JustPearlyThings - May 22, 2023


Traditional Muslim Gets Corrupted By The West


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

209.53928

Word count

1,892

Sentence count

1

Harmful content

Misogyny

4

sentences flagged

Hate speech

3

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode I speak to a single mum who has been a single mother for 8 years. She shares her experience of being a single mom and how it has shaped her life and how she has dealt with the challenges she has faced.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 what would you what would you give up for the right guy um it's actually not easy for me to
00:00:07.600 answer that question i don't know because from what i experienced because i got married i um
00:00:13.840 came from iran to the uk and then i got divorced i had a daughter i've been single mom for eight
00:00:20.080 years and i kind of feel like for the last that eight years living with my daughter um it's kind
00:00:25.760 of taught me a lot about being independent i had to so i kind of feel like i um my personality
00:00:33.600 built up quite a lot i mean i felt like having a child and because i've always been looked after
00:00:40.080 but my by my dad as a culture in iran and then i came here and got married so i was working but
00:00:46.320 obviously i had my husband so i think um so i kind of understand her in a way of tradition because
00:00:53.920 when you live in that sort of country that you've been brainwashed since it was you were a child
00:00:58.720 that you know when you go out be careful nobody should touch you this i mean we have this in the
00:01:03.120 uk as well but you don't think that's a good thing it's a good thing because i'm teaching that to my
00:01:07.840 daughter but we've been brainwashed in a way of we've been so scared even when i had a boyfriend
00:01:13.760 i was like i was not relaxed so i couldn't go on holiday with him because i was i shouldn't sleep
00:01:19.840 with him and it was so kind of like so confusing because you you grew up in a different culture
00:01:26.240 completely different culture and now when i'm watching my daughter at school she's six she's 16
00:01:30.960 she's a teenager she's going out she's going to like brighton she's going out with her friend
00:01:36.480 i invite her friends whether girl or boy it doesn't make any difference to me anymore because i just
00:01:41.680 learned from her that girl and boy are not making any difference if you are you know going to school
00:01:46.800 into you know mixed school but we never had that sort of things in iran so um don't you um don't
00:01:52.720 you think it's bad like that's a good thing to have less sexual partners though like that doesn't
00:01:57.280 seem like a bad like you said brainwashed like that was a bad thing in a way of um when i say brainwashed
00:02:02.880 i don't mean like you know my parents keep telling me you shouldn't have you know sex with your boyfriend 0.92
00:02:09.680 i was not even allowed to have a boyfriend that's a good thing no i don't think it's a good thing at
00:02:15.040 all because so how did you get married then it was arranged i wasn't arranged yeah it was arranged
00:02:20.240 and then you said you you also i noticed something you said you said you you had to be a single
00:02:24.880 mother did he file for divorce no i i filed it for divorce so isn't that a choice then um no it was my
00:02:31.920 choice it was my choice and i think if i was in iran i would probably do it i wouldn't do it because
00:02:38.480 it was lots of family where we're right but right but when you said like you had to be a single like
00:02:43.840 you said you you chose to be a single mother and you had to be independent and so that's not but
00:02:48.880 that's not correct it seems like unless there's some sort of abuse or something um no it wasn't
00:02:55.520 abuse at all we kind of got to an agreement because it's been um it was like two years that i wanted i
00:03:01.600 was thinking about divorce and then i had a chat with my ex-husband and he didn't want to get divorced
00:03:06.640 but i wanted to because i didn't want to live i did didn't want to be living with someone who i am not
00:03:11.840 i don't love anymore so i just didn't want to like the feelings went away because did you love him
00:03:18.000 before or did you never love him um no obviously i loved him but i think um it was so many different
00:03:23.440 things he told me because he was an arranged wedding and we kind of did online at meeting because i was
00:03:29.040 in iran and he was in england so he was telling me for example i'm very sporty and he was saying i do
00:03:34.320 horse riding i do tennis i do this i do this and you know when i when when we were together i was like
00:03:39.920 you said you're going to the gym every day and you're doing this and i was like i never seen
00:03:44.480 you out of the house and he was literally going to work and coming back and sleeping on the sofa
00:03:49.440 watching tv so that was my life and i never chose to do that life because even when i was back in iran
00:03:55.040 i was very sporty i was very you know outgoing and i love friends he never come out with my friends
00:04:00.800 because he was thinking he was not social but i didn't really know because we didn't really had a
