JustPearlyThings - June 30, 2023


Why Modern RELATIONSHIPS Don't WORK


Episode Stats


Length

7 minutes

Words per minute

201.9282

Word count

1,515

Sentence count

1

Harmful content

Misogyny

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the lack of emotional labour in a relationship and how to deal with conflict in a romantic relationships. We discuss the importance of emotional labor and what it means to be a good partner and how it can be used in a healthy relationship.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 can i add on to because i you tell me if i'm wrong because this was your original statement but i'm
00:00:04.960 just going to add on to it i think what she means by emotional labor is like again like it will get
00:00:09.840 to a point where you will have a hard time like you both need to push through an obstacle and i
00:00:18.640 think that the example she gave about you know the schooling whatever was more about like there's
00:00:24.480 going to be emotional turmoil and conflict can i have an example just so i could understand better
00:00:29.680 what you're talking about let's just say you know you're both at an impasse where you're just like
00:00:36.080 there there's a communication barrier like you're saying one thing and i'm saying another thing
00:00:42.240 right and we really don't see eye to eye and we should just keep on trying to push through keep
00:00:51.280 on trying to communicate and get through it that's what a relationship that works looks like
00:00:58.480 but one party man or woman the emotional labor what's the actual issue 0.93
00:01:04.800 have you ever been in a relationship yeah i have okay everyone says i haven't but i have
00:01:11.360 virgin vibes let's take you at your word then so you've been in a relationship have you ever had to
00:01:18.400 make a decision in that relationship either you say that you believe in traditional relationships
00:01:22.320 has your partner ever had to know i think i think one i think traditional relationships work better
00:01:27.680 because if you look at the history of them relationships tend to work better in countries
00:01:31.360 that have more traditional relationships and you know if you look at 100 years ago 95 of people
00:01:37.120 were married but i'll say no i wasn't a good girlfriend i think that's why we broke up well i'm not sure
00:01:41.920 that answers the question which which part well have you ever had a confrontation or a disagreement
00:01:47.680 with your partner ever in history yeah and the result of that confrontation was what have you
00:01:52.720 ever broken up over a disagreement irreconcilable differences um yeah yeah um it was more different
00:01:59.200 values though so it was like it was kind of getting to the point where we've been dating a bit and it was
00:02:04.560 either we're going to get you know married take that next step or we're not and i just didn't see us
00:02:08.400 getting married because our backgrounds were just a bit too different and do you think that um sort of
00:02:13.200 unwillingness to compromise was um would you say that that's a lack of emotional labor to see where
00:02:19.680 the other person is coming from and make the necessary adjustments um i would say there's different
00:02:24.080 situations um where i definitely did not compromise and i should have like um but in that situation i
00:02:30.320 think it's just picking what you want to marry okay you know like i think before you get married you
00:02:34.640 should weigh out what you want do you think everything can be known before you get into that situation or
00:02:40.320 are there are there instances in the relationship where you go you discover things about them and
00:02:44.560 you have to decide at that point you're at you're at a sort of decision point you have to say i want
00:02:49.040 to marry this person we're going to work it out or actually this is a bit too difficult and i'm not
00:02:53.760 willing to compromise on this and neither are they so we have to part ways yeah um do do i think
00:02:58.240 there's situations where issues come up and you might find out something about him or he might find
00:03:02.960 out something he's like oh you slept with a hundred people what like i can't compromise on that or whatever it is
00:03:08.320 yeah you know but that's not a that's not that's not like a compromise that's more of like a
00:03:12.640 deception thing yeah which is ties into trust which if you don't have trust in relationship it's game
00:03:17.600 over yeah yeah yeah um but does that answer your question well i i wonder if are we on the same page
00:03:26.400 here do we do we i see that i i i get it you're trying to find the answers of why she believes that and
00:03:37.040 you're yeah but no the emotional because you're you want to understand why and why she feels like that
00:03:44.560 i guess so i understand the emotional labor point because i've been through that and then you know
00:03:48.800 and it's so because when you're in the relationship too you know you feel like a fool because you're
00:03:53.440 like damn like i'm willing to push through here dickhead and they're just like no i'm just gonna see 0.89
00:04:02.720 you later i'm gonna download the modella hitch you know i'm gonna be on out of here it's the fact that
00:04:07.760 they give up yes at a point where if you when you had that discussion about you know how you'd like
00:04:14.320 things to be conducted or how you would deal with the matter if the matter ever arose and the fact that
00:04:19.760 they give up yeah to me that's disheartening so that's the hardest thing i will give everybody
00:04:24.800 what they want which is the attempt the the ability to throw shade at their exes so 0.94
00:04:32.720 but the reality of the situation is this it's not that they just gave up on you
00:04:39.440 they're just quitters in general yeah yeah yeah they don't how many times in your you can reflect on
00:04:45.120 your cases yeah how many times did they give up on you and went off and had happily ever after
00:04:50.240 or are they still jumping from person to person to person i've broken up with all mine so oh i don't
00:04:56.640 i just put it out there so you're the you're the person you're the person you're the quitter
00:05:02.160 no no no no okay i have a selfie selfie is the quitter i'm selfish i'm she's the quitter i know i'm
00:05:09.840 selfish girl knows what you gotta get that's what it is and the reason why i did it personally was 0.62
00:05:16.160 because i felt and i've had a conversation with him at the point i i felt that i was being you know
00:05:24.400 let down in a way because i wasn't able to do what i wanted to do and i felt like it was always about him
00:05:30.880 yeah and he would always put himself first he goes oh i've done this i've done this and i go well
00:05:35.760 yeah i get you done that and i support you in that and i want you to know keep going with it
00:05:41.200 but then at the end of the day he wasn't making me feel the way that i felt that i was giving it
00:05:47.360 to him it wasn't reciprocated yeah yeah exactly so relationships have to be a pendulum right
00:05:54.240 both ways absolutely and if one person's doing more than the other it's just it's not gonna work
00:05:59.680 i think when we get into the habit of keeping score i think that in itself is destructive
00:06:05.520 yeah i don't know like what a lot of times i don't know what we think marriage is supposed to be
00:06:11.120 like marriage is actually no it's not supposed to be if you look at like truly traditional marriage
00:06:15.760 it's not supposed to be about us yeah when they say like you know your relationship should be 50 50
00:06:20.160 that's bullshit it should be 100 100 like i give 100 of my effort you give 100 because when you start 0.83
00:06:26.880 getting to the point because i could easily be like well when was last time you paid for dinner
00:06:33.200 you know what was last time what was last time you ubered me home yeah what was that you know i could
00:06:39.120 i could break out the i have an accountant i can easily do that but then you start getting into like
00:06:45.280 that dark side of relationships where you're like keeping score and it's just dirty at that point you're
00:06:50.640 like okay like that's not what i signed up for you know and i'm not and i'm not saying this to like
00:06:54.400 pick on you but i think honestly like it kind of reveals more if you say i'm doing more for him
00:06:58.720 than he's doing for me like i think it reveals more about you than him because it is showing that
00:07:03.520 you're the type of person to keep score of what the other like we're not supposed to like
00:07:07.600 we're supposed to give selflessly you know and i like that's what like if you look at a traditional
00:07:11.920 life a traditional mother they're they're not keeping score oh i did this much for that kid i did this
00:07:16.160 much for my husband they're selfless yeah no your mom's never like well listen i scratched your back
00:07:21.920 for like three days so now i gotta ignore you for the next three days you know that doesn't work like
00:07:28.160 that