JustPearlyThings - March 21, 2023


What A Traditional Relationship Should Look Like

Topics
traditional relationship
Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
Mentioned
Tik Tok Yaris Benz
What Women SHOULD BRING In A RELATIONSHIP Aunty Jenny Got Tired Of Her BS

Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

186.54

Word count

2,369

Sentence count

294

Harmful content

Misogyny

6

sentences flagged

Toxicity

4

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss what it means to be in a traditional relationship and how it has impacted our views on modern relationships. Do you have ever been in a 'traditional' relationship? Have you ever felt like you were the domineering one in a relationship, or the one who led?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Can, can modern relationships work? So my question is for do you for the single people have you ever been in a traditional relationship?
00:00:12.000 Or and people in a relationship? Sorry. For the people in a relationship. Are you in a traditional relationship? And for the single people have you ever been in a traditional relationship? And how did you like it?
00:00:22.000 What do you mean by traditional?
00:00:25.000 Just like what you think of when you think of like, like the man pays for everything, he leads, you follow, like that sort of thing.
00:00:33.000 Okay, do you want me to answer that?
00:00:35.000 Yes.
00:00:36.000 Well, yeah, why don't we start here and then go around. Go ahead. Sorry.
00:00:44.000 I guess yes, in some aspects, like he would lead and I would follow.
00:00:49.000 Um, he paid. Yeah, he paid for everything unless like I offered and said, Oh, I've got it this time.
00:00:57.000 Um, that's I guess as traditional because we didn't live together. And honestly, we weren't married.
00:01:03.000 Okay. Okay. What about you?
00:01:05.000 I don't think I have been in a traditional relationship as such, but it was all very 50 50. 1.00
00:01:11.000 He didn't really lead much. So yeah, I don't think I have no.
00:01:16.000 Okay. No, never been the traditional relationship.
00:01:19.000 No.
00:01:20.000 Okay.
00:01:22.000 Um, yes. So I'm married and I, I hesitate because we have a blended family.
00:01:30.000 So it's not traditional in a sense of like nuclear, uh, we got together and had babies.
00:01:34.000 Um, but we had children before we got together and got married and now we're a blended family.
00:01:42.000 But, um, in a sense of like roles.
00:01:45.000 Um, yes, I am. I am a traditional wife and yeah, I follow his lead and yeah, essentially he leads the family.
00:01:56.000 Um, I've been married before, so I'm divorced, but I wasn't in a traditional marriage or relationship.
00:02:07.000 What made it not traditional?
00:02:09.000 Um, I guess I was in my masculine energy and I, I was doing everything essentially.
00:02:21.000 And he was, um, not really the man that I, I want, um, that I now want, you know, after some searching and understanding what my role is as a woman, what I would ideally like from a man and what they want from women more importantly.
00:02:39.000 Um, so yeah, that's what.
00:02:42.000 When you say in your masculine, what do you mean by that?
00:02:45.000 Um, so I made the decisions for the family.
00:02:48.000 Oh, okay.
00:02:49.000 Um, financially and more, um, just everything really.
00:02:55.000 I just kind of felt like, uh, I mean, I don't want to be too disrespectful here cause you know, he's the father of my kid.
00:03:02.000 And, um, there's certain boundaries that you don't talk about on air, but I, I was in my masculine energy.
00:03:09.000 Okay.
00:03:10.000 Okay.
00:03:11.000 Go ahead.
00:03:12.000 Um, I think to an extent my relationship was quite traditional, but I think when it comes to like,
00:03:18.000 personality and stuff, I think I was more of the domineering character compared to him.
00:03:24.000 So I would say in that sense, I kind of witnessed that I was more of the leader than he was.
00:03:29.000 And I think that's probably why like things didn't really work out between us.
00:03:32.000 But yeah.
00:03:33.000 Yeah.
00:03:34.000 Yeah.
00:03:35.000 Auntie.