00:04:06.000 chance to go out did you did you know that before you had a kid um yeah yeah okay so then why why did
00:04:12.800 you keep going if you you got because you know that's a very good question why did you keep going
00:04:16.560 and then have the kid if you do that's a very good question so basically because i was scared to tell
00:04:20.720 my parents that i want to get divorced and i didn't have i i wasn't i didn't have a child that time
00:04:27.680 and i was thinking for two years how to tell them that i don't want to live with him anymore and i want to
00:04:32.880 god i want to get divorced yeah but and you know what they were telling me i think the reason is
00:04:37.360 because you're very lonely because obviously it was difficult for me to come from iran which i had
00:04:42.160 no friends i had no one here and i only had him and then it's difficult to um recognize whether i'm depressed
00:04:51.600 and because of the depression and i'm lonely and i'm feeling uh you know out of my country i don't
00:04:56.720 have my family i don't have my friends i don't have anyone and i was so depressed i felt like
00:05:01.360 could it be my depression that i don't love him anymore i don't want to be with him anymore
00:05:05.600 or maybe maybe if i was older and i was more aware of what's happening if i had some you know
00:05:12.720 more experienced friends telling me go to a psychologist go to a coach and see what is wrong
00:05:17.280 with you maybe there's something wrong with you but it was i didn't have any of those no and and i
00:05:22.000 understand what you're saying like the the what i'm disagreeing on is when you said you had to be
00:05:27.840 a single mother like you had no choice in it when it seems like everything yeah no like you had to 1.00
00:05:33.600 be independent but it seems like you chose to be independent i chose to be independent right so so
00:05:39.360 it's like kind of when we talk to the next generation it's like sorry we make it seem like there was no
00:05:44.160 choice when it was all your choice no actually you're right it was my choice so i i got divorced
00:05:49.760 without telling my parents um and i got pregnant because it was um i just thought my mom kept telling me
00:05:57.520 um you know you you need to have a child maybe you won't be lonely and then you know just don't
00:06:02.160 because they don't that time they never wanted me me or even my sister to get divorced i mean it was
00:06:09.040 i brought up in a very traditional family do you have a daughter or son daughter daughter was that hard
00:06:13.760 on her her parents getting how old was she when you guys got divorced three three years old yeah so 1.00
00:06:19.040 luckily she was very young to completely understand what is going on but i i i guess obviously she she got
00:06:26.320 hurt a few times especially when we were having do you think that you're the culture that you come
00:06:31.440 from yeah is what gave you that fear of not wanting to tell your mom your dad 100 do you think if you
00:06:38.240 were still in that culture that you'd still be married yeah and i'm so happy that i break the ice
00:06:44.800 and i kind of like in my family i think probably i'm the only one did that and after that actually my
00:06:51.360 cousins got divorced it's kind of like become more yeah would you say it's fair to say that women 1.00
00:06:57.360 single women kind of get help others in divorce like you sort of inspired that divorce or no 1.00
00:07:03.040 is that not fair to say um you mean you i inspired people to get divorced yeah that's what you mean
00:07:09.920 i've just noticed in like um friend groups that it's like one gets divorced and the other than the
00:07:14.480 other it seems like it's almost i thought i i i i experienced that i don't know with me if my friends
00:07:21.760 got divorced after me i i don't think so but i think so many people say when a friend get divorced
00:07:27.840 normally people like oh if she can do it probably i can do it and to be honest so many girls they want 1.00
00:07:34.720 to get divorced but they want because of so many things it can't be just isn't that a good thing
00:07:39.840 to be honest i i prefer to be single than being in a really sad relationship even if i have children
00:07:48.800 yeah that's what i think yeah like but to me it's like isn't the kids feelings more and i'm not even
00:07:53.520 trying to shame you i'm just like wondering what your mindset was yeah because in my head it's like
00:07:57.920 the kid is more important than my feelings like what made you consider your feelings before the kid um i i
00:08:03.920 still um even though i might look everyone's saying you look so you know you're proud of what you've
00:08:10.000 done and that time i couldn't say that so i was living with my regret because of my daughter not
00:08:17.600 regret but kind of like shame it's a better word for me to use it that time when i got divorced i
00:08:22.960 felt like oh my god maybe maybe i shouldn't do it because of her so everything was like i shouldn't do
00:08:28.000 it that's why it took me two three years to make a proper decision to you know apply for
00:08:33.760 divorce because i was i understand that because i was so worried about my daughter you know i was
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