02.300 Education, everything is free.
00:08:03.840 So I can understand what you're saying from an American point of view.
00:08:07.340 But from England, I ain't taking no excuses.
00:08:10.040 I'm tired of talking to young people. 1.00
00:08:11.600 Because they will look at me and they will say, ah, this is what I've been told.
00:08:14.820 It's changed now.
00:08:15.960 You're old school.
00:08:16.920 Things are different.
00:08:17.620 But you know what?
00:08:18.460 You think things are different.
00:08:19.860 But deep inside, the body, the foundation of life is still there.
00:08:24.840 It's been going on and on and on.
00:08:26.300 So I'm tired of talking to young people in a way that, oh, yeah, let me be nice.
00:08:31.760 Yeah.
00:08:32.000 Let me soothe it for you.
00:08:33.540 No.
00:08:33.960 If it was a man, if a man comes to you and they say, oh, I'm feeling a bit depressed.
00:08:37.860 You say, come on.
00:08:39.480 Man up.
00:08:40.240 Man up.
00:08:40.980 So I've got to the point where if it's good enough for the goose, it's good enough for the gander.
00:08:44.840 I've taken no prisoners, no excuses.
00:08:47.240 If a man can man up, a woman can man up. 1.00
00:08:49.600 It's there for you.
00:08:50.840 So I ain't got no excuses.
00:08:51.940 You know what?
00:08:52.380 Because I'm the exception.
00:08:53.280 There's nothing that she ain't been through that I ain't been through 10 times worse.
00:08:57.040 She was lucky.
00:08:58.360 She come out of it without a child.
00:08:59.920 I come out of it 17 years old with a child.
00:09:02.640 And you know what?
00:09:03.320 One child I've still got, 37 years old.
00:09:05.780 And you know what?
00:09:06.960 Everybody looked down at me.
00:09:08.000 I didn't take no excuses.
00:09:09.760 I was in a abusive relationship when I had my son.
00:09:12.480 I got out of it less than a year.
00:09:14.000 I got out of it with a child.
00:09:15.840 I was on contraception because I'm an exception to every rule. 0.55
00:09:18.320 So if I can do it, I put it up in the notes.
00:09:20.340 You ask me for advice, I'm going to give it to you. 0.97
00:09:21.920 If you don't like it, piss off. 0.99
00:09:24.560 That's my view. 0.95
00:09:25.560 Your frustration right now is because of the rebellion.
00:09:28.220 No, it's the rebellion.
00:09:29.840 I'm just annoyed at the fact that we're going over the same things over and over and over
00:09:33.920 and over and over again, trying to make it nice for the young modern women.
00:09:38.260 Life ain't nice.
00:09:39.880 Life ain't nice.
00:09:41.080 Life is character building.
00:09:42.540 Whatever happens to you, spin it on its head and make it build you.
00:09:45.840 Make you a stronger person.
00:09:47.820 There's help out there.
00:09:48.560 Go and get it.
00:09:49.020 Everywhere you go, in England now, you watch a soap in England.
00:09:53.400 They had a soap the other day about men because they now decide that men's mental health matters
00:09:57.000 at the end of every soap.
00:09:59.040 And every English person will tell you there's a phone number.
00:10:02.120 If this has affected you or you have something similar, phone this number.
00:10:06.240 You will get help.
00:10:07.140 That is in England.
00:10:08.180 So because all the help is out there, I don't want to hear it. 1.00
00:10:10.500 It's bullshit. 0.99
00:10:11.020 Instead, they want to watch the Kardashians and Bad Girls Club and they digest toxicity. 0.99
00:10:17.940 And one of the things I would say, Aunt Jenny, you're correct, because one of the things I
00:10:21.860 would say, and you guys have got to understand her perspective and don't take it as though
00:10:26.460 she's been harsh or whatever.
00:10:28.200 Like, we live in a very soft generation.
