JustPearlyThings - August 25, 2023


Why Modern Women Are Single And Lonely


Episode Stats


Length

14 minutes

Words per minute

198.13371

Word count

2,916

Sentence count

292

Harmful content

Misogyny

36

sentences flagged

Toxicity

8

sentences flagged

Hate speech

25

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about the importance of a man in your life and how a man can make you happy. We also talk about why a woman should choose to be single and why a man should stay single.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Go ahead. I actually think that most women don't really know what happy is. 1.00
00:00:06.080 But I actually read a statistic that showed that women are the happiest when they're given a blowjob. 1.00
00:00:13.380 What? 1.00
00:00:16.840 Oh, really?
00:00:18.200 Pearl, may I end up?
00:00:19.520 No, but it's actually real.
00:00:21.320 Go ahead.
00:00:24.540 Predominantly, I think we have middle-aged women here, all maybe married, divorced. 1.00
00:00:30.620 We're in that situation where I think most of us are divorced at the moment.
00:00:35.500 And I think we're kidding ourselves when we're saying we're going to be happy without a man and that we don't need to get married.
00:00:41.560 We need a man.
00:00:43.320 I don't think no one is saying that here.
00:00:45.860 What was the question?
00:00:46.960 Can women be happy for a lifetime single? 1.00
00:00:51.460 No, they cannot.
00:00:52.780 Most, I think, have said yes, they can.
00:00:55.940 No, they cannot.
00:00:56.740 Because when they're single, they're still looking.
00:00:58.740 They're on dating websites.
00:01:00.800 And, you know, you're like, you said you were 43 and you're happy and you're single and you're in the world because you're beautiful.
00:01:09.300 You're still beautiful.
00:01:10.020 But you will age, you will get older, comes health and, you know, you will need a partner.
00:01:15.940 But who guaranteed it that partner will be there when I needed him, you know, in terms of that happiness?
00:01:24.400 Because I feel like one man cannot provide you with everything.
00:01:28.760 If you have a community of people, if you have lots of amazing relationships.
00:01:33.120 It's commitment.
00:01:33.820 Commitment is man.
00:01:34.620 I'm not saying, see, there are other needs that a man can fulfill for a woman.
00:01:42.100 Yes, they are there.
00:01:42.920 But happiness is not the grounding for, oh, I need to have a man because he's going to make me happy.
00:01:52.080 You have to make yourself happy.
00:01:53.740 You have to learn to love yourself, make yourself happy.
00:01:56.520 Yeah.
00:01:56.780 But there are other needs, obviously.
00:01:58.720 God made a man because you cannot fulfill that gap.
00:02:01.960 See, that's what I believe.
00:02:03.780 I believe you will need a man eventually.
00:02:05.480 I personally think my personal experience, after being in a marriage for 18 years, I always see men as like a security for me.
00:02:14.040 Coming from an Asian background, it's always just like he's my, he's my back.
00:02:20.040 Like, so other men can't approach me.
00:02:22.580 I feel safe.
00:02:23.720 I feel protected.
00:02:25.340 That's something I can say, yes, a man can provide for life.
00:02:29.320 And when I become single, I'm exposed to all these men because I'm single now.
00:02:33.560 So I've learned, I've learned for men to approach me and I've done so much self-work and growth.
00:02:39.120 If a man approaches me, I'm like, no, I'm not available.
00:02:42.140 I'm in a relationship.
00:02:43.320 It's you.
00:02:44.100 You need to work on your self-love and you need to, your self-control.
00:02:48.460 So if somebody comes to you and wants you, no, I'm in a relationship.
00:02:51.900 Absolutely.
00:02:52.640 You can say that.
00:02:53.620 But what I'm saying is once you're married, you just have that.
00:02:57.340 Okay, that's my protection there.
00:02:58.760 That's my security.
00:02:59.700 Maybe it's the way I've been raised as well.
00:03:02.140 Like, you know, so for me, that urge of, okay, having that protection or leaning on someone
00:03:07.060 when you're finding, like, as a single mom, challenges around kids and stuff, who can