00:03:36.000 I think, um, the relationship I'm in now.
00:03:39.000 Yeah.
00:03:40.000 He leads.
00:03:41.000 Perfect previous relationship.
00:03:42.000 I've tried to make them lead and they've been able to, so I just had to go.
00:03:46.000 Mm-hmm.
00:03:47.000 Just forcing them to lead.
00:03:48.000 Mm-hmm.
00:03:49.000 Cause some men just don't want to lead.
00:03:50.000 Mm-hmm.
00:03:51.000 Some men just don't know how to lead.
00:03:52.000 Mm-hmm.
00:03:53.000 Or they can't.
00:03:54.000 Yeah.
00:03:55.000 The one that I've got now he can, he does.
00:03:56.000 Mm-hmm.
00:03:57.000 So for the girls that said, cause I think you two said you've never been in a traditional
00:04:02.000 relationship.
00:04:03.000 Do you guys enjoy, did you enjoy being in a more modern relationship?
00:04:07.000 Do you want to answer that first?
00:04:10.000 Definitely not.
00:04:11.000 No.
00:04:12.000 I'm very, I'm quite old school, even though I'm young, like I've got quite old soul and
00:04:17.000 I've always wanted, you know, just to be one man for my whole life.
00:04:20.000 And it just wasn't that he wasn't giving me that he wasn't really at the beginning.
00:04:25.000 He was putting in a lot of effort, but towards the end, it wasn't really there.
00:04:28.000 And that's why I probably ended.
00:04:32.000 What was, what was the question again?
00:04:35.000 What was it like being in a modern relationship?
00:04:38.000 Did you enjoy it?
00:04:39.000 And is that something you'd want in the future?
00:04:42.000 Sorry.
00:04:43.000 I think of these questions.
00:04:44.000 It's such a broad question.
00:04:45.000 Elements of it.
00:04:46.000 I enjoyed.
00:04:47.000 However, I don't know, I feel like, um, so my biggest fear, my biggest fear is financially
00:04:57.000 depending on somebody.
00:04:58.000 It's my, it terrifies me.
00:05:02.000 I never, ever, ever want to co-own a home with someone.
00:05:05.000 I never want to co-own a business with someone.
00:05:07.000 I never want to be financially tied to a man.
00:05:09.000 Because I've seen so many women in my life be absolutely dictated financially by men.
00:05:14.000 There's no hate on men.
00:05:15.000 Men are wonderful.
00:05:16.000 I know some amazing men, but no one's ever made me feel safe enough to embrace my feminine
00:05:21.000 side with a man, which is why I've always had my own businesses.
00:05:27.000 I have my own car.
00:05:29.000 Getting a bit emotional.
00:05:31.000 Yeah.
00:05:32.000 I can hear it.
00:05:33.000 Yeah.
00:05:34.000 I went through something really wild recently.
00:05:39.000 My ex committed identity theft fraud against me with his mum.
00:05:43.000 That's what my EP is about.
00:05:45.000 I'm not even using that as an excuse to plug myself.
00:05:48.000 I'm just being transparent.
00:05:49.000 Because it justifies.
00:05:51.000 I don't trust anyone to take care of me.
00:05:54.000 I got this.
00:05:55.000 And until I meet someone that makes me feel safe enough emotionally, spiritually and physically,
00:06:01.000 then I will consider being in a traditional relationship.
00:06:08.000 I'm good.
00:06:09.000 I'm not even crying.
00:06:10.000 Thank you.
00:06:11.000 Thank you though.
00:06:12.000 Thanks.
00:06:13.000 Do you think that's going to be hard for the next guy?
00:06:18.000 Yeah.
00:06:19.000 Because it's like, he kind of has to deal with the mistakes of like your past in a way.
00:06:23.000 Yeah, you know, it already has been hard for the next guy and the guy after that and the
00:06:29.000 guy after that.
00:06:30.000 Not that, not that I'm, you know, moving about in different ways, but you know, I go out a
00:06:35.000 lot.
00:06:36.000 I have a very social job.
00:06:37.000 Like I perform for a living.
00:06:38.000 I sing.
00:06:39.000 So I meet a lot of people and I've met some wonderful people.
00:06:42.000 But there's something within me that's just like, but can I trust you?
00:06:46.000 Have I known you long enough?
00:06:47.000 Because the guy that was with last time was one of my best friends.
00:06:50.000 And I knew him for a couple of years before I was with him.
00:06:54.000 And then to do that and other things, which I can't discuss.
00:06:57.000 I'm like, well, who can I trust?
