JustPearlyThings - May 19, 2023


When Women Say 'Im Healing'


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

222.68802

Word count

2,656

Sentence count

209

Harmful content

Misogyny

17

sentences flagged

Hate speech

8

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about self-healing from a relationship and how important it is to have a healthy relationship with someone you care deeply for. We also talk about how to be a better partner and a better friend.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.240 No, for me it is.
00:00:01.820 It's never like I'm training, I'm trying to develop qualities that my man was like, I'm trying to be the kind of woman.
00:00:06.580 It's always like, I'm just letting myself be me, you know.
00:00:09.340 Because maybe it's about her soul.
00:00:11.520 I think that's definitely important, though.
00:00:12.800 Yeah, because what it really is is a cock carousel, bro. Let's call it how it is, bro.
00:00:15.620 You know, going through this scene in a season, like, bro, it's just a bunch of dick.
00:00:20.000 Why should self-healing be about your man? Why should self-healing be about another person? It's self-healing.
00:00:28.000 The point they're making is that we're...
00:00:30.220 Self-healing from what? She's 21 years old.
00:00:31.980 No, but you can do it.
00:00:33.280 This generation is so different. I'm so sorry. 1.00
00:00:35.660 The things that 21-year-olds are going through, love-wise, I feel like it's crazy.
00:00:40.200 Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, we have to do one at a time.
00:00:42.380 The point of this healing, I would imagine, is to become a healthy person, then have a healthy relationship, right?
00:00:46.660 Yeah.
00:00:47.160 But that healthy relationship needs another person.
00:00:49.080 So when you're healing yourself, you're also trying to develop the qualities that that other person would like.
00:00:53.360 See, men understand this, right?
00:00:54.760 We don't go to the gym and just decide, I'm just going to be some gym dude.
00:00:57.580 Now I want to do better with my job.
00:00:59.840 I want to have better fashion sense.
00:01:01.020 I want to work in my anger management.
00:01:03.820 Men understand this, but I never hear women talk about the difficult things. 0.98
00:01:09.460 To me, I define it as things that actually take work.
00:01:12.460 When you talk about the men you want, I never hear about things that take work.
00:01:16.080 I'm going to have to learn how to have a conversation.
00:01:17.640 I'm going to have to learn how to support him in a way that still respects him.
00:01:20.960 I never hear about the difficult things.
00:01:22.680 It's always what comes naturally.
00:01:24.300 It's always accept who you are, whatever you are, all the time, and wait for the world to come to my doorstep.
00:01:30.460 No, it's true, because even in my last relationship, I was realizing I was the one always making the decisions or, like, in, like, literally all of my past relationship.
00:01:38.460 Well, not much, but, yeah.
00:01:39.760 So I was the one making decisions.
00:01:41.340 And that's more of, like, a masculine trait, yeah?
00:01:43.820 So what I had to realize was how to have a conversation in a way that was more feminine.
00:01:48.100 Like, what you were saying earlier, like, if the man was to come with his problems, instead of me saying, okay, cool, I'm the one that has to fix it and think, or what's the answer to his problem?
00:01:56.420 More like, you know what?
00:01:57.380 You got this.
00:01:58.100 Like, I know you can do it.
00:01:59.460 Like, I believe in you.
00:02:00.820 You can do that.
00:02:01.860 And letting him come up with the answer and be the man.
00:02:04.180 So I'm kind of working on things like that a bit more on, like, my replies and stuff, because my automatic response would be, let me heal this man, or da-da-da-da.
00:02:12.160 So I need to get out of that before getting into another relationship.
00:02:14.440 Can I ask you a question?
00:02:15.600 Yeah.
00:02:16.080 Have you considered that finding a man that does not bring his problems to you and solves them for himself might be the best life for you?
00:02:22.240 No, 100%.
00:02:23.240 But, I mean, if he does come to me about a problem, like, he's not coming to me to fix it.
00:02:27.820 He's just saying, oh, this happened.
00:02:29.360 Not a thing where it's like, oh, this happened.
00:02:31.280 What do I do?
