When Women Say 'Im Healing'
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
222.68802
Summary
In this episode, we talk about self-healing from a relationship and how important it is to have a healthy relationship with someone you care deeply for. We also talk about how to be a better partner and a better friend.
Transcript
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It's never like I'm training, I'm trying to develop qualities that my man was like, I'm trying to be the kind of woman.
00:00:06.580
It's always like, I'm just letting myself be me, you know.
00:00:12.800
Yeah, because what it really is is a cock carousel, bro. Let's call it how it is, bro.
00:00:15.620
You know, going through this scene in a season, like, bro, it's just a bunch of dick.
00:00:20.000
Why should self-healing be about your man? Why should self-healing be about another person? It's self-healing.
00:00:35.660
The things that 21-year-olds are going through, love-wise, I feel like it's crazy.
00:00:40.200
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, we have to do one at a time.
00:00:42.380
The point of this healing, I would imagine, is to become a healthy person, then have a healthy relationship, right?
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But that healthy relationship needs another person.
00:00:49.080
So when you're healing yourself, you're also trying to develop the qualities that that other person would like.
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We don't go to the gym and just decide, I'm just going to be some gym dude.
00:01:03.820
Men understand this, but I never hear women talk about the difficult things.
00:01:09.460
To me, I define it as things that actually take work.
00:01:12.460
When you talk about the men you want, I never hear about things that take work.
00:01:16.080
I'm going to have to learn how to have a conversation.
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I'm going to have to learn how to support him in a way that still respects him.
00:01:24.300
It's always accept who you are, whatever you are, all the time, and wait for the world to come to my doorstep.
00:01:30.460
No, it's true, because even in my last relationship, I was realizing I was the one always making the decisions or, like, in, like, literally all of my past relationship.
00:01:41.340
And that's more of, like, a masculine trait, yeah?
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So what I had to realize was how to have a conversation in a way that was more feminine.
00:01:48.100
Like, what you were saying earlier, like, if the man was to come with his problems, instead of me saying, okay, cool, I'm the one that has to fix it and think, or what's the answer to his problem?
00:02:01.860
And letting him come up with the answer and be the man.
00:02:04.180
So I'm kind of working on things like that a bit more on, like, my replies and stuff, because my automatic response would be, let me heal this man, or da-da-da-da.
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So I need to get out of that before getting into another relationship.
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Have you considered that finding a man that does not bring his problems to you and solves them for himself might be the best life for you?
00:02:23.240
But, I mean, if he does come to me about a problem, like, he's not coming to me to fix it.
00:02:29.360
Not a thing where it's like, oh, this happened.
00:02:31.980
But if it's like, this happened, but it's like, as his woman, he's just, no, he's just venting.
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But it's like, if he knows, like, from past experiences, that the woman is going to be fix his problem, fix his problem, and he's going to feel pity for, like, she's going to feel pity for him.
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But if he knows that I, as a woman, I'm not going to feel pity for him, he will feel comfortable to, like, say it.
00:03:12.680
Like, I was born in a household with my mom and my dad, but, and they're married and everything.
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So that's why I feel like I've come off as, like, such an independent woman, like, boss lady in all my relationships.
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I'll be paying for things because I was more of my dad.
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And I would look up to him and be like, oh, um, I would look at him as my role model.
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So I'd be like, you know, I'll pay for the dates, whatever.
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Would you be willing and accepting if a strong man came into your life and helped build you into a wife?
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No, I'm saying, I'm, I hear you're saying, carousel season.
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What I'm saying is, if he came into your life, would you be accepting of him building you into the wife that he wanted?
00:04:03.180
Like, that is what I feel like this healing is for, for that.
00:04:07.660
Just to show of hands, who on the panel wants to be married?
00:04:14.020
And who on the panel feels like they were raised to be a wife?
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Because, especially with my culture, I'm South American.
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So I feel like in my culture, there's two sides.
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There's obviously the side that everyone talks about that's not very good and all of this bad stuff.
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But then, on the other hand, I've actually been raised in Brazil and I've actually grown up in a strict Catholic household.
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Like, from a young age, she would tell me, like, oh, this is what, not really exactly what you have to do, but this is what a man.
00:04:57.560
Like, the traits that a man would like, like cooking, cleaning, being supportive.
00:05:05.860
That's something I never agreed with, but that's just my personal choice.
00:05:09.040
Like, obviously, in the broader picture, I do see men bringing other women home.
00:05:13.780
But in my personal choice, that was something that, that's something that can never run.
00:05:17.440
So, I have a question for the women that said that they want to be wives, but they don't feel like they're raised to be a wife.
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Have you guys ever sought to, like, seek that out?
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I don't really look back at my past to, I don't know, to move forward.
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I just know what I want for myself, and I know that.
00:06:10.100
But, no, but, I mean, if I wanted to be a pro, like, I played volleyball, right?
