JustPearlyThings - May 27, 2023


Woman Claims That Men Are Emotionally Unstable


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

226.12297

Word count

2,220

Sentence count

187

Harmful content

Misogyny

14

sentences flagged

Hate speech

14

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about Emotional Intelligence and how men and women are emotionally unstable. We talk about how men are emotionally unavailable and why it's important to be emotionally available to your partner. We also talk about the importance of emotional intelligence in a relationship.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Yeah, we do need emotional support because a lot of men these days don't realize they need emotional support.
00:00:05.740 So why can't we get it?
00:00:08.000 Who do you think is more emotionally unstable, men or women?
00:00:11.220 I think men are now. 0.81
00:00:12.720 I would have said women before, but I feel like maybe.
00:00:16.480 Women. 0.81
00:00:18.140 Sorry, go ahead.
00:00:19.200 Really?
00:00:19.680 Yeah, I think women. 1.00
00:00:20.780 Oh, my gosh.
00:00:22.460 I feel like men are now. 0.97
00:00:24.200 No.
00:00:25.340 You see TikTok?
00:00:26.860 That's all it is.
00:00:27.700 It's emotionally unstable women. 1.00
00:00:30.760 Yeah, but I feel like men are now.
00:00:31.920 All these girls crying on TikTok.
00:00:33.340 I'm like, what is going on?
00:00:35.280 I haven't seen a guy crying on TikTok.
00:00:37.280 Yeah, because they do it behind closed doors.
00:00:39.300 I feel like men hide their feelings as well.
00:00:41.720 Yeah, men don't really like to show how they're feeling compared to women.
00:00:45.620 But don't you think that's just how men process emotions?
00:00:47.780 Like, they process emotions differently than women? 1.00
00:00:50.120 Yeah, they do, but not all men.
00:00:52.160 But in general, right?
00:00:53.800 Because we always make it sound like a bad thing that men don't, like, talk to each other or, like, talk to us about their emotions.
00:01:00.000 But I just think they process emotions differently.
00:01:02.480 Yeah, they do, compared to women. 1.00
00:01:05.540 But it's like sometimes we try to make them into women by being, like, process the emotions, like I process the emotions.
00:01:10.480 True.
00:01:10.900 I think they need to, because there is a lot of men that have mental health at the moment.
00:01:15.180 So I think they do need to be able to talk about their feelings.
00:01:18.560 Yeah, but not with women. 0.95
00:01:19.720 Yeah.
00:01:20.440 But why not?
00:01:21.800 Yeah, why not?
00:01:24.120 Honestly, because women throw stuff in your face later. 1.00
00:01:27.080 I agree.
00:01:27.880 Yeah.
00:01:28.760 And then what they do is they'll throw something in your face and then they'll add lies to it.
00:01:34.040 So it'll be kind of true, but kind of not true.
00:01:36.180 Yeah, but not all women.
00:01:37.100 Not all women, yeah.
00:01:37.680 I mean, I didn't say 100% of women, but I'm just saying if I had a balance of probabilities and I had 10 guys and 10 girls, I would say that women are more likely to do that.
00:01:45.620 Yeah.
00:01:45.880 The other problem is I don't think women find it very attractive when guys are emotionally vulnerable, to be honest.
00:01:51.780 I mean, I think, because when I was growing up, it was said, you know, people were starting to say, oh, you know, just be open with your feelings, be vulnerable, be emotional with her and everything like that.
00:01:59.340 But actually the reality out there is that I don't think women really, you know.
00:02:03.380 I feel like it depends.
00:02:04.720 For example, me personally, I would want a guy to open up to me and let me know how they're feeling.
00:02:09.020 What if he's crying every night?
00:02:10.480 No.
00:02:10.980 Not every night.
00:02:11.860 Yeah, that's a big mosh, maybe. 1.00
00:02:13.760 But you see, that's why it's, like, confusing to men because we'll be like, be open with us, but not too open.
00:02:18.280 Yeah.
00:02:19.340 So if you want to cry every day, put that daily depression away.
00:02:24.440 So it's kind of like at what point with each girl is emotionally available enough or emotionally open enough?
00:02:33.940 I feel like it depends.
00:02:35.440 Because if I was to be in a relationship with a guy and we've gotten to that level where we're comfortable to open up to each other, then I don't think it would be an issue for him to, if he was to cry to me every night, you know.
00:02:46.620 Maybe there could be something I can do to help him.
00:02:49.200 Me personally, anyways, I don't see that.
00:02:50.880 For how long?
00:02:51.140 He doesn't cry for a year?
00:02:53.040 A year?
00:02:53.540 A year is too much.
00:02:54.860 I mean, that would be too much for a man or a woman, though. 0.54
00:02:57.500 And I feel like, realistically, a man's not going to cry to you for a year, you know.
00:03:02.160 I feel like that would be too much either way.
