JustPearlyThings - Traditional wives VS Modern wives CLASHED on The Show

00:00:00.000 is can can modern relationships work so uh my question is for do you for the single people

00:00:10.560 have you ever been in a traditional relationship or and people in a relation sorry for the people

00:00:16.000 in a relationship are you in a traditional relationship and for the single people have 0.94

00:00:19.440 you ever been in a traditional relationship and how did you like it well sorry what do you mean

00:00:24.480 by traditional um just like what you think of when you think of like like the man's pays for

00:00:29.760 everything he he leads you follow like that sort of thing okay do you want me to answer that um yes

00:00:37.920 well yeah why don't we start here and then go around yeah sorry um

00:00:45.040 i i guess yes in some aspects like he would lead and i would follow um he paid

00:00:53.920 yeah he paid for everything unless like i offered and said oh i've got it this time

00:00:57.760 um that's either i guess as traditional because we didn't live together and honestly

00:01:03.520 we weren't married so okay okay what about you i don't think i have been in a traditional relationship

00:01:09.920 as such but it was all very 50 50 he didn't really lead much so yeah i don't think i have no okay

00:01:17.840 no never been the traditional relationship no okay um yes so i'm married and i um i hesitate because

00:01:30.480 we have a blended family so it's not traditional in a sense of like nuclear uh we got together and had

00:01:35.760 babies um but we had children before we got together and got married and now we're a blended family

00:01:43.280 um but um in a sense of like roles um yes i am i am a traditional wire and yeah i follow his lead and

00:01:53.840 yeah essentially he leads the family

00:01:59.120 um i've been married before so i'm divorced but i wasn't in a traditional marriage or relationship

00:02:07.120 um what made it not traditional um i guess i was in my masculine energy and i i was doing everything

00:02:21.920 essentially and he was um not really the man that i i want um that i now want you know after some

00:02:32.560 searching and understanding what my role is as a woman what i would ideally like from a man and

00:02:38.560 what they want from women more importantly um so yeah that's what when you say in your masculine

00:02:45.120 what do you mean by that um so i made the decisions for the family oh okay um financially

00:02:53.280 and more um just everything really i just kind of felt like

00:02:57.360 uh i mean i don't want to be too disrespectful here because you know he's the father of my kid

00:03:03.280 and um there's certain boundaries that you don't talk about on there but i i was in my masculine energy

00:03:10.720 okay okay go ahead um i think to an extent my relationship was quite traditional but i think when

00:03:19.520 it comes to like personality and stuff i think i was more of the domineering character compared to him

00:03:24.560 mm-hmm so i would say in that sense i kind of witnessed that i was more of the leader than he

00:03:29.600 was and i think that's probably why like things didn't really work out between us but yeah

00:03:35.760 andy i think um the relationship i'm in now yeah he leads but i think previous relationship i've

00:03:43.920 tried to make them lead and they've been able to so i just had to go

00:03:48.480 just forcing them to lead because some men just don't want to lead some men just don't know how

00:03:53.440 to lead or they can't yeah the one i've got now he can he does so for the girls that said because i

00:04:00.640 think you two said you've never been in a traditional relationship do you guys enjoy did you enjoy being

00:04:06.000 in a more modern relationship do you want to answer that first definitely not no i'm very i'm quite old

00:04:15.040 school even though i'm young like i've got quite old soul and i've always wanted you know just to be

00:04:19.440 one man for my whole life and it just wasn't that he wasn't giving me that he wasn't really

00:04:26.160 at the beginning he was putting in a lot of effort but towards the end it wasn't really there

00:04:29.920 and that's why i probably ended

00:04:33.520 what was what was the question again

00:04:37.040 what was it like being in a modern relationship did you enjoy it

00:04:42.320 and is that something you'd want in the future sorry i think these questions

00:04:45.440 it's such a broad question elements of it i enjoyed however i don't know i feel like um

00:04:54.080 so my biggest fear my biggest fear is financially depending on somebody

00:05:01.120 it's my it terrifies me i never ever ever want to co-own a home with someone

00:05:06.560 i never want to come in a business with someone i never want to be financially tied to a man

00:05:10.880 because i've seen so many women in my life be absolutely dictated financially by men

