When Modern Women Regret Feminism
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
181.19272
Summary
In this episode, we discuss what it means to be in a traditional relationship, what it s like being in a modern relationship and how it has impacted our views on modern relationships. We also discuss the difference between a traditional and modern relationship.
Transcript
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modern relationships work so my question is for do you for the single people have
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you ever been in a traditional relationship or and people in a
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relation sorry for the people in a relationship are you in a traditional
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relationship and for the single people have you ever been in a traditional
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relationship and how did you like it well what do you mean by traditional um
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just like what you think of when you think of like like the man's pays for
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everything he he leads you follow like that sort of thing okay do you want me to
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answer that um yes oh yeah why don't we start yeah and go around yeah sorry um
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i i guess yes in some aspects like he would lead and i would follow um he paid
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yeah he paid for everything unless like i offered and said oh i've got it this
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time um that's either i guess as traditional because we didn't live
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together and honestly we weren't married okay okay what about you i don't think i
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have been in a traditional relationship as such but it was all very 50 50 he
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didn't really lead much so yeah i don't think i have no okay no never been the
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traditional relationship okay um yes so i'm married and i um i hesitate because we
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have a blended family so it's not traditional in a sense of like nuclear we
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got together and had babies um but we had children before we got together and got
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married and now we're a blended family but um in a sense of like roles um yes i am i am a
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traditional wire and yeah i follow his lead and yeah essentially he leads the
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um i've been married before so i'm divorced but i wasn't in a traditional marriage or
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relationship what made it not traditional um i guess i was in my masculine energy
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and uh i i was doing everything essentially and he was um not really the man that i i want um that
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i now want you know after some searching and understanding what my role is as a woman what
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i would ideally like from a man and what they want from women more importantly um so yeah that's what
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when you say in your masculine what do you mean by that um so i made the decisions for the family
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oh okay um financially and more um just everything really i just kind of felt like
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uh i mean i don't want to be too disrespectful here because you know he's the father of my kid
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and um there's certain boundaries that you don't talk about on there but i i was in my masculine energy
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okay okay go ahead um i think to an extent my relationship was quite traditional but i think
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when it comes to like personality and stuff i think i was more the domineering character compared to him
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so i would say in that sense i kind of witnessed that i was more the leader than he was and i think
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that's probably why like things didn't really work out between us but yeah
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auntie i think um the relationship i'm in now yeah he leads i think previous relationship i've
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tried to make them lead and they've been able to so i just had to go
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just forcing them to lead because some men just don't want to lead some men just don't know how to
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lead or they can't yeah the one i've got now he can he does so for the girls that said because i
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think you two said you've never been in a traditional relationship do you guys enjoy did you enjoy being
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in a more modern relationship do you want to answer that first definitely not no i'm very i'm quite old
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school even though i'm young like i've got quite old soul and i've always wanted you know just to be
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one man for my whole life and it just wasn't that he wasn't giving me that he wasn't really
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at the beginning he was putting in a lot of effort but towards the end it wasn't really there
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what was it like being in a modern relationship did you enjoy it
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and is that something you'd want in the future sorry i think these questions
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it's such a broad question elements of it i enjoyed
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however i don't know i feel like um so my biggest fear my biggest fear is financially
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depending on somebody it's my it terrifies me i never ever ever want to co-own a home with someone
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i never want to co-own a business with someone i never want to be financially tied to a man
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because i've seen so many women in my life be absolutely dictated financially by men there's no
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hate on men men are wonderful i know some amazing men but no one's ever made me feel safe enough to
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embrace my feminine side with a man which is why i've always had my own businesses
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i have my own car getting a bit emotional yeah i can hear it yeah
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my ex committed identity theft fraud against me with his mom
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that's what my ep is about i'm not even using that as an excuse to plug myself i'm just being transparent
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because it justifies i don't trust anyone to take care of me i got this and until i meet someone
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that makes me feel safe enough emotionally spiritually and physically
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then i will consider being in a traditional relationship
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oh i'm good i'm not even crying thank you thank you though thanks um do you think that's going to
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be hard for the for the next guy yeah because it's like he kind of has to deal with the mistakes of
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like your past in a way yeah you know it already has been hard for the next guy and the guy after
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that and the guy after that not that not that i'm you know moving about in different ways but you
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know i go out a lot i have a very social job like i perform for a living i sing so i meet a lot of
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people and i've met some wonderful people but there's something within me that's just like but
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can i trust you have i known you long enough because the guy that was with last time was one of my best
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friends and i knew him for a couple of years before i was with him and then to do that
