JustPearlyThings - October 19, 2023


Western Families Get BLAMED For All The TRAUMA in The Society


Episode Stats


Length

32 minutes

Words per minute

197.5829

Word count

6,376

Sentence count

532

Harmful content

Misogyny

15

sentences flagged

Hate speech

9

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the Just Probably Thinks podcast, my husband and I talk about what it's like being a wife and a mother in the modern era. We talk about keeping score in relationships and how it can be toxic.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Selfie is the quitter. I'm selfish. She's the quitter. I know I'm selfish. Girl knows what she's got to get. That's what it is. And the reason why I did it personally was because I felt, and I've had a conversation with him at the point, I felt that I was being, you know, let down in a way because I wasn't able to do what I wanted to do. And I felt like it was always about him.
00:00:24.460 Yeah. And he would always put himself first. He goes, oh, I've done this. I've done this. And I go, well, yeah, I get you done that. And I support you in that. And I want you to keep going with it. But then at the end of the day, he wasn't making me feel the way that I felt that I was giving it to him. It wasn't reciprocated. Yeah, exactly. Relationships have to be a pendulum, right? It works both ways. Absolutely. And if one person's doing more than the other, it's not going to work.
00:00:53.160 I think when we get into the habit of keeping score, I think that in itself is destructive.
00:00:58.160 That's toxic.
00:00:59.020 I don't know, like, what a lot of times, I don't know what we think marriage is supposed to be. Like, marriage is actually, no, it's not supposed to be. If you look at, like, truly traditional marriage, it's not supposed to be about us.
00:01:10.900 Yeah, when they say, like, you know, a relationship should be 50-50, that's bullshit. It should be 100-100. Like, I give 100% of my effort, you give 100%.
00:01:19.420 Because when you start getting to the point, because I could easily be like, well, when was the last time you paid for dinner? You know?
00:01:27.820 What was the last time you Ubered me home? What was that? You know, I could break out the fucking, I have an accountant. I can easily do that.
00:01:36.360 But then you start getting into, like, that dark side of relationships where you're, like, keeping score. And it's just dirty at that point. You're like, okay.
00:01:44.760 Like, that's not what I sign up for. And I'm not saying this to, like, pick on you, but I think, honestly, like, it kind of reveals more. If you say, I'm doing more for him than he's doing for me.
00:01:53.400 Like, I think it reveals more about you than him. Because it's showing that you're the type of person to keep score of what the other, like, we're not supposed to, like, we're supposed to give selflessly, you know?
00:02:03.220 And I, like, that's what, like, if you look at a traditional wife, a traditional mother, they're not keeping score. Oh, I did this much for that kid. I did this much for my husband. They're selfless.
00:02:12.180 Yeah. No, your mom's never like, well, listen, I scratched your back for, like, three days. So now I got to ignore you for the next three days, you little shit. You know, that doesn't work like that. 1.00
00:02:22.020 But, again, I think, because it just goes back to what's happening now with our modern times. I think humanity, as of right now, is probably at an all-time high for narcissism.
00:02:34.720 Yeah, we've lost traditional values.
00:02:36.600 We just, everybody's so full of themselves. We don't work at anything anymore.
00:02:39.780 Everybody thinks they're better looking than they are. Everybody thinks they are cooler than they are.
00:02:44.740 Yeah.
00:02:44.920 Everybody thinks they're sexier than they are. Everybody thinks they're smarter than they are. Everybody thinks that their political views, the fact that we've even mentioned
00:02:51.900 political views at all in itself shows us how much we've been psyoped by fucking the big four tech companies. You know what I mean?
00:03:00.240 So we have all these things that are, you know, symptoms of our modern culture.
00:03:04.900 But the thing is this, and I said it on multiple podcasts this week here on the Just Probably Thinks podcast, and I'll continue to say it.
00:03:11.940 When you are continuously focused on yourself and you're like, me, me, me, me, that's who you end up with.
00:03:19.120 Because focusing on me, me, me is selfish. You've got to focus on the we, because we are all in this together.
00:03:25.620 Anything you want in this life, you're going to hear from another human.
00:03:28.640 Period.
00:03:29.500 Agreed.
00:03:29.860 Right? Even if it's from a fucking AI, because that's a question now.
00:03:33.340 A human made that AI, goddammit!
00:03:36.980 There's no such thing as self-made as well.
00:03:39.120 Yeah, exactly. Arnold Schwarzenegger said that in his recent documentary. Arnold Schwarzenegger said that in his recent documentary, he talked about, you know, there's no such thing as self-made.
00:03:48.640 Because that's bullshit. Anybody here, Pamela, you know, all you ladies here who lost weight, whatever, you lost your weight because somebody probably from the outside inspired you.
