When She Heard THIS
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Summary
In this episode, we discuss why women are afraid of divorce and why men should be afraid of it. We also talk about what should you endure in a relationship and what you should be prepared for in a romantic relationship.
Transcript
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coming up next why would guys be afraid of divorce like on top of that so literally a girl can make
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one phone call and get a restraining order on a guy and kick him out of a house that he pays for
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and now he's pissed so then he this is like to the average guy he's paying for a mortgage on a
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house that he does he's not even living in it takes him like six months to a year a lot of
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times to even get to go to court yeah like and so now on top of that during that time she can
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also with no evidence put him on child support so now he's on child support and he can't he's
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paying a mortgage on a house that wasn't his but you're talking about rotten apples
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no it's it's a lot more so i could see how on the outside looking and you might think that
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because i mean probably because i've never been married and you know you kind of killing my dream
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imagine imagine like would you agree that like women can be spiteful of course and like you are
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the worst version of yourself when you feel really wronged by a guy right every girl like if she feels
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really wronged by a guy like she does crazy things sometimes like why do you why do you hear girls
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say oh he made me crazy right i wouldn't say that i'm not talking about you i'm talking about women
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and so it's like you're giving women a ton of power when they're the worst version of themselves
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you know he went on a podcast and when he talked about you should endure in a relationship so today
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we're going to talk about what should you endure in a relationship so my first question is um do you
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believe in marriage and do you believe in divorce
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i do believe in marriage um just haven't really had a chance to meet my person so divorce i believe
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in anything that makes two people happy you know it's uh it's not something you pre-plan just sign
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a contract agreement and that that's it so yeah well whatever happens as long as it works for both
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okay so you do believe in divorce well i would prefer not to have a divorce that's probably why
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i'm still choosing but uh if it happens it happens okay so i'm just i just want to know you do believe
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in divorce in some situations yes in some situations okay fine so yeah i believe in marriage divorce not
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so much okay it's that's not a fun thing i'm going through divorce okay so towards just finish completing
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now so really i think with most guys we'll stick it out for the rough the troughs and the highs and
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the lows but maybe uh the experience modern in the modern world is possibly uh women are less patient
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okay stick it out so it sounds like it wasn't really your choice no it wasn't no it wasn't your choice
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oh actually well it was a mutual it was in the end yeah yeah it was mutual okay now that i think
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about it yeah wait how is it how is it mutual in the end so she brought it up and then like you
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later like i don't know how i was just curious how is it one-sided then mutual well okay let's get
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raw with it so every time we pretty much had an argument she she was calling an end to the
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marriage each time and then after 50 times of saying i'm i don't want to be in this anymore i was like
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okay okay like like i've done okay i've done with this okay yeah it's kind of an extreme version okay
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but i've learned so much from it okay uh what about you do you believe in marriage and do you believe
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in divorce i i grew up in a society that marriage was a must in order to be with someone and i
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respect that and that's fine my parents have been together forever and that's good they're happy
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and not sometimes but they're still together do i believe in divorce i believe in doing the right
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thing what feels right for people because i was so into like no divorce it shouldn't happen
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but then over the years and working with people that have come because can i just very quickly
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give some background i i was you know i have a very sort of different way of looking at stories
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because um i was uh kidnapped and then abused and so on you know and eventually when i made it through
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to the uk uh after my kidnap it was very difficult for me to to to form those relationships whether it's
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friendship trust or even getting married so eventually i got married and i'm happy and
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everything is fine but then i work with people and they haven't gone through war they haven't gone
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through kidnap but they they can relate to my story and i say why could you relate they said because i've
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got war going on in the house so if there is war in the house it's completely unfair for children to be
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exposed to something that is so toxic so if you recognize it's toxic you also have the the ability
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to say no to what's happening to you and therefore you should go for what feels right so you should not
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be selfish in terms of thinking by staying in that relationship that you are doing a favor by keeping
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the kids in that relationship or even if the kids are not involved do you want to be in a relationship
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that's toxic so i believe in marriage and i believe in divorce and i stand by it because
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only for the right reasons i don't mean changing partners i don't mean you know just just just
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divorce because you feel like it because the grass looks greener but the grass is not greener on the
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other side okay so you you do believe in divorce i believe in divorce for those reasons yes okay so
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what what reasons do you believe for example if there is violence if you've drifted away and you're
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really genuinely unhappy okay so if you drifted apart yeah feel like you did before well i mean
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we all don't feel the same as we do at the beginning but i mean more like in a sense that
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one has grown and the other one has stayed stagnant okay so therefore if you feel like you're not on the
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same page anymore so that no longer you are friends because relationships is friendship