00:03:11.820 I lean on or, you know, I just, you know, I wonder, cause like, then who, if you don't
00:03:17.860 get married, who takes care of you? 1.00
00:03:20.340 Your community.
00:03:20.980 You can take care of yourself.
00:03:22.940 We are mature people.
00:03:24.340 Why we are.
00:03:25.300 Well, no, but I'm saying at some point you're going to have health.
00:03:27.460 Everyone does.
00:03:28.420 But can I just say something?
00:03:30.080 Like, there's a difference between a woman choosing to be single, because I feel that
00:03:37.140 It's always a choice for women. 1.00
00:03:39.600 It is always a choice.
00:03:40.460 For men as well.
00:03:41.160 It's a choice for men as well.
00:03:42.320 No, it's not.
00:03:42.960 Not when one out of three men are sexless.
00:03:48.300 It's not a choice.
00:03:49.240 It's not when, like, there's a whole group of men that have no choice because no women 0.91
00:03:54.360 want them.
00:03:55.000 Most men didn't even reproduce historically. 0.91
00:03:56.720 Only 40% of men reproduced.
00:03:59.540 But how does that take away from the-
00:04:02.320 Because, because again, because women, what, all right, now in modern times, what starts 1.00
00:04:06.740 relationships?
00:04:08.200 Sex, right? 0.96
00:04:08.980 Women are in control of sex. 1.00
00:04:10.440 There's always someone willing to sleep with a woman. 1.00
00:04:13.000 There's always someone willing to date a woman. 0.85
00:04:15.340 That is true.
00:04:15.880 Always.
00:04:16.160 There's not always someone willing to date a man, right?
00:04:19.600 That may be true.
00:04:20.340 So, therefore, women always have choice. 1.00
00:04:22.260 Men do not. 0.98
00:04:23.000 Okay.
00:04:23.360 Let me tell you why that is true and also not true.
00:04:26.800 Okay.
00:04:27.180 Because in the beginning, yes, you're right.
00:04:29.220 A woman does have control of the sex part in terms of, like, introducing sex. 1.00
00:04:34.880 But once the sex relationship is established, the power dynamics completely change.
00:04:39.340 You're right.
00:04:39.780 You're right.
00:04:40.340 You're right.
00:04:40.960 But my point is, where does it start?
00:04:43.200 And you may be, some of you guys are a bit older.
00:04:45.660 But in modern times, in modern times, in most relationships, start with sex.
00:04:50.260 No.
00:04:50.760 If you, yes, they do.
00:04:51.900 I may, I'm not, maybe.
00:04:52.780 In Tinder, dating apps are the number one way people are meeting under the age of 30.
00:04:58.220 Yeah.
00:04:58.560 Come on, you know.
00:04:59.360 Because we can't speak from a personal experience because we have to speak.
00:05:03.800 Right.
00:05:04.500 Right.
00:05:04.620 We can't speak from a general experience.
00:05:05.800 Yeah.
00:05:06.160 Yeah.
00:05:06.340 So, I understand that.
00:05:07.500 But we can't ignore the fact that the power dynamics do change with men in terms of they
00:05:12.360 take leadership of where the relationship will go.
00:05:15.220 Most women actually wait on a man to be, to define the relationship, whether, where we 1.00
00:05:21.900 are, where are we, are we.
00:05:23.320 But women, but we pick the type of men we date. 1.00
00:05:25.380 Right.
00:05:25.620 So, you either pick a marriage-minded guy or you don't.
00:05:28.700 It's true.
00:05:29.240 That's true as well.
00:05:30.120 That's very true.
00:05:31.100 But what I'm saying in terms of like, wait until you're 60.
00:05:33.880 You could, for example, I was, I was in a relationship for 13 years, was married, but
00:05:39.040 I got married quite young.
00:05:40.920 Well, some would say I'm young, 24 years old.
00:05:43.580 And then in my late 20s, I was my first partner from the time I was 16 years old.
00:05:48.500 So, I start actually dating, dating at the age of 28.
00:05:51.940 Right.
00:05:52.160 And now I'm in my mid-30s.
00:05:53.700 Now, I've only been, let's say, single roughly around six years.
00:05:58.960 So, now I'm now looking for a relationship because I love love.
00:06:02.380 I want to be in a relationship.
00:06:03.720 I want to be married again.
00:06:05.100 I love companionship.
00:06:06.260 I believe in the idea.
00:06:07.120 I believe in the idea.
