Why Most Women Don't Share Experience On Rape
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
230.03609
Summary
In this episode, we talk about rape, consent and how we teach our children about sexual assault and consent. We also talk about our own experiences with sexual assault, and the impact of sexual assault in our childhoods.
Transcript
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can i ask a question i know we did the question do we know anyone that's been accused of
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do we can we do the same thing do we know or know someone that was graped yeah go ahead
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yeah i just wanted to know in the room yeah yeah i have a question did you did you automatically
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believe them yeah yes yeah i did but i i think that's part of the did they go to court yeah
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they were too young to go to court you know i think well great can happen at any time in your
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life right so i think i actually do think that's like how i i agree with you like i think when
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they're younger they usually don't yeah and i think sometimes you're actually so young or it
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kind of turns into a different type of um category of great but i think you're too young to even
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understand what is actually even happening you know make that decision and agree but then i do
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sometimes i think when you hear things as you grow up and you people don't come out of things
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for 30 years and sometimes people have even passed and whatever by the time you know about something
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it's like with the people around them when you said why was it not spoken about because i mean
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i can't sit here i've never gone through something like that but there was a time when i think i was
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about 11 years old um my mum used to like she loves taking us to pantomimes it's really cool
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so used to go to pantomimes like every christmas and one year we went to pantomime we went to nando's
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after it was like me my sister her partner's brother and stuff and my brother and then i just took
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like me my brother-in-law and my brother down like to the toilet i made sure they like i didn't go in
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the toilet but i made sure they locked themselves together in the toilet and then i went to the toilet
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and the guy that was in the toilet when i watched them go in followed me out followed me into the
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women's toilets and as god is my witness i'm a god-fearing woman there was 12 girls in there
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getting ready to go on a night out doing their makeup and i said thank the lord i froze i didn't
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know what i was gonna do but i knew i'd do something in the end but like in that moment i do understand
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sometimes why women don't come out of it straight away because i could never imagine what would have
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happened if them 12 girls went in the toilet but again at that age the first thing i did was go to my
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mom yeah that was gonna be my question because if they're younger like why didn't they go to their
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parents yeah because i went straight to my mom my mom was ready you know i'm gonna say that on this
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but like you know my mom was ready to rock someone bro do you know what i mean like she was like what's
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going like she even went to the girls and asked did you see that and they said we saw because they
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asked me are you okay and i said i'm fine and then i just didn't even bother go toilet i just grabbed
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my brother and stuff and ran upstairs to my mom and so i think the question is about consent like what
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like as a mom and i've got two daughters like how do i teach them about the consent like what where
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the line is you know because when i grew up there wasn't like this wasn't a thing really it wasn't
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talked about the consent thing wasn't talked about so like how far do you go with a guy when it's you're
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like and then you can't go and you're like there's no way of stopping and then you regret it but is
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that that or like i think if you regret isn't you can't say it's not consent just because you regret it
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no no that's no exactly but and i'm that's like i think a lot of times the girls confuse like a guy
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will be pushy but they'll they'll confuse that with great but like i don't think so that's where
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is the consent like how do we teach children to like no no yeah no no stop it's i think it's really
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clear yeah i think we're now trying to make it really confusing yeah and we're over complicating the
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issue no stop no i don't feel like it done that should be it that's just i think that takes for
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a woman if you're like rolling around with a guy in bed like coming up with that no why are you in
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that situation like that's what i'm saying about what situation like what how far do you have to go
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well i just like why are you bringing a guy to your apartment late at night if you don't want to sleep
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with him okay i just like that's not you know the choice to go you have a choice to do it but is that
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smart no i'm not saying that it is smart but it yeah and then you get to that position and it's
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harder to say no at that position so but as a parent i think from what i've taken from my parents i think
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what always gave me confidence in my decision was having that wisdom from them and i think in nowadays
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i think because of the way the world is parents are so afraid of letting their children know and then
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what happens is the world then makes your kids in terms of it's the world that's now teaching them
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so one thing i think i would say is with your daughters is give them that wisdom i think when
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i used to go on guide trips to like you know campsites and stuff mum would be like stay with the group
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if someone touches you it is wrong tell someone so when you've got someone enforcing that my mum was
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afraid to open me and my siblings up to things that we can encounter and i think it's you judging what
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age you feel comfortable doing that with i'm trying to judge before that happens so that they have that
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confidence and they go back to that time when mommy told me this or daddy told me that now it's like
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just reinforcing it it's not like it comes in at like 14 you have the conversation it's like empowering
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them from the get from the get-go i agree that they have that choice about any decision i always i always
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wonder about this because i i had a little different background i went to catholic school so we had no sex ed
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none of that you know yeah and i never even really had like a sex talk really with my parents but i
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just i don't know i just knew you could tell people no i don't know was that confusing to people but
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would you say religion gives you a form of discipline to understand what's right from wrong yeah no i i
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agree i do think because i was i was pretty religious when i was younger so i i i do think that deterred
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some of that stuff but i think that encouraged you and you've got that confidence in i think having
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something to believe in or that you know definitely gives you that confidence to in other situations
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move them skills over and make them transferable would you ever tell your daughters to wait till
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they were married no no no you don't think that would result in like better outcomes for them
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because you know because a lot of these situations are just from you know dating right but if you're
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married then but if you've empowered them and they're strong individuals who can make their own
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decisions they don't have to wait till marriage i think it's a bit of a i mean you don't want to
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get married and then find out that there's no sexual combat compatibility for them but how would
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you know if you never had sex with anyone else how would you know you know like yeah i think i
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wouldn't tell my kids to do something i've not done yeah i mean because i i don't know that experience
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so i can't advise them on something that i don't know the outcome of that would make me feel uneasy
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i can only advise them on what i know or what someone else has told me to say do you think
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it's better for girls to sleep with multiple men or less men less men so then so then why wouldn't
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you encourage them to wait that's not celibacy though sleeping with less men like being sensible
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about your sexual partners and being completely celibate until marriage are two different things
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it's the best outcomes for women it doesn't work though it's proven time and time again that
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celibacy doesn't work no that's that's not right if um if you're a virgin on your wedding night you
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have an 80 chance of a happy marriage it drops down to 20 if you have more than five partners
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now some people don't like that study so there's ones that are it's like a 10 to 15 difference but
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the trend is still the same when you're a virgin on your wedding night you have the best outcomes
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but when i say it doesn't work i don't mean it in terms of outcomes of your marriage i mean kids
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don't stick to it kids are gonna have sex oh yeah i mean when you're putting them i mean most people
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here were on birth control from like 16 to 18 years old so when you're enabling them to make bad
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decisions of course they're going to make more of them but if you give the if you don't give them
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birth control they're still going to have sex i disagree i went to catholic school we had no team
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pregnancies and we had no sex ed none of that stuff we had none i had like 200 people and i know i know
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some people like the catholic schools are different out here i don't know yeah and again i think social
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media i think it's become such a strong influence i think things that you back in the day i'd say that you
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wanted to hold back from the from your kids you could because you knew it was going to be at a
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later stage that they would be exposed to this where now social media is such a strong current
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it's so strong i would want my kids to be a lot more aware a lot sooner than maybe i was even aware
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of things because i you know my sisters weren't on social media like that like do you know what i mean
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so it's like now you know my niece my nieces they play on tablets they do all these things look at
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king kardashian she nearly had a heart attack on the series because her children nearly saw a leak
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of her you know thing tape that was like she was freaking out you know so you know this whole