Why your happiness Does Not Matter
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
224.85498
Summary
In this episode, we discuss why women tend to leave their marriages and the reasons why they do so. We also talk about why it s important to have a healthy relationship with your partner and how important it is to be a good parent to your kids.
Transcript
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Women tend to leave relationships more than men.
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So it's like, why didn't it work out with the baby father?
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Women leave 70 to 80% of the time, 90% if they're college educated.
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If she left the father of her kids, she might leave you too.
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Listen, we can't use those stats to say much because if we break those stats down for reasons why
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and you look at the pairings and you know how they could...
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So let me tell you something about finances, yeah?
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As a man, if you're meant to be a provider, if you are with a woman that earns more than you,
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she may leave you, but it's not always because she's gassed and she thinks she's better than you.
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Women are more likely to leave after a promotion.
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Yeah, but wait, like a lot of the time when you are doing more than your man is in the field
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that he's supposed to be doing more than you are, he's going to then act out against you.
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How do you know they're not acting out against him and acting like they're better than him?
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And that's why when we use these stats, we need to look at the reasonings why
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because a lot of the time men get really upset because their woman is doing better than him
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You're going to leave your husband because he's upset?
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No, because if he treats me like crap because deep down he knows I'm making more money,
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he's making him feel some type of way and he's not making me happy,
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I'm not going to like quit my job so that he can feel better about himself.
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You don't think it's about the kid's happiness and not yours?
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The kid's happiness is dependent also on my happiness.
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It is a choice and that's why we make the right choices.
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Okay, so if it's a choice, then why can't you be happy?
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Well, I can be happy, but if there is somebody in my life that is...
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who's happiness is affecting mine because energies are contagious,
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then I have to separate myself, especially even for kids.
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Sometimes we think that for children, the best thing is for parents to be together.
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The best thing for kids when they are young growing up is to have a healthy, loving relationship
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If you two are not getting on as a married couple, at least separate but keep the love
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for the child because at the end of the day, it's not about you and the person being together.
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It's about that kid growing up healthy with mental and emotional stability.
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I mean, if you guys are getting along, why can't you just live in separate rooms?
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Why when it's better for the kids to have two parents in the home?
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But see, this is like a modern mindset where it's like me, me, me, me first.
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And I think that's why we have a very fucked up society today because it's me, me, me, my
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Because your happiness directly affects somebody.
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If I'm depressed, my child is going to feel it.
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Like, okay, if I'm in a terrible relationship, it's like, okay, you can just figure out how
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What about the values you took in front of God?
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I would say our society very much is about individualism now because like capitalism is
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And so therefore you feed into your own values now.
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So now when you're in a marriage, you think, what do I want?
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And to an extent it's problematic because it makes it more competitive, the market.
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And it makes your dating life more competitive.
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No, I think it's a problem because it's not supposed to be about you.
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Like, I just think as a mother, you should want your kids to be happy above all else.
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But if you're sad in your relationship, surely that's going to transpire on your kids.
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But I'm saying, like, why can't you just put that aside?
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And then after that, you could focus on your happiness.
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Yeah, but the practice is that as a child, you learn by example.
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And if you watch your parents argue or you watch your mom constantly compromise her values
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Yeah, but what if you're like, I don't want to do that.
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And you always see your mom being like, I don't want to do that.
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You learn growing up that what you want doesn't matter.
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And you just have to force yourself to do what you don't like.
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And that could put you in really harmful situations, don't you think?
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You're saying to teach these young girls to be complacent.
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Like, see their mothers just be complacent with the fact that they're unhappy with this man.
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If it's an abusive situation, that's different.
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And there have been a lot of times where my mom maybe wasn't happy for a couple years.
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Or my dad maybe wasn't happy for a couple years.
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And I think a lot of times in our society, we throw in the towel before we've even really tried.
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And I think that's the average length of a first marriage is seven to eight years.
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But after seven to eight years, haven't you tried?