00:03:03.880 If it's a man that's crying for a year, that's a problem.
00:03:05.760 If it's a woman that's crying for a year, that's a problem. 1.00
00:03:07.620 I think a month straight, that'd be too much for me.
00:03:10.320 But is it, is it, like.
00:03:11.720 Don't stop crying.
00:03:13.080 But being real, it's not, is it really, like, to think of a guy in that manner, that's not really sexy, is it?
00:03:20.880 No.
00:03:21.460 Do you know what I mean?
00:03:22.020 I feel like there's a time and a place.
00:03:23.300 It depends where you're at.
00:03:24.460 If that's your partner, that's your person.
00:03:26.240 You've been together for a long amount of time.
00:03:28.460 Then his problem is your problem.
00:03:30.200 But I'm not meeting you on day one and you're telling me about your emotional self.
00:03:33.620 I don't want to hear it.
00:03:34.280 And that's happened to me before.
00:03:35.240 And I was put off and I didn't want to speak to him.
00:03:37.280 I'm so sorry.
00:03:38.300 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:38.920 You can't tell me on day one what's going on emotionally because I'm not even telling you and I'm the woman.
00:03:42.540 Yeah.
00:03:43.780 Sorry.
00:03:45.320 Definitely.
00:03:48.920 See, I feel like this is why guys don't want to open up.
00:03:51.500 No, but that's different when she's sitting on the first day.
00:03:57.600 Why would you be so comfortable to open up someone?
00:03:59.820 But the point is every girl's different.
00:04:01.720 Yeah.
00:04:01.940 Right?
00:04:02.140 So every girl's different with what they'll tolerate. 1.00
00:04:04.560 So why are they going to play, like, roll the dice when they could just not deal with it at all?
00:04:08.200 I think, again, the balance of probabilities, if you had 10 men and 10 women lined up.
00:04:13.740 I mean, it seems to me that women, like, they want the guy to be the leader. 0.98
00:04:16.640 They want the guy to be emotionally strong.
00:04:17.940 They want the guy to be the rock, basically.
00:04:19.880 Not the rock as in the rock, but they want the guy to be their rock.
00:04:23.060 And if the dude is, I mean, obviously, he's not going to be crying every night.
00:04:25.720 But, you know, if the dude is, like, emoting the whole time and he's looking to her for support excessively,
00:04:30.520 that's going to, it just seems to me it's going to put her off.
00:04:33.280 Do you know what I mean?
00:04:33.780 And there is a school of thought in the sort of men's online self-help space that basically says,
00:04:39.760 you know, you should not be vulnerable in front of the woman that you're with
00:04:41.900 because she's going to lose attraction for you. 0.73
00:04:43.780 And if she loses attraction for you, then that's the, that's, you know, it's game over there, basically.
00:04:48.420 Yeah, she's got the ick.
00:04:49.460 Exactly, exactly.
00:04:50.460 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:04:51.540 I think that's too extreme, though, because it's like.
00:04:54.860 Yeah, it may well be, but I'm just saying that there's that school.
00:04:58.360 Everyone is vulnerable, including men.
00:05:00.000 So if you need a bit of hard time, it's like, I wouldn't like to, oh, yeah, don't come to me.
00:05:04.980 Just go and fix your stuff and then come to me.
00:05:07.560 I think, I think, I think some guys, though, I've never been married, so I can't speak to this personally.
00:05:11.340 But I think some guys, you know, you feel like you meet this, you meet the woman and you guys are in a relationship.
00:05:15.740 It's all great.
00:05:16.320 And you think, oh, now I can, now finally I can relax.
00:05:18.800 Now I can, now I've got somebody who I can talk to and she can help me with my feelings and blah, blah, blah.
00:05:23.900 But the problem is when you then do that, that can sometimes give the woman the ick, you know, and the woman's like, oh, wait a minute.
00:05:30.600 This isn't the strong, you know, stable oak that I signed up for.
00:05:33.500 And then you're, and then you're in trouble.
00:05:35.040 So, but I agree.
00:05:36.660 It's a sliding scale.
00:05:37.480 Not everyone's the same, right?
00:05:38.480 I mean, there's, you know.
00:05:40.680 I think it matters about timing and duration, depending on how long you guys have been together for.
00:05:45.480 Depends on when you need to open up, because my partner opens up to me, but that took a long time.
00:05:49.720 And even when he does, it's limited information.
00:05:52.720 He's not going to cry to me.
00:05:54.120 He's not going to cry to me.
00:05:55.040 Would it be attractive if your partner cried to you all the time?
00:05:59.640 Baby, don't cry to me.
00:06:02.420 See?
00:06:03.320 But he doesn't cry to me.
00:06:05.120 But I always let him know that, you know, I'm supposed to be your safe haven.
00:06:09.140 You know, your partner is supposed to be that safe space.
00:06:11.660 But does it mean crying to me from Monday to Friday to Sunday?