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how does one grow and one stay stagnant like what does that mean um well for example if one grows
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in terms of following their dreams or following that what they want to do with their career
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and the other one just decides to be forever the same but they then go against the other person hold
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the other person back or they get a bit funny about it i mean isn't that usually isn't that usually
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what happens like one person goes for their career one watches the kids usually i think she's what i think
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she means like when you're too because this happened to me when you're in a relationship with someone
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and one person is a little bit more focused on self-development and the other person is kind of
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content with their life um when you start when you start to ascend and level up as a person like you're
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it's up to you in my particular experience as a man to pull your woman up with you
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and you guys level up together because eventually if you don't level up there is going to be a gap
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between two of you and eventually you're going to grow apart over the years i think is that what
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you mean or am i wrong absolutely i was getting there but i'm aware of time and everybody should
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have their say but having been in a marriage and having been for me took a lot to be in a marriage
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and trust a man and create life again because i was you know really badly bruised in so many ways
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because i don't you know i don't want to get into it but you can read the book about it but
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it takes courage to to give yourself fully in a relationship so i think both parties should
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appreciate the fact that we are both vulnerable when you open up and you say you love each other
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and love means a lot more a lot not just like you know yeah i just don't yeah i just don't
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if we're talking about like kids i just don't know if you should get divorced over self-development
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like one person develops one doesn't no so yeah i'm talking more as a two people
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because i'm married and i have seen i had my husband live in singapore for a while on his own
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and i raised the boys and i've sacrificed my career so many times and i even moved to singapore and had
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to set up a business from scratch so you you do those things because you you love each other and
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you support each other i'm not saying just because you're growing apart and and you should get divorced
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but if you are miserable and the kids can feel it i mean it's it's a good idea to to get divorced
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to speak about it and decide what's best okay what do you think yeah i definitely believe in marriage
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i'm a muslim and it's a big part of our religion to get married um getting married actually completes
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half our faith that's how the importance of marriage in islam so i definitely believe in it i
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also believe in divorce and uh like it is a last resort um divorce is the most hated thing by allah
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that's that's legal so it should be a last resort but in certain situations yeah divorce is needed
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in some situations if a man's beating his wife for example she should not definitely stay stay in a
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marriage but as a whole yeah i think um you should you should try and work through things i think we're
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living a uh a generation now where we're just quitters whether it be it work something hard
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relationships just life i think we're um a nation of quitters at the moment and i think life life's
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not easy marriage definitely isn't easy and i think you should really really work through things and
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really try your best to try and get through things before divorce but i think as a last resort yeah
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i think divorce is sometimes needed but i think marriage is a beautiful thing okay what do you think
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i definitely believe in marriage i want to get married without getting the state and my assets
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what's involved but um when it comes to divorce i'm half indian and i like to refer back to my indian
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people with the less than one percent divorce rate uh i definitely just think that a lot of people
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right now they would rather point the finger at somebody and pull the rug on a relationship and
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want to get a divorce quickly compared to working it out sitting down taking accountability on both
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parties for the for their actions and no i'm not saying that if a woman is getting beaten in a
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relationship she should stay or a man because that's what the detractors like to say they like
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to take the most extreme example and act as if it's a blanket statement to all people who are having
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troubles in a relationship but i do believe the majority of people who get divorces i believe
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that the majority of those people could work through their differences however we live in this
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gigantically selfish narcissistic culture nowadays around the world and i think everybody's talking
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about me me me me but the thing about focusing on me me me me that's who you end up with you end up
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alone and you need to be more mature as a human as an individual and you need to focus on we not me
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what do you what do you think do you believe in um do you believe in marriage and do you believe in
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divorce well i've recently got engaged so congratulations i do believe in marriage i think
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marriage is it's one of those things where like it's part of everyone well it should be a part of
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most people's like life cycles is one of those it's two souls coming together to make one story
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and make one future together which is beautiful in its own sense divorce on the other hand um it's
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tricky one because no fault divorces i don't believe in and i think that's kind of the crux of a lot of
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people's arguments because no fault divorce is just i i we're not into each other as much as we used to be
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i'm a dip and but i'm still going to take off your stuff as i leave that side of it i'm not really
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a fan of i do i do believe in divorce in diet in like you like said earlier it as a last resort
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in a stage of like like a lot of going on because life is a lot of going on and life is a lot of
