JustPearlyThings - Who Does A Better Job Raising Kids？？

00:00:00.000 Do you think mothers or fathers are better at raising sick children by themselves?

00:00:08.720 Start here. 0.99

00:00:09.740 Sick or sick, sorry.

00:00:11.460 So do you think that mothers or fathers are better at raising children by themselves?

00:00:17.620 I would say, like, me personally, because I come from a family of two parents,

00:00:25.080 everything seems a bit nuclear.

00:00:27.040 So even if my family have arguments and disagreements, it's good to learn from both parents.

00:00:36.060 You know, I feel better being in a nuclear family than being in a single-parent family

00:00:42.360 because I feel like I wouldn't get the best of both parents.

00:00:49.380 Who do you think is a better parent, mother or fathers, statistically?

00:00:52.480 Statistically, mothers. 0.81

00:00:55.000 Okay.

00:00:55.820 What about you?

00:00:57.040 Honestly, it depends who's willing to step up to the job.

00:01:01.900 I feel like fathers have a lot to offer, as well as women.

00:01:07.640 And, I mean, honestly, apart from breastfeeding, what can't a man do that a woman can? 1.00

00:01:12.920 Men might be more inclined to provide, but that doesn't mean that they don't have the emotional capacity

00:01:18.100 or emotional intelligence to provide for a child like that, same way a mother could provide for her child financially in all the ways that men typically do. 0.56

00:01:28.520 But I've got to say, statistically, probably the mother.

00:01:35.980 As a mother, what do you think?

00:01:37.240 Growing up myself, my situation was shared parenting.

00:01:45.360 So, I went three, four days with my dad and half of my mum growing up until I got to about age 11.

00:01:52.940 I would say there was things that I learned when I was with my dad and then also things that with my mum.

00:02:02.000 So, it's in that, but at the same time, I would say, statistically, mothers, but not saying that dads cannot raise children on their own.

00:02:15.600 I think that if they were raised by a two-parent household themselves, they would know how to do both.

00:02:23.800 So, but yeah, that's what I would say.

00:02:25.400 Charlie, you're a single father, right?

00:02:27.720 Yeah.

00:02:29.260 I don't think we'll know until you get the balance changing.

00:02:33.080 I mean, like you said, you get 80%.

00:02:35.340 Is that right?

00:02:36.260 Where single families tend to be the kids with the mothers? 0.82

00:02:39.160 So, if you balance that out with the 20% of dads that have their kids and they're better off financially, if you've got a 50-50 ratio, which I don't advocate for, I don't like things like that.

00:02:50.100 But if you did have that, you might get a better answer to the question.

00:02:54.400 I'll give you the statistics, right?

00:02:56.320 Pew reports that the median adjusted annual income for a single dad with two children is about $40,000 in America,

00:03:06.040 compared to $26,000 for a single mom with two children.

00:03:11.520 So, would you say that financially, well, it does say financially, children are better off with a single father?

00:03:19.260 I think it confirms the gender roles, actually.

00:03:22.180 You know, mothers are there to nurture and to raise and to rear children, and men are there to provide and protect.

00:03:27.000 I think that statistic actually goes to show that that is the natural order of things,

00:03:31.340 because men are more productive in the sense of what you've described, those statistics there.

00:03:36.040 But I'm biased, I think I'm a great dad, so I don't necessarily think that you can have a binary, women are better, men are worse. 1.00

00:03:45.100 I think it just depends on the person, it depends on how you are guided, how you're raised, what your morals are, you know, it's all those things.

00:03:52.120 I mean, I think you need them for different things, like men and women are needed for different things.

00:03:56.860 But the reason that I think men tend to be better single parents is because women are chemically different every day. 0.99

00:04:03.420 So, over a certain age, it's very confusing for the kid, because one day she's, you know, more irritable, one day less irritable, where men are more consistent.

00:04:12.320 Like, as I think most girls can attest, the week before a period, we're not playing.

00:04:17.820 I was going to say, so does that, you just said that women are more like emotionally unstable, you would say. 1.00

00:04:33.880 Yeah.

