Traditional wives VS Modern wives CLASHED on The Show
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Summary
In this episode I speak to three women who have never been in a traditional relationship and discuss what it's like being in a modern relationship and how they've dealt with modern dating and what they've learnt from it.
Transcript
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is can can modern relationships work so uh my question is for do you for the single people
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have you ever been in a traditional relationship or and people in a relation sorry for the people
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in a relationship are you in a traditional relationship and for the single people have
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you ever been in a traditional relationship and how did you like it well sorry what do you mean
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by traditional um just like what you think of when you think of like like the man's pays for
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everything he he leads you follow like that sort of thing okay do you want me to answer that um yes
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well yeah why don't we start here and then go around yeah sorry um
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i i guess yes in some aspects like he would lead and i would follow um he paid
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yeah he paid for everything unless like i offered and said oh i've got it this time
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um that's either i guess as traditional because we didn't live together and honestly
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we weren't married so okay okay what about you i don't think i have been in a traditional relationship
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as such but it was all very 50 50 he didn't really lead much so yeah i don't think i have no okay
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no never been the traditional relationship no okay um yes so i'm married and i um i hesitate because
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we have a blended family so it's not traditional in a sense of like nuclear uh we got together and had
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babies um but we had children before we got together and got married and now we're a blended family
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um but um in a sense of like roles um yes i am i am a traditional wire and yeah i follow his lead and
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um i've been married before so i'm divorced but i wasn't in a traditional marriage or relationship
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um what made it not traditional um i guess i was in my masculine energy and i i was doing everything
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essentially and he was um not really the man that i i want um that i now want you know after some
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searching and understanding what my role is as a woman what i would ideally like from a man and
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what they want from women more importantly um so yeah that's what when you say in your masculine
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what do you mean by that um so i made the decisions for the family oh okay um financially
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and more um just everything really i just kind of felt like
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uh i mean i don't want to be too disrespectful here because you know he's the father of my kid
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and um there's certain boundaries that you don't talk about on there but i i was in my masculine energy
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okay okay go ahead um i think to an extent my relationship was quite traditional but i think when
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it comes to like personality and stuff i think i was more of the domineering character compared to him
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mm-hmm so i would say in that sense i kind of witnessed that i was more of the leader than he
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was and i think that's probably why like things didn't really work out between us but yeah
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andy i think um the relationship i'm in now yeah he leads but i think previous relationship i've
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tried to make them lead and they've been able to so i just had to go
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just forcing them to lead because some men just don't want to lead some men just don't know how
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to lead or they can't yeah the one i've got now he can he does so for the girls that said because i
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think you two said you've never been in a traditional relationship do you guys enjoy did you enjoy being
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in a more modern relationship do you want to answer that first definitely not no i'm very i'm quite old
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school even though i'm young like i've got quite old soul and i've always wanted you know just to be
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one man for my whole life and it just wasn't that he wasn't giving me that he wasn't really
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at the beginning he was putting in a lot of effort but towards the end it wasn't really there
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what was it like being in a modern relationship did you enjoy it
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and is that something you'd want in the future sorry i think these questions
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it's such a broad question elements of it i enjoyed however i don't know i feel like um
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so my biggest fear my biggest fear is financially depending on somebody
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it's my it terrifies me i never ever ever want to co-own a home with someone
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i never want to come in a business with someone i never want to be financially tied to a man
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because i've seen so many women in my life be absolutely dictated financially by men
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there's no hate on men men are wonderful i know some amazing men
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but no one's ever made me feel safe enough to embrace my feminine side with a man
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which is why i've always had my own businesses i have my own car
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getting a bit emotional yeah i can hear it yeah
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my ex committed identity theft fraud against me with his mom