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things but like if it was a last resort and and your life is in danger then leave but like
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whatever like if it's one of those things but even in that in that situation not to
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join on too much you always have it's also even trickier because bringing up the abuse thing
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there are two sides of this a he was always kind of abusive and you let it go which then i have to
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ask you why did you marry this person or b he wasn't abusive and he became abusive in the
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relationship at some point in which i have to ask what happened because people who don't aren't
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aren't aggressive and then suddenly turn aggressive that's a case study right it should be a case study
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at least because not every people who aren't violent don't have the propensity for violence so if they
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start doing that there has to be a underlying reason as to why that happened i saw i saw a video
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of a guy a girl that was taunting a guy about his dead son and then he hit her who abused too she did
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yeah emotional abuse both people emotional abuse is the same yeah i mean the reason i i steer a little
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bit away from both people are wrong answer which is 100 right but he shouldn't have hit her but it's like
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it's the product it's the product the bear thing you know i mean like if you put like okay if you're
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in the woods and you see a bear sleeping and you poke that bear is just to wake up and it kills you
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whose fault is it yeah the bear's fault for waking up and killing you and realizing it's a bear and you're
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a human and why are you bugging me or you for bugging that bear continuously until it woke up and
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realized you were there i think it's just like kind of a difference between like men understanding
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men like i would never talk shit to this guy oh god because this guy would fuck me up but you know
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some girls would be like fuck you and your tattoos and your ripped jeans or whatever you know like we
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talked about it yesterday and it was funny because that girl actually she did it we say like in an
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argument a woman will make a conversation personal and she started to take personal shots against me
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and then you don't understand like in man world if you do certain things that it could lead to
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violence i'm not saying violence is is an okay thing but when you're doing certain things to
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provoke violence you shouldn't be shocked when violence happens it's an understanding that we
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have between us exactly understanding yeah underlying understanding between well i just i just genuinely
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believe if you're in a toxic relationship both people are playing a part you're right and i just think
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it's very rare in my opinion that it's just one-sided he's hitting her with no provoke no provoking
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yeah it's not like he just walks into the kitchen like what is this tuna casserole i'm not saying it
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doesn't happen but i just think that the the default should be try to work it out always that should be
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the default because it goes back to it goes back to the two questions was he hitting you from the
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beginning or did he just start both of things that you need to figure out why and and the reasons that
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you're in the situation and i think the main question sorry and i want to add it to what you
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said pearl like people should work it work it through because what happens in today's modern
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culture right when they when you break up with somebody they say oh yeah the best way to get over
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someone is to get under someone else right because we have all these modern devices that let us cope
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with avoiding responsibility for the relationship failure like back in the 90s you know 80s 90s
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whatever pre-internet when someone dumped you you had to sit at home like damn i suck like what did i do
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wrong now you're like it wasn't my fault you get on tinder you get on bumble you get on hinge and you're
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just looking for someone else to tell you you're great instead of taking a moment to reflect on why
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you fucked up in this relationship and then guess what you just carry your trauma your bad shit into
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the next relationship and people do that they monkey branch you know they go from relationship to
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relationship relationship next thing you know you're in your late 30s you're single you're like
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damn what the fuck did i do with my life and sometimes some people in the 40s 50s i see this
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happen over lifetimes you know in my in my experience it it all comes down to choices so you may have got
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you may be in a relationship where you're suffering abuse you chose that person originally and there
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would have been clues to the red flags yes yeah which you ignored when you were feeling you know
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something oh i feel love for this person it's so cute and i just feel fluffy never mind that he's rude
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to the the the the the waiter never mind that it you know is instantly jealous never mind you know
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ignore all those things and then later on down the line they all these red flags come flying out and
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you're like oh my god where did this come from i can't believe this oh my god i'm being attacked but
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but you made the choice originally and you chose to ignore i work with a lot of clients
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and they discover when i work them i say were the clues there at the beginning oh my god yes
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it was there but their experiences i i everything was fine we got together and then it just went
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started to turn bad because that goes back to the narcissism of today's time everybody thinks
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they're the exception to the rule they're like i see these red flags but i got i got this i got this
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everybody thinks they can crowbar i can change him i genuinely have no sympathy for girls that tell
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me they're in a toxic relationship there is no way it was one-sided i don't believe you when you say
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oh i had no idea he was a cheater it just came out of nowhere no i don't believe you
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no your last three boyfriends weren't toxic it's probably you i just don't believe it
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yeah but they generally believe it until you start to pinpoint and point out all the clues
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that join the dots we're like oh yeah yeah you're right yeah but i think i think actually raising a