00:03:58.440 Somebody helped you. You know what I mean? So this whole me, me, me bullshit, it's disgusting.
00:04:04.820 And I, you know, I told this to somebody in my life and I told her, I said, if you keep on trying to be this boss babe and me, me, me, me, that's who you're going to end up with.
00:04:14.840 Yeah.
00:04:15.460 Just yourself.
00:04:16.180 Well, and that's like the other thing why I say like body positivity, being obese has negative effects for all the people that care about you.
00:04:25.520 Because one, you may die young and two, if you have health issues, they're the ones that are going to have to take care of you.
00:04:31.360 I feel like it's come to a point big people know the risks that they're putting them through.
00:04:36.380 And just like when I make that choice.
00:04:38.960 How is that fair to everyone else?
00:04:41.200 Like it's either the taxpayers have to pay, the family has to pay and take care of you.
00:04:46.280 Like, it's like, how is that fair to everyone else?
00:04:48.440 We spent half this podcast saying it isn't fair.
00:04:50.180 Do you have that video of that?
00:04:51.340 As sad as it is, people go through different things in life.
00:04:55.780 Obesity just doesn't link with just because they want to eat.
00:04:58.940 It's mental health.
00:05:00.520 It's finance.
00:05:01.560 Family issues.
00:05:02.040 It's all these families, cultures.
00:05:04.940 What, maybe they eat a certain time in their culture.
00:05:07.960 Trauma.
00:05:08.320 But these are just excuses because at the end of the day, at the end of the day, I'm not saying they can't contribute, but at the end of the day, your life is your choices.
00:05:18.240 Yeah, but you don't think about your life as a choice when you're in it.
00:05:22.780 Because you can't look past tomorrow.
00:05:24.600 You're trying to just get past that day.
00:05:26.280 You can't look past tomorrow, so you can't, you're not looking at that.
00:05:29.460 And we can have sympathy, but it's still an excuse if you're using it as a reason not to lose weight.
00:05:34.900 That's not how it was.
00:05:36.820 Like, your whole, I don't understand.
00:05:38.700 What is it?
00:05:38.980 What are you saying, Pam?
00:05:40.240 Like, to be a fat person, to be someone who's overweight, and to be unhealthy, sometimes you're trapped.
00:05:47.480 You've got nowhere else to go.
00:05:48.820 You lack motivation.
00:05:50.360 You lack finances.
00:05:51.460 You don't have friendships.
00:05:52.460 You're not in the community.
00:05:54.240 So, therefore, you're trapped.
00:05:55.480 Now, I'm not saying that it's a reason or excuse.
00:05:58.260 You can get out there because you've got two legs.
00:06:00.200 You can get out there, but you can't.
00:06:02.140 Because mentally, you are down, you are drained, and you have no place to go because you don't know.
00:06:06.680 You're not educated enough.
00:06:07.780 Yeah, I think that's what it is.
00:06:09.660 I'm the truth here.
00:06:11.260 I'm the truth.
00:06:11.760 No, no, no.
00:06:12.240 It goes back to the undereducated because there was a guy, actually, I believe he was Irish, and he was like 360 pounds.
00:06:20.160 Have you heard about this guy?
00:06:21.340 No.
00:06:21.500 And he just, he didn't eat for a year.
00:06:24.220 He fasted for a year, and he lost all the weight.
00:06:27.460 How is that possible?
00:06:27.480 Why don't you think it's about education, though?
00:06:28.180 Because that's what fat is.
00:06:30.740 In the gym, I've been fat shaming many times.
00:06:33.320 I just don't think there's an excuse because of the internet.
00:06:36.240 Like, I know someone that's in a wheelchair that's jacked. 1.00
00:06:39.100 In a wheelchair.
00:06:40.940 In a wheelchair.
00:06:41.840 There is no excuse.
00:06:43.720 I've been to a gym.
00:06:44.980 I've been to a gym.
00:06:45.880 Even if you're educated.
00:06:46.180 Being all happy, being all confident.
00:06:48.320 I'm going to work out today.
00:06:49.640 And people do laugh for no reason.
00:06:51.720 Are you consistent, then?
00:06:52.580 Does that mean that you're consistent within it?
00:06:54.480 I'm not going to the gym now at the moment.
00:06:56.140 I'm just walking.
00:06:56.940 That's my exercise and dancing.
00:06:58.520 Even if you're educated with food and nutrition like I was before I gained weight,
00:07:04.100 I knew that what I was doing wasn't doing myself or my body any good.
00:07:09.540 I was educated.
00:07:10.520 I've always been really healthy with food.
00:07:13.220 But at that particular point and moment in my life, I wasn't.
00:07:16.820 And all that went out the window.
00:07:18.100 It just goes.
00:07:18.640 It does.
00:07:19.140 It went with me.
00:07:20.480 But again, it's not an excuse.
00:07:22.720 No, there's no excuse.
00:07:23.600 There's no excuse.
00:07:24.320 That's my point.
00:07:25.100 We can't blame it on these things.
00:07:27.060 Like your life is where you know what I'm doing.
00:07:28.700 You don't necessarily make the right choices.
00:07:30.700 They are contributing factors that can take over your whole mind.
00:07:33.420 But my whole point is I know so many people that have had each of the excuses that you guys are listing.
00:07:41.060 I know people with no legs that lost the weight.