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that's what my ep is about i'm not even using that as an excuse to plug myself i'm just being
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transparent because it justifies i don't trust anyone to take care of me i got this
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and until i meet someone that makes me feel safe enough emotionally spiritually and physically
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then i will consider being in a traditional relationship
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i'm good i'm not even crying thank you thank you though thanks um do you think that's going to be
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hard for the for the next guy yeah because it's like he kind of has to deal with the mistakes of
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like your past in a way yeah you know it already has been hard for the next guy and the guy after
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that and the guy after that not that not that i'm you know moving about in different ways but you know
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i go out a lot i have a very social job like i perform for a living i sing so i meet a lot of
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people and i've met some wonderful people but there's something within me that's just like but can i trust you
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have i known you long enough because the guy that was with last time was one of my best friends
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and i knew him for a couple of years before i was with him and then to do that and other things
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which i can't discuss i'm like well who can i trust so can i ask a question do you at what point do you
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think you need to do some healing i you know the sad and i don't mean that disrespectfully i hope you
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no i don't take it disrespectfully the bad the sad thing is i've already done so much healing
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with all due respect it doesn't sound like it i know i know what healing have you done do you know
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i ran to the other side of the world i just got back from australia i spent six weeks
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traveling around australia and this is because when i broke up with him after i found out about the
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fraud other women from his past were coming forward to me messaging me and these are women
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that he smear campaigns saying that one's uh used to beat me up she was a drug addict she was an
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alcoholic so i blocked them all thinking it was true and out of curiosity i unblocked them because
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i knew they were trying to reach out to me and one by one they slowly came forward to me with their
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screenshots and their truths and their lovely educated women and it frightened me because i
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was sharing a bed with this person you know i was living with him i was running a business from his
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home and all of a sudden i'm discovering all of these things i i had no idea he was capable of and
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they're such nice women they're my friends now they help me you're friends with his ex i'm friends
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with them yeah a couple of them but like how do you heal if you're friends with his past i would
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say that's because they justify i understand i think you're right however they justified everything
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i went through was real because you go through this thing called cognitive dissonance when you're
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trying to break a trauma bomb with someone and it's where you try and justify their behavior but
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they were really nice they were so good to me they validated my feelings but simultaneously they're
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emotionally abusing you by doing other things isolating you lying that's what we do as women
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though we come together and then we talk about you know he done this she done that yeah of course and
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then there's no actual healing that's being done yeah so whether it's spiritually whether it's mentally
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you know talking to a therapist talking to someone that you trust getting it out and then it won't
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be so hard on the next guy that comes along and it won't be hard on you has has this been a pattern
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or has it just been him i mean obviously that's pretty far but has it been a pattern of like toxic
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guys in a way i've had some lovely guys and then some not so i the others i think they were just young
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i don't think they're bad people i don't even think this last one is a bad person i just think he's not
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you don't think you don't think he's a bad person he has i do he has yeah i'd meet i don't know
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he committed identity do you know with his mom premeditated and it made you move to australia
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for six weeks and to use you i'm gonna be friends with his ex sorry i don't know if he's bad or he's
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just done well you know i know he had borderline personality disorder i know when i got with him he
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was severely anorexic he had a lot of demons that i tried to help him with and equally i'm not gonna
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lie he helped me with mine so that's why i don't know if he's bad or if he was just he couldn't stand
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the thought of me leaving did you know there was demons like early on when we were friends no no but
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when you started dating him you kind of saw a couple red flags early on oh yeah when it started
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interfering with my work so i'm assuming that like you had have guy friends that i'm sure would date you
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right like yeah come on yeah i mean she's a pretty girl yeah yeah so so so what made you go with like
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the toxic guy over the nice guy it was exciting what it was exciting do you know what i will be so