00:05:15.280 there's no hate on men men are wonderful i know some amazing men

00:05:18.960 but no one's ever made me feel safe enough to embrace my feminine side with a man

00:05:25.520 which is why i've always had my own businesses i have my own car

00:05:32.080 getting a bit emotional yeah i can hear it yeah

00:05:37.440 i went through something really wild recently

00:05:41.360 my ex committed identity theft fraud against me with his mom

00:05:45.280 that's what my ep is about i'm not even using that as an excuse to plug myself i'm just being

00:05:50.000 transparent because it justifies i don't trust anyone to take care of me i got this

00:05:58.400 and until i meet someone that makes me feel safe enough emotionally spiritually and physically

00:06:02.960 then i will consider being in a traditional relationship

00:06:12.960 i'm good i'm not even crying thank you thank you though thanks um do you think that's going to be

00:06:18.720 hard for the for the next guy yeah because it's like he kind of has to deal with the mistakes of

00:06:23.680 like your past in a way yeah you know it already has been hard for the next guy and the guy after

00:06:29.840 that and the guy after that not that not that i'm you know moving about in different ways but you know

00:06:34.800 i go out a lot i have a very social job like i perform for a living i sing so i meet a lot of

00:06:40.880 people and i've met some wonderful people but there's something within me that's just like but can i trust you

00:06:47.280 have i known you long enough because the guy that was with last time was one of my best friends

00:06:51.200 and i knew him for a couple of years before i was with him and then to do that and other things

00:06:57.520 which i can't discuss i'm like well who can i trust so can i ask a question do you at what point do you

00:07:05.280 think you need to do some healing i you know the sad and i don't mean that disrespectfully i hope you

00:07:11.520 no i don't take it disrespectfully the bad the sad thing is i've already done so much healing

00:07:16.720 with all due respect it doesn't sound like it i know i know what healing have you done do you know

00:07:23.920 i ran to the other side of the world i just got back from australia i spent six weeks

00:07:28.720 traveling around australia and this is because when i broke up with him after i found out about the

00:07:33.840 fraud other women from his past were coming forward to me messaging me and these are women 1.00

00:07:39.680 that he smear campaigns saying that one's uh used to beat me up she was a drug addict she was an 0.99

00:07:45.200 alcoholic so i blocked them all thinking it was true and out of curiosity i unblocked them because

00:07:49.840 i knew they were trying to reach out to me and one by one they slowly came forward to me with their

00:07:54.400 screenshots and their truths and their lovely educated women and it frightened me because i

00:08:00.240 was sharing a bed with this person you know i was living with him i was running a business from his

00:08:04.960 home and all of a sudden i'm discovering all of these things i i had no idea he was capable of and

00:08:10.560 they're such nice women they're my friends now they help me you're friends with his ex i'm friends

00:08:15.920 with them yeah a couple of them but like how do you heal if you're friends with his past i would

00:08:21.120 say that's because they justify i understand i think you're right however they justified everything

00:08:26.240 i went through was real because you go through this thing called cognitive dissonance when you're

00:08:30.000 trying to break a trauma bomb with someone and it's where you try and justify their behavior but

00:08:34.400 they were really nice they were so good to me they validated my feelings but simultaneously they're

00:08:39.920 emotionally abusing you by doing other things isolating you lying that's what we do as women 1.00

00:08:45.520 though we come together and then we talk about you know he done this she done that yeah of course and

00:08:49.760 then there's no actual healing that's being done yeah so whether it's spiritually whether it's mentally

00:08:54.800 you know talking to a therapist talking to someone that you trust getting it out and then it won't

00:09:00.880 be so hard on the next guy that comes along and it won't be hard on you has has this been a pattern

00:09:05.280 or has it just been him i mean obviously that's pretty far but has it been a pattern of like toxic

00:09:10.960 guys in a way i've had some lovely guys and then some not so i the others i think they were just young

00:09:19.200 i don't think they're bad people i don't even think this last one is a bad person i just think he's not

00:09:24.080 you don't think you don't think he's a bad person he has i do he has yeah i'd meet i don't know

00:09:32.800 he committed identity do you know with his mom premeditated and it made you move to australia