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hand against a woman is a hard red line though to be to be honest yeah and look i mean then you could
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say well there were indications there before and she should have picked up on them and etc etc but
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ultimately the dude who does that i think he's a scumbag and i think that i think that's you know
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do you think do you think even in the situation that i was saying do you think he's like just a
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scumbag when because that's what we don't we don't talk about because we never have the conversation
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about like women that verbally abuse men and one day they just snap i think yeah no i know what
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you're saying i still restraint i can understand but actually like striking a woman it can like it's
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not i think i think i mean it's it's such a tenor because i mean it's it's funny isn't it because
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toxic masculinity gets talked about a lot and you know men are you know increasingly demonized and
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everything else but i mean it seems to me i mean i was brought up like in the uk right and
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you know it was instilled in everybody you do not raise a hand against a woman do you know what i
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mean and so i think firstly that the number of guys who actually do that is incredibly small you know
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subject contrary to what the belief in the culture seems to be that men are these kind of like violent
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beasts who are sort of just on the rampage the whole time i think that's an incredible minority
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but i do think that that ultimately yeah i mean she shouldn't have talked to the guy like that it's
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absolutely horrendous but ultimately you shouldn't raise your hand against a woman i do think that's
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wrong in terms of do i do i believe in marriage absolutely not it's a terrible idea
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just become a passport bro what are you doing no no no i think i think the problem with legal
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marriage as a few people have said i think there's a big problem with that and i think fundamentally
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you are putting a legal contract to contain something that is this romantic emotional thing
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as we have it now and i think that's a mistake because feelings change and and blah blah blah and
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you know and what what john talks about in terms of the indian sort of arranged marriage thing
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when you take the romance out the equation and you guys it's almost more of a contractual thing that
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can sort of work i think what we're trying to do now is we're trying to base a legal contract on
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feelings yeah and we're also in a culture that basically encourages people not to respect that
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anymore so so then when we come to the question of divorce do i believe in divorce well under certain
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circumstances yes but i do think if you've got to the stage where you've been in the church or the
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registry office or whatever it is with that person and you've made that agreement and then you know
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five years down the line you're saying oh well actually you know i'm kind of not feeling it anymore
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you know we're on different paths so i'm out i think that is a bad thing i think once you've made
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that commitment and i think people should think very carefully about whether they do need to make that
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commitment certainly legal sense but once you've made it you really you should stay in there do
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you know what i mean unless the circumstances are pretty extreme so i do agree that the divorce thing
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is people i think like john said you know people we're all we're all too quick to quit that's the
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problem in this day and age we're all too too quick to quit and it's too easy for us to quit so you
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don't believe in marriage no but you also don't believe in divorce absolutely no no it does it
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makes absolutely perfect sense because i think fundamentally the first thing is you should
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think as particularly as a guy like you know come on guys you can get a passport you can get a
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columbia what's the problem here you know um so firstly you've got to think carefully about that is
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this what i actually want in the first place and then secondly is is a legal document what i want
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that's the next thing you know is there another way to to make that long-term commitment in a
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relationship with somebody without getting the state involved that's the second thing but if you've
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crossed that rubicon and you have made that commitment then you've made a promise to somebody
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and you know you've also if you're doing it in a religious context you've made a promise in front of
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god and then five years down the line you're just going to say i'll stop that it doesn't matter
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you know so i am just i kind of half agree with you i think if i wasn't religious and it wasn't
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for religious reasons i think if you're not religious and you're a man and you want to get
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married i think it's there's no point it only benefits the woman because if me to get married
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it's a it's between it's for god i don't care about boris johnson or whoever the prime minister is
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it's like i don't want to they need to sign a document however in islam we don't get like you know
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you get married here and you sign the registry whatever it's not like that in islam so if we get
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divorced you can't take half of nothing yeah yeah i would never get married married like
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i can get married in this country she's my wife but i wouldn't get married where it's like a legal
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contract binding in the country it's just a contract between us two and god because that's
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what marriage is about anyway yeah exactly i would never like some muslim women and some muslim couples
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they get married islamically and they also get married um legally i'd never get married legally
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no way it'd only benefit the woman i'd never put myself in a situation yeah where a woman could
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take half a month it's just it would never happen it's the legacy of the government anything the
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government touches just fucking sucks like you know sorry so let me get this straight basically
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all men are now scared of marriage because you have to share half with the woman no not share