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honest about this i appreciate the honesty and um i think this is when my growth period happened i before
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him i always wanted to be that girl that could be taken care of be driven around in a nice car
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taken out to nice meals bought nice bags nice jewelry because i never you know i never had a guy that
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did that until my ex he bought me he did all of that for me and until i found myself sitting in that
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benz with the heated seats i was like i'm really unhappy because this man does not love himself
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enough to be with me he doesn't know who he is he's unhappy he takes it out on me because he's not
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secure within himself and now i drive around in my little toyota yaris and i'm just like you know what
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this is all i need i'm happy now i'm good um i can't remember your question so so so you you almost
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put up with more because he was rich i think it was more i think at the beginning that enticed me
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but it wasn't that i actually loved him 100 percent i love him i didn't love him i did love him you just
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said it was because you just said it was because of like the cars and it enticed me yeah it enticed
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me but he didn't he didn't maintain me i financed myself he tried to buy me a car i said no tried to
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invest in my business i said no he tried to buy me a phone i said no because i even back then i was
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aware that if we break up you're going to turn around and say give me that back now i don't want
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to ever be in that position so no he you know it enticed me that he could take care of himself he had
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all these things it inspired me i'm not a gold digger otherwise i would have accepted all those
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things he offered me it was more i was inspired by his lifestyle i wanted that for myself that's
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what inspired by his life what does that mean he could drive that car he owned that car he's younger
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than me i'm like wow i want that okay so i just it just i'm just confused because it kind of it kind
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of is like you're saying the same thing okay okay you just wanted like the hey hey life
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really yeah i mean i'm not faulting you for it no you're fine yeah it's cool okay um so
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what about you guys have you guys ever dated a toxic guy anyone raise your hand raise your hand
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yeah razor kind of yeah i mean the thing is though when i look back on it i'm like was it really toxic
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or did i just not know myself was i just not secure in myself um and i think also the word toxic is
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thrown around so much and you know sometimes when you're talking with your friends and they're just
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like oh that's so toxic but looking back i'm thinking we were both young he was just doing him and
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i was just so like you know i i know i won't say it was toxic maybe on my behalf i had unhealthy
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attachment but i i looking back on it i wouldn't say he was toxic okay so you don't think he was
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toxic okay and what about you mine was a hundred thousand percent toxic i just came to the realization
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as i was saying that out loud he wasn't toxic i was just like toxic i don't know um yeah a million percent
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i think maybe in my i was the opposite in my head i was trying to make it seem like he wasn't
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um and i would always defend him like i'd be out here defending him to everyone my parents like
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my whole family my friends even to him like his family his friends i'm like no this is the guy for
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me even to myself like i become so deluded because i was so in love but i feel like again this love
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bombing phase in the beginning like maybe i grew attached and fell in love with someone that doesn't
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actually exist um but yeah it was just the the the regular things are just being unfaithful maybe he
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just couldn't commit and he wasn't the guy for me but for someone else it may not be deemed toxic but
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for me when i'm with someone i'm very tunnel vision so if they're not the same like what what type of
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toxic things did he do there was a few there was just loads of messages he would just go hot and cold
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like days weeks no communication i was with him so you're dating him and he didn't talk to you for weeks
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yeah he would just disappear and be like oh i just don't want to talk or he's sending little messages
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like i just don't want to talk and i'll be like okay when when people go through things i'm someone
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that i give you space i'm not needy i don't need to be talking to you 24 7 you have your space but
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then it become a regular thing and i was like either there's something wrong with you or there's
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something up here um and i'm a big communicator so if you can't talk to me about stuff fine whatever
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but i will try and try and try but you know in the end i won't bug you um i found condom wrappers
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just chilling and i was doing the laundry you know being and being that good housewife and yeah no
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it was just a lot and i'd say it's quite damaging but at the same time you learn from it you learn
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what you don't want and how old were you guys when you dated the toxic guy only recently so 19 20 21.