00:09:37.200 for six weeks and to use you i'm gonna be friends with his ex sorry i don't know if he's bad or he's

00:09:44.720 just done well you know i know he had borderline personality disorder i know when i got with him he

00:09:48.400 was severely anorexic he had a lot of demons that i tried to help him with and equally i'm not gonna

00:09:54.320 lie he helped me with mine so that's why i don't know if he's bad or if he was just he couldn't stand

00:09:58.880 the thought of me leaving did you know there was demons like early on when we were friends no no but

00:10:03.680 when you started dating him you kind of saw a couple red flags early on oh yeah when it started

00:10:08.640 interfering with my work so i'm assuming that like you had have guy friends that i'm sure would date you

00:10:14.960 right like yeah come on yeah i mean she's a pretty girl yeah yeah so so so what made you go with like

00:10:22.960 the toxic guy over the nice guy it was exciting what it was exciting do you know what i will be so

00:10:28.800 honest about this i appreciate the honesty and um i think this is when my growth period happened i before

00:10:35.680 him i always wanted to be that girl that could be taken care of be driven around in a nice car

00:10:40.480 taken out to nice meals bought nice bags nice jewelry because i never you know i never had a guy that

00:10:44.800 did that until my ex he bought me he did all of that for me and until i found myself sitting in that

00:10:49.840 benz with the heated seats i was like i'm really unhappy because this man does not love himself

00:10:55.280 enough to be with me he doesn't know who he is he's unhappy he takes it out on me because he's not

00:11:00.480 secure within himself and now i drive around in my little toyota yaris and i'm just like you know what

00:11:06.880 this is all i need i'm happy now i'm good um i can't remember your question so so so you you almost

00:11:16.160 put up with more because he was rich i think it was more i think at the beginning that enticed me

00:11:24.240 but it wasn't that i actually loved him 100 percent i love him i didn't love him i did love him you just

00:11:30.080 said it was because you just said it was because of like the cars and it enticed me yeah it enticed

00:11:35.040 me but he didn't he didn't maintain me i financed myself he tried to buy me a car i said no tried to

00:11:40.560 invest in my business i said no he tried to buy me a phone i said no because i even back then i was

00:11:44.960 aware that if we break up you're going to turn around and say give me that back now i don't want

00:11:49.280 to ever be in that position so no he you know it enticed me that he could take care of himself he had

00:11:55.600 all these things it inspired me i'm not a gold digger otherwise i would have accepted all those

00:12:00.320 things he offered me it was more i was inspired by his lifestyle i wanted that for myself that's

00:12:06.400 what inspired by his life what does that mean he could drive that car he owned that car he's younger

00:12:11.120 than me i'm like wow i want that okay so i just it just i'm just confused because it kind of it kind

00:12:17.280 of is like you're saying the same thing okay okay you just wanted like the hey hey life

00:12:22.080 really yeah i mean i'm not faulting you for it no you're fine yeah it's cool okay um so

00:12:32.240 what about you guys have you guys ever dated a toxic guy anyone raise your hand raise your hand

00:12:37.760 yeah razor kind of yeah i mean the thing is though when i look back on it i'm like was it really toxic

00:12:44.960 or did i just not know myself was i just not secure in myself um and i think also the word toxic is

00:12:52.480 thrown around so much and you know sometimes when you're talking with your friends and they're just

00:12:56.960 like oh that's so toxic but looking back i'm thinking we were both young he was just doing him and

00:13:04.560 i was just so like you know i i know i won't say it was toxic maybe on my behalf i had unhealthy

00:13:11.200 attachment but i i looking back on it i wouldn't say he was toxic okay so you don't think he was

00:13:16.000 toxic okay and what about you mine was a hundred thousand percent toxic i just came to the realization

00:13:22.240 as i was saying that out loud he wasn't toxic i was just like toxic i don't know um yeah a million percent

00:13:31.600 i think maybe in my i was the opposite in my head i was trying to make it seem like he wasn't

00:13:36.880 um and i would always defend him like i'd be out here defending him to everyone my parents like

00:13:42.640 my whole family my friends even to him like his family his friends i'm like no this is the guy for

