JustPearlyThings - March 20, 2023


Woman Explains Why Women Lack Feminine Values


Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

215.32965

Word count

2,652

Sentence count

1

Harmful content

Misogyny

4

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I sit down with a panel of women to discuss the importance of being raised to be a proper wife. We talk about the challenges of being a wife and what it takes to become a good one.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 failed to teach you femininity absolutely and we've i've had that conversation with her
00:00:05.180 absolutely was it do you feel like it would have been better if she was at home with you
00:00:09.280 not rather than working not necessarily and i'm gonna tell you why because my mom and her side
00:00:14.960 of the family they come from a place of very private very keep keep even if she was home 0.97
00:00:19.620 she wouldn't have taught me because it for them it was a sense of pride and it's something we
00:00:23.740 don't talk about why didn't why didn't she learn femininity from like her mom but i think she did 1.00
00:00:28.640 oh she did she did but it's just in that generation how they learned it and so it's not that she didn't
00:00:33.400 teach me anything absolutely she taught me stuff but the things that i had to just kind of do osmosis
00:00:38.820 not really but in college when i got around my friends and when i when i observed them they were
00:00:43.200 they took my level of feminine energy and hygiene to another level because i had good friends in a
00:00:49.700 circle but the responsibility shouldn't have lied on them and it didn't and then i got to a certain
00:00:53.820 age and it's like well i want to get even better about this but these are honestly they're hard
00:00:58.560 conversations to have when you have you don't feel a level of vulnerability and comfort that
00:01:03.840 for whatever reason i don't believe my mom felt who um i'm curious who on the panel feels like
00:01:09.080 their mom taught them to be a proper wife auntie jenny yeah really wow this is crazy i was um raised by
00:01:19.940 my great-grandmother but i felt like she taught me the proper way just unfortunately didn't work for me
00:01:24.740 and guys this is just a random group of women this isn't like cherry-picked this is you guys 1.00
00:01:29.600 had recruiters reach out to you it's copy and paste instagram people with open profiles um usually and
00:01:35.440 i will say my grandma that my grandmother influences unfortunately they died when i was young but they
00:01:40.440 it was an influence from them but if it's not cultivated throughout life if it's only for a
00:01:45.300 certain extent it's the seed is planted but we need somebody else to come along and cultivate that
00:01:49.340 then to grow that so it's in there but i had to go in and later in life when i realized it wasn't
00:01:54.580 cultivated properly go back and re-stimulate that and cultivate it yeah and i'm not saying you can't
00:01:59.020 learn it later but it's just like you're starting it's like you're competing with women that were
00:02:03.260 raised to be wives so they've been learning to be a wife from 10 years old and you you said you started
00:02:08.040 at like 27 28 so having to relearn right so even even if you learned you know for five years it's
00:02:16.460 like i'm compared to the girls that started yeah yeah so when people ask you it's a lot yeah no for
00:02:21.180 sure and it's it's a it's an honest question when i'm dating now and people are like well you're 33
00:02:24.740 you're single you're accomplished whatever whatever you're beautiful why aren't you married it is a very
00:02:29.500 good question do you feel that you've become the man you wanted to marry so man so what i mean
00:02:35.140 28 maybe now no so so i'm saying like in terms of your accomplishments like you'd want a guy with
00:02:40.460 your similar accomplishments like you're in shape you'd want a guy in shape like you like would you
00:02:44.600 say a lot of your accomplishments like have maybe become the man you wanted to marry no i wouldn't
00:02:49.660 because i don't necessarily want to marry a man who's established in that way i'll marry somebody
00:02:53.880 who's literally a driver right that isn't you wouldn't prefer it you wouldn't prefer someone and i'm
00:02:59.700 i'm gonna be really honest right now and say not necessarily because what i find is those type
00:03:04.780 of men the character isn't always there right because they are looking for the 20 year olds
00:03:10.360 but i'm just saying all things being equal so everything being equal driver lawyer you wouldn't
00:03:15.380 pick the lawyer i don't want to yeah i would never marry another lawyer the debates and the
00:03:19.420 competition that's a fair point no i'm like i would never you know i i i i find it so interesting that
00:03:24.380 um women are not demonized for raising women but men are demon demonized for not raising men
00:03:30.300 it's it's it's so it's so interesting to me and it just goes back to you know the privilege of
