JustPearlyThings - March 23, 2023


Why Weak Men are Dangerous


Episode Stats

Length

12 minutes

Words per Minute

203.13142

Word Count

2,638

Sentence Count

234

Misogynist Sentences

9

Hate Speech Sentences

12


Summary

In this episode, I sit down with my good friend, Auntie Jenny, to talk about her experience growing up in a broken family and how she dealt with the trauma of growing up with an emotionally unavailable father. We talk about how she was able to grow up with a loving and supportive father and how it shaped her into the woman she is today.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I just feel like me, personally, I've been disadvantaged a bit growing up
00:00:03.820 because I've never really felt like I have been protected by a man.
00:00:07.680 Again, I'm not trying to...
00:00:09.040 Do you not have a father for you?
00:00:11.860 I do, but he's just very distant.
00:00:15.820 I've never really had...
00:00:17.940 Did he not grow up with you separate?
00:00:20.380 So I lived with him in a spit family from probably about 10 years old,
00:00:26.780 but he came from Sierra Leone and he didn't speak very well English.
00:00:32.200 You don't know much about the Western culture and whatnot.
00:00:34.660 He was just very, again, emotionally distant.
00:00:37.120 He was a bit strict, but he never really taught me core values
00:00:40.800 or what to see in a man.
00:00:42.160 He was a little bit abusive as well, which is, I think, one of the reasons why...
00:00:46.020 I wouldn't say I seek abusive men, but originally,
00:00:50.140 now I've started looking into it, I spot the signs,
00:00:52.620 but originally, I'd be around either emotionally unavailable men
00:00:58.320 or men that are abusive.
00:01:02.140 So I feel like I had a bit of disadvantage at that point.
00:01:04.800 Like you were saying earlier, like with the whole, when you grow up,
00:01:09.160 being brought up to be a housewife, I'd never really got that.
00:01:12.700 So I feel like I've been disadvantaged in that sense,
00:01:15.660 but it's something that I'm currently working on
00:01:18.440 and something that, like, obviously I'm currently healing myself
00:01:21.020 before I get into another relationship
00:01:22.320 because I don't want to hurt myself again
00:01:24.660 with a man that I feel does not deserve me.
00:01:29.180 But again, I just feel, like I said earlier,
00:01:31.880 a bit disadvantaged in that sense,
00:01:33.740 but it's something that I need to...
00:01:35.720 And you said you were...
00:01:36.920 And you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to,
00:01:39.280 so feel free to not answer any of this,
00:01:41.220 but you said you were 17.
00:01:44.380 How did you meet him?
00:01:45.980 Through work.
00:01:46.960 Through work.
00:01:47.820 And did he know you before that?
00:01:50.500 Yeah.
00:01:51.480 From what age?
00:01:53.120 Like 15.
00:01:54.220 Oh, wow.
00:01:55.420 Yeah.
00:01:56.480 Was he, like, a boss or something?
00:01:58.240 No, he just worked at my work.
00:02:01.560 MTR, you understand?
00:02:02.480 Yeah, this is the type of conversation that I typically...
00:02:06.060 I think it's very important for the women
00:02:08.180 to talk to the women regarding this conversation.
00:02:11.000 I kind of feel like out of place and out of turn
00:02:12.900 in order to enter information.
00:02:14.300 But let me give you, from my perspective,
00:02:15.580 something that I tell the men on my channel
00:02:17.140 is that when you're vetting a young woman,
00:02:21.460 one of the first places that you should look at
00:02:23.440 is the relationship between her father.
00:02:25.740 And you mentioned that you said that your father was abusive.
00:02:29.420 And one thing that we actually learned
00:02:31.440 in the conversation earlier today
00:02:33.340 is like, like attracts like.