00:06:08.120 But I can find a partner and we may be married for like 20 years.
00:06:13.880 So, let's say 45, 55.
00:06:16.180 I'm not saying I'm not putting that into the atmosphere.
00:06:17.880 I hope that is for life.
00:06:19.240 But let's say we may be married for 20 years and anything can happen.
00:06:23.520 It might be a loss.
00:06:25.080 People lose, you know, I lost my close friend, my best friend in January and her partner now
00:06:29.380 is a widow, for example.
00:06:30.800 And he's only in his, they're both in the mid-30s.
00:06:33.200 So, anything can happen.
00:06:34.240 It could be life.
00:06:35.640 If we all, we're not the same people as we are 10 years ago, one of the reasons.
00:06:39.740 I don't think that matters, though.
00:06:41.520 I don't think it matters if you're the same people.
00:06:42.860 I think it matters because you know why?
00:06:43.960 Because I say, oh, 100% it matters.
00:06:45.900 I'm going to go to that point.
00:06:46.860 But what I'm trying to say is, so now you're 55, for whatever reason now, the separation,
00:06:52.420 you know, is done.
00:06:54.940 I don't think that you take away your experience that you've had for the past 20 years.
00:07:00.220 So, you've had a good 20 years of experience.
00:07:02.160 Just like many people, like our grandparents, a lot of them lose their partners.
00:07:06.020 But they still are, you know, yeah, they become lonely.
00:07:11.020 But sometimes it's not all about choices.
00:07:12.860 Sometimes things in life happen as humans.
00:07:15.300 We're human individually.
00:07:16.560 No, but I would say the majority of single women, it's a choice. 1.00
00:07:20.060 I mean, we could talk about being a widow.
00:07:22.120 That's an exception.
00:07:22.820 But the rule is it's a choice.
00:07:24.140 Women leave relationships. 1.00
00:07:25.280 Men don't. 0.98
00:07:25.560 Oh, I do.
00:07:26.260 There's context behind that.
00:07:27.640 No one leaves.
00:07:28.360 I think women... 1.00
00:07:28.840 Well, women will always make up a reason. 1.00
00:07:30.600 There's always some reason.
00:07:31.540 Like, grow apart.
00:07:32.640 Marriage isn't about growing apart.
00:07:34.040 It's not about liking your partner.
00:07:35.340 It's about duty.
00:07:36.520 A hundred percent.
00:07:37.360 So, when the duties...
00:07:38.600 Exactly.
00:07:38.980 So, both men...
00:07:39.900 So, I have a role in my marriage.
00:07:42.380 And the man has a role in his marriage.
00:07:44.060 So, what if the man is not fulfilling those marriages?
00:07:46.520 And remember... 0.92
00:07:47.100 Well, but then it's like, it's so hypocritical. 0.66
00:07:49.320 Because it's like, well, women are supposed to be virgins on their wedding night. 0.98
00:07:52.060 Most women are virgins on their wedding night. 1.00
00:07:53.720 So, we're not perfect either.
00:07:55.300 But yet, we expect perfection from our husbands.
00:07:57.440 No, there's no perfection.
00:07:58.660 No one's expecting perfection.
00:08:00.200 I literally just asked.
00:08:01.480 There are duties.
00:08:02.760 I'm not perfect either, is he.
00:08:04.420 No one's talking about perfections here.
00:08:06.400 We're talking about standard expectations within a marriage.
00:08:10.140 So, if that man, for example...
00:08:11.800 Because you said people change...
00:08:15.300 People...
00:08:15.640 I mean, the matter of changing doesn't exist.
00:08:18.800 For someone I got together...
00:08:19.760 No, I didn't say it doesn't exist.
00:08:20.180 I mean, it doesn't exist, but it doesn't...
00:08:21.440 I said...
00:08:22.040 I implied it was a silly reason for divorce.
00:08:24.640 And the reason why I say that...
00:08:26.220 For example, I met my partner at 16 years old, right, in college.
00:08:29.500 Yes.
00:08:29.680 Right?
00:08:30.360 When you meet someone at 16, we're both kids, what you're looking for a partner when you're
00:08:35.240 16, it's completely different when you become an adult, you know, who now knows, in a way,
00:08:41.840 what they want because they come into their own adulthood, you know, who they are as a person.
00:08:46.420 So, in that time, as we're growing up, when we became adults, we got to a point where we both knew, in a way,