00:07:43.300 And again, that's why I say anyone who says they can't have like two people.
00:07:47.020 You can.
00:07:47.300 It's mindset.
00:07:48.100 It's mindset.
00:07:48.860 It's mindset.
00:07:48.980 It's mindset.
00:07:49.580 It's mindset.
00:07:49.760 I agree with Pearl.
00:07:52.060 Because in the sense of this, look, it's an uncomfortable reality.
00:07:55.280 But the reality is this.
00:07:56.740 Even if you wanted to lose weight, you can implement a fasting regimen, which is free.
00:08:02.500 Yeah.
00:08:03.480 Stop fucking eating.
00:08:05.180 Okay.
00:08:05.620 And walk for an hour a day.
00:08:08.720 Can I say that?
00:08:09.420 They're 24 hours.
00:08:10.440 Hold on.
00:08:10.960 They're 24 hours in a day.
00:08:12.480 You walk for an hour a day because if you are looking in the mirror and you're unhappy because you're obese, you're fat or whatever, limit your eating window.
00:08:23.100 Choose what calories you take into yourself and then walk for an hour a day.
00:08:27.380 10,000 steps a day.
00:08:29.160 Okay.
00:08:29.600 Minimum.
00:08:30.000 Your iPhone has a step tracker in it.
00:08:32.180 Do you guys all know that?
00:08:32.920 Yeah.
00:08:33.100 There's a step tracker in your iPhone.
00:08:34.560 I'm wearing my aura ring right now where I track all my calories, my sleeping, everything through this.
00:08:38.960 It's a ring.
00:08:39.540 Right?
00:08:39.980 Really?
00:08:40.640 It's about mentality.
00:08:41.940 And the thing, no, no, no.
00:08:43.200 It's not, I mean, I agree with you what you're saying about the mentality.
00:08:45.800 But at the same time, it is possible for all people of all races, of all genders, of all economic statuses to fast and walk for an hour a day.
00:08:58.960 I don't, I mean, Pam, do you disagree with me?
00:09:00.700 Like when I say, is that wrong?
00:09:02.940 I agree with you.
00:09:03.680 And I think it's, and you know, it's sad because the government is constantly saying, you know, just eat seven pounds of pocket bread a day.
00:09:11.320 Can I share something?
00:09:12.700 I lost.
00:09:14.140 So basically my thing is I was always big, bigger.
00:09:18.440 And just only two and a half years ago, I didn't realize how depressed I was.
00:09:24.660 But once I accepted my trauma and what I went through, you know, I said I lost, I was 28 stones.
00:09:30.980 I got a certain sense and certain understandings of some, one day I just woke up and I felt like, oh damn, this is how it is.
00:09:40.580 And I looked in the mirror and I honestly was like, oh gosh, this is me.
00:09:45.480 And it's almost like when I understood my trauma, I started losing weight.
00:09:50.320 And so that's what I'm saying, so that's why I say, you know, when people have trauma and they're, and they're obese, they're actually dealing something.
00:09:59.280 When you recognize it, when you recognize it, you know, when you catch it, then you can find a way forward until you accept that and that's happened to you, you will not.
00:10:07.460 But everyone's what's different.
00:10:08.460 And I think, I think that's why it's hard for you to see it, Pearl, because you grew up in like a nice family and you didn't have to deal with a lot of trauma.
00:10:13.880 Your dad wasn't whooping your ass when you were, when you were growing up, you know what I mean?
00:10:18.240 When you, because that's what I do in the Inner Game Healing Summit, you know, the Inner Game Healing Endure thing is I work, I have a team of guys that we're all experts and we talk to men and we talk about healing the trauma.
00:10:29.640 Right. We do a lot of hypnotherapy and we do an identification exercise where we identify the trauma and we figure out what exactly is happening.
00:10:39.100 Why am I traumatized? What happened to me? And then going back to it, identifying the trauma and then coming to peace with getting some catharsis from the situation, healing them, giving them closure on the trauma, because that's what trauma is.
00:10:54.620 Trauma is a, because trauma is a loop. You know what I mean? That's why, that's why people cut themselves. That's why people overeat because when they cut themselves, it is a, it is a temporary release.
00:11:05.820 And a lot of people use sex as well as a coping mechanism, coping mechanism for trauma. People use food, they use drugs, they use prostitutes, gambling, video games, drugs. I mean, you name it.
00:11:16.680 So when you, with the thing is though, because it's just, um, I agree. I know you have to stop. Listen, let me, let me just finish. Let me finish. Let me finish.
00:11:24.620 Because the point I'm trying to make is that it is a, it is definitely a first world problem. It is a very first world problem. It is a very first world problem. It is a very first world problem.
00:11:36.040 But that's what happens when you have these traumas and you do not heal them.
00:11:41.880 Um, then what ends up happening is you just keep on getting on this loop of self-sabotage instruction. Go ahead.
00:11:48.880 Uh, I think people in the Western world use trauma as an excuse. There's no such thing as trauma in the Western world. If you go to, there are countries that experience real trauma and the people are not overweight.
00:11:59.820 I just don't believe in that. I think it's a crutch to remove accountability from people and to give people an excuse to not do what needs to be done.