00:02:35.080 And if your father was abusive,
00:02:37.520 you are more likely to attract abuse going into the future.
00:02:43.080 And I think that it ranged true even within this conversation.
00:02:46.360 I think there was a lot of points that were made
00:02:49.640 on both sides of the coin
00:02:51.480 from both Melanie and Auntie Jenny
00:02:53.320 that I think you should replay this video back.
00:02:56.600 At the end of the day,
00:02:58.820 you have to be responsible for you.
00:03:01.780 And what you don't want to do
00:03:03.880 is be a victim into your singleness.
00:03:06.160 Yeah.
00:03:07.260 Into your lonely forever.
00:03:09.060 And can I say this?
00:03:10.360 You know, it's a failure of us as older women
00:03:12.880 that we should be, you know,
00:03:17.500 being able to mentor young women
00:03:19.720 who have gone through these things
00:03:21.100 and being able to be a voice.
00:03:22.500 So many older women are competing.
00:03:25.000 They're taking the same thirst trapping photos
00:03:27.360 and still doing the most,
00:03:28.860 only care about themselves.
00:03:30.220 They don't care about their children.
00:03:31.940 They're looking for what's best for them.
00:03:34.340 But I think I'm 41.
00:03:35.820 You're 21.
00:03:36.480 We're 20 years apart.
00:03:37.660 Yeah.
00:03:38.120 And I was blessed where my,
00:03:40.060 like my sister and cousin flew out with me,
00:03:42.900 like on a dime because our father,
00:03:45.360 you know, our families raised us where they have money.
00:03:47.560 We were able to do what we want.
00:03:49.780 We're black Americans,
00:03:51.000 which is very rare.
00:03:52.780 Like I was like, hey, I got to go for business.
00:03:54.460 Y'all want to go?
00:03:55.140 Hey girl, let's go.
00:03:56.420 Like my sister bought a travel agency
00:03:57.960 just so we could travel and like get discounts.
00:04:00.600 Like, like we're in those positions.
00:04:01.920 And I say, my sister is one of the people
00:04:04.180 who's mentored me, like, like just talking to her,
00:04:06.960 but my family in general.
00:04:08.520 And I think, you know, if you want to hit me up
00:04:11.100 and this is how I was raised
00:04:13.300 because my parents did a lot of church ministry and things.
00:04:15.860 But if you want to hit up
00:04:16.760 and you want to talk to an older woman
00:04:19.720 who's not likely, I'm not your mother,
00:04:22.040 I'm not going to, you know,
00:04:23.040 but if you want to, you know, you know,
00:04:25.680 just, you know, like, hey, can I,
00:04:29.400 I don't know certain things.
00:04:31.320 And I think that we as older women
00:04:33.400 have failed this generation of women,
00:04:36.140 the younger women.
00:04:37.460 And, and we take,
00:04:39.560 I take accountability for that.
00:04:41.720 Not, you know, me specifically that I've done it,
00:04:44.060 but in general, and even your mother allowing you
00:04:47.020 to be raised by a man who victimized you
00:04:49.240 and did not raise you, you know,
00:04:51.820 in the way that you should go,
00:04:53.540 but you can change that
00:04:54.980 and you can have a great outcome.
00:04:56.660 Don't let this define you.
00:04:58.220 Let it be just a lesson to make greater,
00:05:01.060 you know, I would say pain always leaves a gift.
00:05:04.060 I know, I agree.
00:05:05.940 Auntie's been holding up her hand.
00:05:07.480 I'm trying to be good.
00:05:08.520 This because you're here, right?
00:05:10.060 This because you're here.
00:05:11.380 That's why I'm holding up my hand.
00:05:12.740 You can go off, Auntie.
00:05:13.960 I'm on my best.
00:05:14.960 No, um, um, Melanie,
00:05:18.260 um, as older woman,
00:05:20.880 and I'm older than you,
00:05:23.100 the young people don't want to listen.
00:05:26.940 We're old school.
00:05:28.160 I agree.
00:05:28.460 So I'm sorry about, I don't take that.