00:13:47.120 me even to myself like i become so deluded because i was so in love but i feel like again this love

00:13:52.240 bombing phase in the beginning like maybe i grew attached and fell in love with someone that doesn't

00:13:56.880 actually exist um but yeah it was just the the the regular things are just being unfaithful maybe he

00:14:04.080 just couldn't commit and he wasn't the guy for me but for someone else it may not be deemed toxic but

00:14:08.400 for me when i'm with someone i'm very tunnel vision so if they're not the same like what what type of

00:14:13.760 toxic things did he do there was a few there was just loads of messages he would just go hot and cold

00:14:21.520 like days weeks no communication i was with him so you're dating him and he didn't talk to you for weeks

00:14:26.720 yeah he would just disappear and be like oh i just don't want to talk or he's sending little messages

00:14:30.880 like i just don't want to talk and i'll be like okay when when people go through things i'm someone

00:14:34.880 that i give you space i'm not needy i don't need to be talking to you 24 7 you have your space but

00:14:39.200 then it become a regular thing and i was like either there's something wrong with you or there's

00:14:42.480 something up here um and i'm a big communicator so if you can't talk to me about stuff fine whatever

00:14:48.720 but i will try and try and try but you know in the end i won't bug you um i found condom wrappers

00:14:55.040 just chilling and i was doing the laundry you know being and being that good housewife and yeah no

00:15:01.680 it was just a lot and i'd say it's quite damaging but at the same time you learn from it you learn

00:15:06.560 what you don't want and how old were you guys when you dated the toxic guy only recently so 19 20 21.

00:15:14.480 oh so you're you're 21 when you dated him okay that was only like eight months ago okay and then how

00:15:20.080 many how many years were you guys with him so he gave us solidly about a year and a bit and then on

00:15:26.160 and off i'd say two and a half years two and a half years a year and a bit a year and a bit but we were

00:15:30.480 friends for like really close friends for two years before that so okay and i'm curious did you guys

00:15:35.200 ever you said you caught him cheating yes yeah not in the act but yeah yeah you caught him cheating

00:15:42.320 i don't think he ever cheated on me but then i don't know at the same time anymore there's so much that

00:15:47.840 i just didn't know i don't want to get into that okay no no worries um when you caught him cheating

00:15:54.000 did you stay or did you leave i left okay but went back shortly after i left the house and then went

00:16:03.920 back and forth and back and forth but yeah it's not a good cycle to be in hundred percent okay would um

00:16:10.160 any of you guys be open to dating a guy um that it's closed on your end but open on his or he would

00:16:17.600 sleep with other girls no no no no ew not that i know about it but you might you might hey it

00:16:27.600 depends it depends it depends yeah okay what about you no no um so i'm going to tweak it a little bit

00:16:35.680 okay um so for me um it's dating to marriage and it's not really dating is in a sense of how

00:16:43.840 you guys would see it it would be we want to get married he'd be talking to my mom and my dad

00:16:48.800 my brothers getting to know me with my the male family members involved um so i wouldn't uh sorry

00:16:57.040 i forgot the question i was just asking if you would ever be open to dating a guy where he's able to cheat

00:17:06.560 but you're not basically um so we would be married and if he wanted another wife where i am now um with

00:17:14.480 the mindset that i have now um i wouldn't mind if he had another wife but this is not another wife

00:17:20.080 this is being unfaithful but but but i i'm not i don't date men yeah so do you see what i'm so that's

00:17:25.840 why i said the tweaking i don't i'd like i don't have a boyfriend and i won't have a boyfriend because

00:17:30.640 i'm a muslim woman we don't oh you don't that's yeah that's strictly forbidden um so would you be

00:17:36.400 okay with your husband sleeping around with loads of different women then i guess that's the tweet

00:17:40.160 not necessarily having one wife it would be sleeping with those of other women no she said she she said

00:17:45.600 she'd be all right but no she said that what she'd be happy with her husband having another wife yeah 0.98

00:17:51.680 yeah not a side piece yeah yeah so but you'd be okay with two who would be okay with a second wife anyone 1.00

00:17:57.600 anyone anyone no no no do you know what she does everything except the bedroom i'd be happy