00:12:08.100 But I'll have these people who access to food are easy, easily accessible. That's the question.
00:12:14.340 Yes. Africa is not, it's not a jungle.
00:12:16.640 I don't think you just said that.
00:12:17.980 No, but processed foods, certain foods.
00:12:21.340 No, but like, I didn't even say that.
00:12:23.120 I'm from Bangladesh. My parents are.
00:12:23.980 But the way people, the way people approach their problems is different.
00:12:27.340 Yeah. Agreed.
00:12:28.160 But can I ask you this? You came from a fully intact family, mother, father.
00:12:32.600 Yeah.
00:12:32.760 That's good. See, I think that's the problem because a lot of, a lot of the Western shit is like the families are
00:12:38.060 like, we have all the money in the world, but the families are so broken.
00:12:41.700 And then, you know, cause there were, there were, there were two girls on a, on a podcast I was at recently. 0.90
00:12:46.340 Right. And one girl was like, my father was present from zero to 13.
00:12:50.680 Very normal, very beautiful girl.
00:12:52.740 And another girl was like, my father was present.
00:12:55.060 Well, like my stepfather was present from 13 onwards.
00:12:57.680 And she was just permanently angry.
00:13:00.600 So when in these developmental stage of the developmental parts of our lives,
00:13:05.300 because in America, women are incentivized to throw the father out from the children being 1.00
00:13:10.840 one, two, three, and then you're growing up with this empty position.
00:13:14.840 But didn't, like, fathers used to go to war.
00:13:17.560 Do you know what I mean? Like, they used to be gone.
00:13:19.340 But that's what I'm saying. Like, I just, it just, all.
00:13:21.640 But they were, they did go to war, but the mother wasn't at home being like, 0.90
00:13:24.820 your father's a fucking loser. 0.95
00:13:26.180 And he didn't realize, he's out there, like, fighting for the country.
00:13:31.380 Like, the most masculine esteemed thing you can do.
00:13:33.800 I'm not, I'm not saying trauma doesn't exist.
00:13:36.520 I just think, like, 80% of the time when I hear trauma, it's just an excuse.
00:13:40.720 I will say this. I'm going to push back because you and Myron have the same position on this, right?
00:13:45.020 But you and Myron were also raised in very healthy, like, functioning families.
00:13:51.140 I was, like, severely emotionally abused, mentally abused, and physically abused for, like, the majority of my childhood.
00:14:00.520 And when you are undergoing these kind of things during your formative years,
00:14:06.540 you have a traumatic outlook on life, period.
00:14:10.640 It changes your perception.
00:14:12.300 And I know it sounds like I'm coping, but I'm not.
00:14:14.820 I'm telling you, and it's a hard thing for people who are not traumatized
00:14:18.440 to look at this from an outside lens, because there's things you have to overcome.
00:14:23.300 I have a question.
00:14:24.360 How much more traumatic can it get for a child to grow up in a situation where
00:14:28.320 it's encouraged for you to be beat by your parents as discipline?
00:14:34.260 Because that's how African kids are raised. 1.00
00:14:37.240 So, let me ask you this.
00:14:41.180 How traumatic would it be for you to grow up never knowing who your father was?
00:14:45.420 Because, I mean, compared to me getting beat as a kid every day.
00:14:50.360 I got beaten, too.
00:14:51.320 Okay, so what if you saw your parent, one of your parents, get beaten by your other parent as a child?
00:14:59.120 But I can just, I can just...
00:15:01.280 So, how could you not say that that trauma would affect somebody, and you'd use it as an excuse?
00:15:05.380 Because if you've seen that...
00:15:06.620 I know different types of trauma affect different kinds of people.
00:15:10.000 But I think the problem is we blame the trauma, and we remove accountability from people.
00:15:14.420 Yeah, you choose how to react from that.
00:15:16.720 Because there are children that come from the same home where the father was abusive,
00:15:20.380 and one goes on to be successful in life, and one has a completely useless life.
00:15:23.740 Can I jump in here?
00:15:24.480 I'm sorry.
00:15:24.880 By a lot of people that I met who have gone, seen stuff from child, I'm sorry,
00:15:30.060 they either carry it on, or they express it in another way, in an unhealthy way.
00:15:36.460 This is all irrelevant.
00:15:37.840 This is absolutely irrelevant.
00:15:39.000 It doesn't matter how you become traumatised, it's about how you hit your rock bottom that
00:15:44.700 forces you to go backwards.
00:15:46.200 The trauma is irrelevant.
00:15:47.600 It's the rock bottom that matters.
00:15:49.620 We're saying that sugar is a drug, right?
00:15:51.580 What happens to drug addicts?
00:15:52.780 You have a sponsor, and your sponsor might say, you know, you do like a day or two clean,
00:15:57.460 and it's, you know, well done, congratulations.
00:15:59.620 And then they get back onto the drugs, they relapse.
00:16:02.300 And their sponsor, or the, you know, the expert says, their support worker says,
00:16:06.960 you haven't hit your rock bottom.
00:16:08.540 Because they haven't.
00:16:09.680 It doesn't matter what your trauma is.