00:08:54.180 because I think someone mentioned about compatibility, right?
00:08:57.440 There is more to marriage and relationships than love.
00:09:00.980 There's other things that constitutes marriage.
00:09:03.120 We both didn't understand what constituted marriage, maybe because of our age at the time.
00:09:07.780 We didn't have...
00:09:08.540 We weren't equipped with the right mindset when we got into the situation because it's not just,
00:09:12.880 oh, I love you, let's get married.
00:09:14.220 So, what does that mean, though?
00:09:15.560 I need a specific example.
00:09:16.480 So, what I'm saying to you is, if two people that are not compatible end up in the marriage,
00:09:22.180 there are things that are going to happen eventually that's going to bring up issues,
00:09:25.620 either resentment towards each other because one person is expecting that person to mirror
00:09:29.380 the other person, and that goes vice versa between male and women. 0.98
00:09:32.080 Can I have a specific example of what this means?
00:09:35.060 Because this is very broad, so I need to...
00:09:37.360 Okay.
00:09:37.520 So, for example, you're in a relationship, and let's say you start earning,
00:09:43.980 more than your partner, because we're growing slightly more than your partner.
00:09:48.060 You both grow halves on each other, but for some reason, that man feels less than a man
00:09:54.800 because he's earning less than you.
00:09:57.240 Now, this is nothing really that I can actually do because that's an individual thing for a person to do.
00:10:03.780 Well, I would ask why he feels that way.
00:10:05.480 Because a lot of times what women do is they throw it in the guy's face, 1.00
00:10:08.400 and they constantly bring it in.
00:10:09.540 No, no, no, no.
00:10:09.620 A lot of women do. 1.00
00:10:10.680 A lot of women do. 1.00
00:10:11.440 A lot of women do, but it might... 1.00
00:10:12.480 I'm not talking about you, though.
00:10:14.260 It's wrong, and it's unfair, and I think...
00:10:17.080 Yeah, but I'm not talking about...
00:10:18.740 A lot of women do, but I think sometimes as well, we have to be very balanced in terms of... 1.00
00:10:24.080 Sometimes we push this narrative that women, there's 100% toxic women that you're speaking of, 1.00
00:10:29.720 but we're not talking in this context.
00:10:31.460 So there are sometimes that men within themselves feel that they haven't found themselves,
00:10:36.600 which is, in a way, in our 20s, we're still finding ourselves.
00:10:39.300 I mean, they may feel inferior because they might be earning less.
00:10:42.620 I've never heard a guy talk about finding himself.
00:10:45.180 That's like a...
00:10:46.080 Oh, I've heard guys talk about maturing, but I've...
00:10:51.360 But that's maturing, it's development.
00:10:53.940 It's finding, part of development, it's finding yourself.
00:10:56.460 Typically, when men talk about finding themselves, it's because they've heard it a lot from women,
00:11:00.060 and they know that that is a language that works with women. 1.00
00:11:02.460 So most of the time, they're just lying to you because they want to get something from you.
00:11:05.780 Can I interject?
00:11:06.640 That's a language.
00:11:07.200 Can I interject?
00:11:08.280 When you're talking about they've heard it from women, sometimes it's not.
00:11:11.140 It could be various circumstances that come about that a man has to find himself.
00:11:16.520 It could be, yes, he's come out of a relationship.
00:11:18.280 It could be he's trying to find the right career path to go down.
00:11:21.080 It could be, it could be, it could be a religious, from a religious perspective,
00:11:25.360 he needs to look within himself to, to, you know, become this greater being.
00:11:28.740 It's not just, and we're putting a lot of things, oh, it's the woman, it's the woman. 0.99
00:11:31.960 A lot of women throw something in the mouth, it's not that. 1.00
00:11:33.560 So the reason we say it's the woman, because the data indicates that it is.
00:11:37.240 But that's the data.
00:11:38.480 The data has no context.
00:11:39.460 So the data, the data talks about who files for a divorce.
00:11:42.940 You can just look it up.