00:05:30.620 I understand what you're saying.
00:05:31.700 And from your point of view, I agree.
00:05:33.240 I'm tired of talking to young people
00:05:34.760 because they don't want to listen.
00:05:36.000 So I'm not going to nice it up.
00:05:37.960 Pearl knows.
00:05:38.920 If Pearl wants advice
00:05:39.900 and she can't get hold of her mother,
00:05:41.460 Pearl will phone me.
00:05:42.460 I ain't going to nice it up for Pearl.
00:05:43.620 I will tell her straight.
00:05:45.000 That's true, Pearl.
00:05:46.260 I will tell her two o'clock in the morning.
00:05:48.160 I'm going to tell her like it is.
00:05:49.860 I don't give a damn how she takes it.
00:05:51.920 You ask me a question.
00:05:53.160 I'm going to give you an answer.
00:05:54.860 I don't want to go around
00:05:55.920 and I've been talking to young people.
00:05:57.700 I've been Auntie Jenny now for 37 years.
00:06:01.940 I've been Auntie Jenny.
00:06:03.120 Auntie Jenny is not a new thing.
00:06:05.260 I've got the young people now come and telling me,
00:06:07.700 oh, you know what you told them on your podcast?
00:06:09.800 You told me that when I was young.
00:06:11.260 Yeah, I did.
00:06:12.060 And you know what?
00:06:12.500 I've got to the point now where, cut the crap.
00:06:14.920 You're going out there, you're adults.
00:06:17.180 Things have changed now.
00:06:18.460 Things have moved on so much.
00:06:19.840 You're on Instagram.
00:06:20.800 You're on TikTok.
00:06:21.720 You're on this.
00:06:22.420 You're on that.
00:06:23.120 You've got your own job.
00:06:23.880 You're making your money.
00:06:24.840 And I'm supposed to feel so free
00:06:25.820 because you've had a bad life.
00:06:27.160 I've had a bad life.
00:06:28.740 You know, if it was a man,
00:06:30.180 they would say, man up.
00:06:31.780 Now, woman up.
00:06:33.500 I don't give a toss about what you're going through
00:06:35.920 because you know that you're in the UK now.
00:06:38.760 There's free therapy.
00:06:39.820 I've had it.
00:06:41.120 The first one didn't work.
00:06:42.280 I had a second one.
00:06:42.900 I had a third one.
00:06:43.520 I tried all different kinds until it worked.
00:06:45.580 So that's why I've got to the point where I am,
00:06:47.180 where I don't want to hear no excuses for the UK
00:06:50.100 because in the UK, they lay down.
00:06:52.500 They will lie down backwards to help you.
00:06:55.960 You want therapy?
00:06:57.160 It's there.
00:06:57.660 Whatever kind you want, it's there.
00:06:59.360 You're ill, it's there.
00:07:00.400 Everything is free in the UK.
00:07:02.580 Education, everything is free.
00:07:04.580 So I can understand what you're saying
00:07:06.120 from an American point of view,
00:07:07.680 but from England, I'm taking no excuses.
00:07:10.380 I'm tired of talking to young people
00:07:11.780 because they will look at me and they will say,
00:07:13.340 ah, this is what I've been told.
00:07:15.160 It's changed now.
00:07:16.300 You're old school.
00:07:17.260 Things are different.
00:07:17.960 But you know what?
00:07:18.800 You think things are different,
00:07:19.960 but deep inside, the body, the foundation of life
00:07:24.000 is still there.
00:07:25.220 It's been going on and on and on.
00:07:26.780 So I'm tired of talking to young people
00:07:29.260 in a way that, oh yeah, let me be nice.
00:07:32.100 Let me soothe it for you.
00:07:33.900 No, if it was a man,
00:07:35.380 if a man comes to you and they say,
00:07:36.820 oh, I'm feeling a bit depressed,
00:07:38.200 you say, come on.
00:07:39.820 Man up.
00:07:40.560 Man up.
00:07:41.320 So I've got to the point where
00:07:42.500 if it's good enough for the goose,
00:07:43.880 it's good enough for the gander.
00:07:45.180 I've taken no prisoners, no excuses.
00:07:47.360 If a man can man up, a woman can man up.
00:07:49.980 It's there for you.