00:16:11.380 It matters what stops you from, like, going down the ladder.
00:16:14.560 I definitely, I'm going to say, I disagree with you on that in the sense because I exclusively 0.95
00:16:18.580 run a community of traumatised individuals, and our main goal is to overcome the trauma.
00:16:24.400 Because here's the thing, if you don't overcome your trauma, you're going to get caught in
00:16:28.960 a pattern of self-sabotage.
00:16:30.440 How you earlier were mentioning that, you know, people who may have gained a lot of
00:16:34.720 weight, they'll lose 100 pounds, but they're still traumatised in their head, and their
00:16:40.160 subconscious mind is still traumatised.
00:16:41.920 So they will rebound upwards, because they're going to match to what's going on here.
00:16:47.120 Because you have to come to closure with your trauma.
00:16:53.600 That's what, that's what, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, wait, wait, wait.
00:16:56.560 That's what, that's the goal of all psychological training is, it's catharsis.
00:17:01.620 Do you know what catharsis is?
00:17:02.680 Yeah.
00:17:03.120 Catharsis, you should look this up.
00:17:04.980 Catharsis is emotional release, and which is coming to closure from your troubled past,
00:17:12.300 your trauma, and all those things.
00:17:13.380 And that's why, that's why you see somebody who, like, how many people have-
00:17:18.440 But don't you think it goes back to still the person, though?
00:17:21.100 And what you choose to do with it, instead of the trauma?
00:17:23.700 Because it's like, again, you know, that's what-
00:17:25.660 Let me finish, okay.
00:17:27.560 It's like, that girl came back from, like, North Korea?
00:17:30.880 Yeah.
00:17:31.040 I mean, you've seen that, where she came out of North Korea, she literally was sold as a
00:17:35.040 sex slave to get out in China. 0.65
00:17:37.200 Yeah.
00:17:37.360 And she came back, and she's like, they were telling her to go to therapy, and she's like,
00:17:41.580 I don't even understand this.
00:17:42.880 She's like, what?
00:17:43.480 That's out of context.
00:17:44.300 And then she's talking about how her roommates, like, were going to therapy over their cheating
00:17:50.540 boyfriends.
00:17:51.100 She's like, I just don't understand this.
00:17:52.640 So the reason roommates are going-
00:17:54.220 So, like, isn't it based on, like, I just think it's based on, like, the person, you know?
00:17:59.540 Because I'll know people that, like, he was saying, they're siblings, and one will turn
00:18:03.960 out great, and one will go crazy.
00:18:05.420 Yeah, and then it goes back, but it does go back to the trauma.
00:18:08.540 I'm telling you, it's a big thing right now, and that's reason why people are so fucked
00:18:12.960 up, and what Pam was saying is true.
00:18:15.060 Like, your environments can keep you trapped in your trauma, too, as well, because, like,
00:18:20.580 you know, historically speaking, too, because not every- because another thing is this.
00:18:25.620 Not every therapist is a good therapist, first of all.
00:18:28.560 They just did what needed to be done to get their therapy license.
00:18:32.000 Oh, that's right.
00:18:32.760 Like, I would, as someone who was in school, before I failed a class, this podcast got
00:18:38.440 too big, but I did not pass, you know, to be fair, to be fair, to be fair.
00:18:44.380 But, but, I literally, most of the girls in the psych department are nuts. 1.00
00:18:49.500 Oh, my God.
00:18:50.640 I was like, I was looking around, and I was just getting a psych degree for fun.
00:18:54.400 And I wanted something easy, ironic, so I feel like I was like, but I was like, I was looking
00:18:59.640 around, and I'm like, these are the future therapists of America?
00:19:03.780 Oh, my God.
00:19:04.400 But it's not that the bitches in the- sorry, ladies. 1.00
00:19:07.340 It's not that the women in the psych departments are crazy. 0.97
00:19:11.560 They're all fucking crazy.
00:19:12.600 Have you seen the elementary school teacher department?
00:19:15.320 These girls railing coke on the weekends and going, having a wild time.
00:19:20.460 But they handle business when it comes to the children.
00:19:22.500 And I want to say that your point, to my point, was not a valid rebuttal, because I said when
00:19:26.800 you hit rock bottom, that's when things start to change.
00:19:29.300 I'm not saying that you don't need closure from your trauma, absolutely, but you can only
00:19:33.540 seek that closure once you hit that rock bottom.
00:19:37.480 So I'm not saying that you don't need closure, absolutely, but I feel like our points go
00:19:41.160 hand in hand.
00:19:41.780 I don't think that was a valid rebuttal.
00:19:43.260 You know, for me, it wasn't a rebuttal, I'm sorry, it wasn't a rebuttal, but it was
00:19:47.580 just adding on to the fact that, like, because I have seen people who've hit rock bottom and
00:19:53.280 still didn't do what was necessary to change, which was to heal that trauma, to come clear,
00:19:58.240 to come to closure with it, right?
00:20:00.500 But, because I have dealt with people, too, who have, like I said, they had hit rock bottom,
00:20:05.980 but they just, that was the new home, that was the new home, they stayed there, you know