00:02:31.980 But if it's like, this happened, but it's like, as his woman, he's just, no, he's just venting.
00:02:37.480 He's just saying it.
00:02:38.200 But my response should be, you know what?
00:02:41.140 You got this.
00:02:41.840 That is fine.
00:02:42.860 But it's like, if he knows, like, from past experiences, that the woman is going to be fix his problem, fix his problem, and he's going to feel pity for, like, she's going to feel pity for him.
00:02:52.820 She's going to want to stop. 0.97
00:02:54.140 But if he knows that I, as a woman, I'm not going to feel pity for him, he will feel comfortable to, like, say it.
00:03:00.600 I have a question.
00:03:01.780 Do you want to be married?
00:03:03.540 Yeah, I do.
00:03:04.560 Do you feel like you were raised to be a wife?
00:03:08.960 Um, no.
00:03:11.580 In my household, no.
00:03:12.680 Like, I was born in a household with my mom and my dad, but, and they're married and everything.
00:03:18.620 But I spent more time with my dad.
00:03:20.780 So that's why I feel like I've come off as, like, such an independent woman, like, boss lady in all my relationships.
00:03:26.800 I'll be paying for things because I was more of my dad.
00:03:29.220 And I would look up to him and be like, oh, um, I would look at him as my role model.
00:03:34.780 So I'd be like, you know, I'll pay for the dates, whatever.
00:03:37.100 But I'm trying to come out of that.
00:03:39.800 Like, that's part of my healing stage.
00:03:41.460 I'd like to ask you a follow-up question.
00:03:43.280 Yeah, go on.
00:03:43.840 Question.
00:03:44.900 Would you be willing and accepting if a strong man came into your life and helped build you into a wife?
00:03:49.920 I'm not ready yet.
00:03:50.800 That's why I'm in this season.
00:03:51.660 No, I'm saying, I'm, I hear you're saying, carousel season.
00:03:55.220 I get that.
00:03:55.860 What I'm saying is, if he came into your life, would you be accepting of him building you into the wife that he wanted?
00:04:01.500 Yeah, I definitely will be.
00:04:03.180 Like, that is what I feel like this healing is for, for that.
00:04:06.460 So I'm ready for that.
00:04:07.660 Just to show of hands, who on the panel wants to be married?
00:04:13.480 Oh, yeah.
00:04:14.020 And who on the panel feels like they were raised to be a wife?
00:04:18.340 I think it depends on what.
00:04:19.920 I was definitely raised to be a wife.
00:04:21.660 How?
00:04:22.480 Because, especially with my culture, I'm South American.
00:04:25.520 Which country?
00:04:26.400 I'm South American, Brazilian.
00:04:27.920 Oh, right.
00:04:28.360 Yeah.
00:04:28.880 So I feel like in my culture, there's two sides.
00:04:32.540 There's obviously the side that everyone talks about that's not very good and all of this bad stuff.
00:04:38.500 But then, on the other hand, I've actually been raised in Brazil and I've actually grown up in a strict Catholic household.
00:04:45.860 My mum's always taught me how to be a wife. 1.00
00:04:47.660 Like, from a young age, she would tell me, like, oh, this is what, not really exactly what you have to do, but this is what a man.
00:04:56.320 What you have to show.
00:04:57.320 Yeah.
00:04:57.560 Like, the traits that a man would like, like cooking, cleaning, being supportive.
00:05:01.920 Bring a woman home. 1.00
00:05:02.580 Bring a woman home. 1.00
00:05:02.880 Bring a woman home. 1.00
00:05:02.960 Bring a woman home. 1.00
00:05:05.240 Okay.
00:05:05.860 That's something I never agreed with, but that's just my personal choice.
00:05:09.040 Like, obviously, in the broader picture, I do see men bringing other women home.
00:05:13.780 But in my personal choice, that was something that, that's something that can never run.
00:05:17.440 So, I have a question for the women that said that they want to be wives, but they don't feel like they're raised to be a wife. 1.00
00:05:26.880 Do you guys have married women around you? 0.96
00:05:30.560 No.
00:05:31.200 No.
00:05:32.260 I do.
00:05:32.860 No.
00:05:33.340 Yeah, I do.
00:05:35.980 Rub it in.
00:05:39.520 Anyone?
00:05:40.680 Yeah.
00:05:41.400 Oh, you have?
00:05:42.560 Okay.
00:05:42.800 Have you guys ever sought to, like, seek that out?
00:05:46.740 In what sense?
00:05:47.620 What do you mean?
00:05:47.840 Because you want to be married, right?
00:05:49.380 That's the outcome you want.
00:05:50.440 So, how would you learn how to be married?
00:05:53.040 You would look to people that are married.