00:07:51.220 So I ain't got no excuses.
00:07:52.280 You know what?
00:07:52.720 Because I'm the exception.
00:07:54.220 There's nothing that she ain't been through
00:07:55.360 that I ain't been through 10 times worse.
00:07:57.380 She was lucky.
00:07:58.620 She come out of it without a child.
00:08:00.180 I come out of it 17 years old with a child.
00:08:02.960 And you know what?
00:08:03.660 One child I've still got, 37 years old.
00:08:06.120 And you know what?
00:08:07.300 Everybody looked down at me.
00:08:08.340 I didn't take no excuses.
00:08:10.080 I was in a abusive relationship when I had my son.
00:08:12.800 I got out of it less than a year.
00:08:14.420 I got out of it with a child.
00:08:16.080 I was on contraception because I'm an exception to every rule.
00:08:18.680 So if I can do it, I'm putting up a note.
00:08:20.680 You asked me for advice.
00:08:21.600 I'm going to give it to you.
00:08:22.580 If you don't like it, piss off.
00:08:24.360 No, and I...
00:08:25.260 That's my view.
00:08:25.880 Your frustration right now is because of the rebellion.
00:08:27.580 I'm not frustrated.
00:08:28.540 No, it's the rebellion.
00:08:30.160 I'm just annoyed at the fact that we're going over the same things
00:08:32.920 over and over and over and over and over again,
00:08:35.300 trying to make it nice for the young modern women.
00:08:38.600 Life ain't nice.
00:08:40.220 Life ain't nice.
00:08:41.420 Life is character building.
00:08:42.540 Whatever happens to you, spin it on its head and make it build you.
00:08:46.180 Make you a stronger person.
00:08:48.160 There's help out there.
00:08:48.900 Go and get it.
00:08:49.600 Everywhere you go.
00:08:50.680 In England now, you watch a soap in England.
00:08:53.740 They had a soap the other day about men
00:08:55.040 because they now decide that men's mental health matters.
00:08:57.640 At the end of every soap,
00:08:59.360 and every English person will tell you there's a phone number.
00:09:02.440 If this has affected you or you have something similar,
00:09:05.840 phone this number.
00:09:06.580 You will get help.
00:09:07.480 That is in England.
00:09:08.520 So because all the help is out there, I don't want to hear it.
00:09:10.740 It's bullshit.
00:09:11.440 No, instead they want to watch the Kardashians and Bad Girls Club,
00:09:15.200 and they digest toxicity.
00:09:18.280 And one of the things I would say, Aunt Jenny, you're correct,
00:09:20.600 because one of the things I would say,
00:09:22.820 and you guys have got to understand her perspective,
00:09:25.660 and don't take it as though she's been harsh or whatever.
00:09:29.180 We live in a very soft generation.
00:09:33.040 I don't know how it was.
00:09:34.460 I do know how it was in the U.K.,
00:09:35.920 but if you understand what people went through in the U.S.,
00:09:38.580 I always bring up Meghan Markle compared to Ruby Bridges.
00:09:42.420 They're going on the Worldwide Privacy Tour, complaining.
00:09:45.880 I lived in a castle.
00:09:47.360 My brother got the biggest size of the room and all this other stuff.
00:09:51.200 My first time in the U.K. was to go to that wedding
00:09:54.220 because I was proud of the situation,
00:09:56.340 and I thought it was something great.
00:09:58.060 But as I started to see the complaining,
00:10:00.940 I said, Ruby Bridges in the U.S.,
00:10:02.440 there was segregation between black and white people in school.
00:10:05.700 Ruby Bridges was a seven-year-old little girl.
00:10:07.900 She was the first black girl to ever go into a white school in the entire U.S.
00:10:12.060 If you look back at the documentaries,
00:10:14.100 what she went through,
00:10:14.900 black people particularly in the U.S.
00:10:17.440 during segregation,
00:10:18.980 she stood what we call ten toes down harder than Meghan Markle
00:10:22.260 because some press didn't like her.