00:03:35.880 being a woman in that we're um judged by different standards that's so true because whenever there's 0.73
00:03:40.880 a a kid or they'll always say oh he had a deadbeat dad but they never really talk about the women i mean
00:03:47.680 that in a way had deadbeats beat moms because they weren't present it has to be extreme like she 1.00
00:03:51.880 has to be strung out and yeah i'm sorry i didn't want to interrupt but i gotta go by it i just want
00:03:57.580 to oh i want to say thank you for for having me and let me come through and thank y'all to everybody
00:04:03.220 okay thank you for coming absolutely
00:04:05.880 i think i wasn't raised to be a housewife or to be a wife at all anything in that aspect was your mom
00:04:14.560 in the picture yeah so my mom and dad are still with each other i still i still live at home do you
00:04:18.520 do you was it was did she work or like my mom and dad they both worked so like my nanny and grandad
00:04:24.020 would look after me when i was younger but i would still see how my mom would treat my dad and what
00:04:28.240 she would do for my dad you know i still took that into account of how i treat a man i'm just curious
00:04:32.940 how did you like growing up with a nanny did you so it was my own it was my grandmother it was my
00:04:37.740 own grandmother oh i thought you meant a nanny nanny sorry for me ireland's nanny is the same so so do you
00:04:42.460 know i was still getting the same like you know what i mean so i can only like i said i can only speak for
00:04:46.480 myself in this i wasn't taught right you do this for a man and you do that for a man but i seen
00:04:51.160 what was done for a man and i took that into account okay so this is how i'll treat my husband
00:04:55.720 i'll cook for my husband if he wants to put something into the house he can put something
00:04:58.960 to the house if he's if he's the main breadwinner if not if he's the man of the house you know
00:05:02.700 did you did you grow up like fixing your data plate ever did they ever teach you that sort of stuff
00:05:07.200 i'm kind of i got taught like if you're making dinner for yourself you're making dinner for
00:05:10.820 everybody no matter who was around you you know what i mean that's what i was kind of so what where did you
00:05:14.640 feel like you were lacking like what what do you do you feel like wasn't there i feel like i wasn't
00:05:21.180 taught properly how you know this whole when you're younger men will like pick on you and like oh if
00:05:26.820 he's picking on you it means he likes you this i see that as now as well i wasn't taught that like
00:05:31.680 when you're older men still might not be like you you're amazing you're a princess like the disney
00:05:35.980 world they'll probably say different so do you feel like you were more lied to by the media or by your
00:05:39.600 family probably by the media rather than my family yeah in my opinion definitely and they
00:05:43.440 they sold you a dream sort of oh do you guys do you guys who of you feels like you were
00:05:48.360 sold trying to right way to phrase this question who here feels like
00:05:55.960 they were sold a prince charming that was never going to come like there's some perfect guy
00:06:02.100 and it's okay if you don't i'm just wondering you do i'm still waiting for him i think it was a
00:06:06.560 harsh reality because my mom and dad have been together like just i'm just curious just one no
00:06:12.140 me just one no you didn't feel like that you didn't feel like okay cool go ahead so my mom and dad have
00:06:16.080 been together like from like really young they've been together ever since they're not married but
00:06:20.000 they've been together like a long time so i always just thought that's what happens like so when i met
00:06:24.740 my first boyfriend it didn't work out it was like oh okay like i am a relationship person i love love
00:06:31.260 like i just wanted it to be like that so whenever i met someone and it failed it was always like a
00:06:37.080 oh you know so it wasn't that i don't think anyone failed me but it was like a full sense of like oh
00:06:43.280 like you know i mean you do say are you in a relationship now no no okay um and you say you're
00:06:49.020 you're a relationship person do you feel like you present yourself like one
00:06:52.160 um i wouldn't say i'm really looking for that now probably that's why it maybe comes across like
00:07:00.640 that no i'm asking you i didn't say you did or you didn't um i'm not really looking so i wouldn't say
00:07:06.820 i present myself as someone that's looking no do you do you want to look in the future maybe i don't
00:07:12.460 know i just think when when you have so many i think so many failed you know like you said like
00:07:17.840 your numbers go up and you know like you i just don't i want i don't want to keep um hitting a
00:07:24.480 brick wall like i'm just like oh i'd rather just focus on being happy focus on making money and yeah
00:07:32.220 have you ever thought about why you failed in the in the past do you know why um i think i