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oh so you're you're 21 when you dated him okay that was only like eight months ago okay and then how
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many how many years were you guys with him so he gave us solidly about a year and a bit and then on
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and off i'd say two and a half years two and a half years a year and a bit a year and a bit but we were
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friends for like really close friends for two years before that so okay and i'm curious did you guys
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ever you said you caught him cheating yes yeah not in the act but yeah yeah you caught him cheating
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i don't think he ever cheated on me but then i don't know at the same time anymore there's so much that
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i just didn't know i don't want to get into that okay no no worries um when you caught him cheating
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did you stay or did you leave i left okay but went back shortly after i left the house and then went
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back and forth and back and forth but yeah it's not a good cycle to be in hundred percent okay would um
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any of you guys be open to dating a guy um that it's closed on your end but open on his or he would
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sleep with other girls no no no no ew not that i know about it but you might you might hey it
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depends it depends it depends yeah okay what about you no no um so i'm going to tweak it a little bit
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okay um so for me um it's dating to marriage and it's not really dating is in a sense of how
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you guys would see it it would be we want to get married he'd be talking to my mom and my dad
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my brothers getting to know me with my the male family members involved um so i wouldn't uh sorry
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i forgot the question i was just asking if you would ever be open to dating a guy where he's able to cheat
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but you're not basically um so we would be married and if he wanted another wife where i am now um with
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the mindset that i have now um i wouldn't mind if he had another wife but this is not another wife
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this is being unfaithful but but but i i'm not i don't date men yeah so do you see what i'm so that's
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why i said the tweaking i don't i'd like i don't have a boyfriend and i won't have a boyfriend because
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i'm a muslim woman we don't oh you don't that's yeah that's strictly forbidden um so would you be
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okay with your husband sleeping around with loads of different women then i guess that's the tweet
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not necessarily having one wife it would be sleeping with those of other women no she said she she said
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she'd be all right but no she said that what she'd be happy with her husband having another wife yeah
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yeah not a side piece yeah yeah so but you'd be okay with two who would be okay with a second wife anyone
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anyone anyone no no no do you know what she does everything except the bedroom i'd be happy
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um so you said no hell no and what about if it was just like casual stuff and then you're the main
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girl no why why are you ranking who's casual yeah yeah either one or none simple i feel like it's become
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normalized to normalize like people who believe in polygamy need to stay with them people they can't
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try and convert the people who want monogamy in life but they do and that's where this toxic
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oh can you tell the story about when you caught the guy cheating
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in the one in the bedroom yeah oh gladly oh yeah um i've seen this guy for a long while and he's
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supposed to take me shop and he didn't turn up so i went to his house but we used to hang out with
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all of his friends i was one of the guys and then this lovely young lady i've heard her i said hi
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and i asked where he was and she knew me because she's always upstairs now i'm not upstairs
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and he just sort of like and she climbed into bed and he was just
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and i was like and you can see him trying to i thought you're already in bed with her
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yeah i could see him trying to dissing himself and i said to her
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is that your man she said yeah i saw hug him up it don't matter whoever's there you hug him up
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and she's like hold i said hug him harder and she goes would you like a cup of coffee
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i said yes please and she went downstairs and he said i said what do you want me to say
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what do you want me to do because i'm not going to hit her do you want me to knock you out i said
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i said oh do you want me to scream and shout i said i'm just gonna sit here i think i had lunch as