00:04:34.140 So, do you think it's the best advice for her to have the kid when she's emotionally unstable, for like, for her to have the decision?

00:04:41.000 I mean, she should be married before she has a kid. 1.00

00:04:45.480 No, we're talking about, like, modern day.

00:04:46.960 Do you think, like, you know how Road vs. Wade, like, the new abortion stuff? 0.56

00:04:50.860 Do you think that a woman, during the time when she's pregnant, when her emotions are everywhere, her homos are everywhere, do you think she should be able to make that decision of whether or not she has the kid or not? 1.00

00:05:01.740 Do you think she's in the right frame of mind?

00:05:03.940 No, I don't believe in abortion.

00:05:06.240 So, I think if that's your bad lie in it.

00:05:09.640 What were you saying?

00:05:10.540 Yeah.

00:05:10.700 Hang on, one second.

00:05:11.280 What were you saying?

00:05:12.320 Yeah.

00:05:12.600 Who do you think the better parent is?

00:05:14.420 So, I don't think people understand how important the role of a father is when it comes to raising a child.

00:05:20.880 Yeah, between the ages of, you know, from birth to eight, the child being raised when mother's fine.

00:05:26.920 But then, from that point on, especially when you have a son, the father plays such an important role in that child's life.

00:05:32.560 Even men don't even understand how deep it is.

00:05:34.600 So, every 70%, I think 70% of people, children born into, you know, single parent households that are geared towards women.

00:05:45.240 So, it's a single mother. 0.85

00:05:46.640 So, their life is way, way worse than, you know, if it was in a double parent household, basically. 0.92

00:05:55.760 And even things like, if in a fatherless home, a child is, 41% of children are, sorry, end up making less than their father, which pretty much makes like a perpetual state of not being wealthy, which affects children a lot.

00:06:14.020 But, you know, fathers keep sons out of jail and daughters over the pole, as some people say.

00:06:20.300 But, it's actually so crazy how important it is.

00:06:22.720 Yes, when they're young, fair enough, you know, keep with a mum.

00:06:24.560 But, when they get past a certain age, again, especially with sons, you kind of have to stop leaving them with the mums.

00:06:31.100 Because, especially when you have a son, you can't, you know, you can't really discipline him as much because he's stronger than you.

00:06:36.600 You know, so, you need that testosterone to match.

00:06:39.940 So, single mothers are four times more likely to live below the poverty line without a father in the house in America, according to Census Bureau report, U.S. Census Bureau report.

00:06:54.900 They're four times more likely to live below the poverty line.

00:06:57.980 So, having a father in the house is essential for the financial stability of a child and also the mental stability of a child.

00:07:06.320 Well, many women are on track to be homeless now because women, because we're more emotional, we tend to make more, like, quick buying decisions. 0.94

00:07:14.940 I mean, how many girls do you know that are addicted to, like, shopping? 1.00

00:07:17.780 And, I can think of, like, five off the top of my head.

00:07:21.320 And, that's why a lot of advertising campaigns are directed as women because, again, we're chemically different and we're more likely to be influenced by that stuff. 1.00

00:07:28.160 And, so, we're more likely to make, like, quick purchasing decisions.

00:07:32.840 But, and women own two-thirds of the world's debt. 1.00

00:07:37.580 So, even though we make $10,000 or pounds roughly than men.

00:07:43.020 More per year?

00:07:44.200 No, less.

00:07:44.980 Oh, less.

00:07:45.440 Even though we make less money, we spend more.

00:07:47.620 And, 70 to 80% of consumer buying decisions are made by women. 0.51

00:07:51.160 And, so, it makes a lot of sense to me that a lot of women that are in single, their single mother homes are below the poverty line.

00:07:59.020 Wow.

00:07:59.940 Can I ask you, though, Charlie, right?

00:08:02.700 How did it get to the point where you are now a single father?

00:08:05.920 Because it's quite rare.

00:08:07.980 Yeah, I mean, to be honest, me and my daughter's mother, we were together for a long time.