00:20:11.580 what I mean?
00:20:11.940 I personally have never hit rock bottom with my mental health, but I was miserable enough
00:20:18.260 to be like, yo, this is something else to fucking change, you know what I mean? 0.74
00:20:21.820 So that's my big thing, because I think if we're telling everybody, get out there and
00:20:25.600 hit rock bottom, like, you know, it's just not a good thing, it's not a good thing.
00:20:32.360 But, like, what Pearl and King said, too, you know, there is an absolute truth to that 0.72
00:20:37.440 in the sense that we can't sit here and sit around and feel sorry for ourselves.
00:20:42.320 In today's modern times, like, I tell this, guys, I said, to all men, and I don't care
00:20:47.580 what you have to say, but if you're a man, and you're after the age of 35, and you're still
00:20:54.100 financially struggling, it is 10,000% your fault.
00:20:57.480 Because there's every opportunity in the world, I personally have come from every low
00:21:04.880 marker, abject poverty, physically abuse, mentally abuse, emotionally abuse, everything, and
00:21:12.360 I have made millions with my business.
00:21:14.820 And so for me, if I could do that, if I could do that, you know, I'm an exception to the rule,
00:21:23.060 but I am saying that there's possible.
00:21:25.200 Do you think focusing on trauma makes it worse?
00:21:28.220 Because I just look at, look at, I just look at the results, okay?
00:21:31.900 I'm not saying there's no exceptions to this.
00:21:34.500 And when I, when I hear girls talk about trauma for years, it just, they don't seem to get 0.99
00:21:40.840 better when they're always talking about it.
00:21:42.520 And they'll do, like, therapy for years.
00:21:49.960 I'm like, this is supposed to be, like, six months.
00:21:52.080 Because they haven't understood.
00:21:53.020 Yes.
00:21:53.480 They haven't understood.
00:21:54.680 Okay, so, I just want to walk, I just want to walk through this.
00:21:58.440 I just want to walk through this.
00:21:59.560 So if I'm, if I'm in a single, I'm, I'm grow up, I'm in a single mother home.
00:22:03.240 Okay, and the trauma was that, I don't know, she hit me and she was abusive until I was, like,
00:22:09.780 say, I don't know, 15, then I moved out.
00:22:12.240 Okay.
00:22:12.620 Now, like, what, what do you, like, so we, we talk about it with, I just want to know step
00:22:16.340 by step.
00:22:16.980 So, I want to just add something before you say something.
00:22:19.560 The majority of therapists, their goal is not to get you better, is to keep you coming
00:22:25.400 back to the next session.
00:22:26.520 Yeah.
00:22:26.940 First of all.
00:22:27.680 Yeah.
00:22:27.940 Because the majority of therapists, they, this is why I didn't pursue my doctorate in psychology.
00:22:33.400 The average prescription that they give you in the United States of America is 12 weeks
00:22:39.220 of therapy plus drugs, and I don't agree with that.
00:22:43.380 Does that mean that therapists here do not have that goal because it's, it's like free,
00:22:46.920 isn't it?
00:22:47.100 We don't pay for our prescriptions or the therapy directly or upfront.
00:22:50.020 I mean, if the government's in direct control of it, I don't trust it, personally.
00:22:54.100 Okay.
00:22:54.400 So, it's not money motivated in that sense, if you, well, I think it is money, it is money
00:22:58.660 motivated because it's subsidized by the government.
00:23:00.900 Okay.
00:23:01.600 I, I, they said that I should be, I was like, no, I don't want, I don't, I don't want to take
00:23:06.980 it.
00:23:07.220 So, it is a thing, it is a money making scheme, therapy and all this.
00:23:11.640 But you're only offered six sessions before you have.
00:23:15.320 To be honest, I've been.
00:23:16.240 Just six sessions.
00:23:17.440 It's, it's been, it's been about three years I've been waiting and I ain't had it and I've
00:23:21.200 just self.
00:23:21.760 Yeah.
00:23:21.780 All you're waiting for.
00:23:23.680 Okay.
00:23:24.140 When you're going through something, it's best to not focus on it.
00:23:28.160 Like, for example, when I came out of my trauma, I was like, okay, now I know I can see patterns.
00:23:34.140 This is what I do.
00:23:35.320 This is how I am.
00:23:36.900 I'm not going to do them.
00:23:38.060 That's it.
00:23:38.680 That's it.
00:23:39.260 And I'm not going to also tell myself I'm trauma, trauma, keep on moaning about it.
00:23:43.860 Because if you have that mentality, it's impossible.
00:23:46.380 But if you're going to say, do you know what?
00:23:47.980 I've been through that.
00:23:48.820 I'm going to forget it.
00:23:49.860 Old me, new me.
00:23:51.180 I'm going to give myself new habits.
00:23:52.860 I'm going to go for it.
00:23:54.320 It does work.
00:23:55.100 It does change.
00:23:55.900 Things change.
00:23:56.440 It does step by step.
00:23:57.360 So, okay, I was beat until I was 15.
00:23:59.660 Now, what do you, so we go to the therapist and I say, I was beat until I was 15.
00:24:05.500 Are you affected by it in any way?
00:24:08.940 Does it affect you?
00:24:09.600 Of course.
00:24:10.040 That's why we're talking about this example.
00:24:11.280 Yeah.
00:24:11.980 So, what would you, what they would end up telling you to do is you need to kind of, and it's