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well yeah i was like i ended up being her friend because they were hanging out with all the guys and
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all the guys was like nah when did you tell her did you tell her she must be known now she's watching
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this oh i didn't i didn't tell her i i was her friend he's a player i played at my mom's party yes
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i said are you coming she said no he didn't invite me i said you come how long did this go on for
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until they split up until oh stop yeah you stopped anything with oh no straight away yeah
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i stopped but it was just fun to go there i said go there when he wasn't there she goes oh he's coming
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home soon you know i'm just popping out to the shop so i watched dinner and i thought this is what
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you're having for dinner yeah tormented yeah but i was nice about it and i didn't disrespect her
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you know i think that's and then one day i turned up and his whole car was covered in white paint
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but yeah he deserved what she gave him clearly why did she put all the paint all over his car gloss as
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well yeah you know what i don't have that in me i know some people have like ripped windscreen wipers
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off they've keyed cars they've done all of that i just i feel like i don't have it in me i could be
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so angry and upset but i just you do it in your head do you think if we flipped the genders that it
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would be the same reaction like if i if i if i said oh i cheated on a guy and he put paint all over
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my card and keyed it like people would have the same reaction of course no i think that's
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that's petty i don't think they expect the whole car to disappear a man wouldn't do something like
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that you just come out the car be gone no but it's if they want it to be petty it's just interesting
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because i i feel like if it was the opposite like if i said oh he keyed my car and did this after i
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cheated like it wouldn't result in people laughing you know what i mean yeah yeah they think he's
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pathetic no i think people would say that he's dangerous yeah he's violent or he's unhinged or
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abusive and police reports yeah yeah 100% listen women are there that were soft i'd be like i'm glad it
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was the car and not me yeah but i just think the way people are nowadays men are the villains in every
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scenario and anything that happens to a woman if you flip it on its head and it happening to a man
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it's always worse because women are saints we cannot do any wrong yeah do you think so perfectly
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no i do not she said that tongue-in-cheek i can see her smile no i do not think so but i feel like
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society i just think conversations to make it seem like that is the consensus well it's even like when
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we talk about cheating like if the guy does it it's always we demonize him but if the girl does it
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the first question is always why like why what made her cheat why did she cheat oh no i would
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i would say i would always ask why did the guy cheat i always i don't think that's you think
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you think that's common when you see it on when you see it on say tick tock when they tell cheating
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stories it's always that if you look at any cheating story on tick tock if it's a girl telling
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it the story of how she cheated like they'll always say oh well why did she cheat what what yeah but for
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the men it's like you know if i say he cheated because he hasn't slept his wife hasn't slept with him
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in three years they still make him out to be the bad guy yeah okay yeah fair enough actually i don't
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think you're wrong it's like you know one out of four marriages is sexless usually on the man's part
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or like on the woman's part yeah oh wow yeah one out of four i've known i've known somebody been married
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it's really calm yes yeah oh yeah i don't think i could it's easy to slip into could you when you have
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babies no when you look at it no i'm sorry it's easy to slip into i honestly i just feel like
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when we have conversations about sex in marriage like women have to be honest
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there are points in your marriage where you have to make an effort where you have to look at your
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husband and say okay he needs take one for the team
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like he needs me in this capacity and i may not feel like it for the foreseeable so let me avail myself
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in the same way you would want like your husband or your partner to avail himself in whatever other