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half when you see it's when you divorce the reason give half the reason i'm not so hopeful about the
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marriage why do you think about divorce because you have to be logical because because the women
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women women divorce 80 percent of the time one of the number one reasons is financial you know and
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there's also great incentive for women to falsely accuse men of abuse in this country because they
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offer them free lawyers and it's really common they also only get access to their kid maybe 20 percent
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of the time so i think i think what's more scary actually to men is not being able to see their
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children and i think that is absolutely something they should be afraid economically speaking too
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so divorce when you are subsidizing divorce right anything the government subsidizes it grows and
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that's why right now in the uk the united states australia canada right single mother households are
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growing because there is a financial incentive if i could marry a good-looking woman who is rich as fuck
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and i could trick her in like three to five years and divorce her and take half of her millions
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there are guys out there that would do that it's happened it's just on the other side there's the
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shoes on the other foot in this situation there used to be greater safeguards against that the other
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problem is you're kind of it's almost like going into casino and betting on 50 50 isn't it like is
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this woman and i guess you could say the other way for argument's sake but as a guy's perspective is
00:24:45.120
this woman gonna she's made this promise to me we're gonna be together and this is gonna be it
00:24:48.920
but how do i know that in 10 15 years down the line she's not gonna be thinking well actually do you
00:24:53.900
know what i'm kind of not really feeling it anymore and my friends say i could do better and i deserve
00:24:57.640
to you know it's a you know one life women get divorced over stupid reasons yeah if you can
00:25:04.480
if you can dump somebody and get a fat payout like you know how much you know how many guys would be so
00:25:11.160
happy we have a generation of just like selfish wives because they think about their feelings before
00:25:16.380
their kids it's not about you it's about the children a word that gets banded around a lot
00:25:20.660
is happiness in marriage and i say to people why did you get married for happy like who said that
00:25:28.120
marriage will bring happiness what's that got to do so then it's not one of the reasons why people
00:25:34.740
stayed together for 20 25 years for a lifetime let's say i stayed with him because i was consistently
00:25:39.580
happy you'd never hear that well that's the problem life is ups and downs isn't it i mean you're
00:25:44.780
gonna get a modern misconception yeah you're gonna get good bits you're gonna get bad bits and the
00:25:48.340
problem is that they want to be happy the whole time and to and to answer like why would guys be
00:25:52.900
afraid of divorce like on top of that so literally a girl can make one phone call and get a restraining
00:25:57.740
order on a guy and kick him out of a house that he pays for and now he's pissed so then he this is
00:26:03.020
like to the average guy he's paying for a mortgage on a house that he does he's not even living in it
00:26:08.140
takes him like six months to a year a lot of times to even get to go to court yeah like and so now
00:26:12.660
now he hasn't seen his kid as a year on top of that during that time she can also with no evidence
00:26:17.080
put him on child support so now he's on child support and he can't he's paying a mortgage on
00:26:21.620
a house that wasn't his i spoke to one but you're talking about rotten apples
00:26:28.380
well no it's it's a lot more so i could see how on the outside looking and you might think that
00:26:32.800
because i'm probably because i've never been married and you know you're kind of killing
00:26:36.620
my dream imagine imagine like would you agree that like women can be spiteful of course and
00:26:43.820
like you are the worst version of yourself when you feel really wronged by a guy right every girl
00:26:49.100
like if she feels really wronged by a guy like she does crazy things sometimes like why do you why
00:26:54.840
do you hear girls say oh he made me crazy right i wouldn't say that i'm not talking about you i'm
00:27:00.380
talking about women and so it's like you're giving women a ton of power when they're the worst
00:27:06.480
version of themselves and a lot of women like do it yeah like think about this too like let's say
00:27:13.440
you're let's say you and i are married right and you really love me oh hello and then wait a second
00:27:17.940
just bear with me on this one okay this is the first marriage so let's just say you're married to
00:27:24.720
a guy right yeah and then you catch him cheating and then he says well i'm cheating because of you
00:27:31.980
and then he divorces you and then you got to pay for his mortgage and you have to give him monthly
00:27:36.940
alimony payments and child support payments while you're watching him with his new girl side piece
00:27:43.340
okay is he carrying my child just listen because if he is just let me let me let me let me finish this
00:27:48.700
just calm down what i'm trying to say is like imagine and then you have to watch on instagram
00:27:53.640
every day him with the new girl and you know you're financing their trips to italy and them
00:27:58.380
having good time their relationship photos and all that yeah but is that fair yes but did he carry
00:28:04.000
my child did he carry it for nine miles women are so entitled man so no it's not about entitlement guys
00:28:09.340
it's not about entitlement i promise you why should we have to look after your child what do you mean
00:28:13.880
after your child it's your child as well if you've been there so when you have your child you look
00:28:18.040
after him or her and when i'm with him i'll look after him why should i have to pay for you to look after
00:28:21.800
your own child you don't pay me when i have my child so why should i have to pay you wait are we
00:28:25.940
in the same relationship or are we in different ones no i'm saying i'm saying when we split up this
00:28:30.880
is not on about when we're together this is on about when we split up okay okay he's talking about
00:28:34.780
so say if you split up for example and he's been caught cheating and then imagine now you're having
00:28:39.900
to pay for your ex-partner you've split up you're out the house now he's got his new side piece in the
00:28:44.840
house you have to pay for this he's gonna i've got two cases that's what i'm saying like how many times
00:28:50.940
have you how many times have you dated a guy and then you were stalking him and then you saw the
00:28:56.160
new girl he's with and you just made me so angry i don't stalk them usually they stalk me
00:29:00.400
guys i've got i've got two case studies to basically explain why it's a big give an answer to this
00:29:10.280
mary j blige and adele the reason i bring these two women up these are two women who got divorced
00:29:16.840
and took the male's perspective of having to pay their partners half rather than men paying them
00:29:22.300
what happened the entire internet called both those ex-husbands pussies cloud chases money hungry
00:29:30.560
they said they were only after though for money women do that all the time yeah
00:29:34.400
the most famous the most richest women in the world is only rich because she divorced bill gates
00:29:40.340
you understand jeff bezos was it 30 billion dollars she doesn't even know how to write code
00:29:48.720
you know what's crazy though i actually think it affects like average guys like i feel like
00:29:54.420
billionaires like they always recover they're fine yeah yeah they're okay no but it's the average guy
00:29:59.620
what it burned me you haven't even if it was a few million i just don't like the thought of my ex
00:30:05.240
living in a house with a new man that i paid for living in your house
00:30:10.260
i've heard that a few times i'm with you i just i think it like from the documentary i've been
00:30:18.520
doing it's like it seems to affect average guys the most because it's always like they worked for
00:30:22.700
20 years they're not the type of guys that are going to be able to like build that up or like make