00:24:18.420 uncomfortable, but you have to like relive those situations.
00:24:21.560 You've got to go back.
00:24:21.900 Yeah.
00:24:22.460 Exactly.
00:24:23.120 You've got to go back.
00:24:23.500 You've got to relive those situations and then you need to identify your negative associations
00:24:29.000 with that situation that happened.
00:24:32.480 And then they teach you how to come to peace with it.
00:24:35.980 Because a lot of people, listen, that, you know, I knew that woman yesterday who mentioned
00:24:41.260 that she was S8 trafficked, right?
00:24:43.820 And this happens a lot with women who are graped, essayed, trafficked, whatever. 0.95
00:24:50.600 They don't really come to peace with what has happened to them.
00:24:54.520 So, that's why she was here and she like had to continuously mention it to us.
00:24:58.860 And we're like a group of strangers.
00:24:59.940 Like anybody with kind of regular, you know, functionalities about themselves would kind
00:25:05.800 of keep that private.
00:25:06.660 You know what I mean?
00:25:07.360 If we were trafficked across a place or we were graped for six months in a row, but she
00:25:14.200 had not come to peace with that.
00:25:16.380 And that's also why when I asked her and we had a little bit of conflict, you know, when
00:25:22.340 people are, you know, here's a good way to understand if someone's traumatized.
00:25:25.760 If you keep on trying to tell them something, they're like, keep on arguing with you.
00:25:30.020 You tell them like, calm down.
00:25:30.860 Let me make my point.
00:25:31.720 That's an indicator of a traumatized person.
00:25:34.180 Yeah.
00:25:34.400 Really?
00:25:34.820 I think that's just an indicator.
00:25:36.220 I just think that's an indicator of an asshole.
00:25:38.220 No, no.
00:25:38.640 It is literally their trauma.
00:25:40.420 Listen, their trauma is built up and they can't even help themselves.
00:25:44.660 I couldn't.
00:25:45.180 And they have to like come out and say these things over and over again.
00:25:48.440 I kept oversharing.
00:25:49.800 But I was like, okay, we go back and I say, okay, this is what happened.
00:25:53.360 She beat me. 0.98
00:25:54.180 And then I like, and what?
00:25:55.260 So now they say, accept it.
00:25:56.660 I say, okay, I've accepted.
00:25:58.040 So they can't accept it because when you're beaten, it's like, it's literally broken into
00:26:03.480 your mind.
00:26:04.280 In your mind, it's, there's almost a point where you have to, you need to blame somebody or
00:26:09.580 something.
00:26:09.880 Yeah.
00:26:10.480 So you have to understand that it's not your fault that you, you did not bring this
00:26:16.240 on yourself.
00:26:17.100 That was the other person's actions that you didn't have control over.
00:26:20.720 So when you understand that part of the trauma, I know that it was, it was nothing that you
00:26:25.900 could have done to prevent that.
00:26:26.860 And it was not your behavior.
00:26:28.240 You are not responsible for other people's behavior.
00:26:30.340 Yeah.
00:26:31.020 Yeah.
00:26:31.560 See, I don't know.
00:26:32.460 This stuff might work.
00:26:33.620 Like it might.
00:26:35.220 But, but it just, to me, like outside looking in, it seems nuts.
00:26:39.920 It's because you're not traumatized.
00:26:41.500 No, no, it's not because, it's because I do these shows and all these girls will tell 1.00
00:26:44.880 me about their therapy and then they'll still, like everyone, like, because you guys, you
00:26:49.340 guys, I know, but I'm saying like, you guys were saying you guys are healed, but you both
00:26:52.880 brought up your trauma on the show.
00:26:54.320 Isn't that you talking about it, which you say you wouldn't do.
00:26:57.100 Right, because it was context to the situation.
00:26:58.900 Yeah, which is, you know, fine.
00:27:00.420 I'm not, but it just doesn't seem to like match with what I see, like people getting better
00:27:05.340 from this stuff.
00:27:06.260 It might.
00:27:06.860 I don't know.
00:27:07.200 I've never gone through it.
00:27:08.360 I feel like it's like, it just, it just seems like the majority of people go to therapy
00:27:13.660 and they get worse.
00:27:14.560 No.
00:27:14.860 So I would agree with you.
00:27:16.340 And like I said earlier, traditional therapy is not the answer, right?
00:27:21.540 People like, I have a friend, okay.
00:27:23.360 And he went to 15 years of CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, right?
00:27:28.680 And he said it resolved about 5% of his traumas.
00:27:32.780 But once he started doing hypnotherapy and getting down to the core issues, because when
00:27:38.960 you're traumatized, okay, when you're traumatized, your subconscious mind, which controls everything
00:27:45.820 about you, that is what is permanently damaged.
00:27:50.480 And once that's damaged, it produces a damaged person.
00:27:54.120 That's why you'll take somebody who is addicted to drugs, right?
00:27:56.860 You'll put them in the countryside of Wichita, Kansas.
00:27:59.220 They'll be a farmer or whatever, but somehow they'll sneak out in the middle of the night
00:28:03.860 and they'll find crack.
00:28:04.640 Yeah.
00:28:05.040 Because at their subconscious mind, they're traumatized as who they are.
00:28:10.080 That's their identity.