00:10:23.600 There was a little girl who stood harder,
00:10:26.020 and you've never heard Ruby Bridges say a word.
00:10:28.480 Okay?
00:10:28.800 Rosa Parks,
00:10:30.240 you know,
00:10:30.400 people who went through real oppression,
00:10:32.180 but it can be the victim Olympics.
00:10:34.940 Every person,
00:10:36.040 everything that you went through,
00:10:37.280 somebody went through a thousand times worse
00:10:40.260 if you look through history.
00:10:42.000 But this is the thing.
00:10:43.460 This is the thing.
00:10:44.400 It is a failure right now
00:10:45.860 because many of us,
00:10:47.440 we're so much into our feelings,
00:10:49.440 my truth,
00:10:50.500 what is about me.
00:10:51.540 It is such a self-indulgent culture.
00:10:53.960 We don't care about the family.
00:10:55.440 It's about me,
00:10:56.760 my body,
00:10:57.560 my choice.
00:10:58.060 So you can't say my body,
00:10:59.640 my choice,
00:11:00.180 but yet I was victimized by a man.
00:11:02.660 So like,
00:11:03.200 is it,
00:11:03.980 you want sympathy to say,
00:11:05.780 well,
00:11:05.960 I was victimized,
00:11:07.020 but hey,
00:11:07.380 it was your body,
00:11:08.180 your choice.
00:11:08.720 So there are these,
00:11:10.020 these opposing things.
00:11:11.020 The only thing I say is that if we can,
00:11:15.200 if we can come to,
00:11:18.040 I feel like not everyone's going to change.
00:11:20.120 I go with the 10%.
00:11:21.060 I go with,
00:11:22.640 there are people who will stay hard headed,
00:11:24.880 stay in rebellion,
00:11:26.240 stay in pride and want what they want,
00:11:28.500 lust,
00:11:28.980 greed and whatever.
00:11:29.940 And you're going to get the results of that.
00:11:31.880 But if I can,
00:11:33.100 if what you just said,
00:11:34.120 what I said,
00:11:34.740 the combination of these things,
00:11:36.200 if we can like talk to these young women and say,
00:11:39.380 I understand,
00:11:40.480 let me like maybe mentor you.
00:11:43.520 I still think there's a responsibility of us as older women to mentor.
00:11:47.000 Now,
00:11:47.360 if you have a mentee that's hard headed and was still going to run the streets,
00:11:51.220 still making the same choice,
00:11:52.640 you got to go.
00:11:53.280 You're going to face those consequences.
00:11:54.840 I don't hear,
00:11:55.380 but I will tell you,
00:11:56.400 there are women like my mother who it wasn't her choice.
00:11:59.220 It wasn't her fault.
00:12:00.460 She made a choice.
00:12:01.420 She decided to change.
00:12:02.300 She listened to these nuns after she was thrown out.
00:12:05.120 If you continue to be hard headed,
00:12:07.480 you have to understand life is going to throw you horrific consequences.
00:12:13.280 If you don't listen to a woman like aunt Jenny,
00:12:15.080 you think she's just popping off and she don't understand.
00:12:17.700 If you don't take the time to understand,
00:12:19.360 you want to be,
00:12:20.160 you want direction.
00:12:21.580 You don't let her guide you because you don't like the tone.
00:12:24.480 This is what Kevin Samuels,
00:12:25.560 he was a friend of mine.
00:12:26.580 They didn't like his tone,
00:12:27.860 but now all of a sudden they do because they realized they're not getting the results.
00:12:30.680 And the same thing that you're saying,
00:12:32.500 they don't like your tone,
00:12:33.820 but you're fed up because you'll give them,
00:12:36.080 you've given the soft tone,
00:12:37.380 you've tried everything and they don't want to listen.
00:12:39.960 So y'all have to understand there's two sides to this coin.
00:12:43.300 Many of you know I was just banned on TikTok
00:12:46.140 and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
00:12:50.920 If you want to help,
00:12:52.400 please consider sending a super thanks below.
00:12:55.460 Every donation helps and it helps make what we do possible.