JustPearlyThings - When Modern Women Regret Feminism

00:00:00.000 modern relationships work so my question is for do you for the single people have

00:00:08.060 you ever been in a traditional relationship or and people in a

00:00:11.280 relation sorry for the people in a relationship are you in a traditional

00:00:15.000 relationship and for the single people have you ever been in a traditional

00:00:18.120 relationship and how did you like it well what do you mean by traditional um

00:00:23.640 just like what you think of when you think of like like the man's pays for

00:00:27.040 everything he he leads you follow like that sort of thing okay do you want me to

00:00:32.780 answer that um yes oh yeah why don't we start yeah and go around yeah sorry um

00:00:39.580 i i guess yes in some aspects like he would lead and i would follow um he paid

00:00:49.800 yeah he paid for everything unless like i offered and said oh i've got it this

00:00:54.780 time um that's either i guess as traditional because we didn't live

00:00:59.240 together and honestly we weren't married okay okay what about you i don't think i

00:01:05.260 have been in a traditional relationship as such but it was all very 50 50 he

00:01:10.780 didn't really lead much so yeah i don't think i have no okay no never been the

00:01:17.120 traditional relationship okay um yes so i'm married and i um i hesitate because we

00:01:28.000 have a blended family so it's not traditional in a sense of like nuclear we

00:01:32.380 got together and had babies um but we had children before we got together and got

00:01:38.200 married and now we're a blended family but um in a sense of like roles um yes i am i am a

00:01:46.560 traditional wire and yeah i follow his lead and yeah essentially he leads the

00:01:53.700 family

00:01:54.020 um i've been married before so i'm divorced but i wasn't in a traditional marriage or

00:02:03.880 relationship what made it not traditional um i guess i was in my masculine energy

00:02:13.020 and uh i i was doing everything essentially and he was um not really the man that i i want um that

00:02:28.080 i now want you know after some searching and understanding what my role is as a woman what 0.56

00:02:33.320 i would ideally like from a man and what they want from women more importantly um so yeah that's what 0.52

00:02:40.840 when you say in your masculine what do you mean by that um so i made the decisions for the family

00:02:46.200 oh okay um financially and more um just everything really i just kind of felt like

00:02:54.780 uh i mean i don't want to be too disrespectful here because you know he's the father of my kid

00:03:00.360 and um there's certain boundaries that you don't talk about on there but i i was in my masculine energy

00:03:07.660 okay okay go ahead um i think to an extent my relationship was quite traditional but i think

00:03:16.640 when it comes to like personality and stuff i think i was more the domineering character compared to him

00:03:21.820 so i would say in that sense i kind of witnessed that i was more the leader than he was and i think

00:03:27.800 that's probably why like things didn't really work out between us but yeah

00:03:31.140 auntie i think um the relationship i'm in now yeah he leads i think previous relationship i've

00:03:41.140 tried to make them lead and they've been able to so i just had to go

00:03:44.060 just forcing them to lead because some men just don't want to lead some men just don't know how to

00:03:50.920 lead or they can't yeah the one i've got now he can he does so for the girls that said because i

00:03:57.940 think you two said you've never been in a traditional relationship do you guys enjoy did you enjoy being

00:04:03.280 in a more modern relationship do you want to answer that first definitely not no i'm very i'm quite old

00:04:12.360 school even though i'm young like i've got quite old soul and i've always wanted you know just to be

00:04:16.720 one man for my whole life and it just wasn't that he wasn't giving me that he wasn't really

00:04:22.840 at the beginning he was putting in a lot of effort but towards the end it wasn't really there

00:04:26.840 and that's why i probably ended

00:04:28.580 what was what was the question again

00:04:32.260 what was it like being in a modern relationship did you enjoy it

00:04:37.660 and is that something you'd want in the future sorry i think these questions

00:04:42.520 it's such a broad question elements of it i enjoyed

00:04:45.480 however i don't know i feel like um so my biggest fear my biggest fear is financially

00:04:55.360 depending on somebody it's my it terrifies me i never ever ever want to co-own a home with someone

00:05:02.980 i never want to co-own a business with someone i never want to be financially tied to a man

00:05:07.940 because i've seen so many women in my life be absolutely dictated financially by men there's no 0.83

00:05:13.040 hate on men men are wonderful i know some amazing men but no one's ever made me feel safe enough to

00:05:19.360 embrace my feminine side with a man which is why i've always had my own businesses

00:05:25.800 i have my own car getting a bit emotional yeah i can hear it yeah

00:05:31.920 i went through something really wild recently

00:05:36.740 my ex committed identity theft fraud against me with his mom

00:05:41.620 that's what my ep is about i'm not even using that as an excuse to plug myself i'm just being transparent

00:05:47.840 because it justifies i don't trust anyone to take care of me i got this and until i meet someone

00:05:56.640 that makes me feel safe enough emotionally spiritually and physically

00:06:00.140 then i will consider being in a traditional relationship

00:06:04.840 oh i'm good i'm not even crying thank you thank you though thanks um do you think that's going to

00:06:15.840 be hard for the for the next guy yeah because it's like he kind of has to deal with the mistakes of

00:06:20.940 like your past in a way yeah you know it already has been hard for the next guy and the guy after

00:06:27.100 that and the guy after that not that not that i'm you know moving about in different ways but you

00:06:31.980 know i go out a lot i have a very social job like i perform for a living i sing so i meet a lot of

00:06:38.140 people and i've met some wonderful people but there's something within me that's just like but

00:06:43.420 can i trust you have i known you long enough because the guy that was with last time was one of my best

00:06:48.120 friends and i knew him for a couple of years before i was with him and then to do that