00:28:11.440 Yeah.
00:28:12.040 You know, and like I said, you were raised in an extremely well, like healthy household.
00:28:18.240 Same thing with Myron, too.
00:28:19.460 Like you guys are both like, you both like say like trauma is not real and stuff.
00:28:22.960 You know, even Tate, too, right?
00:28:24.320 You guys, all three are like very similar in that sense.
00:28:27.660 But it's hard for non-traumatized people to understand the reality of people who were.
00:28:32.420 Like I was viciously beaten as a kid.
00:28:34.360 Like, and this is not me trauma dumping, like, oh, feel sorry for me.
00:28:37.720 But like, you know, when I was like eight years old, I got held up against a wall and
00:28:41.100 I was hit repeatedly, repeatedly.
00:28:42.900 I saw my blood splat up against this white wall, right?
00:28:46.980 As an eight-year-old child, nine-year-old child.
00:28:49.300 This happened for a couple of years, right?
00:28:52.040 That shit fucks with your reality.
00:28:54.560 It fucks with your permanent perception of reality.
00:28:57.880 And people just, we're still at this point right now where it's just hard to understand
00:29:03.740 these things.
00:29:04.820 And it's hard to overcome them.
00:29:06.440 I was lucky enough to come upon a group of people through my community as I started my
00:29:11.020 YouTube channel.
00:29:11.840 And if you watch my YouTube from now, like now, watch me in 2019, 2020.
00:29:16.240 I was like way more toxic, way more like unrefined that I am now.
00:29:20.920 And so it's a very complex puzzle to solve.
00:29:24.520 But if you do do research into understanding the majority of psychological problems that
00:29:30.440 are haunting people right now, it is trauma.
00:29:33.520 And then the goal of all therapy is catharsis, which is emotional release, which brings closure
00:29:39.740 to those traumas.
00:29:41.040 You can kick me off now.
00:29:42.420 It's okay.
00:29:44.000 But I actually agree with Paul's point.
00:29:46.080 I just think the solution to solving all these trauma things is not actually relieving it
00:29:52.840 or talking about it.
00:29:54.020 I think it's actually going out there and doing incremental steps towards actually doing
00:29:58.320 different things in terms of self-improvement.
00:30:01.720 Yes.
00:30:02.060 I agree with the solution.
00:30:04.040 Go to the gym.
00:30:05.080 Learn how to fight.
00:30:06.020 But you can't poo-poo people's trauma because everybody's got their own trauma and it affects
00:30:11.760 them in their own individual ways.
00:30:13.600 So I think it's the solution.
00:30:16.000 Yeah, I agree.
00:30:16.760 But the solution is still the same.
00:30:18.080 Yeah, it is.
00:30:18.920 But people's trauma is not.
00:30:20.560 Well, and I'm also tired of people that aren't really traumatized saying that they're traumatized.
00:30:26.020 Like, okay, that's real.
00:30:28.160 Like, okay, well, you were talking about that.
00:30:29.580 That's a real thing.
00:30:30.420 But it's like these girls will come on. 0.98
00:30:32.540 Oh, my cheat.
00:30:33.320 You got cheated on.
00:30:34.440 Okay.
00:30:34.540 So did everybody.
00:30:38.500 Here's another thing, too.
00:30:39.640 When it comes to trauma, right?
00:30:40.720 Because that's a fucking new trend, like the TikTok trauma dump, right?
00:30:44.700 There's a lot of girls because, listen, when you are a traumatized person, you want to
00:30:49.980 be heard.
00:30:51.280 You want people to tell you everything's okay, right?
00:30:54.320 And so these girls vent on TikTok. 1.00
00:30:57.280 And what do they do?
00:30:58.140 What happens?
00:30:59.300 They get the dopamine that they need.
00:31:01.920 They get the, what is it, the validation.
00:31:04.940 They get the dopamine validation.
00:31:06.520 And then they're like, fuck it, I'm going to be, like, fucked up trauma dump girl, right?
00:31:10.520 But that's why, that's why you see these girls. 1.00
00:31:12.340 Like, when you see the majority of these girls, like, fresh and fit, all this shit. 1.00
00:31:15.680 And, like, they're just so rude.
00:31:17.300 And they can't, like, stop, like, you know, cutting off the host.
00:31:20.920 Because why?
00:31:21.900 He says something that triggers her.
00:31:24.780 And then she can't stop that emotional dump and emotional release because she's a traumatized individual.
00:31:30.280 So, that's my biggest thing.
00:31:32.140 I am not saying for excuses.
00:31:33.500 How do you know she's not just an asshole?
00:31:35.820 That could be it, too.
00:31:37.300 That could be it, too.
00:31:40.340 Yeah, yeah, that could be it, too.
00:31:42.180 We all do, like, attention.
00:31:44.240 Yeah.
00:31:44.820 For sure.
00:31:45.740 For sure.
00:31:47.420 I'm going to give, I'm going to give a trauma card.
00:31:50.680 Like, real trauma card.
00:31:52.200 Go on.
00:31:52.620 Where it only counts.
00:31:54.480 I mean, we can add to this list if you think I'm being, okay.
00:31:57.180 But I only get that final six.
00:31:59.040 This is my show.
00:31:59.760 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok.
00:32:03.660 And we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
00:32:08.180 If you want to help, please consider sending a super thanks below.
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