JustPearlyThings - May 22, 2023


Traditional Muslim Gets Corrupted By The West


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

209.53928

Word Count

1,892

Sentence Count

1

Misogynist Sentences

4

Hate Speech Sentences

3


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 what would you what would you give up for the right guy um it's actually not easy for me to
00:00:07.600 answer that question i don't know because from what i experienced because i got married i um
00:00:13.840 came from iran to the uk and then i got divorced i had a daughter i've been single mom for eight
00:00:20.080 years and i kind of feel like for the last that eight years living with my daughter um it's kind
00:00:25.760 of taught me a lot about being independent i had to so i kind of feel like i um my personality
00:00:33.600 built up quite a lot i mean i felt like having a child and because i've always been looked after
00:00:40.080 but my by my dad as a culture in iran and then i came here and got married so i was working but
00:00:46.320 obviously i had my husband so i think um so i kind of understand her in a way of tradition because
00:00:53.920 when you live in that sort of country that you've been brainwashed since it was you were a child
00:00:58.720 that you know when you go out be careful nobody should touch you this i mean we have this in the
00:01:03.120 uk as well but you don't think that's a good thing it's a good thing because i'm teaching that to my
00:01:07.840 daughter but we've been brainwashed in a way of we've been so scared even when i had a boyfriend
00:01:13.760 i was like i was not relaxed so i couldn't go on holiday with him because i was i shouldn't sleep
00:01:19.840 with him and it was so kind of like so confusing because you you grew up in a different culture
00:01:26.240 completely different culture and now when i'm watching my daughter at school she's six she's 16
00:01:30.960 she's a teenager she's going out she's going to like brighton she's going out with her friend
00:01:36.480 i invite her friends whether girl or boy it doesn't make any difference to me anymore because i just
00:01:41.680 learned from her that girl and boy are not making any difference if you are you know going to school
00:01:46.800 into you know mixed school but we never had that sort of things in iran so um don't you um don't
00:01:52.720 you think it's bad like that's a good thing to have less sexual partners though like that doesn't
00:01:57.280 seem like a bad like you said brainwashed like that was a bad thing in a way of um when i say brainwashed
00:02:02.880 i don't mean like you know my parents keep telling me you shouldn't have you know sex with your boyfriend
00:02:09.680 i was not even allowed to have a boyfriend that's a good thing no i don't think it's a good thing at
00:02:15.040 all because so how did you get married then it was arranged i wasn't arranged yeah it was arranged
00:02:20.240 and then you said you you also i noticed something you said you said you you had to be a single
00:02:24.880 mother did he file for divorce no i i filed it for divorce so isn't that a choice then um no it was my
00:02:31.920 choice it was my choice and i think if i was in iran i would probably do it i wouldn't do it because
00:02:38.480 it was lots of family where we're right but right but when you said like you had to be a single like
00:02:43.840 you said you you chose to be a single mother and you had to be independent and so that's not but
00:02:48.880 that's not correct it seems like unless there's some sort of abuse or something um no it wasn't
00:02:55.520 abuse at all we kind of got to an agreement because it's been um it was like two years that i wanted i
00:03:01.600 was thinking about divorce and then i had a chat with my ex-husband and he didn't want to get divorced
00:03:06.640 but i wanted to because i didn't want to live i did didn't want to be living with someone who i am not
00:03:11.840 i don't love anymore so i just didn't want to like the feelings went away because did you love him
00:03:18.000 before or did you never love him um no obviously i loved him but i think um it was so many different
00:03:23.440 things he told me because he was an arranged wedding and we kind of did online at meeting because i was
00:03:29.040 in iran and he was in england so he was telling me for example i'm very sporty and he was saying i do
00:03:34.320 horse riding i do tennis i do this i do this and you know when i when when we were together i was like
00:03:39.920 you said you're going to the gym every day and you're doing this and i was like i never seen
00:03:44.480 you out of the house and he was literally going to work and coming back and sleeping on the sofa
00:03:49.440 watching tv so that was my life and i never chose to do that life because even when i was back in iran
00:03:55.040 i was very sporty i was very you know outgoing and i love friends he never come out with my friends
00:04:00.800 because he was thinking he was not social but i didn't really know because we didn't really had a
00:04:06.000 chance to go out did you did you know that before you had a kid um yeah yeah okay so then why why did