00:11:43.780 But there's no context.
00:11:44.900 There's no context to that.
00:11:46.720 What do you mean there's no context?
00:11:47.960 For example, what I'm saying to you is, you said statistics, statistics might be fact,
00:11:52.040 in the Western world, because that's what the stick, but I don't know.
00:11:54.240 Yeah, UK and US.
00:11:55.460 The UK and US.
00:11:56.840 Okay.
00:11:57.980 But there is no context as to the reasons why, because I'll tell you something, why I'm saying
00:12:03.100 this.
00:12:03.400 A woman will stick more in a relationship, a toxic relationship, an abusive relationship, 1.00
00:12:09.140 for many, many, many, many, many, many more years than a man would.
00:12:13.780 Women pick toxic relationships. 1.00
00:12:15.780 So do men.
00:12:16.160 They pick it.
00:12:16.940 Yes, they do.
00:12:17.540 Yes, they do.
00:12:18.440 So do men.
00:12:19.160 How do you get into a relationship with someone if you don't pick them?
00:12:22.960 Because people change.
00:12:24.380 People change.
00:12:25.160 This is an excuse I hear women use. 1.00
00:12:27.600 It's not an excuse.
00:12:27.820 Can I say something?
00:12:28.920 Hold on.
00:12:29.420 Can I finish my point?
00:12:31.020 No, no, no, because it's not your show.
00:12:32.020 This is an excuse that women use, this is an excuse that women use to justify picking 1.00
00:12:39.020 poorly.
00:12:39.900 So tell me about it.
00:12:40.600 90% of the time when women are in toxic relationships, it's because they didn't get their father's 1.00
00:12:45.240 advice, their brother's advice, or their friend's advice.
00:12:48.140 Half the time, everybody is warning them, telling them not to date them, and they do anything.
00:12:52.900 Are you the same person you was 10 years ago?
00:12:54.880 Am I the same person?
00:12:57.000 I would say I have very similar traits than I did 10 years ago.
00:13:00.340 And I just think, I don't think, I don't think, I don't think this stuff matters.
00:13:09.580 Like, I just think, because nobody, when you take vows, it's for better or for worse
00:13:13.480 and sickness and health, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not for when, for when we grow
00:13:17.360 apart, no.
00:13:18.360 Can I say something, a man, I'm not a man, obviously, but I think a man will leave if
00:13:24.220 he's not, if he's not 100% there and he doesn't want to be with you, he will leave.
00:13:28.780 He will cheat, he will disrespect you, he will not call you, he will not return those
00:13:32.440 messages, he's left, he's not interested.
00:13:35.120 You're holding on to something, you're almost like begging to be with somebody, you're trying
00:13:39.700 to make this work.
00:13:40.620 A woman will do that, but a man has already left. 1.00
00:13:43.520 But the men don't leave the majority of the time.
00:13:46.260 No, they will stay, but they're cheating, when they're cheating, when they're speaking
00:13:50.200 to somebody else, I want to add another dynamic.
00:13:52.520 But again, it's only, it's only a small percentage of men that can cheat.
00:13:56.380 It's a very small percentage of men that actually can cheat.
00:13:59.040 Can I add dynamic to this?
00:14:01.040 I want to know where these facts are coming from, to be honest.
00:14:06.040 It also takes courage, and good that you're saying that a lot of women are the one who
00:14:12.040 leaves.
00:14:13.040 It takes courage to leave a relationship.
00:14:16.040 No, I disagree.
00:14:17.040 It does.
00:14:18.040 It does.
00:14:19.040 Especially in a society that sees.
00:14:21.040 Do you know why?
00:14:22.040 It takes courage to do the easy thing.
00:14:24.040 What's the easy thing?
00:14:25.040 To leave?
00:14:26.040 The easy thing is to leave.
00:14:27.040 Why?
00:14:28.040 Why is that easy?
00:14:29.040 It's hard.
00:14:30.040 No, explain.
00:14:31.040 Why is it easy?
00:14:32.040 It's not easy.
00:14:33.040 It is easy to quit things.
00:14:34.040 It's hard.
00:14:35.040 Have you ever been married?
00:14:36.040 It's hard to stick it out.
00:14:37.040 Have you been married?
00:14:38.040 Oh my God.
00:14:39.040 It's hard.
00:14:40.040 It's hard.
00:14:41.040 No, no, no, no.
00:14:42.040 Let her answer the question.