00:18:07.920 um so you said no hell no and what about if it was just like casual stuff and then you're the main

00:18:13.120 girl no why why are you ranking who's casual yeah yeah either one or none simple i feel like it's become

00:18:20.160 normalized to normalize like people who believe in polygamy need to stay with them people they can't

00:18:26.960 try and convert the people who want monogamy in life but they do and that's where this toxic

00:18:33.440 stuff happens but yeah yeah all right auntie

00:18:39.600 oh can you tell the story about when you caught the guy cheating

00:18:43.120 in the one in the bedroom yeah oh gladly oh yeah um i've seen this guy for a long while and he's

00:18:51.360 supposed to take me shop and he didn't turn up so i went to his house but we used to hang out with

00:18:55.200 all of his friends i was one of the guys and then this lovely young lady i've heard her i said hi

00:19:02.080 and i asked where he was and she knew me because she's always upstairs now i'm not upstairs

00:19:07.520 and he just sort of like and she climbed into bed and he was just

00:19:13.040 and i was like and you can see him trying to i thought you're already in bed with her

00:19:16.320 yeah i could see him trying to dissing himself and i said to her

00:19:18.560 is that your man she said yeah i saw hug him up it don't matter whoever's there you hug him up

00:19:25.600 and she's like hold i said hug him harder and she goes would you like a cup of coffee

00:19:29.920 i said yes please and she went downstairs and he said i said what do you want me to say

00:19:34.880 what do you want me to do because i'm not going to hit her do you want me to knock you out i said 0.85

00:19:38.640 i said oh do you want me to scream and shout i said i'm just gonna sit here i think i had lunch as

00:19:44.800 well yeah i was like i ended up being her friend because they were hanging out with all the guys and

00:19:49.280 all the guys was like nah when did you tell her did you tell her she must be known now she's watching

00:19:53.680 this oh i didn't i didn't tell her i i was her friend he's a player i played at my mom's party yes

00:20:01.200 i said are you coming she said no he didn't invite me i said you come how long did this go on for

00:20:10.480 until they split up until oh stop yeah you stopped anything with oh no straight away yeah

00:20:16.640 i stopped but it was just fun to go there i said go there when he wasn't there she goes oh he's coming

00:20:20.960 home soon you know i'm just popping out to the shop so i watched dinner and i thought this is what

00:20:25.840 you're having for dinner yeah tormented yeah but i was nice about it and i didn't disrespect her

00:20:33.360 you know i think that's and then one day i turned up and his whole car was covered in white paint

00:20:39.040 i was just like oh dear what did you do

00:20:44.400 but yeah he deserved what she gave him clearly why did she put all the paint all over his car gloss as 1.00

00:20:50.720 well yeah you know what i don't have that in me i know some people have like ripped windscreen wipers

00:20:57.280 off they've keyed cars they've done all of that i just i feel like i don't have it in me i could be

00:21:02.160 so angry and upset but i just you do it in your head do you think if we flipped the genders that it

00:21:08.080 would be the same reaction like if i if i if i said oh i cheated on a guy and he put paint all over

00:21:13.280 my card and keyed it like people would have the same reaction of course no i think that's

00:21:17.440 that's petty i don't think they expect the whole car to disappear a man wouldn't do something like

00:21:24.880 that you just come out the car be gone no but it's if they want it to be petty it's just interesting

00:21:29.280 because i i feel like if it was the opposite like if i said oh he keyed my car and did this after i

00:21:34.000 cheated like it wouldn't result in people laughing you know what i mean yeah yeah they think he's

00:21:40.560 pathetic no i think people would say that he's dangerous yeah he's violent or he's unhinged or

00:21:46.240 abusive and police reports yeah yeah 100% listen women are there that were soft i'd be like i'm glad it 1.00

00:21:53.280 was the car and not me yeah but i just think the way people are nowadays men are the villains in every

00:22:01.120 scenario and anything that happens to a woman if you flip it on its head and it happening to a man 0.91

00:22:07.840 it's always worse because women are saints we cannot do any wrong yeah do you think so perfectly

00:22:13.760 no i do not she said that tongue-in-cheek i can see her smile no i do not think so but i feel like