00:08:14.820 But, when it comes to an end, it just was, it was natural to me to kind of assume the role of being a full-time parent.

00:08:24.200 I mean, my lifestyle suited it because I work in music.

00:08:27.940 So, most of my work comes on the weekends.

00:08:30.180 So, I have that freedom to be around during the week when there's responsibility involved.

00:08:36.540 But, what I would say, though, is that we worked very hard to get to a point now where we both have a big role in our daughter's life.

00:08:43.960 So, there isn't any animosity now.

00:08:46.180 There isn't any tension now.

00:08:47.200 There's no drama now.

00:08:48.380 And, I think that, in the beginning, you have to really meander your way through that to work out, are you doing what's best for the child?

00:08:56.520 Because, listening to half of the conversation from the other side of the camera in this debate tonight, there's lots of trivialization, I find, with the raising of children.

00:09:06.920 It's like, we've all been blessed.

00:09:08.480 Well, you and I have been blessed.

00:09:09.340 Sorry, not all of us.

00:09:10.020 Us three have been blessed with children.

00:09:12.000 And, I find that some of the arguments that parents can have are so minor in the grand context of life, of raising that child, is so minor.

00:09:21.260 No, I agree.

00:09:23.620 However, I think that, like I said, because the child is normally with the mother, those, let's say, petty arguments normally come from that side.

00:09:37.700 I had my share at the beginning.

00:09:40.400 When we first broke up, we had a few ding-dongs. 0.99

00:09:43.080 I think that's expected when you break up with anyone.

00:09:46.660 Whether you've got children or not, you have a few ding-dongs at the end.

00:09:48.620 I mean, I think that, you're right, it is rare, but I don't think that makes me exceptional.

00:09:58.000 Some people look at me like I'm some sort of unicorn sometimes when I tell my story, but it's like, it's not that deep.

00:10:03.040 Like, we made a decision to have a child, and we've tried our best to do the best we can, and I'm very proud of the job we've done.

00:10:10.300 I think a lot of the time, when it comes to using a child as a pawn, women know how to tell stories, right? 1.00

00:10:20.980 And a lot of the time, women are believed, especially when it comes to the family court system. 1.00

00:10:25.320 A woman can say, a man can, he's quote-unquote abusive, he's quote-unquote narcissistic, he's quote-unquote whatever it is that she makes up to, I guess, alienate the father from that child. 0.56

00:10:40.460 She's more likely to be believed than a father saying, oh, the reason why I want to take the child.

00:10:45.880 Like, in a lot of cases, a woman has to damn near be caught strangling her child for that child to be removed from her.

00:10:55.320 Do you know what's a crazy story that I heard in the U.S.?

00:10:58.780 There was a mother that gave her kid up for adoption, even though the father wanted it. 0.95

00:11:04.700 And the father, like, had no rights in the court system, because she chose to give it up for adoption.

00:11:10.840 Yeah, like, father's rights in the court system, as I said, I've spoken to so many different men when it comes to the court system,

00:11:18.200 and the family court system, specifically in the U.K. and the U.S., is so heavily skewed towards women,

00:11:24.520 that I don't know if you remember in 2004 with Fathers for Justice when they scaled Buckingham Palace, right?

00:11:30.200 I don't know if you know this story, Pearl.

00:11:31.660 So over here in 2004, there's an organization called Fathers for Justice, right?

00:11:36.060 And they are single fathers, or their fathers separated from their children,

00:11:40.340 and they want justice to try and see their children. 0.79

00:11:42.380 They got to the point where they went to Buckingham Palace, risked their lives,

00:11:47.240 put on a Batman suit, a Spider-Man suit, and scaled Buckingham Palace,

00:11:50.500 and put a banner up saying Fathers for Justice.

00:11:53.040 And I'm just thinking, if men have to get to the point where they can actually lose their lives,

00:11:56.560 because if you're going, it's like going on the White House lawn,

00:11:59.100 trying to get on the White House lawn, you're going to get shot, do you know what I mean?