00:05:55.300 Yeah.
00:05:56.220 Yeah.
00:05:56.660 Yeah, but it's a lot of sad.
00:05:58.140 Yeah.
00:05:58.480 Most of the time.
00:05:59.260 But, like, all of the sad.
00:06:01.160 I don't think about that.
00:06:02.260 I don't really look back at my past to, I don't know, to move forward.
00:06:07.620 I just know what I want for myself, and I know that.
00:06:10.100 But, no, but, I mean, if I wanted to be a pro, like, I played volleyball, right?
00:06:13.720 I was offered a pro contract in the fall.
00:06:16.040 And what did I do to become a pro volleyball player?
00:06:19.100 Yeah.
00:06:19.380 Almost.
00:06:19.960 Right?
00:06:20.560 The YouTube thing took off.
00:06:22.120 I had to get coaches.
00:06:23.760 Yeah, yeah.
00:06:24.260 To teach me how to play.
00:06:25.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:06:26.180 No, I agree with that, and I think that's a problem with society today.
00:06:29.600 We don't, I don't know, I think people like Kevin Samuels, like, he was important
00:06:34.500 because, especially for me, he made me think about what the type of guys I want would want
00:06:41.980 from me.
00:06:42.580 I never thought about that before I started listening to him.
00:06:45.080 You know, he was the first person to say, hey, like, it's all good thinking about what
00:06:49.020 you want as a woman.
00:06:49.980 But what about thinking about what the type of guys you want would want from you?
00:06:53.800 How do you, how do you learn, how do you go about learning what they want and then
00:06:57.420 bringing that to the table?
00:06:58.460 And I think that's the problem with, with society today.
00:07:03.080 It's all about, yeah, it's all about, well, this is how I am.
00:07:06.580 And, you know, I need to find someone who can, who can match that.
00:07:10.440 But I definitely am somebody that thinks about what, you know, the type of husband I
00:07:15.960 would want, would want from me.
00:07:17.900 I, I, and I acknowledge that I don't know everything, you know, which is why I'm, I
00:07:22.700 don't know when people are talking, I'm very quiet.
00:07:24.500 I, I'm like, I'm the type of person where it's like, I'm, I want to learn.
00:07:28.080 I want to learn.
00:07:29.040 Yeah.
00:07:29.200 What, what do you consult?
00:07:30.360 What, what, what is your source of information or where do you, where do you kind of gain
00:07:34.380 your knowledge on this topic?
00:07:35.160 I hope not that book.
00:07:38.460 I haven't read that book actually.
00:07:40.020 I don't know.
00:07:40.920 Um, I think, um, I don't know.
00:07:44.360 It's just, it's just listening to conversations like this.
00:07:47.620 Kevin Samuels for me was somebody that really like got me interested in, in thinking about
00:07:51.720 this sort of stuff.
00:07:52.880 I don't know.
00:07:53.540 I don't know.
00:07:54.020 I guess.
00:07:54.380 Yeah.
00:07:54.700 Well, there's a huge space online of self-improvement for men because men, you know,
00:07:58.080 generally recognize, you know, if the, if the guy is sitting there and he's not getting,
00:08:01.980 you know, the dating life he wants, he's not having the relationships he wants.
00:08:04.640 He recognizes, well, okay, I need to do something about this.
00:08:07.140 The onus is on me.
00:08:08.460 And so then, you know, they go to the internet and they find people who are talking about,
00:08:11.640 you know, making money or, or, or going to the gym or, you know, all of these different
00:08:15.360 things.
00:08:15.640 It's all about self-improvement.
00:08:16.960 I think there's less of that for women because I mean, there is, there is some, um, but there's 1.00
00:08:21.300 less of it for women because, because. 1.00
00:08:22.520 Plastic surgery.
00:08:23.140 Yeah.
00:08:23.440 Plastic surgery because women are mainly, you know, there's a, there's a sense in the 1.00
00:08:27.600 culture that women are enough. 1.00
00:08:28.740 You know, we say, well, I'm enough, you know, um, that gets said very often, doesn't it?
00:08:32.920 And, and because women are sort of pedestalized in mainstream society, the woman is encouraged 1.00
00:08:37.940 to think, oh, I'm a princess anyway.
00:08:39.100 I'm some, I'm, I'm somebody's queen anyway.
00:08:40.720 So I don't need to do anything.
00:08:42.180 And actually really what we should all be doing is looking at how we can improve.
00:08:45.700 I agree with that.
00:08:46.700 Because I knew that.