00:06:15.680 No, not every day.
00:06:17.280 But, you know, that I'm supposed to be your safe space.
00:06:21.680 So, I'm curious for you, because you said you want a guy to meet your standards.
00:06:27.960 What are your standards?
00:06:30.040 I would say he needs to be tall.
00:06:32.500 I'm 5'6", so 5'10 minimum.
00:06:34.980 Okay.
00:06:36.220 He needs to be earning.
00:06:38.340 Do you know what?
00:06:39.000 I'm not specific about numbers, because I actually don't, like, I'm not on a salary.
00:06:42.520 Like, I work for myself.
00:06:43.820 So, do you know what I mean?
00:06:44.280 I don't get salaries.
00:06:44.840 So, I don't really know how people manoeuvre, but he needs to be able to look after me,
00:06:49.440 pay the bills, pay everything, and then also give me money on top.
00:06:53.740 Not that I won't do the same for him, but I'm just saying what he needs to be able to do.
00:06:55.600 Wait, so you want him to pay 100% of the bill and give you, how much money does he have
00:06:59.440 to give you on top?
00:07:00.300 He needs to pay 100% of the bills.
00:07:01.560 He just needs to give me money, like, if I want to buy something.
00:07:03.880 So, how much of mine, roughly?
00:07:05.700 For example, I might want to buy a Dior bag this month.
00:07:09.540 If they start from about 2, 3K, then I might need that.
00:07:13.820 But it won't be all the time.
00:07:15.160 It'll be sometimes.
00:07:16.000 Can you just buy it by yourself?
00:07:17.980 I can definitely buy it by myself, but sometimes things feel nicer when it's a gift from your
00:07:22.520 partner.
00:07:22.660 What's the point of having a boyfriend?
00:07:24.160 Yeah.
00:07:24.520 What do you mean?
00:07:24.880 What's the point of having a boyfriend?
00:07:26.360 So it can be a gift.
00:07:27.520 I don't think your boyfriend's supposed to take care of you.
00:07:30.160 It doesn't need to be a bag of...
00:07:30.860 You know, he doesn't need to take care of you, but it's nice if he does.
00:07:34.280 I like luxury items, so that's something that I like.
00:07:37.780 If you go to Walthamstow Market, you can get them for $29.
00:07:43.520 But if you're the one who likes the luxury items, why does he have to pay for it?
00:07:46.860 No, I'm not saying I won't buy it myself, but this is the thing.
00:07:49.760 I'm not saying he even has to pay for it.
00:07:51.180 I'm just saying that he needs to make enough whereby there's capacity and there's room
00:07:54.660 where he can afford to give me money for a bag if that's what I want to get at that
00:07:59.300 present moment in time.
00:08:00.220 So I need him to be extremely comfortable.
00:08:02.040 There needs to be spare money everywhere.
00:08:03.900 Even on my part as well, there needs to be spare money where we can spend it luxuriously.
00:08:08.000 That's how I would like to live, personally.
00:08:09.940 And what does he get in return?
00:08:12.380 He gets a loyal, loving woman who will eventually have his kids take care of the house. 0.98
00:08:18.540 You know, we'll also look after him.
00:08:20.080 If he likes gifts, he can get a gift as well because there's money there.
00:08:25.180 Okay.
00:08:26.300 Okay.
00:08:27.920 So how much money do you think that would cost?
00:08:29.780 I have two or three grand on the go.
00:08:31.900 Because that's what some people make in a month.
00:08:33.880 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:08:34.620 That is true.
00:08:35.520 I mean, based on people around me, definitely 100, 100K plus salary for sure.
00:08:41.740 What percent of men do you think make that? 1.00
00:08:43.320 Oh, I know it's a low percentage, 100%.
00:08:46.180 I know it's not that high, but personally, the people I'm around to make that amount of
00:08:50.540 money.
00:08:50.800 So I feel like it's accessible to me.
00:08:52.360 And that's why I have that standard.
00:08:54.000 Okay.
00:08:55.580 I think it's like 5% of men.
00:08:57.740 Yeah, it's very low.
00:08:58.920 So then do you think you're in the top 5% of women? 1.00
00:09:01.560 That make that amount?
00:09:02.520 No, no.
00:09:03.020 Just in terms of like what men look for.
00:09:05.120 Oh, I believe so.
00:09:05.860 So like youth, purity, femininity?
00:09:09.860 I mean, I don't know.
00:09:10.980 I mean, men like me, but I don't know if I'm in the top 5%.
00:09:13.680 I would say I am.
00:09:14.660 I'm a very confident woman, but I don't know.
00:09:17.380 Okay.
00:09:18.140 What do you look for?
00:09:20.360 I look for someone who can match me in terms of like, for example, I drive.
00:09:25.180 I want a man that drives. 0.99
00:09:26.420 I live alone.
00:09:27.500 I want a man who lives alone. 1.00
00:09:29.020 I work.
00:09:29.900 I want a man that works. 0.76
00:09:32.980 And then on top of that, he needs to be at least like 5'10".
00:09:36.440 Yeah.
00:09:39.520 And yeah, that's it.
00:09:40.600 And when it comes down to money, I don't really have a figure on that.
00:09:43.820 The same as like 40%, 40%, 40,000.