00:06:59.000 So can I ask a question?
00:07:01.000 Do you, at what point do you think you need to do some healing?
00:07:06.000 I, you know, the sad thing is.
00:07:08.000 And I don't mean that disrespectfully.
00:07:09.000 I hope you.
00:07:10.000 No, I don't take it disrespectfully.
00:07:12.000 The bad, the sad thing is I've already done so much healing.
00:07:15.000 With all due respect, it doesn't sound like it though.
00:07:18.000 I know, I know.
00:07:20.000 What healing have you done?
00:07:21.000 Do you know, I ran to the other side of the world.
00:07:24.000 I just got back from Australia.
00:07:25.000 I spent six weeks traveling around Australia.
00:07:28.000 And this is because when I broke up with him after I found out about the fraud,
00:07:33.000 other women from his past were coming forward to me, messaging me.
00:07:37.000 And these are all women that he smear campaign saying, 0.98
00:07:40.000 that one's used to beat me up. 1.00
00:07:42.000 She was a drug addict. 1.00
00:07:43.000 She was an alcoholic. 0.98
00:07:44.000 So I blocked them all thinking it was true.
00:07:46.000 And out of curiosity, I unblocked them because I knew they were trying to reach out to me.
00:07:50.000 And one by one, they slowly came forward to me with their screenshots and their truths and their lovely, educated women.
00:07:56.000 And it frightened me because I was sharing a bed with this person.
00:08:00.000 You know, I was living with him.
00:08:02.000 I was running a business from his home.
00:08:04.000 And all of a sudden I'm discovering all of these things I had no idea he was capable of.
00:08:09.000 And they're such nice women. 0.99
00:08:10.000 They're my friends now.
00:08:11.000 They helped me.
00:08:12.000 You're friends with his ex?
00:08:14.000 I'm friends with them.
00:08:15.000 Yeah.
00:08:16.000 Couple of them.
00:08:17.000 But like, how do you heal if you're friends with his past?
00:08:19.000 I would say that's trauma bonding.
00:08:21.000 Because they justify it.
00:08:22.000 I understand.
00:08:23.000 I think you're right.
00:08:24.000 However, they justified everything I went through was real.
00:08:26.000 Because you go through this thing called cognitive dissonance when you're trying to break a trauma bomb with someone.
00:08:30.000 And it's where you try and justify their behavior.
00:08:33.000 But they were really nice.
00:08:34.000 They were so good to me.
00:08:35.000 They validated my feelings.
00:08:37.000 But simultaneously, they're emotionally abusing you by doing other things.
00:08:41.000 Isolating you.
00:08:42.000 Lying to you. 0.97
00:08:43.000 I think that's what we do as women though. 1.00
00:08:44.000 We come together and then we talk about, you know, he done this, she done that.
00:08:47.000 Yeah, of course.
00:08:48.000 And then there's no actual healing that's being done.
00:08:50.000 Yeah.
00:08:51.000 So whether it's spiritually, whether it's mentally, you know, talking to a therapist, talking to someone that you trust, getting it out.
00:08:58.000 And then it won't be so hard on the next guy that comes along.
00:09:01.000 And it won't be hard on you.
00:09:02.000 Has this been a pattern or has it just been him?
00:09:05.000 I mean, obviously that's pretty far, but has it been a pattern of like toxic guys in a way?
00:09:10.000 I've had some lovely guys.
00:09:12.000 And then some not so.
00:09:15.000 The others, I think they were just young.
00:09:17.000 I don't think they're bad people.
00:09:19.000 I don't even think this last one is a bad person.
00:09:22.000 I just think he's not.
00:09:23.000 You don't think he's a bad person?
00:09:27.000 He has.
00:09:28.000 I do.
00:09:29.000 He has.
00:09:30.000 Me too.
00:09:31.000 I don't know.
00:09:32.000 He committed identity.
00:09:33.000 With his mum.
00:09:34.000 Premeditated.
00:09:35.000 And it made you move to Australia for six weeks.
00:09:37.000 He can to use you.
00:09:38.000 And be friends with his ex.
00:09:40.000 Sorry.
00:09:41.000 I don't know if he's bad or he's just unwell.
00:09:44.000 You know, I know he had borderline personality disorder.
00:09:46.000 I know when I got with him, he was severely anorexic.