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scenario or even the same i just feel like it it is not that uncommon for a woman to not
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want to have sex because when you become when you are a woman of a house you've got a lot going on
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especially if you work as well there's a lot happening and you have babies and stuff like that
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i just feel like sometimes yes like the wife is required to make an effort she's not always going
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to feel like it but some women choose not to make an effort some women are like i will wait until i feel
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like it and you will wait until i feel like it can i ask you a question so if you didn't feel like it
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you still do it well if he wanted to i just feel like my husband's i feel like watching but yes yeah
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like i will i will because he needs he needs me in that like i just feel like for men it's not always
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i'm horny like it's like their way of connecting to you they're like they want to be close to you and
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they don't want to sit down and have a gossip about what you did they don't want to listen to your like
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stories that you say is going to be two minutes but actually it's an hour and a half they want to
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connect like that way like just sometimes you have to avail yourself yeah you're not sure you watch
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one i'm sure you watch me and one of pearls podcasts before pearl no
00:25:12.480
what's your opinion auntie what if what if she doesn't feel like it i was like she don't feel
00:25:19.040
like it you know just like read the book bend over and just like you know watch tv be on the
00:25:25.120
phone but you know what not not always because the fact of the matter is is if you are with someone
00:25:30.880
that person loves you and understands you so if you don't feel like it there's going to be times
00:25:35.840
that's fine yeah yeah leave you alone but then sometimes like you may not feel like it for like
00:25:40.880
two months wow that long don't look at me i'm not telling my story okay okay okay it could be
00:25:52.880
that okay you might have had a baby might have been traumatic whatever who knows so if you having
00:25:59.520
the baby not talking about you but just like you know yeah if you was having a baby you didn't feel
00:26:04.240
like it is there other ways that you can please your man okay then just check in oh we all yeah we all
00:26:09.600
know there's a little grown unaware no because i said this before and i and i said that you know
00:26:16.240
basically a woman should refuse a man you know if her husband yeah that you know i mean yeah exactly
00:26:22.800
but for women they want to make love for a man it's just like give me five minutes can i ask you
00:26:27.120
know i think that's okay what happens if you're really angry at him about something he's done and he
00:26:32.480
wants it right there and then like do you do it that could be better than counseling yeah i
00:26:49.440
i can't ever see me being so angry that i don't want to have sex with my man you've never had
00:26:53.840
makeup sex listen that's the best kind sorry mom i'm just saying i've never had makeup sex
00:27:00.560
you've never no neither have i we're gonna talk it out oh yeah and i thought you might don't touch me
00:27:05.760
no i don't know when you say makeup sex i i always think of like you've sorted out and then yeah yeah
00:27:11.440
like oh come give me a hug and then it's like yeah it's not too solvent and i feel like you've become
00:27:15.680
closer and it's nice yeah but that's where that's why you get stuck in your toxic situation i'm not
00:27:22.800
having a go because i've done the same but then but that's but that's your choice yeah if you resolve
00:27:29.840
it i think i don't see if you feel like it's resolved yeah if you're happy i wouldn't do it to
00:27:34.960
mask i think mask is the perfect word yeah you know that you can't have sex if you're not happy you
00:27:40.160
can't make no yeah you have to so you've got to make sure that the problem is solved you can't
00:27:44.320
just say oh yeah you know everything's fine but deep inside you're angry yeah you have to clear it
00:27:49.680
because you know you can't have angry sex but i don't think you can have sex if you're not fully
00:27:54.000
in it anyway well that's me personally i don't know about you lot i'll do it just to let him shut up
00:27:58.160
i'll give him five minutes i also think full play works yeah he'll get you in the mood any man can get
00:28:04.960
you in the mood yeah the right man no the right man can get you in the mood yeah it depends on how
00:28:09.600
you feel yeah but yeah like yeah the general rule is if you want to eat you like you have to prepare
00:28:16.480
it like yeah cook it marinate your chicken how long do you think a guy if he goes without sex like okay
00:28:26.480
i'm trying to phrase this question so how long let's say you haven't had sex with him in a month is it
00:28:31.680
acceptable for him to cheat no like like at what point of have you like not slept with your guy
00:28:37.760
where it's kind of understandable that he steps out because we could agree probably that if you
00:28:41.360
haven't slept with him in two years he's probably going to step out if my man don't sleep with me in
00:28:46.160
a month i think it's over i think he's finished with me i've got a question actually off the back of
00:28:51.120
that no it's not you it's like you not sleeping yeah and all seriously never like no i can't see it
00:28:55.760
happening a guy has been deprived for that long like get to the point of saying you've deprived me for this
00:29:00.320
long i feel like i need it and i'm gonna get it like just talk to me yeah communication yeah if
00:29:08.720
he's addressed it to me and come come to me and be like look this is how i'm feeling rete te and i
00:29:13.760
haven't tried i think the same as an argument and i haven't tried to resolve it yeah resolve it at
00:29:18.160