00:07:39.380 not to be deep but i think i go for like broken men and i try to fix them
00:07:45.180 i've just always done it do you think you are what you attract
00:07:49.440 um i don't think i don't think so maybe i don't know i wouldn't say so no i just i'm quite an
00:07:59.240 empath so i just like to i like to care you're like a fixer yeah yeah yeah and it'd just be nice
00:08:06.660 to just not fix someone it'd be nice to meet someone and then just be like you know just good
00:08:11.200 have you have you met guys that you don't have to fix um not in a relationship time probably no
00:08:16.920 never like not on the street not you know i mean like i said unless i don't know i've just been in
00:08:23.460 relationships to be honest and then when i'm in a relationship i'm not actively you know so and
00:08:28.340 then if i'm not in a relationship i'm dealing with what happened and then yeah so i don't i don't
00:08:35.440 really unless i'm interacting on like a friendship level i'm chair did you say you thought you were
00:08:41.740 about to say something no no i was just uh intently listening you know i but i will quickly comment
00:08:47.520 i can feel it i can feel it i've been waiting my turn inside you know what i'm saying um but i thought
00:08:54.060 that was a very interesting uh line of questioning right because what pearl asks is is that you know
00:09:00.280 do you attract and what you are and what you only find to see is to be broken right so you know i
00:09:07.780 think like you know we are the relationships that we get into we're all reflections of us
00:09:12.140 so you know my next question is is you know have you done work within yourself in therapy to
00:09:18.620 understand kind of where your deficiencies might be so you can attract better the way that i'm talking
00:09:24.500 about broken would be things that i don't necessarily have come from so like a broken home
00:09:28.680 maybe has affected a person i don't come from that um maybe substance abuse again i've not had that
00:09:36.280 around me so in in the instances that i'm talking about i wouldn't say it does really reflect on me
00:09:43.540 maybe in other aspects that i've not dived into but i don't think necessarily no if the man of your
00:09:49.460 dreams came around right now do you think that you would be prepared for him i don't know i think i
00:09:53.240 have healing to do to be honest i don't think i'm ready yourself broken so you would right you need
00:09:59.120 to you need to heal something that's broken so you consider yourself broken huh maybe maybe i don't
00:10:04.880 know broken feels quite harsh i know i use it to describe them but on me i'm not ready to
00:10:10.100 i don't feel good yeah it don't feel good i never meant it i never meant it in a harsh intent though i
00:10:15.400 never meant it on a harsh intent it's just something that i've i've stumbled on like i've
00:10:19.340 realized i didn't know at first because people mask it and then the deeper you're you're with
00:10:23.840 someone you're like oh like you start to see it it's like if you're afraid to get in a relationship
00:10:29.020 now then wouldn't you say something's broken because you're hurt right yeah yeah yeah because we're
00:10:34.600 better together than we are apart would you agree or disagree agree if you were the right
00:10:40.160 person yeah if you were that you wouldn't it don't gotta be a caveat on that you know we're tribal
00:10:44.020 people really together is better than apart that's the way that we're designed to be the amount of
00:10:50.840 mental health issues that have sprung up since the 19 started because now we are an at-home culture
00:10:58.680 and it's getting a lot better right now up in front of our tv screens whether it be social media or
00:11:02.780 what have you um the rate of prescriptions depressive medications are skyrocketing and
00:11:08.020 going through the roof and i think it a lot of it has to do with the lack of community in person in
00:11:12.500 reality community and relationships that we are building the most important relationship that
00:11:17.660 you're going to build throughout your life is going to be with a significant other so if you
00:11:21.960 were to find the men as broken but you're unwilling to define yourself as broken which already right
00:11:26.540 there does there's an issue within that as well yeah right i think we all got to have a degree of
00:11:30.560 reality within ourself right me you know i'm i don't want to deflect though but i feel like my
00:11:36.120 some of my brokenness is from how i've been treated rather than maybe like i think i was just happy like
00:11:42.800 i'm very like um naive like i'm just i love you know i just want to love non-broken wouldn't allow
00:11:50.160 themselves to be mistreated true true so it all falls back on you yeah true no one else but you
00:11:57.520 as many of you know i was just banned on tiktok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
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