00:30:26.700
another million or whatever so it like it wrecks them a lot of guys commit suicide in the process
00:30:31.060
it's really sad yeah yeah and i always find as well like in relationships when they break up like
00:30:36.600
this is what i said when i find women so entitled for example i've got a friend now best friend he's
00:30:41.520
going through he's engaged but he's going through a breakup and for some reason unbeknownst to me i
00:30:46.760
don't know why he put his missus's name on the house now they're going for a breakup she never put
00:30:50.320
nothing into the house and i know all her friends are like you deserve off that house because she's
00:30:53.820
entitled to it because like an idiot you deserve off that house this this and this bearing in mind he's
00:30:58.040
the best father ever he goes to work gets up a cracker don't pay for everything she pays for
00:31:01.560
nothing all she does is go out all of now she's going to get half of that and she feels entitled
00:31:05.540
to it and there's going to be nothing in society there's nothing wrong with it oh they spell she
00:31:08.940
deserves off see me even if i meet somebody and i've got nothing i still don't believe she deserves
00:31:13.440
half even if we build it together because it's a it's my company that i've i'd have made it with or
00:31:17.380
without you for example me boxing i'm gonna box regardless if i met you or not you definitely
00:31:23.000
deserve something if we've built come from nothing and i've built something with you you
00:31:26.720
definitely deserve something a hundred percent we don't deserve half because he wasn't with
00:31:29.540
me taking punches in the gym but you know what me shooting in the gym
00:31:32.720
yeah i'm on the flip side if i was with a woman and she made way more millions and i was together
00:31:39.700
from nothing she made millions i don't just that's not my money that's your money i'm not i'd never
00:31:43.640
as a man i couldn't take that anyway you know you know it's crazy i i think women are so delusional
00:31:48.160
they literally think they were the reason he got rich that's what they like they literally think
00:31:52.900
they're like yeah i held him down i and i'm just like well he he was gonna do it with her with that
00:31:58.460
like the guys that are gonna make a ton of money are gonna do it with or without the woman it's not
00:32:02.600
it's not about you yeah i think it i guess it depends on the specific circumstances of that
00:32:06.820
relationship but i mean it's it's just like it's so arbitrary because the problem is we're basing
00:32:10.360
everything on feels aren't we that's the difficulty and it's all very well to say well what what one
00:32:16.480
would do that and blah blah blah but but the truth of the matter is it's just so easy for people
00:32:20.980
now because you've got this eat pray love kind of culture of like oh you know you just you know
00:32:26.580
it's fomo and you've only got one life and you you know which is which is true in a sense but i mean
00:32:31.340
it's it's kind of like if you're making that commitment and you're saying to somebody hey i'm
00:32:34.940
going to spend the rest of my life with you and then you're actually incentivized to leave and it's
00:32:39.660
all sort of based in feelings and look we know that relationships have ups and downs do you know what i
00:32:44.060
mean like at first it's great you know the first few years amazing brilliant and then you know it
00:32:48.440
starts to maybe it dips a little bit it starts to get a bit dull then maybe he has problems at work
00:32:52.880
or he you know he has some health problems and stuff and then she's like well do you know what
00:32:56.280
maybe i could have done better and then she could just leave on the turn of a dime you know and that's
00:33:00.240
the problem that everyone's facing it's like it literally got walk into the casino but that's why
00:33:04.960
people should find their match because if you are a self-sufficient person and you grow and you're not
00:33:10.620
basically what we're talking about right now is problems of those who not doing s you know they're not
00:33:16.980
doing something so they just feel entitled to have it but if you are if you are a person who
00:33:22.560
continuously grows and you actually invest in yourself and your relationship and your partner
00:33:27.300
i believe those those lines become much much blurry because it it's not really about who gets what
00:33:34.000
because i'm not there to take your money i'm there because i'm there it's not just for me it's not just
00:33:39.820
about the money though i mean that's a big consideration but it's not just about the money it's also about
00:33:43.600
i'm going to make an emotional commitment to this person i'm going to put everything on the line
00:33:47.400
for them in a legal contract and then she could just decide in five years time actually sod it you
00:33:51.440
know and the average chick will divorce over literally nothing over like over literally nothing like her
00:33:57.260
emotions if she just isn't feeling it like we didn't you both say if you're not happy in the
00:34:02.820
relationship you should be able to leave yeah but happy it's not a it's not a hurdle i'm not talking
00:34:07.900
about a hurdle you know also not happy when you fall down and scratch your knee i'm not happy because i have
00:34:12.320
beautiful legs but but when they get up tomorrow i know that it's just a hurdle that i overtake right
00:34:17.700
right but i'm saying marriage isn't about happiness and so it's like why would the average guy get
00:34:21.940
married when two out of the three women on the panel believe in divorce but two of the two of the
00:34:25.880
girls here said said didn't they um along the lines of well if you guys are growing in different
00:34:31.180
directions then divorce we said okay so in an abusive situation then divorce should be allowed
00:34:35.400
absolutely everyone agrees with that right but you guys also said oh but if you guys are growing in the
00:34:40.420
wrong direction and that's a little bit intangible isn't it what does that really mean
00:34:44.820
i think it's very difficult no i agree with what what the loretta said earlier about you know when
00:34:52.720
because this happens with friendships too at least for me personally like when i dedicated myself to
00:34:57.440
becoming the successful individual that i am now it was day in and day out wake up hit the gym
00:35:03.860
eat clean work work work i mean as a fighter you probably understand the same thing right you have to
00:35:09.300
wake up every single day because in the way the world is structured your skill set whatever your
00:35:15.180
skill set have it is constantly being deteriorated because there's always a new and improved way of
00:35:21.020
doing things yeah so if you're an individual that is working on yourself day in and day out
00:35:25.980
one you are going to grow apart because they're going to be below you as you continue to ascend
00:35:30.720
and two resentment is going to build on both ends of that spectrum in my opinion i don't i don't
00:35:36.720
disagree with that but ultimately if you've got married to them and you guys have signed a
00:35:40.680
commitment together it's a bit like well because that kind of goes back to it's about being happy
00:35:45.220
when it's about a commitment yeah you know so i just that's a dude and i and i don't really think
00:35:50.140
that's as common with for men to say that as it is for women like i think that's usually code for i
00:35:55.260
out earned my husband yeah because like look at the military like if you sign up for the military
00:35:59.260
and i mean the majority of people don't desert military because you'll go to prison if you do right
00:36:05.200
but i guarantee there's people who wake up like i mean how many people that stormed normandy were
00:36:10.680
like i'm really ready to storm normandy like i'm really just ready to charge these german machine
00:36:15.760
gun nests on this impenetrable fortress of this normandy beach probably 99 if not 100 of those guys
00:36:23.320
didn't want to be there but they understand they had a duty to god and country to make these things
00:36:28.080
happen and that's a masculine thing duty you got to get it done no matter what right if you if you're
00:36:33.860
in a boxing match and you're you're you break your nose and your left eye is swollen shut but you've
00:36:38.240
got to win the fight no matter what otherwise you're going to lose and the outcome is just not
00:36:41.940
going to be beneficial to you to your career to your social media to your sponsorship deals men
00:36:47.360
got to get things done that's that's a masculine thing is duty to the cause no matter what when we're
00:36:53.440
jettisoning people into space hoping to make it back on time you know we can't just be like mid-launch
00:37:00.440
be like listen i really enjoyed the nasa training but like today i just don't want to go to space