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and other things which i can't discuss i'm like well who can i trust
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so can i ask a question do you at what point do you think you need to do some healing i you know
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and i don't mean that disrespectfully i hope you no i don't take it disrespectfully the bad the sad
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thing is i've already done so much healing with all due respect it doesn't sound like it i know
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i know what healing have you done do you know i ran to the other side of the world i just got
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back from australia i spent six weeks traveling around australia and this is because when i broke
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up with him after i found out about the fraud other women from his past were coming forward to me
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messaging me and these are women that he smear campaign saying that one's uh used to beat me up
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she was a drug addict she was an alcoholic so i blocked them all thinking it was true
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and out of curiosity i unblocked them because i knew they were trying to reach out to me
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and one by one they slowly came forward to me with their screenshots and their truths and their
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lovely educated women and it frightened me because i was sharing a bed with this person you know i was
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living with him i was running a business from his home and all of a sudden i'm discovering all of
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these things i i had no idea he was capable of and they're such nice women they're my friends now
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they help me you're friends with his ex i'm friends with them yeah a couple of them but like
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how do you heal if you're friends with his past i would say that's because they justify i understand
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i think you're right however they justified everything i went through was real because
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you go through this thing called cognitive dissonance when you're trying to break a trauma
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bomb with someone and it's where you try and justify their behavior but they were really nice
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they were so good to me they validated my feelings but simultaneously they're emotionally abusing
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you by doing other things isolating you i think that's what we do as women though we come together
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and then we talk about you know he done this she done that yeah of course and then there's no actual
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healing that's being done yeah so whether it's spiritually whether it's mentally you know talking
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to a therapist talking to someone that you trust getting it out and then it won't be so hard on the
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next guy that comes along and it won't be hard on you has has this been a pattern or has it just been
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him i mean obviously that's pretty far but has it been a pattern of like toxic guys in a way i've
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had some lovely guys and then some not so i the others i think they were just young i don't think
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they're bad people i don't even think this last one is a bad person i just think he's not
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you don't think he's a you don't think he's a bad person he has i do he has i'd meet i don't know
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committed identity do you know with his mom premeditated and it made you move to australia
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for six weeks and to use you i'm gonna be friends with his ex sorry i don't know if he's bad or he's
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just done well you know i know he had borderline personality disorder i know when i got with him he
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was severely anorexic he had a lot of demons that i tried to help him with and equally i'm not gonna
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lie he helped me with mine so that's why i don't know if he's bad or if he was just he couldn't
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stand the thought of me leaving did you know there was demons like early on when we were friends no
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no but when you started dating him you kind of saw a couple red flags early on oh yeah when it
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started interviewing with my work so i'm assuming that like you had have guy friends that i'm sure
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would date you right yeah come on yeah i mean she's a pretty girl yeah yeah so so so what made
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you go with like the toxic guy over the nice guy it was exciting what it was exciting do you know what
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i will be so honest about this i appreciate the honesty and um i think this is where my growth
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period happened i before him i always wanted to be that girl that could be taken care of be driven
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around in a nice car taken out to nice meals bought nice bags nice jewelry because i never
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you know i never had a guy that did that until my ex he bought me he did all of that for me
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and until i found myself sitting in that benz with the heated seats i was like i'm really unhappy
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because this man does not love himself enough to be with me he doesn't know who he is he's unhappy
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he takes it out on me because he's not secure within himself and now i drive around in my little
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toyota yaris and i'm just like you know what this is all i need i'm happy now i'm good
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um i can't remember your question so sorry so so you you almost put up with more because he was
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rich i think it was more i think at the beginning that enticed me but it wasn't that i actually loved
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him 100 i loved him you didn't love him i did love him you just you just said it was because of like
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the cars and it enticed me it enticed me but he didn't he didn't maintain me i financed myself he
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tried to buy me a car i said no tried to invest in my business i said no he tried to buy me a phone i
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said no because i even back then i was aware that if we break up you're going to turn around and say
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give me that back now i don't want to ever be in that position so no you know it enticed me that he
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could take care of himself he had all these things it inspired me i'm not a gold digger otherwise i
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would have accepted all those things he offered me it was more i was inspired by his lifestyle i
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wanted that for myself that's what inspired by his life what does that mean he could drive that car he
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owned that car he's younger than me i'm like wow i want that okay so i just it just i'm just confused
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because it kind of it kind of is like you're saying the same thing okay okay you just wanted like the
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hey hey life really yeah i'm not faulting you for it no you're fine yeah it's cool as many of you
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know i was just banned on tiktok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
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