that point leave me but that's i feel like but it's not that simple for a lot of guys but maybe because
00:29:23.760
it's like they lose custody to their kids no i think i i know i agree it's not that simple but
00:29:29.360
if you want me to answer the question right no but in real life everything's a little bit more
00:29:35.840
complex than that so i get it there's exceptions of everything that well yeah and honestly i just
00:29:41.440
feel like even like me as a married person like i've told my husband this before i don't feel like
00:29:47.920
cheating is a deal breaker if i just don't feel like change i feel like you can literally work
00:29:54.480
through anything i really do but oh like just to answer your question right no no no yeah but at
00:30:01.680
least like two months okay two two months two months two months no at least like some people
00:30:08.560
be like oh having sex in two weeks what aspect are we okay so why wouldn't you be having sex with him
00:30:16.640
sometimes whatever the reason yeah i mean some girls some girl yeah you can yeah some girls do it
00:30:22.080
to like control the guy oh yeah sadistic i think sometimes i remember one in four marriages are
00:30:28.880
sexless i mean maybe she married she didn't marry the guy she wanted and she's not really attracted to
00:30:33.200
him anymore yeah i mean there's a million reasons i think if it started that way then it's different
00:30:38.080
if it's changed like throughout you need to look at what's changed it but sometimes it's also like where
00:30:43.360
you are at mentally yeah yeah and if you're someone who like suffers from depression that can affect
00:30:49.280
how you feel sexually yeah and unfortunately and unfortunately unfortunately unfortunately
00:30:56.960
like it's not personal to your partner but obviously it does affect your partner but
00:31:01.280
you should be able to communicate clearly why you're feeling like you're feeling so that he doesn't feel
00:31:06.640
iced out because men will actually if you if you go to if you go to touch you and you're like he's gonna
00:31:11.520
feel iced out so and then hopefully you have a compassionate partner i just don't know what
00:31:16.080
you could tell them like baby we're not gonna have sex for three months but this is how i'm feeling
00:31:20.240
yeah yes can you understand well minded i think foundationally what helps is if both both people
00:31:27.040
in the relationship can agree that if we haven't had sex in a while there's actually a problem because
00:31:33.840
one might not see it like the woman that is withholding sex she might not see as a problem
00:31:37.760
but if we can agree that i i don't feel i have not felt like having sex with you for like over a week
00:31:44.480
or two weeks she within herself should be able to say i may not know why but this is definitely a
00:31:50.800
problem subconsciously yeah but but you you always know why you just need to dig deep like i knew why
00:31:56.160
i and at first i was like oh i'm not too sure and then i did and i've told him i was like this is why
00:32:01.440
and he was we have an open not open relationship in terms of other people but in terms of like
00:32:06.720
openly communicating i don't feel like no one should be having sex if you can't talk about sex
00:32:11.760
you certainly shouldn't be having been in a relationship you can't talk about sex with your
00:32:15.360
partner why you don't have sex or what you like what you don't like etc etc and hopefully the person
00:32:20.160
that you have respect you as a human being and says okay i can see why you're going through that
00:32:25.680
like do you know how long and if you can honestly say look i don't know how i'm gonna feel if that
00:32:30.480
person then turns around and says well i feel like at least wait a certain time period before
00:32:36.240
you go okay it's been a while is anything changing no yeah the woman should get proactive about it
00:32:42.320
can i just ask a question what is the longest has any of us been without sex in a relationship
00:32:49.840
and who stopped it what's the longest you've been in your relationship without sex so i
00:32:56.320
don't know if anyone else okay i don't so one of my exes was anorexic he had an eating disorder
00:33:14.320
and i used to hate sleeping with him because i could feel his hip bones and it used to make me feel
00:33:19.200
uncomfortable it would hurt and it put me off and trying to help someone overcome that and support
00:33:28.480
them but also trying to be intimate with them when you're not feeling it because it physically hurts
00:33:33.600
is a hard thing to stay in so um that was not a very sexy relationship so how long was it that was
00:33:42.880
a year and a bit no i mean how long you got without sex no no no no no no because he started he started
00:33:49.920
gaining i couldn't do that to myself wait did you cheat on him no i've never i've never i couldn't
00:33:58.960
if i'm either in or i'm out i don't run around in gray areas i don't it's just not how i roll so for me
00:34:05.360
that we weren't intimate for about a good it was like on and off because some i'm trying to think
00:34:13.840
probably about a good four or five months but just to clarify you didn't have sex with him for four
00:34:18.080
or five months yeah and it's because you didn't want to did he know the reason why i had to be honest
00:34:25.360
in the end do you think if the roles were reversed that you would have like taken that okay and you
00:34:30.960
know what it's interesting you're saying that i called myself out on it today because my friend said
00:34:35.200
to me that a guy she was with made a comment about her weight in the bedroom and it made me reflect
00:34:41.520
and think god i've done that to a guy and i thought who the hell am i to say that i felt bad but then he
00:34:51.760
asked me why and i don't lie you know i'm going to be honest with you if we're in a relationship
00:34:58.160
and um how did he respond yeah it was hard for him but then he actually got well like he started
00:35:04.640
training in the gym he started eating properly we cooked together like that's why i think that i
00:35:09.280
came into his life to help him with that it's really interesting like the it's like it seems
00:35:14.000
like men can as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis
00:35:21.040
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