00:22:18.480 society i just think conversations to make it seem like that is the consensus well it's even like when

00:22:26.160 we talk about cheating like if the guy does it it's always we demonize him but if the girl does it

00:22:31.360 the first question is always why like why what made her cheat why did she cheat oh no i would 0.80

00:22:37.040 i would say i would always ask why did the guy cheat i always i don't think that's you think

00:22:42.480 you think that's common when you see it on when you see it on say tick tock when they tell cheating

00:22:46.720 stories it's always that if you look at any cheating story on tick tock if it's a girl telling 0.84

00:22:50.800 it the story of how she cheated like they'll always say oh well why did she cheat what what yeah but for

00:22:56.720 the men it's like you know if i say he cheated because he hasn't slept his wife hasn't slept with him

00:23:01.920 in three years they still make him out to be the bad guy yeah okay yeah fair enough actually i don't

00:23:06.400 think you're wrong it's like you know one out of four marriages is sexless usually on the man's part

00:23:11.120 or like on the woman's part yeah oh wow yeah one out of four i've known i've known somebody been married 0.64

00:23:16.880 it's really calm yes yeah oh yeah i don't think i could it's easy to slip into could you when you have

00:23:23.840 babies no when you look at it no i'm sorry it's easy to slip into i honestly i just feel like

00:23:30.000 when we have conversations about sex in marriage like women have to be honest

00:23:33.920 there are points in your marriage where you have to make an effort where you have to look at your

00:23:37.920 husband and say okay he needs take one for the team 0.65

00:23:42.800 like he needs me in this capacity and i may not feel like it for the foreseeable so let me avail myself

00:23:50.480 in the same way you would want like your husband or your partner to avail himself in whatever other

00:23:56.480 scenario or even the same i just feel like it it is not that uncommon for a woman to not

00:24:03.360 want to have sex because when you become when you are a woman of a house you've got a lot going on 0.98

00:24:09.360 especially if you work as well there's a lot happening and you have babies and stuff like that

00:24:14.640 i just feel like sometimes yes like the wife is required to make an effort she's not always going

00:24:20.960 to feel like it but some women choose not to make an effort some women are like i will wait until i feel 1.00

00:24:26.640 like it and you will wait until i feel like it can i ask you a question so if you didn't feel like it

00:24:31.520 you still do it well if he wanted to i just feel like my husband's i feel like watching but yes yeah

00:24:40.320 like i will i will because he needs he needs me in that like i just feel like for men it's not always

00:24:46.480 i'm horny like it's like their way of connecting to you they're like they want to be close to you and

00:24:54.480 they don't want to sit down and have a gossip about what you did they don't want to listen to your like

00:24:59.680 stories that you say is going to be two minutes but actually it's an hour and a half they want to

00:25:03.840 connect like that way like just sometimes you have to avail yourself yeah you're not sure you watch

00:25:08.960 one i'm sure you watch me and one of pearls podcasts before pearl no

00:25:12.480 what's your opinion auntie what if what if she doesn't feel like it i was like she don't feel

00:25:19.040 like it you know just like read the book bend over and just like you know watch tv be on the

00:25:25.120 phone but you know what not not always because the fact of the matter is is if you are with someone

00:25:30.880 that person loves you and understands you so if you don't feel like it there's going to be times

00:25:35.840 that's fine yeah yeah leave you alone but then sometimes like you may not feel like it for like

00:25:40.880 two months wow that long don't look at me i'm not telling my story okay okay okay it could be

00:25:52.880 that okay you might have had a baby might have been traumatic whatever who knows so if you having

00:25:59.520 the baby not talking about you but just like you know yeah if you was having a baby you didn't feel

00:26:04.240 like it is there other ways that you can please your man okay then just check in oh we all yeah we all

00:26:09.600 know there's a little grown unaware no because i said this before and i and i said that you know

00:26:16.240 basically a woman should refuse a man you know if her husband yeah that you know i mean yeah exactly 0.99

00:26:22.800 but for women they want to make love for a man it's just like give me five minutes can i ask you 1.00

00:26:27.120 know i think that's okay what happens if you're really angry at him about something he's done and he