00:37:06.560
like sorry the country and all this government financing is is depending on you so that's the
00:37:12.100
thing when you and i'm not trying to say women have no sense of duty but i'm trying to say that
00:37:16.140
marriage is a commitment and again when you incentivize people to quit on something some
00:37:24.180
people are going to take it and when you look at the bell curve of iqs and 50 percent of people
00:37:29.440
are 100 iq or less you look at a divorce rate you're kind of like okay i kind of understand
00:37:35.200
why people are just taking easy right out i also think that in my experience from what i've seen
00:37:40.000
i always find that the female's friends have a lot to do with they're more likely to get divorced i love
00:37:46.660
this guy i love this guy they're like 12 times more likely to get divorced if their friends do
00:37:52.560
something like that yes yes yes you're right even me i don't even some of my um friends partners
00:37:58.620
they're not really my i don't i wouldn't say i dislike them but they're not really my kind of
00:38:01.740
people some of them some of them i'm great i love them but some of them and when they go through
00:38:05.520
stuff i say no you should stick out you've got kids together you're like you've made a commitment
00:38:08.840
like try and work through it to the best even time and time again and i know that their friends
00:38:13.500
are like you should just leave him this and then i'm like even though i don't really like this
00:38:17.040
person i know it's good for the children and it's good for the family for them to try and work
00:38:20.680
through it and i just think if you're this person's like the her friends for example i think
00:38:25.200
do you really care more about her or do you just want her to be single so she can live the best life
00:38:28.400
of you she's got kids she's got a family to raise why are you even trying to incentivize her to leave
00:38:33.860
like that are you really a good friend because misery loves company i want to hear from you do you
00:38:41.560
believe in divorce um to be honest it's just sad that common sense isn't law yeah obviously
00:38:47.840
if a woman gets of a man they get married she cheats on him and then takes his money that just
00:38:55.040
doesn't make sense it shouldn't hold up in a court of law incentivizing bad behavior of course but it's
00:38:59.140
the reality we live in so the best we can do as men is just to choose wisely i think they used to
00:39:04.500
right they used to when you when when it was you you couldn't do that before you couldn't cheat on
00:39:10.020
your husband before like years ago and then expect to take everything i think the judge should
00:39:14.040
now hold on a minute i think i've been a bit out of order here but then they took that away
00:39:17.320
yeah that right they took that right away so you could be as bad as you want
00:39:21.240
well they they used to you used to have to like prove a reason to get divorced like you'd have to
00:39:26.240
show the judge so divorce divorce got a lot easier but also we're living in this perfect storm aren't
00:39:31.000
we because we've also got social media all you know instagram we've got the dating apps like there
00:39:36.120
are so many we're getting this stuff pumped at us the whole time you know she's she's looking at
00:39:39.660
her instagram she's looking at like the you know like hot guys whatever she's probably got
00:39:43.740
she may still have dudes like coming into her dms whatever like there's there's so much opportunity
00:39:48.960
being pumped at us the whole time particularly women who obviously have you know by and large more
00:39:53.280
options than guys do you know there's very little incentive either from a societal basis certainly not
00:39:58.900
from a legal basis but also and that coupled with the amount of opportunity she's got why wouldn't
00:40:03.760
she just think oh things are getting a bit tough do you know what sod it i can get some money out of
00:40:07.120
this so that i'll go on to the next one you know also yeah women think that they have all these
00:40:10.560
options because naturally when they go for a breakup with a man or they're going through stuff
00:40:13.600
they've got loads of men for it in the dms but women are quite naive they really think that these
00:40:16.960
men are going to marry them yeah these men yeah ghosted by a few guys have you watched me say that
00:40:24.940
in fresh and fit or you know i'm not seeing it because i see i'm like yeah look at this in my dm i'm like
00:40:31.420
yeah he wants to smash just wants to yeah exactly no yeah don't have as many options as you think
00:40:34.980
then you'll leave your man that's good for you that's so that was you might it was a good man
00:40:38.220
for you initially you might be going through some stuff you leave him and now you wonder why you've
00:40:41.220
got 30 buddies and it's not even that you want to sleep with these people you're just getting sold
00:40:44.520
a dream and you're too naive to distinguish what's right and what's wrong if a man has a good
00:40:47.440
intention he's gonna marry you yeah and that's that's what he says is a thousand percent correct
00:40:52.020
because these girls think like all these dudes are after me and each dude is like my choice of a
00:40:58.140
perfect relationship it's like no the majority of these guys i would bet 95 percent of these guys
00:41:05.040
just want to hit it and get out of there yeah you know but they they're so delusional because we
00:41:11.200
lived in this narcissistic culture and this is not a diss on women but it just the reality of the
00:41:15.660
situation is pretty true you have social media you have the government you have movies you have music
00:41:22.700
you have video games telling women 24 7 365 you're amazing you can do whatever you want
00:41:30.340
there's no consequences for what you can do mainly because you're a woman so i feel sorry for these
00:41:35.400
girls because they believe this shit and they think like oh yeah i just have all these infinite options
00:41:38.980
next thing you know they wake up they're 35 and they're crying on tiktok because they're single
00:41:43.040
this is why i love it this is why i invest so much into you know cosmetics well i just think it's
00:41:48.840
either we're equal or we're not yeah like you either think you're an equal so behave like an
00:41:53.380
equal you don't need child support you don't need alimony you're you're an equal you're a man
00:41:58.760
um they're equal what what percent actually pay 50 of the bills you're equal that's your partner right
00:42:05.780
that's what everyone says here this is my partner i've seen a number of articles recently though by
00:42:10.040
older women who've who've divorced their husband you know and then it's like 10 years later and they're
00:42:14.400
like oh i shouldn't have done that you know like i thought i thought the pastures were greener
00:42:18.320
and actually now i'm on my own i'm you know 50 the grass is not greener on the other side of the
00:42:23.420
fence the grass is greener where you water it endure
00:42:27.080
i have a question for the ladies um should you listen to your husband point blank period yes or no
00:42:44.060
your husband says do something you don't want to know i just refer back to you just said that we're
00:42:50.580
supposed to be equal so you're gonna pay off the bills are you gonna find that are you gonna find
00:42:54.660
the burglar when he comes in the house honey honey the last guy i i stopped the last guy you gotta go
00:43:01.080
down there wait wait do you want to be in like a 50 50 partnership is that your ideal relationship
00:43:05.760
no okay okay so how would how would you how would you get into a traditional relationship with a 50 50
00:43:14.520
mindset no it's not a 50 50 mindset i just understand there are certain things where
00:43:20.320
uh we have a saying it's the man is the head but the woman is the neck you need both to to to you know
00:43:28.120
to turn around it's not just the head that's like feminist christianity no no no it's not about
00:43:33.780
feminist but what i'm saying is it takes two to tango okay i'll give you a different one it takes
00:43:37.780
two to tango so it doesn't matter who leads if the other one doesn't move you don't get in the right
00:43:43.960
direction so i believe that there are certain things where my man will stamp his foot and if it's
00:43:48.820
important to him i will respect him and i will take his decision but sometimes there will be things
00:43:54.500
that are equally important to me where i would like to find a counterpart who understands me and
00:44:00.580
says this is important to her and therefore she's the one in charge but that's still a 50 50 mindset
00:44:06.100
because a traditional mindset is he has the final say no matter what yes but it's not to say he'll
00:44:11.400
never give you your way but it's still his choice like that's a traditional mindset if you look at