00:12:01.800 But if men have to go to that degree to try and tell the government, 0.85

00:12:06.180 look, something needs to change here.

00:12:08.180 I have a stat.

00:12:09.240 So one study in 2004 confirmed that divorced people have a higher suicide rate than their married peers,

00:12:14.680 and that divorced men are eight times more likely to kill themselves than divorced women's overall.

00:12:19.360 Correct.

00:12:20.000 I think when fathers are removed from their children, 0.61

00:12:22.500 people assume that a lot of fathers are just deadbeats.

00:12:26.160 They don't care about their children.

00:12:27.460 But a lot of the time, it affects them mentally.

00:12:29.760 Well, and they could be in financial ruins over it, too.

00:12:32.340 Yes.

00:12:32.840 I mean, men need purpose.

00:12:34.920 Right.

00:12:35.460 I think that when you have children and you want to be a good man,

00:12:38.820 children give you purpose.

00:12:39.820 So if a woman is able to remove that at will, even sometimes on a whim, 0.99

00:12:46.280 your life can become meaningless.

00:12:48.800 Right.

00:12:49.280 And I'm fortunate to have never experienced that, and I hope I never do,

00:12:53.080 never have to go for any legal troubles, anything like that.

00:12:56.120 But if I did and I couldn't see my daughter, I wouldn't want to live.

00:13:01.200 And that's the reality that I think when women play games, 1.00

00:13:05.320 they don't take that into account because, like you said,

00:13:09.340 they're emotional creatures.

00:13:10.480 Women are emotional creatures more often than not. 1.00

00:13:12.500 And they don't have the rationale to go,

00:13:14.700 actually, let's take a step back and look at this.

00:13:16.480 That's not all women. 1.00

00:13:17.220 I'm not generalizing.

00:13:18.320 There's some great single mothers that get on great with their dads. 0.97

00:13:21.940 But on the whole, you hear more stories about it.

00:13:24.780 And I think that people are just expected to just look at men and go,

00:13:29.700 oh, well, he'll get on with it.

00:13:30.600 He's a man.

00:13:31.080 He's fine.

00:13:31.460 He'll get on with it.

00:13:32.060 Like, he'll be stoic.

00:13:32.800 He'll keep a stiff upper lip and he'll crack on.

00:13:35.120 But it's not really like that for men because, you know,

00:13:37.500 when we talk about our emotions about kids,

00:13:40.580 you don't talk to women about your emotions with your kids.

00:13:42.820 You talk to other dads.

00:13:43.660 Yes.

00:13:44.100 And you don't have that conversation.

00:13:45.380 Women don't know how we really feel. 1.00

00:13:46.680 Yeah, they don't.

00:13:48.440 It's kind of mad when you talk about your experience with your daughter

00:13:51.100 and things because I think being a dad can be –

00:13:54.040 I'm not a dad, but from what I've seen,

00:13:55.980 from conversations I've had with people,

00:13:58.880 being a dad can be such a thankless job

00:14:00.820 because when you're doing things right,

00:14:04.980 when you're doing everything perfect,

00:14:06.500 society tells you you should be doing that.

00:14:08.920 Right.

00:14:09.120 Like, that's meant to be what you're doing.

00:14:11.420 That's the bare minimum.

00:14:12.720 Exactly.

00:14:13.240 Exactly.

00:14:13.800 When you're not perfect,

00:14:15.540 that child is going to end up resenting you at some point.

00:14:18.800 And so it's kind of crazy seeing you sit here

00:14:22.040 and saying these things because, you know,

00:14:24.540 obviously, God forbid your child ever goes up to despise you

00:14:27.300 or anything like that.

00:14:27.860 But it's such a hard job being a dad

00:14:30.920 and, you know, you seem to be taken on and you love it.

00:14:34.540 I do love it.

00:14:35.340 It's great.

00:14:36.500 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok

00:14:39.740 and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.

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JustPearlyThings - December 24, 2022

Who Does A Better Job Raising Kids？？

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