00:09:48.000 He had a lot of demons that I tried to help him with.
00:09:52.000 And equally, I'm not going to lie.
00:09:53.000 He helped me with mine.
00:09:54.000 So that's why I don't know if he's bad or if he was just, he couldn't stand the thought
00:09:58.000 of me leaving him.
00:09:59.000 Did you know there was demons like early on?
00:10:00.000 When we were friends?
00:10:01.000 No.
00:10:02.000 No.
00:10:03.000 But when you started dating him, you kind of saw a couple red flags early on.
00:10:06.000 Oh yeah.
00:10:07.000 When it started interfering with my work.
00:10:08.000 So I'm assuming that like you had, have guy friends that I'm sure would date you, right?
00:10:14.000 Come on.
00:10:15.000 Yeah.
00:10:16.000 I mean, she's a pretty girl. 0.53
00:10:17.000 Yeah.
00:10:18.000 Yeah.
00:10:19.000 So, so, so what made you go with like the toxic guy over the nice guy?
00:10:23.000 It was exciting.
00:10:24.000 What?
00:10:25.000 It was exciting.
00:10:26.000 Do you know what?
00:10:27.000 I will be so honest about this.
00:10:28.000 I appreciate the honesty.
00:10:30.000 And I think this is where my growth period happened.
00:10:33.000 I, before him, I always wanted to be that girl that could be taken care of, be driven
00:10:38.000 around in a nice car, taken out to nice meals, bought nice bags, nice jewelry.
00:10:42.000 Cause I never, you know, I never had a guy that did that until my ex.
00:10:45.000 He bought me, he did all of that for me.
00:10:47.000 And until I found myself sitting in that Benz with the heated seats, I was like, I'm really
00:10:51.000 unhappy.
00:10:52.000 Cause this man does not love himself enough to be with me.
00:10:55.000 He doesn't know who he is.
00:10:56.000 He's unhappy.
00:10:57.000 He takes it out on me cause he's not secure within himself.
00:11:01.000 And now I drive around in my little Toyota Yaris and I'm just like, you know what?
00:11:06.000 This is all I need.
00:11:07.000 I'm happy now.
00:11:08.000 I'm good.
00:11:09.000 Um, I can't remember your question.
00:11:12.000 So, so, so you, you almost put up with more because he was rich.
00:11:17.000 I think it was more, I think at the beginning that enticed me, but it wasn't that I actually
00:11:24.000 loved him.
00:11:25.000 100%.
00:11:26.000 I loved him.
00:11:27.000 You didn't love him.
00:11:28.000 I did love him.
00:11:29.000 We were best friends.
00:11:30.000 You just said it was because of like the cars and.
00:11:32.000 It enticed me, it enticed me, but he didn't, he didn't maintain me.
00:11:36.000 I financed myself.
00:11:37.000 He tried to buy me a car.
00:11:38.000 I said, no, try to invest in my business.
00:11:40.000 I said, no, he tried to buy me a phone.
00:11:41.000 I said, no, because I even back then I was aware that if we break up, you're going to
00:11:46.000 turn around and say, give me that back.
00:11:47.000 Now I don't want to ever be in that position.
00:11:49.000 So no, you know, it enticed me that he could take care of himself.
00:11:54.000 He had all these things.
00:11:55.000 It inspired me.
00:11:56.000 I'm not a gold digger.
00:11:57.000 Otherwise I would have accepted all those things he offered me.
00:12:01.000 It was more, I was inspired by his lifestyle.
00:12:04.000 I wanted that for myself.
00:12:05.000 That's what I'm trying to do.
00:12:06.000 Inspired by his life.
00:12:07.000 What does that mean?
00:12:08.000 He could drive that car.
00:12:09.000 He owned that car.
00:12:10.000 He's younger than me.
00:12:11.000 I'm like, wow, I want that.
00:12:13.000 Okay.
00:12:14.000 So I just, it just, I'm just confused.
00:12:15.000 Cause it kind of, it kind of is like, you're saying the same thing.
00:12:18.000 Okay.
00:12:19.000 Okay.
00:12:20.000 You just wanted like the hey, hey life.
00:12:21.000 Really?
00:12:22.000 Yeah.
00:12:23.000 I'm not faulting you for it.
00:12:24.000 No, you're fine.
00:12:25.000 That's cool.
00:12:26.000 Okay.
00:12:27.000 As many of you know, I was just banned on Tik Tok and we are demonetized on a daily basis
00:12:32.000 on this platform.
00:12:34.000 If you want to help, please consider sending a super thanks below.
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