00:44:15.400
writings of women like 150 years ago like the answer would just be yes this whole do i need to listen
00:44:21.120
to my of course of course it's a conflicted you know i'm still 34 i grew up in a very different
00:44:27.340
society but i'm still here i'm still here today so of course i'm absorbing but i'm learning what
00:44:32.020
works for me to be honest like i've listened to everyone i agree with pretty much everyone says
00:44:36.860
because everyone has a point but for me like say my biological dad didn't stay with my mom he didn't
00:44:43.860
he left us but my stepdad and i call him dad they've been together for 33 years and thriving
00:44:50.160
i'm still matching clothes never been away from another they travel they hold hands and that's
00:44:54.760
what i want and when i was 25 unfortunately i lost my fiancee to cancer so after that i've been
00:45:01.320
through this i still want to have that what i've envisioned maybe as a young girl as a teenager and
00:45:08.180
i still believe it's possible but of course i still adopt and i'm still here today i don't live in
00:45:13.340
the past and i'm not trying to be this new dm slide kind of uh woman either do you know who said
00:45:19.300
that quote the which one man is head but the woman is neck tell me who said that there's a canadian
00:45:27.140
actress named like ania vardalos basically it's very popular in russia we say that as a
00:45:33.340
can we dissect that phrase for a second because i've been sitting here she's a divorced feminist actress
00:45:38.340
of course oh really wait wait wait wait wait wait i just have a question wait wait wait wait the
00:45:44.080
brain is still in the head i was literally saying that that was about my body my point the brain
00:45:48.720
is still in the head but if the neck isn't even you should take the biblical perspective which is
00:45:53.660
but i already changed that to tango it's about the movement the woman the woman is the crown
00:45:58.700
on a man's head it's an accessory even with the tango wow because if you look if you just look at
00:46:05.940
society if you just look at listen because it's like a game of chess right the game of chess the
00:46:12.900
game of life is to win and sometimes the queen is the strongest piece on the board yeah do you play
00:46:22.200
chess she is the strongest yeah but the game isn't over if the queen dies yeah sometimes you got to
00:46:27.540
sacrifice the queen to make a win and then you take a pawn and get them to the other side and then she can
00:46:32.200
become a queen yeah but we check it i'm talking about couple dynamics when two people merge together
00:46:37.540
i'm not talking about the rest of the world of course he died i'm still alive i'm still living i'm not
00:46:42.240
talking about i'm not talking about your particular situation my only like point yeah i'm not i'm not
00:46:47.380
talking about your situation but i'm saying what you said when i said should you listen to your husband
00:46:51.940
if it's not a yes that's not a traditional mindset
00:46:54.940
no and i'm not saying that's wrong i'm just saying you said you would prefer a traditional
00:47:00.600
relationship so i'm just asking how you would get no that's not what i said i just said that i would
00:47:06.060
i would be so you didn't like the 50 50 right yeah i don't like the 50 50 but that doesn't mean that
00:47:11.260
i'm sitting around and expecting for things and i'm entitled no i didn't say you're no no i know i know
00:47:17.140
i'm just trying to explain yeah yeah i totally get you i totally get all of you guys and i love the
00:47:22.660
the fact that we're actually talking about it because you know sometimes you're so sure about
00:47:26.800
what you picture for yourself or what you think of and then you listen to another opinion and you
00:47:31.880
understand them and then you refer back to yourself and you think wait a second but and what do you
00:47:38.160
think now and i don't know but i believe that once again there is no one clear rule of what to say
00:47:45.300
or how to do or how to behave well something that doesn't work in one relationship may work in
00:47:51.320
another but fundamentally fundamentally should you should you it goes back to the question should
00:47:57.940
you endure once you've made that commitment in a marriage or not that's the fundamental question
00:48:02.100
isn't it yes we're gonna go back to the tango thing i've been holding on to this for a while
00:48:09.720
because it's one of those it's one of those things that's in my drop it daniel i'm like
00:48:12.400
because it's like you used it takes two to tango sure sure you're right but even in a tango
00:48:19.080
one person leads one person follows even in any two man dance one person leads one person follows
00:48:25.520
when people use that it takes two to tango thing it always gets me because it's like you're skipping
00:48:29.940
a question the question is would you lead would you would you follow his lead and we're using two
00:48:34.400
to tango which has one leader and one follower but which one are you are you the leader are you
00:48:39.240
the follower but that that's my point it's like men men don't want to get married today because
00:48:43.560
they can't get traditional wives because most women won't it won't say yes to that question
00:48:48.840
can i ask a question where are you where's your background where you from um russia brazil sweden
00:48:54.020
oh okay okay whereabouts in russia uh st petersburg nice okay i was there in 21 actually i spent a lot
00:49:01.420
of time in russia but that's a very traditional no no no no but but so you're coming you're coming
00:49:06.160
traditionally cheaters well no well not you not you not you not you but ironically ironically the um
00:49:12.980
the divorce rate in in russia is actually quite high isn't it and russia women get some of the
00:49:17.400
most i think russian women get the most abortions in the world i don't know about that i'm pretty sure
00:49:22.640
i don't know about that i think they are it's it's russia number one america number two china number
00:49:27.580
three i'll look it up to make sure yes i'm basically looking at the countries they're just
00:49:31.260
you judging by population not by actually hooked up by headcount there's 20 million in russia
00:49:36.300
20 million in russia 1.3 million in china i know you want to buy what is the point you're making
00:49:42.960
with that stuff because exactly what are you trying to say these things are angry about stats
00:49:48.120
they're numbers you can prove a number of things with that stuff yeah i'm gonna ask vietnam's number
00:49:53.880
two i'm shocked russia's number one vietnam's number two it could be down to resource all sorts of
00:49:59.660
stuff wow exactly but i'm not sure what you were trying to say this wasn't a personal attack on you
00:50:06.540
of course it's not it's not a personal attack on you i'm not worried about that but what i'm trying
00:50:11.340
to explain obviously you heard russia and you you had uh which is fine totally fine you know i still
00:50:17.840
value and respect your opinion but what i'm saying is i grew up in so many different countries that it's
00:50:23.360
very hard it's like the same way when people ask me where are you from and it's so hard for me to
00:50:28.260
answer where i'm from because when you've lived in three four different countries and i believe i'm
00:50:33.060
a global citizen and i believe i can have a place anywhere so it's not about the no that's fair
00:50:39.720
enough no it's about adaption you adapt then i adapt it also i pick and choose from anything that i like
00:50:45.680
if i i believe that this oh i love this it's actually it's tough i'm biracial too so they're like
00:50:50.280
where are you from like well yeah we break out the only break out the genealogy tree here and kind of
00:50:55.020
break it down to you it's completely it's completely fair enough in your guys in your guys cases but
00:50:58.740
sometimes it's just interesting to sometimes to get a sense of where somebody if somebody is from
00:51:02.760
an individual country because sometimes that then colors their yeah that was honestly to context
00:51:07.240
me and that was an inside joke between us because we're always like russian girls always cheat
00:51:10.600
so that's what that's where it was but we weren't we weren't saying you
00:51:14.040
sorry i'm not even brazilian but i have i've seen it trust me
00:51:20.600
the number one the number one cheaters the number one cheaters in south america are the colombians
00:51:30.580
oh my gosh do you know what i just realized oh my gosh i grew up with nannies from around the world
00:51:35.780
so every year we had a different nanny from a different country
00:51:38.320
the one that one married my cousin and she did cheat on him and she was russian
00:51:56.500
that's not you're not talking about a woman she doesn't need a visa
00:51:59.300
i didn't say all i just said all the all the nannies came from these different countries