00:26:32.480 wants it right there and then like do you do it that could be better than counseling yeah i

00:26:49.440 i can't ever see me being so angry that i don't want to have sex with my man you've never had 0.88

00:26:53.840 makeup sex listen that's the best kind sorry mom i'm just saying i've never had makeup sex

00:27:00.560 you've never no neither have i we're gonna talk it out oh yeah and i thought you might don't touch me

00:27:05.760 no i don't know when you say makeup sex i i always think of like you've sorted out and then yeah yeah

00:27:11.440 like oh come give me a hug and then it's like yeah it's not too solvent and i feel like you've become

00:27:15.680 closer and it's nice yeah but that's where that's why you get stuck in your toxic situation i'm not

00:27:22.800 having a go because i've done the same but then but that's but that's your choice yeah if you resolve

00:27:29.840 it i think i don't see if you feel like it's resolved yeah if you're happy i wouldn't do it to

00:27:34.960 mask i think mask is the perfect word yeah you know that you can't have sex if you're not happy you

00:27:40.160 can't make no yeah you have to so you've got to make sure that the problem is solved you can't

00:27:44.320 just say oh yeah you know everything's fine but deep inside you're angry yeah you have to clear it

00:27:49.680 because you know you can't have angry sex but i don't think you can have sex if you're not fully 0.86

00:27:54.000 in it anyway well that's me personally i don't know about you lot i'll do it just to let him shut up 0.75

00:27:58.160 i'll give him five minutes i also think full play works yeah he'll get you in the mood any man can get

00:28:04.960 you in the mood yeah the right man no the right man can get you in the mood yeah it depends on how

00:28:09.600 you feel yeah but yeah like yeah the general rule is if you want to eat you like you have to prepare

00:28:16.480 it like yeah cook it marinate your chicken how long do you think a guy if he goes without sex like okay

00:28:26.480 i'm trying to phrase this question so how long let's say you haven't had sex with him in a month is it

00:28:31.680 acceptable for him to cheat no like like at what point of have you like not slept with your guy

00:28:37.760 where it's kind of understandable that he steps out because we could agree probably that if you

00:28:41.360 haven't slept with him in two years he's probably going to step out if my man don't sleep with me in 1.00

00:28:46.160 a month i think it's over i think he's finished with me i've got a question actually off the back of

00:28:51.120 that no it's not you it's like you not sleeping yeah and all seriously never like no i can't see it

00:28:55.760 happening a guy has been deprived for that long like get to the point of saying you've deprived me for this

00:29:00.320 long i feel like i need it and i'm gonna get it like just talk to me yeah communication yeah if

00:29:08.720 he's addressed it to me and come come to me and be like look this is how i'm feeling rete te and i

00:29:13.760 haven't tried i think the same as an argument and i haven't tried to resolve it yeah resolve it at

00:29:18.160 that point leave me but that's i feel like but it's not that simple for a lot of guys but maybe because

00:29:23.760 it's like they lose custody to their kids no i think i i know i agree it's not that simple but

00:29:29.360 if you want me to answer the question right no but in real life everything's a little bit more

00:29:35.840 complex than that so i get it there's exceptions of everything that well yeah and honestly i just

00:29:41.440 feel like even like me as a married person like i've told my husband this before i don't feel like

00:29:47.920 cheating is a deal breaker if i just don't feel like change i feel like you can literally work

00:29:54.480 through anything i really do but oh like just to answer your question right no no no yeah but at

00:30:01.680 least like two months okay two two months two months two months no at least like some people

00:30:08.560 be like oh having sex in two weeks what aspect are we okay so why wouldn't you be having sex with him 0.76

00:30:16.640 sometimes whatever the reason yeah i mean some girls some girl yeah you can yeah some girls do it 1.00

00:30:22.080 to like control the guy oh yeah sadistic i think sometimes i remember one in four marriages are

00:30:28.880 sexless i mean maybe she married she didn't marry the guy she wanted and she's not really attracted to

00:30:33.200 him anymore yeah i mean there's a million reasons i think if it started that way then it's different

00:30:38.080 if it's changed like throughout you need to look at what's changed it but sometimes it's also like where

