Why Modern Women Are Single And Lonely
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
198.13371
Summary
In this episode, we talk about the importance of a man in your life and how a man can make you happy. We also talk about why a woman should choose to be single and why a man should stay single.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
Go ahead. I actually think that most women don't really know what happy is.
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But I actually read a statistic that showed that women are the happiest when they're given a blowjob.
00:00:24.540
Predominantly, I think we have middle-aged women here, all maybe married, divorced.
00:00:30.620
We're in that situation where I think most of us are divorced at the moment.
00:00:35.500
And I think we're kidding ourselves when we're saying we're going to be happy without a man and that we don't need to get married.
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Because when they're single, they're still looking.
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And, you know, you're like, you said you were 43 and you're happy and you're single and you're in the world because you're beautiful.
00:01:10.020
But you will age, you will get older, comes health and, you know, you will need a partner.
00:01:15.940
But who guaranteed it that partner will be there when I needed him, you know, in terms of that happiness?
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Because I feel like one man cannot provide you with everything.
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If you have a community of people, if you have lots of amazing relationships.
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I'm not saying, see, there are other needs that a man can fulfill for a woman.
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But happiness is not the grounding for, oh, I need to have a man because he's going to make me happy.
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You have to learn to love yourself, make yourself happy.
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God made a man because you cannot fulfill that gap.
00:02:05.480
I personally think my personal experience, after being in a marriage for 18 years, I always see men as like a security for me.
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Coming from an Asian background, it's always just like he's my, he's my back.
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That's something I can say, yes, a man can provide for life.
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And when I become single, I'm exposed to all these men because I'm single now.
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So I've learned, I've learned for men to approach me and I've done so much self-work and growth.
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If a man approaches me, I'm like, no, I'm not available.
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You need to work on your self-love and you need to, your self-control.
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So if somebody comes to you and wants you, no, I'm in a relationship.
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But what I'm saying is once you're married, you just have that.
00:03:02.140
Like, you know, so for me, that urge of, okay, having that protection or leaning on someone
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when you're finding, like, as a single mom, challenges around kids and stuff, who can
00:03:11.820
I lean on or, you know, I just, you know, I wonder, cause like, then who, if you don't
00:03:25.300
Well, no, but I'm saying at some point you're going to have health.
00:03:30.080
Like, there's a difference between a woman choosing to be single, because I feel that
00:03:49.240
It's not when, like, there's a whole group of men that have no choice because no women
00:04:02.320
Because, because again, because women, what, all right, now in modern times, what starts
00:04:10.440
There's always someone willing to sleep with a woman.
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There's always someone willing to date a woman.
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There's not always someone willing to date a man, right?
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Let me tell you why that is true and also not true.
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A woman does have control of the sex part in terms of, like, introducing sex.
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But once the sex relationship is established, the power dynamics completely change.
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And you may be, some of you guys are a bit older.
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But in modern times, in modern times, in most relationships, start with sex.
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In Tinder, dating apps are the number one way people are meeting under the age of 30.
00:04:59.360
Because we can't speak from a personal experience because we have to speak.
00:05:07.500
But we can't ignore the fact that the power dynamics do change with men in terms of they
00:05:12.360
take leadership of where the relationship will go.
00:05:15.220
Most women actually wait on a man to be, to define the relationship, whether, where we
00:05:23.320
But women, but we pick the type of men we date.
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So, you either pick a marriage-minded guy or you don't.
00:05:31.100
But what I'm saying in terms of like, wait until you're 60.
00:05:33.880
You could, for example, I was, I was in a relationship for 13 years, was married, but
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And then in my late 20s, I was my first partner from the time I was 16 years old.
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So, I start actually dating, dating at the age of 28.
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Now, I've only been, let's say, single roughly around six years.
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So, now I'm now looking for a relationship because I love love.
00:06:08.120
But I can find a partner and we may be married for like 20 years.
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I'm not saying I'm not putting that into the atmosphere.
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But let's say we may be married for 20 years and anything can happen.
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People lose, you know, I lost my close friend, my best friend in January and her partner now
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And he's only in his, they're both in the mid-30s.
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If we all, we're not the same people as we are 10 years ago, one of the reasons.
00:06:41.520
I don't think it matters if you're the same people.
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But what I'm trying to say is, so now you're 55, for whatever reason now, the separation,
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I don't think that you take away your experience that you've had for the past 20 years.
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Just like many people, like our grandparents, a lot of them lose their partners.
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But they still are, you know, yeah, they become lonely.
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No, but I would say the majority of single women, it's a choice.
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So, what if the man is not fulfilling those marriages?
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Well, but then it's like, it's so hypocritical.
