00:00:39.480But as you grow and as you get older, these are things that are going to be important.
00:00:43.700Because you're going to tell your daughters or your children the same thing.
00:00:46.960Or you may raise your sons to never victimize a woman.
00:00:49.920You've got to know what that looks like.
00:00:57.000I was going to say something, but it's just absolutely gone out of my head.
00:00:59.880I just feel like me personally, I've been disadvantaged a bit growing up because I've never really felt like I have been protected by a man.
00:01:07.460Again, I'm not trying to fucking victimize myself.
00:01:20.120So I lived with him in a split family from probably about 10 years old.
00:01:26.440But he came from Sierra Leone and he didn't speak very well English.
00:01:31.880He didn't know much about the Western culture and whatnot.
00:01:34.320He was just very, again, emotionally distant.
00:01:37.140He was a bit strict, but he never really taught me core values or what to see in a man.
00:01:41.820He was a little bit abusive as well, which is, I think, one of the reasons why...
00:01:45.680I wouldn't say I seek abusive men, but originally, now I've started looking into it, I spot the signs.
00:01:52.280But originally, I'd be around either emotionally unavailable men or men that are abusive.
00:02:01.840So I feel like I had a bit of disadvantage at that point.
00:02:04.460Like you were saying earlier, like with the whole, when you grow up, being brought up to be a housewife, I'd never really got that.
00:02:12.380So I feel like I've been disadvantaged in that sense.
00:02:15.300But it's something that I'm currently working on and something that, like, obviously I'm currently healing myself before I get into another relationship
00:02:22.000because I don't want to hurt myself again with a man that I feel does not deserve me.
00:02:28.840But again, I just feel, like I said earlier, a bit disadvantaged in that sense.
00:03:02.160Yeah, this is a type of conversation that I typically...
00:03:05.720I think it's very important for the women to talk to the women regarding this conversation.
00:03:10.640I kind of feel like I got a place and I got a turn in order to enter information.
00:03:13.840But let me give you from my perspective something that I tell the men on my channel is that
00:03:17.260when you're vetting a young woman, one of the first places that you should look at is the relationship between her father.
00:03:25.440And you mentioned that you said that your father was abusive.
00:03:28.280And one thing that we actually learned in the conversation earlier today is like, like attracts like.
00:03:35.660And if your father was abusive, you are more likely to attract abuse going into the future.
00:03:42.780And I think that it ranged true even within this conversation.
00:03:46.060I think there was a lot of points that were made on both sides of the coin from both Melanie and Auntie Jenny that I think you should replay this video back.
00:03:56.280At the end of the day, you have to be responsible for you.
00:04:01.620And what you don't want to do is be a victim into your singleness, into your lonely forever.
00:04:10.020You know, it's a failure of us as older women that we should be, you know, being able to mentor young women who have gone through these things and being able to be a voice.
00:04:37.040And I was blessed where my, like, my sister and cousin flew out with me, like, on a dime because our father, you know, our families raised us where they have money.
00:04:56.020Like, my sister bought a travel agency just so we could travel and, like, get discounts.
00:05:00.080Like, we're in those positions, and I say my sister is one of the people who's mentored me, like, just talking to her, but my family in general.
00:05:08.380And I think, you know, if you want to hit me up, and this is how I was raised because my parents did a lot of church ministry and things.
00:05:15.200But if you want to hit up and you want to talk to an older woman who's not like, I'm not your mother, I'm not going to, you know, but if you want to, you know, you know, just, you know, like, hey, can I, I don't know certain things.
00:05:30.980And I think that we as older women have failed this generation of women, the younger women, and we take, I take accountability for that.
00:05:41.540Not, you know, me specifically that I've done it, but in general, and even your mother allowing you to be raised by a man who victimized you and did not raise you, you know, in the way that you should go.
00:05:53.140But you can change that, and you can have a great outcome.
00:12:21.320I go with there are people who will stay hard-headed, stay in rebellion, stay in pride, and want what they want, lust, greed, and whatever.
00:12:29.480And you're going to get the results of that.
00:12:31.540But if I can—if what you just said, what I said, the combination of these things, if we can, like, talk to these young women and say,
00:12:39.040I understand, let me, like, maybe mentor you.
00:12:43.180I still think there's a responsibility of us as older women to mentor.
00:12:46.320Now, if you have a mentee that's hard-headed and still want to run the streets, still making the same choice, you got to go.
00:12:52.960You're going to face those consequences I don't hear.
00:12:55.040But I will tell you, there are women like my mother who—it wasn't her choice.