00:30:43.360 you are at mentally yeah yeah and if you're someone who like suffers from depression that can affect

00:30:49.280 how you feel sexually yeah and unfortunately and unfortunately unfortunately unfortunately 0.62

00:30:56.960 like it's not personal to your partner but obviously it does affect your partner but

00:31:01.280 you should be able to communicate clearly why you're feeling like you're feeling so that he doesn't feel

00:31:06.640 iced out because men will actually if you if you go to if you go to touch you and you're like he's gonna

00:31:11.520 feel iced out so and then hopefully you have a compassionate partner i just don't know what

00:31:16.080 you could tell them like baby we're not gonna have sex for three months but this is how i'm feeling

00:31:20.240 yeah yes can you understand well minded i think foundationally what helps is if both both people

00:31:27.040 in the relationship can agree that if we haven't had sex in a while there's actually a problem because

00:31:33.840 one might not see it like the woman that is withholding sex she might not see as a problem 0.94

00:31:37.760 but if we can agree that i i don't feel i have not felt like having sex with you for like over a week 0.55

00:31:44.480 or two weeks she within herself should be able to say i may not know why but this is definitely a

00:31:50.800 problem subconsciously yeah but but you you always know why you just need to dig deep like i knew why

00:31:56.160 i and at first i was like oh i'm not too sure and then i did and i've told him i was like this is why

00:32:01.440 and he was we have an open not open relationship in terms of other people but in terms of like

00:32:06.720 openly communicating i don't feel like no one should be having sex if you can't talk about sex

00:32:11.760 you certainly shouldn't be having been in a relationship you can't talk about sex with your

00:32:15.360 partner why you don't have sex or what you like what you don't like etc etc and hopefully the person

00:32:20.160 that you have respect you as a human being and says okay i can see why you're going through that

00:32:25.680 like do you know how long and if you can honestly say look i don't know how i'm gonna feel if that

00:32:30.480 person then turns around and says well i feel like at least wait a certain time period before

00:32:36.240 you go okay it's been a while is anything changing no yeah the woman should get proactive about it 1.00

00:32:42.320 can i just ask a question what is the longest has any of us been without sex in a relationship

00:32:49.840 and who stopped it what's the longest you've been in your relationship without sex so i

00:32:56.320 don't know if anyone else okay i don't so one of my exes was anorexic he had an eating disorder

00:33:14.320 and i used to hate sleeping with him because i could feel his hip bones and it used to make me feel

00:33:19.200 uncomfortable it would hurt and it put me off and trying to help someone overcome that and support

00:33:28.480 them but also trying to be intimate with them when you're not feeling it because it physically hurts

00:33:33.600 is a hard thing to stay in so um that was not a very sexy relationship so how long was it that was

00:33:42.880 a year and a bit no i mean how long you got without sex no no no no no no because he started he started

00:33:49.920 gaining i couldn't do that to myself wait did you cheat on him no i've never i've never i couldn't

00:33:58.960 if i'm either in or i'm out i don't run around in gray areas i don't it's just not how i roll so for me

00:34:05.360 that we weren't intimate for about a good it was like on and off because some i'm trying to think

00:34:13.840 probably about a good four or five months but just to clarify you didn't have sex with him for four

00:34:18.080 or five months yeah and it's because you didn't want to did he know the reason why i had to be honest

00:34:25.360 in the end do you think if the roles were reversed that you would have like taken that okay and you

00:34:30.960 know what it's interesting you're saying that i called myself out on it today because my friend said

00:34:35.200 to me that a guy she was with made a comment about her weight in the bedroom and it made me reflect

00:34:41.520 and think god i've done that to a guy and i thought who the hell am i to say that i felt bad but then he

00:34:51.760 asked me why and i don't lie you know i'm going to be honest with you if we're in a relationship

00:34:58.160 and um how did he respond yeah it was hard for him but then he actually got well like he started

00:35:04.640 training in the gym he started eating properly we cooked together like that's why i think that i

00:35:09.280 came into his life to help him with that it's really interesting like the it's like it seems

00:35:14.000 like men can as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis

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JustPearlyThings - October 29, 2023

Traditional wives VS Modern wives CLASHED on The Show

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