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And it doesn't mean anything to people nowadays.
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But in front of the kids, you can just be a united front.
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I see, right, I think if you're going into a marriage thinking that you're going to be happy, you're going in for the wrong reasons.
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Because just like Pearl said, there are going to be situations where you're not going to be happy.
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Just because you're not happy, you're going to leave now.
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No, if you stand before that court, you stand before you sign the paper, you agree to death, to life, to worse, to better.
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Because the fact that you two are going to stay there, that's going to greatly impact the child's life.
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So if we're not talking about no extreme cases about, you know, any, you know, S.A. going on at home and any abuse or whatever,
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you're, I don't want to put it so bluntly, but it's not about your happiness.
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They will see their man cheating, but they say, look, I got kids.
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So I got to put my kids before me because I know they need me in the house.
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And I think that's, like, even you said we become way more individualistic now.
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So just taking off what you said and the whole, it's about the family.
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So your idea of it's about the family is, okay, let's just say you're like,
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because you're talking about a very specific situation, the ups and downs of a marriage,
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But if you've got a situation where, let's just, for the sake of this argument,
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we've got a woman and her daughter, or even like, actually, even flip it, a man and his son.
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And this dude is habitually unhappy, like, every day, just unhappy, miserable.
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But you're teaching this boy, this is what marriage looks like.
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So he then goes on to have his own family, where he's habitually unhappy.
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So you have this line of people just unhappy, but married.
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But I don't think, like, because to me, you're like, as long as you are together,
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that's the most important thing, and you stay together.
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As a kid, you're more likely to run away from home.
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You're more likely to get bad grades in school.
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Every statistical disadvantage you can put a kid at, they're at when you take the father out of the home.
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And so, what I'm saying is that marriage is not about happiness.
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Like, it's your friend with benefits, but you have a child.
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So, it's easier because you respect each other, you love each other, and you don't really need to argue.
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No, but I'm saying those arguments can happen regardless.
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And like I said, we can't base a marriage off of happiness.
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Because if you come into it thinking, look, I'm going to get married with this love of my life because they treat me well,
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They're not going to be happy for the rest of my life.
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Look, you got kids, so y'all have a responsibility.
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In my head, it's like, why can't we figure out a solution?
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It's like, if you're really unhappy, why can't you figure out a solution?
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Maybe it's sleeping in separate bedrooms for a couple of years until you figure out how to get along.
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Maybe it's sleeping in separate bedrooms for a couple of years.
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Maybe it's, I don't know, consoling with your church, family, whatever it is.
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But it's like, why is the first go-to always divorce, divorce, divorce?
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I get that in a case where you're like, you've got two people and they both, like, you've at least got two people and they're willing to work on it or whatever.
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But what if you've got a situation where you have a person who is like, I want to stay.
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And let's just say, fundamentally, there are these things you do that make me unhappy.
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And that person, like, I'm not going to change.
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Like, if you've got this situation where someone is like, I'm doing my thing and I'm living and I'm not changing.
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So you've got a man and he's married to a woman and he fundamentally is like...
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So to me, the underpinning is, this is my thinking.
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And the reason is, he wants someone who fundamentally is submissive to him.
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And when that doesn't manifest, he feels belittled in himself, in front of his kids, in front of his family.
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But when they have an agreement and he's like, I need you to move right.
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She's like, no, that's not a good enough reason.
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You're like, for duty's sake, the family, stay together anyway.
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Yeah, and I think marriage should be based on sustainability.
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I would say until the kids are 18, I would do everything I could to figure it out.
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What, just give up all sense of morality and happiness.
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And even if it is jeopardizing your mental health and even things like that, just stay.
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Like he was saying about like, oh, that's how my mother was raised.
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Like, if it's going against your morals and they're like, not forcing you, but like asking
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Like, that's, you're giving up all sense of morality.
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Like, I will give, I will give Will Smith a divorce.
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As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on
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