00:06:53.240 and other things which i can't discuss i'm like well who can i trust

00:06:57.480 so can i ask a question do you at what point do you think you need to do some healing i you know

00:07:06.320 and i don't mean that disrespectfully i hope you no i don't take it disrespectfully the bad the sad

00:07:12.140 thing is i've already done so much healing with all due respect it doesn't sound like it i know

00:07:17.380 i know what healing have you done do you know i ran to the other side of the world i just got

00:07:23.760 back from australia i spent six weeks traveling around australia and this is because when i broke

00:07:29.960 up with him after i found out about the fraud other women from his past were coming forward to me

00:07:34.060 messaging me and these are women that he smear campaign saying that one's uh used to beat me up 1.00

00:07:41.060 she was a drug addict she was an alcoholic so i blocked them all thinking it was true

00:07:44.780 and out of curiosity i unblocked them because i knew they were trying to reach out to me

00:07:48.640 and one by one they slowly came forward to me with their screenshots and their truths and their

00:07:53.260 lovely educated women and it frightened me because i was sharing a bed with this person you know i was

00:07:59.800 living with him i was running a business from his home and all of a sudden i'm discovering all of

00:08:05.400 these things i i had no idea he was capable of and they're such nice women they're my friends now

00:08:09.880 they help me you're friends with his ex i'm friends with them yeah a couple of them but like

00:08:15.680 how do you heal if you're friends with his past i would say that's because they justify i understand

00:08:20.880 i think you're right however they justified everything i went through was real because

00:08:24.860 you go through this thing called cognitive dissonance when you're trying to break a trauma

00:08:28.080 bomb with someone and it's where you try and justify their behavior but they were really nice

00:08:32.740 they were so good to me they validated my feelings but simultaneously they're emotionally abusing

00:08:38.100 you by doing other things isolating you i think that's what we do as women though we come together 0.98

00:08:43.680 and then we talk about you know he done this she done that yeah of course and then there's no actual

00:08:48.060 healing that's being done yeah so whether it's spiritually whether it's mentally you know talking

00:08:52.660 to a therapist talking to someone that you trust getting it out and then it won't be so hard on the

00:08:58.860 next guy that comes along and it won't be hard on you has has this been a pattern or has it just been

00:09:03.400 him i mean obviously that's pretty far but has it been a pattern of like toxic guys in a way i've

00:09:09.500 had some lovely guys and then some not so i the others i think they were just young i don't think

00:09:17.040 they're bad people i don't even think this last one is a bad person i just think he's not

00:09:21.440 you don't think he's a you don't think he's a bad person he has i do he has i'd meet i don't know

00:09:30.120 committed identity do you know with his mom premeditated and it made you move to australia

00:09:34.480 for six weeks and to use you i'm gonna be friends with his ex sorry i don't know if he's bad or he's

00:09:42.060 just done well you know i know he had borderline personality disorder i know when i got with him he

00:09:45.760 was severely anorexic he had a lot of demons that i tried to help him with and equally i'm not gonna

00:09:51.640 lie he helped me with mine so that's why i don't know if he's bad or if he was just he couldn't

00:09:55.960 stand the thought of me leaving did you know there was demons like early on when we were friends no

00:10:00.160 no but when you started dating him you kind of saw a couple red flags early on oh yeah when it

00:10:05.440 started interviewing with my work so i'm assuming that like you had have guy friends that i'm sure

00:10:11.260 would date you right yeah come on yeah i mean she's a pretty girl yeah yeah so so so what made

00:10:19.640 you go with like the toxic guy over the nice guy it was exciting what it was exciting do you know what

00:10:25.400 i will be so honest about this i appreciate the honesty and um i think this is where my growth

00:10:30.960 period happened i before him i always wanted to be that girl that could be taken care of be driven

00:10:36.420 around in a nice car taken out to nice meals bought nice bags nice jewelry because i never

00:10:41.000 you know i never had a guy that did that until my ex he bought me he did all of that for me

00:10:45.060 and until i found myself sitting in that benz with the heated seats i was like i'm really unhappy

00:10:49.900 because this man does not love himself enough to be with me he doesn't know who he is he's unhappy

00:10:55.200 he takes it out on me because he's not secure within himself and now i drive around in my little

00:11:02.400 toyota yaris and i'm just like you know what this is all i need i'm happy now i'm good

00:11:06.200 um i can't remember your question so sorry so so you you almost put up with more because he was

00:11:14.780 rich i think it was more i think at the beginning that enticed me but it wasn't that i actually loved

00:11:22.980 him 100 i loved him you didn't love him i did love him you just you just said it was because of like

00:11:29.400 the cars and it enticed me it enticed me but he didn't he didn't maintain me i financed myself he

00:11:35.600 tried to buy me a car i said no tried to invest in my business i said no he tried to buy me a phone i

00:11:40.200 said no because i even back then i was aware that if we break up you're going to turn around and say

00:11:45.020 give me that back now i don't want to ever be in that position so no you know it enticed me that he

00:11:51.620 could take care of himself he had all these things it inspired me i'm not a gold digger otherwise i

00:11:56.640 would have accepted all those things he offered me it was more i was inspired by his lifestyle i

00:12:02.540 wanted that for myself that's what inspired by his life what does that mean he could drive that car he

00:12:07.040 owned that car he's younger than me i'm like wow i want that okay so i just it just i'm just confused

00:12:13.520 because it kind of it kind of is like you're saying the same thing okay okay you just wanted like the

00:12:18.480 hey hey life really yeah i'm not faulting you for it no you're fine yeah it's cool as many of you

00:12:24.840 know i was just banned on tiktok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform

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JustPearlyThings - March 23, 2023

When Modern Women Regret Feminism

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