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And what did I do to become a pro volleyball player?
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No, I agree with that, and I think that's a problem with society today.
00:06:29.600
We don't, I don't know, I think people like Kevin Samuels, like, he was important
00:06:34.500
because, especially for me, he made me think about what the type of guys I want would want
00:06:42.580
I never thought about that before I started listening to him.
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You know, he was the first person to say, hey, like, it's all good thinking about what
00:06:49.980
But what about thinking about what the type of guys you want would want from you?
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How do you, how do you learn, how do you go about learning what they want and then
00:06:58.460
And I think that's the problem with, with society today.
00:07:03.080
It's all about, yeah, it's all about, well, this is how I am.
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And, you know, I need to find someone who can, who can match that.
00:07:10.440
But I definitely am somebody that thinks about what, you know, the type of husband I
00:07:17.900
I, I, and I acknowledge that I don't know everything, you know, which is why I'm, I
00:07:22.700
don't know when people are talking, I'm very quiet.
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I, I'm like, I'm the type of person where it's like, I'm, I want to learn.
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What, what, what is your source of information or where do you, where do you kind of gain
00:07:44.360
It's just, it's just listening to conversations like this.
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Kevin Samuels for me was somebody that really like got me interested in, in thinking about
00:07:54.700
Well, there's a huge space online of self-improvement for men because men, you know,
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generally recognize, you know, if the, if the guy is sitting there and he's not getting,
00:08:01.980
you know, the dating life he wants, he's not having the relationships he wants.
00:08:04.640
He recognizes, well, okay, I need to do something about this.
00:08:08.460
And so then, you know, they go to the internet and they find people who are talking about,
00:08:11.640
you know, making money or, or, or going to the gym or, you know, all of these different
00:08:16.960
I think there's less of that for women because I mean, there is, there is some, um, but there's
00:08:23.440
Plastic surgery because women are mainly, you know, there's a, there's a sense in the
00:08:28.740
You know, we say, well, I'm enough, you know, um, that gets said very often, doesn't it?
00:08:32.920
And, and because women are sort of pedestalized in mainstream society, the woman is encouraged
00:08:42.180
And actually really what we should all be doing is looking at how we can improve.
00:08:50.700
No, I was just going to say like, for me, I obviously I'd love to be married, like in
00:08:54.420
Like I don't think, you know, I don't know a girl that wouldn't want to be in a happy
00:08:57.940
marriage and this like that, but I wasn't raised by, uh, I was raised in a single parent
00:09:04.200
Like my mum raised me and my brother and she's not married.
00:09:06.600
She never got married to my dad and I couldn't ask for anything more.
00:09:09.600
Like I think I have, I took some of the best morals from her and my grandma, like really, really
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And I would take those things that I learned from them into my, into my future marriage.
00:09:22.640
And then anything added is about learning and picking up from other people that are
00:09:28.180
You know, whether it be friends, family, who you see on social media, who you see just around.
00:09:33.960
So are you saying you don't think you should seek out married women for advice or you do?
00:09:40.500
I think it does help, but like, I'm just saying that the process is just about learning.
00:09:47.320
If you haven't had that, you know, you don't know.
00:09:51.180
It sounds like when you ask a student whether they've done extra reading on the topic and
00:09:54.380
they're like, you know, I saw some TikTok videos and YouTube show.
00:09:58.380
So I think like Tim was talking about some in the corridor, I think you have to actively
00:10:02.660
look to understand the divine feminine and the role of a woman and a wife and how that
00:10:09.900
I think it sounds like it's very, it sounds like you're not doing that.
00:10:14.200
But if you were to be honest with yourself to say, am I looking out, like, am I seeking
00:10:19.340
out that information and really trying to, I'll tell you how a man does it, right?
00:10:22.860
I've read three or four books on how to engage with women, because when I was younger, I
00:10:29.320
I had me and my, one of my closest friends in uni, our whole relationship is based on
00:10:34.400
Now text people get no response and he would dissect the text and be like, you said too
00:10:42.540
You kind of gave the impression that you asked him for permission here.
00:10:47.960
I read bang volume one, two, I read all these books to try and understand women.
00:10:51.820
And I feel like you need to do a similar thing to understand what the man, you want, a high
00:10:57.380
Yeah, but the problem is, Alex, when we were sold these books, like why men love bitches
00:11:05.260
It's like, what, what quality book is there to understand men?
00:11:13.600
He meets a woman who's like got basic levels of confidence, falls in love with her and then
00:11:17.320
gives up his whole life and stability to chase her.
00:11:20.920
It's, it's what these women, like, uh, these women that baby trap athletes think are like,
00:11:34.760
It's saying you're so cute that top man will eventually fall for you for no reason because
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you'll, as many of you know, I was just banned on Tik TOK and we are demonetized on a daily
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