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Because it's like, well, women are supposed to be virgins on their wedding night.
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But yet, we expect perfection from our husbands.
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We're talking about standard expectations within a marriage.
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For example, I met my partner at 16 years old, right, in college.
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When you meet someone at 16, we're both kids, what you're looking for a partner when you're
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16, it's completely different when you become an adult, you know, who now knows, in a way,
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what they want because they come into their own adulthood, you know, who they are as a person.
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So, in that time, as we're growing up, when we became adults, we got to a point where we both knew, in a way,
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because I think someone mentioned about compatibility, right?
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There is more to marriage and relationships than love.
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There's other things that constitutes marriage.
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We both didn't understand what constituted marriage, maybe because of our age at the time.
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We weren't equipped with the right mindset when we got into the situation because it's not just,
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So, what I'm saying to you is, if two people that are not compatible end up in the marriage,
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there are things that are going to happen eventually that's going to bring up issues,
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either resentment towards each other because one person is expecting that person to mirror
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the other person, and that goes vice versa between male and women.
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Can I have a specific example of what this means?
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So, for example, you're in a relationship, and let's say you start earning,
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more than your partner, because we're growing slightly more than your partner.
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You both grow halves on each other, but for some reason, that man feels less than a man
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Now, this is nothing really that I can actually do because that's an individual thing for a person to do.
00:10:05.480
Because a lot of times what women do is they throw it in the guy's face,
00:10:18.740
A lot of women do, but I think sometimes as well, we have to be very balanced in terms of...
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Sometimes we push this narrative that women, there's 100% toxic women that you're speaking of,
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So there are sometimes that men within themselves feel that they haven't found themselves,
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which is, in a way, in our 20s, we're still finding ourselves.
00:10:39.300
I mean, they may feel inferior because they might be earning less.
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I've never heard a guy talk about finding himself.
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Oh, I've heard guys talk about maturing, but I've...
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It's finding, part of development, it's finding yourself.
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Typically, when men talk about finding themselves, it's because they've heard it a lot from women,
00:11:00.060
and they know that that is a language that works with women.
00:11:02.460
So most of the time, they're just lying to you because they want to get something from you.
00:11:08.280
When you're talking about they've heard it from women, sometimes it's not.
00:11:11.140
It could be various circumstances that come about that a man has to find himself.
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It could be, yes, he's come out of a relationship.
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It could be he's trying to find the right career path to go down.
00:11:21.080
It could be, it could be, it could be a religious, from a religious perspective,
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he needs to look within himself to, to, you know, become this greater being.
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It's not just, and we're putting a lot of things, oh, it's the woman, it's the woman.
00:11:31.960
A lot of women throw something in the mouth, it's not that.
00:11:33.560
So the reason we say it's the woman, because the data indicates that it is.
00:11:39.460
So the data, the data talks about who files for a divorce.
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For example, what I'm saying to you is, you said statistics, statistics might be fact,
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in the Western world, because that's what the stick, but I don't know.
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But there is no context as to the reasons why, because I'll tell you something, why I'm saying
00:12:03.400
A woman will stick more in a relationship, a toxic relationship, an abusive relationship,
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for many, many, many, many, many, many more years than a man would.
00:12:19.160
How do you get into a relationship with someone if you don't pick them?
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This is an excuse that women use, this is an excuse that women use to justify picking
00:12:40.600
90% of the time when women are in toxic relationships, it's because they didn't get their father's
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advice, their brother's advice, or their friend's advice.
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Half the time, everybody is warning them, telling them not to date them, and they do anything.
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I would say I have very similar traits than I did 10 years ago.
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And I just think, I don't think, I don't think, I don't think this stuff matters.
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Like, I just think, because nobody, when you take vows, it's for better or for worse
00:13:13.480
and sickness and health, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not for when, for when we grow
00:13:18.360
Can I say something, a man, I'm not a man, obviously, but I think a man will leave if
00:13:24.220
he's not, if he's not 100% there and he doesn't want to be with you, he will leave.
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He will cheat, he will disrespect you, he will not call you, he will not return those
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You're holding on to something, you're almost like begging to be with somebody, you're trying
00:13:40.620
A woman will do that, but a man has already left.
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But the men don't leave the majority of the time.
00:13:46.260
No, they will stay, but they're cheating, when they're cheating, when they're speaking
00:13:50.200
to somebody else, I want to add another dynamic.
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But again, it's only, it's only a small percentage of men that can cheat.
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It's a very small percentage of men that actually can cheat.
00:14:01.040
I want to know where these facts are coming from, to be honest.
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It also takes courage, and good that you're saying that a lot of women are the one who