00:10:32.260 Like, if you, I don't know how it was, I do know how it was in the U.K., but if you understand
00:10:36.380 what people went through in the U.S., I always bring up Meghan Markle compared to Ruby Bridges. 1.00
00:10:41.780 Meghan Markle, they're going on the worldwide privacy tour, complaining.
00:10:45.540 I lived in the castle.
00:10:47.020 My brother got the biggest size of the room and all this other stuff.
00:10:50.320 I came, my first time in the U.K. was to go to that wedding because I was proud of the
00:10:55.420 situation and I thought it was something great.
00:10:57.440 But as I started to see the complaining, I said, Ruby Bridges in the U.S., there was 0.97
00:11:02.380 segregation between black and white people in school.
00:11:05.360 Ruby Bridges was a seven-year-old little girl.
00:11:07.560 She was the first black girl to ever go into a white school in the entire U.S.
00:11:11.720 If you look back at the documentaries, what she went through, black people, particularly 0.92
00:11:15.520 in the U.S., during segregation, she stood what we call ten toes down harder than Meghan 1.00
00:11:21.520 Markle because some press didn't like her.
00:11:23.560 It was a little girl who stood harder, and you've never heard Ruby Bridges say a word.
00:11:28.140 Okay?
00:11:28.480 Rosa Parks, you know, people who went through real oppression.
00:11:32.360 But it can be the victim Olympics.
00:11:34.600 Every person, everything that you went through, somebody went through a thousand times worse
00:11:39.940 if you look through history.
00:11:41.660 But this is the thing.
00:11:43.120 This is the thing.
00:11:43.640 It is a failure right now because many of us, we're so much into our feelings, my truth,
00:11:50.160 what is about me.
00:11:51.220 It is such a self-indulgent culture.
00:11:53.640 We don't care about the family.
00:11:55.120 It's about me, my body, my choice.
00:11:57.800 So you can't say my body, my choice, but yet I was victimized by a man.
00:12:02.320 So, like, is it you want sympathy to say, well, I was victimized, but, hey, it was your body,
00:12:07.860 your choice.
00:12:08.500 So there are these opposing things.
00:12:10.620 The only thing I say is that if we can come to—I feel like not everyone's going to change.
00:12:19.840 I go with the 10%. 0.97
00:12:21.320 I go with there are people who will stay hard-headed, stay in rebellion, stay in pride, and want what they want, lust, greed, and whatever.
00:12:29.480 And you're going to get the results of that.
00:12:31.540 But if I can—if what you just said, what I said, the combination of these things, if we can, like, talk to these young women and say,
00:12:39.040 I understand, let me, like, maybe mentor you.
00:12:43.180 I still think there's a responsibility of us as older women to mentor.
00:12:46.320 Now, if you have a mentee that's hard-headed and still want to run the streets, still making the same choice, you got to go.
00:12:52.960 You're going to face those consequences I don't hear.
00:12:55.040 But I will tell you, there are women like my mother who—it wasn't her choice.
00:12:58.880 It wasn't her fault.
00:13:00.120 She made a choice.
00:13:01.080 She decided to change.
00:13:02.180 She listened to these nuns after she was thrown out.
00:13:04.880 If you continue to be hard-headed, you have to understand life is going to throw you horrific consequences.
00:13:12.800 If you don't listen to a woman like Aunt Jenny, you think she's just popping off and she don't understand. 0.61
00:13:17.380 If you don't take the time to understand, you want to be—you want direction.
00:13:21.240 You don't let her guide you because you don't like the tone.
00:13:24.140 This is what Kevin Samuels—he was a friend of mine.
00:13:26.240 They didn't like his tone.
00:13:27.600 But now all of a sudden they do because they realize they're not getting the results.
00:13:30.540 And the same thing that you're saying, they don't like your tone, but you're fed up because you'll give them—you've given the soft tone.
00:13:37.020 You've tried everything, and they don't want to listen.
00:13:39.280 So y'all have to understand there's two sides to this coin.
00:13:43.340 And let me know I was just banned on TikTok, and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
00:13:50.900 If you want to help, please consider sending a super thanks below.
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