00:08:47.700 Yeah.
00:08:48.700 Go on.
00:08:49.700 Do you want to talk?
00:08:50.700 No, I was just going to say like, for me, I obviously I'd love to be married, like in
00:08:53.420 the future.
00:08:54.420 Like I don't think, you know, I don't know a girl that wouldn't want to be in a happy 0.69
00:08:57.940 marriage and this like that, but I wasn't raised by, uh, I was raised in a single parent
00:09:03.200 household.
00:09:04.200 Like my mum raised me and my brother and she's not married.
00:09:06.600 She never got married to my dad and I couldn't ask for anything more.
00:09:09.600 Like I think I have, I took some of the best morals from her and my grandma, like really, really
00:09:14.740 strong, influential women in my life.
00:09:17.620 And I would take those things that I learned from them into my, into my future marriage.
00:09:22.640 And then anything added is about learning and picking up from other people that are
00:09:26.740 also influential in your life.
00:09:28.180 You know, whether it be friends, family, who you see on social media, who you see just around.
00:09:32.960 That's what I think.
00:09:33.960 So are you saying you don't think you should seek out married women for advice or you do?
00:09:38.180 I'm just, I'm confused.
00:09:39.500 No, no, no.
00:09:40.500 I think it does help, but like, I'm just saying that the process is just about learning.
00:09:47.320 If you haven't had that, you know, you don't know.
00:09:49.380 You know what this sounds like to me, right?
00:09:51.180 It sounds like when you ask a student whether they've done extra reading on the topic and
00:09:54.380 they're like, you know, I saw some TikTok videos and YouTube show.
00:09:58.380 So I think like Tim was talking about some in the corridor, I think you have to actively
00:10:02.660 look to understand the divine feminine and the role of a woman and a wife and how that
00:10:09.000 can complement a man.
00:10:09.900 I think it sounds like it's very, it sounds like you're not doing that.
00:10:14.200 But if you were to be honest with yourself to say, am I looking out, like, am I seeking
00:10:19.340 out that information and really trying to, I'll tell you how a man does it, right?
00:10:22.860 I've read three or four books on how to engage with women, because when I was younger, I
00:10:26.900 couldn't, I couldn't get down texting game.
00:10:29.320 I had me and my, one of my closest friends in uni, our whole relationship is based on
00:10:32.960 me learning how to text.
00:10:34.400 Now text people get no response and he would dissect the text and be like, you said too
00:10:38.940 much here.
00:10:39.720 This could have been a simple sentence.
00:10:41.240 It was a compound sentence.
00:10:42.540 You kind of gave the impression that you asked him for permission here.
00:10:45.100 And I eventually figured it out.
00:10:46.660 I read the art of seduction.
00:10:47.960 I read bang volume one, two, I read all these books to try and understand women. 1.00
00:10:51.820 And I feel like you need to do a similar thing to understand what the man, you want, a high
00:10:55.600 level man would want from a woman. 0.93
00:10:57.380 Yeah, but the problem is, Alex, when we were sold these books, like why men love bitches 1.00
00:11:01.920 to understand men.
00:11:03.780 Or the movie Hitch.
00:11:05.260 It's like, what, what quality book is there to understand men?
00:11:08.760 You're being misled.
00:11:10.420 Even Hitch, Hitch doesn't even make sense.
00:11:12.400 So he's this suave guy.
00:11:13.600 He meets a woman who's like got basic levels of confidence, falls in love with her and then
00:11:17.320 gives up his whole life and stability to chase her.
00:11:19.480 It's a, it's a movie about ego.
00:11:20.920 It's, it's what these women, like, uh, these women that baby trap athletes think are like, 1.00
00:11:25.860 oh, I'm going to change him.
00:11:26.660 And then he's going to like drop everything.
00:11:27.980 And that's the real message.
00:11:29.400 It's not saying I had to change.
00:11:30.700 I had to meet him halfway.
00:11:32.080 I had to help him feel safe.
00:11:33.460 That's, that's not what it's saying.
00:11:34.760 It's saying you're so cute that top man will eventually fall for you for no reason because
00:11:39.260 you'll, as many of you know, I was just banned on Tik TOK and we are demonetized on a daily
00:11:45.040 basis on this platform.
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