00:04:12.800 you keep going if you you got because you know that's a very good question why did you keep going
00:04:16.560 and then have the kid if you do that's a very good question so basically because i was scared to tell
00:04:20.720 my parents that i want to get divorced and i didn't have i i wasn't i didn't have a child that time
00:04:27.680 and i was thinking for two years how to tell them that i don't want to live with him anymore and i want to
00:04:32.880 god i want to get divorced yeah but and you know what they were telling me i think the reason is
00:04:37.360 because you're very lonely because obviously it was difficult for me to come from iran which i had
00:04:42.160 no friends i had no one here and i only had him and then it's difficult to um recognize whether i'm depressed
00:04:51.600 and because of the depression and i'm lonely and i'm feeling uh you know out of my country i don't
00:04:56.720 have my family i don't have my friends i don't have anyone and i was so depressed i felt like
00:05:01.360 could it be my depression that i don't love him anymore i don't want to be with him anymore
00:05:05.600 or maybe maybe if i was older and i was more aware of what's happening if i had some you know
00:05:12.720 more experienced friends telling me go to a psychologist go to a coach and see what is wrong
00:05:17.280 with you maybe there's something wrong with you but it was i didn't have any of those no and and i
00:05:22.000 understand what you're saying like the the what i'm disagreeing on is when you said you had to be
00:05:27.840 a single mother like you had no choice in it when it seems like everything yeah no like you had to
00:05:33.600 be independent but it seems like you chose to be independent i chose to be independent right so so
00:05:39.360 it's like kind of when we talk to the next generation it's like sorry we make it seem like there was no
00:05:44.160 choice when it was all your choice no actually you're right it was my choice so i i got divorced
00:05:49.760 without telling my parents um and i got pregnant because it was um i just thought my mom kept telling me
00:05:57.520 um you know you you need to have a child maybe you won't be lonely and then you know just don't
00:06:02.160 because they don't that time they never wanted me me or even my sister to get divorced i mean it was
00:06:09.040 i brought up in a very traditional family do you have a daughter or son daughter daughter was that hard
00:06:13.760 on her her parents getting how old was she when you guys got divorced three three years old yeah so
00:06:19.040 luckily she was very young to completely understand what is going on but i i i guess obviously she she got
00:06:26.320 hurt a few times especially when we were having do you think that you're the culture that you come
00:06:31.440 from yeah is what gave you that fear of not wanting to tell your mom your dad 100 do you think if you
00:06:38.240 were still in that culture that you'd still be married yeah and i'm so happy that i break the ice
00:06:44.800 and i kind of like in my family i think probably i'm the only one did that and after that actually my
00:06:51.360 cousins got divorced it's kind of like become more yeah would you say it's fair to say that women
00:06:57.360 single women kind of get help others in divorce like you sort of inspired that divorce or no
00:07:03.040 is that not fair to say um you mean you i inspired people to get divorced yeah that's what you mean
00:07:09.920 i've just noticed in like um friend groups that it's like one gets divorced and the other than the
00:07:14.480 other it seems like it's almost i thought i i i i experienced that i don't know with me if my friends
00:07:21.760 got divorced after me i i don't think so but i think so many people say when a friend get divorced
00:07:27.840 normally people like oh if she can do it probably i can do it and to be honest so many girls they want
00:07:34.720 to get divorced but they want because of so many things it can't be just isn't that a good thing
00:07:39.840 to be honest i i prefer to be single than being in a really sad relationship even if i have children
00:07:48.800 yeah that's what i think yeah like but to me it's like isn't the kids feelings more and i'm not even
00:07:53.520 trying to shame you i'm just like wondering what your mindset was yeah because in my head it's like
00:07:57.920 the kid is more important than my feelings like what made you consider your feelings before the kid um i i
00:08:03.920 still um even though i might look everyone's saying you look so you know you're proud of what you've
00:08:10.000 done and that time i couldn't say that so i was living with my regret because of my daughter not
00:08:17.600 regret but kind of like shame it's a better word for me to use it that time when i got divorced i
00:08:22.960 felt like oh my god maybe maybe i shouldn't do it because of her so everything was like i shouldn't do
00:08:28.000 it that's why it took me two three years to make a proper decision to you know apply for
00:08:33.760 divorce because i was i understand that because i was so worried about my daughter you know i was
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